COMM Theory Test 2

Rule of parsimony (Occam's razor)

Given two plausible explanations for the same event, we should accept the simpler version.

reform of society

If changing destructive patterns of communication in whole communities strikes you as a bit of a stretch, you should know that pursuit of this goal If changing destructive patterns of communication in whole communities strikes you as a bit of a stretch, you should know that pursuit of this goal

David Hume insisted on the superiority of quantitative methods over qualitative research:

If we take in our hand any volume... let us ask: Does it contain any abstract reasoning concerning quantity or number? No. Does it contain any experimental reasoning concerning the matter of fact or existence? No. Commit it then to the flames, for it can contain nothing but sophistry and illusion

Self-referential imperative

Include yourself as a constituent of your own construction. Science wants an objective explanation; humanism desires subjective understanding. Krippendorff urges us to recognize that we, as theorists, are both the cause and the consequence of what we observe. His self-referential imperative for building theory states, "Include yourself as a constituent of your own construction."

sensing

One way to "find out" is to use your sensing function. Your eyes, ears, and other senses tell you what is actually there and actually happening, both inside and outside of yourself. Sensing is especially useful for appreciating the realities of a situation.

Critical Theorists

Scholars who use theory to reveal unjust communication practices that create or perpetuate an imbalance of power. reformers who can have an impact on society. They want to expose and publicly resist the ideology that permeates the accepted wisdom of a culture. Kenneth Gergen, a Swarthmore College social psychologist, states that theory has the capacity to challenge the guiding assumptions of the culture, to raise fundamental questions regarding contemporary social life, to foster reconsideration of that which is "taken for granted," and thereby to generate fresh alternatives for social action.19 tend to reject any notion of permanent truth or meaning. They see society's economic, political, social, religious, and educational institutions as socially constructed by unjust communication practices that create or perpetuate gross imbalances of power. The theorist would then apply this reinterpretation to a specific practice, perhaps the publishing and pricing of required textbooks such as the one you're reading. To the extent that the theory stimulates students to rethink, respond, and react to this "free-market" process, it is a good interpretive theory.

communication apprehension

The theory had great predictive power in identifying nervous public speakers, but it lacked a good explanation for why some people became nervous and others didn't.2 It merely suggested that nervous speakers possessed the trait of communication apprehension. of how well "trait" theories explain behavior.3 If the rationale behind why people engage in certain behaviors is simply That's the kind of people they are, objective scholars won't be happy with the theory's explanatory power. When you evaluate an objective theory, keep in mind that the reason something happens becomes as important as the fact that it does.

you should regard the scientific theories presented in this book

as valuable to the extent that theorists are willing to make confident predictions about communication behavior.

True Believers

believers—those who already agree with the author's position. But an interpretive theory can't meet the community of agreement standard unless it becomes the subject of widespread analysis. David Zarefsky warns that rhetorical validity can be established only when a work is debated in the broad marketplace of ideas.

coordination without coherence

refer to people cooperating for quite different reasons. people may synchronize their actions even if they don't share the other's motives. Jewish girl, Aliza—a devout Jewish girl, and me—a Christian. We all abstained from drinking, drugs, and sex, but the reasons for our behavior were extremely different.

Stories Told

what we say we are doing. With Bea's permission, I've already cited the story she told in her email. The additional six stories the LUUUUTT model generated don't negate what she expressed. As Kim Pearce explains,

A similarity-causes-attraction hypothesis

would be supported if the subjects whose attitudes meshed with what they thought the confederate believed ended up liking that person better than did those who thought they were quite different from the confederate.

Unknown stories—

—information that's missing. Bea's mother suggested that I was turned off by lies I heard about her daughter. Not so. But the multiple possibilities that Bea imagined and couldn't discount would surely be distressing.

John Stewart interpretive scholarship is not

" a solitary enterprise carried out in a vacuum." It is instead, he says, "the effort of a community of scholars who routinely subject their findings to the scrutiny of editors, referees, and readers."

This is what we are doing

"sound arguments are addressed to the general audience of critical readers, not just to the adherents of a particular 'school' or perspective.... They open their own reasoning process to scrutiny."

comparing the two ways

1. Both prediction and value clarification look to the future. The first suggests what will happen, the second, what ought to happen. 2. An explanation of communication behavior can lead to further understanding of people's motivation. 3. For many students of theory, simplicity has an aesthetic appeal. 4. Testing hypotheses is a way of achieving a community of agreement. 5. What could be more practical than a theory that reforms unjust practices? 6. Both quantitative research and qualitative research reflect a commitment to learn more about communication.

