chapter 9 and 10

Gay relationships.

- Approximately 5% - 8% of the adult population is homosexual. - Gay relationships have special challenges (e.g., societal disapproval; discrimination). - Gay relationships similar to heterosexual (e.g., love, commitment, satisfaction, success, conflict). - Roles are more equitable (rather than traditional masculine or feminine). - Gays prefer long-term relationships (lesbians more sexually exclusive).

Why are people motivated to marry

- Desire to participate in a socially sanctioned, mutually rewarding, intimate relationship. - Social pressure to adhere to the norm.

The Internet and Relationships

- Expanded relationship opportunities - Positive impact (e.g., lessens social anxiety) • Caution: protect personal info - Are Internet (virtual) relationships as close as face-to-face relationships? • Research: suggests as close and stable as traditional relationships. - Anonymity: may facilitate closeness » Reduces risks associated with self- disclosure. • Assumes persona presented is "honest."

Predictors of marital success

- Family background - people whose parents were divorced more likely to divorce. - Age - those who marry at a younger age are more likely to divorce. - Length of courtship - longer courtships are associated with marital success. - Personality (modest correlations) - • Negative: perfectionism and insecurity loosely associated with marital problems.

Romantic Love as Attachment.

- Hazen and Shaver (1987) draw a connection between attachment patterns early in life and three adult attachment types. - Infant attachment/parenting styles: 1. Secure: warm/responsive 2. Avoidant: cold/rejecting 3. Anxious-ambivalent: ambivalent/ inconsistent

Stability of attachment styles

- Longitudinal studies: show moderate stability over 19 years of life, and later in adulthood. - Attachment styles can be altered by life events (both positive and negative directions).

Remarriage

- Majority of divorced people eventually remarry. - Divorce rates are higher for second marriages. - Remarriage can be difficult for children. - Stepparent-stepchild relations tend to be more negative and distant than parent-child relations in first marriages.

Gender Differences

- Men: more romantic than women; fall in love more easily than women. - Women: fall out of love more easily; would marry without love. - Partner selection: • Women: more selective - Supports "parental investment theory." - Supports sociocultural explanation.

Desirable Personality Characteristics.

- Personal qualities more important than physical traits for future spouses/life partners. - Most desirable personality traits: warmth, good sense of humor, and social assertiveness.

Partner Abuse

- Physical abuse (e.g., kicking or choking) - Emotional abuse (e.g., humiliation, control, withholding money) - Sexual abuse (e.g., using sex to control, manipulate or demean the other)

Correlates of attachment styles

- Securely attached: • Committed, satisfying, interdependent well-adjusted relationships. • Seek and provide support when under stress. • Better mental health. - Insecure styles: lots of problems (e.g., low self-esteem, loneliness, depression).

Culture and Close Relationships

- Views of love and marriage are linked to a country's values and economic health. - In general: • Individualistic cultures: "marriage for love," the ultimate expression of individualism. • Collectivist cultures: arranged marriages by families.

Gender and Sexual Orientation Issues

- Women's friendships: more emotionally- based • Discuss: relationships and feelings - Men's friendships: more activity-based. • Discuss: work, sports, and other activities.

cohabitation

...living together in a sexually intimate relationship without the legal bonds of marriage

Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991) model of adult attachment styles is based on two factors:

1. Attachment anxiety: "how much a person worries that a partner will not be available when needed" 2. Attachment avoidant: "the degree to which a person distrusts a partner's good will and their tendencies to maintain emotional and behavioral distance from a partner

Following social trends have challenged the "traditional" model of marriage:

1. Increased acceptance of singlehood - • Median age people marry has been increasing since 60s. 2. Increased acceptance of cohabitation - "...living together in a sexually intimate relationship without the legal bonds of marriage." 3. Reduced premium on permanence - • Stigma of divorce has decreased; about 45% of marriages end in divorce. 4. Transitions in gender roles - • Role expectations are more varied, flexible and ambiguous. 5. Increased voluntary childlessness. 6. Decline of the "nuclear family."

