Exam 2: Chapter 8

Gender differences in love: Kephart Q: Would you marry without love?; Sprecher 2002 (Kephart revisited)

Kephart (1967) surveyed college aged men and women Q: "If someone had all the other qualities you desire, would you marry that person if you were not in love?" A: men 65% NO A: women 24% NO - Women were now more likely than men to say they would not marry if they were not in love

What is the love contract?

expectations partners in a love-appropriate relationship have for each other and themselves

what is romantic/passionate love?

feelings of intense longing, accompanied by physiological arousal, when things are going well we feel great fulfillment and ecstacy, but when it is not we feel sadness and despair

What is the principle of least interest?

idea that whoever cares the least about the relationship has the most power

what are the components of companionate love?

intimacy and commitment, no passion

What are the components of romantic love?

intimacy and passion, no commitment

Fisher's characteristics of being "in love"?

o Being "in love" o Special meaning o Focused attention o Aggrandizing the beloved o Intrusive thinking o Emotional fire o Intense energy o Mood swings o Yearning for emotional union o Looking for clues o Changing priorities o Emotional dependence o Empathy o Sexual interest

What is love's double- cross?

what draws us to our partners may cause problems later on

Is love universal?

yes and no

How might men and women show love differently? Cancian's feminization of love, Hochschild's Emotion Work

* Separate spheres-->new romantic (expressive) ideal -Instrumental (masculine) ≠ not love: providing help, time spent together, shared physical activities, sex -Expressive (feminine) = love: Verbal expressions, Emotion Work (Hochschild) - talking about feelings * Stereotype that men are less romantic * Need to recognize both "expressive" and instrumental" ways of showing love

What are the characteristics of romanticism and how is it related to romantic love?

- a belief in the innate goodness of man in his natural state; individualism; reverence for nature; primitivism; philosophic idealism; a paradoxical tendency toward both free thought and religious mysticism; revolt against political authority and social convention; exaltation of physical passion; the cultivation of emotion and sensation for their own sakes; and a persistent attraction to the supernatural the morbid, the melancholy, and the cruel - justify rebelling against family to cling to lover; unleashing power of sexuality; irrational nature of romantic love

What is Sternberg's triangle of love? What are its three components?

- an image of love made up of passion, intimacy, and commitment - passion: psychological and physical arousal - intimacy: provides a sense of connectedness and closeness - commitment: decision to maintain the relationship over time

What are Lee's six love styles?

- eros is intensely passionate - storge develops much more slowly than Eros and is less intense, more of a friendship - ludus is love for mutual fun - pragma forms the root of the word pragmatic; practical love - mania is obsessive and compulsive love - agape is altruistic love, giving and nourishing without expecting anything in return

What is the difference between falling in love and staying in love?

- falling in love: attraction, self-revelation, rose colored glasses - staying in love: negotiation, compromise, taboo topics

What is the evidence for and against?

- hatfield and rapson: passionate love could be found throughout all human eras, no difference in incidence of love for men and women or for different ethnic groups (romantic love) - jankowiak and Fischer: romantic love is not necessarily associated with marriage - solomon: romantic love can only exist in a society that has a high emphasis on individuality

What is Fromm's definition of mature love?

- love is an action, not just a passive emotion - care, responsibility, respect, knowledge

What factors are likely to lead to relationship breakup?

- lower level of love, unequal level of involvement between partners, discrepant age and educational aspirations, differences in intelligence and physical attractiveness, tendency to date less exclusively

How do men and women differ in the ways they show love and how they behave in romantic relationships? In what ways are they very similar?

- men are more playful, behave in more romantic ways, women have more to risk - both think that love is important in their lives and are capable of strong love of both the expressive and instrumental types

What is the difference between passionate and companionate love?

- passionate: similar to mania; love at first sight; strong physical component - companionate: similar to storge; mainly friends, can be sexual, requires greater level of intentional commitment

What are the characteristics of the four stages of Reiss' Wheel Theory of Love?

- rapport: a feeling of being at ease and able to communicate with each other - self-revelation: the more people trust each other, the more they will reveal about themselves - mutual dependence: once partners begin to work out ways of coordinating their time, money and activities, they are much closer to a long-term commitment to each other - intimacy-need fulfillment: need for someone to love, to confide in, someone to provide sympathetic understanding

What are the three categories of relationship risks?

- social incompatibility - low relationship quality - social network influence

What were the characteristics of courtly love?

- spiritual love for God - passionate heterosexual attraction - loyalty of a servant to his master

What is the feminization of love? Why has this occurred according to Cancian?

- women were assigned roles in the private sphere because work life became separated - women were associated with emotional work of expressive roles

Gallup Poll results -- belief in "the one true love" -- don't need to know specific %'s, just trends for age groups

This belief is high both among Americans over the age of 65 (79%) and among young adults between the ages of 18 and 29 (76%).

what are the components of consummate love?

a love with large amounts of passion, intimacy, and commitment

What did the concept of concordia mean?

a state of harmony and lack of disagreement

What is Companionate love?

a strong bond that includes tender attachment, enjoyment of each other's company, and friendship

How do "individualistic" cultures differ from "collectivist" cultures? Levine's (1995) comparison of American culture with other cultures.

a) Individualistic * focus on romantic love * intimate choices driven by personal feelings & emotions b) Collectivist * group obligation * well-being of the family, community * NYTimes article 2/13/01 c) americans would not marry someone without love

What was the relationship between passionate love and marriage in Ancient Greece?

passionate love was not expected to be part of marriage and family life

What did Musick and Bumpass (2006) find?

spark fizzles around year 3

What is the myth of self sufficiency?

suggests that couples can accomplish everything necessary to the success of their relationship, without outside help or outside support

According to Sternberg, what makes couples happy in their relationships?

the more similar the love triangle for each partner, the higher the probability of each feeling happiness in the relationship

What is Cancian's definition of a love relationship?

•Relatively enduring bond •Small # of people •Affectionate •Emotionally committed to each other •Define collective well-being as major goal •Feel obliged to provide care and practical assistance to each other •Share physical contact •Talk frequently •Cooperate in some routine tasks of daily life