Chapter 14: Emotional and Social Development in Early Adulthood

Factors Related to Marital Satisfaction

BACKGROUNDS Happy: Partners similar in SES, education, religion, and age Unhappy: Partners very different in SES, education, religion, and age AGE AT MARRIAGE Happy: After mid-20s Unhappy: Before mid-20s TIMING OF FIRST PREGNANCY Happy: After first year of marriage Unhappy: Before or within first year of marriage RELATIONSHIP TO EXTENDED FAMILY Happy: Warm and positive Unhappy: Negative; wish to maintain distance MARITAL PATTERNS IN EXTENDED FAMILY Happy: Stable Unhappy: Unstable; frequent separations and divorces FINANCIAL AND EMPLOYMENT STATUS Happy: Secure Unhappy: Insecure FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES Happy: Shared; perception of fairness Unhappy: Largely the woman's responsibility; perception of unfairness PERSONALITY CHARACTERISTICS AND BEHAVIOR Happy: Emotionally positive; common interests; good conflict-resolution skills Unhappy: Emotionally negative and impulsive; lack of common interests; poor conflict-resolution skills

Families with adolescents

Adolescence brings sharp changes in parental roles. In Chapters 11 and 12, we noted that parents must establish a revised relationship with their adolescent children—blending guidance with freedom and gradually loosening control. As adolescents gain in autonomy and explore values and goals in their search for identity, parents often complain that their teenager is too focused on peers and no longer cares about being with the family. Heightened parent-child bickering over everyday issues takes a toll, especially on mothers, who do most of the negotiating with teenagers. Overall, children seem to navigate the challenges of adolescence more easily than parents, many of whom report a dip in marital and life satisfaction (Cui & Donnellan, 2009). More people seek family therapy during this phase of the family life cycle than during any other.

Avoidant Attachment

Adults who reported an avoidant attachment history (demanding, disrespectful, and critical parents) displayed internal working models that stressed independence, mistrust of love partners, and anxiety about people getting too close. They were convinced that others disliked them and that romantic love is hard to find and rarely lasts. Jealousy, emotional distance, lack of support in response to their partner's distress, and little enjoyment of physical contact pervaded their most important love relationship (Pietromonaco & Beck, 2015). Avoidant adults endorsed many unrealistic beliefs about relationships—for example, that partners cannot change, that men's and women's needs differ, and that "mind reading" is expected (Stackert & Bursik, 2003).

Is Emerging Adulthood Really a Distinct Stage of Development?

Although broad consensus exists that cultural change has prolonged the transition to adult roles for many young people, researchers disagree over whether these years should be designated a new life stage (Côté, 2014; Kloep & Hendry, 2011). Critics of emerging adulthood offer the following arguments. First, burgeoning higher education enrollment, delayed career entry, and later marriage and parenthood are cultural trends that began as early as the 1970s in industrialized nations, only gradually becoming more conspicuous. At no time has adulthood in complex societies been attained at a distinct moment. Rather, young people in the past reached adult status earlier in some domains and later in others, just as they do today. They also may reverse direction—for example, move back to the parental home to get their bearings after finishing college or abandon a career in favor of renewed study (Côté & Bynner, 2008; du Bois-Reymond, 2016). In accord with the lifespan perspective, development is multidimensional and multidirectional for 18- to 29-year-olds as it is for adults of all ages. Second, the term emerging adulthood fails to describe the experiences of most of the world's youths (Nelson & Luster, 2016). In developing countries, the majority of young people—particularly women—are limited in education and marry and have children early. According to one estimate, about 1 billion individuals—nearly 70 percent of young people—follow this traditional route to adulthood (World Health Organization, 2015h). Third, research on emerging adulthood largely emphasizes its personal and societal benefits. But the extended exploration that defines this period might be a coping mechanism for young people who cannot find rewarding jobs. When college graduates find satisfying work enabling financial independence, most choose not to postpone these responsibilities (Arum & Roksa, 2014). Furthermore, an extended emerging adulthood is risky for those who have not developed the personal agency to make good choices and acquire adult skills (Smith et al., 2011). These young people may remain uncommitted for too long—an outcome that impedes the focused learning required for a successful work life. Finally, the financial upheaval of the late 2000s left large numbers of bachelor's degree holders with restricted options. In 2015, over 7 percent of recent college graduates were unemployed, and 15 percent were underemployed—in low-paid jobs not requiring a college degree (Davis, Kimball, & Gould, 2015). Rather than a "natural," self-chosen period of unparalleled opportunities, these graduates' delayed entry into adult roles resulted from a national economic crisis (Kotkin, 2012). Proponents of emerging adulthood as a distinct stage respond that, though not universal, it applies to most young people in industrialized societies and is spreading in developing nations that play major roles in our global economy (Tanner & Arnett, 2011). But skeptics counter that emerging adulthood is unlikely to become prominent in developing countries with high concentrations of poverty or, in industrialized nations, among low-income youths or those not involved in higher education (du Bois-Reymond, 2016; Kloep & Hendry, 2011). And for college graduates, societal conditions can readily restrict the prospects and rewards of this period. Critics also emphasize that in developed nations, age-graded influences have declined in favor of nonnormative influences throughout contemporary adulthood (see page 7 in Chapter 1 to review). In their view, rather than being unique, emerging adults are part of a general trend toward blurring of age-related expectations, yielding multiple transitions and increased diversity in development throughout the adult years.

Risk and resilience in emerging adulthood

Although most young people with access to the opportunities of emerging adulthood experience it as a time of flourishing, a sizable number flounder: Their lack of direction is evident in persisting low self-esteem; high anxiety and depression; poor academic performance; and high levels of risky behaviors (Nelson & Padilla-Walker, 2013; Smith et al., 2011). Longitudinal research indicates that the personal attributes and social supports listed in Applying What We Know above foster successful passage through these years, as indicated by completing a college degree or vocational certification, finding and keeping a well-paying job, forging warm, stable relationships with friends and intimate partners, volunteering in one's community, and feeling generally satisfied with life (Tanner, 2016). Notice how the resources in the table overlap with ones discussed in previous chapters that promote development through resilience, the capacity to overcome challenge and adversity. Relationships with parents have an especially wide-ranging influence. A secure, affectionate parent-emerging adult bond that extends the balance of connection and separation established in adolescence promotes many aspects of adaptive functioning. Autonomy-supportive parenting in particular—an empathic approach in which parents recognize the weighty decisions the young person faces and encourage personally valued choices—is linked to emerging adults' psychological well-being (Kins et al., 2009). In contrast, parental overprotection, expressed through excessive contact and psychological control (including taking over when the young person encounters challenges), is related to poor adjustment, including low self-esteem, inability to make commitments in identity formation, and increased anxiety, depression, and alcohol use (Luyckx et al., 2007; Nelson et al., 2011; Patock-Peckam & Morgan-Lopez, 2009). In another form of parenting—called helicopter parenting in popular culture—warm, well-intentioned parents "hover" over the emerging adult out of excessive concern for his or her well-being. They might, for example, take the young person to college but refuse to leave and contact professors to discuss the young person's grades. Perhaps because helicopter parenting is motivated by strong parental affection and involvement, it is not associated with the negative outcomes just noted. But it is related to reduced school engagement (going to class, completing assignments) (Padilla-Walker & Nelson, 2012). And it likely interferes with emerging adults' ability to acquire the skills they need to act on their own. Finally, exposure to multiple negative life events—family conflict, abusive intimate relationships, repeated romantic breakups, academic or employment difficulties, and financial strain—undermines development, even in emerging adults whose childhood and adolescence prepared them well for this transition (Tanner, 2016). In sum, supportive family, school, and community environments are crucial, just as they were at earlier ages. Now let's turn to theories of psychosocial development in early adulthood.

The Social Clock

As we have seen, cultural changes from one generation to the next can affect the life course. Yet all societies have some kind of social clock—age-graded expectations for major life events, such as beginning a first job, getting married, birth of the first child, buying a home, and retiring (Neugarten, 1979). Among economically better-off young people, finishing one's education, marrying, and having children occur much later in the lifespan than they did a generation or two ago. Furthermore, large departures from social-clock life events have become increasingly common. These conditions can create intergenerational tensions if parents expect their young-adult children to attain adult milestones on an outdated schedule. Young adults may also feel distressed because their own timing of major milestones is not widely shared by their contemporaries or supported by current public policies, thereby weakening both informal and formal social supports (Settersten, 2007). And while rendering greater flexibility and freedom to young people's lives, an ill-defined social clock likely causes them to feel inadequately grounded—unsure of what others expect and of what to expect of themselves. In sum, following a social clock of some kind seems to foster confidence and social stability because it guarantees that young people will develop skills, engage in productive work, and gain in understanding of self and others. In contrast, "crafting a life of one's own," whether self-chosen or the result of circumstances, is risky—more prone to breakdown (Settersten, 2007, p. 244). With this in mind, let's take a closer look at how men and women traverse major tasks of young adulthood.

Siblings as Friends

As young people marry and invest less time in developing a romantic partnership, siblings—especially sisters whose earlier bond was positive—become more frequent companions than in adolescence (Birditt & Antonucci, 2007). A childhood history of intense parental favoritism and sibling rivalry can disrupt sibling bonds in adulthood (Panish & Stricker, 2002). But when family experiences have been positive, relationships between adult siblings can be especially close and are important sources of psychological well-being (Sherman, Lansford, & Volling, 2006). A shared background promotes similarity in values and perspectives and the possibility of deep mutual understanding. In families with five to ten siblings, common in industrialized nations in the past and still widespread in some cultures, close sibling bonds may replace friendships (Fuller-Iglesias, 2010). One 35-year-old with five siblings, who all—with their partners and children—resided in the same small city, remarked, "With a family like this, who needs friends?"

Childlessness

At work, Sharese got to know Beatrice and Daniel. Married for seven years and in their mid-thirties, they did not have children and were not planning any. To Sharese, their relationship seemed especially caring and affectionate. "At first, we were open to becoming parents," Beatrice explained, "but eventually we decided to focus on our marriage." Childlessness among U.S. women in their mid-forties increased from 10 percent in 1975 to 20 percent in 2006, and then declined to 15 percent in 2014 (Pew Research Center, 2015b). Some people are involuntarily childless because they did not find a partner with whom to share parenthood or their efforts at fertility treatments did not succeed. Beatrice and Daniel are in another category—men and women who are voluntarily childless. But voluntary childlessness is not always a permanent condition. A few people decide early that they do not want to be parents and stick to their plans. But most, like Beatrice and Daniel, make their decision after they are married and have developed a lifestyle they do not want to give up. Later, some change their minds. The voluntarily childless are usually highly educated, have prestigious occupations, are very committed to their work, and are less traditional in gender-role attitudes (Gold, 2012). At the same time, the recent decline in childlessness is largely due to more educated, career-focused women, who are more numerous than in the past, eventually opting for parenthood. Voluntarily childless adults are just as content with their lives as parents who have warm relationships with their children. But adults who cannot overcome infertility are likely to be dissatisfied—some profoundly disappointed, others more ambivalent, depending on compensations in other areas of their lives (Letherby, 2002; Luk & Loke, 2015). Childlessness seems to interfere with adjustment and life satisfaction only when it is beyond a person's control.

Career Development

Besides family life, vocational life is a vital domain of social development in early adulthood. Young people must learn how to perform work tasks well, get along with co-workers, respond to authority, and protect their own interests. When work experiences go well, adults develop new competencies, feel a sense of personal accomplishment, make new friends, and become financially independent and secure. And as we have seen, aspirations and accomplishments in the workplace and the family are interwoven.

