Psych 227 March 27th: The (Sometimes) Challenging/Negative Aspects of Human Sexuality (Part 2)

Unhealthy behaviours: Gaslighting

Manipulative tactic meant to distort or erode your sense of reality E.g., "You imagined it", "Are you crazy", "That didn't happen"

Why don't male sexual assault survivors come forward?

Many do not perceive incident as crime Fear they will not be believed Concerned their sexuality will become focus People assume they should have fought off attack Sexual response means it was desired "Masculinity" will be questioned

Why do people commit sexual assault?

**We know very little about why women hurt men or why women hurt other women Power, sexual deviancy, sexual scripts, gender stereotypes and double standards, lack of understanding of consent, histories of trauma and interpersonal violence, sexual entitlement, white supremacy, paternalism, misogyny, shame from past experiences, pleasure of it, toxic homosociality-men bonding over hurting women

Consent accidents vs. consent violations

A "nurturance culture" position recognizes the difference between these two concepts Consent violation = someone chooses to ignore or cross someone's boundaries Consent accidents = happen due to error, miscommunication, misunderstanding, or not having all of the information Can be difficult to tell the difference, especially if someone is very hurt or the perpetrator is lying Weaver's chart outlines suggested pathway to deciding how to judge and handle situations

Issues with "yes means yes" or "affirmative, enthusiastic yes" expectations

"Affirmative consent means affirmative, conscious, and voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity...Lack of protest or resistance does not mean consent, nor does silence mean consent." Will people be turned into unwitting perpetrator every time they have sex without obtaining an explicit "yes" from their partner? Do you have to obtain "yes" every 10 minutes? Consent can include nonverbal cues (e.g., body language) - yet relying solely on this can lead to misunderstanding Within the law, drunk consensual sex is already legally sexual assault

Everyday language that supports rape culture

"I just raped that (noun)" "Boys will be boys" "She's a sl*t/wh*re", "What is she wearing?" "They friend-zoned me!" Rape jokes, in general "I know you want it", "Why don't you want me?", "I'll convince you" Catcalling, in general "You're a tease" "Give me a hug/kiss" "I scored" or "I got in"

Brain responses to sexual assault and harassment

-Active brain processes underlie freezing response during traumatic experience - immobility or inhibition of behaviour -"Defense circuitry" brain regions scan for signs of danger (aka. Fight or flight response) - includes amygdala, brainstem, etc. -Parasympathetic branch plays dominant role -Stress chemicals impair the prefrontal cortex -Freezing (3 types)

Racial, sexual, and gender minority groups more likely to be victims of sexual assault

About 46.4% of lesbians, 74.9% of bisexual women, 40.2% of gay men, and 47.4% of bisexual men reported experiences of sexual violence With respect to transgender individuals, most studies reveal that about 50% experience sexual violence at some point in their lifetime Individuals who are part of a sexual/gender marginalized group and also a racially marginalized group are at even greater risk of experiencing sexual assault - intersectionality -Lack of research on and understanding of how these groups experience sexual assault

Laws are changing to protect domestic abuse victims

Alberta law allowing for early end to leases without financial penalty as of August 2016 -Recognizes that money is the main reason people stay in abusive relationships

Psychological symptoms of trauma can include:

Analgesia - emotional or physical numbing Cognitive confusion - thoughts fragmented, incomplete, impressionable Amnesia - eraser of content in the mind

When is it illegal to obtain sexual consent based on age?

Anyone under age 12 (but two individuals aged 12 years can give consent to one another) 12 year old and 3+ years difference 13 year old and 3+ years difference 14 year old and 5+ years difference 15 year old and 5+ years difference Age difference exceptions trumped by positions of authority, trust, dependence, or exploitation

Consent culture

Asking for consent becomes essential part of sexual relationships and non-romantic relationships - becomes normalized Everyday media and pop culture (which can shape how we view sexuality and how we behave) would put forth these messages Barriers = harmful perceptions and stereotypes (e.g., devaluing certain groups, rape myths, misconceptions about feminism)

