Marriage & Gender Mid-Term

Ch. 4- Soap Operas of the Ancient world Ancient World

"For the past two hundred years, Europeans and Americans have seen marriage as an oasis of privacy and affection, where individuals are shielded from the scheming and self-seeking that take place at work and in public life. But in the ancient world, marriage provided no such respite from political and economic rivalries. It was at the very center of the fray." Today, how do heads of state ratify treaties? Signatures and ceremonial stamps. How did they do it back then? Marriage ceremonies. • Men, and not women, began to "marrying up." Thus, the idea that "someday my princess will come" was the mantra. • Usually, it was kings who would marry many women because this would establish a network of alliances with other rulers. • But this polygamous lifestyle created many problems of who was going to be next on the throne. Thus, many wives plotted with sons to murder husbands, rival wives, and rival children. Fathers would kill their sons in order to elevate sons of another. • Thus, marriage was initially all about calculation and practicality rather than individual fulfillment and the pursuit of happiness. • Indeed, it was mainly for economic prosperity and social networks. So, in a way, marriage was like a proto-Facebook. Marriage was a like a business where one family merges with another where an investment partnership formed. • Deciding to marry or divorce wasn't about love (or the lack of it). Rather, it had more to do with politics and finances. Switching a marital partner would be equivalent to switching a phone company. • Marcus Porcius Cato (234 - 149 BCE) divorced his wife and arranged for her to marry his friend, in order to strengthen the friendship and family connections between the two men. • In ancient Greece, the idea of honor and temperance had high esteem. So, if a Greek male seduced another man's wife, the punishment was death. If a Greek male raped another man's wife the punishment was a monetary fine. • Reasoning? The rapist didn't pose a threat to the husband's household property, whereas the seducer does. • Typically, marriage was simply where a man and a woman lived together. The state had no need to get involved (unless substantial property or political privileges were involved). • The idea of a soul mate was ridiculous. The main purpose for marriage was finding a suitable working partner. • Thus, choosing your wife was like choosing your most important employee. • In the end, marriages for upper classes were mainly about forming political bonds. Marriages for lower and middle classes was about economic functions. • Plato argues in his republic that the institution of the family should be abolished. • Aristotle stated that citizens owed the loyalty to the state, not to themselves or their families. • When the Romans talked about "raising a child," it meant that the father picked up the newborn meaning that the child was allowed to live. If the father didn't pick up the newborn, the child was left to die of exposure or else put up for adoption. • Ancient Rome became very patriarchal where men were not in families; they ruled over them. The Christian picked this idea up later on. • However, there was no difference between marriage and cohabitation for the Romans. • Divorce actually made the husband worse off financially. However, if a woman committed adultery, divorce was compulsory. • From there, the state now had a say in what divorce is all about, and so the husband and people around him, which would eventually become the public, could no longer ignore the private status' of divorce and marriage. • The first man to launch a family values campaign began with Caesar Augustus in order to boost the birthrate. • Romans were expected to marry at a certain age, if not they were penalized.

Ch. 2- Many meanings of Marriage

"One society in world history that did not make marriage a central way of organizing social and personal life, the Na (or Musuo) people of China. " we watched video in class about Musuo or Na people refer to notes below to read on their culture ^Other than Musuo or na people • marriage around the world has organized life • not necessarily love but life ! • for ex. How we have aunts, uncles, how dowries are passed down, how nobelty/ kingship was/ is selected, how land is/was given based on wills... -EXCEPT NA/MUSUO PEOPLE, they have not used marriage to organize life/ social relationships in society Some people argue that marriage is universal because it simply expresses the biological urge to mate and reproduce. -no - Muskrats, along with beavers, wolves, gibbons, and the vast majority of bird species, do in fact form long-term relationships with single mates -BUT THESE ANIMAL BEHAVIOURS ARE NOT JUST ABOUT SEX/REPRODUCING - IN more than two hundred bird species, male and female mates sing complicated duets together, perform intricate dances, or "kiss" each other repeatedly with their beaks, even when sex is not on the agenda PRIMATES our closest evolutionary relatives - "do not organize their social life around pair bonds" -they have sex w many dif mates -for ex. Bonobos even have sex w infants For thousands of years, in human society, the question of who paired off with whom was not decided solely by the two individuals who ended up together. -Families and neighbors almost always had a say - *Nowhere in the animal world do relatives and other community members influence an individual's choice of a mate - **Moreover, through most of human history, marriage united not just two mates but two sets of families Dif cultures - In Zambia, Bemba husbands and wives traditionally do not even eat together - Among the Yoruba and many other African societies, husbands and wives do not pool resources in a common household fund - *There are West African societies in which a woman may be married to another woman as a "female husband. (homosexuality??) -ghost marriage= traditional Chinese and Sudanese ghost or spirit marriages = marriage in which one of the partners is actually dead. - In these societies, a youth might be given in marriage to the dead son or daughter of another family, in order to forge closer ties between the two sets of relatives Homosexual Marriage in History? "Throughout history and across the globe the huge majority of marriages have been between heterosexuals, even in societies where same-sex marriages have the same legitimacy as heterosexual marriages. But in most societies not all heterosexual relationships count as marriage" Through most of history marriage has generally involved a societally approved division of labor between the partners, with each sex doing different tasks -If a man went out on long hunting trips, which always ran the risk of his coming home empty-handed, it was good to have a woman gathering plants and nuts or tending crops - If a male was trapping animals, it helped to have a female manufacturing pottery and clothes "eyebrows would certainly have been raised at the idea of a man and a woman living together if both were playing the same work and gender roles." The importance of in laws & mariage -Marriage usually determines rights and obligations connected to sexuality, gender roles, relationships with in-laws, and the legitimacy of children. -It also gives the participants specific rights and roles within the larger society. - It usually defines the mutual duties of husband and wife & often the duties of their respective families -and it makes those duties enforceable "In the 1970s anthropologist Ernestine Friedl pointed out that most of the functions of marriage could in theory be performed by a group of brothers and sisters." -like NA people -not necessarily brothers and sisters having sex BUT BROTHERS AND SISTERS SUPPORTING CHILDREN OF brother and sisters from their sexual partners ^THUS, this system causes individuals NOT TO acquire in-laws. " Among the Na, sibling relationships are much more meaningful and long-lasting than love affairs or sexual relationships Na -,a society of about thirty thousand people in the Yunnan Province of southwestern China. -Among the Na, the only society we know of in which marriage is not a significant institution -brothers and sisters live together, jointly raising, educating, and supporting the children to whom the sisters give birth. -** Na society conventions demonstrate how much less important sexual relationships are in this society than sibling and parent-child bonds. -The visitor typically arrives too late in the evening to take part in meals or social interactions and sits out of the way in the corner until the household retires. More Independence in Marriage & Marriage Crisis -The unprecedented independence of the married couple from their relatives and in-laws has allowed many husbands and wives to construct more satisfying marriages than those of the past. -**But it has also played a critical role in creating the "crisis" of modern marriage." ^crisis of modern marriage is also a critical theme of this book