Resources That Foster Resilience in Emerging Adulthood

Cognitive attributes: Effective planning and decision making Information-gathering cognitive style and mature epistemic cognition Good school performance Knowledge of vocational options and necessary skills Emotional and social attributes: Positive self-esteem Good emotional self-regulation and flexible coping strategies Good conflict-resolution skills Confidence in one's ability to reach one's goals Sense of personal responsibility for outcomes Persistence and effective use of time Healthy identity development—movement toward exploration in depth and certainty of commitment Strong moral character Sense of meaning and purpose in life, engendered by religion, spirituality, or other sources Desire to contribute meaningfully to one's community Social and financial supports: Warm, autonomy-supportive relationship with parents Positive relationships with peers, teachers, and mentors Financial assistance from parents or others Sense of connection to social institutions, such as school, religious institution, workplace, and community center

Cohabitation

Cohabitation refers to the lifestyle of unmarried couples who have a sexually intimate relationship and who share a residence. Until the 1960s, cohabitation in Western nations was largely limited to low-SES adults. Since then, it has increased in all groups, with an especially dramatic rise among well-educated, economically advantaged young people. Today's young adults are much more likely than those of a generation ago to form their first conjugal union through cohabitation. Among U.S. young people, cohabitation is now the preferred mode of entry into an intimate partnership, chosen by over 70 percent of couples age 30 and younger (Copen, Daniels, & Mosher, 2013). Cohabitation rates are even higher among adults with failed marriages; about one-third of these households include children. Although Americans have become increasingly favorable toward cohabitation, with more than 60 percent expressing approval, their attitudes are not as positive as those of Western Europeans. In the Netherlands, Norway, and Sweden, cohabitation is thoroughly integrated into society. Cohabiters have many of the same legal rights and responsibilities as married couples and express nearly the same level of commitment to each other (Daugherty & Copen, 2016; Perelli-Harris & Gassen, 2012). Whereas about 60 percent of American cohabiting unions break up within three years, only 6 to 16 percent dissolve in Western Europe (Guzzo, 2014; Kiernan, 2002). Two decades ago, U.S. cohabiters who were engaged were more likely than their non-engaged counterparts to stay together and transition to lasting marriages. But today, the majority of both types of cohabiting relationships dissolve at a similarly high rate and less often lead to marriage. Furthermore, engagement at the start of cohabitation is declining (Guzzo, 2014; Vespa, 2014). More U.S. young adult cohabiters are entering these unions without expectations or plans to marry, perhaps motivated instead by a desire to increase the cost-effectiveness and convenience of life with their current romantic partner. Furthermore, couples who do transition from cohabitation to marriage are at slightly greater risk of divorce than couples who marry directly, without cohabiting. But the difference is largely explained by the earlier age at which premarital cohabiters, compared with direct marriers, began living together (Kuperberg, 2014). Premarital cohabitation before age 25, like early marriage, is associated with reduced readiness to select a compatible partner and forge a committed romantic bond. Also, young premarital cohabiters are more likely than direct marriers to be non-college-educated, to come from single-parent families, and to differ in age and background from their partner. All these factors are linked to risk of divorce. Lesbian and gay cohabiters are exceptions to the high risk for breakup just described. The legal right to marry, granted to U.S. same-sex couples in 2015, is so recent that many already viewed their cohabiting relationships as symbols of long-term commitment (Haas & Whitton, 2015). When marriage became broadly available, nearly 100,000 same-sex couples transitioned from cohabitation to marriage within the following four months, yielding an 8 percent marriage-rate gain (Gallup, 2015c). If this trend continues, perhaps marriage will supplant cohabitation as the more common relationship status among committed same-sex couples.

Leaving Home

Departure from the parental home is a major step toward assuming adult responsibilities. The average age of leaving has risen since the 1960s; today, it resembles the departure age at the beginning of the twentieth century. But reasons for coresidence have changed: Early twentieth-century young adults resided with parents so they could contribute to the family economy. Twenty-first-century young people living at home are typically financially dependent on their parents. This trend toward later home-leaving is evident in most industrialized nations, though substantial variation in timing exists. Because government support is available, young adults in the Scandinavian countries move out relatively early (Furstenberg, 2010). In contrast, cultural traditions in Mediterranean countries promote lengthy coresidence, extending into the thirties. Departures for education tend to occur at earlier ages, those for full-time work and marriage later. Because the majority of U.S. young adults enroll in higher education, many leave home around age 18. Those from divorced, single-parent homes tend to be early leavers, perhaps because of family stress (Seiffge-Krenke, 2013). Compared with the previous generation, fewer North American and Western European young people leave home to marry; more do so just to be "independent"—to express their adult status. Slightly over half of U.S. 18- to 25-year-olds return to their parents' home for brief periods after first leaving (U.S. Census Bureau, 2015a). Usually, role transitions, such as the end of college or military service, bring young people back. But tight job markets, high housing costs, mental health problems, failures in work or love, or desire by young people launching their work lives to conserve economic resources can also prompt a temporary return home (Sandberg-Thoma, Snyder, & Jang, 2015). The percentage of U.S. young adults residing with parents is higher today than at any time in the past 60 years (Pew Research Center, 2016a). Nevertheless, living arrangements vary with SES and ethnicity. Those who have a bachelor's degree and are employed are more likely to establish their own residence. Among African-American, Hispanic, and Native-American groups, poverty and a cultural tradition of extended-family living lead to markedly lower rates of leaving home, even among young people in college or working (Fingerman et al., 2015; Pew Research Center, 2016a). Unmarried Asian young adults also tend to live with their parents. But the longer Asian families have lived in the United States, where they are exposed to individualistic values, the more likely young people are to move out before marriage (Lou, Lalonde, & Giguère, 2012). Parents of young adults living at home are usually highly committed to helping their children move into adult roles. Many provide wide-ranging assistance—not just financial support, but material resources, advice, companionship, and emotional support as well. Still, in homes where parents and young adults live together, conflict over personal and moral values related to the young person's future tends to rise (Rodríguez & López, 2011). But when young adults feel securely attached to parents and well-prepared for independence, departure from the home is linked to more satisfying parent-child interaction and successful transition to adult roles (Smetana, Metzger, & Campione-Barr, 2004; Whiteman, McHale, & Crouter, 2010). And regardless of living arrangements, young people doing well typically have close, enjoyable relationships with their parents, who offer help because they see it as key to their child's future success (Fingerman et al., 2012b). In contrast, leaving home very early because of a lack of parental financial and emotional support is associated with less successful educational, marriage, and work lives. U.S. poverty-stricken young people are more likely than their nonpoor counterparts to leave home by age 18 (Berzin & De Marco, 2010). But if still at home beyond that age, they often remain there well into their thirties—a trend that may reflect the steep challenges they face in attaining self-sufficiency and exiting poverty.

Marital Satisfaction

Despite its rocky beginnings, Sharese and Ernie's marriage grew to be especially happy. In contrast, Christy and Gary became increasingly discontented. Differences between these two couples mirror the findings of a large body of research on personal and contextual factors, summarized in Table 14.1 on page 396. Christy and Gary had children early and struggled financially. Gary's negative, critical personality led him to get along poorly with Christy's parents and to feel threatened when he and Christy disagreed. Christy tried to offer Gary encouragement and support, but her own needs for nurturance and individuality were not being met. Gary was uncomfortable with Christy's career aspirations. As she came closer to attaining them, the couple grew further apart. In contrast, Sharese and Ernie married later, after their educations were complete. They postponed having children until their careers were under way and they had built a sense of togetherness that allowed each to thrive as an individual. Patience, caring, common values and interests, humor, affection, sharing of personal experiences through conversation, cooperating in household responsibilities, and good conflict-resolution skills contributed to their compatibility. Overall, men report feeling slightly happier with their marriages than women do, but the difference is largely limited to couples in marital therapy (Jackson et al., 2014). When a marriage is distressed, women are more likely to express dissatisfaction and seek professional help. Women feel particularly dissatisfied when their husbands disagree with them about the extent to which household tasks should be shared and when conflict between the demands of family and work feels overwhelming. Role overload, however, is also linked to men's marital dissatisfaction (Minnotte, Minnotte, & Bonstrom, 2015; Ogolsky, Dennison, & Monk, 2014). Equal power in the relationship and sharing of family responsibilities usually enhance both partners' satisfaction, largely by strengthening marital harmony (Amato & Booth, 1995; Xu & Lai, 2004). Of course, from time to time, individuals are bound to say or do something upsetting to their partner. When this happens, the partner's attributions, or explanations for the behavior, make a difference. For example, a wife who interprets her husband's critical remark about her weight as unintentional ("He just isn't aware I'm sensitive about that") is far more likely to express both current and long-term marital satisfaction than a wife who views such comments as malicious ("He's trying to hurt my feelings") (Barelds & Dijkstra, 2011; Fincham & Bradbury, 2004). In fact, partners who hold overly positive (but still realistic) biases concerning each other's attributes are happier with their relationships (Claxton et al., 2011). As they turn to each other for feedback about themselves, these "positive illusions" enhance self-esteem and psychological well-being. In contrast, people who feel devalued by their partner tend to react with anxiety and insecurity—more so when they are low in self-esteem, which heightens fear of rejection. To protect themselves, they often mete out criticism and contempt in kind, setting in motion hostile, defensive exchanges that create the very rejection they fear (Murray, 2008). Alternatively, individuals may disengage emotionally, suppressing negative feelings so as not to poison the relationship (Driver et al., 2012). In the process, shared positive emotion also declines, and intimacy erodes. At their worst, marital relationships can become contexts for intense opposition, dominance-submission, and emotional and physical violence. As the Social Issues: Health box on the following page explains, although women are more often targets of severe partner abuse, both men and women play both roles: perpetrator and victim. High school and college courses in family life education can promote better mate selection and teach communication skills that contribute to gratifying romantic partnerships and marriages. And counseling aimed at helping couples listen to each other with understanding and empathy, focus on positive traits and memories, and use effective conflict-resolution strategies can cultivate the self-esteem, affection, and respect needed for the relationship to be resilient and enduring (Gottman, 2011).

Identity Development

During the college years, young people refine their approach to constructing an identity. Besides exploring in breadth (weighing multiple possibilities and making commitments), they increasingly explore in depth—evaluating existing commitments (Crocetti & Meeus, 2015; Luyckx et al., 2006; Schwartz et al., 2013). For example, if you have not yet selected your major, you may be taking classes in a broad array of disciplines. Once you commit to a major, you are likely to embark on an in-depth evaluation of your choice—reflecting on your interest, motivation, and performance and on your career prospects as you take additional classes in that field. Depending on the outcome of your evaluation, either your commitment to your major strengthens and you integrate it into your sense of self, or you return to a reconsideration of options as you search for alternative commitments. Investigations conducted with over 6,000 university students from a diverse array of cultures in Europe, the Middle East, and Asia revealed that most cycled between in-depth evaluation of commitments and—if these fit poorly with their talents and potentials or were otherwise dissatisfying—reconsideration of commitments (Crocetti et al., 2015). Consider your own identity progress. Does it fit this dual-cycle model, in which identity formation is a process of feedback loops between in-depth exploration and reconsideration until you feel certain of your choices? Notice how the model helps explain the shifts between identity statuses displayed by many young people, described in Chapter 12. College students who move from in-depth exploration to certainty of commitment provide more coherent descriptions of themselves and score higher in academic, emotional, and social adjustment (Kunnen et al., 2008; Schwartz et al., 2011). Many aspects of the life course that were once socially structured—marriage, parenthood, religious beliefs, and career paths—are increasingly left to individual decision. As a result, emerging adults are required to "individualize" their identities—a process that requires a sense of self-efficacy, planfulness and purpose, determination to overcome obstacles, and responsibility for outcomes. Among young people of diverse ethnicities and SES levels, this set of qualities, termed personal agency, is positively related to identity exploration followed by certainty of commitments (Luyckx & Robitschek, 2014). Making enduring commitments can take longer in some cultures. In Italy, for example, young people typically live at home until about age 30, even when they earn enough to live independently; most leave home only when they marry. Italians in their twenties often put identity commitments "on hold"—engaging in an extended moratorium encouraged by parents, who grant them much freedom, approval, and economic support to experiment with identity alternatives (Crocetti, Rabaglietti, & Sica, 2012). As a result, Italian emerging adults who display prolonged, in-depth exploration tend to be better adjusted than their counterparts in other cultures.

