Ch 4 Building Healthy Relationships and Communicating Effectively

benefits of cohabitation

-same benefits of marriage: love, sex, companionship, and opportunity to know a partner better over time -emotional and physical benefits -opportunity to share bills and housing costs

_% of single American's under the age of 30 report they would like to marry someday

95%

what is a reason relationships falter?

A change in communication between partners can be another reason why relationships falter. One partner may stop listening to the other partner, or one partner may stop being emotionally present for the other partner.

before DOMA was enacted, federal law _(who defined marriage)

deferred to states in defining marriage

trust

degree to which each partner feels he or she can reply on the integrity of the other

Because of DOMA, the federal government _

does not recognize or provide federal legal protections for any of these same-sex marriages

conflict

emotional state that arises when options differ or the behavior of one person interferes with the behavior of another

monogamy

exclusive sexual involvement with one partner

during the childhood years, who provide most significant relationships?

family

as a potential parent you must consider the _

financial implications of deciding to have a child

child care can be a major_strain on families

financial strain

after family, what is the next relationships?

friendship are often the first relationships we form outside of our immediate families

what has affected proximity?

growth of Internet dating sites, geographic proximity has become less important

what are some examples of expectations we can have in a relationship?

how we will spend our time and money, how we will express love and intimacy, and how we will grow together as a couple

describe the characteristics of romantic relationship: being a champion or advocatge

lovers actively champion each other's interests and attempt to ensure that the other succeeds

describe the characteristics of romantic relationship: giving the utmost

lovers care enough to give the utmost when the other is in need, sometimes to the point of extreme sacrifice

cohabitation is more common among_(what kind of people) -

lower socioeconomic status -those who are less religious -people who have been divorced -high levels of parental conflict during childhood

In many societies, traditional committed relationships take the form of _

marriage

what marriage means in US?

marriage means entering into a legal agreement that includes shared finances, poverty,and responsibility for raising children

what commitment in a relationship means?

means that one intends to act over time in a way that perpetuates the well-being of the other person, oneself, and the relationship

many Americans believe that marriage involves_

monogamy

facial expressions signal_

moods and emotions

amie and Beth share their worries and concerns with each other on a daily basis and receive comfort from doing so. This is an example of __________.

need fulfillment

jealousy

negative reaction and aversive reaction evoked by real or imagined relationship involving a person's partner and a third person

is conflict always bad?

no, airing feelings and coming to some form of resolution over differences can sometimes strengthen relationships

research shows that when verbal and nonverbal communication does not match, we are more likely to believe the_

nonverbal communication cues

some couples choose an _(different from monogamy)

open relationship

explain the element of trust: predictability

the ability to predict your partner's behavior based on past actions

explain the element of trust: dependability

the ability to rely on your partner to emotionally support you in all situations, particularly those in which you feel threatened or hurt

for men, jealously is positively correlated with _

the degree to which the man's self-esteem is affected by his partner's judgments

explain the key components to loving relationships in Triangular theory of love: intimacy

the emotional component, which involves closeness, sharing, and mutual support

what is the most important relationship in your life?

the one you have with yourself

what is love?

there is no single definition, and the word may mean different things to different people, depending on cultural values, age, gender, and situation

what was the problem of the couple in for richer or poorer?

they were not talking about money. They did not have time to set aside. so because they were not communicating, they did not have a spending plan

what is the physical attraction of women

women tend to be attracted to older mates and to place emphasis on partners with good financial prospects and who appear to be dependable and industrious

In communication, describe how women vs men differ in: talk is for

women: -talk is primarily a means of rapport, establishing connections, and negotiating relationships -men: -talk is primarily a means of preserving independence and negotiating and maintaining status

In communication, describe how women vs men differ in: body language (5)

women: take up less space-gesture toward the body -lean forward when listening -more gentle when touching others -more feedback via body language men: -occupy more space -gesture away from the body -lean back when listening -more forceful gestures -less feedback via body language

increase in divorce rate in the past century was partly due to _

working women gaining the ability to support themselves by choice rather than remaining in difficult or abusive relationships solely for financial reasons

cohabitation is increasingly the first coresidential partnership formed by_

young adults

power

-ability to make and implement decisions

common-law marriage

cohabitation lasting a designated period time (usually 7 years) that is considered legally binding in some states

no two people_

communicate the same way

what is a key to good relationships? (it is not trust and is an activity)

communicating

conflict resolutions

concerted effort by all parties to constructively resolve points of contention

It is estimated that a family with a child born in 2010 can expect to spend an average of _for food, clothing, shelter, education, and other necessities for the child over the first 17 years of life. Not including cost of childbearing or the major expenses of a college education. cost of children

$226,920

assertive-democratic parenting style (way parent and children behave)

-"giving choices" -parents have clear expectations for children, clarify issues, and give reasons for limits -children are given lots of practice in making choices and are guided to see the consequences of their decisions -encouragement and acknowledgment of good behavior from the focal point of this style. Misbehavior is handled with an appropriate consequence or by problem solving with the child

permissive parenting style children behave)

-"giving in" -parents take a hands-off approach -children are allowed great freedom with few boundaries, minimal guidance, and little discipline -without limits and expectations, children often struggle with impulse control, poor choices, insecurity, and have trouble taking responsibility for their actions

authoritarian parenting style (how parents and children behave)

-"giving orders " -parents use a set of rules -obedience is highly valued and rewarded -Misbehavior is punished -children may behave for a reward or out of fear of punishment -children are not encouraged to think for themselves or to question those in authority

reciprocity

--factor affecting the choose of partner -if your potential partner expresses interest or liking, you may react with mutual regard known as reciprocity. -the more you express interest, the safer it is for someone else to do the same, and the cycle continues

important factors that affect your ability to nurture yourself and maintain healthy relationships with others include _(2)

--self-concept -self-esteem

Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) (when passed, by what part of gov, 2 purposes)

-1996, the US congress reaffirmed tax advantages for married couples (both homo and heterosexual) from these benefits through the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) -the purpose of DOMA was to normalize heterosexual marriage on federal level and to permit each state to decide whether or not to recognize same-sex unions

according to the Bureau of Labor and Satistics, in 2010, on an average day, only _% of men engaged in housework, compare to _% of women; on the days men did engage in household activities, they spent _(amount of time) less completing them

-20% -49% -30 minutes

In 1960, the median age for first marriage was_years for men and _years for women; by 2010, the median age for first marriage had _(how changed and include numbers of men vs women)

-23 years for men and 20 years for women -had rise to 28 years for men and 26 years for women

Compared to 1975, only _% of women with children under of 5 worked outside the home, nearly _% of mothers with young children work outside the home today. most families rely on a network of _to provide child care.

