family exam 2

How is a "bride price" different from a "dowry"?

"Bride price" is something the husband gives to the wife's family as a price for marrying her, and a "dowry" is when the wife does it.

What are some examples of "love myths" that can lead people to choose partners who might not be right for them in the long term?

-"the right person will meet all of my needs", that is too much to expect out of anyone -"I can change my partner", only person you can change is yourself -"love will conquer all", face differences in values, personal habits, etc. before long-term commitment -"love is a feeling", love is an action and a choice -"we'll live happily ever after", every relationship requires work, it's not right to assume a relationship won't just because there is love

What is permanence?

-"until death do us part" -marriage is a lifelong undertaking. Including providing emotional and financial security

What is "individualized marriage"?

-4 interrelated characteristics 1. it is optional 2. spouses' roles are flexible—negotiable and renegotiable 3. its expected rewards involve love, communication, and emotional intimacy 4. it exists in conjunction with a vast diversity of family forms

How does marriage involve a "social exchange"?

-A basic idea of exchange theory is that whether relationships form or continue depends on the rewards and costs they provide to the partners. -So people will pick relationships that they perceive will yield the most rewards with the least cost. -Bargaining tools besides money: intelligence, physical attractiveness, humor, earning potential, education, etc.

Why are fewer cohabiting couples of today getting married than was true back around 1990?

-As cohabitation has increased in social acceptance, individuals engaging in this since 1990 have proven to be less likely to get married as cohabiting allows for two people to delay marrying one another since they no longer see marriage as "the next big step". -Though, over half of married couples state that they did live together at some point prior to marriage. -Lower-income couples cohabiting are much less likely to get married as well.

How has the exchange changed over the last sixty or so years?

-As gender roles become more alike, exchange between partners may increasingly include expressive, affective, sexual, and companionship resources for both partners -Both genders, as women have had more access to education and are granted more freedoms and job opportunities, equally look for attractiveness, earning potential, and emotional support.

Why do so any more young adults still live with their parents than in the past?

-Because of the economic recession that started in 2007, many college/high school graduates needed the economic security afforded while staying at home as finding a job became more difficult. -Those who leave home and return are called boomerangs. -Many books also argue that generations of children have been coddled and spoiled and lack the necessary skills to transition to adulthood as well. -Also, some studies suggest that children and their parents of this generation are more likely to see eye-to-eye than those in the past.

Do both men and women engage equally in interpersonal violence (IPV)?

-Both genders can engage equally in physical partner violence -But the damage done by males to females far outweighs the opposite -Women are more likely to "hit back" than to start the altercation.

On what grounds are some family scholars concerned about the increasing number of children being raised in cohabiting families?

-Children in cohabiting relationships are more likely to experience transitions and changes in their family life and have less stability. -Since these couples are also more likely to break up, it is possible that a child will have one biological parent living elsewhere or not as involved in its life as the other parent. -A lot of couples also exhibit "intermittent cohabitation" where one parent moves out, moves back in, moves back out, and so forth.

According to research on gay and lesbian families, how do children fare in same-sex families?

-Children of same-sex marriages have shown to be relatively well-adjusted and there are few differences between them and children from heterosexual relationships. -However, these children are at a higher risk of bullying or social isolation.

How do cohabiters differ from marrieds?

-Cohabiters are nonmarried individuals who live together and are sexually available to one another. Basically a prelude or replacement of marriage. -Research shows that, compared to marrieds, cohabiters are often less educated, earn less money, and are less likely to own their own home. -Cohabiters are more likely to have nontraditional views on things such as gender roles and have less similar character traits than do marrieds

Do poor people value marriage less than wealthier people, or are there other reasons the poor marry at lower rates?

-Critics argue that low-income individuals do value marriage but that it is much harder for them to accomplish. -Declining job opportunities for the less educated, high unemployment rates in poor neighborhoods, and likelihood of multiple partners or illegal activity that comes along with living in a lower SES community all contribute to this fact.

How do "dating" and "nondating" generally differ?

-Dating is an alternative to old-fashioned courtship as two individuals develop interest in one another, schedule a date, get to know each other, and develop a relationship. -Nondating is a part of the "hooking up" culture and does not involve creating a long lasting emotional connection or relationship but is instead more sex central.

How does the decline view of deinstitutionalization differ from the change view?

