Ch. 8: Love

Prototype approach to love (Fehr, 1988)

- "list words that you consider to be features of love." - *trust & caring* most central to love prototype. - *uncertainty & "butterflies"* are peripheral.

Finkel et al. (2015) - Eras of marriage

- *Institutional era:* 1776-1850; focus of marriage included fulfilling basic needs like food, shelter, & safety. - *Companionate era:* 1850-1965; focus of marriage was on genuine love since the world was increasingly easier to live in. - *Self-expressive era:* we still want basic needs & love, but now we want to express who we are in a relationship too.

Lee's love styles

- *eros:* very easily influenced by physical appearance. seeks intense, passionate relationship. - *ludus:* considers love a game & likes to play in the field. - *storge:* prefers friendships that grow into lasting commitments. - *mania:* demanding, possessive, & excitable. - *agape:* altruistic & dutiful. - *pragma:* practical, careful, & logical in seeking a mate.

Romantic/Companionate love & evolutionary problems

- *lust:* drives reproduction. - *attraction:* promotes pursuit of a partner & drives pair bonding. - *attachment:* keeps couples together long enough to sustain young children.

Gender differences in love

- *men:* more avoidant of intimacy, less anxious about abandonment, possess more romantic attitudes, more likely to believe in "love at first sight," fall in love quicker, & put more value on passion. - *women:* experience more intense & more volatile emotions, more selective about who they love.

Attachment & relationship satisfaction

- Secure people enjoy greater intimacy with partners. - secure people have more frequent sex that involves more arousal & greater pleasure/satisfaction. - secure people tend to be more committed. - secure people have enhanced compassionate love for their partners. - attachment styles can change, but still influence future relationships.

Compassionate love

- altruistic care & concern for the well-being of one's partner. - combines trust & understanding of *intimacy* with *compassion* and caring that involves empathy, selflessness, & sacrifice on behalf of the beloved.

Excitation transfer

- arousal from 1 stimulus carries over to an attractive person & you attribute the entire arousal to that person. - Dutton & Aron (1974): men who crossed dangerous bridges were more likely to call the confederate for a date. only works if you perceive them as attractive beforehand.

Changes in marriage expectations over time

- average marriages are less satisfying now than in previous eras because people are seeking different things. - the best marriages are more satisfying than in earlier eras. - poor & wealthy people have the same ideals for marriage & expectations for relationships. low SES people are less likely to get married tho.

How can self-concept change in a relationship?

- can shrink or expand. - can become more negative or more positive. - 4 types of change: self-expansion, self-contraction, self-pruning, & self-adulteration.

Romantic love

- combination of liking & infatuation. - commitment isn't necessarily a defining feature.

Companionate love

- comfortable, affectionate, communal, trusting love based on friendship & companionship. - underlie long-term relationships. - linked to oxytocin: those with higher levels are warmer & have approach motivation. - combo of trust & intimacy with compassion & caring.

Reasons for decline in romantic love

- fantasy enhances romance, but it erodes with time. - novelty adds excitement to new loves, but it fades with familiarity. - arousal fuels romance, but it fades as time goes by.

Romantic love & the 2-factor theory of emotion

- heightened physiological arousal. - belief that this arousal is caused by the beloved person (cognitive appraisal).

How does love change as we age?

- older couples interact with less physical arousal but more good cheer. - emotions become less intense but more positive.

Physiological foundation of companionate love

- passion & intimacy are distinct & activate different brain areas. - possible to feel strong desire for those we don't love & feel little passion for those we're committed to.