COMST 102-Exam 3

Friendship intimacy vs. Passion-based intimacy

-based on feelings of warmth, understanding, and emotional connections. vs -based on romantic and sexual feelings which also involves friendship intimacy

Marriage vs Family

-marriage is a relationship of choice -families create relationships of circumstance

Physical Attraction and Sex: the use of touch to convey emotional feelings of love and caring for another person

-more affectionate touching occurs in the earlier part of a romantic relationship and as intimacy is achieved the need to continue displaying physical affection appears to decline -the stronger a person's commitment, the more affection expressed, the more affection expressed, the more relationally satisfied the partner was

Qualities and Values of a friendship

-self-disclosure, openness, honesty, compatibility, ego-reinforcement (affirmation), concern, empathy along with others. and -help in coping with stress, material help, shapes attitudes and beliefs, etc.

Commitment: our intention to remain in the relationship. the level of commitment is related to 6 sets of behavior

1. Being supportive and encouraging (listening and being courteous) 2. Reassuring our partner of our feelings (expressing love and confirming the importance of the relationship) 3. Offering tangible reminders (giving gifts and assistance) 4. Creating a relationship future (doing things together and making plans together) 5. Behaving with integrity (being honest, being faithful, and keeping promises) 6. Working on the relationship (talking out problems and expressing trust)

Factors leading to both short-term initial and long-term maintenance attraction (5)

1. Competence, intelligence, and credibility. we assume someone is competent if they seemed skilled, knowledgeable, and experience and find people credible if they display a blend of enthusiasm, trustworthiness, and power 2. Self-disclose and reciprocation of liking. a certain amount of openness and self-disclosure increases attraction and we like those who like us. 3. Similarity. we like people whose personality, values, upbringing, personal experiences, attitudes, and interests are similar to ours. similarities give people something in common to talk about. 4. Reciprocation of liking: we like people who like us 5. Differences and complementary needs. "opposites attract" and "variety is the spice of life" reflect a positive attitude toward differences. we are attracted to people who are different from us because we learn and grow by such exposure. complimentary needs are met when each partner contributes something to the relationship that the other partner needs

Affinity-Seeking Strategies

1. Control: present yourself as in control, independent, free-thinking or show that you have the ability to reward the other person. 2. Visibility: look and dress attractively, present yourself as an interesting, energetic, and enthusiastic person 3. Mutual trust: present yourself as honest and reliable 4. Politeness: follow appropriate conversational rules; let the other person assume control of the conversation 5. Concern and caring: show interest in and ask questions about the other person; help the other person accomplish something or feel good about himself or herself. 6. Other-involvement: put a positive spin on the activities you share; draw the other person into your activities 7. Self-involvement: try and arrange for encounters and interaction 8. Commonalities: point out similarities between yourself and the other person; try to establish equality (balanced power)

Signs of a relationship problem (4 categories-John Gottman)

1. Criticisms: being overly critical or attacking the partner's personality 2. Contempt: engaging in insults and psychological abuse 3. Defensive behaviors: denying responsibility by making excuses, whining and counter-complaining 4. Stonewalling: withdrawing, not responding to each other, and minimally engaging in the relationship *among the four, contempt is the single strongest predictor of divorce. if all four signs are consistently present, there is a 94% chance that the couple will eventually divorce.

Sociologist John Lee defined 6 types of love found in both romantic and nonromantic love

1. Eros: sexual, erotic love based on the pursuit of physical beauty and pleasure. the physical need for sex brings couples together and creates special needs and emotions. 2. Ludis: game-playing love based on the enjoyment of another, Ludic lovers are not seeking long-term relationships but more the immediate gratification and partner's attention 3. Storge: is the solid love found in friendships and family based on trust and caring. it usually develops over a long period of time, is solid and more resistant to change. trust, caring, and compassion are high and selfishness low. 4. Mania: obsessive love driven by mutual needs. Love swings dramatically from highs to lows and the manic lover is obsessed with the relationship. each of the lovers have an insatiable need for attention often fueled by a low self-concept. 5. Pragma: comes from the root word "pragmatic" meaning practical and is based on mutual benefits 6. Agape: based on a spiritual ideal of love of giving of self without expecting anything in return. this kind of "pure" love may characterize the relationship between a parent and child or between a spiritual leader and his/her followers

Recovery strategies (8 things)

1. Express your emotions. you need to vent your feelings to a listener or in a journal. 2. Figure out what happened. Understanding what occurred in the relationship is one way to get a handle on your emotions. 3. Realize, don't idealize. We sometimes view the end of a relationship as the death of a dream. Weber suggests mentally reviewing your partner's flaws. 4. Prepare to feel better. Finding the humor and irony in the breakup can help you cope with the grief. 5. Expect to heal. "It will get better!" 6. Talk to others. Don't isolate. 7. Get some perspective. A little bit of a "pity-party" is ok, but listen to other's stories and experiences. 8. Be ready for further punishment and rewards. Lear from your past experiences, hang on to the good times and move forward.

