sex gender and relationships, exam 2

Directed Self-disclosure

"Special" communication to another person Predicts reciprocity

Passion

- "Hot" component, Strong presence of arousal between two people In romantic relationships: ♣ Sexual arousal ♣ Physical and sexual attraction Unstable overtime o High levels difficult to sustain ♣ Typically high initial stages declines over time ♣ Relationship based only on passion do not usually last long, Couples in long term relationships often cycle between high and low levels of passion

Relationship Initiation

- Ability to make good first impressions, highlight strengths o Verbal: Introductions o Nonverbal: Eye contact, handshake, etc

Skill in Self Disclosure

- Appropriate level of self disclosure for stage of relationship o Level of disclosure should increase as relationship progresses

Attachment Theory- key ideas

- Attachment styles are coherent patterns of emotional and social behavior that occur in close relationships - Early attachments, such as the ones formed with our parents, influence future relational patterns o Early attachments potentially influence our lifelong view (model) of self and our lifelong new (model) of others

Skill in Emotional Support

- Communicating empathy and warmth, verbally and nonverbally o Usually involves active listening rather tan telling a partner what to do - Communicating responsiveness = care, concern, liking - Active Listening o Demonstrate verbally and nonverbally that you are paying attention throughout the exchange o Do not interrupt o Do defer judgments

eros

- Eros lovers base their relationships on feelings of physical attraction and sexual desire. seek out and value partners who are physically attractive - high levels of touch and nonverbal affection - Positives o Eros lovers are exciting and passionate - Negatives o Attraction is based on physical beauty which fades o High levels of passion are difficult to sustain

Lee's Style of loving

- Explains that people have various "love styles" in romantic relationships o 3 primary styles of loving o 3 secondary styles of loving - Each style has both positive and negative attributes o One style (or combination of styles) is not "better" than another - Most people are a combination of styles o With one or two experienced most strongly - An individual's love style is not static o You may be a different style at different points in time

explanation for Change in attachment styles

- Explanations for change o Significant life/relationship event o Partners attachment style o Variability across relationship types

Distinguishing love from liking

- Liking is based on affection, respect, and enjoyable interaction - Loving is based on the characteristics above, plus attachment, motivation, and a deep level of caring

Conflict management

- Listening, understanding divergent perspectives, refraining from communicating hostility

ludus

- Ludus lovers pursue relationships that are casual, uncommitted, and based on having fun, Seek out physically attractive partners - often use secret tests - Do not really value communication skills o low levels of disclosures with partners - Positives o Ludus lovers have freedom and flexibility in their lives, they are not tied to a partner - Negatives o Because their relationships tend to be so casual, Ludus lovers cannot count on support from their partners, they have to obtain it elsewhere (friends)

Skill in Negative Assertion

- Revealing negative personal information - Preserving negative face o Saying "no," expressing hurt feelings

Relationship Stages

- Stage models depict relationship development and disengagement as a largely linear processes - An excellent example of a stage model is: Knapp's Staircase Model

storge

- Storge lovers pursue relationships based on shared values and goals, and compatibility, based on personality - Personality more important than appearance - rarely use secret tests,low levels of uncertainty about their partners - good communication skills - Positives Storge lovers tend to be dependable, stable, and secure - Negatives Storge lovers might be perceived as too predictable or boring

Commitment

- The "cool" component o Rational, based on cognitive and decision making - Relatively stable over time o Gradually grows the stabilizes - Commitment is related to trust, loyalty, and faithfulness o Often central to love

Intimacy

- Warm component, brings people together - Foundational to both love and liking - Based on emotional attachment, closeness, connectedness, and bondedness -

Sternberg's triangular theory of love

- When discussing love, three components to consider o Intimacy o Passion o Commitment

which of the following is NOT true about the dialectical perspective

- it assumes the relationships are dynamic - it states that relationship satisfaction is related to individuals willingness to manage dialectical tensions

How is Closeness Communicated?