-Decline view: our culture's unchecked individualism has caused widespread moral weakening and self-indulgence. Think that since Americans are more self-centered today, they are less likely to marry, more likely to divorce, and less child-centered -Change view: These thinkers point out that people who look back with nostalgia to the good old days may be imagining incorrectly the situation that characterized marriage throughout most of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries. For example, women frequently dying in child birth left many children with one parent.

Does marriage to someone of a different religion or race/ethnicity affect the chance for marital success and happiness?

-Discriminatory pressure from society on heterogamous marriages eventually will take a psychological toll. -Interracial couples are not necessarily more likely to divorce, but that it is stronger because of one race being a more divorce-prone race. -Interfaith relationships also feel a lot of pressure, mostly because of the value-consensus related to each faith or beliefs of those without faith.

What other factors contributed to today's higher rates of singleness?

-Economic factors also contributed as many more women have access to higher education and higher job positions, so they sometimes view marriage as a bad bargain compared to their financial and sexual independence. -Contraception factors contributed as many delay marriage and put it off as there are now effective means of prohibiting conception. -Artificial insemination contributes as women no longer necessarily need sex with a partner in order to have a baby. -Cultural changes contribute, such as younger people being more focused on education and career opportunities, premarital sex being viewed in a more accepting light, "hooking up" practices, greater interest in personal autonomy, and divorce being more widely accepted also makes marriage seem less desirable.

Research shows that the acceptability of cohabitation in a society varies in terms of different "stages." Where is the U.S. with respect to these stages?

-First stage: heterosexuals most often married without living together first. -Second stage: more people began living together as a kind of courtship before marriage and to see how well two people work together for a long term goal, and most married in pregnancy. -Third stage: social acceptability - people find cohabiting as an acceptable alternative to marriage even with the plans of bearing children. This is where the U.S. is. -Fourth stage: cohabitation and marriage are virtually indistinguishable socially and legally

What is the difference between a communal (or collectivist) society and an individualistic society?

-In individualistic societies, one's own self-actualization and interests are a valid concern. -In collectivist societies, people identify with and conform to the expectations of their extended kin.

personality and lifestyle filter

-In order for relationships to flourish in the long term, couples need not only be physically and emotionally compatible but also intellectually, ideologically, and spiritually compatible.

What trends are occurring with respect to marriage in the U.S. today?

-Increase of cohabitation -increased divorced rates -marrying at an older age compared to a younger age as it was in the early-to-mid 20th century -ensuring economic security prior to marriage - a more love-driven incentive to finding a partner.

Are the scripts for men and for women universally the same across race, ethnicity, and other factors, or do these scripts vary somewhat?

-It does differ across race, ethnicity, and other factors. -African Americans are more likely than whites to include "meeting the family" and exhibit larger gender differences in dating expectations, especially regarding sexual behavior.

Does cohabitation (living together before marriage) guarantee success in marriage?

-It is somewhat unclear whether and to what extent cohabitation is related to marital success. -Numerous studies have found that cohabitation before marriage increases the likelihood of divorce -More recent studies have found that this relationship may be waning and may increasingly depend on couples' education, income, and the number of previous cohabitations.

Where is "covenant marriage" available, do most people opt for it?

-Louisiana, Arizona, and Arkansas -Very few couples opt to do a covenant marriage in these states, it is very unpopular

Hanukkah

-Nov. through Dec. -Jewish Christmas

What are the advantages of "institutional marriage"?

-Offered pragmatic and economical support -rewards that we often associate with custom and tradition (knowing what to expect in almost every situation)

demographic and social filter

-People tend to form committed relationships with people of similar race, age, education, religious background, and social class -People find it easier to communicate and feel at home with those who they share these similarities with

Why are there more single people today (about 44% of the population of U.S. adults) than was true in the past?

-Reasons that there are more singles today include higher divorce rates, a growing proportion of elderly widows, and people choosing to postpone marriage so that, for example, they can focus on their career or education. -Demographic, economic, and cultural reasons also prevent individuals from getting/staying married

Rhythms of an ethical/Halakhic Life: Seasonal cycles

-Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur -Sukkot -Hanukkah -Purim -Pesach/Passover -Shavuot

What is sexual exclusivity?