Steve Duck's model of ending relationships (6)

1. Intra-psychic phase: when an individual engages in an internal evaluation of their partner and relationship 2/3. Confidant phase: we discuss and evaluate the relationship, our concerns, and options with someone other than our partner (friends, family, and counselors). this can occur before or after having such a conversation with our partner 2/3. Dyadic phase: when the disgruntled individual discusses termination with their partner 4. Social phase: when the parties engage their social networks and they become involved in the termination process 5. Grave-dressing: when the partners generate public explanations and move past the relationship (ex: Train-ways to say goodbye video) 6. Resurrection phase: we review and adjust our perspectives on self, others, and relationships, while beginning the pursuit of new meaningful relationships *for 2/3 both can come 2nd or 3rd

Direct termination strategies (4 things)

1. Negative identity management is a direct statement of the desire to end the relationship. it doesn't take into account the other's feelings and may include criticisms. (I'm no longer happy and want freedom to date others) 2. Justification is a clear statement to end the relationship accompanied by an explanation of reasons (found someone else) 3. De-escalation is an honest statement of a desire to redefine the relationship at a lower level of intimacy or to move toward ending the relationship. (need a trial separation) 4. Positive tone is the direct strategy that is most sensitive to the other person's sense to self. the initiator tries to affirm the other's personal qualities and worth but is still calling an end to the relationship (you are a wonderful person but just not for me --> only one that considers other person's feelings)

5 forgiveness-granting strategies

1. Nonverbal display: not directly saying that the other is forgiven but acting in ways that show he/she is forgiven (showing affection, resuming normal relationship) 2. Conditional: expressing forgiveness but with stipulations ("You're forgiven as long as...") 3. Minimizing: shrugging off the offense as not very serious-reducing the consequences 4. Discussion: acknowledging and talking about the failure event, sharing perspectives 5. Explicit: a declaration of forgiveness often used with other combinations

Types of Love using this model

1. Romantic love: passion plus intimacy 2. Infatuation: passion only 3. Companionate love: intimacy plus commitment 4. Fatuous love: passion plus commitment 5. Empathy love: commitment only 6. Liking: intimacy only 7. Consummate love: intimacy plus passion plus commitment

Common Principles of Friendship (4 things)

1. We usually form friendships with our equals. 2. We expect equality and equity with both partner providing similar amounts of emotional and material 3. Typically, people have up to five close friends. 4. In all of our social interactions, we are happiest when we are in the company of our friends.

Indirect termination strategies: attempts to break up a relationship without explicitly stating the desire of termination (3 things)

1. Withdrawal: in an attempt to avoid confrontation it involves reducing the amount of contact and interaction without explanation 2. Pseudo-de-escalation: statement to redefine the relationship at a lower level of intimacy but where termination is desired 3. Cost escalation is an attempt to increase the costs involved with the relationship in order to encourage the other partner to terminate it. This may include asking for an unreasonable amount of time, picking fights, criticizing the other, or violating "rules". men apparently use this strategy more often than women.

Co-parenting maybe one of 3 types:

1. conflicted: includes frequent conflicts, poor conflict management and failure to emotionally disengage 2. parallel: characterized with low conflict, low communication, and emotional disengagement 3. cooperative: includes good communication, coordination, and flexibility. *in 2013 nearly 4 out of 10 children in the U.S. were born to unmarried women

organizations look for employees who can relate effectively to other people and the workplace become as major source for developing interpersonal relationships. workplace friendships provide the following values and functions: (7) *workplace romances are common and surveys indicate that 40-80% of respondents have dated a coworker. an additional survey found that 31% of workers had married a person they dated at work. the most significant problem in workplace romances occur when the relationship is between a boss and his/her employee. Quid pro quo harassment is the implied or explicit promise of reward in exchange for sexual favors or threat of retaliation if sexual favors are withheld. the Latin phrase basically means, "You do something for me and I'l do something for you"

1. information exchange flows more openly between friends 2. social support helps manage stress and challenges unique to the workplace 3. organizational support occurs when workplace friends are allies and advocates 4. newcomer assistance reduces tensions that come from a new job and helps adjust socially into a new organization 5. improved performance comes from friends that provide objective advice and feedback, assists in decision making, provides resources and can lend a hand when needed 6. retention is the chance that you will stay in jobs where you have friends 7. organizational change comes from the trust and sense of identity that develop from friendship networks. if friends are open to the change, you'll probably be more accepting of the challenge

