The Bear Lines

Because... because... It's none of your business why!

Are you getting scared? Is that it? Aha, that's it! Oh no, you won't get out of this so easily! Come on, we're going outside! I won't rest until I put a bullet through that head of yours — that head I hate so! What's the matter, are you a coward?

It's about time we got rid of old prejudices about only men needing to defend themselves on the field of honor! If it's equality you want, then it's equality you get! I challenge you to a duel!

You want to fight a duel! Good! Let's fight!

And I'm in a sad mood too, because if I don't meet my mortgage payment tomorrow, they'll foreclose on my property! I'll lose my shirt!

You'll have your money the day after tomorrow.

Ah, pardon, I seem to be upsetting you! Lovely weather we're having! And me, me, don't you look lovely in black!

You're being very stupid and not funny.

That's it, I'm a coward.

You're lying! Why don't you want to fight?

And just who said you could insult me like that?

You're right, I am insulting you! What about it? You think I'm afraid of you?

No.

All right! (Rings bell) Luka, will you please show this gentleman out?

To the field of honor! Nobody insults me like that! Not even a woman!

(At the same time) Bear! Bear! Bear!

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Haye you ever seen a woman who.was faithful and true? No, you haven't!-The only honest and faithful "women are old or ugly.

.Excuse me, but would you mind telling me just who you think is faithful and true? Men?

I did, but he doesn't want to listen, says it's very important

And I said I see no one!

Time to choose weapons!

And just because you've got big fists and a bull neck, you think I'm afraid of you? You... you bear!

And I also no uncertain terms that I need the money today, not the day after tomorrow. If you don't pay me today, I might as well hang myself by the day after, tomorrow.

But what can I do, since I don't have the money?

Oh my God! Oh, mother of God! I'm dying! I'm dying! I can't breathe!

Dasha! Where's Dasha? Dasha! Pelegea! Dasha!

Missus, there's someone wants to see you. Says it can't wait.

Didn't you tell him that my husband is dead and that I see no one?

I need the money today, not the day after tomorrow.

Excuse me; I've already said I cannot pay you today.

Tomorrow I've got to pay the mortgage, start cutting hay, and now you — (Grabs her around the waist.) I'll never forgive myself for this —

Get away from me! Get your hands off me! I ... I hate you! I want to fight the d-d-duel!

I like you! You understand? I think I'm in love with you!

Get away from me! I hate you!

God, what a woman! I've never seen anything like lier in my entire life! I'm done for! I'm caught in her mousetrap!

Get away from me, or I'll shoot!

Because... because... I like you.

He likes me! He dares to tell me he likes me! Just go.

I definitely like this woman! Definitely! So she has dimples — I still like her. I'm almost ready to tell her to forget about the money. And I'm not mad anymore ... What an astonishing woman!

Here're the pistols. But before we have our duel, will you please show me how to use the damn things? I've never even touched one before.

You buried yourself alive, but you didn't forget to powder your nose!

How dare you!! How dare you speak to me like this!

Look, don't you believe I have a mortgage payment due tomorrow? You think I'm joking?

I asked you not to shout! You're not in a stable.

You mean you're not going to pay me? Is that what you mean?

I can't!

Pay me my money and I'll go.

I have told you in no uncertain terms that I have no money here at the moment and you will have to wait until the day after tomorrow.

You wait - ten years from now you're going to want to go swanning after those officers and it'll be too late.

I must ask you never to talk to me like this again! When my husband died, life lost all meaning for me. You know that. I may look like I'm alive, but I'm not. I swore I'd wear black and shut myself up here until the day I die, didn't I? And I will. He'll see how much I loved him ... Oh, I know he treated me badly — I don't have to tell you about it. He was mean and ... and even unfaithful. But I intend to be faithful to the grave and show him what real love means.

What? What did you just call me?

I said you were a bear!

It's been a whole year since you left the house!

I shall never leave this house. Why should I? My life is over. He's dead and buried, and so am I, buried here within these four walls. We're both dead.

Thank you very much. I won't forget this. Am I supposed to take all this lying down? On my way here, I met my accountant. "Why.are you always so down in the dumps?" he asks me. Well, excuse me, he should know! I'm desperate for money! I got up at dawn yesterday and rode around to everyone I know who owes me money, and not a one of them came across! I ran in more circles than a hunting dog, spent die night in some godforsaken fleabag hotel, and finally I get here, fifty miles from home, expect to get paid, and what do I get? "A sad mood"! What kind.of mood do you think that puts me in?

I think I made myself perfectly clear: I'll pay you as soon as my manager gets back from town.

Pay me my money and I'll go!

I will not give you any money!

You will too!

I will not! You won't get one red cent from me! Now please go away!

Don't yell at me - I'm not your manager. But I'm a man, not a woman, and I'm used to calling a spade a spade. And please stop shouting.

I'm not shouting - you are! Will you please go away and leave me alone?

You've made up your mind?

I've made up my mind.

That means you won 't pay me?

It means I can't pay you!

What amazing eyes she's got! What a little spitfire!

Like this?

Oh, my God ...

Luka, go out to the stable and tell them Toby doesn't get extra oats anymore.

I can put a bullet through a coin in the air at twenty-paces... I've got the best horses you'll ever see ... Will you marry me?

Marry you? I intend to shoot you! On the field of honor!

Well, of course, men.