-The person you marry is your sole sexual partner, with the exception of societies that are accepting of other arrangements such as polygamists. -This also extends to emotional centrality, wherein a partner does not rely on someone outside of the relationship to provide emotional support or security

Why did there used to be more men than women in the U.S.? Why is the reverse true today?

-There used to be more men because a considerable amount of women died in childbirth and because more men chose to migrate to the U.S. than did women. -Today, the situation is reversed due to changes in immigration patterns and advances in women's health.

How is today's arranged marriage a bit different than it was traditionally?

-Today, it is more common for the children to marry only when they themselves accept their parents' choice. -One twist is "speed dating" among Muslim families residing in the U.S.

Why are married people more likely than other people to say they are "very happy"?

-Two people can live cheaply as one. -Selection hypothesis, meaning most people with a higher sense of well-being will choose to marry -Experience hypothesis, stating that it is the marriage experience itself that makes people happier -both hold true -Furthermore, marital status has been shown to be more important to husbands and marital satisfaction to be more important to women. -Marriage also offers enhanced social support and continuity, wherein two people establish a long history of meaning with one another.

How is the change from collectivism to individualism reflected in changes in the family?

-Weakened kinship authority: in collectivist societies, extended family had much more say in the rearing of children. This is not so in an individualistic society, where the parents are expected to take this role. -Finding one's own marriage partner: arranged marriages were popular in collectivist societies, but not in individualistic. Arranged marriage decisions include the entire family's input. -Marriage and love: love became a major driving factor in one's decision on marriage, whereas in a culture of arranged marriages, marriage was a tool used for the good of the community or the families involved. Using love as guidance for marriage allows for a lot of autonomy.

What is pool of eligibles?

-a group of individuals who are the all-unmarried or all-unpartnered individuals -The "stores" at which "shoppers" shop from in the marriage market analogy

What is "covenant marriage"?

-a type of legal marriage in which the bride and groom agree to be bound by a marriage contract that will not let the get divorced as easily as is allowed under no-fault divorce laws -Very difficult to get divorced unless under specific circumstances such as separation for over 2 years, imprisonment, desertion, abuse, ect.

What is exogamy?

-also the opposite of endogamy -Marrying outside of one's group

death rituals

-body is not to be defiled in any way -should be buried by sundown, and at most the sundown the next day -body is to be placed directly in soil, if not use only a wooden casket that will decay

Life cycle rituals

-brit/bris milah -bar/bat mitzvah -marriage -death

Shavuot

-celebrating the reaching down to humanity -7 weeks between Passover and Shavuot

structural patterns of love control

-child marriage: child is powerless to resist arranged marriage -limits on the field of eligible mates: rules on who you can and can't marry-> can't marry a married person, incest, ect. -exogamy -endogamy -premarital isolation of the sexes: boys hang with men, girls hang with women; tends to be expensive and hard to do -chaperoning: and unmarried person, usually female, is accompanied by an older, usually female, companion either paid or kin who prevents inappropriate interaction with the other sex

brit/bris milah

-circumcision -no physical ceremony for girls, don't have to mark on them -instead, they have naming ceremonies

Middle Ages- 12th century and love

-courtly love -Andrew the Chaplain- The Art of Courtly Love

contemporary/Reform view

-egalitarian -less of social hierarchy, all are equal -instead of wife submitting to husband, they are equal -do good to others and they will do good to you

cohabitation and engagement filter

-engagement is a sign that two individuals are serious about forming a long term relationship, and usually the time between engagement and marriage is used to "test out" certain marital aspects such as living with one another -though research is unclear whether and to what extent cohabitation is related to marital success

traditional/Orthodox view

-equilibrium -charity restores equilibrium and balance -Such as, slave owners would treat their slaves well and slaves would submit themselves to the masters

Yetzer hara

-evil impulse -does not mean "sinful" impulse -Just because you have the impulse to have sex, doesn't mean it's sinful -when it gets out of control, it becomes destructive

Why do "serial cohabitors" (who have cohabited with several different people over the years) seem more likely to divorce once they do finally marry?