Erikson's Theory: Intimacy versus Isolation

Erikson's vision has influenced all contemporary theories of adult personality development. His psychological conflict of early adulthood is intimacy versus isolation, evident in the young person's thoughts and feelings about making a long-term commitment to an intimate partner and in close, mutually gratifying friendships. As Sharese discovered, building an emotionally fulfilling romantic bond is challenging. Intimacy requires that young people redefine their identity to include both partners' values and interests. Those in their late teens through mid-twenties frequently say they don't feel ready for a lasting romantic tie, mentioning concerns about career and financial security and emotional readiness, including limits on their freedom (Arnett, 2015; Willoughby & Carroll, 2016). During their first year of marriage, Sharese separated from Ernie twice as she tried to reconcile her desire for self-determination with her desire for intimacy. Maturity involves balancing these forces. Without intimacy, young adults face the negative outcome of Erikson's early adulthood stage: loneliness and self-absorption. Ernie's patience and stability helped Sharese realize that committed love requires generosity and compromise but not total surrender of the self. Research confirms that—as Erikson emphasized—a secure identity fosters attainment of intimacy. Advanced identity development strongly predicts involvement in a deep, committed love partnership or readiness to establish such a partnership (Beyers & Seiffge-Krenke, 2010; Montgomery, 2005). In friendships and work ties, young people who have achieved intimacy are cooperative, agreeable, communicative, and accepting of differences in background and values (Barry, Madsen, & DeGrace, 2016). In contrast, those with a sense of isolation hesitate to form close ties because they fear loss of their own identity, tend to compete rather than cooperate, are not accepting of differences, and are easily threatened when others get too close. Erikson believed that successful resolution of intimacy versus isolation prepares the individual for the middle adulthood stage, which focuses on generativity—caring for the next generation and helping to improve society. But childbearing and child rearing, as well as contributions to society through work and community service, are under way in the twenties and thirties. Still, in line with Erikson's ideas, high friendship or romantic intimacy in early adulthood does predict a stronger generative orientation (Mackinnon, De Pasquale, & Pratt, 2015). In sum, identity, intimacy, and generativity are concerns of early adulthood, with shifts in emphasis that differ among individuals. Recognizing that Erikson's theory provides only a broad sketch of adult personality development, other theorists elaborated on his stage approach, adding detail.

Romantic Love

Finding a life partner is a major milestone of early adulthood, with profound consequences for self-concept and psychological well-being. As Sharese and Ernie's relationship reveals, it is also a complex process that unfolds over time and is affected by a variety of events.

The Components of Love

How do we know that we are in love? Robert Sternberg's (2006) triangular theory of love identifies three components—passion, intimacy, and commitment—that shift in emphasis as romantic relationships develop. Passion, the desire for sexual activity and romance, is the physical- and psychological-arousal component. Intimacy is the emotional component, consisting of warm, tender communication and caring, self-disclosure, plus a desire for the partner to reciprocate. Commitment, the cognitive component, leads partners to decide that they are in love and to maintain that love. At the beginning of a relationship, passionate love—intense sexual attraction—is strong. Gradually, passion declines in favor of intimacy and commitment, which form the basis for two additional forms of love. The first is companionate love—warm, trusting affection and valuing of the other (Sprecher & Regan, 1998). The second, and perhaps the most fundamental type of love in any deeply satisfying close relationship, is compassionate love—concern for the other's well-being, expressed through caring efforts to alleviate the other's distress and promote the other's growth and flourishing (Berscheid, 2010; Sprecher & Fehr, 2005). Romantic partners' self-reports reveal that expressions of these types of love are moderately to highly correlated, with each helping to sustain the relationship (Fehr & Sprecher, 2013). Early passionate love is a powerful predictor of whether partners keep dating. Without the quiet intimacy, predictability, and shared attitudes and values of companionate love, most romances eventually break up (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2002). And the combination of intimacy and commitment inherent in compassionate love is strongly linked to partners' relational happiness and plans to remain together over the long term (Fehr, Harasymchuk, & Sprecher, 2014). Couples whose relationships endure generally report that they love each other more than they did earlier (Sprecher, 1999). In the transformation from a passionate to a companionate and compassionate bond, commitment may be the component of love that determines whether a relationship survives. Communicating that commitment in ways that strengthen intimacy—through warmth, attentiveness, understanding, acceptance, and respect—strongly predicts relationship maintenance and satisfaction (Lavner & Bradbury, 2012; Neff & Karney, 2008). For example, Sharese's doubts about getting married subsided largely because Ernie assured her that he understood her needs and would support her career aspirations and individuality in other ways. An important feature of expressing commitment is constructive conflict resolution—directly expressing wishes and needs, listening patiently, asking for clarification, compromising, accepting responsibility, forgiving one's partner, using humor, and otherwise avoiding the escalation of negative interaction sparked by criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling (Dennison, Koerner, & Segrin, 2014; Gottman, Driver, & Tabares, 2015). In a longitudinal study, newlyweds' negativity during problem solving predicted marital dissatisfaction and divorce over the following decade (Sullivan et al., 2010). Those who displayed little concern and caring often resorted to anger and contempt when dealing with problems. Although the capacity for constructive conflict resolution is a vital ingredient of enduring marriages, a tender, affectionate bond seems to energize that capacity, motivating couples to resolve conflicts in ways that preserve a gratifying sense of intimacy. Compared with women, men are less skilled at communicating in ways that foster intimacy, offering less comfort and helpful support in their close relationships. Men also tend to be less effective at negotiating conflict, frequently avoiding discussion (Burleson & Kunkel, 2006; Wood, 2009). Sexual minority and heterosexual couples are similar in expressions of commitment, intimacy, and conflict and in the contributions of each to relationship satisfaction (Kurdek, 2004). But for lesbian and gay couples, widespread social stigma complicates the process of forging a gratifying, committed bond. Those who worry most about being stigmatized or harbor negative attitudes toward their own sexual orientation report lower-quality and less enduring love relationships (Mohr & Daly, 2008; Mohr & Fassinger, 2006).

Childhood Attachment Patterns and Adult Romantic Relationships

In Bowlby's ethological theory of attachment, the early attachment bond leads to an internal working model, or set of expectations about attachment figures, that serves as a guide for close relationships throughout life. Research indicates that recollections of childhood attachment patterns predict romantic relationships in adulthood. In studies carried out in Australia, Israel, and the United States, researchers asked people about their early parental bonds (attachment history), their attitudes toward intimate relationships (internal working model), and their actual experiences with romantic partners. In a few instances, investigators also observed couples' behaviors. Consistent with Bowlby's theory, adults' memories and interpretations of childhood attachment patterns were good indicators of internal working models and relationship experiences. (To review patterns of attachment, see page 157.)

Other Theories of Adult Psychosocial Development

In the 1970s, growing interest in adult development led to several widely read books on the topic. Daniel Levinson's The Seasons of a Man's Life (1978) and The Seasons of a Woman's Life (1996), and George Vaillant's Adaptation to Life (1977), Aging Well (2002), and Triumphs of Experience (2012) present psychosocial theories in the tradition of Erikson.

Factors related to partner abuse

In abusive relationships, dominance-submission sometimes proceeds from husband to wife, sometimes from wife to husband. In at least half of cases, both partners are violent (Bartholomew, Cobb, & Dutton, 2015). Roy's and Pat's relationship helps us understand how partner abuse escalates. Shortly after their wedding, Pat complained about the demands of Roy's work and insisted that he come home early to spend time with her. When he resisted, she hurled epithets and slapped him. One evening, Roy became so angry at Pat's hostilities that he threw his wedding ring at her and left the house. The next morning, Pat apologized and promised not to attack again. But her outbursts became more frequent and desperate. These violence-remorse cycles, in which aggression intensifies, characterize many abusive relationships. Why do they occur? Personality and developmental history, family circumstances, and cultural factors combine to make partner abuse more likely. Many abusers are overly dependent on their spouses, as well as jealous, possessive, and controlling. For example, the thought of Karen ever leaving induced such high anxiety in Mike that he monitored all her activities. And because abusers have great difficulty managing anger, trivial events—such as an unwashed shirt or a late meal—can trigger abusive episodes. When asked to explain their offenses, they attribute greater blame to their partner than to themselves (Henning, Jones, & Holdford, 2005). A substantial proportion of spouse abusers grew up in homes where parents engaged in hostile interactions, used coercive discipline, and were abusive toward their children (Ehrensaft, 2009). Adults with childhood exposure to domestic violence are not doomed to repeat it. But their parents provided them with negative expectations and behaviors that they often transfer to their close relationships. Stressful life events, such as job loss or financial difficulties, increase the likelihood of partner abuse (Black et al., 2011). Alcohol abuse is another related factor. At a societal level, cultural norms that endorse male dominance and female submissiveness promote partner abuse (Esquivel-Santoveña, Lambert, & Hamel, 2013). In developing countries with widespread poverty that also sanction gender inequality, partner violence against women is especially high. Victims are chronically anxious and depressed and experience frequent panic attacks (Warshaw, Brashler, & Gil, 2009). Yet a variety of situational factors discourage them from leaving these destructive relationships. A victimized wife may depend on her husband's earning power or fear even worse harm to herself or her children. Extreme assaults, including homicide, tend to occur after partner separation (Duxbury, 2014). And victims of both sexes, but especially men, are deterred by the embarrassment of going to the police.

Families with Young Children

In today's complex world, men and women are less certain about how to rear children than in previous generations. Clarifying child-rearing values and implementing them in warm, involved, and appropriately demanding ways are crucial for the welfare of the next generation and society. Yet cultures do not always place a high priority on parenting, as indicated by lack of societal supports for children and families (see Chapter 2, pages 50-51). Furthermore, changing family forms mean that the lives of today's parents differ substantially from those of past generations. In previous chapters, we discussed a wide variety of influences on child-rearing styles, including personal characteristics of children and parents, SES, and ethnicity. The couple's relationship is also vital. Parents who engage in effective coparenting, collaborating in parenting roles, are more likely to feel competent as parents, use effective child-rearing practices, and have children who are developing well. And they also gain in marital satisfaction (see page 46). For employed parents, major struggles include finding good child care and, when their child is ill or otherwise in need of emergency care, taking time off from work or making other urgent arrangements. The younger the child, the greater parents' sense of risk and difficulty—especially low-income parents, who must work longer hours to pay bills; who often, in the United States, have no workplace benefits (health insurance or paid sick leave); who typically cannot afford the cost of child care; and who experience more immediate concerns about their children's safety (Nomaguchi & Brown, 2011). When competent, convenient child care is not available, the woman usually faces added pressures. She must either curtail or give up her work or endure unhappy children, missed workdays, and constant searches for new arrangements. Despite its challenges, rearing young children is a powerful source of adult development. Parents report that it expands their emotional capacities, makes life more meaningful, and enhances psychological well-being (Nelson et al., 2013; Nomaguchi & Milkie, 2003). Involved parents say that parenthood helped them tune in to others' feelings and needs, required that they become more tolerant, self-confident, and responsible, and broadened their extended family, friendship, and community ties. In a survey of a large, nationally representative sample of U.S. fathers, engagement with children predicted greater community service and assistance of extended family members in middle adulthood (Eggebeen, Dew, & Knoester, 2010).