Men! (A mean laugh.) Men are faithful and true in love! Well, spread the, good news! (Hotly.) How dare you say that? Men faithful and true? Let me tell you a thing or two! Of all the men I know or have ever known, my dear departed husband was the best.I loved him passionately, with all my heart and soul, the way only a young and sensitive girl can love; I gave him my youth, my happiness, my life, my money; I lived and breathed for him, I worshiped him, he was my idol, and... and what do you think he did? This best of all possible men betrayed me in the worst possible way: He cheated on me every chance he got. After he died I found boxes and boxes of love letters in his desk! And when he was alive, he'd leave me alone for weeks on end. And he flirted with other women right in front of me, he deceived me, he spent all my money, he laughed at me when I objected. And despite everything, I loved him, and I will be faithful to his memory. Even though he's dead, I am faithful and unshakable. I have buried myself within these four .walls, where I shall mourn him forever. I shall wear black until the day I die.

Oh, I'm mad! I am so mad! Mad enough to blow up the world! Mad enough to get nasty! (Shouts.) Hey, you! (Enter Popova.)

My dear sir, I have lived so long in retirement I have grown unused to the human voice. I cannot stand shouting. I must earnestly beg you to respect my solitude.

I came to see you, not your manager! What the hell — excuse my language - do I want with your manager?'

My dear sir, I will not have such language in my house, nor will I tolerate that tone of voice I refuse to listen to any more of this! (Storms out.)

All right, let's go outside. Only I warn you, I intend to shoot into the air.

Oh, that's the last straw! Why?

I'm out of my mind! I don't understand what's happening...

On the field of honor!

I do so know how to behave in a lady's presence!

No you do not! You are ill-mannered and vulgar! No gentleman would speak like this in front of a lady!

No.

No?

Well?

Nothing, just go! No, I mean, wait... No, go away! Go away! I hate you! I mean, no, don't go! Oh, you make me so mad! (Throws the pistol on the floor.) My finger's all swollen up from that damn thing! (Starts tearing her handkerchief) Well, what are you waiting for? Just get out of here!

I sold him a couple of loads of oats.

Now don't forget what I told you, Luka: You make sure Toby gets his extra oats. (Luka goes out. To Smirnoff) If my husband owed you the money, then of course I'll pay it, but you'll have to excuse me — I don't have any cash on me today. My manager will be back from town the day after tomorrow, and he'll see that you get paid. But today, I'm afraid, I cannot help you. It's exactly seven months today that my husband died, and I'm in a sad mood. I'm in no condition to talk about money.

Just give me my money! Oh, am I mad! Am I MAD!

Of all the nerve! I want nothing more to do with you! Please leave! (Pause) You're still here? You haven't left?

That's just a lot of talk. You'd do better to go out and take a walk' or have me hitch up Toby and go visit the neighbors.

Oh! ('Bursts into hysterical tears.)

Right this minute!

Right this minute! My husband had a set of pistols; wait here, I'll go get them... ******** you! You have no idea what a pleasure it will be for me to put a bullet through your thick head!

Main thing is to keep cool and take slow, careful aim. Try not to let your hand shake.

Right... we shouldn't shoot indoors - let's go outside.

I see. Is that your final word?

That is my final word.

Missus! What is it? For God's sake, what's the matter?

Toby! He used to love Toby so! He'd ride all over the neighborhood on him. What a horseman! Remember how grand he looked in the saddle? Oh, Toby, Toby! Go tell him he gets extra oats today.

I had the pleasure of knowing your late husband, and as it happens, left me two IOUs the total comes to twelve hundred rubles. Now, I have a mortgage payment due tomorrow, so I have to ask you, madam, to pay up. And I'm afraid I need the money today.

Twelve hundred? What did my husband owe you the money for?

!i'm asking you to marry me! Yes or no? Will you? Yes or no? No? Fine!

Wait a minute...

You dingbat, stop trying to talk me out of here! Idiot! (Sees Popova; suddenly very dignified.) Ah, madam. Let me introduce myself: Grigory Stepanovich Smirnoff, Field Artillery, retired. I a place over in the next county. Sorry to disturb you, but this is important —

What can I do for you?

And I've already said I can't wait till the day after tomorrow.

What can I do? I don't *have* the money!

Ah! There dwells the mysterious Tamara, who loved her husband so much she buried herself within four walls ... I know all about your little games.

What? How dare you even suggest anything of the kind!

They all went off berry picking. There's nobody else in the house! Oh, I'm dying! Water!

Will you get out of here?

Exactly.

Will you please go!

Whatever you say, missus.

You see what real love means, Nicky? My love will last as long as I do, right to my last heartbeat. (Laughs, almost crying.) And I hope you're ashamed of yourself. You see what a good girl I am, what a faithful wife? I locked myself up here and will be faithful to you till the day I die, while you... I hope you're ashamed, you little pig. You were mean to me, you cheated on me, you left me alone for weeks at a time -

All right then. Goodbye.

Yes, yes, just go! Where are you going? Wait a minute... Oh, come on back. Oh, I'm so mad! Stay away from me! Stay away from me!

I do not have the pleasure of being either your husband or your fiance, so please stop making scenes for my benefit. I hate that.

You dare sit down?

I didn't ask you about a stable! What I asked you was, "Don't you believe I have a mortgage payment due tomorrow?"

You haven't the faintest idea of how to behave in a lady's presence.

Can't you be a little more polite?

You peasant! You bear! You vulgar bear! Monster! You... RADICAL!