-experience hypothesis: experiences within cohabiting contribute to greater likelihood of divorce. Such as "successful" cohabitations proving that there are alternatives to marriage itself, and younger people being more tolerant of divorce because of cohabiting due to being exposed to a wider range of family/living arrangements. Another reason being that a lot of cohabiting couples simply see marriage as the next step, or something they're just "supposed" to do. -Selection hypothesis: posits simply that those who choose to cohabit are inherently different than those who choose not to, and those who choose to cohabit are just more inclined to divorce. "Serial cohabitors are more likely to have low relative education and income as well as effective problem solving and communication skills.

Rosh Hashanah

-first day of the new year -10 days of awe -fall, Sep./Oct.

What are the major "filters" that tend to steer people toward marrying partners similar to themselves?

-geographic availability -demographic and social filter -physical attractiveness filter -personality and lifestyle filter -cohabitation and engagement filter

geographic availability

-how close in proximity certain groups are. -For example, as more people immigrate to the U.S. and create larger communities, the geographic availability of people of the same ethnicity increases. People of the same social class also tend to send their children to the same schools, furthering homogamy even more

social control of mate choice

-indirect parents and peer control: common where peer control exist, especially where there is a youth culture -product of the high school system -few direct controls on mate choice, mostly indirect: parents-which school district you go to; peers- who you get to know in organizations, may be more or less appropriate

Rhythms of an ethical/Halakhic Life: Daily

-individual; ritual items -shema

Considerable research evidence suggests that married people and their children are better off in a number of ways than those who don't marry. How does the "experience hypothesis" explain it?

-it holds that something about the experience of being married itself causes these benefits -So, simply the experience of being married to someone else eventually and intrinsically leads to these benefits occurring.

What is the "principle of least interest"?

-it is when the less-involved or less-committed partner has the most control over the relationship. -The lesser-valued partner is more inclined to jealousy yet more willing to forgive.

Considerable research evidence suggests that married people and their children are better off in a number of ways than those who don't marry. How does the "selection hypothesis" explain such evidence?

-it posits that many of the benefits associated with marriage (ex. higher income/wealth and better health) actually result from the personal characteristics of those who choose to marry -Increasingly, individuals with superior education, incomes, and physical and mental health are more likely to marry

What are the disadvantages of "institutional marriage"?

-it was generally organized under patriarchal authority, requiring a wife's obedience to her husband and the kinship group -during the time when this type of marriage was popular, child and spouse abuse/neglect was not seen as a crime but as a "family issue"

What is halakhic life?

-justice and charity

What various living arrangements are typical of the unmarried?

-living alone -living alone (or apart) together -living with parents -group or communal living

marriage rituals

-many choose not to get married or delay marriage -many choose not to have kids -those who do marry do so out of following a mitzvot, because God does command for marriage to happen -marriage is seen as a sacrament, not a contract -divorce is easier

Life of Torah

-means that men study and apply those laws in ways that makes sense to them -part of their mitzvot

What is martyring?

-minimizing the importance of your needs and exemplifying your partner's. -Needs should be considered equally; one's is not greater than the other's. Excessive self-sacrificing.

Rhythms of an ethical/Halakhic Life: Weekly

-minyan: group of 10 men required for Jewish public worship -Sabbath

bar/bat mitzvah

-mitzvah = commandment -bar = son -bat = girl -bat mitzvahs aren't public ceremonies for Orthodox Jews

Ancient Romans and Love

-most important works are from the first century AD -most works about love come from the philosopher Ovid- wrote The Art Of Love -arranged marriages: based on politics, alliances, economics

physical attractiveness filter

-most individuals marry someone similar to themselves on a physical attractiveness level. -Men usually use this advantage to find mates while women use it to secure committed relationship by delaying intercourse

Ancient Greek 5th Century BC: started writing about love

-most works by Plato -women seen as inferior -patriarchal society -practiced arranged marriage -Plato felt love was vital to life and it was tied to virtue and goodness -common love and heavenly

How prevalent is "covenant marriage" in the U.S.?

-only available in 3 states: Louisiana, Arizona, and Arkansas -it has failed to become a serious social movement -never spread from the original 3 states

What is heterogamy?

-opposite of endogamy -Choosing someone dissimilar in race, age, education, religion, or social class

What are some consequences of "individualized marriage"?

