cmst final

touch

(formally know as haptics, is another nonverbal communication code) 1) touch is a powerful and noticeable behavior during interpersonal encounters 2) scholars distinguish btwn six types of touch: a) functional-professional touch = accomplishes some type of task such as the touch btween a physician and patient b) social-polite touch= stems from social norms and expectations; hugs are types of social-polite touch c) friendship-warmth touch= expresses liking for another person such as when we gently grasp a friend's arm or pat someone on the back d) love-intimacy touch= convey deep emotional feelings and may include gently touching a loved one's face e) sexual-arousal touch= is intended to physically stimulate another person f) aggressive-hostile touch = involves forms physical violence such as grabbing, slapping, and hitting

meaningful interactions and relationships are enhanced by cooperative communication

*using cooperative verbal communication means producing easily understood messages, taking active ownership for what you say, and making others feel included *according to cooperative principle, basic principles of cooperative communication include being informative, honest, relevant, clear given the purposes and situational characteristics of the encounters in which you're involved 1) be informative by: presenting all the information that is relevant and appropriate, given the demands of the situation

semi-fixed features

-are impermanent and usually easy to change; include furniture, lighting, color

four strong challenges to love

-betrayal -jealousy -relational intrusion -dating violence

romantic relationship

-chosen interpersonal involvement forged thru communication in which both participants perceive bond as romantic -exists whenever two partners perceive tht it does -exhibit diversity in partners characteristics & relationship types -romantic relationships are initiated and maintained by choice -involve commitment, strong psychological attachment to a partner n intention to continue relationship -tensions= arise bc romantic relationships are subject to three common types of competing impulses (relational dialects) 1) openness v protection= tension btwn wanting to share info and protecting privacy 2) autonomy v. connection= involves competing needs for bonding w/ another and maintaining individuality 3) novelty v predictability= the challenge of reconciling the need for stability against a desire for excitement -romantic involvement are forged thru interpersonal communciation

responding

-consists of clearly and constructively providing feedback to speaker 1) feedback= communicates attention and understanding while others are talking; can be (+) or (-); (+)= supports speaker's confidence and (-) disrupts communication 2) back-channel cues= form of positive feedback, comprise verbal and nonverbal behaviors that signal you're paying attention and understanding specific comments 3) behaviors that convey negative feedback include: avoiding eye contact, turning body away, looking bored or distracted, using devices, and avoiding use of back-channel cues 4) paraphrasing: (+) feedback, or summarizing other's comments (or clarifying) after they have finished speaking

attending

-consists of devoting attention to information received -extent to which you attend to receive information is determined by its salience (degree to which information seems noticeable and significant) -information that is visually or audibly stimulating, unexpected, or personally important invites our attention -you can improve your attention in 2 ways: limiting multitasking online (our minds adapt to our behaviors bc of brain plasticity; since it reduces attention span, doing it less will train your brain to better attention span) and elevating attention - elevate attention in following steps: *monitor how your attention naturally waxes and wanes due to various factors: stress, fatigue, hunger *take note of encounters in which you should listen carefully but seem to trigger only low levels of attention *consider optimal level of attention required for adequate listening during these encounters *compare your attention levels vs level of attention required- attention gap that needs to be bridged *elevate your level of attention to bridge the gap *practice mental bracketing, systematically putting aside thoughts that are not relevant t the interaction at hand

culture and nonverbal communication are inextricably linked

-cultural differences may contribute to misunderstanding of particular behaviors -it may take years of immersion in a culture to fully understanding the meanings of a culture's nonverbal communication

focus on culture: touch and distance

-culture vary in their norms regarding appropriate touch and distance, some favoring lots of touching and -try to adapt to individual comfort levels that others in giving and receiving touch (ex= reciprocating the behavior of "touchy" people, respecting the boundaries of "hands off" people

listening

-defined as primary skill bc it is the first communication skill developed, as well as most frequently used communication skill in adult life -can be improved to serve our interests and better our relationships w/ others -process unfolds over time and consists of 5 related stages: *receiving * attending * understanding * responding * recalling

coming apart relationship

-differentiating (opposing beliefs and values take over communication) 1) common 2)effective communication can move past this -circumscribing (individuals respond to problematic differences by ignoring and spending less time talking) 1) restrict quantity and quality of info exchanged 2) create "safe zones" where you only discuss nonprovocative topics -stagnating (occurs when no safe conservational topics remain; communication is at a standstill) 1) sense of resignation or trapped feeling 2) stagnation can b lasting unless effort is made to rebuild or end relationship -avoiding (both or one decide no longer to be around the other) 1) can be directly 2) or indirectly (failing to respond to calls) -terminating (ending relationship; sense of closure) 1) exchange summary statements 2) future status of relationship can range from ending all contact to platonic friendship

technology has liberated nonverbal communication

-in the past 20 years, technology has developed to allow us to see and hear one another while interacting -developments in media have allowed us to choose forms of media that allow us to hear and see others when interacting -we can also use these modalities to better maintain long-distance relationships

romantic relationships undergo development stages in partner's communication

-initiation stage (you size up a new person you've just met) 1) assess visual info 2) concern rn is creating positive impression 3) present appropriate greeting -experimenting (involves exchange of names, majors, hometowns etc) 1) small talk, or safe facts 2) most relationships do not go beyond this stage -intensifying (occurs when partners begin experiencing strong feelings of attraction) 1) depth of personal disclosure increases 2) use of terms of endearment and word 'we" increases 3) expressions of physical attraction - holding hands, sexual activity happens - integrating (partners personalities seem to become one as reinforced thru sexual activity and exchange of belongings) 1) individual identities bc hard to separate 2) attitudes, activities, interests merge -bonding (public ritual announce to world) 1) aka marriage 2) public validation that serves as institutionalize your relationship

compassionate love

-intense form of liking defined by emotional investment & deeply intertwined lives

understanding

-interpreting the meaning of another's person's communication by comparing newly received info against our past knowledge 1) short term memory= part of your mid that temp. houses info while you seek to understand meaning 2) long term memory= part of your mind devoted to permanent info storage *two memory systems work together to affect our understanding of info that we have attended and received *we display different abilities to temp. dock and permanently store info