Friendships

Like romantic partners and childhood friends, adult friends are usually similar in age, sex, and SES. As in earlier years, friends in adulthood enhance self-esteem and psychological well-being through affirmation, acceptance, autonomy support (permitting disagreement and choice), and support in times of stress (Barry, Madsen, & DeGrace, 2016). Friends also make life more interesting by expanding social opportunities and access to knowledge and points of view. Trust, intimacy, and loyalty, along with shared interests and values and enjoyment of each other's company, continue to be important in adult friendships, as they were in adolescence (Blieszner & Roberto, 2012). Sharing thoughts and feelings is sometimes greater in friendship than in marriage, although commitment is less strong as friends come and go over the life course. Even so, some adult friendships continue for many years, at times throughout life. Female friends get together more often than male friends do, which contributes to greater friendship continuity for women (Sherman, de Vries, & Lansford, 2000). Because of a dramatic rise in social media use, today's friendships are no longer as constrained by physical proximity. Among 18- to 29-year-olds, 90 percent use social media sites (Pew Research Center, 2016d). Consequently, networks of "friends" have expanded. Do social media sites lead young adults to form a large number of acquaintances at the expense of intimate friendships? Research reveals that people with 500 or more Facebook friends actually interact individually—by "liking" posts, leaving comments on walls, or engaging in chats—with far fewer. Among these large-network Facebook users, men engaged in one-on-one communication with an average of just 10 friends, women with just 16 (Henig & Henig, 2012). Facebook use was associated with an increase in passive tracking of casual relationships but no change in the number of core friendships.

Worldview

Most emerging adults say that constructing a worldview, or a set of beliefs and values to live by, is essential for attaining adult status—even more important than finishing their education and settling into a career and marriage (Arnett, 2007b). Do today's young people forge self-centered worldviews, as the descriptor "generation me" suggests? This issue has generated heated controversy. Analyses of large, nationally representative samples of U.S. young people, collected repeatedly over several decades, suggest that compared to past generations, Millennials report greater narcissism (egotistical self-admiration) and materialism—valuing of money and leisure and reduced empathy for the less fortunate (Gentile, Twenge, & Campbell, 2010; Twenge, 2013). But other researchers claim that generational changes in egotism and other traits are so small as not to be meaningful (Paulsen et al., 2016). And gradual, age-related gains in self-esteem extending from adolescence through emerging adulthood and into midlife are similar across generations, with average self-esteem of today's young people no higher than that of past cohorts (Orth, Robins, & Widaman, 2012; Orth, Trzesniewski, & Robins, 2010). Over these years, adults derive a greater sense of competence from making identity commitments, entering and succeeding at their careers, having families, and becoming involved in their communities.

Singlehood

On finishing her education, Heather joined the Peace Corps and spent four years in Ghana. Though open to a long-term relationship, she had only fleeting romances. After she returned to the United States, she went from one temporary job to another until, at age 30, she finally secured steady employment in a large international travel company as a tour director. A few years later, she advanced into a management position. At age 35, over lunch with Sharese, she reflected on her life: "I was open to marriage, but after I got my career going, it would have interfered. Now I'm so used to independence that I question whether I could adjust to living with another person. I like being able to pick up and go where I want, when I want. But there's a trade-off: I sleep alone, eat most of my meals alone, and spend a lot of my leisure time alone." Singlehood—not living with an intimate partner—has increased in recent years, especially among young adults. For example, the rate of never-married Americans ages 25 and older has more than doubled since 1960, to 23 percent of men and 17 percent of women. Today, more people marry later or not at all, and divorce has added to the numbers of single adults—slightly more than half when adults of all ages are considered. In view of these trends, it is likely that most Americans will spend a substantial part of their adult lives single, and a growing minority—about 8 to 10 percent—will stay that way (Pew Research Center, 2014b). Because they marry later, more young-adult men than women are single. But women are far more likely than men to remain single for many years or their entire life. With age, fewer men are available with characteristics that most women seek in a mate—the same age or older, equally or better educated, and professionally successful. In contrast, men can choose partners from a large pool of younger unmarried women. Because of the tendency for women to "marry up" and men to "marry down," men with a high school diploma or less and highly educated women in prestigious careers are overrepresented among singles after age 30. Ethnic differences also exist. For example, more than one-third of African Americans ages 25 and older have never married, a figure more than double that of European Americans (Pew Research Center, 2014b). As we will see later, high unemployment among black men interferes with marriage. Many African Americans eventually marry in their late thirties and forties, a period in which black and white marriage rates move closer together. The most commonly mentioned advantages of singlehood are freedom and mobility. But singles also recognize drawbacks—loneliness, the dating grind, limited sexual and social life, reduced sense of security, and feelings of exclusion from the world of married couples. Single men have more physical and mental health problems than single women, who more easily come to terms with their lifestyle, in part because of the greater social support available to women through intimate same-sex friendships. But overall, people over age 35 who have always been single are content with their lives (DePaulo & Morris, 2005; Pinquart, 2003). Though not quite as happy as married people, they report feeling considerably happier than people recently widowed or divorced. Nevertheless, many single people go through a stressful period in their early thirties, when most of their friends have married and they become increasingly mindful of their own departure from society's marital social clock. The mid-thirties is another trying time for women, as the biological deadline for pregnancy approaches (Morris et al., 2008; Sharp & Ganong, 2011). A few decide to become parents through artificial insemination or a love affair. And an increasing number are adopting, often from overseas countries.

Levinson's Seasons of Life

On the basis of in-depth biographical interviews with 35- to 45-year-old men—and, later, similar interviews with women in the same age range—Levinson (1978, 1996) depicted adult development as a sequence of qualitatively distinct eras (or "seasons") coinciding with Erikson's stages and separated by transitions. The life structure, a key concept in Levinson's theory, is the underlying design of a person's life, consisting of relationships with individuals, groups, and institutions. Of its many components, usually only a few, relating to family, close friendships, and occupation, are central. Levinson found that during the transition to early adulthood, most young people constructed a dream—an image of themselves in the adult world that guides their decision making. For men, the dream usually emphasized achievement in a career, whereas most career-oriented women had "split dreams" in which both marriage and career were prominent—findings confirmed in subsequent investigations (Heppner, 2013). Young adults also formed a relationship with a mentor who facilitated realization of their dream—often a senior colleague at work but occasionally a more experienced friend, neighbor, or relative. Around age 30, a second transition occurred: Young people who had been preoccupied with career and were single usually focused on finding a life partner, while women who had emphasized marriage and family often developed more individualistic goals. For example, Christy, who had dreamed of becoming a professor, finally earned her doctoral degree in her mid-thirties and secured a college teaching position. To create an early adulthood culminating life structure, men usually "settled down" by focusing on certain relationships and aspirations, in an effort to establish a niche in society consistent with their values, whether those were wealth, prestige, artistic or scientific achievement, or forms of family or community participation. In his late thirties, Ernie became a partner in his firm, coached his son's soccer team, and was elected treasurer of his church. He paid less attention to travel and playing the guitar than previously. Many women, however, remained unsettled in their thirties, often because they added an occupational or relationship commitment. When her two children were born, Sharese felt torn between her research position in the state health department and her family. She took three months off after the arrival of each baby. When she returned to work, she did not pursue attractive administrative openings that required travel and time away from home. And shortly after Christy began teaching, she and Gary divorced. Becoming a single parent while starting her professional life introduced new strains.

Establishing a Career

Our discussion earlier in this chapter highlighted diverse paths and timetables for career development. Consider, once again, the wide variations among Sharese, Ernie, Christy, and Gary. Notice that Sharese and Christy, like many women, had discontinuous career paths—ones that were interrupted or deferred by child rearing and other family needs (Heppner & Jung, 2013; Huang & Sverke, 2007). Furthermore, not all people embark on the vocation of their dreams. For example, the economic recession of 2007 to 2009 greatly increased the number of young people in jobs that did not match their educational preparation. Even when young adults enter their chosen field, initial experiences can be discouraging. At the health department, Sharese discovered that paperwork consumed much of her day. Because each project had a deadline, the pressure of productivity weighed heavily on her. Adjusting to unanticipated disappointments in salary, supervisors, and co-workers is difficult. As new employees become aware of the gap between their expectations and reality, resignations are common. And young workers, especially, are subject to layoffs due to financial exigencies. Consequently, those in their twenties typically change jobs several times. Recall from our discussion of Levinson's theory that career progress often depends on the quality of a mentoring relationship. Most of the time, professors and senior colleagues at work fill this role. Occasionally, knowledgeable friends or relatives provide mentoring. Mentors sometimes act as teachers who enhance the person's career-related skills. At other times they serve as guides who acquaint the person with the values and customs of the work setting. When young adults have varied mentors, each providing unique forms of assistance, they benefit more in career-related learning (Hall & Las Heras, 2011). Furthermore, mentoring early in a worker's career increases the likelihood of mentoring later on (Bozionelos et al., 2011). The professional and personal benefits of mentoring induce employees to provide it to others and to seek it again for themselves.

Unprecedented Exploration

Psychologist Jeffrey Arnett (2011) is the leader of a movement that regards emerging adulthood as a distinct period of life—a new stage between adolescence and adulthood defined by five features: feeling in between (neither adolescent nor adult), identity exploration (especially in love, work, and worldview), self-focused (not self-centered but lacking obligations to others), instability (frequent changes in living arrangements, relationships, education, and work), and possibilities (able to choose among multiple life directions). As Arnett explains, emerging adults have left adolescence but are still a considerable distance from taking on adult responsibilities. Rather, young people who have the economic resources to do so explore alternatives in education, work, and personal values and behavior more intensely than they did as teenagers. Not yet immersed in adult roles, many emerging adults can engage in activities of the widest possible scope. Because so little is normative, or socially expected, routes to adult responsibilities are highly diverse in timing and order across individuals (Côté, 2006). For example, more college students than in past generations pursue their education in a drawn-out, nonlinear way—changing majors as they explore career options, taking courses while working part-time, or interrupting school to work, travel, or participate in national or international service programs. About one-third of U.S. college graduates enter graduate school, taking even longer to settle into their desired career track (U.S. Department of Education, 2015). As a result of these experiences, young people's interests, attitudes, and values broaden (see page 373 in Chapter 13). Exposure to multiple viewpoints also encourages development of a more complex self-concept that includes awareness of one's own changing traits and values over time. As a result, self-esteem rises (Labouvie-Vief, 2006; Orth, Robins, & Widaman, 2012). Together, these changes contribute to advances in identity.

Selecting a Mate

Recall from Chapter 13 that intimate partners generally meet in places where they are likely to find people of their own age, level of education, ethnicity, and religion, or they connect through online dating services. People usually select partners who resemble themselves in other ways—attitudes, personality, educational plans, intelligence, mental health, physical attractiveness, and even height (Butterworth & Rodgers, 2006; Gorchoff, 2016; Lin & Lundquist, 2013; Watson et al., 2004). Romantic partners sometimes have complementary personality traits—one self-assured and dominant, the other hesitant and submissive. Because this difference permits each to sustain their preferred style of behavior, it contributes to compatibility (Sadler, Ethier, & Woody, 2011). But overall, little support exists for the idea that "opposites attract" (Furnham, 2009). Rather, partners who are similar in personality and other attributes tend to be more satisfied with their relationship and more likely to stay together. Nevertheless, men and women differ in the importance they place on certain characteristics. In diverse industrialized and developing countries, women assign greater weight to financial status, intelligence, ambition, and moral character, whereas men place more emphasis on physical attractiveness and domestic skills. In addition, women prefer a same-age or slightly older partner, men a younger partner (Buss et al., 2001; Conroy-Beam et al., 2015). According to an evolutionary perspective, because their capacity to reproduce is limited, women seek a mate with traits, such as earning power and emotional commitment, that help ensure children's survival and well-being. In contrast, men look for a mate with traits that signal youth, health, sexual pleasure, and ability to give birth to and care for offspring. As further evidence for this difference, men often want a relationship to move quickly toward physical intimacy (Buss, 2012). Women, in contrast, prefer to take time to achieve psychological intimacy. In an alternative view, gender roles, jointly influenced by evolutionary and cultural pressures, affect criteria for mate selection. Beginning in childhood, men learn to be assertive and independent—behaviors needed for success in the work world. Women acquire nurturant behaviors, which facilitate caregiving. Then each sex learns to value traits in the other that fit with this traditional division of labor (Eagly & Wood, 2012, 2013). In support of this perspective, in cultures and in younger generations experiencing greater gender equity, men and women are more alike in their mate preferences. For example, compared with men in China and Japan, American men place more emphasis on their mate's financial prospects, less on her domestic skills. And both sexes care somewhat less about their mate's age relative to their own. Rather, they place a high value on attributes that contribute to relationship satisfaction: mutual attraction, caring, emotional maturity, and a pleasing disposition (Toro-Morn & Sprecher, 2003; Lawson et al., 2014). As the Social Issues: Health box on page 390 reveals, young people's choice of an intimate partner and the quality of their relationship also are affected by memories of their early parent-child bond. Finally, for romance to lead to a lasting partnership, it must happen at the right time. If one or both partners do not feel ready to marry, the relationship is likely to dissolve.