-39% -64% -day care workers, family members, friends, grandparents, neighbors, and nannies

what is the technique in the video of richer or poorer used? explain steps (6)

-60 minute money workout step 1: the warm up: you are going to tell them one thing that is positive about them. step 2: strength training, setting goals: come up with a spending plan. in short and long range. -step 3: budget burn: leading out a plan to achieving goals: you bring out all the bills and crush numbers to fit the plan. the idea is to set down a disciplined plan. Keep a better track of bank balance and open line of communication -step 4: taking your heart rate is used to do the leg work, getting credit reports and cutting up extra credit cards. -step 5: the cool down where the discussion is brought back to a happier place with thank you's after an intense hour of planning

2010 American Community Survey ID an estimated _same-sex couples in the United States, _% of whom are legally married

-646,464 20%

an estimated _(3_ adopted children in the US are being raised by a gay or lesbian parent-that is more than _% of US adopted children

-65,500 -4%

Today, _(#) countries allow marriage, ten grant broad relationship-recognition laws, and _(#) offer some protections to same-sex couples

-7 -7

_(3) other states have broad relationship-recognition laws that extend to same-sex couples all, or nearly all, the state rights and responsibilities of married heterosexual couples, whether labeled_(2. More limited rights and protections for same-sex couples are legislated in _additional states

-9 -civil unions or domestic partnerships -5

Historically, close to _% of Americans married at least once during their lifetime, and at any given time, close to _% of US adults are married. However, in recent years Americans have become_(how likely to marry, since what year)

-90% -60% -less likely to marry -since 1960, annual marriages of adult men and women have steadily declined

researchers have found that _% of communcation effectiveness is determined by_

-93% -nonverbal cues

what are the most important characteristics of a healthy relationship? (4) what is the most important component of strong relationship? what makes it? (3)

-Communication, caring, respect, trust, and mutual support are characteristics of a(n) healthy relationship -healthy relationships can come in all shapes and sizes, but they do have some characteristics in common, including communication, caring, respect, and support. One of the most important components of a strong relationship is trust, which is made up of predictability, dependability, and faith

how DOMA affects homosexual marriages?

-DOMA denies gay couples the federal protections and benefits that apply to heterosexual couples -regulations and rulings applicable to heterosexuals do not apply to married people of the same sex

explain the theories of love and attraction based on brain circuitry and chemistry (4 parts)

-Helen Fisher, among others, hypothesize that attraction and falling in love follow a fairly predictable pattern based on: 1. imprinting 2. attraction 3. attachment 4. production of a cuddle chemical

how gender roles changed from colonial America to modern days? what people do in modern days? what is the problem with this?

-In colonial America, gender roles were determined by tradition, and each task within a family unit held equal importance -Our modern society has very few gender-specific roles. Both women and men work, care for children, drive, run business, manage family finances, and perform equally well in the tasks of daily living. rather than taking on traditional female and male roles, many couples find it makes more sense to divide the tasks on the basis of schedule, convenience, and preference. -However, the division is rarely equal. Even when women work full-time, they tend to bear heavy family and household responsibilities. Today, many working women juggle the responsibilities of being a partner, mother, and a full-time professional and find never-ending duties to be stressful, frustrating, and over-whelming

in 2012, what states or districts granted same-sex couples full marriage equality? (7)which states have signed legislation making same-sex marriage legal, but the laws are not yet in effect? (2)

-New York -Massachusetts -Connecticut -Iowa -New Hampshire -Vermont -District of Columbia -Washington and Maryland have signed legislation making same-sex marriage legal, but the laws are not yet in effect

Sternberg suggest what kind of relationships last longer?

-Sternberg suggests that relationships that include two or more of those components are more likely to endure than those that include only one

consummate love

-a combination of intimacy, compassion, and commitment -an ideal and deep form of love that is rare

explain, according to Fisher's theory, lovers who claim to be swept away by passion may not be far from the truth

-a love-smitten persons's endocrine system secretes chemical substances such as dopamine, norepinephrine, and phenylethylamine (peA), which are chemical cousins of amphetamines -attraction may be a "natural high"; however, this passion "buzz" loses effectiveness over time as the body builds up a tolerance.

what is family?

-a recognizable group of people with roles, tasks, boundaries, and personalities whose central focus is to protect, care for, love, and socialize with one another -because family is a dynamic institution that changes as society changes, the definition of family changes over time

accountability

-accepting responsibility for personal decisions, choices, and actions -you are responsible for your own decisions, choices and actions -you do not hold others responsible for positive or negative experiences

2 personal qualities that are especially important to any good relationship

-accountability -self-nurturance

examples of when people hold emotional availability. why to hold back?

-after a painful breakup, we may decide not to jump into another relationship immediately, or we may decide to talk about it with only one or two close friends. -holding back can offer time for introspection and healing and for considering the lessons learned. -some people who have experienced intense trauma find it difficult to ever be fully available emotionally. This limits their ability to experience intimate relationships

how singles achieve intimacy?

-although sexual intimacy may or may not be present, the intimacy achieved through other interactions with loved ones is a key aspect of the single life-style

what are practices for good communication? (5)

-although there is differences in communication, does not mean that a gender, culture, or group is better at communication -we have to be willing to accept differences and work to keep communication lines open and fluid -remain interested, actively engaged in interaction -open and willing to exchange ideas and thoughts are all things that we can typically learn with practice -understand how to deliver and interpret information, we can enhance our relationships

how power shifted in modern times and why?

-as increasing numbers of women have entered the workforce and generated their own financial resources, the power dynamics between women and men have shifted

what are the 3 common parenting styles?

