Interpersonal Chapter 12

Elements in Family Communication

words, thoughts, and emotions, they all overlap

Equity

fairness, based on the perception that both people invest equally in a relationship and benefit similarly from their investments.

Diversity in Family Life

25% of households in the USA consist of one person Marriages are arranged by families, Polygamy is practiced in some societies, divorce is allowed only if a spouse denounces ancestors or kills someone in his or her mate's family, dining together without others defines marriage more than sleeping together, marriage joins two families, and couples are intricately connected to both families

What happens when one invests more than the other?

According to equity theory, this would not necessarily mean that the greater investor feels dissatisfied. He or she might not, if, in the past, he or she invested less, or if, in the past, others in the family had given more than their fair share. As long as the relationship is perceived as relatively equitable over time, we're likely to be satisfied

Communication in Families

Each family has its own norms and patterns of communicating. The communication that characterizes a family shapes the closeness, openness, and satisfaction of family members.

Maintain Equity in Family Relationships

One of the most important guidelines for sustaining healthy families is to make fairness a high priority. The responsibilities of maintaining a family should not fall just or primarily on one person. Likewise, the benefits of family life should not be substantially greater for one person than for another

Consensual

Consensual—high conversational orientation & high conformity orientation

When we take charge of our happiness

we can also take ownership of our issues

separates

17% of the couples. As the term implies, separates are highly autonomous. Partners give each other plenty of room, and they share less emotionally than the other two types. Separates also try to avoid conflict, perhaps because it often involves emotional expressiveness and pushes them to negotiate to reach a common decision rather than to operate separately.

Ethnic mothers

African American parents were more likely to act as cultural advisors and to use more stringent discipline than European American parents, African American mothers were more likely than European American mothers to characterize adolescent daughters as "best friends." They also tend to set more hard-and-fast rules and to engage in more sarcasm than European American mothers, In African American families headed by single women, daughters frequently exhibit greater self-reliance and self-esteem than their European American counterparts

Heterosexual vs. homosexual

Compared to heterosexual partners, same-sex couples had more egalitarian relationships in which partners contributed relatively equally to homemaking and child care, when children were present. Gay couples also reported greater happiness, intimacy, and sharing of confidences and less conflict than heterosexual couples

Cohabitation

Couples cannot marry or choose not to marry Laws don't allow, some don't want to, some don't want or are not ready for commitment, reject institution of marriage, people who cohabit before marriage are no more or less likely to divorce than those who don't, some cohabitors view living together as a "trial marriage" that allows them to assess whether they truly want to be together for the long term. For other people, cohabitation is a preferred permanent alternative

traditional category

Couples who fit into the traditional category are highly interdependent and emotionally expressive with each other. Traditional couples also share conventional views of marriage and family life, and they engage in conflict regularly.

Stage 3

Developing a Family-Parent-child relationships are critical influences on children's identities, attachment styles develop in a child's first human relationship, which is usually with a parent, and that parent is more often the mother than the father

Biggest issues related to equity

Domestic labor-Today 62% of Americans rank sharing chores as very important to marital success; that percentage is higher than the importance attributed to having an adequate income (53%) or having shared religious beliefs (49%)

Emotions

Emotions are affected by words and thoughts. How we feel is affected by what we say to others and what we communicate to ourselves through self-talk.

Stage 4

Encouraging Independence-As children enter adolescence, they tend to seek greater autonomy. This is a natural part of their effort to establish identities distinct from those of their parents. Often, this stage involves some tension between parents and children. For children, this is a very important phase in personal development. They are learning to be less dependent on their families, which is essential to becoming a healthy adult.

Stage 2

Enlarging a Family-addition of children, the transition to parenthood typically brings a whole array of joys, problems, challenges, and new constraints for the couple. It also introduces new roles, baby can be both a bundle of joy and a home wrecker, marital satisfaction declines after the birth of a child or children, after the first few married years, most couples experience a dip in marital satisfaction regardless of whether they have children.