Communication as constitutive

A force that shapes all our ideas, relationships, and our whole social environment. We suggested that communication is the relational process of creating and interpreting messages that elicit a response. What's wrong with this description? Although the two theorists would appreciate our concern for relationship and response, they would note that our definition continues to treat communication as merely a means of exchanging ideas. They'd say that our definition looks through communication rather than directly at it. It renders the ongoing process invisible.

Interpretive standard 4

A community of agreement. A theory must have widespread scrutiny and usage. We can identify a good interpretive theory by the amount of support it generates within a community of scholars who are interested and knowledgeable about the same type of communication. Interpretation of meaning is subjective, but whether the interpreter's case is reasonable or totally off the wall is ultimately decided by others in the field. interpretive theory must be supported by other scholars. -must become the subject of widespread analysis

Bifurcation point (CMM)

A critical point in a conversation where what one says next will affect the unfolding pattern of interaction and potentially take it in a different direction.

Narrow Ridge

A metaphor of I-Thou living in the dialogic tension between ethical relativism and rigid absolutism. On one side of the moral path is the gulf of relativism, where there are no standards. On the other side is the plateau of absolutism, where rules are etched in stone: On the far side of the subjective, on this side of the objective, on the narrow ridge, where I and Thou meet, there is the realm of the Between.31 Ron Arnett notes that "living the narrow-ridge philosophy requires a life of personal and interpersonal concern, which is likely to generate a more complicated existence than that of the egoist or the selfless martyr."32 Despite that tension, many interpersonal theorists and practitioners have carved out ethical positions similar to Buber's philosophy. Consistent with CMM's foundational belief that persons-in-conversation co-construct their own social realities, Barnett and Kim Pearce are attracted to Buber's core belief that dialogue is a joint achievement that cannot be produced on demand, but occurs among people who seek it and are prepared for it.

Ethnography

A method of participant observation designed to help a researcher experience a culture's complex web of meaning. Clifford Geertz said that ethnography is "not an experimental science in search of law, but an interpretive [approach] in search of meaning."23 baseball player who played poker with black teammates

Textual analysis

A research method that describes and interprets the characteristics of any text. use this term to refer to the intensive study of a single message grounded in a humanistic perspective. Rhetorical criticism is the most common form of textual research rhetorical critics have asked, What does Martin Luther King's choice of language in his "I Have a Dream" speech on the Washington mall reveal about his strategic intent? They've then undertaken a close reading of the text and context of that famous speech and concluded that King was trying to simultaneously appeal to multiple audiences without alienating any of them.2

experiement

A research method that manipulates a variable in a tightly controlled situation in order to find out if it has the predicted effect. Working under the assumption that human behavior is not random, an experimenter tries to establish a cause-and-effect relationship by systematically manipulating one factor (the independent variable) in a tightly controlled situation to learn its effect on another factor (the dependent variable). A laboratory experiment would be an appropriate way to answer the question, Does greater perceived attitude similarity lead to increased interpersonal attraction? The experimenter might first identify a range of attitudes held by the participating subjects and then systematically alter the attitude information provided

Survey

A research method that uses questionnaires and structured interviews to collect self-reported data that reflects what respondents think, feel, or intend to do. survey researchers rely on self-reported data to discover people's past behavior and what they now think, feel, or intend to do. For example, media-effects researchers have used survey methodology to answer the research question, Do people who watch a high amount of dramatic violence on television hold an exaggerated belief that the world is a mean and scary place? A survey can save valuable time that would otherwise be needed to establish cause-and-effect by conducting an experiment. In addition to the clues they provide about causal relationships, surveys are often the most convenient way to discover what people are thinking, feeling, and intending to do—the key components of our attitudes.

community of agreement

Although many objective theorists dismiss CMM because of its social constructionist assumptions, CMM has generated widespread interest and acceptance within the community of interpretive communication scholars. For example, when Robert Craig proposed that a pragmatic tradition be added to his original list of seven traditions of communication theory (see Chapter 4), he cited CMM as the exemplar of a practical theory.33

Communication perspective

An ongoing focus on how communication makes our social worlds. "Communication is not just a tool for exchanging ideas and information.... It 'makes' selves, relationships, organizations, communities, cultures, etc. This is what I've referred to as taking the communication perspective."1 Selves, relationships, organizations, communities, and cultures are the "stuff" that makes up our social worlds. For CMM theorists, our social worlds are not something we find or discover. Instead, we create them.

invariable patterns or universal laws.

