Interplay - Chapter 7

Exchanging Advice Online (pg 220)

- nearly 40 percent of the of the posted messages involved advice seeking or giving so it's clearly a site where people look for and extend counsel

The myth of multitasking ( pg 205)

- our brains can only process so much information at one time , and mobile devices provide a distraction that impairs cognitive focus - studies show that media multitasking has a negative effect on learning, studying, and remembering - research provides clear evidence that mobile media use is distracting, with consequences for safety, efficiency, and learning - safety concerns are the darkest side of multitasking, as texting while driving kills thousands each year - relationship between mobile devices and distraction is so strong that the mere presence of a cell phone can disrupt your listening, according to one study - face-to-face communication is becoming increasingly rare, so it's wise to treat it as a valuable commodity

Paraphrasing Personal Information (pg 213)

- restating factual info is relatively easy - takes a sensitive ear to listen for others' thoughts, feelings, and wants. -underlying message is often the more important one - 3 domains of human experience 1) cognitive (rational) think 2) affective (emotional) feel 3) behavioral ( desired action) want think, feel, want - rehearsing paraphrasing in imagined interactions can help you respond more effectively in actual conversations

Responding helps speakers tell their stories (pg 207)

- support for the notion that we appreciate responsive listeners in times of trouble. - emotional states improved from talking with active responsive listeners - researchers noted that when the problem disclosers didn't get active listening responses from their partners, they had trouble telling their stories

Types of listening responses (pg 207-8)

Good listeners - ask and answer question - provide reflective and relevant feedback - offer their own perspective - respond nonverbally by making eye contact, nodding their heads, and leaning forward - listening begins as an internal mental process others will determine whether and how you're listening by monitoring your responses reflective feedback - invites the speaker to talk without concern of evaluation. Goal is to understand, confirm, and mirror what the speaker said directive feedback - evaluates the speaker's messages. Goal is to judge the speakers message and provide guidance figure 7.3 pg 208

evaluating response (pg 218)

a listening response in which the listener appraises the sender's thoughts or behaviors in some way - evaluation may be favorable or unfavorable - In either case, it implies that that the person evaluating is in some way qualified to pass judgment on the speaker's thoughts or actions - communicators who respond this way often approach situations with the critical listen style - sometimes negative evaluations are purely critical - negative evaluations are less critical, these involve what we usually call constructive criticism, which is intended to help the problem holder improve in the future - common setting for constructive criticism is school, where instructors evaluate students' work to help them master concepts and skills. - even constructive criticism can arouse defensiveness because it may threaten the self-concept of the person at whom it is directs

analyzing response (pg 218)

a listening response in which the listener offers an interpretation of a speaker's message - an analysis can create more problems than it solves 1) your interpretation may not be correct, in which case the problem holder may become even more confused by accepting it 2) Even if your analysis is accurate, sharing it with the problem holder might not be useful. There's a chance that it will arouse defensiveness - Offer your interpretation in a tentative way rather than as absolute fact. - your analysis ought to have a reasonable chance of being correct - make sure the other person will be receptive to your analysis - be sure that your motive for offering an analysis is truly to help the other person

advising response (pg 219)

a listening response in which the receiver offers suggestions about how the speaker should deal with a problem - advice might be just what a person needs, there are several reasons why it often isn't helpful 1) it may not offer the best suggestion about how to act, there's often a temptation to tell others how you would behave in their place, but it's important to realize that what's right for one person may not be right for another. 2) the position of advice recipient is a potentially unwelcome identity because it may imply inferiority 3) a related consequence of advising is that it often allows others to avoid responsibility for their decisions. - a partner who follows a suggestion of yours that doesn't work out can always pin the blame on you 4) people often simply need to talk out their thoughts and feelings Studies on advice giving offer the following important consideration when trying to help others: (pg 220) 1) Is the advice needed 2) Is the advice given in the right sequence - advice is more likely to be received after the listener first offers empathizing, paraphrasing, and questioning responses to understand the speaker and the situation better 3) Is the advice coming from an expert? - if you don't have expertise, it's a good idea to offer the speaker supportive responses, then encourage the person to seek out expert counsel. 4) Is the advisor a close and trusted person? 5) Is the advice offered in a sensitive, face-saving manner?

