Chapter 8

What are the communicative behaviors that affect romantic relationships?

-conflict -privacy -emotional communication -instrumental communication

experimenting stage of relationship development

-during which you have conversations to learn more about that person -This stage helps individuals decide whether they have enough in common to move the relationship forward

romantic relationships and exclusivity

-exclusivity = an expression of commitment and faithfulness that romantic partners share and trust each other to uphold -usually seen through the form of monogamy

What are the communication issues that families commonly encounter?

-family roles -family rituals -family stories -family secrets

predictability vs novelty

The struggle between the simultaneous needs for certainty and novelty in relationships

autonomy vs connection

The struggle between the simultaneous needs for independence and dependence in relationships

openness vs closedness

The struggle between the simultaneous needs for sharing with your partner and withholding from your partner

the need to be away from your partner

autonomy

during the _________ stage, some partners take a direct route to creating distance, such as by moving out of the house or saying "I can't be around you right now." Others create distance indirectly, for example by making up excuses for being apart ("I have company in town all next week, so I won't be able to see you") and curtailing their availability by screening phone calls or not responding to texts or messages.

avoiding

who holds others responsible for whatever goes wrong but accepts no responsibility for his or her own behaviors

blamer

-Two adult parents (who may be married or cohabiting and of the same or opposite sex) raising children who are not the biological offspring of both partners -Their children may be adopted, or they might be the biological offspring of one of the parents and the stepchildren of the other

blended family

moving in together, getting engaged, or having a commitment ceremony are all parts of the ______ stage

bonding

family stories

give families a sense of their history, express what family members expect of one another, and reinforce connections across different generations

the need to share with your partner

openness

the peacemaker who will go to any lengths to reduce conflict; they may simply agree with whatever anyone says to keep others from getting angry

placater

terminating stage of ending romantic relationships

point the relationship is officially judged to be over

the need for routine within a relationship

predictability

What are the characteristics of romantic relationships?

romantic relationships and: -exclusivity -voluntariness -love -sexuality -around the world

family rituals

serve a variety of functions in family interactions, among them reinforcing a family's values and providing a sense of belonging. -rituals such as an annual road trip isn't just about the trip; it's also about spending time together, creating memories, and emphasizing the importance of family relationships

-One adult raises one or more children -The children may be the biological offspring, or they may be adopted or stepchildren

single-parent family

Partners avoid communicating about anything important because they fear it will only lead to conflict is an example of the ________ stage

stagnating

during the ________ stage, partners move out, divide property, announce to friends/family its over, getting a divorce

terminating

circumscribing stage of ending romantic relationships

-begin to decrease the quality and quantity of their communication with each other -their purpose in doing so is to avoid dealing with conflicts

types of family roles (4)

-blamer -placater -computer -distracter

intimate relationships require deep commitment

-Commitment is our desire to stay in a relationship no matter what happens -They assume they will have a future together -There can be social (motivates you to spend time together, compromise, avoid conflict), emotional (responsibility for each other's feelings), and legal and financial commitment (formal obligations)

intimate relationships spark dialectical tensions

-Dialectical tensions - conflicts between two important but opposing needs or desires -Having multiple needs at one time -Tensions occurring within the relationship, itself

conflict

-an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals -The way couples handle it—rather than the amount of conflict they have—is what influences the success of their relationship

emotional communication

-an important part of most romantic relationships -The way romantic partners express emotion to each other can say a lot about the quality of their relationship -it reflects how satisfied the partners are with each other

dialectical tensions (relational dialects) consist of:

-autonomy vs connection -openness vs closedness -predictability vs novelty

romantic relationships and love

-in individualistic societies such as US, ppl tend to believe not only that they should get to choose their romantic partner but that their choice should be based on love and attraction -some people enter into romantic relationships for other reasons: -some do so for financial stability -some form relationships to gain, consolidate, or protect power, such as when members of royal or politically powerful families intermarry

bonding stage of relationship development

-in which the partners make a public announcement of their commitment to each other -allows individuals to gain the support and approval of people in their social networks

What are the stages of relationship development?

-initiating -experimenting -intensifying -integrating -bonding

intimate relationships require continuous investments

-investment -that is the commitment of our engines and other resources -we expect to benefit from our investments, but we know we cannot retrieve the resources we've dedicated to the relationship if it comes to an end

instrumental communication

-is the communication about day to day topics such as who's making dinner and who's taking the children to soccer practice -Addresses the necessary daily tasks couples face explains why it is one of the most common forms of communication among romantic partners -Can also be one of the most contentious issue couples face because romantic partners often disagree over the division of responsibilities for instrumental tasks

What are the different types of families?