The Diversity of Adult Lifestyles

The current array of adult lifestyles dates back to the 1960s, when young people began to question the conventional wisdom of previous generations and to ask, "What kinds of commitments should I make to live a full and rewarding life?" As the public became more accepting of diverse lifestyles, choices such as staying single, cohabiting, remaining childless, and divorcing seemed more available. Today, nontraditional family options have penetrated the American mainstream. As we will see, some adults make a deliberate decision to adopt a lifestyle, whereas others drift into it. The lifestyle may be culturally imposed, as is the case for cohabiting same-sex couples who live in countries or regions where they cannot marry legally. Or people may choose a certain lifestyle because they feel pushed away from another, such as a marriage gone sour. In sum, the adoption of a lifestyle can be within or beyond the person's control.

The Decision to have children

The choice of parenthood is affected by a complex array of factors, including financial circumstances, personal and religious values, career goals, health conditions, and availability of supportive government and workplace family policies. Women with traditional gender identities usually decide to have children. Those in high-status, demanding careers less often choose parenthood and, when they do, more often delay it than women with less consuming jobs. Parenthood typically reduces work hours and slows career progress among career-oriented women (Abele, 2014; Abele & Spurk, 2011). In contrast, it generally has no impact on men. Besides these influences, a vital personal factor called childbearing motivations—each person's disposition to respond positively or negatively to the idea of parenthood—affects the decision to have children. In Western nations, these motivations have changed over time, increasingly emphasizing individual fulfillment and de-emphasizing obligation to society (Frejka et al., 2008). When Americans and Europeans are asked about their desire to have children, they mention a variety of advantages and disadvantages. Although some ethnic and regional differences exist, in all groups highly rated reasons for having children include personal rewards—for example, the warm, affectionate relationship and opportunities for care and teaching that children provide. Also frequently mentioned are social returns, such as affirmation of one's adult status and children as a source of caregiving in later life (Guedes et al., 2013). Less important, but still mentioned, is a sense of future continuity—having someone carry on after one's own death. And occasionally, couples look to parenthood as a gratifying opportunity to share in a challenging but important life task and to deepen their relationship. Among disadvantages of parenthood, Americans most often cite concerns about role overload, doubts about their own readiness for parenthood, and worries about bringing up children in a troubled world. The financial strains of child rearing follow close behind. According to a conservative estimate, today's new parents in the United States will spend about $300,000 to rear a child from birth to age 18, and many will incur substantial additional expense for higher education and financial dependency during emerging adulthood (U.S. Department of Agriculture, 2014).

Transition to Parenthood

The early weeks after a baby enters the family are full of profound changes: constant caregiving, added financial responsibilities, and less time for the couple's relationship. In response, gender roles of husband and wife usually become more traditional—even for couples like Sharese and Ernie who are strongly committed to gender equality (Katz-Wise, Priess, & Hyde, 2010; Yavorsky, Dush, & Schoppe-Sullivan, 2015). For most new parents, the arrival of a baby—though often followed by mild declines in relationship and overall life satisfaction—does not cause significant marital strain (Doss et al., 2009; Lawrence et al., 2008; Luhmann et al., 2012). Marriages that are gratifying and supportive tend to remain so. But troubled marriages usually become even more distressed after childbirth (Houts et al., 2008; Kluwer & Johnson, 2007). And when expectant mothers anticipate lack of partner support in parenting, their prediction generally becomes reality, yielding an especially difficult post-birth adjustment (Driver et al., 2012; McHale & Rotman, 2007). In dual-earner marriages, the larger the difference in men's and women's caregiving responsibilities, the greater the decline in marital satisfaction after childbirth, especially for women—with negative consequences for parent-infant interaction. In contrast, sharing caregiving predicts greater parental happiness and sensitivity to the baby (McHale et al., 2004; Moller, Hwang, & Wickberg, 2008). Postponing childbearing until the late twenties or thirties, as more couples do today, eases the transition to parenthood. Waiting permits couples to pursue occupational goals, gain life experience, and strengthen their relationship. Under these circumstances, men are more enthusiastic about becoming fathers and therefore more willing to participate. And women whose careers are well under way and whose marriages are happy are more likely to encourage their husbands to share housework and child care, which fosters fathers' involvement (Lee & Doherty, 2007; Schoppe-Sullivan et al., 2008). A second birth typically requires that fathers take an even more active role in parenting—by caring for the firstborn while the mother is recuperating and by sharing in the high demands of tending to both a baby and a young child. Consequently, well-functioning families with a newborn second child typically pull back from the traditional division of responsibilities that occurred after the first birth. Fathers' willingness to place greater emphasis on the parenting role is strongly linked to mothers' adjustment after the arrival of a second baby (Stewart, 1990). And the support and encouragement of family, friends, and spouse are crucial for fathers' well-being. Generous, paid employment leave—widely available in industrialized nations but not in the United States—is crucial for parents of newborns. But as we saw in Chapter 3, financial pressures mean that many new mothers who are eligible for unpaid work leave take far less than they are guaranteed, while new fathers take little or none. When favorable workplace policies exist and parents take advantage of them, couples are more likely to support each other and experience family life as gratifying (Feldman, Sussman, & Zigler, 2004). As a result, the stress caused by the birth of a baby stays at manageable levels.

Combining work and family

The majority of women with children are in the work force (see page 287 in Chapter 10), most in dual-earner marriages or cohabiting relationships. More women than men report moderate to high levels of stress in trying to meet both work and family responsibilities (Mitchell, Eby, & Lorys, 2015; Zhao, Settles, & Sheng, 2011). When Sharese returned to her job after her children were born, she immediately felt a sense of role overload. In addition to a challenging career, she also (like most employed women) shouldered more household and child-care tasks. And both Sharese and Ernie felt torn between the desire to excel at their jobs and the desire to spend more time with each other, their children, and their friends and relatives. Persistent stress caused by role overload is linked to poorer marital relations, less effective parenting, child behavior problems, poorer job performance, and physical health problems (Saginak & Saginak, 2005; ten Brummelhuis et al., 2013). Workplace supports can greatly reduce role overload, yielding substantial payoffs for employers. Among large, nationally representative samples of U.S. working adults, the more time-flexible policies available in their work settings (for example, time off to care for a sick child, choice in start and stop times, and opportunities to work from home), the less work-family conflict participants reported and the better their work performance (Banerjee & Perrucci, 2012; Halpern, 2005). Employees with several time-flexible options missed fewer days of work, less often arrived at work late or left early, felt more committed to their employer, and worked harder. They also reported fewer stress-related health symptoms. Effectively balancing work and family brings many benefits—a better standard of living, improved work productivity, enhanced psychological well-being, and happier marriages. Ernie took great pride in Sharese's dedication to both family life and career. And the skills, maturity, and self-esteem each derived from coping successfully with challenges at home strengthened their capacity to surmount difficulties at work (Erdogan et al., 2012; Graves, Ohlott, & Ruderman, 2007). Applying What We Know above lists strategies that help dual-earner couples attain mastery and pleasure in both spheres of life.

Marital Roles

Their honeymoon over, Sharese and Ernie turned to a multitude of issues they had previously decided individually or their families of origin had prescribed—from everyday matters (when and how to eat, sleep, talk, work, relax, have sex, and spend money) to family traditions and rituals (which to retain, which to work out for themselves). And as they related to their social world as a couple, they modified relationships with parents, siblings, extended family, friends, and co-workers. Contemporary alterations in the context of marriage, including changing gender roles and living farther from family members, mean that couples must work harder than in the past to define their relationships. Although partners are usually similar in religious and ethnic background, "mixed" marriages are increasingly common today. Among new marriages in the United States, 12 percent are between partners of a different race, double the rate in 1980 (Pew Research Center, 2015d). Because of increased opportunities for interracial contact in colleges, workplaces, and neighborhoods and more positive attitudes toward intermarriage, highly educated young adults are more likely than their less educated counterparts to marry partners of another race or ethnicity (Qian & Lichter, 2011). Nevertheless, couples whose backgrounds differ face extra challenges in transitioning to married life. Age of marriage is the most consistent predictor of marital stability. Young people who marry in their teens to mid-twenties are more likely to divorce than those who marry later (Lehrer & Chen, 2011; Røsand et al., 2014). Most of those who marry early have not developed a secure identity or sufficient independence to form a mature marital bond. Furthermore, early marriage is associated with low education and income—factors strongly linked to marital breakup (see page 284 in Chapter 10). Despite progress in the area of women's rights, traditional marriages, involving a clear division of roles—husband as head of household responsible for family economic well-being, wife as caregiver and homemaker—still exist in Western nations. In recent decades, however, these marriages have changed, with many women who focused on motherhood while their children were young returning to the work force later. In egalitarian marriages, partners relate as equals, sharing power and authority. Both try to balance the time and energy they devote to their occupations, their children, and their relationship. Most well-educated, career-oriented women expect this form of marriage. In Western nations, men in dual-earner marriages participate much more in child care than in the past, although on average they put in just 60 percent of weekly hours that mothers do (see page 162 in Chapter 6). Similarly, recent surveys indicate women in the United States and European nations spend, on average, nearly twice as much time as men on housework (Pew Research Center, 2015e; Sayer, 2010). But wide variations exist. In an investigation of over 7,500 European men and women who were married, cohabiting, or in civil unions, researchers gathered information on housework hours and gender-role attitudes. More egalitarian attitudes were strongly associated with women doing less housework (Treas & Tai, 2016). As Figure 14.2 shows, women's weekly housework hours ranged from a low of 11 to 13 in Norway, Finland, Sweden, and Iceland (Nordic nations that highly value gender equality) to a high of 24 to 26 in Poland, Lithuania, Croatia, and Slovenia (Eastern European countries more traditional in gender-role attitudes). Men's housework hours, however, did not rise in gender-egalitarian countries to compensate for women's reduced hours, and across all nations most home labor fell to women. Research in North America and Europe confirms that women's housework hours decline modestly as their employment hours and income increase (Cooke, 2010; Treas & Tai, 2016; Van der Lippe, 2010). Employed women's reduced time doing housework is likely made possible by either purchase of time-saving services (cleaning help, prepackaged meals) or greater tolerance for unkempt homes, or both. And men's greater investment in household tasks in certain Eastern European countries (Latvia, Poland, Slovakia) may largely stem from lower family incomes and poorer quality housing than elsewhere. These factors require men to invest more in household labor, especially when their partners are employed. Finally, although a common assumption is that among same-sex couples, one partner assumes a traditionally "male" and the other a "female" role, this is rarely so. Rather egalitarian relationships, with equal sharing of authority and household tasks, are more common in same-sex than in other-sex relationships (Patterson, 2013). In sum, in heterosexual marriages, true equality is still rare, and couples who strive for it usually attain a form of marriage in between traditional and egalitarian.