"A Marriage Contract" 1855 Lucy Stone and Henry Blackwell

-Lucy Stone married Henry Blackwell a leading abolitionist and women's rights advocate Lucy stone got to keep -her maiden name -her contract also addressed property and guardianship rights article states no man should possess these legal powers or be able to access the laws of: 1. custody of the wife's person 2. exclusive control of children 3. sole ownership/ use of her real estate 4. absolute right to the product of her industry 5. laws against -(dead wife's husband getting more land rights) than (dead husbands wife) -often, male widows get vast and permanent interest in property if his wife dies in comparison to - a women widow 6. ** "against system ... where the legal existence of the wife is suspended during marriage" -when females are married... they often do not have access too -choice of residence -owning property -can't make a will -she can't sue or be sued in her own name

Film: "The Women's Kingdom" Musuo People Video or Na people

-asian group of people who live very different than regular society -dif. In relationship rituals and familial concepts Musuo -often called the Na among themselves, are a small ethnic group living in Yunnan and Sichuan Provinces in China, close to the border with Tibet. -Consisting of a population of approximately 40,000, many of them live in the Yongning region, around Lugu Lake, in Labai, in Muli, and in Yanyuan, located high in the Himalayas Matriarch -The matriarch (Ah mi, or elder female, in Chinese) is the head of the house. -The Ah mi has absolute power -she decides the fate of all those living under her roof. -In walking marriages, Mosuo women are responsible for much of the work done around the house and financial decisions. -The matriarch also manages the money and jobs of each family member.[ -When the Ah mi wishes to pass her duties on to the next generation, she will give this female successor the keys to the household storage,signifying the passing on of property rights and responsibility. Role of women -As soon as a Mosuo girl becomes old enough, she learns the tasks that she will perform for the rest of her life. -Mosuo women do all the housework, including cleaning, tending the fire, cooking, gathering firewood, feeding the livestock, and spinning and weaving. -In the past, due to isolation, Mosuo women produced all their own household goods. -Today, due to increased trade with surrounding villages and cities, it is easier to obtain goods. Nevertheless, some Mosuo women, especially those of older generations, know how to use looms to produce cloth goods Role of men -According to some, men have no responsibility in Mosuo society— -they have no jobs, rest all day, and conserve their strength for nighttime visits. -However, Mosuo men do have roles in their society. They help to bring up the children of their sisters and female cousins, build houses and are in charge of livestock and fishing, which they learn from their uncles and older male family members as soon as they are old enough. -Men deal with the slaughter of livestock, in which women never participate. Slaughtered pigs, in particular, are kept whole and stored in a dry, airy place that keeps them edible for up to ten years.[This is especially helpful when harsh winters make food scarce. -children don't live w fathers -raised my mothers and mothers families -many tourists, mostly Chinese now visit this area to come and view this culture -many tourists come bc they are interested in their "freer" lifestyle of love "walking marriage" Musuo people described by tourist -very open and expressive about love -v attractive musuo women are proud to be girls -dif from many other cultures -In china female children aren't as preferred -musuo communities take pride in all children -women work very hard and during the day they home rear and make home essentials like rugs, blankets, etc. Musuo men -often do hunter gathering by the seems -when they get old, they are taken care of by the women One woman -loves to wear many rings, but will not wear a wedding ring Musuo sexuality -if a woman does not like a man she would sing to him during the day to show she is not interested -if she does like a man, she can discretely leave her door open at night and let him in Some musuo still dream of leaving -one woman wants to leave and go to school -she said she would come back if she wants to or leave and live elsewhere