-authoritarian -permissive -assertive-democratic

strategies to be good listener (8)

-avoid distraction (TV and cell put away) -Be present in the moment. Good listeners participate and acknowledge what the other person is saying through nonverbal cues such as nodding or smiling and asking questions at appropriate times -show empathy and sympathy appropriately -ask for clarification. Say that you do not completely understand or paraphrase what you think you heard -control that deadly desire to interrupt. -avoid snap judgments based on what other people look like or a few statements they have made -Resist the temptation to "set the other person straight" -Focus on the speaker.

when you are most probably to be better parents?

-babies and young children do not time their request for food, sleep, and care for the convenience of adults. Therefore, if your own basic needs of security, love, and purpose are already met, you will be better parents

nearly half a million children each year become part of_family when their parents_. what kind of new family becomes?

-blended family -parents remarry; remarriage creates a new family of stepparents and stepsiblings

what is the one negative health indicator for married people?

-body weight -married adults, particularly men, weigh more than single adults

Triangular theory of love (who made it, what it is, the most complete state in this model)

-by Robret Sternberg -according to this model, three elements (intimacy, passion,and commitment) existing alone or in combination, form different types of love -the most complete, ideal type of love in the model is consummate love, which combines balanced amounts of all three elements

what influences when choosing a romantic partner? (5)

-choosing a partner is influenced by more than just chemical and psychological processes another factors: -proximity -similarities -reciprocity -physical attraction

explain what to do in ID the problem or issue

-clarify exactly what the conflict or problem is -try to understand both sides of the problem -you must say what you want and listen what the other person wants -Use I messages and avoid using blaming you messages -be an active listener: repeat what the other person said and ask questions for clarification

_, particularly those who are _, may be particularly vulnerable to staying in unhealthy relationships. They may become _on a partner for everything

-college students, particularly those who are socially isolated and far from family and hometown friends, may be particularly vulnerable to staying in unhealthy relationships -emotionally dependent

in some states, cohabitation that lasts a designated number of years (usually 7) legally constitutes a _for purposes of _(2)

-common-law marriage -purchasing real estate and sharing other financial obligations

what abilities lay the groundwork for healthy relationships?

-communication skills: expressing ourselves well and knowing how to understand others

breakdowns in relationship usually begin with a change in_. how each partner changes? how the breakdown advances? broke up

-communication, however subtle -either partner may stop listening and cease to be emotionally present for the other -in turn, the other feels ignored, unappreciated, or unwanted -unresolved conflicts increase, unresolved anger can cause problems in sexual relations, which can further increase communication difficulties

list the 3 basic listening modes

-competitive, or combative, listening -passive, or attentive, listening -active, or reflective, listening

Regardless of the structure of the family, certain factors remain important to the well-being of the unit: (4)

-consistency communication affection mutual respect

relationships are nurtured by_

-consistent communication -actions -self-reflection: how we relate to others through our words and actions

why this decrease of marriage may be due? (3)

-delay of first marriages -an increase in cohabitation -small decrease in the number of divorced persons who remarry

self-nurturance

-developing individual potential through a balanced and realistic appreciation of self-worth and ability

when relationships can be harmed due to expectations?

-if we are unable to communicate our expectations, we set ourselves up for disappointment and hurt

list the questions that answering them can also help you determine if a relationship is working (11)

-do you love and care for yourself to the same extent that you did before the relationship? can you be yourself in the relationship? -Is there genuine caring and goodwill? Do you share interests, values, and opinions? Is there mutual respect for differences? -Is there mutual encouragement? Are you there for each other and do you support each other unconditionally? -Do you trust each other? are you honest with each other? can you comfortably express your feelings, opinions, and needs? -Is there room in your relationship for growth as you both evolve and mature?

in the video of for richer or poorer, what is a problem of marriages?

-economic problems, to stay in budget -money problems are the number 1 problem in marriages. it is the number one reason cited for divorces. it outranks any other problem in marriage.

improving listening skills will do what for us? (3)

-enhance relationships -improve our grasp of information -allow us to interpret more effectively what other say

of nonverbal communication, which is universal vs culturally specific?

-facial expressions are believed to have near universal meaning -however, most other body language is culturally specific

physical attraction

-factor affecting the choose of partner -whether such attraction is caused by chemical reaction or a learned behavior, men and women appear to have different attraction criteria

similarities

-factor affecting the choose of partner -you choose a partner based on similarities (in attitudes, values, intellect, interests, education, and socioeconomic status) -opposite attract is not true

proximity

-factor affecting the choose of partner -being in the same place at the same time -the more you see a person at school, work, religious, or social events, the more likely the interaction will occur

it is from our family of origin that we learn about_(9)

-feelings -problem solving -love -intimacy -gender roles -negotiate relationships -have opportunities to communicate effectively -develop attitudes and values -explore spiritual belief systems

explain the following characteristic of intimate relationships: emotional attachment

-feelings of love -intimacy is part of it

many social scientists agree that the happiest committed relationships are_

-flexible enough to allow the partners to grow throughout their lives

body language (2 examples)

-folding your arms across chest, indicating defensiveness -leaning forward in your chair to show interest

why self-disclosure can be a double-edge sword?

-for there is risk in divulging personal insights and feelings -if you that sense sharing feelings and persona thoughts will result in a closer relationship , you will likely take such a risk -but if you believe that the disclosure may result in rejection or alienation, you may not open up so easily. if confidentiality has been violated, you may hesitate to be as open in the future -risk of not disclosing to others is that you will lack intimacy in relationships. weak relationships are characterized by inhibited self-disclosure

how cultures can differ in the ways of expressing feelings and using body language? (2 examples)

-gesture broadly or maintain a closed body posture -some are offended by direct eye contact and others welcome steady gaze

if self-disclosure is a key element in creating healthy communication, but fear is a barrier to that process, what can we do? the following suggestions can help: (5)

-get to know yourself. (self includes feelings, beliefs, thoughts, and concerns; the more you know about yourself, the more likely you will be able to share yourself to others -become more accepting of yourself -be willing to talk about sex (dont let taboos of sex not disclose your sexual past to those intimate ones. with today's triple threat of unintended pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, and HIV/AIDS, there has never been a more important time to discuss sexual history with a partner) -choose a safe context for self-disclosure: choose a setting that you feel safe to let yourself be known. this include when, where and who) -be thoughtful about self-disclosure via social media: Self-disclosure can be an effective methods of building intimacy with another person, but no large groups. Sharing too much info via facebook or twitter may cause you feel vulnerable or embarrassed later.

satisfying and stable relationships are based on_(4)

-good communication -intimacy -friendship -other factors

examples of touch (4)

-handshake -warm hug -hand on the shoulder -kiss on the check

explain competitive, or combative listening

-happens when we are more interested in promoting our own point of view than in understanding or exploring someone else's

_% of American marriages end in divorce. how this percentage has changed compared with previous decades? possible reason?