2 factors more than any other lead to short-term initial attraction

1. proximity is the physical nearness to another that promotes communication and thus attraction. any circumstance that increases the possibilities of interaction is likely to increase attraction but has been found to be more of a factor in initial attraction than in maintenance attraction 2. physical appearance is used to make predictions about who is most likely to have something in common with us. in short-term sexual relationships, physical appearance is more important than in long-term romantic relationships. however, in the process of meeting sexual needs, people may develop long-term relationships the evolutionary theory of mate selection suggests that men and women use physical appearance to determine the adequacy of potential mates.

Types of Interpersonal Relationships (2)

1. relationships of circumstances are those that form simply because our lives overlap with others' in some way. relationships of choice are those that we seek out and intentionally develop. this makes a difference on how we communicate and act because the stakes are different. 2. power can type a relationship according to the way partners share power or decision-making responsibilities. in a complimentary relationship, one person usually dominates or makes most of the decisions. in a symmetrical relationship, both partners behave toward power in the same way, either both wanting power or both avoiding it. a competitive symmetrical relationship exists when both people vie for power and control of decision making. when neither partner wants to take control or make decisions, a submissive symmetrical relationship is created. most relationships are parallel relationships involving a shifting back and forth of the power between partners, depending on the situation

Strategies for Improving Family Communication (4)

1. take time to talk about relationships and feelings: be other oriented in focus and don't take self too seriously 2. listen actively and clarify the meaning of messages: stop, look, and listen and check your interpretations 3. support and encourage one another with confirming messages and selective disclosure of your feelings 4. use productive strategies for managing conflict, stress, and change by picking battles carefully and scheduling discussion and acknowledging your partner's viewpoint

Principles underlying the relational stages (7)

1. you can choose to remain in a given relational stage (to stay on any given floor). in order to stay at a given stage we engage in relational maintenance strategies. 2. the speed of progressing through the stage varies some elevator rides are faster than others. an "express" elevator can be used to terminate a relationship leaving the abandoned partner in turmoil. 3. changes in relationships are signaled with turning points. turning points are the specific events or interaction associated with a positive or negative change in a relationship. casual turning points are events that bring about a change in a relationship moving you closer or further apart such as a significant lie. reflective turning points are events that signal a change in the way a relationship is defined such as meeting the parents. 4. change occurs within each stage. many relational qualities increase (or decrease) within a given stage-trust grows, closeness increases, etc. 5. change occurs between stages. there is a period of time on the elevator where you are between floors and transitioning from one stage to another. 6. movement through the stages can be forward or backward (the elevator can go up or down) 7. relational development involves negotiation change (both parties much agree on which button to push)

Romantic Relationships: the closest relationship you develop with another human being

3 qualities: 1. Love 2. Commitment 3. Physical attraction and sex

Relationship

a connection you establish when you communicate with another person.

reproach

a message that indicates an expectation has been violated, pointing out a failure event. they are usually direct statements, but can also be conveyed indirectly through hints or nonverbal messages

C. Jealousy

a reaction to the threat of losing a valued relationship. cognitive jealousy includes thoughts about the loss of a partner and emotional (affective) jealousy are the feelings of anger, hurt, distrust worry, or concern about the threat of losing a relationship.

Friendship

a relationship of choice that exists over time between two people who share a common history. "A friend multiplies our joys and divides our sorrows" (Cicero)

2. Relational Dialectics Theory views relational development at the management of tensions that are pulling us in two directions at the same time.

a. connectedness versus autonomy. we desire to connect with others and to become interdependent but at the same time we desire to remain autonomous and independent. b. predictability versus novelty (certainty versus uncertainty). knowing what to expect and being able to predict the world helps reduce tensions that occurs from uncertainty, but we get bored by constant repetition and routine. c. openness versus closeness. we desire to be totally open with our partners but also value our privacy and feel a desire to hold back information.

