HDFS 284 Chapter 5 NIU

Defining Love

~Committed lovers have fun together; they also share tedious times. ~They express themselves freely. ~They do not see problems as indications that their relationship is over. ~They work to maintain their relationship.

Dating Violence: A Serious Sign of Trouble

~Dating violence typically begins with verbal or psychological abuse and tends to occur over jealousy, with a refusal of sex, after illegal drug use or excessive drinking, or upon disagreement about drinking behavior. ~Many women and men are victims of controlling behavior that may or may not include physical violence. ~Technology is often used to monitor a partner's activities and whereabouts. ~A recent study of 28 female undergraduates in abusive dating relationships found that some of these women felt "stuck" with their partner. A majority had assumed a "caretaker identity" similar to martyring.

Indicators of Dating Violence

1. Handles ordinary disagreements with inappropriate anger or rage 2. Struggles to regain self-control when a minor issue triggers anger 3. Goes into tirades 4. Quick to criticize or verbally mean 5. Unduly jealous, restricting, and controlling 6. History of violence in previous relationships

Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love

1. Intimacy - close, connected feelings. 2. Passion - drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation. 3. Commitment - the decision to love someone and maintain that love. ~Passion is quickest to develop and quickest to fade. ~Intimacy develops more slowly. ~Commitment develops more gradually still. ~Consummate Love: composed of all three components, is "complete love, ...a kind of love toward which many of us strive, especially in romantic relationships."

Pool of Eligibles

~A group of individuals who, by background or birth, are considered most likely to make compatible marriage partners.

Attachment Theory and Loving Relationships

~A secure attachment style is associated with better prospects for a committed relationship. ~An insecure/anxious attachment style entails "fear of abandonment" with possible consequences such as jealousy or trying to control one's partner. ~An avoidant attachment style leads one to pass up or shun closeness or intimacy.

Heterogamy: Interfaith Relationships

~About 45 percent of married couples married outside their religion. ~Being highly educated seems to lessen individuals' commitment to religious heterogamy. ~Because Americans are becoming less religious, religious heterogamy can be expected to continue its decline.

The Possibility of Breaking Up

~According to the exchange perspective, couples choose to stay committed or to break up by weighing the rewards of their relationship against its costs. ~When costs outweigh rewards, when there are desirable alternatives, when one's relationship does not match one's ideal, when little has been invested, and when there are fewer barriers to breaking up, couples are more likely to do so.

Dating versus "Nondating"

~Both men and women in the study said that a typical date involved 1) initiation, 2) the date itself, and 3) an outcome. ~Parents are very involved in overseeing their children's behavior. ~Nondating is generally sexual in nature (e.g., "hooking up").

Importance of Cohabitation

~Cohabitation is increasingly thought of as part of the marriage process. ~People intuitively believe that cohabitation allows them to evaluate a potential spouse's compatibility. Some studies indicate this may not be true, however. ~Selection hypothesis: people who cohabit differ from those who don't, and these differences translate into higher divorce rates. ~Experience hypothesis: cohabiting experiences themselves affect individuals so that they are more likely to divorce once married.

Six Love Styles

~Eros: characterized by intense emotional attachment and powerful sexual feelings or desires. ~Storge: an affectionate, compassionate style of loving focused on deepening mutual commitment, respect, friendship, and common goals. ~Pragma: involves rational assessment of a potential partner's assets and liabilities. ~Agape: emphasizes unselfish concern for the beloved's needs even when that requires personal sacrifice. ~Ludus: emphasizes enjoying many sexual partners rather than searching for a serious relationship. ~Mania: rests on strong sexual attraction and emotional intensity. It differs from eros in that manic partners are extremely jealous and moody, and their need for attention and affection is insatiable.

The Wheel of Love

~Four stages of love ~Rapport - rests on mutual trust and respect ~Self-revelation - sharing intimate information ~Mutual dependency - developing interdependence ~Needs fulfillment - developing emotional exchange and support

From Dating to Commitment

~From an interaction-constructionist perspective, qualitative research with serious dating couples shows that they pass through a series of fairly predictable stages.

Reasons for Homogamy

~Geographic availability (propinquity): Geographic segregation, which can result from either discrimination or strong community ties, contributes to homogamous marriages ~Demographic and social filter: We tend to form committed relationships with people who are socially similar to ourselves (endogamy). ~Physical attraction filter: most individuals marry a partner of similar physical attractiveness as their own. ~Personality and lifestyle filter: personality traits can set the tone of the "emotional climate" of marriages. ~Cohabitation and engagement: this final filter provides family and friends one last opportunity to approve the relationship before marriage.