1. Affectionate- verbal and nonverbal behaviors that communicate feelings of fondness 2. Immediacy- behaviors that increase a sense of connection and promote involvement between people 3. Supportive- emotional support, esteem support, giving advice

6 Dimensions of Self-Disclosure

1. Breadth (range of topics) 2. Depth (intimacy level) 3. Frequency (how often) 4. Duration (length of interaction) 5. Valence (Warm feelings, happy memories, hostile feelings, anger) 6. Veracity (truthfulness)

8 Types of Turning Points

1. Communication based (first meetings, disclosure) 2. Activities/ special occasions (meeting family, spending holiday together) 3. Passion and romance (first kiss, sex) 4. Commitment/ exclusivity (moving in together, marriage, emergence of rival) 5. Changes in family/ social networks (new baby) 6. Proximity and distance (separations and reunions, moving in, moving out) 7. Crisis and conflict (fights, making up) 8. Perceptual Change (pos./ neg. attitude toward partner)

Motivations of Secret Keeping

1. Concern that disclosing will damage relationship 2. Disclosing info to terminate a relationship or prevent it from becoming for intimate 3. Identity management (concern that disclosing will damage positive face) 4. Privacy maintenance 5. Partner unresponsiveness (perception partner will not be helpful) 6. Futility of discussion (perception that partner is unable or unwilling to understand) 7. Comm. inefficiency (not feeling able to discuss particular issue with partner)

4 Self-disclosure Fears

1. Fear of exposure or rejection 2. Fear of retaliation or responses (Will they use against me in the future?) 3. Fear of loss of control (if i disclose info will i be able to maintain the power I have?) 4. Fear of losing ones individuality (will the identity of the dyad overshadow my individual identity)

Why is it hard keeping a secret?

1. Hyper- accessibility- cant stop thinking about the secret, increases thinking about it 2. Rebound effect- triggering of thoughts by people, environment, etc. 3. Feeling guilty or anxious of keeping secret

different types of love

1. Infatuation = passion only - Probably not long lasting 2. Empty love = commitment only - Probably not satisfying 3. Romantic love = passion + intimacy 4. Friendship love = intimacy + commitment 5. Consumate love = passion + intimacy + commitment 6. Non-love = zero components - Acquaintances

Negative Consequences of Secret Keeping

1. Lowered self esteem 2. Lower interaction with people from whom the secret is kept- awkwardness, avoidance 3. Concealment of relational problems-" everything is fine", lying to maintain 4. Depression, anxiety, aggression

Limitations of Knapps Model

1. Not all relationships follow a linear pattern 2. 50-60% follow a nonlinear pattern

3 Types of Closeness

1. Physical Closeness 2. Emotional closeness 3. Relational closeness (strong forms of interdependence, "overlapping circles)

Positive Consequences of Secret Keeping

1. Preservation of positive face 2. Possible protection of relationship

5 Communication Skills for Forming new Relationships

1. Relationship Initiation 2. Skill in Self Disclosure 3. Skill in Emotional Support 4. Skill in Negative Assertion 5. Conflict management

Four Strategies of Managing tensions

1. Selection (deciding to value on side of the dialectic more than the other) 2. Separation (favoring different sides of the dialectic at different times) 3. Neutralization (midpoint, avoiding full engagement on either side of the dialectic) 4. Reframing (adjusting perceptions so that the dialectics are viewed as complementary rather than contradictory)

Commonly Kept Secrets

1. Sexual history 2. An affair 3. Personality opinion conflicts

Three Assumptions about love based on sternbergs triangular theory of love

1. The amount of love one experiences depends on the strength of the three components 2. The type of love one experiences depends on components' strengths relative to each other 3. A relationship based on one component is less likely to be satisfying in the long run than based on multiple components

3 Influential Factors :Disclosure and Liking

1. Timing of self-disclosure (Too much too soon?) 2. Personalistic vs. indiscriminate disclosure (personalistic- discloses info to very select people.. predicts liking, indiscriminate- sender discloses info broadly.. not predict receiver liking) 3. The receivers response (supportive vs dismissive and unkind)

Knapp's Staircase Model coming together stages

1: Initiating 2: Experimenting 3: Intensifying 4: Integrating 5: Bonding

according to the definition of intimacy provided in the text and in lecture, which of the following examples reveals intimacy in relationships

ALL OF THESE john feels a rush of warmth and love when he looks at phillip nancy tells allison a secret, and allison promises not to reveal it to anyone fred and kay talk with each other about their past experiences

Non direct Self-disclosure

Common in online contexts- a message to 1,000 followers Predicts less reciprocity

