Chapter 14 : Interpersonal Conflict

avoiding

a conflict management strategy that involves avoiding the other person, choosing not to express or make conflict known. this occurs when there is a brewing conflict and you choose not to express it and even go to the lengths of avoiding the person. not stonewalling because this doesn't occur during an argument but rather tries to make sure that the argument never happens. lose-lose because neither side addresses the problem, which can lead to feelings of resentment. okay if neither party really cares about the matter, bad if either or both parties are invested in the issue.

competing

a conflict management strategy that treats an argument like something to win, even if the other person is not happy with the outcome. if there are times when there can only be one winner (job interview, contract), then this is a good strategy. however, this approach can often lead to feelings of resentment in normal day conflict. best for circumstances when you care deeply about the outcome, time is limited, and a decision must be made quickly.

accommodating

a management style defined by a person giving in to the desires and position of the other person. with this approach, the manager loses by sacrificing their position and desires to those of the other person. this is good for times when you're not attached to the outcome or you don't have a strong position on the argument. if you care about the outcome, then this is not a good option.

conflict

an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving those goals

compromising

conflict management style in which neither party gets what they want completely and both walk away losing some desired elements. lose-lose because both sides have to sacrifice something. this can be effective in negotiations, but in more complex conflicts it may not be possible and it may leave both parties feeling unsatisfied.

parts of conflict

expressed struggle (all parties are aware that there is some difference, can be expressed verbally and nonverbally), two interdependent parties (parties must depend upon each other in some way), perceived incompatible goals and scarce resources (perception is key to conflict, hidden agendas are goals that are kept secret from other parties while working together, not knowing of a hidden agenda can result in conflict, the feeling that there's not enough resource can also lead to conflict), interference from the other party (one may believe that the other is interfering with achieving the goal

problem behaviors for facing conflict

four primary behaviors. criticism (the expression of disapproval of someone or something based upon perceived faults in a person or behavior, depends o the language used and the manner in which it was delivered) contempt (the expression of insults and disdain for a person and their behaviors and ideas, often accompanied by negative nonverbal expressions, this is always negative) defensiveness (prevents a person from seeing their own roles and responsibilities in the situation and prevents parties from finding common ground when working through conflicts, this climate reduces listening and increases aggressiveness and inhibits understanding and dialogue) stonewalling (a complete withdrawal form the conflict physically and verbally, sometimes feel as if their contributions are not valued nor heard, sometimes they do it in an expression of frustration, can be perceived as being passive aggressive which'll make the situation worse, parties need to take a break at this point and return when everyone feels heard)

dialogue and conflict resolution

in order to employ dialogue in conflict you need to establish a supportive communication climate. follow these guidelines: use description instead of evaluation (descriptive statements focus on behavior and avoid judgement, evaluative statements are judgmental and put the other person on the defense) focus on the problem and not on controlling the outcome (instead of focusing on the solution to be enacted, focus on determining which solution is most effective at solving the problem, focus on solving the problem together) be spontaneous and not strategic (strategic statements attempt to either pressure people or conceal an agenda, spontaneous statements are open and invite pressure free decision making or contribution) express empathy and no neutrality (empathy is when you put yourself in the other person's shoes, conflicts are emotional so treating them without emotion leaves people feeling unsatisfied with the solution, makes sure to acknowledge emotions) acknowledge equality and don't be superior (pointing out something about yourself that makes you seem better than the other parties makes those people feel disrespected and defensive) be provisional and not certain (provisionalism is the expression of an ability to be flexible and open to different ideas, expressing an ability to be flexible can reduce tension)

collaborating

the most beneficial of the conflict management strategies, one that has its goal as finding a solution that allows both parties to win. best for when both parties care deeply about the problem, but is also the most difficult to accomplish. its not always possible to get win-win solutions, but this strategy will increase trust, strengthen bonds, and bring satisfaction. this can't be used for all types of conflict because it is time consuming and energy draining.

conflict management styles

there are five methods. each can be appropriate or inappropriate in any given situation. everyone tends to lean towards a certain style but anyone can use any of these styles

reasons that conflict exists

three reasons. we have different information (this is because everyone leaves an event with different information due to what they paid attention to, we know more about ourselves than the other person does and vice versa), we have different interpretations (our past experiences determine how we interpret something, everyone has different assumptions about the world), our conclusions reflect self interest (confirmation bias is the tendency to look for and remember information that is consistent with what we believe of what we want to happen, this leads to overconfidence in our own beliefs and can cause conflict, selective attention)

conflict management

you must know what conflict is and where it comes from and what behaviors contribute to a negative conflict and what strategies are available for resolving conflict. there a problem ways to face conflict and good ways to face conflict