Yalom, "Wives in the Ancient World"

-charter myth of the Judeo-Christian wife= adam & eve story interpreted -first by Hebrews -then by Christians -then Muslims etc. from start eve= foremother momma of humanity -and the spouse whom first disobeyed god eve created by adams rib -rose the women and inferior to man -dependent on him serpents advice -eat from tree of good and evil -& she tempts adam to do it -perm consequences for both -eve by inflicting painful childbirth on all mothers -& burden of sweat producing labor on all men -& females will be in a subordinate position to her husband for eternity -God tells eve "your urge shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you" biblical days Hebrew husbands could have more than 1 wife -for each had to give father in law money & provide for her upkeep -once mohar had been paid and the gifts accepted—the marriage was legally binding and bride belonged to her husband -brides father gave dowry -*last stage= banquet that precedes on the wedding night -could go on for as long as a week -if he finds that his wife is not a virgin, he could have her killed -literally have her stoned at her fathers house -he could file divorce w/o wifes consent wife cannot issue divorce= biblical precedent

ch 8 pt 3 20th century

If a woman in Western Europe or the USA didn't get married by her early 20s, chances are she wouldn't get married at all. Contrast this to women in 16th and 17th century Europe where they didn't get married until their 30s or 40s. ♣ Sexuality and Marriage in the 1920s ♣ Popular culture had sex everywhere. ♣ The advertising agencies picked up on this and realized that a woman was posed in a certain position, it would sell their products. ♣ Silent movies had sexual innuendo that governments started banning films in 1910. ♣ Dance halls and cabarets were everywhere in Europe and the Americas and people wanted to learn the sexual moves of the tango. ♣ A new form of courtship came about: ♣ The man would be invited to "call" at a woman's home and the two would develop a relationship on the girl's front porch, supervised by the girl's family. ♣ Indeed, the word "date" wasn't used until the 1890s, and it was only a working-class slang. By 1914, the middle-class started to use it. ♣ These dates took place in the public sphere, away from home. It involved money: you couldn't sip drinks on mom's porch anymore, you had to buy Cokes at the restaurant. It was the boy who payed because the girl was still considered a second-class gender. The girl couldn't ask the boy out. ♣ Thus, the initiative shifted from the girl and her family to the boy. ♣ And then something happened that really got the sexual wheels rolling during the 1920s: the mass production of the car. One called it "a house of prostitution on wheels." ♣ All of the sudden, you could leave and set up your own private place and then quickly leave. ♣ Remember that in Victorian times, marriage without love was unsatisfactory. By the 1920s, people were saying that bad sex in a marriage was unsatisfactory. ♣ People were starting to call for trial marriages. ♣ Patriarchy was losing its force. Unsatisfactory sex could be grounds for divorce. ♣ Thus, there was a mini sexual revolution in the 1920s, and this was seen as a route to improve marriages. ♣ With trial marriages, one needed to date as many people as possible to explore the depth of possible attractions. ♣ Women had to discard the idea of sexual purity because that idea actually lead to the idea of frigidity. ♣ If you want to keep a husband, you don't have "quiet goodness," you activate sexuality. ♣ Psychologists even said that to avoid lesbianism, you should let your daughters experiment with the boys. ♣ Priority to your own family instead of your mother and father. Indeed, psychologists suggested that an heavy attachment to parents is a sign of a serious maladjustment. ♣ Slowly, the married children were moving away from their family and starting to live on their own. ♣ Victorian times said that one should repress their sexual desires; in the 1920s, repressing your sexual desires were unhealthy, especially for men. ♣ However, if a man goes too far, it's the woman's fault. ♣ The 20th Century is starting to concentrate on the importance of the female orgasm. ♣ If a woman could not achieve this, she was consider not "fully adult" in their sexuality. ♣ The home had more importance: the woman was encouraged to spend more time shopping and doing laundry. This was seen as a woman's self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. If she didn't feel any fulfillment, she was suffering from "personal maladjustment." ♣ Slowly, eugenics came onto the scene. ♣ California had the most extensive eugenics program in the world before the Nazis came into power. They performed more sterilizations than all other countries combined. ♣ Most of them were men because they couldn't be the breadwinner of the family. ♣ Thee-fourths of the sterilized women were "sex delinquents." ♣ The preacher or the priest wasn't the first person to go to for family advisers on marriage and family life. That role went to counselors and psychoanalysts. ♣ By the Great Depression, no one had time for sex and love anymore. ♣ The 1930s ♣ Now people had to survive. ♣ The divorce rate fell. ♣ Those who wanted to divorce couldn't afford to live separately. ♣ By 1940, more than 1.5 million wives in the USA were living apart from their husbands. ♣ Birth control wasn't seen as female autonomy, but more as a form of population control. ♣ Women were starting to pick up jobs that were unthinkable for their sex because of WWII: pipe fitters, mechanics, welders, carpenters, shipfitterrs. They even earned "men's wages" for doing so. ♣ This helped out many African-American as well: they could now get real jobs instead of menial and domestic work. ♣ At first, women saw this as a temporary fix. Most expected to leave work as soon as the war was over. ♣ However, most women started to enjoy their work and wanted to continue working after the war. ♣ Thus, WWII left a positive image for women. At the same time, this brought a renewed enthusiasm for marriage, female homemaking, and the male breadwinner family. ♣ The 1940s ♣ In 1948, the government changed the federal income tax to favor married couples who had one primary earner. Married couples could now file jointly and split their income. ♣ This allowed the higher earner (usually the male) to attribute half of his income to the wife even if she earned little or nothing, which moved the family into a lower tax bracket. ♣ America was now starting to embrace "individual" values not "family" values. ♣ The 1950s ♣ Women were starting to marry earlier and earlier. In fact, it reached an all-time low throughout the whole century! By 1959, almost half of the women were married by age 19, and 70% were married by 24. ♣ With the advancement of technology, married couples could celebrate past their 30th wedding anniversary on average. ♣ To catch a man, women had to "play dumb". This will slowly change over time. ♣ Ironically, the more educated the woman was, the more likely she will marry. Before the 1950s, it was the opposite. ♣ Marriage was seen as a "stage" in life that one must go through in order to complete your successful life. It was expected for you to marry. ♣ As opposed to the past (where you married to gain a women who can help around the farm and can produce children, or postponing marriage until one was economically independent, nor was it for some business enterprise, nor was it simply a living arrangement), marriage was now