As we repeatedly notice the same things happening in similar situations

cmm new understanding of people

By offering such diagnostic tools as the serpentine and LUUUUTT models of communication, CMM promotes a deeper understanding of people and of the social worlds they create through their conversation. Those models are just two of the tools the theorists offer. Students who want to have a greater understanding of the "making" of social worlds will find the daisy model, the hierarchical model, unwanted repetitive patterns, and strange loops equally helpful.

qualitative research cmm

CMM scholars and practitioners use a wide range of qualitative research methods—textual and narrative analyses, case studies, interviews, participant observation, ethnography, and collaborative action research.36 It's not clear that this research has spawned new theoretical development,37 but these studies have definitely helped practitioners apply CMM models of communication in novel ways.

dialogical communication

Conversation in which parties remain in the tension between holding their own perspective while being profoundly open to the other. "involves remaining in the tension between holding our own perspective while being profoundly open to the other."27 This of course takes "courage because it means giving up a person-position of clarity, certainty, or moral/ intellectual superiority."28 We might actually learn something new that will change what we think, or even who we are.29

Social constructionists

Curious participants in a pluralistic world who believe that personsin-conversation coconstruct their own social realities and are simultaneously shaped by the worlds they create. because they think it's folly to profess certainty when dealing with individuals acting out their lives under ever-changing conditions. They are participants rather than spectators because they seek to be actively involved in what they study. They live in a pluralistic world because they assume that people make multiple truths rather than find a singular Truth.7 So Escher's Bond of Union is an apt representation of persons-in-conversation even when one or both parties are CMM advocates.

aesthetic appeal

Despite meeting the previous five criteria with ease, lack of clarity has seriously limited CMM's wider use. The theory has a reputation of being a confusing mix of ideas that are hard to pin down because they're expressed in convoluted language. In 2001, when Barnett Pearce asked those who use CMM in their teaching, training, counseling, and consulting what changes or additions they thought should be made to the theory, the most frequent plea was for user-friendly explanations expressed in easy-to-understand terms. The following story from the field underscores why this call for clarity is so crucial:

Scientific standard 2

Explanation of the data. A good theory makes sense out of disturbing situations or draws order out of chaos. It focuses attention on crucial variables and away from irrelevant data. It explains what is happening and why. It explains both the process and the results. goes beyond raw data and explains why. When Willie Sutton was asked why he robbed banks, urban legend says the Depression-era bandit replied, "Because that's where the money is." It's a great line, but as a theory of motivation, it lacks explanatory power. There's nothing in the words that casts light on the internal processes or environmental forces that led Sutton to crack a safe while others tried to crack the stock market.

Ethical Imperative

Grant others that occur in your construction the same autonomy you practice constructing them. Klaus Krippendorff of the Annenberg School for Communication at the University of Pennsylvania wants to make sure that scholars' drive for personal freedom extends to the people they study. When theorists follow this rule, scholarly monologue gives way to collegial dialogue. Some interpretive scholars value equality as highly as they do freedom. This commitment leads to continual examination of the power relationships inherent in all communication. Critical theorists, in particular, insist that scholars can no longer remain ethically detached from the people they are studying or from the political and economic implications of their work.

Scientific standard 4

Hypotheses that can be tested. If there is no way to prove a theory false, then any claim that it's true seems hollow. They shy away from the put-up-or-shut-up standard—they aren't testable. They are never-miss shots.

unwanted repetitive pattern (URP).