Unhealthy behaviours: Destructive conditioning

Associate strengths, talents, happy memories with abuse, frustration, and disrespect

False rape accusations

Assumptions that people regret consensual behaviour, are looking for revenge, are seeking attention/fame/money, etc. While it can occur, and the results can be devastating to the accused, the rates are incredibly small compared to true reports - estimated between 2-10% false accusations -Most false accusations are the result of young people avoiding trouble from parents; complaints usually lodged by parents

What social norms are taught to young people? Common messages for women

Be chaste - save yourself for marriage/"the one" If you engage in any sexual behaviour you're a wh*re or sl*t Don't wear suggestive clothing (short skirts, low-cut tops) Don't walk anywhere alone, especially at night Don't get too drunk/high Don't express your sexual desires Focus on love, not sex, in relationships

Restorative justice approach

Brings those who have harmed, their victims, and affected families and communities into processes Goal is to discuss, repair harm, rebuild relationships Can be done through peacemaking circle and conferencing models Focus on healing and solutions, not punishment

...more specifically, rape culture is considered:

Broader cultural and social practices that reproduce and justify perpetuation of sexual assault, including: -Normalization of sexualized violence and objectification of women through institutions, media, popular culture -Encouragement of male aggression (e.g., sport and fraternity culture) -Perpetuation of rape myths, including systemic practices of blaming victims for being raped and tasking victims with burden of rape prevention -Acts such as catcalling, street harassment, rape jokes, spreading images of crimes/victims, posting comments on social media which attack victims

Additional precursors to abuse: possessiveness and jealousy (power & control)

Can present as: Telling you what to wear Asking you to back out of plans with friends and family for them Getting upset when you speak to someone they see as a threat Asking you to cut out all memories and ties to ex partners Checking in on your whereabouts Stalking or Teen/adolescent dating violence: strong predictor for later relationship violence

Self-reported sexual assaults in Western Canada 2016 (per 100,000)

Canada: 57.91 Manitoba: 108.57 SK: 103.94 Alberta: 63.45 BC: 50.17

Theories about why we blame victims: The just world hypothesis

Cognitive bias/assumption that people get what they deserve - if they are good, good things will happen and if they are bad, bad things will happen Something bad happened to you? You must have done something to deserve it

Rape myths:

Commonly held, subjective, and false beliefs held among the general public, criminal justice system, and mass media about how a typical sexual assault situation unfolds, as well as assumptions about the victims and perpetrators

Consensual non-consent situations

Concept means you agree to explore a fantasy or sexual behaviour with a partner that may be considered non-consensual BDSM - "Bondage and Discipline," "Dominance and Submission," "Sadomasochism," "Sadism and Masochism," and "Slave/Master." 24/7 - A power exchange relationship that is ongoing, 24 hours and 7 days a week. Bondage - There are many different kinds including rope bondage, suspension bondage, leather bondage, furniture and device bondage, predicament bondage. Breathplay - Restricting breath of self or others, considered edging. CBT - "Cock and Ball Torture" torture of the testicles and penis. Cane/Caning - Striking someone with a cane. Edgeplay - Breathplay, choking, knife play, play piercing, blood play, fireplay, and gunplay Rape fantasy - Faking a rape sense, can be used as an act of submission but conceptual. TPE - "Total Power Exchange." all power is exchanged, including finances and physical property. May engage in "meta-consent" or "blank consent" - comprehensive consent given in advance, may incorporate "safe words"

Canadian law on sexual consent

Consent must be obtained - not assumed due to marital or cohabitating status, or previous consensual relations Presence of drugs and/or alcohol and/or being unconscious negates any potential for consent Partners must be 16 years+ to legally consent (close-in-age exceptions) Consent cannot be given when one individual is in a position of trust or has authority, someone is dependent on another, or someone is exploiting the other Consent also not assumed when person has severe mental or physical disabilities

What are the 3 types of freezing regarding brain responses to sexual assault and harassment