-has never exceeded 41% -US divorce rate has declined -this may be due to an increase in the age at which persons first marry and also a higher level of education among those who are marrying

role of healthy family

-healthy family's key role and tasks are to nurture and support -healthy families foster a sense of security and feelings of belonging that are central to growth and development

there is an increasing numbers of individuals choosing to have children in a family structure other than_. explain

-heterosexual marriage -single women or lesbian couples can choose adoption or alternative insemination as a way to create a family. single men or gay couples can choose to adopt or obtain the services of a surrogate mother

who are members of today's families? (before vs today)

-historically, most families have been made up of people related by blood, marriage or long-term committed relationships, or adoption -yet today, many other groups of people are recognized and function as family units

what are 2 aspects of a positive relationship? however, how can be used wrongly?

-honesty -verbal affection -however, in troubled relationships they can be used to cover up irresponsible or hurtful behavior (acting in untrustworthy ways or being rude or inconsiderate)

why to self-disclosure?

-if you are willing to share personal information with others, they will likely share personal information with you -if you want to learn more about someone, you usually have to be willing to share some of your personal background and interests with that person, as well -It is not only storytelling or sharing secrets; it is also revealing how you are reacting to the present situation and giving any information about the past that is relevant to the other person's understanding of your current reactions

a healthy marriage contributes to lower stress levels in three important ways:

-improved personal behaviors -expanded support networks -financial stability

of the theories of love and attraction based on brain circuitry and chemistry explain imprinting

-in which our evolutionary patterns, genetic predispositions, and past experiences trigger a romantic reaction

3 key components to loving relationships in Triangular theory of love

-intimacy -passion -commitment

Cohabitation

-intimate partners living together without being married

explain the following characteristic of intimate relationships: need fulfillment (5) (explain each)

-intimate relationships also fulfill psychological needs and this are a means of need fulfillment. through relationships with others, we fulfill our need for: 1. intimacy: someone with whom we can share our feelings freely 2. social integration: someone with whom we can share worries and concerns 3. nurturance: someone we can take care of and who will take care of us 4. assistance: someone to help us in times of need 5. affirmation: someone who will reassure us of our own worth and tell us that we matter

what is the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA)

-is a law defining marriage as a legal union exclusively between one man and one woman and establishing that no state must recognize the relationship between persons of the same sex as marriage, even if the relationship is considered a marriage in another state

explain active, or reflective, listening

-is the single most useful and important listening skill -in active listening, we genuinely want to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling -we are active in confirming our understanding by restating or paraphrasing the speaker's message before we respond. This feedback process is what distinguishes active listening and makes it effective

listening is a vital part of interpersonal communication why? (4)

-it allows us to share feelings, express concerns, communicate wants and needs, and let our thoughts and opinions be known

what jealousy indicates? (2)

-it is not a sing of intense devotion -jealousy often indicates underlying problems, such as insecurity or possessiveness, which may prove to be a significant barrier to a healthy relationship

How do I cope with a bad breakup?

-it may feel as if there is no end to the sorrow, anger, and guilt that often accompany a difficult breakup, but time is a miraculous healer -acknowledging your feelings, finding healthful ways to express them, spending time with friends, and allowing yourself to take as much time as you need to heal are all helpful in dealing with the end of a romantic relationship

what is very important when entering a relationship?

-knowing, understanding, and feeling good about oneself before entering a relationship is very important

reasons to not really listen (no listen)

-lack of sleep -stress -being preoccupied -having too much to drink -being under the influence of drugs -speaker is motor mouth who talks for the sake of talking -you find the speaker or subject boring

relationships that are lacking _(2)can become physically and emotionally abusive

-lacking mutual respect and consideration

what is crucial in having a successful relationship? (3)

-learning to communicate -respecting each other -sharing genuine fondness are crucial

describe the characteristics of romantic relationship: sexual desire

-lovers desire physical intimacy and want to touch, hold, and engage in sexual activities with the other

describe the characteristics of romantic relationship: exclusiveness

-lovers have special relationship that usually precludes having the same kind of relationship with a third party. the love relationship often takes priority over all others

describe the characteristics of romantic relationship: fascination

-lovers tend to pay attention to the other person even when they should be involved in other activities -they are preoccupied with the other and want to think about, talk to, and be with the other

what is the relation between cohabitation and marriage?

-many people thought that cohabitation before marriage was likely to lead to the ultimate breakup of the marriage. However, according to a report from the National Center for Health Statistics, cohabitation is not a clear predictor of marriage success or failure -while cohabitation can serve as a prelude to marriage, for some people, it is an alternative to marriage

what are the forms that committed relationships can take? (3)

-marriage -cohabitation -Gay and Lesbian Partnerships

how marriage relates to smoking, drinking, or risky sexual behaviors?

-married adults are about half as likely to be smokers as are single, divorced, or separated adults -they are also less likely to be heavy drinkers or to engage in risky sexual behavior

increasing numbers of adults of all ages are electing to _(2)

-marry later -to remain single

what is the physical attraction criteria of men?

-men tend to be attracted by youth and beauty

in traditional times and relationships, who had the power of decision making in a family and why?