It's likely that neither party wants it, yet both seem compelled to relive it over and over. it's possible for people to align their stories lived without agreeing on the meaning of their stories told. That's the coordination part of CMM.

falsifiability

Karl Popper called this and saw it as the defining feature of scientific theory. The requirement that a scientific theory be stated in such a way that it can be tested and disproved if it is indeed wrong. it isn't possible to gather clear evidence that goes against a theory's claims, then it's also impossible to collect evidence that clearly supports those claims. kid who said he had never miss shot missed kid took off net couldn't here swish didn't know if he made it

Interpretive Standard 2

New understanding of people. Interpretive scholarship is good when it offers fresh insight into the human condition. Rhetorical critics, ethnographers, and other humanistic researchers seek to gain new understanding by analyzing the activity that they regard as uniquely human—symbolic interaction. Whereas science wants objective explanation, humanism desires subjective understanding. Klaus Krippendorff's Self-Referential Imperative states that, as theorists, we are both the cause and the consequence of what we observe.

coordination

People collaborating in an attempt to bring into being their vision of what is necessary, noble, and good, and to preclude the enactment of what they fear, hate, or despise. "process by which persons collaborate in an attempt to bring into being their vision of what is necessary, noble, and good, and to preclude the enactment of what they fear, hate, or despise."15 This intentional alignment of stories lived doesn't require people to reach agreement on the meaning of their joint action. They can decide to coordinate their behavior without sharing a common interpretation of the event. For example, conservative activists and staunch feminists could temporarily join forces to protest the public showing of a hardcore pornographic movie.

Transmission model

Picturing communication as a transfer of meaning by a source sending a message through a channel to a receiver. transmission model of communication. This model depicts a source that sends a message through a channel to one or more receivers. Source → Message → Channel → Receiver successful to the extent that a highfidelity version of the message gets through the channel and the receiver's interpretation of it closely matches what the sender meant. People who picture communication this way tend to focus either on the message content or on what each party is thinking, but CMM says they lose sight of the pattern of communication and what that pattern creates.

Scientific Standard 1

Prediction of future events. Prediction in physical science is more accurate than in social science, where it is based on probability. theory may only be able to speak about people in general, rather than about specific individuals—and these only in terms of probability and tendencies, not absolute certainty.

What do good scientific communication theories forecast?

Some predict that a specific type of communication triggers a particular response. (Mutual self-disclosure creates interpersonal intimacy.) Other theories predict that people will use different types of communication depending upon some pre-existing factor. (People avoid messages that they think will be disagreeable so they won't experience cognitive dissonance.)

Story Telling

Telling—the manner in which we communicate. "Why" questions often impute blame, but the tone of Bea's message struck me as a mix of curiosity, sadness, courage, and an honest effort to clear the air before the class reunion.

Objective vs interpretive scholars

Tension between objective and interpretive communication scholars. Differences in ways of knowing, views of human nature, values, goals of theory building, and research methods seem to lead to tension and misunderstanding. (republicans vs democrats)

intuition

The other way to "find out" is through intuition, which reveals the meanings, relationships, and possibilities that go beyond the information from your senses. Intuition looks at the big picture and tries to grasp the essential patterns.

Mindfulness cmm

The presence or awareness of what participants are making in the midst of their own conversation. It's paying less attention to what they are talking about and focusing on what they are doing and becoming. Mindful participants don't speak on mental automatic pilot or cognitive cruise control. They are participant observers willing to step back and look for places in the conversational flow where they can say or do something that will make the situation better for everyone involved.

Coherence

The process of making and managing meaning by telling stories.

cmm clarification of values

Unlike many theories which seek only to describe communication patterns, CMM theorists and the researchers they inspire make it clear that their aim is to make better social worlds. Barnett and Kim Pearce promote values of curiosity, caring, compassion, mindfulness, gratitude, grace, and love. They have invited us to join them in an ongoing effort to enact these qualities in our stories told and stories lived. Some objective theorists may personally share these values, but believe a communication theory holding out the promise of making better social worlds should describe that goal in terms of specific behaviors and outcomes.

Interpretive standard 1

clarification of values Theorists acknowledge their own values. They seek to unmask the ideology behind messages. Of course, not all interpretive scholars occupy the same moral ground, but there are core values most of them share. Many theorists value individual liberty and equality. Krippendorff's Ethical Imperative argues that we should grant others that occur in our construction the same autonomy we practice constructing them. Many interpretive scholars value equality as highly as they do freedom. Critical theorists, in particular, insist that scholars can no longer remain ethically detached from the people they are studying, or from the political and economic implications of their work

Serpentine model

difference or tension between our stories told and stories lived. That's because we can craft the stories we tell to be coherent and consistent, but the stories we live intersect with the actions and reactions of others. That makes them messy. As communication scholars, Pearce and Cronen are particularly concerned with the patterns of communication we create with others. analyze any conversation and map out its history. The conversation between Wilson and Larry has only six turns and clearly reveals the deterioration of their stories lived. Turns 1 and 2 show an honest difference of opinion, each stated vehemently. In turn 3, Wilson's comment about the film director expands on his enthusiasm. But he also shows disdain for anyone who doesn't agree with him, lumping Larry with a class of people who are mentally impaired. Larry then goes on the attack—no surprise. Note that in just four turns the guys have moved into an escalating pattern in which both are competing to see who can say the most hurtful things to the other. The original topic of conversation has become irrelevant. Trapped in a sense of oughtness that has them in its grip, they can continue this feud forever, fueled only by the logical force of the interaction.