Detection freezing - occurs when situation dramatically changes and you notice something is not right Stopping behaviours and thoughts (aka network reset) - prepares brain to receive new information and generate response options; may not be remembered by individual Shocked freezing - lasts longer than a couple of seconds; tends to be remembered; usually follow network reset response; brain doesn't generate any options for action

Unhealthy behaviours; Blanket statements and generalizations

Do not acknowledge nuances in your argument, dismiss your perspective, invalidate experiences

Rates of sexual assault in Canada

During 2009 in Canada, over 14,105 police-reported victims of level 1 sexual assault aged 15 years and older In 2013 about 21,300 sexual assaults were reported to the police Level 2 and level 3 sexual assaults made up 2% and less than 1% of the total (15,500) sexual offence police reports in Canada in 2009 Yet according to the most recent General Social Survey (GSS) which collects self-report data, there were about 677,000 incidents of sexual assault in Canada in the year 2009 *Discrepancies in reporting*

How to help a friend in a violent relationship

Engage in positive, calm conversations - avoid being preachy Be supportive Focus on the unhealthy behaviours Do not place blame on your friend Remember your friend is an autonomous individual who can make their own decisions Offer solutions Be open for more conversation in the future

Prevalence estimates

Estimates based on % of surveyed individuals

Incidence estimates

Estimates based on documented instances

Rape

Forced sexual intercourse (vaginal or anal) with an individual without their consent

What social norms are taught to young people? Common messages for men:

Get laid, lots, by many women Get them drunk/high/loose first Tell them what they want to hear (I love you, I'll never stray) Don't worry about whether she gets off - she won't care

What is missing from the consent conversation?

How the narrative of sexual harassment, sexual assault, and consent change depending on race, ethnicity, religion, gender identity, sexual orientation, financial background, ability, or other marginalized identities - consider intersectionality Sexual pleasure and the joy of consent Including men in the conversation of sexual assault and consent Moving consent from beyond the bedroom - physician's office, work, school, home

Not all laws protect victims though...

In Mississippi, domestic violence not considered grounds for getting a divorce as of February 2017 House committee chairman declined to take up the proposal "I think we need to be adopting policies that promote marriage and people sticking together, I have some serious concerns about opening the floodgates any more than they already are," Gipson said. "I think the floodgates are already open and this just tears the dam down." - Andy Gipson, Chairman

What is rape culture?

In general, the way we think and talk about sexual assault in our society How we think about incidents -Where they occur (parties, in homes, on the street, etc.) -What happens during (i.e., type of assault) How we think about victims -Type of victim (e.g., male, female, young, old, etc.) -To blame for incident or not? E.g., slut shaming How we think about perpetrators -Stranger, known to victim, type of person (e.g., male, female, etc.) -Punishment, sentencing

Police-reported sexual assaults in Canada before and after #MeToo, 2016 and 2017

Increase in reports following #MeToo movement in October 2017 25% more victims coming forward in three months following Average number of reports increased from 59/day to 74 /day Not likely due to increase, but due to comfort/willingness to report Could also been to due to increased awareness of what constitutes as sexual assault/harassment

Effects of rape culture

Increased likelihood of: Crimes taking place Victim blaming Low reporting rates Not questioning the behaviour of perpetrators Low conviction rates

Mutually non-consensual sex

Is it possible for two people to simultaneously sexually assault each other? Both are drunk/high during the sexual encounter - cannot legally consent due to being intoxicated Both have to label the encounter as assault and make the decision to identify it as such and act on that decision (i.e., report the incident to the authorities)

People get away with these crimes...

James Deen - porn star who was nominated for industry awards Casey Affleck - awarded Best Actor award at Oscars Jared Leto - nominated for awards, successful actor and musician Jian Gomeshi - acquitted of all charges Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Morgan Freeman, Woody Allen, Marlon Brando, etc. etc. etc..... ...until #Timesup and #MeToo came along

Men can be assaulted by both men & women

January 2017: Brogan Gillard (26 years old) in jail after posting Snapchat photos and videos of "ritualized humiliation" sex attack on amateur male footballer 68.6% men who report sexual victimization describe female perpetrators 19-31% male college students reported unwanted sexual contact, usually from women