-men were the wage-earners and consequently, had decision-making power -women exerted much influence, but ultimately, they needed a man's income for survival

what are the characteristics of romantic relationships? (6)

-romantic relationships include all the characteristics of friendship as well as the following characteristics related to passion and caring: -fascination -exclusiveness -sexual desire -giving the utmost -being a champion or advocate

explain the following characteristic of intimate relationships: behavioral interdependence

-mutual impact that people have on each other as their lives intertwine -what one person does influences what the other person wants to do and can do -behavioral interdependence may become stronger over time to the point that each person would feel a great void if the other were gone

what factors can complicate the decision to end a bad relationship?

-mutual obligations, such as shared rental, financial, or transportation arrangements, and sometimes, child care

as two people learn to_the number and intensity of conflicts should diminish. Conflict resolution can be a growth process as people learn to_

-negotiate and compromise on their differences -recognize problems and find solutions based on past experience

explain passive, or attentive, listening

-occurs when we are genuinely interested in hearing and understanding the other person's point of view -This type of listening encourages further discussion

how can I communicate better?

-one way to communicate better is to pay attention to you body language (nonverbal cues) -laughing, smiling, and gesturing all help convey meaning and assure your partner that you are actively engaged in the conversation

open relationship (other name and definition)

-open marriage -relationship in which partners agree that sexual involvement can occur outside the relationship -in which the partners agree that may be sexual involvement outside their relationship

what are other causes of jealousy?

-overdependence on the relationship: have few social ties and rely excursively on partner tend to be fearful of losing them -severity of the threat: people may feel uneasy if someone with stunning good looks and a great personality appears to be interested in his or her partner -high value on sexual exclusivity: believe in sexual exclusivity is a crucial indicator of love are more likely to become jealous -low self-esteem -fear of losing control: fear of loosing control of partner can create jealously

in mutually rewarding intimate relationships, how people interact? (think about need fulfillment part)

-partners and friends meet each other's needs. They disclose feelings, share confidences, and provide support and reassurance. each person comes away feeling better for the interaction and validated by the other person

in successful relationships, how power is distributed among partners?

-partners share responsibilities, power, and control. -unequal distribution of power in certain area may affect the quality of the relationship

establishing a _parenting style sets the stage for healthy family growth and development. how some people parent?

-positive, respectful parenting style -good parenting does not necessarily come naturally. Many people parent as they were parented. This strategy may or may not follow sound child-rearing principles

couples seeking a long-term relationship must confront a number of issues that can either enhance or diminish their chances of success. these issues can involve: (4)

-power sharing -gender roles -communication about unmet expectations -jealousy -

what are the 3 fundamental elements of trust?

-predictability -dependability -faith

benefits of healthy marriage (6)

-provides emotional support by combining the benefits of friendship and a loving committed relationship -provides stability for both the couple and for those involved in their lives -married people live longer, feel happier, remain mentally alert longer, and suffer fewer physical and mental health problems -couples in healthy marriages have less stress, which in turn contributes to better overall health -provides opportunity for strong integration into a network of family and friends to provide assistance and help couples cope when stressors inevitably arise -marriage is strongly correlated to economic well-being,which can impact both health status and stress levels

list the tips for coping with a failed relationship (4) break up

-recognize and acknowledge your feelings: include grief, loneliness, rejection, anger, guilt, relief, or sadness. seek professional help and support if needed -find healthful ways to express your emotions, rather than turning them inward: ex: walk, talk to friends, listen to music, work out at gym, volunteer, write a journal -spend time with current friends, or reconnect with old friends -Do not rush into a "rebound" relationship: you need time to resolve your experience rather than escape from it. you cannot be trusting and intimate in a new relationship if you are still working on getting over a past relationship

The ability to _(2) are essential components of a productive healthy life

-relate well and to give and receive love and support

does an intimate relationship have to be sexual? give examples of intimacy

-relationships can be intimate without being sexual -we may be accustomed to hearing "intimacy" used to describe romantic or sexual relationships, but intimate relationships can take many forms. The emotional bond that characterize intimate relationships often spans the generations and help individuals gain insight and understanding into each other's worlds -two people can be emotionally intimate (share feelings) or spiritually intimate (share spiritual beliefs and meanings) or they can be intimtae freinds

intimate relationships (with who and characterized by what (4))

-relationships with family members, friends, and romantic partners, characterized by behavioral interdependence, need fulfillment, emotional attachment, and emotional availability

Many Americans view of marriage as _that emphasize _

-religious sacrament -certain rights and obligations for each spouse

children are amazingly _(2) if parents show respect and communicate about household activities that affect their lives. what kind of parents this description includes? what parents are required to do?

-resilient and forgiving -parents that did not last together (divorced) -even children who group up in households full of conflict can feel loved and respected if their parents treat them fairly -This means that parents must take responsibility for their own emotions and make it clear to children that they are not the reason for conflict

all relationships involve a degree of _

-risk. However, only by taking these risks can we grow and truly experience all that life has to offer

challenges that lesbian and gay couples face (5)

-same challenges to successful relationships faced by heterosexual couples, such as effective communication and conflict resolution -they face discrimination and difficulties dealing with social, legal, and religious doctrines -For lesbian and gay couples, obtaining the same level of "marriage-benefits," such as tax deductions, power-of-attorney rights, continues to be a challenge

serial monogamy

-series of monogamous sexual relationships -which means that a person has a monogamous sexual relationship with one partner before moving on to another monogamous relationship

what are 3 aspects of strong communication skills? (3)

-sharing information through self-disclosure -becoming a better listener -understanding nonverbal communication

self-disclosure

-sharing personal feelings or information with others

what groups support the single life-style? (4) hows some singles live that encourage single life-style?

-single clubs -social outings arranged by communities and religious groups -extended family environments -many social services -all these support the single lifestyle -many singles live rich, rewarding lives and maintain a large network of close friends and family

attraction is a complex notion and influenced by _(3) factors

-social -biological -cultural

any _existing in your relationship will be further _when parenting is added to your responsibilities. having a child _(what does to bad relationships)

-stresses -accentuated -having a child does not save a bad relationship, in fact, it seems only to compound the problems that already exist. -a child cannot and should not be expected to provide parents with self-esteem and security

establishing and maintaining strong friendships may be a good predictor of your_. why?