listening style

-is a habitual pattern of listening behaviors that reflect your attitudes, beliefs, and predispositions regarding to listening process -different situations require different listening styles -4 listening styles: 1) action oriented listeners= want brief, accurate messages from others- information the listeners can use to make decisions or initiate course of action 2) time-oriented listeners: prefer brief and concise encounters 3) people-oriented listeners: view listening as an opportunity to estab. commonalities btwn themselves and others 4) content-oriented listeners= prefer to be intellectually challenged by messages and enjoy receiving complex and proactive info -listening style are learned early in life and are informed by our observations and interactions w/ caregivers and parents, through gender socialization, and cultural values - although most of us use only 1 or 2 listening styles in all of our interpersonal interactions, we can use some active listener strategically use each of the four different listening styles w/ diff people and types of interpersonal encounters -women and men consistently differ in their preferences for and use of listening styles 1) women more likely to use people-oriented and content-oriented 2) men are more likely to use time-oriented and action-oriented -culture also powerfully shapes how we listen and how we think about listening; those from individualistic cultures are often action and time-oriented; those from collectivistic cultures are content and people-oriented listeners -focus on culture: men just dont listen! differences in listening styles between men and women are a matter of scholarly debate 1) linguist Deborah Tannen (1990) argues btwn sexes in listening are cultural 2) other scholars like Daniel Hoyer (2011) found only small differences btwn men and women in their listening and claim that tannen's argument is not supported well enough

proxemics

-is communication through the use of physical distance 1) intimate space ranges between 0 to 18 inches 2) personal space ranges between 18 inches and 4 feet and is the distance we occupy during encounters with friends 3) social space ranges from about 4 to 12 feet, and is common in the workplace 4) public space, the distance between persons is 12 feet or more, including great distance (ex- distance btwn teachers and students in lecture halls)

dealing w/ mixed messages

-managing mixed messages is a common dilemma in relationships especially involving intimacy -use perspective talking and empathetic concern to sort out feelings about situation, as well as other person's view point -id optimal outcome and roatblocks to clarifying mixed messages -chart course

assurances

-messages that emphasize the relationship's depth of intimacy, stress mutual commitment, and describe the couple's future as certain. 1) consist of letting your partner know about your commitment to the relationship and its future, and sending messages or performing actions that demonstrate your love . 2) undermined by flirting with others, discouraging talk about the future, and prioritizing your cell phone or other electronic devices over your partner.

nonverbal communication differs from verbal communication in several ways

-nonverbal communication uses multiple sensory channels, including auditory (voice), visual (body language, eye contact, facial expression) and tactile (touch) -more ambiguous and more open to multiple interpretations than verbal communication -has fewer rules than verbal communication -conveys more meaning than verbal communication -mixed messages occurs when verbal and nonverbal messages contradict each other (saying "im ok" while frowning) -despite the differences btwn verbal and nonverbal communication, both are essential to become a competent communicators

several factors affect development of romantic attraction

-physical proximity= frequency of presence & plays important role in romantic attraction *mere exposure effect- more your around someone, more attracted you find them *that's why same race couples are so common -ppl are attracted to those perceive as physically attractive, phenomenon called Beautiful-is-good effect (stipulates that attractive ppl are viewed as competent communicators, intelligent, well-adjusted) *matching= less likely to form romantic releationship w/ ppl we judge as different from ourselves in physical attractiveness

competently managing nonverbal communication when interacting

-remember nonverb communication speaks louder than words -be sensitive to demands of interpersonal situations -remember verbal and nonverbal communication flow w/ one another

making relationship choices: listening when you don't want to

-some of most difficult listening situations are those in which you feel obligated to listen to info that makes you uncomfortable -reflect on yourself and your partner -ID the optimal outcome and roadblocks to achieving it -chart course

receiving

-stage 1 of listening -combies physiological process of seeing & hearing - impacted by environment, psychological, and noise pollution (crowds, music, cell phone alerts, etc) -failing to limit noise pollution can cause loss of hearing

verbal communication

-the exchange of spoken language with others during interactions; 5 distinctive characteristics: 1) symbolic *words are primary symbols we use to represent people, objects, events, and ideas *we rely on surrounding contexts and conversational participants to help clarify the multiple meanings of words 2)governed by rules *constitutive rules= define word meaning: they tell us which words represent which objects * regulative rules= govern how we use language when we verbally communicate, guiding everything from spelling and sentence structure to how to participate in conversation 3) language is flexible *personal idioms= are words and phrases that have unique meaning within groups and/or pairs of people 4) language is cultural *lang. is a set of symbols that members of a culture create to communicate their thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, values *dialects: the creative variations on language rules used by large groups 5) language evolves *even though we may believe that language is stable and static, all languages are in constant state of flux *constitutive rules (word meanings) often change over time; people add new words and phrases to their language (tweet, app, selfie) and discard old ones *regulative rules are subject to change as well

nonverbal communication

-the intentional or unintentional transmission of meaning thru an individual's non-spoken physical and behavioral cues

physical appearance

-visible attributes such as hair, clothing, body type, and other physical features - strong impacts communication with others -facial symmetry= the degree to which each side of the face precisely matches the other- is highly regarded as attractive across cultures -clothing also has a profound impact on perceptions of others

listening functions

-when listening to comprehend, you try to accurately interpret and store the info received so that you can correctly recall it later -when listening to discern, you focus on distinguishing specific sounds from each other to help you decipher something -when listening to analyze, you carefully evaluate a message in order to judge it -when listening to appreciate, your goal is to enjoy and respond to sounds -when listening to support, you aim to provide comfort to an conversational partner -listening purposes may change within the same encounter -to listen effectively, you must adapt your listening purposes to changing demands of interpersonal encounters

gender influences how we send and receive nonverbal communication

-women are better than men at both sending and receiving nonverbal communication -women show greater facial expressiveness than men, and they smile more -women gaze more at others during interpersonal interactions -men are more territorial than women -knowledge of their differences can be used to improve your nonverbal ability 1) be aware of these differences can be used to improve your nonverbal ability 2) during encounters with women, be sensitive to their likely preference for direct gaze and frequent eye contact (within the appropriate boundaries of the situation) - be aware that culture and gender each significant impact communication, but do not rigidly determine it; the participants, topics, and situation also impact our nonverbal communication

