Chapter 3

What is cognitive conservatism?

-the tendency to seek confirmation of an existing self-concept -We seek out people who confirm how we view ourselves (high self-esteem interacts with people who view them favorably; low self-esteem interact with those who view them unfavorably)

What is the presenting self?

-the way we want to appear to others -aka, the public self -includes face, framework, front

What are the characteristics of impression management?

-we construct multiple identities -collaborative -can be deliberate or unconscious

Define back region

-when we are alone, our behavior might be very different -Behavior we would never do in the presence of others

What is the process of the self-fulfilling prophecy?

1. Holding a expectation for myself and others 2. Behaving in accordance with that expectation 3. Expectation happens 4. Reinforces the expectation

How do we manage our front when others are around?

1. Manner 2. Appearance 3. Setting

How does our self-concept depend on our interactions with others?

1. Reflected appraisal 2. Social comparison

What does self-disclosure entail?

1. has the self as the subject 2. is intentional 3. is directed at another person 4. is honest 5. is revealing 6. contains information generally unavailable from other sources 7. gains its intimate nature from the context in which it is expressed

What is our perceived self?

-the person I believe I am when I'm honestly examining myself -aka, the private self because less likely to share this with another person (like feelings that I'm unattractive or goals that I want to be rich)

Describe the breadth

-the range of subjects discussed -Example: better relationship with colleague once I reveal information about my life outside of work

What is self-esteem?

-the part of the self-concept that involves evaluations of self-worth -How I feel about the qualities of my self-concept

What is self-disclosing information?

- when someone intentionally communicates information about the self to another person 1. Contains personal information about the sender 2. Sender communicates that information verbally 3. Another person is the receiver

Is the disclosure appropriate?

-Possible to share too much information — with strangers, in classroom or on social media -Possible to withhold too much information — doctor's appointment, marriages

How do breadth and depth affect relationships?

-Casual relationship: has breadth but no depth -Intimate relationship: has high breadth and depth

Loss of influence

-Confessing a weakness means I have less control over how the person views me -Example: telling someone I'm sarcastic to build myself up and tear others down

Self-validation

-Disclosing information so that listener approves means I want to confirm a belief I have about myself -Can seek confirmation about parts of my self-concept

Negative impression

-Disclosure might affect other people's opinions of me -Example: I tell someone I've never dated someone before, and that person says that means I'm unattractive or unlikable

What does our self-concept include?

-Emotional state, talents, likes, dislikes, values, roles, physical appearance -Depends on the person: what is most important for me might not be person for another person

What is the Johari Window Model?

-Frame divided into: things I know about myself, things I don't know about myself, things others know about me, things they don't know

Is the risk reasonable?

-Pros of disclosure must outweigh the cons -Might be harmful to open myself up to someone who is certain to reject me or ridicule me -If I know my partner will respect the information, I'm more likely to disclose

How do people's messages shape my self-concept positively or negatively?

-Receive supportive messages = learn to value myself (ex: Professor Furnas continuously compliments me on my writing abilities, which makes me feel competent and worthy as a journalism major) -Receive criticism = feel less valuable, loving and capable (ex: high school classmate called me awkward, so decreased self-esteem and consider myself to by shy)

How is the self-concept subjective?

-How we view ourselves might be different than how others view us -People are poor judges of their communication skills -Some people view themselves as more positive than others do -Some people have long-term states of self-doubt and self-criticism, which influences communication with others

Rejection

-If I tell someone who I am, they might not like me -Fear of disapproval -Example: tell someone I'm in love with that person and then they reject you — making myself vulnerable is painful and risky

What kinds of reference groups do we compare ourselves to?

-Inappropriate reference groups (ex: compare myself to model and develop eating disorder because negative appraisal of my body) -Comparing myself to peers on social media leads to depression and lowered self-esteem (despite the fact that these people created idealized images/versions of themselves, so not realistic)

How does the self-concept develop?

-Infants start developing self-concept at about 6 or 7 months — rudimentary sense of identity -Perception of self matures and develops as social interactions increase

Silence

-Keep thoughts and feelings to myself -Withholding information is better response in the workplace than lying or deceiving

Is impression management ethical?

-Managing impressions doesn't make me a liar (ex: acting confidently during job interview even though I'm nervous) -Part of being a competent communicator is choosing the best role to play based on the situation: decide which part of myself I want to reveal in order to be effective communication

How do we have multiple identities?

-Many roles each day: funny friend, helpful worker, respectful student -Many roles in one relationship: critic, friend and lover for bf -our identities may conflict with one another (ex: people see being warm/friendly and smart/competent as distinct, so people play dumb to be liked) -my multiple roles and identities all represent me

Hurting another person

-Might be beneficial for me at the cost of offending others -Example: tell my boyfriend I find him unattractive because of the acne — get to end relationship but insults him

Is other person important to me?

