Interpersonal Communication Ch 08: Emotions

social conventions and roles

a social convention is a social norm about emotion (e.g., people who show excessive emotion in public are viewed more negatively). roles refers to the idea that we might do a job (e.g., counselor, therapist, social worker) where we are required to do "emotional labor" meaning that we take care of others emotionally.

fallacy of perfection

a worthwhile communicator should be able to handle any situation with complete confidence and skill. when we believe that we can perfect something about ourselves if we just try hard enough.

fallacy of causation

believe they should do nothing that can hurt or in any way inconvenience others because it will cause undesirable feelings. when we believe that people can cause our emotions when in reality we choose to have emotional reactions.

choose the best time and place

choose a time close enough to the time you had an emotion that it does not feel like you are dredging up the past but also choose a place that is uncluttered and free from distractions so you can focus on sharing your emotions.

facilitative emotions

contribute to effective functioning. facilitative emotional experiences allow us to process emotion in a healthy way and still move forward in life; they last for short durations and we feel lower intensity (e.g., brief moments of feeling love make life enjoyable but don't distract us from life)

managing emotions

facilitative and debilitative emotions thoughts cause feelings irrational thinking and debilitative emotions minimizing debilitative emotions maximizing debilitative emotions

irrational thinking and debilitative emotions

fallacy of perfection fallacy of approval fallacy of should fallacy of over-generalization fallacy of causation fallacy of helplessness fallacy of catastrophic expectations

fallacy of approval

go to incredible lengths to seek acceptance from others, even to the extent of sacrificing their own principles and happiness. when we believe that unless we have a certain person's approval we cannot be happy.

debilitative emotions

hinder or prevent effective performance. debilitative emotional experiences cripple us by keeping us locked into long durations of intense emotion and for how long (e.g., obsessive love overwhelms us physically and psychologically and keeps us from thinking about work and other relationships).

fallacies

irrational thinking. these are patterns of thought that can lead to debilitative emotion.

any emotion can be facilitative or debilitative

it depends on how intensely we experience the emotion and for how long (e.g., a small moment of fear can remind us to avoid unsafe situations and people and thus be facilitative and similarly a person can focus so much on the feeling of pride that it becomes debilitative and we lose touch with reality and other people).

differentiate feeling from acting

just because we feel an emotion it does not excuse us for acting in negative ways (e.g., if i feel angry the anger didn't cause me to slap my friend. i made a choice to act out.)

recognize your feelings

know what you are feeling at any given time (e.g., sometimes we say we are angry when we are really hurt)

minimizing debilitative emotions

monitor your emotional reactions to people and situations note the activating event-- meaning what are things in your life that commonly trigger emotions? record your self talk-- these are the things you tell yourself that can trigger emotion. dispute your irrational beliefs-- if you are dwelling on unrealistic beliefs, recognize this and break the cycle with positive thoughts.

verbal expression

most of our emotion is expressed nonverbally (e.g., some researchers say emotion is 93% non verbal and 7% verbal). verbal expression of emotion is especially important in low context cultures that prefer direct verbal expression (e.g., saying the words "i love you").

influences on emotional expression

personality culture gender social conventions and roles social media emotional contagion

what are emotions?

physiological changes nonverbal reactions cognitive interpretations verbal expression

guidelines for expressing emotions

recognize your feelings choose the best language share multiple feelings recognize the difference between feeling and acting accept responsibility for your feelings choose the best time and place to express your feelings

rumination

recurrent thoughts not demanded by the immediate environment. when we spend too much time dwelling on debilitative emotion.

reappraisal

rethinking the meaning of emotionally charged events in ways that alter their emotional impact

emotion labor

situations in which managing and even suppressing emotions is both appropriate and necessary

fallacy of catastrophic expectation

some fearful people operate on the assumption that if something bad can happen, it probably will. similar to murphy's law. when we believe that the worst possible thing will happen even when it is unrealistic to think this way.

choose the best language

sometimes we label our thoughts like they are feelings so people don't hold us accountable for them (e.g., we say "i feel like our friendship is over" when we should say "i think our friendship is over")

fallacy of helplessness

suggests that forces beyond our control determine satisfaction in life. people with this outlook continually see themselves as victims. when we believe that no matter what choices we make in life we cannot improve our situation or improve our lives.

emotional intelligence

the ability to udnerstand and manage one's own emotions and to be sensitive to others' feelings

culture

the cultural value differences we discussed in chapter two affect emotional expression (e.g., individualists are more candid in their emotional expressions while collectivists might consider whether their emotional expression is in harmony with their social group).

fallacy of should

the inability to distinguish between what is and what should be. when we are convinced that we "should do" certain things (e.g., go to college) or "should be" certain things (e.g., married or be a parent) in order to be happy.

self-talk

the nonvocal, internal monologue that is our process of thinking

emotional contagion

the process by which emotions are transferred from one person to another. we can catch the emotional reactions of others who are nearby. for example, when someone laughs we will begin to laugh even before we know why we are doing it.

physiological changes

these are physical and biological reactions to emotion in the body (e.g., a rise in stress hormone in the blood, increased heart rate, and/or rising or dropping blood sugar)

nonverbal reactions

these are visible and observable nonverbal signs of emotion that primarily appear on the face (e.g., smiling or laughing to show happiness) but also in the body (e.g., clenched fists to show anger)

accept responsibility

we choose to respond to people and situations with emotions. people and situations don't create emotion for us (e.g., instead of thinking "he made me so angry" the reality is that i chose to respond to him with anger).

social media

we share more emotion online than face-to-face and high levels of jealousy are reported by those who frequently check their romantic partner's social media accounts.

fallacy of overgeneralization

when a person bases a belief on a limited amount of evidence. when we become convinced that something in the world is always or never something (e.g., you always let me down; you never listen).

share multiple feelings

when we are feeling both happy (e.g., for our new job) and fearful (e.g., because we don't know what to expect) we should share both emotions so that people can better understand and respond to us.

gender

women demonstrate more expressions of emotion than men both face-to-face and online (e.g., using emoticons/emojis). researchers argue that men are socialized to avoid showing emotional vulnerability.

cognitive interpretations

your brain reads the signals and reactions of your body so you can mentally classify what emotion you're experiencing (e.g., when i get that sick, uneasy feeling in my stomach and my face is blank my mind could classify this emotion as anxiety or stress)

personality

your personality affects your emotional expression. introverts (reserved) show less emotion outwardly, extroverts (outgoing) show more emotion outwardly and more positive emotion and neurotics (chronic worriers) show more stress, anxiety, and fear.