Interpretive standard 3

esthetic appeal. A theory's form can be as captivating as its content. Although the elegance of a theory is in the eye of the beholder, clarity and artistry seem to be the two qualities needed to satisfy this aesthetic requirement. interpretive theory can capture readers imaginations you need clarity and artistry to satisfy this requirement. *except for once in a life time brilliance like burke* A student of mine who fought through a theorist's monograph filled with esoteric jargon likened the experience to "scuba diving in fudge." (Gettysburg addressnot recite divine intentions; he does not issue cosmic judgments. He knows, to the bottom, what he knows. Of the rest, he is silent. he wasn't openly Christian)

The rule of unintended consequences

he more theories of assumptions the more likely it will be wrong. asked to kill rats for pay they started breading them. it was way worse people will find way around the problem every layer you add adds an unintended consquences.

Interpretive theories should

identify values, create understanding, inspire aesthetic appreciation, stimulate agreement, reform society, and conduct qualitative research.

Unheard stories—

what we say that isn't heard or acknowledged. Did Bea try to reach out to me during those four years of silence and, if so, did I snub her? To ignore her email now would add insult to injury.

Logical Force

is the moral pressure or sense of obligation a person feels to respond in a given way. conversations, the situational constraints or perceived threats to his values or self-image may also trigger an automatic response. In addition, there might be times when he's convinced there's only one thing to say in order to get what he wants in the future. But whatever the cause of logical force, when Larry or any of us are under its sway, we're convinced we could do no other.12 cmm we can chose to change it

An objective theory is credible when

it fulfills the twin objectives of scientific knowledge. The theory predicts some future outcome, and it explains the reasons for that outcome. Social scientists of all kinds agree on four additional criteria a theory must meet to be good—relative simplicity, testability, practical utility, and quantifiable research.

That theory is parsimonious

not because it's a no-brainer, but because it doesn't carry the extraneous baggage rival theories carry as they try to explain why time stands still when you approach the speed of light. e=mc2 not always easy to understand

the point of luuut

not to "find the correct story" or "the correct interpretation" as much as enlarging your awareness of how complex our social worlds are.

when is prediction possible

only when we are dealing with things we can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste over

M.C Eshers bond of union

persons-in-conversation are making the social worlds of which they are a part. First, Escher's art foregrounds interpersonal communication as the primary activity that's going on in the social universe.the experience of persons-in-conversation is the primary social process of human life.3 He saw the ribbon in Escher's drawing as representing patterns of communication that literally form who the persons-in-conversation are and create their relationship. Their conversation does something to them quite apart from the issue they're discussing. the figures in the lithograph are bound together regardless of what they are talking about. This reflects Barnett Pearce's belief that the way people communicate is often more important than the content of what they say. The mood and manner that persons-in-conversation adopt play a large role in the process of social construction.as a model of the way the process of communication (the ribbon) creates the events and objects of our social worlds (the faces), not by its substance but by its form.5 Third, the endless ribbon in Bond of Union loops back to reform both personsin-conversation. That's also true with the social worlds we create. Pearce wrote, "When we communicate, we are not just talking about the world, we are literally participating in the creation of the social universe."6 And, like the figures in the lithograph, we then have to live in it. Like it or not, our communication has an afterlife.

cmm theory

persons-in-conversation co-construct their own social realities and are simultaneously shaped by the worlds they create.2

Scientific standard 5

practical utility This requirement is consistent with social psychologist Kurt Lewin's claim that there is nothing as practical as a good theory. Don't dismiss a theory as impractical unless you understand it. The wider the scope of a theory's application, the greater its practical utility. The main goal help people have more control over their daily lives,