Messages we tell men and women

Julia Serano (2007) takes issue with unilateral sexism within sexual harassment, abuse, and rape Strong belief in society that men are oppressors and woman are oppressed, end of story -Predator/prey mindset - men can only be aggressors and women only sexual objects -This position assumes men are inherently oppressive, dominating, and violent -Creates sexual double standards e.g., women who ogle men not met with same social sanctioning; male and female teachers who violate students -Men not viewed as legitimate sexual objects, and women not viewed as legitimate sexual aggressors - what are the implications here? Others believe problem is rooted in patriarchy and male socialization conspiring men to become sexually aggressive and sexual predators - but this is not the only force in their lives, and not all men turn out this way Belief that men are inherently predators affects how their interactions with women and children are viewed

Do people understand consent?

Many individuals confused and conflicted - poor education on topic? 2012 adults aged 18-95 years surveyed about consent and sexual assault by Planned Parenthood People don't really agree on what consent is, when it should happen, and what the consequences are when it doesn't -27% women and 19% men thought consent should be given at each step -% women and 64% men said one-time sex doesn't mean consent in future -Women less likely to buy into rape myths -Signs of consent?: 37% getting a condom; 35% taking one's clothes off; 24% nodding in agreement; 22% engaging in foreplay

Sexual assault

Non-consensual sexual experiences, including unwanted touching, oral sex, anal and vaginal intercourse, and sexual violence

Embracing being a victim of sexual assault

Not everyone who is assaulted adopts label of "victim" - some people do not know they were "victimized", others prefer to take a resilience/strengths-based identity as "survivor" Embracing status of oppression or affliction can be helpful - people can get the protection and care they need However, staying in this state too long can lead to: -Disengagement from life and avoidance of the future -Development of sense of helplessness -Cultivation of external locus of control (belief that what happens is beyond one's ability to affect) -> more stress, more anxiety, less resiliency

Julia Serano (2007) also argues that the predator stereotype put on men complicates and constrains male sexuality

Occurs as much as it constrains women's - painted as either "virgins" or "wh*res" -"As*holes" fulfill "man-as-aggressors" stereotype; "nice guys" are ones who refuse or eschew it -Men receive conflicting messages though - told to be respectful of women (be the nice guy), but in order to get female attention you have to be aggressive (be the a*shole) -Further, many women fall for the "as*hole", saying they're just not attracted to the "nice guys" - can create situations where nice guys take on the as*hole role, depending on their desires

Perpetrators of sexual assault

Only 25% of sexual assaults committed against women in 2011 were done so by an unknown male; majority of sexual assault cases, perpetrator is known to the victim perpetrators are often friends, acquaintances, or neighbours of the victims

Theories about why we blame victims: Fundamental attribution error

Overemphasizing personal characteristics and ignoring situational factors in judging others' behaviour -You tripped and stumbled? You must be clumsy -I tripped and stumbled? That curb is too high Also blaming helps dispel discomfort and pain

Domestic violence murder victims and perpetrators

Overwhelmingly more men kill women Women most likely to be killed by partners or ex-partners When men kill partners or ex-partners, usually follows long history of abusing them When women kill male partners or ex-partners, usually follows long history of being abused by them

Defining sexual conset

Permission for something sexual to happen or agreement to do something sexually with another person

Potential benefits of reporting:

Personal empowerment, validation, perpetrator accountability, chance to prevent perpetrator from offending against others

Recognizing variations and limits with communication about consent Suggestions for improving education, campaigns, and everyday conversations about consent

Provide historical information about consent - ideas about consent have changed over time, which shows consent is not static and immune to social influence Discuss cultural variations in directness - cultivate awareness of range of possible styles of communication Recognize differences in understanding and communication, and that language/conversation can be ambiguous

Unhealthy behaviours: Name-calling

Quick and easy way to put someone down, degrade, insult intelligence, appearance, or behaviour

Report on barriers to reporting sexual assault

Report by West Coast LEAF and YWCA Metro Vancouver (2018) About 90% of sexual assault victims are women Only about 5% assaults reported to police, 11% of those reported eventually lead to conviction

