Comm 2020 Exam#2 Ch5,6,7,8,9
sexual scripts: refusing and accepting sexual inviations
In early dating relationships: Men as "initiators"; women as "gatekeepers" In married relationships, women more likely to be facilitators Some men see women's objections as "token resistance" "No" means no
topics commonly avoided or kept secret family secrets
In families, the three most common secrets are: 1.finances 2.substance abuse 3.premarital pregnancy Families also keep secrets in different ways: Whole Family Secrets-lead by entire family and kept form outsiders Intrafamily Secrets-some family members have information they keep from other members Individual Secrets-information is held by a single individual and kept secret from other family members
secondary love styles: mania, possessive love
Obsessive love (eros + ludus) High levels of emotional intensity including fear, jealousy and insecurity Have the passion and commitment of eros, but the rules of ludus
principles of communication privacy management cooperation and boundary turbulence
Successful boundary management often requires cooperation between people. boundary insiders-when people involve others in their information boundary management Co-owners of information sometimes undergo boundary turbulence, which occurs when new events force renewed boundary management through: fortification of boundaries- people's lives changes, topics previously avoided (future of relationship) may become acceptable topics (after a marriage proposal) renegotiation of boundaries
primary love styles:storge, friendship love
Friendship love Love based on common interests, values, attitudes, and life goals Develops gradually and tends to be stable, consistent, and enduring.
changes attitudes about sex
Premarital sex steadily increased from 1965 to 2005 A 2004 study found that over 80% of men and women have had premarital sexual intercourse. The vast majority of the U.S. population approve of premarital sex between adults who are in serious dating relationships. Today, around 11% of college men and 13% of college women report that they are virgins
sexual coercoin
Sexual coercion occurs when an individual pressures or forces another to engage in unwanted sexual activity. Verbal insistence is the most common and least aversive method of coercion. Alcohol can contribute to coercion as well as ability to resist coercion.
principles of communication privacy management
The rules for communication boundary management are influenced by five main factors 1.culture- each culture has different rules regarding privacy and self disclosure 2.personality-guides disclosure decisions 3.the relationship-friends versus coworkers, impact the dynamics of privacy and self disclosure 4.sex/gender-women and men's disclosing information on intimate topics 5.motivations -affect how they manage privacy boundaries
managing dialectical tensions topical segmentation
Topical Segmentation: emphasizing different sides of the dialectic based on topic or context example: when anne and connor started having problems, they might decided to reveal positive information about their relationships to others but conceal negative information
relationship initiation
people skilled in relationship initiation know how to approach others and make good first impressions are effective in issuing invitations and making suggests for things to do with new friends
knapp's stages of coming apart stage three
stagnating: communication tense and awkward; generally negative couples tend to give short answers to questions see their discussion about their relationships as "reruns"of past conversations.
sexual scripts: intiaition strageties
Antisocial Acts sexual harassment, holding a grudge, making the partner jealous Logic and Reasoning reassurances, arguments about timing
sexual scripts: intiation stragties
Hinting and Indirect Strategies sexual innuendo, flirting Expressions of Closeness saying "I love you," doing special things for one another Pressure and Manipulation relational threats
positive consequences of secret keeping
Positive Consequences Identity formation in mid-adolescence Cohesion and trust between secret holders Protection and Defense Stress relief due to not having to talk about certain issues with others Preservation of privacy
Altman and Taylor three basic layers of self disclosure
1. superficial layer that is easy to penetrate 2.a social or personal layer that is easy for most friends, family member, and lover to penetrate 3.a very intimate layer, or core, that is seldom revealed and then only to people who are completely trusted graph of onion
topics commonly avoided or kept secret
A wide variety of topics are avoided or kept secret within relationships In romantic relationships and friendships, the three most common secrets are: 1.dating or sexual history 2.an affair 3.personality opinion conflicts
secondary love styles: agape, compassionate love
Altruistic love (storge + eros) Have the passion of eros and the stable, enduring love of storge focused on giving than receiving
affectionate communication
As a critical incident in the development of close relationships The Paradox of Affection- though affection is often intended and usually perceived by others to be a positive communicative move, it can backfire for a number of reasons and produce negative outcomes affectionate communication is key to establishing relationships and keeping them close
courtship stages
Attention Courtship Readiness Positioning Invitations and Sexual Arousal Resolution * Courtship vs. Quasi-Courtship
consequences of topic avoidance
Avoidance is generally associated with less relational satisfaction, but there are exceptions Avoidance may only be harmful when the topic being avoidant is relevant to the relationship. The Standards for Openness Hypothesis the hypothesis shows people's perceptions of how much their partner is avoiding influences satisfaction more than partner's actual avoidance the perception of a partner's avoidance is harmful to relationship satisfaction to the extent that it comes across as a sign of a bad relationship.