A Gradual Transition: Emerging Adulthood

Think about your own development. Do you consider yourself to have reached adulthood? When a sample of 1,000 U.S. 18- to 29-year-olds diverse in SES and ethnicity was asked this question, the majority of those between 18 and 21 gave an ambiguous answer: "yes and no"—a proportion that declined with age as an increasing number replied with certainty, "yes" (see Figure 14.1 on page 382) (Arnett & Schwab, 2013). Similar findings are evident in a wide range of industrialized nations (Arnett, 2007a; Buhl & Lanz, 2007; Nelson, 2009; Sirsch et al., 2009). The life pursuits and subjective judgments of many contemporary young people indicate that the transition to adult roles has become so delayed and prolonged that it has spawned a new transitional period extending from the late teens to the mid- to late twenties, called emerging adulthood.

Close Relationships

To establish an intimate tie, people build an emotional bond that they sustain over time. Although young adults are especially concerned with romantic love, the need for intimacy can also be satisfied through other relationships involving mutual commitment—with friends, siblings, and co-workers.

Factors related to divorce

Why do so many marriages fail? As Christy and Gary's divorce illustrates, the most obvious reason is a disrupted relationship. Christy and Gary did not argue more than Sharese and Ernie. But their problem-solving style was ineffective. When Christy raised concerns, Gary reacted with contempt, defensiveness, and refusal to communicate. This demand-withdraw pattern is found in many partners who split up, with women more often insisting on change and men more often retreating. Another typical style involves little conflict (Gottman & Gottman, 2015). Rather, partners increasingly disengage emotionally, leading separate lives because they have different expectations of family life and few shared interests, activities, or friends. What problems underlie these maladaptive communication patterns? In a nine-year longitudinal study, researchers asked a nationally representative sample of 2,000 U.S. married people about relationship problems and followed up 3, 6, and 9 years later to find out who had separated or divorced (Amato & Rogers, 1997). Compared to men, women reported more problems, largely involving their emotions, such as anger and hurt feelings. Men seemed to have difficulty sensing their wife's distress, which contributed to her view of the marriage as unhappy. The strongest predictors of divorce during the following decade were infidelity, spending money foolishly, drinking or using drugs, expressing jealousy, engaging in irritating habits, and moodiness. Research conducted in diverse industrialized nations confirms that parental divorce elevates risk of divorce in the next generation, in part because it promotes child adjustment problems and reduces commitment to the norm of lifelong marriage (Diekmann & Schmidheiny, 2013). As a result, when adult children marry, they are more likely to engage in inconsiderate behaviors and to have conflict-ridden relationships and less likely to try to work through these difficulties or (if they do try) to have the skills to do so. Marriage to a caring spouse from a stable family background reduces these negative outcomes. Poorly educated, economically disadvantaged couples who suffer multiple life stresses are especially likely to split up (Lewis & Kreider, 2015). But Christy's case represents another trend—elevated marital breakup among career-oriented, economically independent women whose education and income exceed their husband's—an outcome explained by differing gender-role beliefs between the spouses. However, the tendency for these couples to divorce at higher rates is subsiding (Schwartz & Han, 2014). The likely reason is a cultural shift toward more egalitarian partnerships in contemporary marriages. In addition to the factors just described, American individualism—which includes the belief that each person has the right to pursue self-expression and personal happiness—contributes to the unusually high U.S. divorce rate (see page 284 in Chapter 10) (Amato, 2014). When people are dissatisfied with their intimate relationship, the cultural value of individualism encourages moving on.

Women and Ethnic Minorities

Women and ethnic minorities have penetrated nearly all professions, but their talents often are not developed to the fullest. Women, especially those who are members of economically disadvantaged minorities, remain concentrated in occupations that offer little opportunity for advancement, and they are underrepresented in executive and managerial roles (see Chapter 13, page 376). Although the overall difference between men's and women's earnings is smaller today than 30 years ago, it remains considerable in the majority of industrialized countries (OECD, 2015b). Currently in the United States, the average woman working full-time earns just 83 percent as much as the average man. When only workers with a bachelor's degree or higher are considered, the difference diminishes but is still substantial—88 percent (U.S. Department of Labor, 2015b). What factors contribute to the widespread, persistent gender pay gap? In college, women more often major in education and social service fields, men in higher-paying scientific and technical fields—choices influenced by gender-stereotyped messages (see pages 376-377 in Chapter 13). And many women enter and exit the labor market several times, or reduce their work hours from full-time to part-time as they give birth to and rear children. Time away from a career greatly hinders advancement. In addition, low self-efficacy with respect to male-dominated fields limits women's career progress. Women who pursue nontraditional careers usually have "masculine" traits—high achievement orientation, self-reliance, and belief that their efforts will result in success. But even those with high self-efficacy are less certain than their male counterparts that they can overcome barriers to career success. In traditionally masculine fields, newly hired women whose training is equivalent to that of newly hired men are nevertheless paid less (Lips, 2013). Also, these women may have difficulty finding supportive mentors. In one study, science professors at a broad sample of U.S. universities were sent an undergraduate student's application for a lab manager position. For half, the application bore a male name; for the other half, a female name (Moss-Racusin et al., 2012). Professors of both genders viewed the female student as less competent, less deserving of mentoring, and meriting a lower salary. Gender-stereotyped images of women as followers rather than leaders slow advancement into top-level management positions. Mentoring by a senior-male executive predicts progress into management roles and pay gains more strongly for women in male-dominated industries than for men (Ramaswami et al., 2010). When a powerful male leader sponsors the advancement of a talented woman, designating her as having the qualities to succeed, senior-level decision makers are far more likely to take notice. Nevertheless, once in those positions, women are evaluated more harshly than men (Tharenou, 2013). This is especially so when women display stereotypically masculine behaviors, such as an assertive leadership style. Despite laws guaranteeing equality of opportunity, racial and ethnic bias in career opportunities remains strong. In one study, researchers recruited a three-member team consisting of a white, a black, and a Hispanic male job applicant, each 22 to 26 years old and matched on verbal and interpersonal skills and physical attractiveness. The applicants were assigned identical fictitious résumés and sent out to apply for 170 entry-level jobs in New York City (Pager, Western, & Bonikowski, 2009). As Figure 14.3 shows, the white applicant received callbacks or job offers from employers slightly more often than the Hispanic applicant, with the black applicant trailing far behind. Ethnic minority women often must surmount combined gender and racial discrimination to realize their career potential (O'Brien, Franco, & Dunn, 2014). Those who succeed frequently display an unusually high sense of self-efficacy, attacking problems head-on despite repeated obstacles to achievement. In interviews with African-American women who had become leaders in diverse fields, all reported intense persistence, fueled by supportive relationships with other women, including mothers, teachers, and peers (Richie et al., 1997). Others mentioned support from their African-American communities and were strongly motivated to give back (Nickels & Kowalski-Braun, 2012). After having experienced positive mentoring, successful African-American women take on especially heavy mentoring obligations.

Lesbian and Gay Parents

About 20 to 35 percent of lesbian couples and 5 to 15 percent of gay couples are parents, most through previous heterosexual marriages, some through adoption, and a growing number through reproductive technologies (Brewster, Tillman, & Jokinen-Gordon, 2014; Gates, 2013). In the past, because of laws assuming that lesbians and gay men could not be adequate parents, those who divorced a heterosexual partner lost custody of their children. Today, the majority of U.S. states hold that sexual orientation is irrelevant to custody or adoption—a change likely spurred by the increasing acceptance of same-sex marriage. Custody and adoption by same-sex couples are also legal in many other industrialized nations. Most research on families headed by same-sex couples is limited to volunteer samples. Findings indicate that lesbian and gay parents are as committed to and effective at child rearing as heterosexual parents and sometimes more so (Bos, 2013). Also, whether born to or adopted by their parents or conceived through donor insemination, children in lesbian and gay families do not differ from the children of heterosexual parents in mental health, peer relations, gender-role behavior, or sexual orientation (Bos & Sandfort, 2010; Farr, Forssell, & Patterson, 2010; Goldberg, 2010; van Gelderen et al., 2012). To surmount the potential bias associated with volunteer samples, some researchers take advantage of large, nationally representative data banks. Findings confirm that children with same-sex and other-sex parents develop similarly, and that children's adjustment is linked to factors other than parental sexual orientation (Moore & Stambolis-Ruhstorfer, 2013). For example, close parent-child relationships predict better peer relations and a reduction in adolescent delinquency, whereas family transitions (such as parental divorce or remarriage) predict academic difficulties, regardless of family form (Potter, 2012; Russell & Muraco, 2013). When extended-family members withhold acceptance, lesbian and gay parents often build "families of choice" through friends, who assume the roles of relatives. Usually, however, parents of sexual minorities cannot endure a permanent rift (Fisher, Easterly, & Lazear, 2008). With time, extended family relationships become more positive and supportive. A major concern of lesbian and gay parents is that their children will be stigmatized by their parents' sexual orientation. Peer teasing and disapproval are problems for some children of same-sex parents, but close parent-child relationships, supportive school environments, and connections with other lesbian and gay families protect children from the negative effects of these experiences (Bos, 2013). Overall, lesbian and gay families can be distinguished from other families mainly by issues related to living in discriminatory contexts.

Resistant Attachment

Adults recalling a resistant attachment history (parents who responded unpredictably and unfairly) presented internal working models in which they sought to merge completely with another person (Cassidy, 2001). At the same time, they worried that their desire for intense intimacy would overwhelm others, who really did not love them. Their most important love relationship was riddled with jealousy, emotional highs and lows, and desperation about whether the partner would return their affection (Collins & Feeney, 2010). Resistant adults, though offering support, do so in ways that fit poorly with their partner's needs (Pietromonaco & Beck, 2015). Are adults' descriptions of their childhood attachment experiences accurate? In several longitudinal studies, quality of parent-child interactions, observed or assessed through family interviews 5 to 23 years earlier, were good predictors of internal working models and romantic-relationship quality in early adulthood (Donnellan, Larsen-Rife, & Conger, 2005; Roisman et al., 2001; Zayas et al., 2011). However, attributes of the current partner also influence internal working models and intimate ties. When generally insecure individuals manage to form a secure representation of their partner, they report stronger feelings of affection and concern and reduced relationship conflict and anxiety (Simpson & Overall, 2014; Sprecher & Fehr, 2011). In sum, negative parent-child experiences can be carried forward into adult close relationships. At the same time, internal working models are continuously "updated." When adults with a history of unhappy love lives have a chance to form a satisfying intimate tie, they may revise their internal working model.

Secure Attachment

Adults who described their attachment history as secure (warm, loving, and supportive parents) had internal working models that reflected this security. They viewed themselves as likable, were comfortable with intimacy, and rarely worried about abandonment. They characterized their most important love relationship in terms of trust, happiness, and friendship (Cassidy, 2001). Their behaviors toward their partner were empathic and supportive and their conflict resolution strategies constructive. They were also at ease in turning to their partner for comfort and assistance (Collins & Feeney, 2010; Pietromonaco & Beck, 2015).

Intervention and treatment for partner abuse

Community services available to battered women include crisis telephone lines that provide anonymous counseling and social support and shelters that offer safety and treatment (see page 368). Because many women return to their abusive partners several times before making their final move, community agencies usually offer therapy to perpetrators. It typically consists of several months to a year of group sessions that confront rigid gender stereotyping; teach communication, problem solving, and anger control; and use social support to motivate behavior change (Hamel, 2014). Although existing treatments are better than none, most are not effective at dealing with relationship difficulties or alcohol abuse. Consequently, many treated perpetrators repeat their violent behavior with the same or a new partner (Hamberger et al., 2009). At present, few interventions acknowledge that men also are victims. Yet ignoring their needs perpetuates domestic violence. When victims do not want to separate from a violent partner, a whole-family treatment approach that focuses on changing partner interaction and reducing high life stress is crucial.