-success in establishing love relationships, as each requires interests and values, mutual acceptance, trust, understanding, respect, and levels of confiding

explain the following characteristic of intimate relationships: emotional availabilty

-the ability to give and receive emotionally from others without fear of being hurt or rejected

interpersonal space (what it is and what can be offensive)

-the amount of physical space that separates two people -getting too close can be offensive

components to loving relationships in Triangular theory of love: commitment

-the cognitive component, which includes the decision to be open to love in the short term and the commitment to the relationship in the long term

what are some drawbacks of cohabitation? (4) (include greatest disadvantage)

-the greatest disadvantage is the lack of societal validation for the relationship, especially if the couple subsequently has children -deal with pressure from parents and friends -difficulties in obtaining insurance and tax benefits -legal issues over property

the quality of love relationships is reflected by_(in Triangular theory of love)

-the level of intimacy, passion, and commitment each person brings to the relationship over time

what percentage of Americans strive to develop committed relationships, even though many have difficulty maintaining them?

-the majority (95%)

components to loving relationships in Triangular theory of love: passion

-the motivational component, which includes lust, attraction, and sexual arousal

why so many relationships that start great run into trouble?

-the myth of living "happily ever after" once the right person is found. -The myth does not account for the fact that healthy relationships do not just happen; they require certain attributes and continued effort

risk of divorce is lower for what kind of people?

-the risk of divorce is lower for educated people marrying for the first time and lower still for people who wait to marry until at last their mid-twenties, who have not lived with multiple partners prior marriage, or who are strongly religious and marry someone of the same faith

what is the bigger difference between men and women regarding communication? explain women vs men in this category

-the way in which men and women interpret or process the same message -women: are more sensitive to interpersonal meanings "between the lines". women perceive interpersonal meaning of communication -men: are more sensitive to subtle messages about status. men perceive communication defines person's place in the relationship

self-concept (definition and examples)

-the way you define yourself -it is like a mental mirror that reflects how you view your physical features, emotional states, talents, likes and dislikes, values, and roles ex: define one as activist, mother, honor student, athlete, musician, etc

self-esteem (definition and examples)

-the way you evaluate yourself -how you feel about yourself or evaluate yourself ex: consider yourself an excellent student, horrible singer, great lover, or 10 in terms of appareance

why do relationships end? (8)

-there are many reasons, including illness, financial concerns, and career problems -unmet expectations. failure to communicate expectations, about how they and their partner will behave when enter the relationship, can lead to resentment and disappointment -differences in sexual needs -under stress, communication and cooperation between partners can break down -conflict, negative interactions, and a general lack of respect between partners can erode even the most loving relationships

gestures (examples) (3 types of gestures)

-these can include gestures that replace words such as thumbs up or wave hello or good-bye, or movements that augment verbal communication, such as indicating with your hands how big the fish was -gestures can be rude such as glancing at one's watch to indicate a wish to escape or rolling one's eyes to indicate disdain for what has been said

Tone of voice (what it is and 3 things includes)

-this does not refer to what you say, but how you say it -include pitch and volume of voice and speed of speech

what means by self-nurturance and what self-nurturing people do when the balance is disrupted?

-to make good choices in life, a person must balance many physical and emotional needs, including sleep, eating, exercising, working, relaxing, and socializing -when the balance is disrupted, self-nurturing people are patient with themselves and try to put things back on course

goal of conflict resolution (2)

-to solve differences peacefully and creatively

nonverbal communication includes: (6)

-touch -gestures -interpersonal space -body language -tone of voice -facial expressions

a good friend can be a _(4)

-trustworthy companion -someone who respects your strengths as well as your weaknesses -someone who can share your joys and your sorrows -someone you can count on for support

list strategies to communicate when emotions run high (9)

-try to be specific rather than general about how you feel -when expressing anger or irritation, first describe the specific behavior you do not like, then your feelings -if you have mixed feelings, say so; express each feeling, and explain what each is about -Use "I" messages rather than "you" statements that can cast blame. By using "I" messages, the speaker takes responsibility for communicating his or her own feelings, thoughts, and beliefs -avoid making judgmental statements, lecturing, or projecting superiority -during a heated conflict, pause before responding and consider the possible impact of your commitment. Wait to discuss a problem if you cannot remain calm -keep an open mind, and use qualifying statements to invite others to state their opinions -when you ask for feedback, be prepared for an honest answer -Be careful when trying to communicate or interpret emotionally charged messages via e-mail or text. It can be hard to interpret their intended meaning without the nonverbal support of tone of voice and body language

healthy friendships involve:

-understanding the roles and boundaries within the friendship -communicating needs, expectations, limitations, and affections -Having a sense of equity in which confidences are shared and both participants contribute fairly and equally to maintaining the friendship -Consistently trying to give as much as one gets from the relationship

Healthy vs unhealthy relationships: communication

-unhealthy: one of you feels unheard and is unable to communicate what you want -healthy: you express and listen to each other's feelings, needs, and desires

Healthy vs unhealthy relationships: sex voluntary

-unhealthy: one of you has forced or coerced the other to have sex -healthy: you both respect sexual boundaries and are able to say no to sex

Healthy vs unhealthy relationships: safe sex methods

-unhealthy: one of you is scared of asking the other to use protection or has refused the other's requests for safe sex -healthy: you both practice safer sex methods

Healthy vs unhealthy relationships: violence

-unhealthy: one of you yells and hits, shoves, or throws things tat the other in an argument -healthy: you resolve conflicts in a rational, peaceful, and mutually agreed upon way

Healthy vs unhealthy relationships: focus of relationship

-unhealthy: you care for and focus on another person only and neglect yourself or you focus only on yourself and neglect the other person -healthy: You both love and take care of yourselves before and while in a relationship

Healthy vs unhealthy relationships: privacity

-unhealthy: you don't have any personal space and have to share everything with the other person -Healthy: you respect each other's need for privacy

Healthy vs unhealthy relationships: how both develop within relationship

-unhealthy: you feel stifled, trapped, and stagnant. you are unable to escape the pressures of the relationship -healthy: you both have room for positive growth, and you both learn more about each other as you develop and mature

Healthy vs unhealthy relationships: honesty

-unhealthy: you lie to each other and find yourself making excuses for the other person -healthy: you both trust and are honest with yourselves and with each other

Healthy vs unhealthy relationships: sexual histories

-unhealthy: your partner keeps his sexual history a secret or hides a sexually transmitted infection form you, or you do not disclose your history to your partner -healthy: you share sexual histories and information about sexual health with each other

how do you learn to have a good relationship with yourself?