best friends

. For instance, there is a difference between close friends, people with whom you exchange personal information and share interests, and best friends. A. Best friends share five distinguishing factors. 1. They are typically same-sex rather than cross-sex. 2. There is greater intimacy, more disclosure, and deeper commitment. 3. They listen to each other's problems without judgment. 4. They engage in shared activities. 5. The most important factor is that they provide unwavering identity support, behaving in ways that convey understanding, acceptance, and support for a friend's valued social identities. a. Valued social identities are the aspects of your public self that you deem most important in defining who you are. B. There are several types of cross-category friendships. 1. Cross-sex friendships between men and women in the United States have increased over the past several years. Most are not motivated by sexual attraction. a. People face several challenges in building platonic (nonsexual) cross-sex friendships. i. Through early childhood experiences, men and women usually segregate themselves, limiting opportunities to build cross-sex friendships. ii. American society promotes same-sex friendships and cross-sex coupling as the most acceptable relationships; therefore, cross-sex friends may feel pressure from family and friends to abandon the friendship or convert it to a romance. 2. Cross-orientation friendships are those between lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, or queer (LGBTQ) people and straight men or women. a. Forming a cross-orientation friendship can help correct negative stereotypes. b. For LGBTQ persons, having a straight friend can provide emotional and social support. c. Due to homophobia, cross-orientation friendships do not occur as frequently in real life as in movies and television shows. d. Straight men comprise the group least likely to form cross-orientation friendships. 3. Intercultural friendships involve people from different cultures or countries. a. Differences in language, cultural beliefs, and negative stereotypes can be challenging for intercultural friendships. b. Finding and bolstering ingroup similarities (e.g., sharing tastes in music) can help overcome these challenges. 4. Interethnic friendships are bonds between people who share the same cultural background but who are of different ethnic groups. a. Such friendships boost cultural awareness and commitment to diversity. b. "Political correctness" can be a barrier to initiating such friendships. C. Focus on Culture: Cross-Orientation Male Friendships 1. There is little evidence to support the stereotype that gay men cannot refrain from hitting on their straight male friends. 2. Research indicates that cross-orientation male friendships are often prevented by peer pressure from friends on both sides (gay friends and straight friends). 3. Straight men often view gay men solely in terms of their sexual orientation, and they often feel uncomfortable talking about their gay friends' romantic involvements. 4. Other research indicates that straight and gay men with the closest friendships are those who have served together in the military.

avoid 5 incompetent types of listening

1) selective listening- taking in only bits of info during an interpersonal encounter and dismissing the rest *is the natural result of fluctuating attention *is overcome by listening to slowly and steadily broaden the rang of info you can actively attend to during encounters 2) eavesdropping- when people intentionally and systematically set up situations so they can listen to other people's private convos *both inappropriate and unethical *can be personally, professionally, relationally damaging 3) pseudo-listening= occurs when you behave as if you're paying attention though your really not 4) aggressive listening (ambushing) = focusing on what conversational partner say for sole purpose of ID opportunities to attack them *is related to verbal aggression and chronic hostility *can minimize your aggressive listening by discovering and dealing with root causes of your aggression *people who engage in aggressive listening are known as provocateur's 5) narcissistic listening: self-absorbed listening: individual ignores what others say and redirects convo to his or her own interests

6 important functions in interpersonal communication

1) we use verbal communication to share two kinds of meanings with others -denotative meaning: the literal meaning of words, as agreed on by conventional use in a culture - connotative meaning: comprises additional understandings that are implied, suggested or hinted at by words you choose while communicating with others based on knowledge & situation or context 2)verbal communication shapes our thinking and perceptions -sapir-whorf hypothesis posits that language defines the boundaries of our thinking, a view known as linguistic determinism; this view stipulates that we cannot conceive that for which we have no vocabulary - people from different cultures perceive and think about the world in different ways than those from other cultures, an effect known as linguistic relativity C) verbal communication is basis for naming- creating linguistic symbols for objects *using derogatory names to label others is a means of spreading cultural prejudice *culturally oppressed groups faces a challenge in naming themselves, since the names they choose gets co-opted by others and are sued as insults against them D) focus on culture: challenging traditional gender labels *the practice of replacing traditional language labels for gender and replacing them w/ preferred gender pronouns (PGP) is becoming global; students should be aware that language labels used to refer to gender are changing in order to embrace a more comprehensive list of gender identity E) verbal communication enables us to perform actions with language known as speech acts 1) representative speech acts commit the speaker to the truth of what has been said 2) directive speech acts attempt to get the listeners to do things 3) commissive speech acts commit the speaker to future action 4) expressive speech acts convey a psychological or emotional state that the speaker is experiencing 5) declarative speech acts produce dramatic and observable effects F) verbal communication is used to construct conversation *conversations are interactive *involve local management, means that we make decisions regarding who gets to speak, when, and how long each time we exchange turns *are universal, forming the foundation for most forms of interpersonal communication and for social organization generally *conversations, especially first encounters, how often follow scripts, rigidly structured pattern of talk G) managing relationships is the most important function of verbal communication *we maintain our ongoing relationship w/ lovers, family, friends, coworkers thru verbal communication *people who communicate frequently w/ partners experience less uncertainty and are more likely to stay together

geographic separation

A common challenge to maintaining romantic relationships is geographic separation. Some suggestions to help maintain such relationships include: A. While separated, use technology to regularly communicate with your partner. B. Use maintenance strategies, such as positivity and assurances. When you reunite, expect a period of adjustment instead of pure bliss; use constructive conflict management strategies when difficult dilemmas arise

challenges of friendships

A. Betrayal is the most commonly reported reason for ending a friendship. 1. Acts of friendship betrayal include breaking confidences, backstabbing, spreading rumors or gossip, and lying. 2. Friendship betrayal often leads to an overwhelming sense of relationship devaluation and loss. 3. Some friendships can be repaired after a betrayal, but some will permanently end. 4. Ask yourself the following questions to help decide whether you can or should repair a friendship after betrayal: a. How serious was the betrayal? b. Did you do something to provoke the betrayal? c. Do the benefits of continuing the friendship outweigh the costs? d. Is the betrayal a one-time event or part of a consistent pattern? e. Does the betrayal reveal something about your friend's character that you simply can't live with? B. Geographic separation is one of the most intense challenges to a friendship of any kind. 1. Separation prevents both communal and agentic friends from adequately satisfying the needs that form the foundation of their relationship. 2. Long-distance friendships are more likely to survive when the two people: a. Feel a particularly strong liking for each other. b. Accept change as a natural part of life and of their relationship. c. Have a strong sense of shared history. 3. Maintaining friendships during physical separation can be achieved through: a. Using technologies such as cell phones, IMs, e-mail, and text messaging to regularly communicate with long-distance friends. b. Using these same technologies to remind your long-distance friends that you still think of them with affection and hold them in high regard. c. Devoting some of your communication to recounting events and experiences you have shared in your past, as well as discussing plans for the future. d. Using communication technologies to show your support for any dramatic life changes that friends encounter. C. A third challenge facing friends is attraction to one another beyond friendship: romantic, sexual, or both. 1. Men typically report more of a desire for romantic involvement with their platonic friends than women, but attraction within friendships occurs with both genders. 2. Friends who repress attraction use mental management. 3. Studies are mixed on the success of friendships that become romantic relationships, but two strategies may help encourage a successful transition: a. Expect difference when the nature of the relationship changes. b. Offer assurances that you stand by your partner. 4. In "friends-with-benefits" relationships (called FWB relationships), participants engage in sexual activity, but not with the purpose of transitioning to romance. a. Although the lack of commitment may be attractive at first, FWB relationships are challenged when one or both partners develops emotional needs the relationship cannot satisfy.

communication tech. reshape friendships are creatd

A. Friendships can be formed quickly and with more people; however, just because someone is your "social media friend" doesn't necessarily mean the person is a "real" friend. B. By forming online friendships, people with chronic shyness can gain social and emotional support without suffering the anxiety that direct face-to-face contact may cause. C. Friends can stay connected and updated 24/7. D. Despite the various types of technology, people continue to recognize the superiority of offline relationships and communication.