Barriers to conviction

Reporting - low report rates; fear of authority figures; fear of not being believed Collecting evidence - scary to go to the hospital, to do a rape kit, there might not be evidence to collect, there might not be enough Going to court - sometimes have to see the perpetrator, lawyers bring up a persons behaviour and sexual past (re-victimization) Difficulty in proving non-consent - evidence may show sexual contact occurred, but not that it was non-consensual Statute of limitations - varying amount of time someone can be charged with a crime

Other approaches to changing rape culture and decreasing rates of sexual assault

Self defence classes Educating young people (boys and girls) on healthy relationships, etc. Government interventions - #WhoWillYouHelpSK Apps like USAFE from the U of S Sharing sexual assault stories Raising awareness around drinking culture Public marches - Take Back the Night, Slut Walk Bystander interventions Address social norms related to rape culture, consent, etc. Hold perpetrators accountable

Consent-based pleasure perspective Key elements to this approach:

Self-awareness of your own desires, to know when you do and don't want something Recognizing that consent has levels, not just related to certain touch or sex - boundaries and communication can also be considered Asking for consent in different facets of our lives takes practice - may feel awkward at first "No is a complete sentence" - you do not need to follow up with an apology or explanation Giving consent means you're in control, and also means you can take it back

Impact of sexual assault on victims

Severe emotional reactions - guilt, shame, fear, numbness, shock, isolation Distress lasts months afterwards, sometimes gradually improving Reports of anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, sexual problems Self-blame - perpetuated by rape myth culture Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Date rape

Sexual assault by someone known to the victim *More frequent than sexual assault by a stranger

Sexual assault and Canadian law

Sexual assault is an umbrella term for a variety of behaviours, including rape; often conflated with rape In 1983, three levels of sexual assault: Level 1: any form of sexual activity forced on another person (no consent), or non-consensual bodily contact for a sexual purpose (e.g., kissing, touching, oral sex, vaginal or anal intercourse); punishable up to 10 years in prison if convicted Level 2: sexual assault where perpetrator uses or threatens with weapon, threatens loved ones of victim, causes bodily harm to victim, or commits assault with another assailant (multiple assailants); punishable up to 14 years in prison if convicted Level 3: Aggravated sexual assault, assault with wounds, maims, disfigurement, victim's life endangered; punishable up to life in prison if convicted

Info on reporting sexual assault

Sexual assaults almost always traumatic Victim is not to blame Medical care should be obtained immediately Complete forensic examination Report assault to police Provide support and encouragement Do not pressure individuals to take action Medication within 72 hours to prevent HIV/AIDS Plan B to prevent pregnancy

Common rape myths

She was drinking, she asked for it. Look at what she was wearing... She/he kissed me, they wanted more. We've hooked up before. She is my wife. It is her marital duty. She didn't resist, so she must have been into it. She/he never said no or stop. She has some major daddy issues and is lying

Victims of sexual assault

Vast majority are cis-gender women, aged 15-24 years But men can also be victims -Not until amendments to the Criminal Code of Canada in 1983 that men were even considered victims of rape or sexual assault -While the self-reported sexual assault victimization of men is lower than for women (15 vs. 34 per 1,000 in 2009), Canadian police-reported data in 2010 showed that males accounted for 12% of sexual assault victims

"Gray" areas of consent

Term suggests sometimes the line between sexual consent and sexual assault is unclear e.g., may have misinterpreted body language In a 2007 Cosmopolitan article, "gray rape" was described as "sex that falls somewhere between consent and denial" due to "casual hookups, missed signals, and alcohol" -Suggests people who were date raped simply called it rape after the fact because they regretted their behaviour, or things were fuzzy due to drugs/alcohol Critiqued by Lisa Jervis (2007) as a "disgusting, destruction, victim-blaming cultural construct that encourages women to hate themselves, doubt themselves, take responsibility for other people's criminal behaviour, fear of their desires, and distrust in personal instincts" -Leads victims to be confused, feel guilty, feel ashamed, believe they should have done something to stop the rape -Some individuals prefer not to identify rape due to the stigma attached and victim blaming -Perpetuates victim-blaming culture