-value and accept yourself -people with high self-esteem show respect for themselves by remaining true to their values and beliefs -they feel worthy of success in love, relationships, and life in general

expectations are an extension of our_

-values, beliefs, hopes, and dreams for the future

when we listen effectively, what we are doing?

-we try to understand what people are thinking and feeling from their perspective -we not only hear the words, we try to understand what is really being said.

At the time DOMA was enacted, same-sex couples were_. how this has changed? include states in your discussion

-were not allowed to marry in any US state -since then, 8 states and the district of Columbia have recognized equal marriage rights for same-sex couples, and thousands of couples have married -2 of those state laws were later overturned (California and Maine), but California still honors the marriages that took place while the law was in effect -The two additional states (Washington and Maryland) have passed gay marriage legislation that has not yet taken effect

what is a sign that the relationship is in trouble?

-when a couple who previously enjoyed spending time together find themselves continually in the company of others, spending time apart, or preferring to stay home alone -need for individual privacy is not cause for worry. if, however a partner decides to change the amount and quality of time spent together without the input or understanding other, it may be a sign of hidden problems

regarding expectations, how they can help relationships thrive?

-when expectations are communicated and agreed upon, these expectation help relationships thrive -partners in healthy relationships can communicate wants and needs and have honest discussions when things are not going as expected or as planned

changing patterns in family life affect the environment in which children are raised. In modern society, it is not always clear which partner will_

-will adjust his or her work schedule to provide the primary care of children

without trust, how relationships can build?

-without trust, intimacy will not develop, and the relationship will likely to fail -with time, relationships that lack trust can build it, but that requires opening one's self to others, which carries the risk of hurt or rejection

In communication, describe how women vs men differ in: speech patterns (5)

-women: -higher pitched, softer voices -use approximately 5 speech tones -may sound more emotional - make more tentative statements -interrupt less often -men: -lower pitched, louder voices -use approximately 3 speech tones -may sound more abrupt -make more direct statements -more likely to interrupt

In communication, describe how women vs men differ in: behavioral differences (8)

-women: -more emotional approach -express intimate feelings more readily -tendency to hold grudges -give more compliments -gossip more -more likely to ask for help -tend to take rejection more personally -apologize more frequently -men: -more inclined to be analytical -have more difficulty in expressing intimate feelings -hold fewer grudges -give fewer compliments -gossip less -less likely to ask for help -tent to take rejection less personally -apologize less often

In communication, describe how women vs men differ in: facial expression (2)

-women: -smile and nod more often - maintain better eye contact -men: -frown more often -often avoid eye contact

explain the element of trust: faith

-your belief in your partner having positive intentions and behavior

how self-esteem is related to relationships?

-your perception and acceptance of yourself influences your relationships -if you feel unattractive, insecure, or inferior to others, you may choose not to interact with other people or to avoid social events. Or you may unconsciously seek out individuals who confirm your negative view of yourself by treating you poorly -If you are secure about your unique characteristics and talents, that positive self-concept will make it easier to form relationships with people who support and nurture you and to interact with a variety of people in a healthy, balanced way

list the strategies for conflict resolution

1. ID the problem or issue 2. Generate several possible solutions 3. Evaluate the alternative solutions (narrow down to one or two that seem to work for both parties) 4. decide on the best solution 5. Implement the solution (discuss how the decision will be carried out; establish responsibilities) 6. Follow up: evaluate whether solution is working. how other person feels about it,are you satisfied with the way the solution is working out? if not, discuss revising the plan and both parties must agree to any changes to plan

list the 4 characteristics of intimate relationships

1. behavioral interdependence 2. need fulfillment 3. emotional attachment 4. emotional availability

we listen best when_ (3)

1. we believe the message is somehow important and relevant to us 2. the speaker holds our attention through humor, dramatic effect, use of the media, or other techniques 3. we are in the mood to listen (free of distractions and worries)

According to the US census bureau, in 2009 over _% of all children under age 18 were living in families headed by man or woman raising a child alone, reflecting a growing trend in America

26%

_% of pregnancies in the US are unintended

49%

what percentages in 2009 of men vs women that have never been married?

54.4% of women aged 20 to 34. Likewise, men in this age group postponed marriage in increasing numbers, with 64.4% percent remaining unmarried

explain how Fisher explains 4-year itch and how some couples last longer

Fisher suggests that the significant drop in phenylethylamine (PEA) leeves over a 3- to 4-year period leads to the "4-year itch" that manifests in peaking fourth-year divorce rates present in more than 60 cultures -Romances that last beyond the 4-year mark are influenced by endorphins that give lovers a sense of security, peace, and calm

in 2000, what was the first country to legalize same sex marriage?

Netherlands

Satisfying relationships share traits such as good _(4) Successful relationships

Satisfying relationships share traits such as good communication, intimacy, and friendship, and trust.

The ability to _is an important skill in relationships

The ability to communicate clearly and assertively is an important skill in relationships.

Who coined the term genderlect? Was it: (a) Deborah Tannen; or (b) Robert Sternberg.

The answer is A - Deborah Tannen

The impact that people have on each other as their lives intertwine is known as: (a) behavioral interdependence; or (b) emotional attachment.

The answer is A - behavioral interdependence.

The need for being nuturant means that we require others who(m): (a) we can take care of; or (b) will help us in crisis.

The answer is A - we can take care of.

According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, attraction and falling in love follow a pattern based on: (a) imprinting, attraction, attachment, and the production of a cuddle chemical; or (b) fascination, exclusiveness, sexual desire, giving the utmost, and being a champion?

The answer is A. This pattern is based upon brain circuitry and chemistry.

What percentage of people marrying today will get divorced? Is it: (a) 68% or (b) 50%?

The answer is B - 50%.

What percentage of all Americans marry at least once? Is it: (a) 75% or (b) 90%?