the be-all and end-all of life. ♣ If a woman wasn't married in the 1950s by the age of 21, she could be considered an "old maid." ♣ Men who wanted to remain a bachelor was seen as "narcissistic," "deviant," "infantile," or "pathological." Everyone ought to marry. ♣ 80% average Americans considered singledom as "sick," "neurotic," or "immoral." ♣ A larger proportion agreed that the women should stay home and the man be the breadwinner for the household. ♣ By the mid-1950s, nearly 60% of the population had "middle class" income levels. More and more people could own more things. ♣ Purchases of appliances jumped by 240%. ♣ Divorce was seen as a failure of individuals rather than of marriage. ♣ If women did enter the workforce, she was generally older than 45. ♣ Two-thirds of women who started college dropped out, usually to get married. ♣ Popular culture encouraged women to not be productive members of society, to stay at home. ♣ High school girls initiating dates became unpopular or even sharing expenses. ♣ However, it wasn't all Ozzie and Harriet. ♣ About 47% of US married couples described themselves as "very happy." ♣ States still had "head and master" laws where the husband has the final say. For example, if the family should move or not. ♣ Married women still could not take out loans or credit cards in their own names. ♣ The pay gap was legal. ♣ A man can force his wife to have sex. ♣ If the children were born out of wedlock, they would have "illegitimate" stamped on their birth certificate and school records. ♣ Men didn't see their status as a breadwinner, but as a burden because of heavy responsibility for their families. ♣ If a woman claimed incest was happening, psychiatrists claimed that it was the woman expressing their own oedipal fantasies. ♣ Nonvirgins could not bring a charge of rape in many states. ♣ A man raping his wife was absurd. ♣ Wife beating wasn't treated seriously. ♣ Slowly, the world was starting to accept monogamy as the norm. ♣ Many social scientists were expecting that this would be the culmination of all marriages throughout the world...then came the 60s. ♣ The 1960s ♣ Women are starting to become more "career-minded." ♣ It took 150 years to establish marriage based on love and the male as the breadwinner. It took 25 years to dismantle it. ♣ People started to marry later. ♣ Premarital sex became the norm. ♣ Men saw it acceptable; women saw it acceptable but only if one is in love. ♣ With the invention of the pill, expectations to get married were disintegrated. ♣ Division of labor between the genders fell apart. ♣ Mothers had claimed that they wanted a different life for their daughters. ♣ Gallup poll showed wives were very satisfied, but only 10% wanted the same life for their daughters. Mothers wanted their daughters to wait longer for marriage and get an education first. ♣ Before Friedan's The Feminine Mystique, many men were finding the idea of a male breadwinner as a trap. They called it "conformity." ♣ Women were starting to say that marriage was insurance for the worst years of your life." If you're happy, why get married? ♣ College-educated wives were more likely to be employed than wives with only a high school degree. ♣ If the males could earn enough where the wife could stay home, the wife was more likely to reject full-time homemaking. ♣ Marriage was starting to become a private matter, where the government shouldn't get involved. ♣ 1967: Supreme Court ruled that marriage was "one of the 'basic civil rights of man,' fundamental to our very existence and survival." Thus, one could marry prisoners, marry people of different races, and one could not fire on the basis that one was married. ♣ Gays and lesbians argued for these same rights. Richard Nixon said that the country isn't ready for that yet. Maybe in the year 2000, it will be. ♣ Illegitimate children could be taken away for adoption. Children could not sue on their mothers' behalf. Nor could a mother sue for the wrongful death of her nonmarital child. It wasn't until 1968 when the Supreme Court extended the 14th Amendment to children of unwed parents. ♣ Out of all professions, female attorneys are less likely to marry or have children. However, the same is true for male attorneys as well. ♣ The 1970s ♣ Only 25% of Americans believed that single people were "sick, neurotic, or immoral" if they remained single. ♣ Women's wages started to rise. ♣ Women's wages actually helped fight against inflation and the increasing insecurity of traditional "male" jobs. Thus, most women needed to work to make ends meet. ♣ Most families now needed two income earners simply to buy a home in a middle-class neighborhood. ♣ Women were less likely to quit their job after giving birth. ♣ As more women worked, they started to see their jobs as part of their identity. ♣ Many women who worked to help out their husband's economic downturn reported that their jobs gave them a sense of importance that they had never gotten from full-time homemaking. ♣ Male breadwinners had to work longer hours just to get by. ♣ More couples described themselves as "very happy" in 1976 than in 1957, but they were much more likely to say there were problems in their marriage than they had been in the 1950s. ♣ Divorce rate more than doubled. ♣ More women postponed marriage and motherhood. ♣ More children were being born out of wedlock. ♣ Because of job security, the pill, decent jobs, legal rights, and an education, a divorce was much easier to get. ♣ The 1980s ♣ By 1980, the divorce rate stood at 50%. ♣ Nearly 40% of people were single. ♣ Cohabitation increased sevenfold. ♣ Couples usually got married if the woman got pregnant. ♣ By the 1990s, marriage was no longer seen as the obvious response to pregnancy or childbirth. ♣ 30% of mothers were in the workforce. ♣ Because of AIDS, committed relationships were becoming trendy again. ♣ Men view marriage more highly than in previous decades. ♣ The 1990s ♣ In the 1960s, one American child in twenty was born to an unmarried women. By the end of the 1990s, it was one child in three. ♣ By 1998, the divorce rate was 26% lower than in the 70s. ♣ Birthrates for unmarried women stabilized. ♣ Children born outside of marriage were now born to cohabitating couples than to single women. ♣ Attitudes toward adultery and promiscuity were starting to be seen as disapproving. ♣ Elders joined the trend of cohabiting. ♣ 80% children were glad their mothers had worked. ♣ Young girls were more likely to say that they appreciated having a working mother as a role model. ♣ In the past, it was assumed the wife should take time off after giving birth. In the 1990s, it was assumed that whoever made the most money should go back to work. ♣ More than 50% of mothers are in the workforce. ♣ Only 1/3 of wives said they would quit their job if their husband had enough money to provide them both. ♣ Women who work have more say in their marriages than those who are full-time housewives. ♣ The more the women earns, the more likely she gets help around the house from her husband. ♣ More than 40% of child born out of wedlock were planned. ♣ Men are now more likely to start romantic relationships rather than sexual exploits. ♣ Girls have more influence than boys on the timing of sexual initiation and contraception. ♣ This reflects young women having a more sexual independence than ever before. ♣ However, oral sex was on the rise because girls delay genital intercourse. ♣ The only place that has rolled back in terms of women's rights is Afghanistan. ♣ Men now view marriage as their ideal lifestyle more so than women.