Why Relationships End

1. Premature commitment. 2. Ineffective communication and conflict management skills. 3. Becoming bored with the relationship. 4. Availability of a more attractive relationship. 5. Low levels of satisfaction.

Conflict in friendships • The 3 steps of repair after conflict in friendship:

1. Reproach - the offended party confronts the offender and asks for an explanation. 2. Remedy - the offender takes responsibility and offers an apology. 3. Acknowledgement - the offended party accepts the apology and the friendship continues.

Adult attachment styles:

1. Secure adults (55% of subjects). 2. Avoidant adults (25% of subjects). 3. Anxious-ambivalent adults (20% of subjects).

Helping Relationships Last

1. Take plenty of time to get to know other person before making long-term commitment. 2. Emphasize positive qualities in your partner and relationship. • Actor-observer effect: "...attribute one's own behavior to situational factors and... behavior of others to personal factors." 3. Find ways to bring novelty to long-term relationships. 4. Develop effective conflict management skills.

Murstein's Stimulus-Value-Role (S-V-R) Theory.

1. The stimulus value stage: is there superficial attraction? If yes, proceed to stage 2. 2. The value comparison stage: are your values compatible? If yes, move to stage 3. 3. The role stage: consider whether the other person fulfills the role of an intimate companion.

Relationship commitment is determined by two factors

1. comparison level for alternatives 2. The investments

paradox of close relationships

Close relationships arouse intense feelings: - Positive (passion, concern, caring) and - Negative (rage, jealousy, despair).

What Makes a Good Friend?

Common theme: good friends provide emotional and social support.

Deciding on a Divorce

Decision to divorce is a complex one; usually result of a long series of smaller events that unfold over a long period of time.

adjusting to Divorce

Divorce more difficult and disruptive to women than men, especially if have children. • Custodial mothers' incomes drop by 36%. • Has more negative impact on men's health and mortality. • Preoccupation with an ex-spouse is also associated with poorer adjustment. • Factors associated with favorable adjustment after a divorce include: - Having higher income. - Getting remarried. - Having more positive attitudes about divorce. - Being the partner who initiated the divorce. - Forgiving ex-spouse.

Divorce

Higher among blacks, lower income couples, cohabitating couples, childless couples, people who marry young, parents are divorced. • Rate of divorce has slightly declined (43-46%). • Most divorces occur during first decade of marriage and usually due to: - Communication difficulties - Infidelity - Jealousy - Growing apart - Foolish spending behavior - Substance abuse

McGoldrick's model

Outlines special challenges couples face as they progress through six stages of family life. 1. Between Families: the Unattached Young Adult. • As people postpone marriage,this stage will likely lengthen. 2. Joining Together: the Newly Married Couple. • This "honeymoon" phase is characterized by high levels of satisfaction. 3. Family with Young Children. • Birth of the first child brings a major transition and potential stress, especially for mothers. • Key to reducing stress during transition is having realistic expectations. 4. Family with Adolescent Children. • Adolescence:rated as most difficult stage of parenting; marital satisfaction at lowest point. • Conflict especially likely between teens (both males and females) and mothers. • Many couples also caring for their aging parents. • Double responsibilities: "sandwich generation." 5. Launching Children into the Adult World. • Also called "empty nest"phase--traditionally thought to create feelings of loss. • Women's roles extend beyond parenthood and now generally associated with greater marital satisfaction. • Problems usually only occur when adult children return to "the nest." • "Boomerang generation" 6. The Family in Later Life. • Marital satisfaction tends to climb in the post parental period; couples have more time to devote to one another. • Continues until spouse's health begins to decline, and/or until a spouse dies.

Two common types of intimate violence

Partner Abuse and Date Rape.

Physical Attractiveness

Plays a key role in face-to-face romantic relationships as well as friendships. Cross-cultural research suggests it is not the most important factor, for both males and females.

The Course of Romantic of Love

Sternberg's theory: predicts that strength of each three components of love varies across time. • Passion peaks early; decreases in intensity. Related to three factors: 1. Fantasy 2. Novelty 3. Arousal • Both intimacy and commitment increase as time progresses.