choosing between frends

A. Maintaining friendships across time and distance is difficult. B. Consider a situation where your friend, Karina, has undergone big changes to her values and social identities. These changes put Karina at odds with other friends who do not respect the transformation she has undergone. You feel torn between maintaining a friendship with Karina and with your other friends. How do you handle the situation? C. Reflect on your thoughts and feelings in this situation as well as those of your friends. D. Identify the optimal outcome and the roadblocks to achieving the outcome. E. Chart your course and consider how to maintain friendship with others, considering the concepts of best friends, betrayal, friendship rules, and identity support.

strageties for maintaining family relationships

A. Positivity, the most powerful maintenance strategy for families, means communicating with your family members in an upbeat and hopeful fashion. B. Assurances are expressions of how much your family means to you. C. Self-disclosure involves sharing your private thoughts and feelings with family members and allowing them to do the same without fear of betrayal. Technology provides options for maintaining family ties over distance, at any time, conveniently; for instance, people report using e-mail to maintain positivity, provide assurances, and self-disclose (e.g., sharing anxieties)

friendship maintenance strageties

A. Successful friendships involve abiding by friendship rules—general principles that prescribe appropriate communication and behavior within friendship relationships: 1. Show support. 2. Seek support. 3. Respect privacy. 4. Keep confidences. 5. Defend your friends. 6. Avoid public criticism. 7. Make your friends happy. 8. Manage jealousy. 9. Share humor. 10. Maintain equity. B. Successful friendships involve sharing activities by structuring schedules so friends can enjoy hobbies, interests, and leisure activities together. C. Successful friendships involve engaging in ethical, reciprocal self-disclosure of thoughts, feelings, and daily life events.

four factors appear crucial in predicting survival of romantic relationship in crisis

A. The degree to which the partners consider themselves "in love" B. The equity of costs and benefits that exist in the relationship C. The degree of similarity the couple shares is the third factor D. Network support (from family and friends) is important to maintaining the couple

socials

Because so much daily communication occurs via technology, conflicts often occur through texting, instant messaging, e-mail, and social media posts. A. The inability to see nonverbal reactions to messages makes such media ill-suited for resolving conflicts; therefore, it is best to take the encounter offline. B. However, if the conflict must be dealt with online, follow five guidelines: 1. Wait and reread. When you receive a message that provokes you, don't respond right away to avoid communicating when your anger is at its peak. 2. Assume the best and watch out for the worst. Give the benefit of the doubt. 3. Seek outside counsel. Discuss the situation offline with someone you know and trust before responding to online conflict. 4. Weigh your options carefully. Consider the long-term personal and relationship outcomes you desire, and try to avoid escalation. 5. Communicate competently. Use "I" language and appropriate emoticons, express empathy and perspective-taking, encourage the other person to share thoughts and feelings, and communicate willingness to negotiate a mutually agreeable solution.

5 potent challenges

Close relationship conflicts are fraught with five potent challenges. A. Self-enhancing thoughts cause us to perceive conflicts in ways that make us look right and others look wrong. 1. We tend to attribute conflicts to long-term differences that can't be overcome. 2. Improving conflict begins with assessing your perceptions and attributions. Some questions to ask are: a. Is my partner really being uncooperative, or am I making a faulty attribution? b. Is my partner really solely to blame, or have I also done something to cause the conflict? c. Is the conflict really due to ongoing differences between us, or is it actually due to temporary factors such as stress or fatigue? B. When conflicts escalate and anger peaks, destructive messages are often conveyed in the form of sudden-death statements (threats to end the relationship) and dirty secrets (revelations introduced for the purpose of inflicting emotional damage). C. Another conflict challenge we face in close relationships is serial arguments: a series of unresolved disputes, all having to do with the same issue. 1. Many serial arguments involve heated verbal battles; endless serial arguments can often lead to the termination of relationships. 2. According to the serial argument process model, the course that serial arguments take depends on a number of factors: the goals that individuals possess, the approaches they adopt for dealing with the conflict, and the perception after the argument of whether or not the conflict is resolvable. 3. Others take the form of demand-withdraw patterns, in which one partner in a relationship demands that his or her goals be met, and the other partner responds by withdrawing from the encounter. D. Physical violence is a strategy that people may resort to if they cannot think of a better way to deal with conflict or they believe no other options are available. 1. Both men and women use violence as a strategy for dealing with conflicts. 2. One outcome of physical violence is the chilling effect, whereby individuals stop discussing relationship issues out of fear of their partners' negative reactions. 3. When you experience violence in a relationship, you should: a. Seek help from family members, friends, and law enforcement officials, if necessary. b. Realize that your best option might be ending the relationship and avoiding all contact with the physically violent person. 4. If you are inclined to violence in relationships, you should: a. Revisit the anger management techniques discussed in earlier chapters. b. Follow the suggestions for constructively handling conflict described previously. c. Seek professional counseling if you are unable to control your impulses towards violence. E. A final conflict challenge is that some disputes are unsolvable and no amount of collaborating will fix things. In these circumstances, the relationship may not be salvageable because the parties' objectives are fundamentally in opposition.

conflict challenges

Close relationships are most likely to experience conflict challenges. A. Prolonged contact and frequent interaction present opportunities for disagreements over three main issues: 1. Irritating partner behaviors (e.g., annoying personal habits) 2. Disagreements regarding relationship rules (e.g., one partner wants cell phones off during dinner and the other does not) 3. Personality clashes (e.g., a workaholic friend clashing with a lazy friend) B. Conflicts with loved ones are often intense and emotionally draining experiences, often affecting future encounters and relationships.