-people deciding not to marry because they can't find their "soul mate" -high divorce rates -lower birthrate as individuals focus on option in addition to raising children

Tikkum Olam

-repair the world -traditional/Orthodox view: Jews -contemporary/Reform view: universal

Heavenly Love

-something spiritual and intellectual -"brain" love -considered to be with homosexuals -women seen as so inferior that they could not experience love in the same way as 2 males could -gave us the idea that love can be both physical and spiritual

Purim

-spring/March, Esther 9:26 -Jews eat, drink, and play games of chance

William Goode- social control of mate choice

-states that all societies impose some control over mate selection -patterns of mate selection tend to support the existing social structure -love is possible in all societies, but cultures vary in the degree in which love is institutionalized as a basis for marriage -marriages tend to move toward being more love-based as societies become more industrialized -in arranged marriages or similar types of marriages, there is hope that love and connection will develop -it's easier to control mate selection before love happens, so many social control strategies prevent love

What is commitment?

-the determination to develop relationships in which experiences cover many areas of personality; problems are worked through, conflict is expected as a normal part of the growth process, and there is an expectation that the relationship is basically viable and worthwhile -Committed partners have fun together and share in tedious times as well, they express themselves freely and work to maintain the relationship despite obstacles or difficult times.

What is "companionate marriage"?

-the single-earner, breadwinner-homemaker marriage that flourished in the 1950's -Although husbands and wives would adhere to a sharp division of labor, they were supposed to be each other's companion (friends, lovers), in a realization of trends beginning in the 1920's -"white picket fence"

What is homogamy?

-the tendency of people to form committed, and especially marital, relationships with others with whom they share certain social characteristics

Mitzvot

-those that concern a person's relation to others/community -613 Mitzvot (commandments)

Why does a society want to control mate selection?

-to support the existing stratification (social status hierarchy) system -to support the existing kinship system

What is "living alone together," and why do people do it?

-two individuals who are committed to a long term relationship with one another but do not live in the same household -usually to increase personal autonomy and freedom

Common Love

-what we would think of as physical, heterosexual or homosexual, love -happened to men and women

Why did "companionate marriage" decline?

-women's increasing educational and work options, coupled with their expectations for marital love, sowed the seeds for the demise of companionate marriage

The Art of Courtly Love

-written by Andrew the Chaplain -written for the elite class may have been written for amusement -wrote about knights and noblewomen- arranges marriages -focuses on extramarital affairs -women controlled the "speed" or "depth" of affairs

The Art of Love

-written for elites -written by Ovid -a book about extramarital affairs -describes love as sensual, sexual, not intellectual, not spiritual -love is warfare- all about who can get as much from someone as you can

What other cultural changes have contributed to people staying single?

-younger people being more focused on education and career opportunities -premarital sex being viewed in a more accepting light, "hooking up" practices, -greater interest in personal autonomy divorce being more widely accepted also makes marriage seem less desirable

Sukkot

4 days after Yom Kippur

About what proportion of relationships continue after violence begins to take place?

About half of abusive relationships continue rather than end.

Does the fact that a new couple's own parents were divorced increase or decrease their own risk of an unstable relationship?

Divorced parents increase the risk of an unstable relationship.

On what grounds has "covenant marriage" been criticized?

Feminists and other critics often criticize it as the important factors of divorce such as abuse and adultery would be difficult and expensive to prove in court.

How does immigration to a "free-choice culture" such as the U.S. affect the practice of arranged marriage?

For immigrants, most have to deal with a divergent set of values. But sometimes, immigrant parents in the U.S. will arrange a spouse for their kids in their home country, and then that spouse will either come to the U.S. for the ceremony or the parents' child will go to the home country for it.

In general, do heterogamous or homogamous marriages have more marital stability?

Homogamous marriages are the happiest and most stable. Heterogamous marriages are more open and prone to conflict between the individuals involved and their families as well. Homogamous marriages are more stable because of so many shared values and attitudes between the individuals.

How do "dating scripts" differ for men and women?

In "dating scripts", "men are more likely to desire and pursue sexual activity, women are more likely to look at dating in terms of the possibility of a committed relationship.

How has the acceptance of cohabitation changed over the last few decades?

In early 20th century, living together outside of marriage was illegal and very uncommon. In the 1960s the idea of cohabitation took off and has risen steadily ever since.

Are the relationships of same-sex couples very different from those of heterosexual couples?

In many aspects the relationships of heterosexuals and same-sex couples are very similar, but obviously there are differences. Same-sex couples must daily negotiate their private relationship within a heterosexual, often heterosexist, world

Why do people tend to marry others similar to themselves, that is, marry "homogamously"?