-Might want to keep relationship going because of past disclosure -Might have less personal relationship with someone, so motivation to grow closer

How does the sections of the frame intersect?

-Open area: information the other person and I both know -Blind area: information I don't know but other people do (learn about it through feedback from other people) -Hidden area: information I know but aren't willing to reveal to others (becomes public through self-disclosure) -Unknown: information neither I nor the other person know

How is the self-concept flexible?

-People change depending on the context, and these changes influence self-concept -Change with certain people, in certain situations or in different years of our lives -Example: relaxed conversationalist with people I know but loss for words with strangers

Why do people choose these acts as alternatives to self-disclosure?

-People choose them because helps them more easily manage difficult situations -People who engage in these acts are communication competent -Other times, honesty (even though can be painful) is right approach

How are some forms of equivocation partial truths?

-People tell partial truths because they allow people to maintain an image of themselves as honest and trustworthy -Still offends the receiver when he or she finds out the truth -Example: go out for drinks with coworkers even though I told my boyfriend I'd be home right after work and my excuse is that someone needed to discuss personal problems (was discussed at the table but not why I went out) — deception

How does our self-esteem influence communication?

-People with high self-esteem are more likely to have positive communication with others because they have positive expectations about communication and are more likely to be successful at the communication, which causes a self-evaluation that reinforces their high self-esteem -People with low self-esteem post negative messages on social media, so people are less likely to respond, which reinforces the negative self-esteem

Availability of information

-Person who receives the information must not have known the information at the time or could have gotten it from another source -Example: telling someone about drunk driving accident is honest and deep, but someone is able to find that information online

What are the characteristics of the self-concept?

-subjective -flexible -resists change

Hinting

-Seeks to get the desired response from the other person -More direct than equivocal message -Some use it to save receiver from being embarrassed -Successful if the other person picks up on the message -Example: rather than telling someone they're too overweight to order cake, say the desserts are too expensive so we cannot order them

Depth

-Self-disclosing statement that is personal and deep instead of surface level -Example: might tell someone about fear of spiders (could be deep for one person but not another)

Honesty in self-disclosure

-Self-disclosure has to be genuine and accurate -Must paint a complete picture of myself

Are lying, hinting and equivocations ethical?

-Some say morality comes from judging the motive, not the act -Can ask whether the effects of the lie are worth the deception — if the message is truly in the receiver's favor

Will it be constructive?

-Some topics are sensitive and can be devastating to receiver -Example: I always thought you were incompetent in school

Moral obligation

-Sometimes, people disclose information because they feel morally obligated to do so -Example: telling healthcare provider I am HIV positive to get the appropriate care

Context of sharing

-Statement might qualify as being self-disclosing based on the setting -Example: when student shares personal information about family life with the class, it seems more disclosing

Is the disclosure reciprocated?

-Unequal self-disclosure creates unbalanced relationship with potential issues -If I share, expectation that the other should share too

Relationship maintenance and enhancement

-We like people better when they disclose personal information -We reveal more information about ourselves with those we like -We like others more after we disclose to them -Self-disclosure is related to marital satisfaction

What is a significant other?

-a person whose evaluations influence our self-concepts -Messages from parents, friends, siblings, teachers, romantic partners and acquaintances affect how we view ourselves

What is a benevolent lie?

-another kind of mistruth that doesn't have malicious intent but that are sometimes helpful to the person they are told to -Example: justification for lying is avoiding interaction: "I wish I could hang out tonight, but I have to study."

Is impression management honest?

-can be manipulative: misrepresenting ourselves to gain others' trust (ex: pretending to be affectionate to get sexual favors) -can be deceptive online: pretending to be a different gender or person or giving false information -important to balance real and online selves

What are the benefits of disclosure?

-catharsis -self-clarification -self-validation -reciprocity -impression formation -relationship maintenance and enhancement -moral obligation

What are the levels of depth in self-disclosure?

-cliches: ritualized responses to social situations, which is the opposite of self-disclosure and are not revealing of someone -Facts: still needs to be intentional, significant and otherwise unknown (ex: I dropped out of school) -Opinions: give more valuable information about a person than facts -Feelings: most revealing (ex: I feel hurt that you aren't telling me what's on your mind)

Manner

-communicator's words and nonverbal actions -Whether the messages I send are intentional

Why is it difficult to change good and bad self-perceptions?

-difficult to change a favorable self-perception I used to have (ex: used to be hardworking student before so difficult to admit I have been slacking off) -Hard to abandon past unfavorable self-perception (ex: hard to belief compliments from others about who I am now when I am stuck on a self-perception that denies myself validation and friendships I deserve)

What is social comparison?