5 ways to manage conflict

Conflict is typically managed in one of five ways: avoiding, accommodating, competing, reacting, or collaborating. A. Avoidance, the most frequently used approach to handling conflict, occurs when you ignore the situation or communicate ambiguously when conflict arises. 1. Skirting involves avoiding conflict by joking or changing the topic. 2. Sniping is communicating in a negative fashion, then abandoning the situation or refusing to continue with the exchange. 3. Avoidance may lead to cumulative annoyance, when our repressed annoyance grows as the mental list of grievances we have against our partner accumulates. 4. Avoidance may also lead to pseudo-conflict, the perception that a conflict exists when in fact it doesn't. 5. Nonetheless, avoidance can be a wise choice for managing conflict in situations where emotions run high. Taking time to "cool off" before seeking resolution can facilitate calmer interaction at a future time. B. Accommodation occurs when a person abandons his or her own goals and acquiesces to the desires of the other person. 1. Accommodation is more likely to occur when a power disadvantage exists. 2. Love may also cause us to suppress our goals and desires in favor of the other. C. Competition involves confronting others and pursuing your own goals to the exclusion of others' goals and needs. 1. The choice to use competition is motivated in part by a desire to control, to hurt others in order to gain, and a lack of respect for others. 2. At a minimum, competitive approaches can trigger defensive communication. 3. A risk of the competitive approach is escalation, a dramatic rise in emotional intensity and increasingly negative and aggressive communication. D. A fourth way people handle conflict is through reactivity, communicating in an emotionally explosive and negative fashion ("flipping out"). 1. Reactivity is characterized by accusations of mistrust, yelling, crying, and verbal or physical abuse. 2. People prone to reactivity have little interest in others as individuals and do not recognize others' desires as relevant. E. Collaboration treats conflict as a mutual problem-solving challenge rather than something that must be avoided, accommodated, competed over, or reacted to. 1. Compromise is often the result of using a collaborative approach. 2. Wilmot and Hocker offer four suggestions for collaboration: a. Attack problems, not people by talking about the conflict as something separate from the people involved. b. Focus on common interests and long-term goals, keeping the emphasis on commonalities instead of differences. c. Create options before arriving at decisions—in a word, negotiate. d. Critically evaluate the solution to determine if it is equally fair to the parties involved. This step should be repeated as necessary.

outcome

Conflicts can have short-term and long-term resolutions or outcomes. A. Short-term conflict resolutions typically take one of five forms: 1. Some conflicts end through separation, the sudden withdrawal of one person from the encounter. 2. Domination occurs when one person gets his or her way by influencing the other to engage in accommodation and abandon his or her goals. a. Conflicts that end with domination are often called win-lose solutions. 3. Through compromise, both parties change their goals to make them compatible. 4. Through integrative agreements, the two sides preserve and attain their goals by developing a creative solution to their problem. a. Effective integrative agreements create win-win solutions. 5. With especially intense conflicts, structural improvements may change the basic rules or understandings that govern the parties' relationship in order to forestall further instances of conflict. B. Your response to conflict can have a long-term effect on your relationship. 1. Avoidance and reactivity have negative effects on relationship satisfaction because they fail to address problems directly, and they prolong conflict. 2. Collaboration has a greater likelihood of leading to better long-term outcomes. 3. Accommodation and competition have unpredictable long-term outcomes.

managing jealousy about a partner's ex

Consider a situation in which you or someone you know has experienced jealousy in a romantic relationship, either as the person feeling jealous or as the person at whom jealous feelings were directed. B. Reflect on the parties involved. Use perception-taking and empathic concern to gain insight about the perspectives of both people. C. Identify an optimal outcome and locate roadblocks in the way of that outcome. D. Consider concepts and tools from the chapter while charting a course.

gender socialization

Gender socialization creates different ways for men and women to approach conflict resolution. A. Women are socialized to avoid and suppress conflict and to sacrifice their own goals to accommodate others when conflict is inevitable. B. Men learn competitive or even violent approaches to handling relationship distress. C. When experiencing conflicts with men and women use a collaborative approach and avoid criticism, insults, or threats that may escalate the conflict.

collective cultures

Individualistic and collectivistic cultures view conflict differently. A. People from collectivistic cultures are more likely to manage conflict through avoidance or accommodation. B. People from individualistic cultures are more likely to compete, react, or collaborate. C. Focus on Culture: Accommodation and Radical Pacifism: An extreme form of accommodation is radical pacifism, based on the belief that we have a moral obligation to behave in selfless and self-sacrificial ways to end conflict. 1. The practice of radical pacifism means discovering what someone else wants and needs, and then aiding that person in attaining these goals, even if it means sacrificing your own. 2. The practice of radical pacifism cuts across countries, ethnicities, and social classes; it is primarily rooted in the religious culture in which you were raised. D. William Gudykunst and Young Yun Kim suggest some strategies for approaching conflict with a person from a collectivistic culture: 1. Collectivists may prefer to have a third person mediate the conflict. 2. Avoid humiliating or embarrassing the person. 3. Pay special attention to the other person's nonverbal communication and implied verbal messages. 4. Be more indirect with verbal messages than usual, using "maybe" and "possibly." 5. Move on from the situation if the other person does not recognize that the conflict exists or does not want to deal with it. E. The following suggestions are helpful when dealing with persons from individualistic cultures: 1. Individualists often separate conflicts from people. 2. Focus your attention on the issues involved in the conflict—not the personalities. 3. Use an assertive style and be more direct than you usually are. 4. Provide more verbal feedback than you typically do.

dealing w/ family conflict

Making Relationship Choices: Dealing with Family Conflict A. Parental expectations, power differences, emotions, and generational values all pose complex challenges to effectively managing conflict within a family. B. Imagine a situation in which your young cousin, Devdas, is going through a rebellious phase and offends many of your other family members, creating conflict. Your family is very traditional and your parents and brother disapprove of Devdas's behavior. Your parents send you an e-mail asking you to side with them against Devdas. C. Reflect on your thoughts and feelings about the situation and consider your parents' perspectives. D. Given all of the reflective information, identify the optimal outcome. E. How would you use the power principles—collaborative approaches to dealing with conflict, and conflict-resolution techniques—to approach this problem?

family transitions

One of the biggest challenges family members face is transitioning from a family to a stepfamily. When some family members force others to choose between old and new loyalties, charting a course that will maintain all of the relationships and make everyone happy can be difficult. 2. Imagine a situation in which your parents divorce because of your father's cold manner and his authoritarian need for control. Your mother gains custody of you and eventually remarries another man, Stephan, who is the opposite of your biological father. You slowly adjust to your new life, growing to adore Stephan and appreciating your stepfamily. However, your father remains bitter about your mother's marriage to Stephan, and tries to turn you against them. He demands that you choose between him and Stephan, threatening to sever ties with you unless you comply. 3. Reflect on your thoughts and feelings in this situation, as well as those of your mother, your biological father, and your stepfather. 4. Identify the optimal outcome and the roadblocks to achieving the outcome. 5. Chart your course of action, considering issues related to interparental conflict, triangulation, protective and pluralistic families, maintenance strategies, and the dialectic of openness and protection.

companionship and ability to achieve practical goals

These functions are not mutually exclusive, as many friendships facilitate both functions. A. Friendships focusing primarily on sharing time, activities, and emotional support are known as communal friendships. B. Friendships in which the parties focus primarily on helping each other achieve practical goals are known as agentic friendships. C. The importance we attribute to friendship varies. 1. We value friendships differently as we age. For instance, during adolescence, children slowly transfer their emotional attachment from their family to friends. 2. As we get older, the importance of friendship begins to wane especially for middle-aged adults; late in life, however, friendships are the most important relationships. D. Culture and gender are important factors in how friendship is expressed. 1. Male and female same-sex friendships are more similar than they are different. 2. Euro-American men, unlike women, avoid direct expressions of affection with other males, owing to homophobia, traditional gender roles, and general reluctance to show emotion. 3. In other cultures, such as Spain and Indonesia, men and women look to their same-sex friends as their primary source of intimacy.