Coontz Ch. 1- Radical Idea of Marrying for Love

P31 -"George Bernard Shaw described marriage as an institution that brings together two people "under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions. They are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part." Marriage not Traditionally About Love -most of history, it was inconceivable that people would choose their mates on the basis of love -and then focus all their sexual, intimate, and altruistic desires on the resulting marriage -many historians believe romantic love is a recent Western invention ^this is not true, people have always fallen in love -although, only rarely in history has love been seen as the main reason for getting married Plato -"believed love was a wonderful emotion that led men to behave honorably. But the Greek philosopher was referring not to the love of women, "such as the meaner men feel," but to the love of one man for another" -many cultures "true love" as incompatible w marriage -Ancient india= falling in love b4 marriage is disruptive and anticocial -Greeks= lovesickness is a form of insanity -China= excessive love between husband and wife seen as a threat to the solidarity of the extended fam -parents could force son to divorce wife, based on her behaviour/ work habits - In Confucian philosophy, the two strongest relationships in family life are between father and son and between elder brother and younger brother, not between husband and wife (china = Confucian) Europe 12 & 13 century -adultery idealized in aristocracy -love not common between married people -purpose of marriage was to form alliances -keep royalty within certain families "In twelfth-century France, Andreas Capellanus, chaplain to Countess Marie of Troyes, wrote a treatise on the principles of courtly love. The first rule was that "marriage is no real excuse for not loving." Most famous love affair of the Middle Ages -peter Abelard and Heloise -2 eloped without marrying -she bore him a child -abelard proposed marriage in secret -to keep Heloise from living in sin & so Abelard could still pursue church ambitions -^Heloise resisted (arguing marriage would harm career and decrease their love) Many cultures still frown on placing love at the center of marriage -africa= Fulbe ppl in Cameroon do not see love as a legitimate emotion Happily ever after -"Through most of the past, individuals hoped to find love, or at least "tranquil affection," in marriage.But nowhere did they have the same recipe for marital happiness that prevails in most contemporary Western countries. " Today "Today there is general agreement on what it takes for a couple to live 'happily ever after'. 1. First, they must love each other deeply and choose each other unswayed by outside pressure. 2. From then on, each must make the partner the top priority in life, putting that relationship above any and all competing ties. 3. A husband and wife, we believe, owe their highest obligations and deepest loyalties to each other and the children they raise. 4. Parents and in-laws should not be allowed to interfere in the marriage. 5. Married couples should be best friends, sharing their most intimate feelings and secrets. 6. They should express affection openly but also talk candidly about problems. And of course, they should be sexually faithful to each other." Big Points from this Chapter on Marriage in the Past & How Love Was Not Necessarily Involved: • "In many cultures, love has been seen as a desirable outcome of marriage but not as a good reason for getting married in the first place." • "In many societies of the past, sexual loyalty was not a high priority" • "When a woman has sex with someone other than her husband and he doesn't object, anthropologists have traditionally called it wife loaning. When a man does it, they call it male privilege. But in some societies the choice to switch partners rests with the woman." • "I don't believe that people of the past had more control over their hearts than we do today or that they were incapable of the deep love so many individuals now hope to achieve in marriage. But love in marriage was seen as a bonus, not as a necessity." • *****"About two centuries ago Western Europe and North America developed a whole set of new values about the way to organize marriage and sexuality, and many of these values are now spreading across the globe... "Never before in history had societies thought that such a set of high expectations about marriage was either realistic or desirable. Although many Europeans and Americans found tremendous joy in building their relationships around these values, the adoption of these unprecedented goals for marriage had unanticipated and revolutionary consequences that have since come to threaten the stability of the entire institution."