Interpretive standard 6

qualitative research While scientists use numbers to support their theories, interpretive scholars use words. Textual analysis and ethnography are the two methods most often used to study how humans use signs and symbols to create and infer meaning. Textual analysis describes and interprets the characteristics of messages. Through ethnography, participant-observers experience a culture's web of meaning. they use tools like open ended interviews focus groups visual texts, articacts, texts they do textual analysis research method that describes and interprets characteristics of any text ethnography method of participant observation msial's amateur ethnography: the end result was that he bang to see and understand his teammates and see baseball through their eyes

scientific standard 6

quantitative research Scientists favor quantifiable experiments and surveys. The idea that numbers are more reliable than words runs deep in the scientific community. Through experiments, scientists seek to establish a cause-and-effect relationship by manipulating an independent variable in a tightly controlled situation in order to determine its effect on a dependent variable. Surveys rely on self-report data to discover who people are and what they think, feel, and intend to do—the key components of our attitudes. on a comparison of differences—this group compared to that group, this treatment as opposed to that treatment, these results versus those results.

Interpretive standard 5

reform society *generates change -reveals injustice critical theorists scholars: who use theory to reveal unjust communication practices that create or perpetuate an imblance of power. doesnt always have to do this. It is a common trait not requirement. throttling or holding tongue when in presence of authority. They want to expose and publicly resist the ideology that permeates the accepted wisdom of a culture. Theory challenges cultural assumptions. The aim of critical scholarship is to unmask communication practices that create or perpetuate power imbalances in an attempt to stimulate change. To the extent that the theory stimulates students to rethink, respond, and react to this "free-market" process, it is a good interpretive theory.

I-thou

regard our partner as the very one we are. We see the other as created in the image of God and resolve to treat him or her as a valued end rather than a means to our own end. This implies that we will seek to experience the relationship as it appears to the other person. Buber said we can do this only through dialogue.

Scientific Standard 3:

relative simplicity The rule of parsimony dictates that all things being equal, we accept the simpler explanation over the more complex. Rube Goldberg made people laugh by sketching plans for complicated machines that performed simple tasks. His "better mousetrap" They violated the scientific principle called Occam's razor, so named because philosopher William of Occam implored theorists to "shave off" any assumptions, variables, or concepts that aren't necessary to explain what's going on.4 When you've concentrated on a subject for a long time, it's easy to get caught up in the grandeur of a theoretical construction.

Untellable stories—

stories that are forbidden or too painful for us to tell. It would be the height of arrogance on my part to think that I had the power to ruin Bea's life back then. Yet I did wonder what she couldn't say.

Untold stories—

stories—what we choose not to say. There was nothing in Bea's message about the attention I paid to her in junior high or anger she might have felt at the abrupt change in my behavior. Nor did she say anything about her current life.

coordinating our actions together.

story to refer to much of what we say when we talk with others about our social worlds—ourselves, others, relationships, organizations, or the larger community. Pearce and Cronen claim that communication is a two-sided process of stories told and stories lived.8 Stories told are tales we tell ourselves and others in order to make sense of the world around us and our place in it. CMM calls this process coherence, the making and managing of meaning. Stories lived are the ongoing patterns of interaction we enact as we seek to mesh our lives with others around us.

Overfitting problem

the more you can simplify the model the more predictive it becomes. its a countered balance manage to deduce to simpler get ride of statistical noise. is it overfit to one set of data or simplified choose it.

dialogue

was a synonym for ethical communication. Dialogue is mutuality in conversation that creates the Between, through which we help each other to be more human. Dialogue is not only a morally appropriate act, but it is also a way to discover what is ethical in our relationship. It thus requires self-disclosure to, confirmation of, and vulnerability with the other person.

Third Claim - We Get What We Make

we create our social worlds through our patterns of communication, it follows that we get what we make. Kim Pearce explains, "If your patterns of interaction contain destructive accusations and reactive anger, you will most likely make a defensive relationship; if your patterns contain genuine questions and curiosity, you will have a better chance of making a more open relationship."16 you can only come to understand what we were creating by looking at the twists and turns of the whole serpentine flow.

i-it relationship

we treat the other person as a thing to be used, an object to be manipulated. Created by monologue, an I-It relationship lacks mutuality. Parties come together as individuals intent on creating only an impression. Deceit is a way to maintain appearances.

Lived stories—

what we actually did or are doing. I have no reason to doubt Bea's claim. Although I can't recall intentionally avoiding conversation with her in high school, neither do I have a mental image of us talking together, even though we were both cast members in the school play. In contrast, I know we chatted in junior high.