family challenges

Three of the most difficult to navigate are stepfamily transition, parental favoritism, and interparental conflict. A. The majority of stepfamilies confront challenges including negotiating new family privacy rules, dealing with discrepancies in conflict management styles, and building solidarity as a family unit. B. The most common challenge is triangulation, a loyalty conflict that arises when a coalition is formed to unite one family member with another against a third person. 1. Two forms of triangulation are common: a. Children feeling caught between their custodial and noncustodial parents b. Stepparents feeling caught between the children in their stepfamily C. To smooth the transition to a stepfamily, try these suggestions: 1. Go slow, but start early in building bonds with each other. 2. Practice daily maintenance by displaying affection, engaging in everyday talk, and sharing stories. 3. Create new stepfamily rituals that function to define the group as a family. 4. Avoid triangulating family members. 5. Be patient, and anticipate that new relationship bonds may take time to develop. D. A second challenge is parental favoritism, which involves one or both parents allocating an unfair amount of valuable resources to one child over others. 1. Parental favoritism has profound and enduring effects. a. Favored children are more professionally successful and experience greater satisfaction in adulthood than disfavored children. b. Siblings from favoritism families feel and express less warmth and closeness, and they also express more hostility toward one another. 2. Parental favoritism is best managed by regularly practicing positivity, assurances, and self-disclosure with one's siblings—favoritism is not the fault of the favored child, and siblings within favoritism families can still form healthy bonds. E. Interparental conflict is one of the most potent family challenges. 1. Constant overt, hostile interactions have devastating outcomes for children. a. Children are likely to imitate their parents' destructive interaction styles, and are therefore at greater risk for developing aggressive and delinquent behaviors. b. Perceptions of trust and love, sexual behaviors, relationship beliefs, and attitudes toward marriage, cohabitation, and divorce are also impacted. c. According to the spillover hypothesis, the emotions, affect, and mood from the parental relationship "spill over" into the broader family, disrupting children's sense of emotional security. 2. Interparental conflict can best be managed by understanding the dangers of self-enhancing thoughts, destructive messages, and serial arguments. a. If you're the child of parents who fight, encourage them to approach their conflicts more constructively; you can also seek therapy from a reputable counselor. b. If you are a parent, realize that everything you say and do spills over into the emotions and feelings of your children.

relational dialects

Two relational dialectics are especially pronounced in families: autonomy versus connection, and openness versus protection. A. The tension between autonomy and connection in families is especially difficult to manage during adolescence. 1. Cultivating social networks and sharing activities and tasks are important and helpful maintenance strategies to manage this tension in families. 2. As with shared activities and tasks, finding a balance between family relationships and outside connections is ideal. B. Families also experience tension between openness and protection. 1. According to Communication Privacy Management Theory, people create informational boundaries by carefully choosing the kind of private information they reveal and the people with whom they share the information. 2. These boundaries are defined by family privacy rules, the conditions governing what family members can talk about, how they can discuss such topics, and who should have access to family-relevant information. 3. Family rules that balance openness and privacy can be managed in three ways: a. Remember that all families identify both approved and taboo conversational topics; identify certain viewpoints they promote over others; and identify people whom they include or exclude from receiving family information. b. Be respectful of individual differences regarding openness and protection. c. Use sensitivity when seeking alterations to family rules. D. Focus on Culture—Autonomy and Class: Helicopter Parents. Some children have little or no autonomy, even as teenagers and young adults, because their parents "hover" over all aspects of their lives like helicopters. This is most evident in middle- to upper-class families. 1. Helicopter parents use various communication technologies to maintain a constant connection with their children. 2. Lower-income parents, by contrast, tend to allow their children to mature without a large amount of adult interference.

family communication pattern theory

`two dimensions underscore the communication between family members. 1. Conversation orientation is the degree to which family members are encouraged to participate in unrestrained interaction about a breadth of topics. a. Families with a high conversation orientation communicate regularly, freely, and spontaneously with each other. b. Families with a low conversation orientation consider interpersonal communication unnecessary for a satisfying, successful family life. Such families interact infrequently, stay away from disclosure of intimate thoughts or debates, and limit their conversations to a few select topics. 2. Conformity orientation is the degree to which families believe communication should emphasize similarity or diversity in attitudes, beliefs, and values. a. High conformity families use their interactions to highlight and enforce uniformity of thought. b. Low conformity families communicate in ways that emphasize diversity in attitudes, beliefs, and values. 3. From these two belief sets emerge four possible family communication patterns: a. Consensual families are high in both conversation and conformity; members are encouraged to openly share their views, but are expected to steadfastly share a single viewpoint. b. Pluralistic families are high in conversation but low in conformity; members communicate in open and unconstrained ways, but do not try to control other family member's beliefs or attitudes. c. Protective families are low on conversation and high on conformity; members are expected to be obedient and conform to family norms, while little value is placed on communication and sharing of ideas. d. Laissez-faire families are low in both conversation and conformity; members interact infrequently and display low levels of care, concern, and support toward family members.

resources

a final spark that kindles romantic attraction is the unique set of ___________ (Ex= intelligence, kindness, sense of humor) another person offers 1) social exchange theory = suggeests you'll be drawn to those you see as offering benefits with few associated costs 2) equity= balance of costs and benefits, is a factor that determines whether or not a relationship will take place *partners who are overbenefitted may feel guilty, and underbenefited would be angry or sad *equity is a strong related to success of relationship

family

a network of people who share their lives over long periods of time; who are bound by marriage, blood, or commitment; who consider themselves as family; who share a significant history; and who anticipate a future together as a family. A. Families create shared identity through interpersonal communication. B. Families use communication to define boundaries, both inside the family and in ways that can distinguish family members from outsiders. C. The emotional bonds underlying family relationships are intense and complex. D. Families share a history and a common future. E. Family members often share genetic material, which can explain personality traits affecting interpersonal communication. F. Family members constantly juggle multiple and sometimes competing roles.

reciprocal liking

a potent predictor of attraction, bc we tend to be attracted to ppl who are attracted to us

jealousy

a protective reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship. 1. Jealousy can plague users of online social-networking sites, causing some to engage in wedging. This occurs when a person deliberately places himself or herself between partners in a romantic relationship. 2. The most effective way to deal with jealousy is self-reliance, which involves allowing yourself to feel jealous but not allowing it to disrupt your life. Focus on Culture: Infidelity Internationally. Research indicates that while there are broad differences in cultural attitudes about sexual betrayal, the resulting suffering is universal. 1. Cultures exhibit different levels of tolerance for infidelity. 2. Despite cultural differences regarding tolerance, nations around the globe share three common views on betrayal: a. People who cheat prefer partners who are also romantically involved. b. Cheaters do not describe themselves as the "cheating type." c. Sexual betrayal consistently causes relational distress and emotional pain.

