Psych 275 Test #1, Lecture #2 Love

Principles for Loving Assumptions—Uncle Bijan

1. Needs to acquire healthy level of "self confidence", 2. One has to be the "sex appropriate" friend/partner, 3. One needs to be "emotionally indispensable" to the other by meeting emotional needs, 4. An individual is considered being "in love" when satisfying the "emotional needs" of his/her partner becomes the ultimate "emotional necessity"

Agape

An altruistic, giving, and non-demanding side of love. Agape love is the unconditional love of parents for their children. It is an unselfish love with unconditional affirmation for the other person

Disappointment—Stage 2 of Trial and Error Theory

Begins with the removal of the rose-colored glasses. Partners may realize that their lives have NOT really been transformed & they clearly see a lot of their differences

Theory of Need for Validation (acceptance)—Lawrence Casler

Casler believes "love is a learned response" that develops and links the couple together because of the human need for acceptance and confirmation. We tend to attach ourselves to those who accept us and do not try to undermine us.

Falling In Love—Stage 1 of Trial and Error Theory

Characterized by excitement, emotional highs, good feelings about oneself and one's partner. A general feeling that the new love will (has) transform(ed) one's life. Partners strive to put their best foot forward and usually perceive through "rose-colored" glasses

Best Friend Love

Characterized by its gradual development (trial and error) through companionship, rapport, self revelation, mutual sharing, and dependency

Empty Love—Triangular Theory of Love

Commitment without intimacy and/or passion. In Western cultures, this type of love can be seen as a burned out relationship; however in cultures with arranged marriages it can be seen as the first step in a marriage

Intimacy Need Fulfillment

Common characteristics of deeper needs and their fulfillment are apparent. The relationship is felt satisfactory along with fulfilled loving desires

Consummate Love—Triangular Theory of Love

Complete love with the presence of Intimacy, Passion & Commitment. Although it seems easy to attain and many people seek it, consummate love is quite hard and challenging to attain and maintain

Acceptance—Stage 3 of Trial and Error Theory

Couple brings relationship into some kind of balance. They try to reevaluate their satisfaction (gratification toward excessive satisfaction) and work out their differences

"Imago" Theory of Love—H. Hendrix

Expression of "love" evolves within the families, cultures and early childhood socializations as children grow. Further at the stage of "development of love" one may realize that all those turmoil of earlier stages were worthwhile. Hendrix believes that everyone carries with themselves the desire to recall "incidents" as their parent behaved toward them during their very early childhood; or "acts" that they were forbidden to do as a children.

Theory of Trial and Error—Goldstein

Goldstein suggests that there are 3 stages of love— 1. Falling in Love, 2. Disappointment, 3. Acceptance

Possessive Love

High dependency characteristics and produces negative consequences. Partners are unable to control their intense emotions, so they become very demanding and controlling and expect total dependency from their lover. Usually will alternate between excitement, despair, devotion, and jealously. Almost always accompanied with bitter breakups

Non-love—Triangular Theory of Love

If intimacy, passion, and commitment are all absent then love doesn't exist. Instead it's a casual, superficial, uncommitted relationship exists between people who are probably just acquaintances, not even friends

Second part of the "Imago" Theory of Love

Indicates that "adult's intimate" relationships usually evolve in the same patterns as their earlier childhood socialization. Adults often get stuck in one level of their own "developed imago." Whereas children and teenagers, while maturing and developing intimate relationships will express varieties of those "Imago" templates

First part of the "Imago" Theory of Love

Indicates that as adults we usually carry our subconscious a figurative template (prototype model) called Imago. Within our Old Brain, we store all of the past events, either good or bad from our very early childhood which we perceived as the characteristics of our parents. The "imago" helps us to process the necessary tasks for our "personality development" through expressing those hidden desires as we meet a new person who fits our "Imago template." When our "Imago" fits with his/hers, type of personality then we feel a strong mutual attraction toward that person. The later conscious practicing mental template activity is our New Brain.