sex differences in the experience and expression of closeness
Both men and women value close relationships Men friends show closeness primarily through shared interests and activities (agentic friendship) Women friends show closeness primarily through self-disclosure and affectionate nonverbal communication (expressive friendship) People who prefer or have a lot of cross-sex friends tend to communicate in less stereotypically feminine or masculine ways in their friendships
communication privacy management boundary structures based on two elements
Boundary structures are based on two elements: Ownership: who has the right to control the information Permeability: rules govern who can access the information that we own
consequences of secret keeping
Why is it Hard to Keep a Secret? Hyperaccessibility and the rebound effect hyper.-research on the effects of secret keeping on individuals has focused on how keeping information secret influences people's though pattern rebound-triggering thoughts that are normally suppressed The fever model of self-disclosure-people who are distressed about a problem or who think about a problem a lot are much more likely to reveal thoughts/feelings about the problem than those who are not experiencing anxiety about an issue Negative Consequences-impacts quality of interactions,encourage concealment of relational problems leads to deception, suppressing information can lead to depression Self esteem- keeping secrets can bring down a person's self esteem with feelings of guilt, shame Lower quality interaction with people from whom the secret is kept Concealment of relational problems and related deception Depression, stress, and aggression
developing sexual attitudes and beliefs
Culture Media Parents Peers Past Relationships
managing dialectical tensions cyclic alternation
Cyclic Alternation: cycling back and forth between the two sides
communication, sexual satisfaction and relational satisfaction
Direct communication about sex leads to greater sexual satisfaction, which in turn contributes to more relational satisfaction. Indirect communication about sex has the opposite effect. Sexual satisfaction is important, but love, supportiveness, and compatibility are usually better predictors of relational satisfaction
primary love styles:eros, romantic love
Erotic love, rooted in feelings, affection, attraction and sexual desire Powerful, passionate and romantic love Develops suddenly based on intuition and spontaneity.
primary love styles: ludus, game playing love
Game playing love Approaches love as a game or a series of challenges "Playing the Field" can be manipulative and is not likely to develop into lasting relationships
person centered messages high person
Highly Person-centered messages that acknowledge, elaborate on, and validate the feelings and concerns of the distressed person are especially comforting. "I'd be frustrated to get a C too, especially if I studied hard and was as smart as you are. I bet you'll figure out how to do better next time."
decision making process for revealing secrets
If the secret isn't troubling someone, it is easy to keep. If the secret is troubling, people determine whether an appropriate confidant is available.(ruminations,anxiety,depression,etc) If an appropriate confidant is available, the secret is shared with her or him; if not, the secret is kept. (discreet,nonjudgemental,able to help)
sexual scripts: refusing and accepting sexual inviations
Indirect refusal and the issue of face-saving Women are sometimes polite rather than direct when resisting because they don't want to offend the partner or are worried about losing the relationship. But men are rarely hurt, offended, or angered when women use direct verbal resistance
colours of love
John A. Lee Based on literature and interviews. Three primary love styles (blue, red, and yellow), with six secondary combinations.
person centered messages low
Low person-centeredness messages implicitly or explicitly deny the legitimacy of the distressed person's feelings. "It's only one test, so don't make a big deal out of it." Messages that combine high person-centeredness and high levels of nonverbal immediacy are most effective.
person centered messages moderately
Moderately person-centered messages acknowledge the distressed person's feelings, but they do not help the distressed person contextualize or elaborate on his or her feelings. "I'll bet the test was really hard so you shouldn't feel so bad."