passionate love

a state of intense emotional and physical longing for union with another 1) changes our brains 2) driven by idealization of partners 3) everyone can experience it 4) age and gender do not affect it 5) associate w/ sexual desire and sexuality 6) negatively related to relationship duration; longer with them, less intense passion

fixed features

are stable and unchanging environmental elements such as walls, ceilings, floors,doors

friendships

are voluntary interpersonal relationships characterized by intimacy and liking. No matter the closeness or duration, all friendships share distinguishing characteristics: A. Friendship is voluntary, in that we choose our friends. B. Friendship is driven by shared interests; when our interests and activities change, so do our friendships. C. Friendship is characterized by reciprocal self-disclosure. D. Friendship is rooted in liking, in that we feel affection and respect for our friends. E. Friendship is volatile, in that friendships are less stable, more likely to change, and easier to end than family or romantic relationships, which have deeper emotional roots

nuclear family

comprises a wife, husband, and their biological or legally adopted children. Formerly the most common family type in North America, today nuclear families are the minority family type in North America.

cohabitating couples

consist of two unmarried, romantically involved adults living together in a household, with or without children.

extended family

consists of relatives—such as aunts, uncles, parents, children, and grandparents—living together in a common household.

liking

feeling of affection (warmth) and respect (admiration) with our friends

single parent family

has only one adult possessing sole responsibility as caregiver for the child (or children).

communication technologies

have affected attraction -network sites allow us to establish virtual proximity w/ others -tech enhances our ability to gauge others' potential in terms of similarity, reward thee offer, physical appeal -relational tensions may be evoked due to distorted self-descriptions and misrepresentations technology permits (ex- misleading profiles)

romantic betrayal

involves any act that goes against expectations of a romantic relationship and causes pain to a partner. 1. Examples of romantic betrayal include sexual infidelity, emotional infidelity, deception, and disloyalty. 2. Betrayal is intentional. 3. Betrayal can lead to relational devaluation when you realize that your partner does not love and respect you as much as you thought. 4. Betrayal often causes grief over the loss of the relationship that was. a. Sexual infidelity occurs when a partner engages in sexual activity with someone other than his or her romantic partner. It is the most destructive form of romantic betrayal. b. Emotional infidelity involves a strong romantic bond with another person outside the relationship. c. Men are likely to be more upset by sexual infidelity, whereas women are likely to be more upset by emotional infidelity. 5. Deception involves misleading your partner by intentionally withholding information, presenting false information, or making your message unnecessarily irrelevant or ambiguous. 6. People struggling to cope with betrayal commonly adopt one of four communication approaches. a. Confront the betrayal. b. Forgive your partner. c. Stand by your partner, but simmer with pain and rage. d. End the relationship

loving

involves deeper more intense emotional commitment -comprises of intimacy, caring (concern for partner's welfare), and attachment (longing to be in presence)

voluntary-kin family

is a group of people who lack blood and legal kinship, but who nevertheless consider themselves "family." There are three types of voluntary-kin family: supplemental family, substitute family, and convenience family.

self-disclosure

is sharing your thoughts, feelings, and fears. 1. Self-disclosure should be mutual. 2. Self-disclosure is undermined by keeping important information secret from your partner, disparaging your partner's perspective, and sharing confidential information about your partner with others.

sharing tasks

is taking mutual responsibility for chores and day-to-day tasks. 1. Sharing tasks is the most frequently practiced form of maintenance. 2. Sharing tasks occurs through equal distribution of responsibilities, asking the other how you can help, and anticipating tasks that need to be done. 3. The strategy of shared tasks is undermined by strategically avoiding responsibilities and failing to reciprocate your partner's efforts.

acceptance

means being supportive and forgiving. 1. Acceptance is conveyed by forgiving your partner's mistakes, supporting his or her decisions, and showing patience when your partner is in a bad mood. 2. Acceptance is undermined when grievances are held against your partner, telling your partner you wish he or she were different, and by criticizing your partner's appearance, personality, beliefs, and values.

nonverbal communication codes

nonverbal skills can be developed by understanding the different means used for transmitting information nonverbally

kinesics

refers to most of the behaviors we associate with nonverbal communication: facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, and body postures 1) facial expressions (and their online equivalents, emoticons, and emoji) are constant sources of emotional information about ourselves and others 2) eye contact serves several purposes during interpersonal communication, including: a) expressing emotion b) regulating turn-taking in conversation c) indicating attentiveness while listening d) signaling relationship intimacy with knowing glances e) conveying hostility (such as prolonged staring) 3) gestures are hand motions used to communicate messages; they serve distinct purposes in communication a) emblems: are gestures (hand motions) representing specific verbal manings (ex thumbs up) b) illustrators = accent or illustrate verbal messages (ex- moving your body to stimulate a motion that your are trying to verbally describe) c) regulators control the exchange of conversational turns during interpersonal encounters (ex- holding up palm to stop people from speaking) d) adaptors- are touching gestures that serve a psychological or physical purpose (ex= smoothing one's clothes out to boost confidence in appearance) 4) posture includes straightness of back (erect or slouched), body lean (forward, backward, vertical), straightness of shoulders (firm and broad or slumped), and head position (tilted or straight up) -you posture communicates two primary messages: immediacy and power -power: the ability to influence or control of other people or events

relational maintenance

refers to romantic partners efforts to keep relationship in a desired state or condition -positivity -assurances -sharking tasks -acceptance -self-disclosure -tlaks -social networks

birds of feather effect

reflects scientific evidence suggesting we are attracted o those we perceive as similar to ourselves 1) allows first encounters to seem comfortable and predictable 2) similarities consists of personalities, values, personal likes and dislikes *fundamental diff. in personalities can erode attaction 3) interpersonal communication is a key component to discover similarities

recalling

remembering info after you've received, attended to, understood, and responded to info 1) accurate recall depends on quality of the early stages of listening as well as the situation in which info is conveyed 2) recall can be improved by using mnemonics (devices that aid memory by focusing on particular sensory cues that will trigger our memory of the encounter) 3) increase your recall accuracy, try to use all 5 senses while listening

relationship talks

require sitting down and discussing the status of your relationship, how you each feel about it, and where you both see it going. 1. Partners encourage relationship talks when they set aside time to openly and respectfully share relationship concerns with each other. 2. Relationship talks are undermined by reacting defensively whenever your partner shares relationship concerns, and by avoiding and ridiculing the need to discuss the relationship.