Heterogamy in Relationships

~Heterogamy refers to choosing someone who is dissimilar in race, age, education religion or social class. ~Exogamy is marrying outside one's group.

Interracial and Interethnic Heterogamy

~Interracial marriages include unions between partners of the white, black, Asian, or Native American races with a spouse outside their own race. ~Unions between Hispanics and others, as well as between Asian/Pacific Islander or Hispanic ethnic groups, are interethnic marriages. ~In 2014, only 5 percent of all marriages were between spouses of different races, up from less than 1 percent in 1970. ~However, in 2014 12 percent of newlyweds married someone of a different race.

Love and Commitment

~Love is viewed as the primary reason for getting and staying married. ~Loving involves the acceptance of partners for themselves. ~Loving requires empathy and commitment. ~Commitment is characterized by a willingness to work through problems and conflicts as opposed to calling it quits when problems arise; it involves consciously investing in the relationship.

Nurturing Love and Committed Relationships

~Maintaining a satisfying long-term relationship is challenging. ~Couples who establish a positive relationship while dating have more successful marriages later on.

Love

~Marriages between individuals with a relatively secure attachment style that take place around age 25 and are between partners who grew up in intact families are the most likely to be satisfying and stable.

Arranged Marriages

~Not uncommon in the less Westernized parts of Asia and Africa. ~Assisted marriages have become more common today. Children marry only when they themselves accept their parents choice. ~Couples in arranged marriages are expected to develop a loving relationship after the marriage. ~Some studies indicate that satisfaction among couples with arranged marriages have found no differences in marital satisfaction between couples who have had input in their mate selection. ~In arranged marriages, families and community do the bargaining, based on assets such as status, possessions, and dowry.

Homogamy: Narrowing the Pool of Eligibles

~People tend to marry people of similar race, age, education, religious background, and social class. ~The "pool of eligible" starts out large but is made smaller by propinquity (geographic area), desired demographic and social characteristics, physical attraction, and personal and lifestyle factors.

Reasons for Interracial and Interethnic Relationships

~Racial/ethnic groups are relatively small and have a smaller pool of eligible partners in their own groups. ~Status exchange hypothesis—trading "superior" racial/ethnic status for "superior" economic status. ~Some concern has been expressed about educated black men choosing spouses from other races. ~Acceptance of interracial/interethnic marriage is growing; it is especially high among minorities, younger adults, and those with college degrees.

Heterogamy and Relationship Quality and Stability

~Social scientists find that marriages that are homogamous in age, education, religion, and race are the most stable. ~However, some studies do not support worse outcomes for heterogamous relationships. Interreligious marriages tend to be more stressful and less stable than homogamous ones. ~Private choices are intertwined with public issues.

Free-choice Culture

~The United States is an example of a free-choice culture: ~People choose their own mates, although typically they seek parents' and other family members' support for their decision. ~In freely chosen marriages, the individuals perform a more subtle form of bargaining, weighing the costs and benefits of personal characteristics, economic status, and education.

Social Exchange

~The ideas of bargaining resources in relationships come to us from exchange theory ~Individuals pick the relationship that is most rewarding or least costly. ~In romantic relationships individuals have resources: beauty, personality, status, skills, maturity, intellect, originality, etc. ~Individuals also have costly attributes: being demanding, low status, geographic inaccessibility, etc.

Technology and Datin

~The rapid increase in technology profoundly affected dating relationships, especially with how couples meet. ~Texting and instant messaging have become important in romantic relationships. ~It is unclear if digital communication is replacing in-person communication for couples (substitution hypothesis).

Contemporary Dating

~There is considerable variation in premarital romantic relationships. ~Contemporary dating seems to include some aspects of traditional dating (e.g., sexual behavior) but lacks the commitment associated with being "boyfriend" and "girlfriend.

Gender Differences in Love

~Though love is thought to be the domain of women, recent research suggests that some boys are becoming less focused on casual sex and more on romance. ~Women are more resilient when it comes to love and breakups. ~Despite gendered expectations, love is important and meaningful to men. "Romantic rituals" are often required of men

The Decline of Status Exchange?

~Women expect greater financial success from potential husbands than vice versa, even if they themselves are employed. ~Still, wives today are just as likely to have more education than their husbands. ~One study found no difference between men and women in their desire for a financially successful mate or one who takes on domestic roles. ~Matching: The tendency of individuals to select partners with characteristics similar to their own.

The Traditional Exchange

~Women trade their ability to bear children and perform domestic duties, along with sexual accessibility and attractiveness, for a man's protection, status, and support. ~Both women and men can experience gender related disadvantages in the traditional exchange.