How equity differs from social exchange

Equity theory does not accept social exchange theory's assumptions that people demand equality and measure the rewards and costs to decide whether to stay in a relationship. Instead, it says that whether a relationship is satisfying and enduring depends on whether the people in it perceive the relationship as relatively equitable over time. In other words, people are generally satisfied if they are in relationships with people who contribute about as much as they do to the aspects of family life that matter to them. This is a more flexible explanation for why relationships do or do not endure.

Stage 1

Establishing a family-During this phase, a couple settles into a committed relationship and works out expectations, interaction patterns, and daily routines for their shared life. Partners get accustomed to living together. For couples who are married, spouses get used to the labels "wife" and "husband" and to the social and legal recognition of their union

Show Respect and Consideration

For families to remain healthy and satisfying, family members need to demonstrate continuously that they value and respect each other. As obvious as this guideline seems, many families don't follow it. Sometimes we treat strangers with more respect and kindness than we offer our romantic partners or our children, It's especially important to communicate respect when discussing problems and complaints. Satisfied couples assert grievances and express anger and disagreement, but they do so in ways that don't demean each other.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

If we want a healthy, vibrant family life, we must be willing to overlook many minor irritations and frustrations that are inevitable in living with others, To reduce the tendency to make mountains out of molehills, we can take responsibility for our perceptions and our responses to them.

Independents

Independents made up 22% of the couples. Independents hold less conventional views of marriage and family life. Compared to traditional, independents are less interdependent, more emotionally expressive, and they engage in conflict more often. Autonomy is moderately high for independents, so this couple type is likely to have fewer common interests and activities than traditional couples

Laissez faire

Laissez-faire—low conversational and low conformity

Stage 5

Launching Children-Launching is a time of vital change for most families. Children leave home to go to college, marry, or live on their own.

The Family Life Cycle

Many families follow a general pattern of evolution

Make Daily Choices That Enhance Intimacy

Pay attention to daily opportunities to enrich family relationships. Although we are not always aware that we are making choices, we continuously choose who we will be and what kind of relationships we will fashion. Intimate partners choose to sustain closeness or let it wither, to build defensive or supportive climates, to rely on constructive or destructive communication to deal with conflict, to fulfill or betray trust, and to enhance or diminish each other's self-concepts. It is the undramatic, small choices that create or destroy families, seemingly small choices weave the basic fabric of our families

Pluralistic

Pluralistic—high conversational and low conformity

Stage 6

Postlaunching of Children-After the departure of children from the home, partners have to redefine their marriage. This period can be a time of lower satisfaction between partners if the couple is out of practice in engaging each other outside of their roles as parents. The partners have more time for each other but that may be a blessing, a curse, or both, Many couples find the "empty nest years" the happiest in their marriages because there are fewer stresses and more couple time

Protective

Protective—low conversational and high conformity

Stage 7

Retirement-Many people who retire are highly active, often volunteering in community groups, traveling, and taking up new hobbies or interests. For other people, retirement may evoke feelings of boredom and lack of identity. Individuals whose sense of self-worth is strongly tied to their work may feel unanchored when they retire. Naturally, this discontent can foster tension in the marriage.

Social Media and Family Communication

Social media have changed family communication many ways. One obvious change is that social media increase the ways that family members can interact. In addition, cell phones and email allow family members to be in touch frequently through the exchange of very brief messages. Smart phones allow contact between young children and parents, between parents, among siblings, and so forth, Social media also enable a degree of monitoring or tracking that parents did not have before the era of information technologies, Social media also augment family communication by providing opportunities for social support beyond family members and face-to-face friends. Many people belong to online communities that provide social stimulation, advice, and support.

