Interpersonal COM Exam 3: Conflict, Families, Romantic Relationships, and Friendships

selected conflict management skills

-acknowledge other's statements -listen mindfully -take responsibility for your feelings -look for points of agreement -check your perceptions -try to save other's face -try a little humor, and be open to humor -aim for a 5:1 ratio

other guidelines, not Julia's

-avoid ultimatums and fighting dirty -avoid 4 horsemen of the apocalypse -don't speak divorce or break up's into existence -be kind, generous, and interested -have fun together

guidelines for communicating in romantic relationships

-engage in dual perspective -practice safer sex -manage conflict constructively -adapt communication to maintain long distance relationships

consensual families

-high conversation, high conformity -communication tends to have substantial depth and breadth

pluralistic families

-high conversation, low conformity -communication is open, and all family members are encouraged to express their thoughts and feelings, and agreement is not required

protective families

-low conversation, high conformity -conflict is avoided, and children are expected to adhere to their parent's values, beliefs, and decisions

laissez-faire families

-low conversation, low conformity -parents and children have limited interaction, children are independent, and families may not feel close bonds

pressures on friendships

-negotiating relational dialectics -diverse communication styles -seuxal attraction -competing demands -personal changes or distances

"wanted themes of love"

-support -words of affirmation -honesty -security -empathy -vulnerability -intimacy -etc.

relationships with friends are characterized by:

-willingness to invest -emotional closeness -acceptance -trust -support

the family life cycle

1. establishing a family 2. enlarging a family 3. developing a family 4. encouraging independence 5. launching children 6. post launching of children 7. retirement

guidelines for effective communication during conflict

1. focus on the overall communication system 2. time conflict purposefully 3. aim for a win-win conflict 4. Honor yourself, your partner, and the relationship 5. show grace when appropriate

development of romantic relationships

1. growth -individuality -hooking up/ invitational communication -exploration -revising com -commitment 2. navigation -placemaking 3. deterioration -dyadic processes -social support -grave-dressing process -resurrection process

the development of friendships

1. growth stages -relationship rules 2. deterioration phases

guidelines for effective communication in families

1. maintain equity in family relationships 2. make daily choices that enhance intimacy 3. show respect and consideration 4. don't sweat the small stuff

5 love languages

1. words of affirmation 2. quality time 3. receiving gifts 4. acts of service 5. physical touch

relational culture

A private world of rules, understandings, and patterns of acting and interpreting that partners create to give meaning to their relationship; the nucleus of intimacy.

unproductive conflict communication

Early Stages -fails to confirm -cross-complaining Middle stages -Kitchen sinking Later stages -counter -proposals -meta communication -poor listening -defensive, negative climate

constructive conflict communication

The Early Stages -acknowledge other's concerns and feelings -supportive climate The Middle Stages -agenda building -bracketing -clarify and check perceptions The Later Stages -contracting not countering

the voice response

addresses conflict directly and attempts to resolve it

lose-lose orientation

assumes that conflict results in losses for everyone that is unhealthy and destructive for relationships

win-lose orientation

assumes that one person wins at the expense of the other

win-win

assumes that there are usually ways to resolve differences so that everyone gains

contracting

building a solution through negotiation and the acceptance of parts of proposals

gottman's "magic" of relationships

commitment, trust, and calm

the neglect response

denies or minimizes problems, disagreements, anger, or tension, or other matters that could lead to overt conflict

environmental spoiling

denotes situations in which proximity breeds ill will

interpersonal conflict

exists when there is expressed tension between people who are interdependent, perceive they have incompatible goals, and feel the need to resolve those differences

equity

fairness, based on the perception that both people invest equally in a relationship and benefit similarly from their investments

intimacy

feelings of closeness, connection, and tenderness

friends of the road

friends who change as we move along the road of life

friends of the heart

friends who remain close regardless of distance and circumstances

grace

granting forgiveness or putting aside our own needs when there is no standard that says we should or must do so

words with families

how family members talk and behave towards each other

thoughts with families

how family members think about each other and family

emotions with family

how we feel is affected by what we say to others and what we communicate to ourselves through self-talk

the exit response

involves physically walking out or psychologically withdrawing

the loyalty response

involves staying committed to a relationship despite differences

mania

madness, the passion of eros, but the play from ludus

bracketing

noting that an issue arising in the course of conflict should be discussed later

dimensions of romantic relationships

passion, commitment, intimacy

covert conflict

passive aggression: acting aggressively while denying feelings or acting aggressive games: highly patterned interactions in which the real conflicts are being denied and a counterfeit excuse is created for arguing or criticizing

ludus

playful, adventurous love

pragma

pragmatic or practical love

conversation orientation

refers to how open or closed communication is

conformity orientation

refers to the extend to which family members are expected to adhere to a family hierarchy and conform in beliefs

idea that singleism is real

single life is ideally worse, because marriage is connected to favoring economic effects, culturally values, emotionally, and interpersonally

commitment

the decision to remain in relationships

placemaking

the process of creating a comfortable personal environment that reflects the values, experiences, and tastes of the couple

Four Hoursemen of the Apocalypse

1. criticism 2. defensiveness 3. contempt 4. stonewalling

guidelines for communication between friends

1. dual perspective 2. communicate honestly 3. grow from differences 4. don't sweat the small stuff

principles of conflict

1. conflict is most natural in most Western relationships 2. conflict may be expressed overtly or covertly 3. social groups shape the meaning of conflict behaviors 4. conflict can be managed well or poorly 5. conflict can be good for individuals and relationships

eros

a powerful, passionate style of love that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically

agape

a blend of storge and eros, we should love others without expectation of personal gain of return

storge

a comfortable, even-keeled kind of love based on friendship and compatibility

kitchen sinking

everything except the kitchen sink is thrown into the argument

passion

what first springs to mind when we think of romance

elements in family communication

words, thoughts, emotions