Suggested ways to react if someone suggests you have violated their consent:

Thank them for telling you Validate their experience Avoid getting defensive - try to listen first Be open, curious, and compassionate - it is possible you did not know you violated consent Try to reflect and ask questions before responding Explain your point of view If you apologize, make sure it is sincere and not just to get out of the uncomfortable situation Ask what you could have done differently Try to view this as a learning experience, not meant to tear you down Remember, they may not want to press charges, but instead help you learn and change your behaviour moving forward

Neurobiology of trauma

Trauma triggers release of cortisol and adrenaline, which can alter neurophysiology of the brain -Left-prefrontal cortex shrinks in size, diminishing language capacity -Hippocampus unable to accurately process information and consolidate memories -Amygdala prevents rational thought, triggers anger and fear

Why some people don't report

Trauma, PTSD Lack of certainty that assault took place Fear of not being believed Fear of being blamed

Unhealthy behaviours: Convert and overt threats

Try to instill fear in your about consequences of non-compliance

Sexual harassment

Unwanted sex-related behaviours that are considered offensive, threatening, or demeaning

Unhealthy behaviours: Projection

Unwilling to see own shortcomings, avoid being held accountable Defense mechanism to displace responsibility of own negative behaviour and traits by putting them onto someone else

Unhealthy behaviours: Nonsensical conversations

Using "word salad", circular conversations, hominem arguments (logical fallacy where argument rebutted by attacking character, motive, or other attributes), projection, gaslighting, etc. to get you off track Discredit, confuse, and frustrate you, distract from main problem

Examples of false rape accusations in the media

We see cases show up in the media in countless ways: November 2018 - one of Kavanaugh's accusers admitted to making up her tale that he raped her in the back seat of a car as a "tactic" to derail his confirmation into the Supreme Court -Other accusers did not change their stories -Did she actually make this up? Or did she just say she did for the media? -What are the implications of this story? October 2018 - young women (referred to as "mean girls") falsely accuse teen of sexual assault in Pennsylvania; family seeks damages (lawsuit) -Implications for the accused? -Implications for the accusers? -Implications for the community? Society?

Sexual assault perpetrated by women

While the rates of sexual assault perpetrated by women are considerably lower compared to men [estimated at a ratio of 20:1] these incidents are hardly non-existent. -In Canada, about 5% of all sexual offences are female perpetrated sexual assaults, generally committed against young boys -Understanding of female sexual assault perpetrators is low and rates likely underestimated -Social and cultural constructions of women as nurturing, protective, and non-aggressive sexually may partly explain the trivialization of sexual assault committed by women as well as the lack of detection and disclosure of these crimes

Why should we learn about interpersonal violence?

You may know someone who is experiencing it You may not know how to appropriately respond if someone discloses You may hold myths and misconceptions e.g., separation = safety You may be contributing to the issue subtly e.g., perpetuating myths, not understanding underlying causes of behaviours, not understanding societal power structures You can help make a difference

Sexual violence

any sexual act, attempt to obtain a sexual act, unwanted sexual comments or advances, or acts to traffic, or otherwise directed, against a person's sexuality using coercion, by any person regardless of their relationship to the victim, in any setting, including but not limited to home and work.

Recognizing variations and limits with communication about consent Framing consent as "simple" and "straightforward" and as a "yes means yes" and "no means no" may be problematic as it:

dismisses those who use non-verbal communication Ignores individuals beliefs, behaviours, communication patterns suggests ethical interaction occurs only when people eliminate ambiguity leaves room for perpetrators to say "it was a simple misunderstanding" or in cases of "yes means yes", "She didn't say no"

Barriers to reporting included:

socio-cultural attitudes (victim blaming, stereotypes, stigma, skepticism), lack of faith in justice system, personal repercussions (perpetrator retaliation, privacy violations, impact on financial security/employment, legal ramifications) Most feel risks and costs of reporting outweigh potential benefits