-evaluating ourselves in comparison to others -Decide whether we are inferior or superior (affects self-esteem) and similar or different (affects self-concept) when we compare ourselves to others

How is impression management deliberate?

-highly aware we are managing our impressions -ex: job interview or first date

What are the factors of self-disclosure?

-honesty -depth -availability of information -context of sharing

What are the guidelines for self-disclosure

-if person is important to me -if risk of disclosing is reasonable -if self-disclosure is appropriate -if it's reciprocated -if the effect is constructive

What is equivocation?

-not lies but cleverly avoid an unpleasant truth -More polite except recipients are usually able to discern the intended meaning -Most people equivocate rather than tell a lie -Example: using "interesting" instead of saying someone messed up a painting — vague response

Why do some people have distorted self-concepts?

-obsolete information: past academic or social failures can cause people to believe they will fail in the future -distorted feedback: from critical parents, cruel classmates, uncaring teachers, demanding employers, rude strangers -perfectionism: belief that we or others are perfect distorts self-concept -social expectations: society rewards those who downplay their strengths

What is the self-fulfilling prophecy?

-occurs when a person's expectations of an event and resulting behavior based on expectations make the outcome more likely to occur -demonstrates that our self-concept influence future behavior too

How is impression management unconscious?

-performing in ways we are not aware of -like engaging in facial mimicry only in the presence of other people -We want to send messages to others and manage impressions of ourselves through our behavior

Appearance

-personal items people use to shape an image -choose clothing that sends a message about ourselves: I'm wealthy, I'm trendy, I'm a professional (suit), I'm athletic

Setting

-physical items we use to influence how others view us -The items we use every day send messages about what kind of people we are -Example: the car we drive, how we decorate our homes, the music I play

What is reflected appraisal?

-reflects others' judgements and the messages they send me throughout my life -Other people's messages shape my self-concept

What are the risks of self-disclosure?

-rejection -negative impression -decrease in relational satisfaction -loss of influence -loss of control -hurting another

What are the types of self-fulfilling prophecies?

-self-imposed: when my own expectations influence my behavior (ex: say it will be a good day, so communicate in ways that bring about good things) -When one person's expectations dictate another person's actions (ex: teachers are told a group of children have the potential for intellectual growth, so the teachers give them special treatment, like more time to answer questions and more feedback, so the children received the message that they were capable and thus increased their IQ ****observers have to communicate that belief though)

What are alternatives to disclosure?

-silence -lying -equivocation -hinting

How does impression management happen on social media?

-social media lacks posture, facial expressions, gestures and tone without physical presence of others, so easier to manage impressions (have more time to choose and think about the messages I construct - how humorous, serious, ambiguous I want it to be) -people tend to portray themselves on social media in ways that conform with gender roles -People think the self they portray online is better than their selves in reality (idealized images to appear more liked)

Self-Clarification

Clarify beliefs, opinions, thoughts, attitudes and feelings by talking about them with another person

What is an example of self-esteem and self-concept?

My self-concept: I am a quiet, contemplative, hardworking person My self-esteem: whether I like these qualities or not

Decrease in relational satisfaction

Example: My boyfriend tells me he hates hanging out with Hannah, but I tell him she's my best friend so am angry at him

What is the basis of this chapter?

How we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us influence our communication with people

Impression formation

Men and women are perceived as more attractive when the self-disclose in conversations

How does self-concept resist change?

Our self-concept should reflect how we have changed with time, but our self-concepts are much slower to change, so doesn't always reflect this

What is privacy management?

people choose to reveal or conceal information about themselves

Catharsis

Telling people something can relieves burden of pent-up emotions

How is impression management collaborative?

We perform our multiple identities while others are trying to create their own character, so I am constantly reacting with others

Loss of control

What might happen if the person tells others about the information?

Reciprocity

When one person discloses, increases the likelihood that likely that the other person will reveal personal information because person feels safer

What is impression management?

communication strategies that people use to influence how others view them

What is a lie?

deliberate attempt to hide or misrepresent the truth

What is the social penetration model?

describes relationships based on breadth and depth of self-disclosure

What is an example of this process?

my horoscope tells me I'll meet the love of my life (expectation), so I groom myself nicely and act witty/friendly/admirable/charming (behavior), person is attracted to me and I start a relationship (expectation happens) but credit the horoscope (reinforces expectation)

What are reference groups?

the people we evaluate our own characteristics against

What does self-concept mean?

the relatively stable set of perceptions I have about myself

Describe the depth

the shift from impersonal to personal messages

Define face

the socially acceptable identity we present to others

Define facework

the verbal and nonverbal ways we act to maintain our presenting image

Define front

we maintain face by putting on a front when we are with people we want to impress