ch.8 pt 2 The Eighteenth Century

The Eighteenth Century ♣ By the end of the 1700s, personal choice was slowly entering the arena of potential marriage partners. ♣ From there, individuals were encouraged to marry for love, and this tradition still holds currently. ♣ Now, marriage can be considered a private relationship rather than a link in a larger alliance of political and economic systems. ♣ So a successful marriage wasn't measured by a big financial settlement procured, or how many children were produced, or how many useful in-laws were acquired, instead it was based on the emotional needs of the individual members of the marriage. ♣ How did this come about? ♣ First, the wage labor came about which made young people less reliant on their parents for help. If you need help from you parents financially, chances are you're not going to get married anytime soon. A woman could also earn her own dowry. ♣ At the same time, apprenticeships slowly went away. One could get married as soon as they had an income, not when the man learned a new skill. ♣ Also, new ideas of rights came through where the pursuit of happiness was a legitimate goal. Marriage for love instead of wealth or status. ♣ Thus, marriage slowly went away from the church or the state and instead became a private matter. ♣ Interestingly, many people didn't adopt to this until the twentieth century. ♣ The word spinster now took on a negative connotation. It originally was an honorific for women who spun yarn. By the 1700s, it meant that is was a woman who wasn't married. ♣ Now, it's the wife who is deemed with reverence instead of the single lady. ♣ After the American Revolution, New Englanders changed their description of an ideal mate, adding companionship and cooperation. ♣ Through the works of Jane Austin and other novels, domestic violence was slowly being rejected. ♣ Through the works of Locke, de Condorcet, and Wollstonecraft, they called for complete equality within marriage. ♣ There were critiques of this: ♣ This would produce too much individualism. ♣ If this is going to be based on personal choice, how do we know that young people will choose wisely? ♣ From this, preachers condemned this new practice of choosing one's marriage partner stating that this could lead to idolatry. ♣ But it was too late. By the late 18th century, Sweden, Prussia, France, and Denmark had legalized divorce on the grounds of incompatibility. ♣ From there, bastard children went so far to be legitimized. ♣ Premarital sex soared in the USA in the two decades after the American Revolution. ♣ By 1754, England required a state license for proof of marriage. This practice still holds around the world. ♣ Before that, the Church declared that a marriage was valid if the couple had mutual consent, even if there were no witnesses nor a priest. ♣ DID YOU READ THAT? This is the first time the state got involved in marriages. ♣ But husbands still had control over their wives, but it was for the "protection" of the woman. ♣ Wives should remain at home, not because men had the right to dominate them, but because a home was a sanctuary for women and she wouldn't get bogged down with the hustle and bustle of the economic, public, and political life. ♣ At the same time, the home became a place where the man could escape the workload as well. ♣ The woman is now compassionate and humanitarian. ♣ The man is now rational and active.

Ch. 8- Something Old, Something New: Western European Marriage at the Dawn of the Modern Age pt. 1 The Modern Period

The Modern Period ♣ The Protestants proclaimed that the Catholics were wrong: marriage is not some necessary evil or a second-best existence to celibacy. ♣ Marriage eventually became an important "career" move. Men did so because they needed the financial stake of a dowry or they wanted to be seen as a respectable man, and marriage can do that. ♣ Love was seen as an inconvenience to marriage. Remember, marriage was seen as a contract, not a relationship. ♣ Wives were taught to ignore their husband's extramarital adventures. ♣ The husband could force the wife to have sex with him, he could beat her, and imprison her in the family home.