-nuclear family -blended family -single-parent family -co-parenting family

integrating stage of relationship development

-occurs when a deep commitment has formed, and the partners share a strong sense that the relationship has its own identity -you start expecting to see the two individuals together and begin referring to them as a couple

family secrets

-often contain information the family considers private and inappropriate for sharing with outsiders, such as details of religious practices, health or legal issues, family conflicts, or financial information -keeping family secrets can reinforce the family's identity and exclusivity, because only family members can know the secrets

privacy

-partners must choose for themselves how to manage information they consider to be private -Some of us are "open books"—that is, uninhibited about disclosing private information to others -Others are discreet, sharing private information with only a select few

romantic relationships and sexuality

-people communicate similarly in same- and opposite-sex romantic relationships -People in same-sex romantic relationships report levels of relationship satisfaction equal to those of opposite-sex dating, engaged, and married couple both kinds of relationships: ~value intimacy and equality between relational partners ~experience conflict ~seek emotional support from family members and friends ~negotiate how to accomplish mundane (or "instrumental") needs such as everyday household chores.

intensifying stage of relationship development

-people move from being acquaintances to being close friends -they spend more time together -meet each others friends -share intimate information with each other (fears, goals, secrets) -

What are the stages of ending romantic relationships?

1. differentiating 2. circumscribing 3. stagnating 4. avoiding 5. terminating

intimate relationships foster interdependence

Interdependence - what happens to one person affects everyone else in the relationship

romantic relationships and voluntariness

Means that people choose for themselves whether to be romantically involved

differentiating stage of ending romantic relationships

Partners in any romantic relationship are similar to each other in some ways and different in other ways

avoiding stage of ending romantic relationships

When partners decide they are no longer willing to live in a stagnant relationship, they enter the avoiding stage, during which they create physical and emotional distance from each other

in the ________ stage, partners start spending more time apart, and when they're together, they usually don't talk about problems, disagreements, or sensitive issues in their relationship. Instead they focus on "safe" topics and issues about which they agree

circumscribing

the need to not share with your partner

closedness

Children divide their time between two parents who are no longer romantic partners but who share custody and financial obligations for the children

co-parenting families

who attempts to use logic and reason - rather than education - to defuse the situation

computer

how partners spend their time and money, raise their children, manage their personal and professional obligations, and enact their sex life are examples of...

conflict in romantic relationships

the need to be with your partner

connection

romantic relationships around the world

culture affects expectations for: -exclusivity (polygamy) -voluntariness (arrange marriages) -love (individualistic cultures will marry for love, collectivistic cultures do not necessarily) -sexuality (nations prohibit people of the same sex from being romantically or sexually involved while other countries allow same sex marriages to exist)

conflicts between two important but opposing needs or desires

dialectical tensions

when partners begin to view their differences as undesirable or annoying, they are entering the _______ stage

differentiating

who changes the subject by making random, irrelevant comments so the rest of the family will forget about the conflict

distracter

an expression of commitment and faithfulness that romantic partners share and trust each other to uphold

exclusivity

in the ___________ stage, individuals might ask questions such as "What movies do you like?" and "What do you do for fun?" to gain basic information about a potential partner

experimenting

having romantic or sexual interaction with someone outside the romantic relationship

infidelity

For instance, you might make eye contact with someone on the first day of class and decide to introduce yourself, or you might find yourself sitting next to someone on an airplane and strike up a conversation. "What's your name?" and "Where are you from?" are common questions people ask at the ____________ stage

initiating

at the ______ stage, the partners' lives become intertwined, and they also begin to think of themselves as a pair—not just "you" and "I" but "we."

integrating

in the __________ stage one may verbally make statements such as "You're really important to me."

intensifying

What are the characteristics of intimate relationships?

intimate relationships: -require deep commitment -foster interdependence -require continuous investment -spark dialectical tensions

stagnating stage of ending romantic relationships

it stops growing and the partners feel as if they are just "going through the motions"

being in only one relationship at a time and avoiding romantic or sexual involvement with others outside that relationship

monogamy

the need for a change up within a relationship

novelty

Families or origin and families of procreation develop in many forms - historically the most traditional profile has consisted of a married woman and man in their biological children

nuclear family

initiating stage of relationship development

occurs when people meet and interact for the first time