step family

results from remarriages for one or both partners, bringing at least one child who is not the biological offspring of both adults into the household

nonverbal communication

serves many diff functions -nonverbal communication expresses emotions -communicated thru affect displays (intentional or unintentional nonverbal behavior that display actual or feigned emotions) -vocalics are powerful source of emotional information; pitch can convey emotion so powerfully that words sometimes become unnecessary -nonverbal communication conveys meaning -meanings can be direct "thumbs up means ok' -meanings can be indirect in 5 diff ways *may reiterate verbal messages *contradict verbal messages *enhanced a verbal message *be replaced w/ nonverbal message *can be used to spotlight verbal messages -nonv. comm. supports interaction management -cues regulate turn-taking during convos -is used to monitor and regulate attention and behaviors of others -nonv comm defines nature of relationships -serves to cate intimacy, feeling of emotional bonding btwn ourselves and others -expresses dominance the interpersonal behaviors we use to exert power over others and it displays submissiveness, willingness to allow others to exert power over us

social networks

support means gaining the approval of families and friends for the relationship. 1. Supportive social networks are developed when you communicate liking for your partner's family and friends, invite them to share in activities with you, and sacrifice your own needs for the sake of the social network. 2. Social networks are undermined when you make remarks critical of your partner's family and friends and demand that your partner choose between spending time with you and spending time with them.

power

the ability to influence or control other people and events, has a close connection to conflict. A. Power has four defining characteristics: 1. Power is always present. a. Power may be balanced, as in the case of a symmetrical relationship (friend/friend), or it may be imbalanced, as in the case of a complementary relationship (employer/employee). b. According to Dyadic Power Theory, people with only moderate power are most likely to use controlling communication. c. People with high power feel less need to display power because they know their communication will be listened to and their wishes granted. 2. Power can be used ethically or unethically. 3. Power is granted by individuals or groups, which makes it a social construct. 4. Power influences conflicts, whereby people wield whatever power they have in pursuit of their own goals. B. Power currency is a resource that others value. Five power currencies can exist in relationships: 1. Resource currency includes material things such as money, property, and food. 2. Expertise currency comprises special skills or knowledge. 3. Social network currency involves links with influential others, such as friends, family, and acquaintances. 4. Personal currency consists of personal characteristics—physical beauty, intelligence, charm, communication skill, and sense of humor. 5. Intimacy currency exists when you share a close bond with someone that no one else shares. C. Gender has a significant role in the enactment of power. 1. In patriarchal societies, men have used cultural practices to maintain their societal, political, and economic power. 2. The power difference manifests itself in men's tendency to expect women to listen attentively to everything they say, while men select the topics they wish to attend to when women are speaking. 3. Women often feel as though their viewpoints are ignored at home and at work. D. Views of power differ significantly across cultures. 1. In any culture, views of power depend on the degree to which the culture values each type of power currency. For example, Asian and Latino cultures place very high value on resource currency, so wealthy people are perceived as more powerful in those cultures.

conflict

the process that occurs when people perceive that they have incompatible goals or that someone is interfering in their ability to achieve their objectives. A. Four features characterize most conflicts: 1. Conflict begins with perception. 2. Conflict involves clashes in goals or behaviors. 3. Conflict is a process. 4. Conflict is dynamic. B. Conflict can devolve into kitchen-sinking, in which combatants introduce topics that have little to do with the original disagreement.

territoriality

the tendency to claim physical spaces as our own and to define certain location (such as our homes and/or our workspace) as areas we don't want others to invade without permission a) be prepared to adjust your use of space in accordance with your conversational partner's preference b) be aware that your preference for large or small personal space may not be shared by people from other cultures

artifacts

the things we use to express our identity to others, such as cars, electric gadgets, and watches- is highly regarded as attractive across cultures -convey both power and status

relational inclusion

the violation of one's independence and privacy by a person who desires an intimate relationship. 1. Two forms of intrusion are common: monitoring and controlling (e.g., persistent texts inquiring after your whereabouts) and invasion of privacy (e.g., searching your computer). 2. In post-relationship intrusion, the ex-partner may be physically followed or receive gifts, messages, and exaggerated levels of affection; this behavior can lead to the criminal offense of stalking. 3. If the relationship is intact, intrusion generates negative impressions, uncertainty, and relational turmoil, possibly sparking a desire to seek revenge against or act violently toward the intruding partner. 4. Intrusion is best handled by realizing the intrusion is unacceptable and unethical, and by speaking directly to the intruder (using "I" language and not lashing out).

dating violence

violence crosses all demographic boundaries and is commonly misperceived. 1. Violent behaviors escalate slowly. 2. Potential abusers mask their violence until a relationship is firmly established. 3. Relationship repair strategies will not prevent or cure dating violence. 4. If you are a victim of dating violence, your only recourse is to safely exit the relationship. It is recommended a person in this situation do the following: a. Cut all ties to the abuser. b. Have a safety plan to keep the abuser from knowing your whereabouts. 5. Consult professionals for help.

vocalics

vocal characteristic we use to communicate nonverbal messages, have communicative power 1) voice projects social, ethnic, and individual identity 2) vocalics strongly shape our perceptions of others when we first meet them 3) the voice has four characteristics: tone, pitch, loudness, and speech rate a) tone is the most complex of human vocalic characteristics and involves a combination of richness and breathiness b) pitch (high voice or low voice) shapes our impressions of people and, in turn, the impressions we others create of us c) emphasis and social decorum are related in obvious ways loudness d) a critical technique for effective speaking is controlling speech rate; people often slow their rate to improve communication

6 types of love

within range of passion and compassionate love 1) storage (friendly love) deep feeling of friendship that is stable and predictable 2) agape (forgiving love) involves patience, selflessness, giving w/ high regard to partner's welfare and happiness 3) mania (obsessive love) involves intense, tumultuous, extreme, all-consuming love 4) pragma (practical love) logical, rational, founded in common sense 5) ludus (game-playing love) consists of fun w/out commitment 6) eros (romantic love) involves sentimental, romantic, committed, idealistic love for partner

family stories

—narrative accounts shared repeatedly within a family that retell historical events and bond the family together. A. Family members often collaborate in telling stories by adding details, disagreeing, correcting discrepancies, and confirming perspectives. B. Family stories are not always positive—some criticize family values, and actions, and they may involve histories of abandonment, abuse, or parental oppression. C. Family stories take numerous forms: 1. Courtship stories explain how the parents fell in love. 2. Birth stories narrate the latter stages of pregnancy, childbirth, and early infancy of a child. 3. Adoptive parents create entrance stories about how and why children joined their new families. 4. Survival stories relate the coping strategies family members have used to deal with major challenges (achieving financial independence, fulfilling educational goals, surmounting wartime trauma, etc.). D. The creation and telling of such stories promote a sense of family identity. E. To ensure that family stories strengthen, rather than erode, family relationships, select experiences that cast the family and individual members in a positive light and that emphasize unity.