understanding love styles
Most people blend styles Partner's love style may influence our style Love styles change over time Couples tend to match styles, but may develop compatible styles No style is intrinsically good or bad, healthy or unhealthy.
managing dialectical tensions neutralization
Neutralization: occurs when couples avoid fully engaging either side of the dialectical tension
types of closeness in relationships
Physical Closeness: sharing spatial proximity and physical contact people have example:sitting next to each other Emotional Closeness: having a sense of shared experiences, trust, enjoyment, concern, and caring in a relationship Relational Closeness: having strong, enduring, and diverse forms of interdependence; influence one another's thoughts, behaviors & emotions
secondary love styles: pragma, practical love
Pragmatic love (ludus + storge) Use manipulative means of ludus to find a partner with whom they can develop a stable, enduring love (storge)
three general orientations towards sex
Procreational: sex is for making babies Recreational: sex is for fun Relational: sex is an expression of intimacy * Serial monogamy is the predominant pattern in the U.S., which reflects a relational orientation
managing dialectical tensions reframing
Reframing: adjusting perceptions so that the dialectics are viewed as complementary rather than contradictory (e.g., "If I told her everything all the time, there wouldn't be anything new or interesting left for us to talk about.")
motivations for topic avoidance
Relationship-Based: Relationship Protection- single biggest motivators leading to avoidance of particular issue with a relational partner Relationship Destruction-avoid discussing certain topics or keep secrets in hopes of destroying the relationship or preventing it from becoming close Individual-Based: Identity Management-certain topic might make them look bad Privacy Maintenance-rooted in individuals needs for privacy and autonomy
dialectical perspective
Relationships are dynamic rather than static entities. In healthy relationships people adapt to one another's changing needs by managing dialectical tensions. These tensions are communicated discursively view relationships a series of linear stages; people move both toward and away from optimal level of closeness
managing dialectical tensions selection
Selection: Deciding to value one side of the dialectic more than the other example: anne realizes how different they are, she keeps her thoughts to her self to avoid an argument
self disclosure
Self-disclosure is:communication that reveals something about the self to others example: if someone is wearing a cross they are disclosing information about themselves and their affiliations
supportive communciation
Tangible aid: providing physical assistance, goods, or services Network support: involves directing someone to a person or group who can help because they have had similar experiences
Baxter's relational dialectics theory external and internal
Tensions can be internal or external: Internal: within the relational dyad External: a couple's interaction with people outside of the dyad
invisible support vs visible support
The Invisible Support Phenomenon: Support attempts that go unnoticed by recipients are highly effective in reducing distress Visual support messages are especially ineffective when they imply that the distressed person is incompetent Invisible support messages are especially effective when they are responsive in terms of validating the distressed person
communication privacy management sandra petroino
The theory explains how individuals maintain privacy by setting up boundary structures to control the risks inherent in disclosing private information
turning point analysis
a map of the rockier roads that includes all of the important ups and downs that influence the growth and in some cases the demise of close relationships
conflict management
are better able to listen to their partner, understand their partner's perspective (even if they disagree) and refrain from communicating hostile feelings during conflicts.
knapp's stages of coming apart stage four
avoiding:physical and psychological distance best defined as physical separation, communication becomes even less frequent such as "I don't know" or "I don't care" achieve as much physical and psychological distance as possible
communication closeness affectionate communication
behavior that communicates feelings of fondness and positive regard.
communication closeness immediacy
behavior that increases physical and emotional closeness, signals warmth, and promotes involvement between people
emotional support
being able to listen empathetically to people's problems and concerns, as well as being able to offer advice that is well received by others. effective emotional support- entails being warm and responsive to others rather then trying to tell people what to do.