Deciding factors of forgiveness

a. factors such as personality, quality of the relationship, nature and severity of the transgression, sincere acknowledgement of responsibility, perceived intentionally, and selfishness of the transgressor. it is also affected by responses of our confidants and others b. responding to failure events with retaliation is an attempt to hurt the partner in response to the hurt he/she has caused to "even the score". this might include aggressive communication (yelling, accusing, and sarcasm); active distancing, manipulation attempts, contacting a rival, and/or violence. c. Guerrero and Bachman's model of possible responses to transgressions, based on severity of the transgression and the quality of the relationship and the rewards and costs associated with that quadrant. whether the relationship will continue may depend on whether the victim has alternative relationships available

1. Social Exchange Theory is an economic model of human behavior that claims people make relationship decisions by assessing and comparing the costs and rewards. rewards and costs affect our decisions to escalate, maintain, or terminate relationships.

a. immediate rewards/costs occur in a relationship in the present moment. forecasted rewards/costs are based on projection or prediction. b. cumulative rewards/costs represent the total rewards and costs accrued over the duration of the relationship c. expected rewards and costs are the construct templates in our minds for what relationships should be like. we use the expected costs and rewards to assess current relationships. Communication researchers Gerald Miller and Malcolm Parks explain that we move quickly to terminate relationships that fall below our expectations when there are opportunities to develop new relationships with the potential to exceed those expectations. d. comparison to alternatives. we compare the costs/rewards of our current relationship to the forecasted costs/rewards of other potential relationships

3. Self-disclosure and Social Penetration Theory posits the movement toward intimacy is connected to increased breadth and depth of self-disclosing. the Social Penetration Model is a circle divided into many pieces with each one representing a particular aspect of you in depth and breadth.

a. self-disclosing is moderated by rules and boundaries. the communication management theory (CPM) suggests that we each have individual rules or boundaries about how much private information we share and with whom we share that information. boundaries may be implicit (unsaid but expected), explicit (said), or have no rules. b. self-disclosure usually occurs in small increments. c. self-disclosure moves from less personal to more personal information. level 5 is cliche communication, level 4 is facts and biographical information, level 3 includes attitudes and personal ideas, level 2 is personal feelings and level 1 is peak communication that is "gut level". Author John Powell calls this the ultimate level of self-disclosure that is seldom reached because of the risk and trust involved with being so open and revealing. d. self-disclosure is reciprocal. the dyadic effect represents the nature of "You disclose to me" and "I'll disclose to you" e. self-disclosure involves risks and requires trust. includes the risk of another sharing the information or the risk of rejection by that person. looking for clues to validate or invalidate an online claim is called warranting. f. self-disclosure reflects perceptions about the nature of your relationships. what you reveal and what others reveal to you provides information about how each of you perceives the nature, quality, and intimacy of the relationship. when a partner is unwilling to disclose, that partner might be implicitly conveying a lack of interest in escalating the relationship.

1. Violating expectations: just as relational expectations are part of the definition of relationships, violations of these expectations are an unavoidable part of relationship development (relationship challenges)

a. socially based expectations are based on roles (best friend, partner, boyfriend, spouse, etc) b. relationship specific expectations are the implicit (unspoken) and explicit (stated) expectations and understandings specific to your relationship violations are known as a failure event and/or transgressions c. severity can be thought of as occurring along a continuum with those that are least severe often being ignored. at the most severe end would be unfaithfulness, breaking a promise, etc. we don't all asses severity in the same way

1. Committed Partners: identified into 4 types according to researcher Mary Anne Fitzpatrick *traditional couples are the most satisfied *separate couples are the least. because of the complexity of factors that lead to marital satisfaction has prevented the identification of a definitive set of skills or behaviors that lead to relationship satisfaction; it is easier to identify those that leads to dissatisfaction or termination of the relationship. *in Chapter 10, Gottman identified the predictors of divorce as criticism, contempt, defensive behaviors, and stonewalling. poor communication in general and the inability to manage conflict constructively are likely to lead to dissatisfaction, dysfunction, and/or relational termination.

a. traditional couples: interdependent, exhibit a lot of sharing and companionship, have conflicts, emphasize stability over spontaneity, and follow traditional community customs b. independent couples: share and exhibit companionship but allow each other individual space; believe the relationship should not limit their individual freedoms. they are psychologically interdependent but have a hard time matching schedules, and engage in conflict. c. separate couples: hold somewhat opposing values where they support traditional marriage and family values but stress the individual over the couple. they have low interdependence and avoid conflict d. mixed couples: have a different perspective (traditional, separate, or mixed) on the relationship and can be one of 6 different combinations

1. Shared perception

between two people of an ongoing relationship, where the greater the similarity, the stronger the relationship. often the partners do not think of the relationship in the same way which can be the source of interpersonal conflict

the decision to end a relationship

can be bilateral (mutually agreed upon) or unilateral (decided by one partner). the relationship often ends through fading away (slowly drifting apart), sudden death (abrupt or unplanned), or incrementalism (systematic progression of de-escalation through stages) *top ten reasons fro relationship de-escalation and relationship termination ranges from nagging (#10) up to jealous or critical (#1)

3. Relationships that Challenge Social Norms (relationship challenges)

each culture establishes certain norms about what are appropriate and inappropriate relationships, based on social values, biases, and prejudices.

