Chapter 12-Relationship with Friends

Friendship is VOLUNTARY

"Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends"

Friendship Challenges

1. Betrayal 2. Geographic Separation 3. Attraction

Friendship, Culture, and Gender

1. In US/Canada women's friendships are often stereotyped as communal and men's as agentic. However *men and women rate the importance of friendships equally* 2. Westerners believe friendships DONT endure, while other cultures believe they are *intimate and long lasting* (Example Americans tend to say their closet relationships is with their romantic partner while the Japanese say it's their friends) 3. In other cultures, not Euro-American, men and women see same sex friends as *their primary source of intimacy* 4. Studies of males friendship in North America found *companionship* is the primary need met by the relationship 5. Euro-American men, *unlike women*, learn to avoid direct expressions of affection in same-sex friendships

When attraction occurs friends can..

1. Repress the attraction(this can be achieved through mental management- doing things to actively manage how you feel about each other so attraction is diminished) 2. Become romantically involved 3. Friends with benefits arrangement

Ten Rules of Friendship

1. Show Support 2. Seek Support 3. Respect Privacy 4. Keep confidence 5. Defend your friends 6. Avoid public criticism 7. Make your friends happy 8. Manage jealousy 9.Share humor 10. Maintain equity (two people give and get in roughly equal proportions/keep a balance)

Characteristics of Friendship

1. Voluntary 2. Shared interests 3. Self-disclosure 4. Liking 5. Volatile

Interethnic Friendships

A bond between people who share the same cultural background but who are of different ethnic groups Attributional/Perceptual (stereotypes) errors are the biggest barriers to interethnic friendships

Cross-Sex Friendships

A friendship between a man and a woman that is strictly platonic Have become more common Are far less stable than cross-sex friendships

Friendship

A voluntary interpersonal relationship characterized by intimacy and liking

Identity Support

Behaving in ways that convey understanding, acceptance, and support for a friend's valued social identities

Friendships Shift Across Our Lifespan

Emotional attachment during youth is often with our family, then during late adolescences- middle school/high school/college- it's with our friends, during our middle adulthood it's with our romantic partner/family, and then when we become elderly it's friends again

Two ways we keep friendships alive....

Following friendship rules and using maintenance strategies

Friends with Benefits Relationship

Formed because participants: 1. Welcome the lack of commitment 2. Want to satisfy sexual needs

Cross Category Friendships:

Forming friendships that cross demographic lines. Cross sex, cross-orientation, intercultural, and interethnic.

Geographic Separation

Friends who overcome geographic separation have a... Strong liking for each other and accept change

Friendship is VOLATILE

Friendships are less stable, more likely to change, and easier to break off than *family or romantic relationships*

Cross-Orientation Friendships

Friendships between LGBTQ people and straight men or women Straight men have the fewest cross-orientation friendships

Intercultural Friendships

Friendships between people from different cultures or countries Strongest predictor of intercultural friendships is prior intercultural friendships

Agentic Friendships (achievement of practical goals)

Friendships in which the parties are primarily focused on helping each other achieve practical goals, such as those among peers in a study group or colleagues at work

Communal Friendships (companionship)

Friendships that focus primarily on sharing time and activities together (friends try to get together often, and provide emotional support)

Friendship Rules

General principles that prescribe appropriate communication and behavior within friendship relationships

Betrayal

Includes: 1. Breaking confidence 2. Backstabbing- criticizing a friend behind their back 3. Spreading rumors 4. Lying

Attraction

Men report more of a desire for romantic involvement with platonic friends than female

Maintenance Strategies

Sharing activities Self-disclosure

Valued Social Identities

The aspects of your public self that you deem the most important in defining who you are

Best Friends

Typically same sex Have greater intimacy, disclosure, and commitment than close friends Provide unconditional support/listen Share substantial activities/experiences Provide identity support for each others' valued social identities (most important factor)

Friendship is characterized by SELF-DISCLOSURE

We are more willing to disclose to those who we consider our friends

Friendship is characterized by LIKING

We feeling affection and respect for our friends

Friendship is DRIVEN BY SHARED INTERESTS

similarity is the primary force that draws us to our friends