Parenting Education

Contemporary parents eagerly seek information on child rearing. In addition to popular parenting books, magazines, and websites, new mothers access knowledge about parenting through social media. They also reach out to family members and networks of other women for assistance. Fathers, by contrast, less often have social networks through which they can learn about child rearing. Consequently, they frequently turn to their partner to figure out how to relate to their child, especially if they have a close, confiding marriage (McHale, Kuersten-Hogan, & Rao, 2004; Radey & Randolph, 2009). Recall from Chapter 6 that marital harmony fosters both parents' positive engagement with babies but is especially important for fathers. Parent education courses exist to help parents clarify child-rearing values, improve family communication, understand how children develop, and apply more effective parenting strategies. A variety of programs yield positive outcomes, including enhanced knowledge of effective parenting practices, improved parent-child interaction, heightened awareness by parents of their role as educators of their children, and gains in psychological well-being (Bennett et al., 2013; Smith, Perou, & Lesesne, 2002). Another benefit is social support—opportunities to discuss concerns with experts and other dedicated parents.

Never-Married Single Parents

Currently, about 40 percent of U.S. births are to single mothers, more than double the percentage in 1980. Whereas teenage parenthood has declined steadily since 1990 (see page 311 in Chapter 11), births to single adult women have increased, with a particularly sharp rise during the first decade of the twenty-first century (Hamilton et al., 2015). A growing number of nonmarital births are planned and occur to cohabiting couples. But these relationships—common among young adults with low education—are often unstable (Cherlin, 2010; Gibson-Davis & Rackin, 2014). In addition, more than 12 percent of U.S. children live with a single parent who has never married and does not have a partner. Of these parents, about 90 percent are mothers, 10 percent fathers (Curtin, Ventura, & Martinez, 2014). Single motherhood is especially prevalent among African-American young women. More than half of births to black mothers in their twenties are to women without a partner, compared with about 14 percent of births to white women (Child Trends, 2015a; Hamilton et al., 2015). Job loss, persisting unemployment, and consequent inability of many black men to support a family have contributed to the number of African-American never-married, single-mother families. Never-married African-American mothers tap the extended family, especially their own mothers and sometimes male relatives, for help in rearing their children (Anderson, 2012). Compared with their white counterparts, low-SES African-American women tend to marry later—within a decade after birth of the first child—but not necessarily to the child's biological father (Dixon, 2009; Wu, Bumpass, & Musick, 2001). Still, for low-SES women, never-married parenthood generally increases financial hardship; about half live in poverty (Mather, 2010). Nearly 50 percent of white mothers and 60 percent of black mothers have a second child while unmarried. Children of never-married mothers who lack a father's consistent warmth and involvement show less favorable cognitive development and engage in more antisocial behavior than children in low-SES, first-marriage families—problems that make life more difficult for mothers (Waldfogel, Craigie, & Brooks-Gunn, 2010). But marriage to the child's biological father benefits children only when the father is a reliable source of economic and emotional support. For example, adolescents who feel close to their nonresident father fare better in school performance and emotional and social adjustment than do those in two-parent homes where a close father tie is lacking (Booth, Scott, & King, 2010). Unfortunately, most unwed fathers—who usually are doing poorly financially—gradually spend less and less time with their children (Lerman, 2010). Strengthening parenting skills, social support, education, and employment opportunities for low-SES parents would greatly enhance the well-being of unmarried mothers and their children.

Strategies That Help Dual-Earner Couples Combine Work and Family Roles

Devise a plan for sharing household tasks: As soon as possible in the relationship, discuss relative commitment to work and family and division of household responsibilities. Decide who does a particular chore on the basis of who has the needed skill and time, not on the basis of gender. Schedule regular times to rediscuss your plan. Begin sharing child care right after the baby's arrival: For fathers, strive to spend equal time with the baby early. For mothers, refrain from imposing your standards on your partner. Instead, share the role of "child-rearing expert" by discussing parenting values and concerns often. Attend a parent education course together. Talk over conflicts about decision making and responsibilities: Face conflict through communication. Clarify your feelings and needs and express them to your partner. Listen and try to understand your partner's point of view. Then be willing to negotiate and compromise. Establish a balance between work and family: Critically evaluate the time you devote to work in view of your family values and priorities. If it is too much, cut back. Press for workplace and public policies that support dual-earner-family roles: Encourage your employer to provide benefits that help combine work and family, such as flexible work hours, parental leave with pay, and on-site high-quality, affordable child care. Communicate with lawmakers and other citizens about improving public policies for children and families.

Consequences of Divorce

Divorce provides opportunities for both positive and negative change. Immediately after separation, both men and women experience disrupted social networks, a decline in social support, and increased anxiety and depression (Braver & Lamb, 2013). For most, these reactions subside within two years. Finding a new partner contributes most to the psychological well-being of divorced adults (Gustavson et al., 2014). But it is more crucial for men, who adjust less well than women to living on their own. Despite loneliness and a drop in income (see Chapter 10), women—especially those who were in very low-quality marriages—tend to bounce back more easily from divorce (Bourassa, Sbarra, & Whisman, 2015). However, a few women—especially those who are anxious and fearful, who remain strongly attached to their ex-spouses, or who lack education and job skills—experience a drop in self-esteem and persistent depression (Coleman, Ganong, & Leon, 2006). Job training, continued education, career advancement, and social support from family and friends play vital roles in the economic and psychological well-being of many divorced women.

Divorce and Remarriage

Divorce rates have declined over the past two decades, partly because of rising age at marriage, which is linked to greater financial stability and marital satisfaction. In addition, the increase in cohabitation has curtailed divorce: Many relationships that once would have been marriages now break up before marriage. Still, from 42 to 45 percent of U.S. marriages dissolve (U.S. Census Bureau, 2015b). Because most divorces occur within seven years of marriage, many involve young children. Divorces are also common during the transition to midlife, when people have adolescent children—a period (as noted earlier) of reduced marital satisfaction. Nearly 60 percent of divorced adults remarry. But marital failure is even greater during the first few years of second marriages—10 percent above that for first marriages. Afterward, the divorce rates for first and second marriages are similar (Lewis & Kreider, 2015).

Civic and Political Commitments

Evidence also supports the view that many emerging adults are committed to improving their communities, nation, and world. In a survey of 165,000 first-year students enrolled in more than 200 U.S. colleges and universities, a record number expected to participate in community service, with nearly 35 percent saying that there is "a very good chance" they will do so—double the number a generation ago (Eagan et al., 2013). Among those who expect to volunteer, the overwhelming majority actually do so within their first year (DeAngeleo, Hurtado, & Pryor, 2010). Furthermore, compared to young people in previous generations, today's emerging adults have a stronger pluralistic orientation—disposition for living in a diverse society that promotes individual respect and equality of opportunity, regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, and sexual orientation. They are also more concerned about addressing global problems (Arnett, 2013). Overall, the intentions and behaviors of emerging adults reflect considerable caring and concern for others and civic engagement, from which they reap wide-ranging benefits—enhanced self-esteem, sense of purpose and meaning, social skills, and social networks (Núnez & Flanagan, 2016). Finally, contemporary U.S. 18- to 29-year-olds have been labeled "apathetic no shows" when it comes to voting. After declining over the 1990s, their turnout rose in the 2000s, reaching 51 percent in 2008, then dropped to 45 percent in 2012, but rose again in 2016. Throughout, participation remained below the 66 percent rate of 30-and-older citizens (Circle, 2013; Pew Research Center, 2016b). Emerging adults' longer road to adulthood likely contributes to their comparatively low voting rate. Adult commitments and responsibilities increase people's stake in the political process.

Same-Sex Friendships

Extending a pattern evident in childhood and adolescence, women's same-sex friendships are more intimate than men's. Barriers to intimacy between male friends include competitiveness, which may make men unwilling to disclose weaknesses. Because of greater intimacy, women generally evaluate their same-sex friendships more positively than men do. But they also have higher expectations of friends (Blieszner & Roberto, 2012). Thus, they are more disapproving if friends do not meet their expectations. Of course, individual differences exist in friendship quality. The longer lasting men's friendships are, the closer they become and the more they include disclosure of personal information (Sherman, de Vries, & Lansford, 2000). Lesbian and gay romantic relationships often develop out of close same-sex friendships, with lesbians, especially, forging compatible friendships before becoming involved romantically (Diamond, 2006). As they develop romantic ties and marry, young adults—especially men—direct more of their disclosures toward their partners. Still, friendships continue to be vital contexts for personal sharing throughout adulthood. A best friendship can augment well-being when a marriage is not fully satisfying (but not when the marriage is low in quality) (Birditt & Antonucci, 2007).

Religion and Spirituality

Extending a trend under way in adolescence, attendance at religious services declines further in the late teens and twenties as young people question beliefs acquired in their families and search for personally meaningful alternatives. More than one-third of U.S. 18- to 29-year-olds are unaffiliated with a particular faith, considerably more than in their parents' generation at the same age (Pew Research Center, 2014a, 2015a). Increasing numbers of Millennials express concern that religious (and other) institutions have become too judgmental, political, and focused on money and power. Nevertheless, religion is more important in the lives of U.S. young people than it is for their agemates in other developed countries. Most—including many who are unaffiliated—say they believe in God and describe themselves as religious, spiritual, or both. Furthermore, more than one-third of those who are affiliated with a religion say they are "strong" members of their faith (Pew Research Center, 2010c, 2014a). Women and ethnic minorities tend to be more religious (Barry & Abo-Zena, 2014). Whether or not they are involved in organized religion, many young people begin to construct their own individualized faith and, if attending college, frequently discuss religious and spiritual beliefs and experiences with friends. These peer dialogues promote spiritual development (Barry & Abo-Zena, 2016; Barry & Christofferson, 2014). Often emerging adults weave together beliefs and practices from diverse sources—Eastern and Western religious traditions, science, and popular culture. Emerging adults who say their parents used an authoritative child-rearing style are more likely to hold religious or spiritual beliefs and engage in religious practices similar to their parents' (Nelson, 2014). The warmth, explanations, and autonomy granting of authoritative parenting seem to provide young people with a fuller understanding of their parents' religious ideology, along with greater freedom to evaluate it against alternatives. Consequently, they are more likely to integrate their parents' perspectives into their own worldview. As with adolescents, U.S. emerging adults who are religious or spiritual tend to be better adjusted. They are higher in self-esteem and psychological well-being; less often engage in substance use, antisocial acts, or hookup and friends-with-benefits relationships; and are more involved in community service (Barry & Christofferson, 2014; Salas-Wright, Vaughn, & Maynard, 2015). But outcomes vary: Those experiencing profound religious and spiritual struggles are at risk for physical and mental health difficulties (Magyar-Russell, Deal, & Brown, 2014).

The Family Life Cycle

For most young people, the life course takes shape within the family life cycle—a series of phases characterizing the development of most families around the world. In early adulthood, people typically live on their own, marry, and bear and rear children. In middle age, as their children leave home, their parenting responsibilities diminish. Late adulthood brings retirement, growing old, and (more often for women) death of one's spouse (McGoldrick & Shibusawa, 2012). Stress tends to be greatest during transitions between phases, as family members redefine and reorganize their relationships. But wide variations exist in the sequence and timing of family life-cycle phases—high rates of out-of-wedlock births, delayed marriage and parenthood, divorce, and remarriage, among others. And some people, voluntarily or involuntarily, do not experience all phases. Still, the family life-cycle model offers an organized way of thinking about how the family system changes over time and the impact of each phase on the family unit and its members.

Other-Sex Friendships

From the college years through career exploration and settling into work roles, other-sex friendships increase. After marriage, they decline for men but continue to rise for women, who more often form them in the workplace. Highly educated, employed women have the largest number of other-sex friends. Through these relationships, young adults often gain in companionship and self-esteem and learn about masculine and feminine styles of intimacy (Bleske & Buss, 2000). Because men confide especially easily in their female friends, such friendships offer them a unique opportunity to broaden their expressive capacity. And women sometimes say male friends offer objective points of view that are not available from female friends (Monsour, 2002). Many people try to keep other-sex friendships platonic to safeguard their integrity. But sometimes the relationship changes into a romantic bond. When a solid other-sex friendship does evolve into a romance, it may be more stable and enduring than a romantic relationship formed without a foundation in friendship. And emerging adults, especially, are flexible about people they include in their friendship networks (Barry, Madsen, & DeGrace, 2016). After a breakup, they may even keep a former romantic partner on as a friend.