Companionate Love—Triangular Theory of Love

Intimacy and Commitment without Passion to form love for a close companion. Companionate love seems to endure longer than passionate love for most people. Closeness, communication, and sharing are combined with emotional investment to create and maintain a deep and long term friendship

Liking—Triangular Theory of Love

Liking occurs in friendships with real closeness and warmth, with high intimacy but very low passion/commitment

Theory of Mature Love—Eric Fromm

Love is a paradox of two people becoming one, yet remaining two. "Mature love" according Fromm is characterized by an unselfish interest in each other; placing the self's needs second as compared to the lover's needs. Four basic reciprocal elements necessary in order for mature love to develop: care, responsibility, respect & knowledge. Couples who share all of the above elements for mature love are in a "pair-bonded" reciprocal relationship.

Logical Love

Love is concentrated on practical values, realistically viewed along with a "shopping list" and associated with fair exchanges between partners

"Lost and Found" Love

Love is lost when one partner dies and the other partner has to cope with the loss. For surviving partners, a new relationship may develop after the emotional interpersonal conflicts have settled, thus another love is accepted and a vivacious life may re-start.

Game Playing Love

Love is seen as a challenging contest with a total lack of commitment and often associated with being self centered, amusing, and self-confident

Unselfish Love

Love that is observed between parent and child. Unconditional caring and nurturing at the highest level, sometimes with self-sacrifices. Associated with the belief that love is found through giving

Self Revelation

Partners share more and more about their thoughts and feelings. They disclose and reveal more information about themselves, such as their definition of Love, Commitment, etc.

Rapport

Partners struck by the feeling that they have known each other before, and they are comfortable with each other. Thus, they want to deepen their relationship. May be enhanced or inhibited by social and/or cultural factors

Fatuous (foolish) Love—Triangular Theory of Love

Passion and Commitment without Intimacy create a foolish experience. This type of love can occur in "brief and hasty" kinds of courtship in which two partners marry quickly on the basis of overwhelming passion but do not know each other very well. These lovers invest a lot in each others' without any foresight

Mutual Dependency

Sharing becomes more intimate and there is a feeling of loss when the partners are not present. Partners start depending both physically and emotionally on the info provided within the previous stage

Triangular Theory of Love—Robert Sternberg

Sternberg suggests that there are three significant "Interactive Components" for love to develop; they include Intimacy, Passion & Commitment. A triangular formation is created by the interactions of all 3 components, a portion of the 3, or the absence of the 3

Eros

The physical and sexual aspects of loving, wanting and desiring another person only physically and being obsessed with mixing Love and Sex

The "Lost" Love

The widowed partner has a unique "devotion" for his/her lost lover, thus remains permanently preoccupied with memories and the thoughts of his/her vitalized loving partnership. The death of a partner will not change the romantic memories of the past. The widowed lover remains totally committed to those past romantic enchantments and will deny any other romantic gestures, since no one else is allowed to occupy the "lost love's" space

Wheel Theory of Love—Ira Reiss

This theory explains the advancement of love through four sequential (developmental) stages of 1. Rapport 2. Self-revelation, 3. Mutual dependency & 4. Intimacy need fulfillment. The forces of love will turn the wheel forward

Romantic Love—Triangular Theory of Love

When high intimacy and passion occur without commitment. Romantic love can be a combination of liking and infatuation. Ex. summer love affair can be very romantic, even when both lovers know that it is going to end when summer is over

Infatuation—Triangular Theory of Love

When people experience strong passion in the absence of intimacy and/or commitment. When they are passionately aroused and painfully preoccupied with someone who they barely know, they are infatuated

Jealousy (Love's often hidden companion)

Within the intimate relationship, may be defined as a "state of being resentfully suspicious of a loved one's behavior toward a suspected rival." May cause major relationship issues with insecure individual. Culturally cued though our socialization

Romantic Love

"In love with love itself" which encompasses such ideas as "love at first sight" "the one and only love" "life-long commitment" "I can't live without you" "the perfect mate"—likely to lead to disappointment when partners' "real persons" emerge later in the relationship. Will turn toward infatuation and might gradually fade. Difficult to maintain, partner always in search of romantic ideals. Characterized by urgency for physical and emotional merging

Unrequited Love

(Not yielding nor recognizing the emotions, feelings and compassion of a secret lover) Most painful kind of love, a one-sided love affair. The self proclaimed lover becomes frustrated when his/her passion/sentiment is not reciprocated. Eventually, this "handicapped love" becomes a self defeating form of love.

Philos

(brother/sister love) a form of deep and enduring friendship type of love. Philos is very important for society's affairs and humanity's survival love