Individuals tend to make relationship choices in socially patterned ways, viewing only certain others as potentially suitable.

Is love considered in arranging marriage, and if so, when is it expected to develop?

Love is considered, but it is expected to grow after marriage, not before marriage

Pesach/Passover

March/April

Is marriage in and of itself sufficient to alleviate poverty?

Marriage is not sufficient to alleviate poverty but it is still a factor, especially for alleviating child poverty

Why is there more violence in cohabiting than married relationships?

More violence because there is less commitment, plus the other averages of cohabiters (less educated, less income, etc.) contribute as well.

Is it true that arranged marriages involve bargaining but that free-choice marriages involve no bargaining?

No, free-choice marriages involve bargaining except it is bargaining between the individuals instead of their families

Are martyring, manipulating, and "limerence" equivalent to love?

No, they are not equivalent to love.

How common is physical violence among dating couples?

Occurs in 20-40% of relationships

What are some more recent research findings that show that love is important to both teenage boys and men?

Research shows that men are more likely to say I love you first, men take a larger toll than women during breakups, boys are becoming more interested in romantic love than casual sex, men benefit more from the support of a partner, and that men are more likely and more inclined to make public professions of love and other "romantic rituals".

How does the sex ratio explain the growing percentage of the population that is classified as "single"?

Sex ratio explains the growing of "singles" because if there is an inadequate balance of potential mates, this not only limits opportunities for companionship but also discourages some which leads to less persistence in trying to find a mate -97 men to 100 women means there aren't enough companions, though this is just a heterosexual example

Have social media necessarily made love relationships easier to maintain?

Social media can have a negative or positive effect, depending on the individuals' attachment style. Texting can be used to show affection when two people are not with each other, or avoid confrontation to have a fight. Cybersex can lead to greater intimacy especially if two people are long distance dating, but cyber-sexing someone besides your partner is a huge issue. It depends on the people involved in the relationship whether social media and technology hurts/helps.

Which best characterizes the U.S. today, communal (or collectivist) society or an individualistic society?

The U.S. is more of an individualistic society.

What are the two expectations that form the "marriage premise"?

The expectation of permanence and of sexual exclusivity.

What does the U.S. Census Bureau mean when it classifies a person as "single"?

To the U.S. Census Bureau, "single" means unmarried.

What is the traditional, gender-based exchange?

Traditional: women exchange housework duties and their ability to give birth to raise children, along with sexual capabilities, and attractiveness for a man's protection, earnings, and social status

What is "emerging adulthood"?

Young people today spend more time in higher education or exploring options regarding work, career, and family making than in the past.

Yom Kippur

day of deep atonement and fasting

What is "limerence"

fantasizing about being with the limerent object in any kind of situation, not just lust. Fantasizing about how one might develop a relationship with someone and reviewing the last time they interacted over and over, for example. Basically, thinking you've found love without going through the process of discovering love with someone; almost in an obsessive sense

Yetzer hatov

good impulse

What is "institutional marriage"?

marriage as a social institution based on dutiful adherence to the time-honored marriage premise, particularly the norm on permanence

What is endogamy?

marrying within one's social group

How do researchers define love?

measuring the concepts of attachment, intimacy, compassion, infatuation

tzedakah

moral obligations to others

Ethics

moral principles that govern an individual or group's behaviors

Do most unmarried families live in poverty?

no

no

no

Do same-sex couples face any unique difficulties?

same-sex couples experience discrimination and judgement on a global scale, but attitudes have become more accepting over the years and these couples are gaining more rights and recognition.

What is the "marriage gap"?

the disparity in marriage rates between the poor and those who are not poor

What is the "marriage market"?

the sociological concept that potential mates take stock of their personal and social characteristics and then comparison shop or bargain for the best buy (mate) they can get

Halakhah

those that concern a person's relation to God

What does the "deinstitutionalization of marriage" refer to?

time-honored family definitions are changing and family-related social norms are weakening so that they "count for far less" than in the past

What is arranged marriage?

when it is not one's own choice when/who they marry, but instead usually the family's choice

What is manipulating?

working to control the feelings, attitudes, and behavior of your partner or partners in underhanded ways rather than by directly stating your case