2400 Final

Cameron and Haley have been married for seven years, and have spent every Christmas morning with his parents. This year she feels very strongly that they should stay home and have Christmas with just them and their two young children. She explains to Cameron, "Hey maybe we should do something different this Christmas, but only if you're okay with it. I mean it's not a big deal. What would you like?" Which destructive intimacy game does this most likely represent?

"I Don't Care. You Decide."

What percentage of kids are spanked at least once before the age of five?

95%

In regards to children, what should you figure out before you get married?

Are we putting them in daycare, or will one of us stay home with them

Why should you stay calm when helping a child to manage their emotions?

Because that puts you in a better place to handle your child's emotions Because our kids learn to manage their emotions by watching us

Thinking yourself superior to your partner and showing blatant disrespect towards them including name calling is identified by Gottman as what?

Contempt

What does maintain routines and continuity after a divorce mean?

Continue having chores and homework time. If you can keep the same house, school and/or neighborhood, that will really help your children with the transition.

As discussed in the mini lecture, what is one of the relationship risks of cohabitation?

Couples don't discuss what the cohabitation means to each of them

Angie and Mike have just finished dinner, when Angie mentions, "I'm disappointed you didn't pay that bill like I asked you to several times?" "You did not tell me several times", Mike retorts. "You only only me once. Why do you have to make such a big deal over everything?!" Mike's response can best be described as what?

Defensiveness

What can one do to address the four horsemen concept of contempt?

Develop a culture of appreciation

According to your text, what are some things you can do to cope with loneliness?

Develop a friendship network Be willing to take a chance and reach out, rather than keeping to yourself

When it comes to coping with loneliness, your text suggests, "Don't expect too much." What does it mean by this?

Don't worry about finding the perfect person when you go out, just focus on having fun.

What do most current studies reveal about the term "mid-life crisis"?

Evidence doesn't support the existence of a mid-life crisis.

For most people, grandparent-grandchild interaction is not very enjoyable, but grandparents feel obligated to do it.

False

Be familiar with the concept of soften your start up, including why you should use it.

Find a way to bring up issues in a way that isn't an attack. Complain don't blame. Watch your tone of voice and the words you use. Put it in terms of your needs/wants. None of the four horsemen should be present. Remember that discussions usually end on the same note that they begin on - so don't go into a discussion yelling.

According to Fincham & his colleagues (2006), what role did forgiveness have in conflict?

Forgiveness helped couples move on from a conflict without having resentments spill into the next conflict

After the kids come, two-thirds of couples experience a drop in relationship satisfaction, while a third remain happy. In regards to parenting, which statement is TRUE for these self-reported happy couples as found in your text?

Happy couples were more likely to attend family life education classes about transitioning to parenting. Happy couples had wives who felt the child care and household tasks were divided fairly.

One way to lower the risk of a cohabiting relationship of breaking up is to do what?

Have a discussion about what moving in together means for the relationship

What did Rath find in regards to work and friendship?

Having a good friend at work makes you much more likely to be engaged in your job

What was the top regret of the dying?

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

What did McNulty (2008) find were the limitations of forgiveness in marriage?

If a couple has severe or regular problems that need forgiving, it does not result in a happier marriage

Your child comes home with tears over something that happened at school. You don't bother to look up from your phone as you say to your child, "That's too bad." What type of emotional response does this exemplify?

Ignore

Jeff frequently texts his girlfriend to see how she is doing and he needs constant reassurance that everything is okay. If she doesn't text him back right away, he gets upset. Although she is affectionate and does a lot for him, he doubts that she really loves him. What attachment style does Jason reflect?

Insecure Anxious Attachment Style

Jason works a lot of hours and when he is home he usually watches sports until he goes to bed. Kelli would like to talk more about what he's thinking, but Jason doesn't know what to say. When work is bothering him, he tends to watch that much more TV. What attachment style does Jason reflect?

Insecure Avoidant Attachment Style

Cui et al. (2013) found couples living together were more likely to experience intimate partner violence that couples who were dating but not living together. What did the researchers speculate the reason for this?

It is more difficult for people living together to get out of a violent relationship

According to this week's discussion, what are some of the reasons experts suggest why we should avoid using spanking?

It sets a bad example of how to handle emotions It only teaches a child what not to do, rather than what a child should do It hurts your relationship with your child

A study was cone with undergrads, having them only spend 30 minutes on social media a day for 30 days. Those who did it, reported that they felt significantly better including what?

Less depression Less loneliness

Crystal is looking to reduce conflict in her close relationships. Her therapist suggests that she be direct in her requests and expression of needs from others. Which of the four central techniques in limiting destructive games is this?

Making implicit rules explicit.

As the smartphone has become more commonplace, we've witnessed a number of challenging trends in adolescents. Which of the following are those?

More likely to feel lonely Less likely to hang out with friends Increases in depression and anxiety

Some of the positive aspects of all the children moving out include what?

More money More time in the marriage for each other Time to explore new hobbies

Having a baby brings many changes for a couple. Which of the following is NOT one of them as described in your text?

New parents are more likely to focus on their own self-improvement, such as taking on a healthier lifestyle

All of Emma's friends have decided not to go onto college, but instead spend most of their free time playing video games and watching Netflix, while making just enough money to get by. Generally, she has been quite the opposite of this, being active outside the home and being enrolled in college. What does the research suggest, if she continues these friendships?

Over time she's likely to become more like her friends

Which of the following is true about midlife?