Self-disclosure

Communication that reveals something about the self to others. Often promotes trust, closeness, and likig

Preoccupied Style

Emotional Style - Overly involved and dependent - Want excessive intimacy - Worry that partner do not care enough for them - Demanding, nagging conflict behavior - Express negative emotion with aggression or passive aggression - Overly disclusive and overly sensitive - Reinforcement effect o By escalating intimacy too quickly, they push partners away, thereby reinforcing that they are unworthy of love

Turning Point Analysis

Events that are associated with change in commitment in a relationship (increase or decrease) Choppy path

Dialectics Theory

Explains that individuals in close relationships have opposing interpersonal needs. (often tension between these needs)

Limitations of Turning Point Analysis

Hard to predict

Limitations of the Dialectic Perspective

Limited predictive power.

Social Penetration Theory

Predicts that as relationships develop, disclosure moves from shallow levels to more intimate levels. In order for meaningful relationships to develop, we must allow ourselves to become vulnerable to one another. Peel back the ONION

sean has difficulty becoming close with other people. According to Social Penetration Theory why might this be the case?

Sean is unwilling to make himself vulnerable to others

Giving Advice

Source of advice: expertise, confidence, closeness Style of advice: Does the advice threaten the receivers positive face? Content of advice: useful, efficacy, feasible

Knapp's Staircase Model coming apart stages

Stage 1: Differentiating Stage 2: Circumscribing Stage 3: Stagnating Stage 4: Avoiding Stage 5: Terminating

Baxters Relational Dialectics Theory

Tensions can be internal and external Internal: within the relationship dyad External: a couples interaction with people outside of the dyad

Dialectic Perspective

The level of satisfaction experienced by individuals in close relationships depends on both partners ability and willingness to manage these different needs Relationships are DYNAMIC

Secure

The pro-social style - Self-sufficient and comfortable with intimacy - Compromise and problem-solving during conflict - Tend to be pleasant, self disclusive, and skilled communicators - Reinforcement effect o Because they are confident and expressive, people react to them positively, reinforcing positive models of self and others

Two Types of intimacy

a. Latent Intimacy Internal feelings of warmth, not directly observable by others Increases as relationships develop, then plateaus and remains relatively stable over time b. Manifest Intimacy Communicating warmth to a partner Affection and closeness Verbal and nonverbal Grows during initial stages of relationships, then declines over time

two individuals are close friends. although they do not disclose personal information regularly, they get a great deal of enjoyment out of engaging in shared interests and activities. the friendship between these two people can be best described as

agentic

brenna tells jacob: "we always spend time together, and thats great, but i need to spend time with my friends too" which dialectical tension does brines statement reflect

autonomy-connection

according to what you know about knapps staircase model, choosing a friend as a godparent for your child is an indicator that your relationship with your friend is in the _____________ stage

bonding

joe and nicole are close friends. joe tells nicole an embarrassing secret about himself that he does not want other people to know. a third person, michael, overhears joe tell nicole his embarrassing secret. according to communication privacy management theory, what happened

boundary solidification

as relationships develop and become closer

breadth increases before depth; valence starts out positive but later becomes mixed

which of the following attempts to explain and predict how an increase in immediacy from one person to another will be regarded

cognitive valence theory

after a party, steve hooked up with his bet friends girlfriend, stephanie. this secret is weighing heavily on him- he feels extremely guilty. according to the fever model of self-disclosure, what will steve do?

disclose the information

cecilia has a positive model of herself but a negative one of others. she exemplifies which attachment style?

dismissive

Lee's style of loving: 3 primary styles

eros- physical love storge- friendship/companion love ludus- game playing love

which of the following statements best describes the link between affection and health

giving and receiving affection are both related to mental and physical health

Fearful

hesitant style - Fearful of intimacy (they often have been hurt in the past and/or fear of rejection) - Communication is guarded and anxious - Trouble expressing emotions and self disclosure - Relatively low levels of relational maintenance - Reinforcement effect o By avoiding taking risks, hey keep themselves from developing the kind of positive relationships that will help them feel better about themselves and others