attending component (pg 204-205) internal

a phase of the listening process in which the communicator focuses on a message, excluding other messages - is a psychological one, part of the process of selection -we can't attend to multiple sources at the same time at least not well - we attend most carefully to messages when there's a payoff - skillful communicators attend to both speakers words and nonverbal cues - some people are simply inattentive to nonverbal cue -physiological syndrome called nonverbal learning disorder - deficit in the right hemisphere of the brain, have trouble making sense of nonverbal cues

empathizing response (pg 214)

a response style listeners use when they want to show they identify with a speaker -empathy involves perspective taking, emotional contagion, and genuine concern. - empathizing falls near the middle of the listening response spectrum - empathizing identifies with the speakers emotions and perceptions more than paraphrasing does, yet offers less evaluation and agreement than supporting responses - it's possible to empathize wit others while disagreeing with them Listeners are probably not empathizing when they display the following behaviors. (pg 215) 1) Denying others the right to their feelings - attempting to identify with others' emotions is more effective than denying their feeling and perspectives 2) Minimizing the significance of the situation -when minimizing the significane of someone else's experience, you aren't empathizing 3) Focus on yourself - talking about a similar experience you encountered. and draws attention away from the distressed person 4) Raining on the speakers parade - we don't get the full enjoyment out of good news until we share it with someone who responds empathically - empathic listening is essentially an expression of affection, as it communicates validation and a sense of worth to the message-sender - emotional intelligence is needed to offer these nonjudgemental, other-oriented responses

questioning (pg 209)

asking for additional information - most popular piece of language There are several reasons to ask sincere, non directive questions 1) to clarify meaning- good listeners don't assume they know, they ask for clarity. Use right tone to not sould like an inquisition 2) to learn about others' thoughts, feelings, and wants -a sincere, sensitive, and caring question can draw out opinions, emotions, needs, and hopes 3) to encourage elaboration - people are hesitant to talk about themselves, so we can encourage elaboration simply by acknowledging that we are listening 4) to encourage discovery - sometimes encourages others to explore their thoughts and feelings. encouraging discovery rather than dispensing advice indicates that you have faith in the others' ability to think for themselves. 5) to gather more facts and details -people appreciate listeners who want to learn more, as long as the questions aren't intrusive. Helps see the bigger picture.

understanding component (pg 205-206) internal

attaching meaning to a message - paying attention to a message doesn't guarantee that you'll understand what's being said. -composed of several elements 1) must be aware of the syntactic and grammatical rules of the language. vocab and jargon 2) messages source, background will help decide if a friends insult is a joke or serious attack, context of a message.

stage hogging pg 204

expressing your own ideas without inviting others to share theirs - allow others to speak from time to time but only so they can catch their breath, don't care what they have to contribute

hearing component (pg 204) internal

hearing is the physiological aspect of listening - starting point of the process of listening - can diminished by physiological disorders, background noise, auditory fatigue which is temporary loss of hearing due to continuous exposure to the same tone or loudness. ( concert or fireworks) can cause permanent hearing loss

Components of listening (pg 204)

hearing, attending, understanding, remembering, and responding

mindful listening (pg 198-99)

involves giving careful and thoughtful attention and responses to the messages we receive - tend to listen mindfully when a message is important to you or to someone you care about - sometimes we respond mindlessly to info that deseves and even demands our mindful attention.

The challenge of listening (pg 202)

listening carefully is a challenge -when 2 or more people are listening to a speaker, we tend to assume that each understands the same message -dyads typically achieve only 25 t0 50 percent accuracy in interpreting or representing each other's behavior - Our unique views of the world both color and limit the way we listen

ambushing pg 204

listening carefully only to collect information for use in attacking the speaker - can ruin a supportive communication climate

silent listening (pg 208)

listening that allows you to stay attentive and nonverbally responsive without offering any verbal feedback - isn't just an avoidance strategy, also can be the right approach when you are open about their ideas but saying somethings isn't appropriate - can help others solve their own problems