Parenthood

In the past, having children was, for many adults, a biological given or a compelling social expectation. Today, in Western industrialized nations, it is a matter of true individual choice. Effective birth control techniques enable adults to avoid having children in most instances. And changing cultural values allow people to remain childless with far less fear of social criticism. Nevertheless, the 6 percent of American 18- to 40-year-olds who currently say they do not want children is just slightly higher than the 5 percent who said so a quarter century ago (Gallup, 2013). Among U.S. adults age 40 and older, 85 percent of women and 76 percent of men are parents (U.S. Census Bureau, 2015b). At the same time, increasing numbers of young adults in industrialized nations are delaying parenthood or not having children. Consistent with this trend and with the decision of most mothers to divide their energies between family and work, family size has declined to an all-time low. In 1950, the average number of children per woman was 3.1; currently, it is 1.9 in the United States and Sweden, 1.8 in the United Kingdom, 1.6 in Canada, and 1.4 in Germany, Italy, and Japan (World Bank, 2016). Nevertheless, the vast majority of married people continue to embrace parenthood as one of life's most meaningful experiences.

Remarriage

On average, people remarry within four years of divorce, men somewhat faster than women. Remarriages are especially vulnerable to breakup, for several reasons. First, practical matters—financial security, help in rearing children, relief from loneliness, and social acceptance—figure more heavily into choice of a second-marriage partner than a first. As a result, remarried couples are more likely than first-marriage couples to differ in age, education level, ethnicity, religion, and other background factors. Second, some people transfer the negative patterns of interaction learned in their first marriage to the second. Third, people with a failed marriage behind them are even more likely to view divorce as an acceptable solution when marital difficulties resurface. Finally, remarried couples experience more stress from stepfamily situations (Coleman, Ganong, & Russell, 2013). As we will see, stepparent-stepchild ties are powerful predictors of marital happiness. Blended families generally take 3 to 5 years to develop the connectedness and comfort of intact biological families. Family life education, couples counseling, and group therapy can help divorced and remarried adults adapt to the complexities of their new circumstances (Pryor, 2014).

Culture and the Experience of Love

Passionate love, with its intense feelings of ecstasy and longing, is recognized in virtually all contemporary cultures, though its importance varies. Passion, which forms the basis for romantic love, along with respect for the other's unique qualities, became the dominant basis for marriage in twentieth-century Western nations as the value of individualism strengthened (Hatfield, Rapson, & Martel, 2007). Trying to satisfy dependency needs through a close relationship is regarded as immature. This Western view contrasts sharply with the perspectives of Eastern cultures, such as China and Japan, where lifelong dependency is accepted and viewed positively and the self is defined through role relationships—son or daughter, brother or sister, husband or wife. In choosing a lifelong partner, Chinese and Japanese young people are expected to consider obligations to others, especially parents. Compared with their Western counterparts, college students of Asian heritage place less emphasis on physical attraction and deep emotion and more weight on companionship and practical matters—similarity of background, career promise, and likelihood of being a good parent (Hatfield, Rapson, & Martel, 2007). Still, even in Eastern countries such as China, India, and Japan where arranged marriages are still fairly common, parents and prospective brides and grooms consult one another before moving forward. If parents try to force their children into a marriage with little chance of love, most of the time children resist, emphasizing the importance of love (Hatfield, Mo, & Rapson, 2015). Nevertheless, arranged marriages offer certain advantages in the cultures in which they occur, including greater family and community approval and support. Furthermore, many arranged marriages succeed, with marital satisfaction just as high or higher than in self-chosen marriages (Madathil & Benshoff, 2008; Schwartz, 2007). In interviews with arranged-marriage couples from diverse countries who reported that their love grew over time, participants explained that commitment helped bring about other qualities that strengthened love, including good communication, caring and concern, and pleasurable physical intimacy. A substantial number stated that building love in their marriages was an intentional act (Epstein, Pandit, & Thakar, 2013). Although not a defense of arranged marriages, the findings suggest conditions under which love between self-chosen newlyweds might be induced to grow, rather than decline as it often does.

Cultural change, cultural variation, and emerging adulthood

Rapid cultural change explains the recent appearance of emerging adulthood. Entry-level positions in many fields require more education than in the past, prompting young adults to seek higher education in record numbers and thus delaying financial independence and career commitment. Also, wealthy nations with longer-lived populations have no pressing need for young people's labor, freeing those who are financially able for extended exploration. Indeed, emerging adulthood is limited to cultures that postpone entry into adult roles until the twenties. In developing nations, only a privileged minority—usually those from wealthier families who are admitted to universities—experience it (Arnett, 2011). Furthermore, the overwhelming majority of young people in regions of Africa, Asia, and South America with traditional economies—that have few economic resources and are largely rural and farm-based—have no emerging adulthood. With limited education, they typically enter lifelong work, marriage, and parenthood early. In industrialized countries, many young people experience these transitional years. Typically, their families are sufficiently well-off to provide them with financial support, without which few could advance their education, explore career possibilities, or travel the country and world to—as one emerging adult put it—"experience as much as possible." Some non-college-bound young people also benefit from this extended transition to adult roles (Tanner, Arnett, & Leis, 2009). But they may do so by trying out different types of work rather than college majors or travel. Nevertheless, for low-SES youths in Western nations who are burdened by early parenthood, do not finish high school, are otherwise academically unprepared for college, or do not have access to vocational training, emerging adulthood is limited or nonexistent. Because of its strong association with SES and higher education, some researchers reject the notion of emerging adulthood as a distinct life stage (see the Cultural Influences box on the following page). Others disagree, predicting that emerging adulthood will become increasingly common as globalization—the exchange of ideas, information, trade, and immigration among nations—accelerates (Marshall & Butler, 2016). But an emerging adulthood abundant in opportunity depends to a great extent on socioeconomic conditions.

Joining of Families in Marriage

The average age of first marriage in the United States has risen from about 20 for women and 23 for men in 1960 to 27 for women and 29 for men today. Consequently, just 16 percent of contemporary U.S. 18- to 29-year-olds are married, compared to 60 percent a half-century ago (Gallup, 2015b; U.S. Census Bureau, 2016b). Postponement of marriage is even more marked in Western Europe—to the early thirties. The number of first and second marriages has declined over the last few decades as more people stay single, cohabit, or do not remarry after divorce. In 1960, 85 percent of Americans had been married at least once; today, the figure is 70 percent. At present, 49 percent of U.S. adults, slightly less than half, live together as married couples (U.S. Census Bureau, 2015a). Nevertheless, marriage remains a central life goal for young people (Pew Research Center, 2013a). Irrespective of SES and ethnicity, most U.S. unmarried young adults say they want to marry and have children. Same-sex marriages are recognized nationwide in 20 countries, including the United States. Because legalization is recent, research on same-sex couples in the context of marriage is scant. But so far, evidence suggests that the same factors contribute to happiness in same-sex as in other-sex marriages. And both sexual majority and minority couples perceive marriage as important for the same reasons: because it confers public legitimacy to the relationship, demonstrates commitment, and offers financial and legal benefits (Haas & Whitton, 2015). Marriage is more than the joining of two individuals. It also requires that two systems—the spouses' families—adapt and overlap to create a new subsystem. Consequently, marriage presents complex challenges.

Vaillant's Adaptation to Life

Vaillant (1977) followed the development of nearly 250 men born in the 1920s, selected for study while they were students at a competitive liberal arts college. Participants were interviewed extensively while in college and answered lengthy questionnaires during each succeeding decade. Then Vaillant (2002, 2012) conducted periodic interviews with them about work, family, and physical and mental health at ages 47, 60, 70, and 85. Looking at how the men altered themselves and their social world to adapt to life, Vaillant—like Levinson—built on Erikson's stages. After focusing on intimacy concerns in their twenties, the men turned to career consolidation in their thirties. During their forties, they became more generative. In their fifties and sixties, they extended that generativity; they became "keepers of meaning," expressing a deep need to preserve and pass on cultural traditions and lessons learned from life experience. Finally, in late adulthood, the men became more spiritual and reflective. In a subsequent lifelong study of a sample of well-educated women, Vaillant (2002) identified a similar series of changes. Nevertheless, the developmental patterns Vaillant and Levinson described are based largely on interviews with people born in the first few decades of the twentieth century, many of whom were educationally and economically advantaged. As our discussion of emerging adulthood illustrates, development is far more variable today—so much so that researchers increasingly doubt that adult psychosocial changes can be organized into distinct stages. Rather, people may assemble the themes and dilemmas identified by these theorists into individualized arrangements, in a dynamic system of interacting biological, psychological, and social forces.

Partner Abuse

Violence in families is a widespread health and human rights issue, occurring in all cultures and SES groups. Often one form of domestic violence is linked to others. Consider Karen, whose husband, Mike, not only assaulted her physically and sexually but also abused her psychologically—isolating, humiliating, and demeaning her. Violent adults also break their partner's favorite possessions, punch holes in walls, or throw objects. "It was a control thing," Karen explained. "He complained that I wouldn't always do what he wanted. I didn't leave because I was sure he would come after me and get more violent." Partner abuse in which husbands are perpetrators and wives are physically injured is most likely to be reported to authorities. But in studies spanning many countries in which people are asked directly, rates of assault experienced by men and women are similar. Women victims are more often physically injured, but sex differences in severity of abuse are small (Dutton, 2012; Esquivel-Santoveña, Lambert, & Hamel, 2013). Partner abuse also occurs at similar rates in same-sex and other-sex relationships (Stiles-Shields & Carroll, 2015).

Stepparents

Whether stepchildren live in the household or visit only occasionally, stepparents are in a difficult position. Stepparents enter the family as outsiders and, too often, move into their new parental role too quickly. Lacking a warm attachment bond to build on, their discipline is usually ineffective (Ganong & Coleman, 2004). Compared with first-marriage parents, remarried parents typically report higher levels of tension and disagreement, most centering on child-rearing issues. When both adults have children from prior marriages, rather than only one, more opportunities for conflict exist. Stepmothers, particularly the 10 percent who live in the same residence as stepchildren, are especially likely to experience conflict. Those who have not previously been married and had children may have an idealized image of family life, which is quickly shattered. Expected to be in charge of family relationships, stepmothers quickly find that stepparent-stepchild ties do not develop instantly. After divorce, biological mothers are frequently jealous and uncooperative (Church, 2004; Pryor, 2014). Even when their husbands do not have custody, stepmothers feel stressed. As stepchildren go in and out of the nonresident home, stepmothers find life easier without uncooperative children and then may feel guilty about their "unmaternal" feelings. Stepfathers with children of their own tend to establish positive bonds with stepchildren, especially stepsons, more readily, perhaps because they are experienced in building warm parent-child ties and feel less pressure than stepmothers to plunge into parenting (Ganong et al., 1999; van Eeden-Moorefield & Pasley, 2013). But stepfathers without biological children (like their stepmother counterparts) can have unrealistic expectations. Or their wives may push them into the father role, sparking negativity from children. In interviews in which young-adult stepchildren provided retrospective accounts of their stepparent relationships, the quality of these ties varied widely. A caring relationship between remarried or cohabiting couples, sensitive relationship-building behaviors by the stepparent, cooperation from the biological parent, and supportive extended family members all affected the stepparent-stepchild ties. Over time, many couples built a coparenting partnership that improved interactions with stepchildren (Ganong, Coleman, & Jamison, 2011). But establishing stepparent-stepchild bonds is challenging, contributing to a higher divorce rate for remarried couples with stepchildren than for those without them.