Theories of love

Sternberg's triangular theory of love: all loving relationships are comprised of some combination of three components: 1. Intimacy - warmth, closeness, and sharing. 2. Passion - intense feelings (both positive and negative), including sexual desire. 3. Commitment - "the decision and intent to maintain a relationship in spite of the difficulties and costs that may arise."

Gender and mate selection preferences

Women: more emphasis on socioeconomic status, intelligence, ambition, and financial prospects. Men: youthfulness; physical attractiveness.

Attractiveness and resource exchange

an evolution-based theory proposing that "in heterosexual dating, males 'trade' occupational status for physical attractiveness in females

family life cycle

an orderly sequence of developmental stages that families tend to progress through.

Close relationships

are those that are important, interdependent, and long lasting

heterosexism

assumption that all individuals and relationships are heterosexual

Actor-observer effect:

attribute one's own behavior to situational factors and... behavior of others to personal factors.

Relationship satisfaction is gauged by our __________.

comparison level

Endogamy

endency of people to marry within their own social group

Familiarity

he mere exposure effect states that positive feelings toward a person are increased the more often we see them.

Relationship maintenance

involves "the actions and activities used to sustain the desired quality of a relationship."

Intimate Violence

is aggression toward those who are in close relationship to the aggressor It can take many forms, including: - Psychological abuse - Physical abuse - Sexual abuse.

Marriage

is the legally and socially sanctioned union of sexually intimate adults Traditionally, it has also included: - Economic interdependence. - Common residence. - Sexual fidelity. - Shared responsibility for children.

Sometimes divorce can have positive effects on children IF ......

it reduces or removes conflict that was present in their married parents.

Cohabitation

living together in a sexually intimate relationship outside of marriage. Many couples use cohabitation as a "trial marriage", hoping to ensure success. Cohabitation is actually associated with increases in marital discord, not success.

Proximity

more likely to become involved with people geographically, or spatially, close to.

Polygamy

more than one spouse at a time.

Monogamy

one spouse at a time" norm in our society.

The comparison level for alternatives

one's estimation of the available outcomes from alternative relationships - We tend to stay in unsatisfying relationships until a better one comes along.

Sexual orientation

person's preference for emotional and sexual relationships with individuals of the same gender, the other gender, or either gender

comparison level

personal standard of what constitutes an acceptable balance of rewards and costs - Based on outcomes experienced in previous relationships and on outcomes seen in other people's relationships.

matching hypothesis

proposes that people of similar levels of physical attractiveness gravitate toward each other

Date Rape

refers to forced and unwanted intercourse in the context of dating

Reciprocal liking

refers to liking those who show that they like you.

David Buss (1988) Parental investment theory

species' mating patterns depend on what each sex has to invest...time, energy, and survival risk to produce and nurture offspring Women: choose mates that will supply resources needed to support offspring for many years. Men: reproductive opportunities most important; show more interest in sexual activity and physical attractiveness.

Homogamy

tendency of people to marry others who have similar ... characteristics

Interdependence or social exchange theory

the decision is based on a "cost-benefit" analysis of the relationship's outcome. If the rewards outweigh the costs, we stay.

the investments,

things that people contribute to a relationship that they can't get back if the relationship ends. - Putting investments into a relationship strengthens our commitment to it.

Similarity

we are drawn to those with similar qualities/characteristics. - True in friendships and romantic relationships, regardless of sexual orientation. - Similar attitudes play a key role. » Attitude alignment.

Effects of Divorce on Children

• Depression and/or anxiety. • Nightmares, dependency. • Aggression, withdrawal or distractibility. • Lowered academic performance. • Reduced physical health. • Precocious sexual behavior. • Substance abuse.

Many factors have contributed to the growth of the single population, including:

• Increased age at which people marry. • Increased rate of divorce.

minding

• Using good listening skills. • Knowing your partner's opinions. • Making positive attributions about partner's behavior. • Expressing feelings of trust & commitment. • Recognizing partner's support and effort. • Being optimistic about future of relationship.