critical listening ( pg 201)

listening that emphasizes a strong desire to evaluate messages - concerned not just with understanding messages but with assessing their quality, focusing on accuracy and consistency. -helpfully with investigating a problem -can frustrate others by appearing to find fault in even minor details - can become more effective by assessing and adapting to the listening preferences and styles of your conversational partners

analytical listening (pg 201)

listening that emphasizes attending to the full message before coming to judgement - want to hear details and analyze an issue from a variety of perspectives. - can help when the goal is to investigate difficult questions, taking into account a wide range of perspectives. - think systematically about complex issues. - can be time consuming and impractical at times such as a deadline fast approaching

relational listening (pg 199-201)

listening that is most concerned with building emotional closeness with others -typically extroverted, attentive, and friendly - aim to understand how others feel, aware and highly responsive to others' emotions - strive to be nonjudgemental and are more interested in understanding and supporting people than in evaluating or controlling them. - will draw out responses from the message-sender -may lose their detachment and ability to objectively assess info - may view them as overly expressive and even intrusive

task-oriented listening (pg 199)

listening that is most concerned with efficiency and accomplishing the job at hand -primary focus is taking care of business, such listeners encourage others to be organized an concise - may alienate others when it seems to ignore their feelings - people from other cultures where it is impolite to be direct, may not appreciate a strictly task oriented approach -getting things done quickly may come at the expense of thoughtful deliberation and consideration. - may minimize the emotional issues and concerns that are so important to many business and personal transactions

filling in gaps pg 204

manufacturing information that wasn't part of an original story or message - retell what they listened to, they present a distorted version of the original

pseudolistening (pg 204)

pretending to pay attention, look others in the eye, and they may even nod and smile, but their minds are in another world.

paraphrasing (pg 211)

providing feedback that restates, in your own words, the message you thought the speaker sent - restate what you think the speaker has said in your own words as a way of checking the meaning you've assigned to the message.

sincere questions (pg 210)

questions aimed at understanding others

open questions (pg 209)

questions that allow a variety of extended responses

closed questions (pg 209)

questions that allow only a limited range of answers - may direct respondents toward feelings they weren't experiencing

counterfeit questions (pg 210)

questions that are really disguised attempts to send a message, not receive one -fit better at the more directive end of the listening response continuum - will most likely lead to a defensive climate Come in several varieties - 210 Questions that trap the speaker - Did you? Isn't that right? tags - 210 Questions that make statements - emphasizing words can turn a question into a statement - 210 Questions that carry hidden agendas - wise communicatiors answer questions that mask hidden agendas cautiously. - 211 Questions that seek a positive judgement - request for a particular responsive, - 211 Questions based on unchecked assumptions - a perception check offers a description of behavior and interpretations, followed by a sincere request for clarification - coming out questions pg 211

Listening on the Job (pg 197)

research shows that in the workplace, the ability to listen effectively is more important than public presentation skills - listening to be the most important communication skill for entry-level workers, subordinates, supervisors, and managers on several dimensions: job and career success, productivity, upward mobility, communication training , and organizational effectiveness - people who work in organizations that value listening to their employees have a stronger sense of attachment and loyalty to their companies - no connection between how well most communicators think they listen and how competent they really are in their ability to understand others. - a group of managers were asked to rate their listening skills. 94% rated themselves as good or very good

selective listening pg 204

responding only to the parts of a speaker's remarks that interests you, ignoring or rejecting everything else

supporting response (pg 216)

responses that reveal the listener's solidarity with the speaker's situation -expressions of care, concern, affection, and interest, especially during times of stress or upset. - types of supportive responses: 1) agreement 2) offers to help 3) praise 4)reassurance 5) diversion - women are more likely than men to give supportive responses when presented with another person's problem and are more skillful at composing and processing such messages -women who aren't skillful at this are at risk to be shunned by same-sex peers -men tend to respond to others' problems by offering advice or by diverting the topic - both respond well to the same types of comforting messages.