ch. 8 pt 3 The Nineteenth Century

The Nineteenth Century ♣ Believe it or not, the early nineteenth century had higher rates of out-of-wedlock births than the USA and Western Europe were to have at the end of the twentieth! ♣ But because the women in this era didn't have the protection as they do now, what did these women have to do? Many of them had to turn to prostitution in order to support themselves and their children, or else abandon their children entirely. ♣ In the Middle Ages, it was understandable that woman had sexual desire, but in the 19th century, woman's sexuality was seen as extremely pure. Thus, woman didn't havesexual desires at all. Thus, they wouldn't feel any sexual urges unless she was drugged or depraved from an early age. ♣ Woman has always had this Madonna/***** dichotomy, but the "*****" aspect was just assumed. But now, the "Madonna" came about and woman was either/or. ♣ Because of this, woman were advised to avoid being with men alone, don't show your legs, don't walk to close. The clothing became more and more protective. By the late nineteenth century, the average weight of a woman's fashionable outfit was about 37 pounds. ♣ A woman who was "frigid" was seen as a virtue. By the twentieth century, "frigidity" will be seen as a sexual disorder. ♣ About 1850, the honeymoon became very popular so that couples could get away from each other.Ironically, the Sunday dinner becomes a cherished family ritual. ♣ Private celebrations such as birthdays, christenings, anniversaries are starting. ♣ Before this, families hardly came together even around Christmas time. ♣ There was one family occasion that slowly became popular and more public: the wedding. However, this was limited to invited guests. ♣ It started when Queen Victoria broke tradition and got married in a white gown. Slowly, this break became the new tradition. ♣ Thousands of middle-class women followed suit. ♣ The wedding became the glamorous event of their lives with an elaborate celebration. ♣ The word "virtue" in the 18th century meant to a man's political commitment to his community; in the 19th, it dealt with "private passions." Doing well for your family became more important than doing good for society. ♣ With the concept of female purity, the woman had more control and could say "no" even though the husband had legal rights over them. ♣ In medicine and religion, too much sex could make you a slave to your passions. ♣ Sylvester Graham, inventor of the Graham cracker, suggested to have sex only 12 times a year. ♣ Birth control and abortion were starting to become common and it was quite respectable. ♣ Age of consent rose. It used to be 10, 11, or 12. In Delaware, the age of consent was 7! By the end of the 19th century, the age of consent rose to 16 or 18. ♣ If the couple separated, the husband OR wife could get the children as long as she was the innocent partner in the separation. ♣ Eventually, women got the right to own property and some income. ♣ In 1871, the Massachusetts Supreme Court held that wife beating was wrong. ♣ During Victorian Times, ♣ People started saying "white meat" or "dark meat" in order to avoid the word "breast" when they were talking about chicken. ♣ One could not marry for love. One first marries, then love follows after that. ♣ People don't fall in love; they tiptoe to it. ♣ Over time, love was something that you had no control over. It's as if it has a mind of its own. ♣ Romantic love, falling in love, wasn't seen as dangerous, but as some self-fulfillment. ♣ Now, for the first time, people were wondering if it possible, or even ethical, to enter into a loveless marriage. ♣ At the same time, divorce became easier as well. ♣ If love wasn't present, that could be grounds for divorce. ♣ Indeed, married love has some correlation about the rise of divorce rates! ♣ SIDE NOTE: So the cause of divorce isn't the lack of family values or cheap thrills; it's actually love. ♣ In 1891, a Cornell University professor made the prediction that if trends in the second half of the 19th century continued, then by 1980 more marriages would end by divorce than by death. He was off by only ten years! ♣ Because women were seen as the more virtuous of the sexes, perhaps they should be out in the public world to clean up the evils in the streets. ♣ What about same sex relationships? These became more intense and intimate, but not sexual. ♣ Women friendships with a person of the same sex were really intense, but common. ♣ Say this to a friend: "To see your face again makes me feel hot and feverish." Those were common things to say to friends! ♣ These friends would carve initials in trees, danced together, kissed, held hands, and even had jealousies. ♣ The same could be said about men, but these ended once the men married. ♣ But with men, it was more intimate, more physical contact, and emotional intensity than most heterosexual men today would be comfortable with. ♣ Sometimes, the men would sleep in the same bed as roommates. ♣ This is even expressed in Moby Dick. ♣ It wasn't until then end of the 19th century where these expressions were interpreted as "homosexual" and not until the early 1900s did these women relationships seem off. ♣ But as for marriage, the main purpose for women to get married was to survive. It's either be poor or be married. ♣ More than that, it was be poor, be a prostitute, get support from relatives, or get married. ♣ If a women wasn't married by her 30s, she would generally move in with relatives. ♣ The notion of the "bachelor" came out because these men didn't want to feel constrained and tied town. ♣ The "normal" should lack sexual passion. Having sexual passion was considered a moral vice. Most women felt guilt or shame if they experienced sexual pleasure. ♣ Men also considered it unnatural if the women enjoyed sex "too much." ♣ The laws of patriarchy stayed the same: husbands make the family decisions without consulting their wives up until the 1970s.