People report greater levels of happiness

One pattern for successful marriages, is to "Practice honesty, even when you're ashamed." This can include which of the following?

Reaching out when you sense a disconnection between the two of you

Your 7 year-old daughter runs into the house angry that her friend pushed her. You immediately become emotionally upset with the friend, march over to his parent's house, and demand from them that they make their son apologize to your daughter. You also explain you'll sue if there are any damages to your child. Which parental reaction does this reflect? (slides)

Save/Rescue

How does a parent with an emotion coaching perspective see emotions in others, particularly their children?

Sees them as an opportunity to guide their child Sees them as an opportunity to connect

Why does Van Epp suggest waiting 90 days during the dating process, before becoming intimate (either emotionally or sexually) with someone?

So that the emotional side of our brain doesn't take over where logic should prevail

What does Dr. Markham suggest a parent do when a child misbehaves?

Stay connected emotion coach

According to Gottman's four horsemen, what can one do to address defensiveness?

Take accountability for your part of the problem

When looking at a person's conscience to determine if they are marriage material or what, as explained in the discussion section, what is one thing to consider?

The best parts are not going to get any better, but the worse parts can get worse

The grandparent-grandchild relationship is related to the strength of what?

The parent's relationship with the grandparents

Midlife crisis comes with what realization?

The realization that one's life is half over and many goals have not been attained. The realization that one's youth is gone, so the individual will do things to reclaim it.

In regards to corporal punishment, your text refers to the concept of cascading circumstances. Which means what?

The stress that builds up that causes parents to use harsh discipline

Mating gradient refers to what?

The tendency of women to marry men who are better educated or more successful than themselves

Bogle's (2008) research on hookups on the college campus, found that once people left college campuses what happened in regards to the hook up?

They left the hook up culture behind to pursue more formal dating

In regards to the hook up, how did women differ over men?

They were more likely to hope the hook up lead to a committed relationship

Why did people regret working so hard?

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

What is the advantage of spending time with friends in person?

Those who spend an above-average amount of time with their friends in person are 20% more likely to say happy than those who hang out for a below-average amount of time. Another study asked 140 undergrads to limit their social media use to 30 minutes a day (with an app that tracked them). Participants who stuck with this for 30 days felt significantly better, including reduced levels of depression and loneliness. They also reported less FOMO (fear of missing out) and anxiety.

It is not unusual for individuals in a couple relationship to hope that violence will end when they get married or when they have children. What typically happens in reality?

Typically the violence continues

Mark, is a single father, who got custody of his kids but doesn't put much into his parenting. He lets his children do whatever they want, as long as it doesn't bother him. This type of parenting would be considered which of Baumrind's parenting types?

Uninvolved

What does it mean to "Look at their family" when considering someone to marry?

We are all influenced by the families we come from, but we have a choice how deep those influences run. You want to meet their family and see the patterns there. When family members fight do they throw lamps at each other or can they stay calm? Does his/her mother insist they call them every day and throws a fit when this doesn't happen? Does the father insist their child live within a five mile radius? Are there other nutty things there? More importantly what is your potential-spouse's reaction to this? I'm not saying you need to choose someone from a perfect family, but you do need someone who can stand up against the craziness - including not giving in to unreasonable demands. You also need someone who doesn't think the craziness is normal but makes active choices to be different

What should a couple figure out about their in-laws before they get married?

What are the expectations for spending holidays ?

When it comes to accepting influence, what is the difference between husbands and wives?

Wives tend to do this, even when the marriage is bad, but husbands struggle with this. However, Gottman found that in the happiness marriages, husbands did this.

In regards to accepting influence from our partners, Gottman found what?

Wives will do it whether the marriage is good or bad, but the husbands have a hard time doing it even when the marriage is good

Generally, how long should you wait before dating again after a divorce when you have kids?

You should wait at least a year or more, to avoid a rebound relationship. And even then, don't be too quick to introduce your love interests into your child's life.

In later years, research indicates _____ are the most distant.

brothers

Which term refers to the situation in which adult children return home to live for a while, usually to save money to move into their own apartments or homes?

cluttered nest

Rob and Leslie have just sent the last of their three children to college, and now have the house to themselves. Both have felt a little sad about this stage of life. What is this phenomenon referred to as?

empty nest syndrome

Mate selection based on similarity to self and group is _____; however when it's with someone from outside your group it is _____.

endogamy; exogamy.

How long does it take cohesive families to get back to normal after a crisis?

even the most cohesive families will need at least six months to adjust back to state of normality

What are some factors that contribute to marital longevity?

not cohabiting unless there is a purpose (particularly living with a series of different partners), not having kids before marriage, not having a large age gap between partners (more than seven presents a challenge), marrying at a later age (your risk of divorce goes down for every year wait until you reach age 27, but then starts going back up at age 32), and being religious are also factors that can lower your risk of divorce

Seth and Kelly, show a lot of warmth towards their daughter, but have a hard time disciplining her and often cave in to her whims. Known as permissive parenting style, what is a likely outcome for a child raised like this? (text)

rebellious and domineering but underachieving

Marie finds herself taking care of her children as well as her aging parents. This causes stress and adds responsibility to her already stressful life. This phenomenon is known as what?

sandwich generation

According to Diener & Seligman (2002), what do the happiest people do?

the happiest people surround themselves with happy people

What did Holmes and Rah (1967) find out about of stressful life events?

the more stressful life events a person experiences within the last year, the more likely they were to end up with a "stress-induced health breakdown"