defensive listening pg 204

taking innocent comments as personal attacks - project their own insecurities onto others

remembering component (pg 206) internal

the ability to recall information once we've understood it 1) number of times the info is heard or repeated 2) amount of info received at once 3) whether presenting the info can be rehearsed - people only remember about 50 percent of what they hear immediately after hearing it, even when they listen mindfully - within 2 months we forget 50 percent of the originally remember position, bringing it down to 25 percent remembered, starts within 8 hours 50% drops to 35%

The importance of listening (pg 196)

the process of receiving and responding to others' -messages 55 percent of college students' communication time is spent listening - listening topped family/social list as well as the career list - traditional approaches to listening focus on the reception of spoken messages. However they take place through mediated channels and written words

insulated listening pg 204

tuning out any topics they'd rather not deal with - opposite of selective listening

Which response type to use (pg 221)

- wise to begin with responses from the left side of the listening response spectrum: silent listening, questioning, paraphrasing, and empathizing - these skills comprise what pioneering therapist Carl Rogers called active listening - helpful interpersonal listening begins with reflective, nondirective responses. - once you've gathered the facts and demonstrated your interest and concern, it's likely that the speaker will be more receptive to your analyzing, evaluating and advising responses 1) Think about the situation, and match your response to the nature of the problem - 2) Think about the other person when deciding which approach to use. It's important to be sure that the other person is open to receiving any kind of help - need to be confident that you will be regarded as someone whose support is valuable. - important to match the type of response you offer with the style of the person to whom it is directed - one study found that highly rational people tend to respond more positively to advice than do more emotional people. - many communicators are extremely defensive and aren't capable of receiving analysis or judgment without lashing out. - Still others aren't equipped to think through problems clearly enough to profit questioning and paraphrasing - sophisticated listeners choose the style that fits the person 3) think about yourself when deciding how to respond. - most of us reflexively use one or two styles. - think about how to respond to another's problems, consider your weaknesses as well as your strengths

responding component (pg 206) external

-giving observable feedback to the speaker - final part of listening - initial interactions people appreciate listeners who respond with questions and paraphrasing - responsive listening helps both senders and receivers communicate more effectively - communication is transactions in nature, listening isn't just a passive activity.

hearing versus listening (pg 198)

-hearing is the process in which sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibrations that are transmitted to the brain -listening and hearing isn't identical - listening occurs when the brain reconstructs these electrochem impulses into a representation of the original sound and then gives them meaning. - can't stop hearing but listening isn't automatic - sometimes we automatically and unconsciously block out irritating sounds

listening fidelity (pg 206)

-ideal interpersonal listening is both to understand and to be understood -the degree of congruence between what a listener understands and what the message sender was attempting to communicate -doesnt mean agreement

barriers to listening (pg 202)

-information overload - bombarded with messages not only in face to face interaction, but also form the internet, the media, phones, and other sources. we choose to listen mindlessly rather than mindfully -personal concerns - we are wrapped up in personal concerns of more immediate importance to us than the messages others are sending, becomes mindless and a polite charade -rapid thought- minds are so active, able to understand speech at rates up to 600 words per minutes, average person speaks 100-140 words per minute. Spare time to think about personal interests, daydreamng, planning a rebuttal. -noise pg 203- physical and mental worlds present distractions.

Paraphrasing Factual Information (pg 213)

-is important during personal or professional conversations -question tone should be used - maintaining a neutral tone helps clarify facts before you offer your reaction - good idea to paraphrase instructions, directions, and decisions before action on what you think has been said

mindless listening (pg 198)

-occurs when we react to others' messages automatically and routinely, without much mental investment ( superficial or cursory) -low-level information processing is a potentially valuable type of communication -frees us to focus on messages that require our careful attention -impractical to listen carefully an dhoughtfully 100 percent of the time

Types of Paraphrasing Statements (pg 212)

1) Change the speaker's wording 2) Offer an example of what you think the speaker is talking about 3) Reflect the underlying theme of the speaker's remarks Paraphrasing assists listenings by 1) allows you to find out if the message received is the message the sender intended 2) draws out further info from the speaker, much like questioning. 3) ideal way to take the heat out of intense discussions -paraphrasing usually short-circuits a defensive spiral because it assures the other person of your involvement and concern.