ch. 8 pt 4

The Twenty-First Century ♣ In 2001, 30% of the working wife earned more than her husband. ♣ Stay-at-home dads is small but slowly becoming more acceptable. ♣ In 2002, more than 2 million dads are the primary child caretaker. ♣ 80% of women considered a man who can talk about his feelings is more important than having a man who makes a good living. ♣ Men tend to want mates who are on a similar level of education or earnings potential. ♣ Smart women used to be a liability, now it's a huge asset. ♣ Women can now support themselves after a divorce. ♣ Women who marry at an older age are less likely to divorce later. They are more likely to have accumulated economic, emotional, and educational advantages that benefit their children. ♣ In 2003, Canada legalized gay and lesbian marriage in two of its popular provinces. Massachusetts followed suit. ♣ In 2004, the APA endorsed same-sex marriage. ♣ A child could potentially have five different parents: a sperm donor, an egg donor, a birth mother, the social father, the social mother. ♣ Rates of singlehood have been the highest than any other time. ♣ Singles are starting to get the same rights as married people. ♣ Married people now represent 51% of the USA. ♣ Married people are still the majority of home buyers and the workforce, but single people are quickly gaining. ♣ Marriage is now considered optional. ♣ Back then, it was done as proof that one was a responsible adult. Now, it's no longer the case. ♣ Japan has the highest percentage of unmarried women between the ages of 20-40. ♣ Same-sex marriage was legalized in Belgium, the Netherlands, and Canada. ♣ Spain, Iceland, Germany, Hungary, South Africa, Portugal, Taiwan, and Argentina gave same-sex couples many of the same legal rights as married heterosexuals. ♣ Americans still marry at a higher rate than any other industrialized nation. ♣ Nearly half of America's major companies in America extend benefits to unmarried partners who live together. ♣ In France and Canada, you can choose to extend your resources and caregiving to any other person: your sister, an army buddy, your priest, your housekeeper. The USA hasn't extended marriage's legal benefits that far. ♣ Low-income women are more likely to have children out of wedlock than any other group and less likely to marry. ♣ This has given the government to create incentives to marry. ♣ President G. W. Bush had an earmark of $1.5 billion in federal funds to promote marriage. ♣ The more educated one is, the more likely one views cohabitation as acceptable. ♣ The less educated one is, the more likely they view marriage as a stable state. ♣ The Bible Belt has a higher divorce rate than anywhere else in the country. ♣ Low-income women who later get divorced are more likely to end up in poverty. Marriage can be risky! ♣ Most people wait until one is economically ready before they marry. ♣ Without an education, one is more likely to get divorced. ♣ Women are more eager to get married, but they are also more likely to be discontented once married. ♣ Majority of divorced women wanted out of the marriage. ♣ Equality is associated with greater marital satisfaction for both genders. ♣ Children from divorced families are twice as likely to developed behavioral and emotional problems. ♣ However, children are better to be with divorced parents than with parents in a high-conflict marriage. ♣ Stay-at-home mothers are generally concentrated in the poorest and richest rungs of the socioeconomic ladder. ♣ Couples who adopt a "traditional" division of labor after their first child increases stress. ♣ The most dissatisfied wife: those who work but the husband has retired. ♣ Cohabitating couples are more likely to experience infidelity or domestic violence. Note: Coontz states that this may confuse cause and effect. ♣ Cohabitation actually increases divorce later on in America and England. Not so for France or Germany. ♣ Cohabitating couples generally divide housework evenly than married couples. ♣ A woman who holds on to traditional values is less likely to divorce than a woman who is less traditional. However, a woman with traditional views has a lower change of getting married in the first place. ♣ A woman who slowly gains egalitarian views during her marriage finds her marriage less satisfying over time. ♣ For men, the patterns are reversed: men who have traditional views of gender are more likely to marry, but also more likely to end up divorced, than with men who have egalitarian views. Husbands who gain more egalitarian views over their marriage find the marriage more satisfying over time. ♣ Marriage decreases free time for women, but not for men. ♣ A man responds positively for a woman's request for change. That's usually a good indicator that the marriage will last. ♣ Stonewalling a partner's request for change poses a big risk for marriage.

VanKirk, "The Role of Native Women in the Fur Trade Society of Western Canada, 1670-1830"

• Native women-- "mixed blood" and the emergence of metis women (=mixed American Indian and Euro-American ancestry) were essential to the profits and ambitions to corporations such as the Hudson's Bay Company • Indigenous people were necessary to European survival (even in asia , Africa, and Americas) • Fruitful cooperation on both sides was once the agreement o Although, w the development of the settler society—along came euro racism against indig o & eventually the decline of indigenous nations o still a great problem today Intermarriage • intermarrying between euro and native women brought great advantages in economics and alliances • indian wife= range of skills and wilderness "know how"

ch. 3 invention of marriage

• Women would sometimes convince a mate to stay exclusive by offering frequent sex in return for food and protection. But this was rare. ^ • *Thus, many paleontologists reject the idea that early human societies organized around dominant males providing for their family. • The idea that prehistoric man only provided for his wife and children was a projection of 1950s norms into the past. The whole family had to provide for the whole tribe. • The idea that prehistoric man coerced woman into marriage is specious. • It is very likely that marriage came about as some informal organization about sexual companionship, child rearing, and daily tasks of life. • There was nothing inherent in marriage from the very beginning that showed either protection or oppression of woman. • Overtime, marriages evolved as a way of consolidating resources, rather than creating a circle of reciprocal obligations and connections. • So why did women eventually get low status? • Husbands began to demand dowries; thus daughters became devalued. It sometimes came to the point of female infanticide. This and the combination of early statehood pushed women downward on the hierarchy scale.