negative assertion
being able to say no to a friend's request, stand up for one's rights within a relationship and tell a partner when one's feelings are hurt if negative assertions are stated in a constructive rather then a critical manner, they can help people avoid relationship problems
knapp's stages of coming together stage five
bonding: public commitment; cohabiting, marriage making future plans and promises, taking vows and getting married
affection exchange theory
by floyd based on the idea that affectionate communication is a biologically adaptive behavior that evolved because it helps people provide and obtain valuable resources necessary for survival
knapp's stages of coming apart stage two
circumscribing:frustrated, distant, misunderstood communication becomes constricted in both depth and breath everyday small talk
stage model approach
describe various stages that relationships go through as people develop their relationships and can break up
knapp's stages of coming apart stage one
differentiating: function more as individual than a couple when people begin to behave as individuals rather as a couple and emphasize difference a the expense of simliarites. Start arguing and notice more incompatibilities
crisis and conflict
disengagement and conflict includes a couple's first big fight, attempts to de escalate or withdraw from the relationships, and actual relational breakups sacrifice or support- being there to support and comfort each other in crisises
managing dialectical tensions neutralization strategies two
disqualification-involves being ambiguous so neither side of the dialectic is engaged tactics such as changing the topic or avoiding an issue
activities and special occasions turning points
engaging in activity and spend quality time together romantic partners do occasions such as meeting the family, going on trips together
knapp's stages of coming together stage two
experimenting: small talk- communication that is high in breadth but low in depth
commitment and exclusivity
external competition, serious commitment how committed two people are to each other an their relationship external competition- occurs when a person feels threatened by a third party or an activity that is taking up a lot of the partner's time
risks associated with self disclosure
fear of exposure or rejection- people worry about too much self disclosure will expose their negative qualities and cause others to think badly of them fear of retaliation or angry responses-worry that their partners might become angry or use what they disclose against them fear of loss of control-if they engage in too much self disclosure, they will lose control of their thoughts and feelings or to others fear of losing one's individuality-fear losing their personal identity and being engulfed by the relationship
motivations for topic avoidance
final set of reasons people choose to avoid disclosure or keep information to themselves is based on the information they expect to receive from the other person Information-Based: Partner Unresponsiveness-example: if you have a problem and need advice, you think your friend will be unable to provide you with much help or will not care Futility of Discussion-engage in topic avoidance or secret keeping when they believe that talking about a particular topic would be futile or a waste of time Communication Inefficacy-less focused on failings of the 'other' and more on the self.
dimensions of self disclosure valence and veracity
final two dimensions valence:positive and negative 'charge' or the self disclosure example: disclose your dreams, happiest child memories or your biggest fears veracity: how honest or deceptive self disclosure is example:guy exaggerating about his job
Baxter's relational dialectics theory
focuses on discursive tensions which can be thought of as messages that have two seemingly contradictory meanings example: I'm kinda seeing him(discursive tension) but we're not serious(autonomy)
turning point approach
focuses on major events that shape people's relationships in positive and negative ways
dimensions of self disclosure frequency and duration
frequency:how often people self disclose duration:how long people self disclose
communication based turning points
get to know time; quality communication first meeting and first dates
topics commonly avoided or kept secret six general topics to avoid
guerro and afifi's six general topics that are commonly avoided in close relationships 1.relationship issues- relationship norms, state and future of relationship, amount of attention 2.negative experiences or failures- past experiences that may be considered socially unacceptable or were traumatic 3.romantic relationship experiences- past or present romantic relationships and dating patterns 4.sexual experiences-past/present sexual activity 5.friendships-current friendships,qualities,activities engaged in 6.dangerous behavior-behaviors that are potentially hurtful to someone
knapp's stages of coming together stage four
integrating: dyad has a relational identity-coupling; finishing each other sentences the two people have developed a relational identity; they see themselves as part of a dyad with some aspects of their personalities and experiences over lapping
knapp's stages of coming together stage three
intensifying:increased self, disclosure "we", people increase the depth of their self disclosure and start exchanging information on an emotional level other types of communication common in this stage include displaying affectionate nonverbal communication to each others, using nicknames of forms of endearment such as "we" instead of "I"
Turning points