Reciprocity of Disclosure; the Dyadic Effect

in initial stages of relationships, self-disclosure is often reciprocal which predicts relationship development When it is not, relationships are less likely to develop

the dyadic effect for self disclosure is the strongest

in the initial stages of relationship development

which strategy is used the most often to help intensify relationships

increased contact

which of sternbergs types of love is characterized by high levels of passion by low levels of intimacy and commitment

infatuation

chloe and aidan have known one another for several years, but gradually they've begun to get closer and have moved their relationship to a romantic level. they've begun to attend parties together, got get-togethers and often finish one another's sentences. what stage of kanas staircase model would best characterize chloe and aidens current relationship?

integrating stage

sophie was attracted to bryce in part because he is sensitive and caring. sophie uses a lot of intensification strategies with bryce, but she also uses a lot of secret tests and negative maintenance strategies. on the basis of this description, what love style does sophie seem to have

mania

Lee's style of loving: 3 secondary styles

mania agape pragma

according to cognitive valence theory, high levels of arousal lead to:

negative relational outcomes

Non directed self disclosure

occurs when a person posts personal info on a publicly accessible site

from communication privacy management theory, boundary structures are based on

ownership and permeability

which of the following could be considered a nonverbal immediacy cue that contributes to intimacy

paralinguistic behaviors proxemic behaviors haptic behaviors

Mania

possessive love (eros + ludus) - Manic lovers are desperate to fall in love and to be loves. Want to be with their partners constantly. Possessive and push partners to show love and commitment - Manic lovers seek sensitive partners and can understand their feelings o Partner needs to be able to deal with emotional highs and lows - Manic lovers use a great deal of communication aimed at increasing partner's closeness and commitment to the relationship - Secret tests commonly are used by manic lovers - Positives: o Manic lovers show passion, love, and excitement for partner - Negatives: o Manic lovers can easily turn obsessive and controlling

Pragma

practical love (storge + ludus) - Pragma lovers search for partners that will help them achieve a goal. Pragma lovers have a practical outlook on love and seek a compatible partner - Have internal shopping list of desired attributes in a partner o Select a mate based on how well he/she meets requirements of list - Use direct, straight forward communication - Engage in social enmeshment strategies - Positives: o Compatibility likely - Negatives: o Danger of lack of intimacy and passion

bob loves jennifer. jennifer is just the type of woman bob always hoped to find as a romantic partner. bob had to date around for a long time before finding her, so at first he was slow to invest emotionally. now however, bob thinks that jennifer is the right choice for him. she has all the qualities he has been looking for- she is patient and intelligent, and would be a good mother. under which of lees sales of love do bobs feelings best fit?

pragma

what is the internal tension for the dialectic of uncertainty

predictability-novelty

christa has a demanding conflict style and expresses negative emotions with aggression or passive aggression. Which attachment style is christa most likely to have

preoccupied

your partner is having a hard time at his co op, things are not going well, and he feels distressed you care about your partner and want to help him. Which of the following is most likely to reduce his distress?

providing invisible support

which of the following was not mentioned in class or your readings as a type of turning point

secret tests and uncertainty reduction

different attachment styles

secure preoccupied fearful dismissive

which is not one of the ways to manage a dialectic tension mentioned in lecture

segmentation

which of the following is a nonverbal immediacy behavior

self disclosure

Dismissive

the detached style - Counterdependent o Self-sufficient to the point of pushing others away - Relationships seen as nonessential o Personal goals are higher priority - Low levels of relational maintenance, disclosure, and emotional expression - Withdrawing conflict style - Reinforcement effect: o By learning to get along with their own, they reinforce the idea that they do not need other people to be happy

which of the following does NOT help explain why attachment styles CHANGE

the reinforcement effect

turning point analysis acknowledges

the types of turning points relationships take are predictable

Agape

unselfish love (eros + storge) - View their partners as a blessing and want to take care of them. The relationships are often centered on giving to their partner, sacrificing for their partner, and unconditional loving their partner - Agape lovers seek partners with positive personality characteristics o Intelligence, sense of humor, compassion - Use a great deal of verbal and nonverbal communication aimed at intensifying their relationship - Secret tests rarely used - Positives: o Use pro-social, healthy relationship behaviors - Negatives o It is often difficult for partners of agape lovers to match their unconditional love o May feel overwhelmed or guilty by their partners unconditional love