Diverse Forms of Families

The most common family form in the United States continues to be marriage, 51% of all Americans are married, 6% of whites and 12% of non-whites say they have never been married and never want to be, average age of first marriage in about 27 for women and 29 for men. In 2013, the Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples are entitled to the same Federal rights as mixed-sex couples. Of adults in the United States, 28% have never married, and the number of unmarried people in the United States has doubled since 1960. By the age of 35, 10% of American women have lived with three or more husbands or domestic partners, showing that commitments don't necessarily last. Approximately one-third of American families consist of a single parent and a child or children. More than 40% of births in America are to unmarried parents

Diverse Goals for family

The reasons for families have varied over time, and there continue to be a range of reasons today. Historically, marriage has been regarded as a means to other goals. Beginning in the late 1700s or early 1800s, most people in the United States started choosing mates based on love and companionship

"boomerang children"

The recession that began in 2008 made it very difficult for new college graduates to find jobs. Often called "boomerang children," they often return to parents' home for financial reasons: high debt, a need to save money, or inability to find a job.

Cultural Diversity of Family Forms

Today, approximately 5 million Americans are married to someone from another country: doubled since 1960 Interfaith marriages have also increased in America

College educated moms

Today, college-educated mothers spend an average of 21.2 hours a week with children and mothers with less education spend an average of 15.9 hours a week with children. By comparison, college-educated fathers average 9.6 hours and less educated fathers average 6.8 hours in an average week

Communication Patterns

Two key dimensions of communication that define a family's communication style 1: conversation orientation, refers to how open or closed communication is. 2: conformity orientation, which refers to the extent to which family members are expected to adhere to a family hierarchy and conform in beliefs

self-serving attribution

We can also monitor the self-serving attribution that may lead us to overestimate our good qualities and behaviors and underestimate those of our partner. Of course, your happiness is affected by others, particularly intimates. However, the fact that others affect how you feel doesn't mean they are responsible for your feelings or your happiness.

Equity has multiple dimensions

We may evaluate the fairness of financial, emotional, physical, and other contributions to a relationship. Couple satisfaction seems especially affected by equity in housework and child care. Inequitable division of domestic labor fuels dissatisfaction and resentment, both of which harm intimacy

Words

Words refer to how family members talk and behave toward each other.

greatest challenges facing families today

balancing work and family responsibilities and opportunities

Guidelines for Effective Communication in Families

families face different challenges and find different ways to meet them. Despite this diversity, four guidelines apply to effective communication in most, if not all, families.

Thoughts

how family members think about each other and family. Our thoughts shape our emotions and words.

Pileup

occurs when many negative events occur in a short period of time and strain a family's ability to cope. That's a lot of change and a lot of stress to handle in a short span of time.

Social exchange theory

people apply economic principles to evaluate their relationships: They conduct cost-benefit analyses. Costs are the undesirable elements that stem from being in a relationship. Perhaps a relationship costs you time, effort, and money. Rewards are the desirable elements that come from being in a relationship. You may value the companionship, support, and affection that come from a relationship. According to social exchange theory, as long as your rewards outweigh your costs, the net outcome of the relationship is positive, so you are satisfied. If costs exceed rewards, however, we're dissatisfied and may move on.

Primary goals of family

raising children, increasing in popularity are individualized relationships, which enhance each partner's personal accomplishments and satisfaction, Some people see marriage as a route to financial security or a co-parent for existing children or a child on the way. A Kaiser Family Foundation poll reported that 7% of Americans marry to gain access to health care coverage

"mixed marriages"

the husband and wife subscribe to different perspectives on marriage. The most common form of mixed marriage is the separate-traditional couple. Wife who held a traditional view of marriage husbands in mixed marriages fit the separate category.

Diverse Family Types

three distinct types of relationships: traditional, independent, and separate

the highest levels of marital satisfaction

traditional and separate-traditional couples, Because their preferences are consistent with conventional feminine and masculine roles, they may see the relationship as complementary, with each partner contributing something the other values. The traditional partner may meet her or his needs for connection and intimacy through relationships with friends, children, and other family members. The separate partner is not expected to provide emotional intimacy and can derive his or her satisfaction from independent activities such as career or hobbies