is "any" event or occurrence that is associated with change in a relationship turning points approach emphasizes those events that stand out in people's minds as having the strongest impact on their relationships In contrast to stage approaches, the turning point approach depicts relationship development as largely nonlinear Studies suggest that around 50-60% of close relationships follow a nonlinear developmental path
passion and romance turning points
marks particular junctures in the development of one's relationships based on level of passion or romance that is present romantic relationship transitions- point or period in time when a relationship changes from being either platonic or nonexistent to being romantic
changes in families and social networks
marriage can change structure of a couple's relationships or family's structures blended families such as the brady bunch having babies- becoming mom,dad,grandpapa,grandmama friend feeling neglected because bff spends more time w/ bf
managing dialectical tensions neutralization strategies one
moderation- striving to reach a 'midpoint' such that couples engage both sides of the dialectic but only to a certain extent
dimensions of self disclosure depth and breadth
most central to the process of relationship development depth:refers to how personal or deep the communication is (intimacy level) breadth:captures how many topics a person feels to discuss(range of topics) has relationships develop they tend to increase in breadth then depth
proximity and distance
physical separation and reunion taking vacations, business trips and school breaks reunions occurred when the period of physical separation was over and the couple was together again
dialectics theory
rather than conceptualizing relationships in terms of stages, people should view relationships as constantly changing
Communication skills for forming a new relationship
relationship initiation emotional support negative assertion conflict management self disclosure
self disclosure
revealing personal information about oneself to others people skilled at this gradually increase the depth of their disclosure so it becomes personal
Altman and Taylor's social penetration theory
self disclosure usually increases gradually as people develop relationships
dimensions of self disclosure
sexual disclosure can conceptualized in terms of six dimensions 1.depth 2.breadth 3.frequency 4.duration 5.valence 6.veracity
communication skills necessary to form and develop relationships
stage model approach turning point approach dialectics approach
knapp's stages of coming together stage one
stage one: initiating - when people meet (initial encounters, greetings) exchanging superficial information that allows strangers and new acquaintances to get to know each other a bit without making themselves vunerable during initial encounters people make decisions about how rewarding they expect a relationship to be
supportive communication
supportive communication has been defined as verbal and nonverbal behavior produced with the intention of providing assistance to others perceived as needing that aid Types of Support Emotional support: expressing care, concern, and empathy Esteem support: used to bolster someone's self-worth by making her or him feel valued, admired, and capable Informational support: giving specific advice, including facts and information that might help someone solve a problem
knapp's stages of coming apart stage five
terminating: break up stage relational partners end contact
perceptual changes
their attitudes toward the partner changed but they cannot figure out why positive psychic change- when attitudes and perceptions become more positive example: anne sees connor more sexually and physically attractive w/out knowing why negative psychic change- attitudes and perceptions become negative example:see relationship as boring even though nothing has really changed
indirect and nonverbal affectionate communication
there are two types of affectionate communication that are indirect and nonverbal expressions of affection: 1.Support Behaviors-involve giving someone emotional or instrumental support example: show support for to a new mother 2.Idiomatic Behaviors-have a specific meaning only to people in a particular relationship example: having an insider with someone
direct and nonverbal affectionate communication
three classes of behavior in particular have been found to do so in a relatively unambiguous manner that is consistent with social meaning model: Physical Contact and Close Distancing- involves touching Eye Behavior-mutual gaze is related to liking Vocalic Behavior-speaking tenderly or in a warm voice
Sternberg's triangular theory of love
three components related to love: Passion- intensity of emotions and attraction. hot component of love that consists of motivation and arousal Commitment deliberate choice to remain involved with one another.based on cognition and decision making. the cool component Intimacy- foundation of love; Feelings of closeness, connection, comfort, and tenderness. feelings of emotional connection and closeness and has been called 'warm' part of love
direct and verbal affectionate communication
types of verbal behavior communicate affection Self-Disclosure-allows people to develop shared knowledge about shared one another & this leads to emotional and relational closeness Direct Emotional Expressions-expressing feelings by using phrases "I love you", most direct and least ambiguous way to communicate affection to others but leave the door open for rejection Compliments and Praise-make people feel good about themselves and relationships Assurances-direct messages about people's commitment level in relationship "relationship talk"
communication closeness social support
verbal and nonverbal behavior produced with the intention of providing assistance to others; these behaviors often communicate concern and caring