The answer is B - 90%.

After a painful divorce, Rick met a woman he was very interested in but held his emotions for rear of rejection. This relates to what characteristic of intimate relationships? Is it: (a) emotional attachment; or (b) emotional availability?

The answer is B - Rick was not willing to make himself emotionally available

Intimate relationships fulfill our psychological need for someone to listen to our worries and concerns. Is this known as our need for: (a) dependence; or (b) social integration?

The answer is B - Social integration gives us the opportunity to share with someone our worries and concerns.

Lovers tend to pay attention to the other person even when they should be involved in other activities. Is this called: (a) exclusivity; or (b) fascination?

The answer is B - With fascination, a lover is preoccupied with the other and all the person wants to do is think about, talk to, or be with the other person

Which one of the following is not one of the characteristics of intimate relationships? Is it: (a) need fulfillment; or (b) an emotional dialectic.

The answer is B - an emotional dialectic.

The text defines four characteristics of intimate relationships as behavioral interdependence, need fulfillment, emotional attachment, and: (a) emotional environment; or (b) emotional availability.

The answer is B - emotional availability.

Sam and Kris have entered a relationship and seem very preoccupied with each other. They constantly want to be with or talk to each other, characterizing which dimension of passion and caring? Is it: (a) being a companion; or (b) fascination.

The answer is B - fascination.

Relationships with family members, friends, and romantic partners are called: (a) needy relationships; or (b) intimate relationships.

The answer is B - intimate relationships.

Close friends who share their worries and concerns are examples of: (a) mutual dependence; or (b) need fulfillment.

The answer is B - need fulfillment.

Predictability, dependability, and faith are three fundamental basic elements of: (a) friendship; or (b) trust?

The answer is B - trust.

One important factor in choosing a partner is proximity, which refers to: (a) being in the same place at the same time; or (b) mutual regard.

The correct answer is A - being in the same place at the same time. The more you see a person in your hometown, at social gatherings, or at work, the more likely that interaction will occur.

Ovulation usually occurs on the: (a) 7th day of the proliferatory phase; or (b) 14th day of the proliferatory phase.

The correct answer is B - 14th day of the proliferatory phase.

An emotional or physical attraction to members of both sexes is termed: (a) homosexual or (b) bisexual.

The correct answer is B - bisexual.

Some researchers speculate that after a significant drop in chemicals that result in the "passion high," divorce rates peak during the _______ year in marriage. Is it: (a) fourth; or (b) fifth?

The correct answer is B - fifth year of marriage.

According to Sternberg's Triangular Theory of love, which of the following is true? Is it: (a) A high level of commitment is the most important factor of the theory; or (b) Passion is the motivational component.

The correct answer is B - passion is the motivational component.

how men and women differ when it comes to love?

Women tend to be more expressive, relationship oriented, and concerned with maintaining intimacy. Men tend to be more task oriented, and concerned with maintaining social status and power. Unlike women, men tend to believe that they are not supposed to show emotions and are brought up to believe that "being strong" is more important than having close relationships. As a result, men are generally less likely to share their innermost thoughts.

often jealousy is rooted to _

a past relationship in which an individual experienced deception and loss

people who are on a path of accountability and self-nurturance have much better chance of _

achieving life's balance and maintaining satisfying relationships with others

how relationship change if decide to be parents?

if you decide to raise children, your relationship with your partners will change -resources of time, energy, and money are split many ways, and you will not longer be able to give each other undivided attention

the theories of love and attraction based on brain circuitry and chemistry explain attachment

in which endorphins (nautral opiates) cause lovers to feel paceful, secure, and calm

the theories of love and attraction based on brain circuitry and chemistry explain attraction

in which neurochemicals produce feelings of euphoria and elation

the theories of love and attraction based on brain circuitry and chemistry explain production of a cuddle chemical

in which the brain secretes the hormone oxytocin, stimulating sensations during lovemaking and eliciting feelings of satisfaction and attachment

For a variety of reasons, _numbers of Americans are choosing cohabitation

increasing

what is the definition of success in relationship?

is often based on whether a couple stays together and remains close over the years

although a certain amount of jealousy can be expected in any loving relationship, it _(how will not affect relationship)

it does not have to threaten the relationship as long as partners communicate openly about it

to communicate as effectively as possible, what to do with nonverbal cues?

it is important to recognize and use appropriate nonverbal cues that support and help clarify your verbal messages

In both men and women, jealously is related to believing _

it would be difficult to find another relationship if the current one ends

what is one of the largest barriers to intimacy?

jealously

Lesbians and gay man seek the same things in primary relationship that heterosexual partners do: _(6)

love friendship communication validation companionship sense of stability

how the division of labor and gender roles can affect a relationship?

over time, if couples are unable to communicate how they feel about the division of household responsibilities and arrive at an equitable solution, the relationship is likely to suffer

family of origin (definition)

people present in the household during a child's first years of life; usually parents and siblings

after friendship, what is the next relationship one makes?

romantic relationships

Fisher speculates that some people become attraction junkies, _

seeking out the intoxication of new love much as a drug user seeks a chemical high

Developing your individual potential through a balanced and realistic appreciation of your self-worth and abilities is a quality known as __________.

self-nurturance

The lifetime pattern for many Americans appears to be _

serial monogamy

friendships can be some of life's most_

stable and enduring relationships

numerous studies have shown that having _ is beneficial to health

supportive interpersonal relationships

what is the key ingredient for a stable and satisfying relationship?

trust

Healthy vs unhealthy relationships: individuality and differences

unhealthy: one of you feels the pressure to change to meet the other person's standards and is afraid to disagree or voice ideas healthy: you respect each other's individuality, embrace your differences, and allow each other to "be yourselves"

Healthy vs unhealthy relationships: independence

unhealthy: one of you has to justify what you do, where you go, and whom you see healthy: you both do things with friends and family and have activities independent of each other

Healthy vs unhealthy relationships: decisions

unhealthy: one of you makes all the decisions and controls everything without listening to the other's input -healthy: you discuss things with each other, allow for differences of opinion, and compromise equally

nonverbal communication

unwritten and unspoken messages, both intentional and unintentional