Affinity Seeking Statements

examples: "No kidding! I love chocolate-covered strawberries too." "It's nice to be able to talk to someone else who's a fan of Survivor" -Statements like these emphasize commonalities and are used to encourage a listener to like the speaker

Circumplex Model of Family Interaction

explains the dynamics of both effective function and dysfunction within family systems (3 dimensions) 1. adaptability is the families ability to modify and respond to changes in the family's power structure and roles and ranges from chaotic to rigid along a continuum of balanced, mid-range, and extreme (how flexible is the family) 2. cohesion is the emotional bonding and feelings of togetherness that families experience and ranges from excessively tight (enmeshed) to disengaged 3. communication is the third key element and the most critical one because everything in the model is influenced by communication. the nature of the communication in the family has a direct impact on the development of family members' interpersonal communication skills. dysfunctional families that are unable to adapt or alter their levels of cohesion invariably display poor communication skills such as blaming others for problems, criticizing one another, and poor listening

Family Relationships

families are dynamic and changing. even the definition of a family has changed over time, often creating controversy. your text defines family as a self-defined unit made up of any number of persons who live or have lived in relationship with one another over time in a common living space and who usually, but not always, united by marriage and kinship.

1. Upward Communication (formal relationships and communication directions - 4)

flows from subordinates to superiors. the Pelz effect describes the phenomenon that subordinates are more satisfied in their jobs when they feel their immediate supervisor has influence on decisions made at higher levels.

2. Downward Communication

flows from superiors to subordinates. the leader-member exchange theory (LMX) posits that supervisors develop different types of relationships with different subordinates and that seeks to explain differences on subordinate's satisfaction and productivity. in a hostile environment, which is a type of sexual harassment, and employee's right are threatened through offensive working, conditions or behaviors on the part of other workers. jokes are not innocent and pictures are not "all in fun" when they make an employee feel degraded

4. Outward Communication

flows to those outside an organization such as customers. empathy, good listening skills, and awareness of nonverbal messages are crucial

3. Relational expectation

formed as you continue to interact and develop the relationship. while you bring a set of preformed expectations based on your socialization and experiences, as a relationship develops you and your partner establish expectations specific to that relationship. if expectations are violated (friend doesn't call or text) in intimate relationships you'll use a direct information approach to reduce uncertainty

4. Separation

happens as individuals make an intentional decision to eliminate or minimize further interpersonal interaction. for relationships that never went beyond exploration or intensification, the negotiation is often relatively painless.

4. Single parent family

has one parent raising one or more children due to divorce, unmarried parenthood, separation, desertion and death. this represents 34% of the families in the U.S. today with different causes of single parenthood directly affecting the nature of the parent-child relationship

2. Pluralistic families

have a high conversation orientation and a low conformity orientation. have very open, unrestrained conversations which emphasizes talking without a concern for conformity. *this type of family has the most positive family relationships among the 4 types

1. Consensual families

have a high orientation toward both conversation and conformity, encourage children to talk, but children are expected to accept their parents' explanations and values as parents make the decisions. this creates a lot of stress as many negative feelings get expressed and families rely heavily on external social support.

3. Protective families

have a low conversation orientation and a high orientation toward conformity. emphasize obedience and the parents' authority in decision making without discussions or explanations. harmony, agreement, and conformity are the goals and conflict is discouraged. the lack of conflict-management skills leads members to experience higher levels of hostile feelings, more venting of these feelings and short emotional outbursts

4. Laissez-faire families

have a low orientation toward both conversation and conformity. tend to have few interactions and only on a few topics. conflicts are infrequent since there is little reason for hostility and little investment in the relationship as children feel disassociated from the family

2. Long Distance relationships (LDR's) with physical separation and distance (relationship challenges)

how often partners are able to get together face-to-face also determines the impact of the physical distance. recent studies found that when those in a long-distance dating relationship moved to a proximal relationship, they were likely to terminate the relationship.

1. Nuclear or natural families

include mother, father, and their biological children. Today, such a family is sometimes called an idealized natural family

2. Extended families

include relatives such as aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and/or unrelated persons who are part of a family unit

B. Communication that Hurts Feelings

includes active verbal responses, acquiescent responses, and invulnerable responses

2. Deintensification

increases physical, emotional, and psychological distance with dependence on the other for self-confirmation decreased. the partners might discuss the definition of the relationship, question its future and assess levels of satisfaction or dissatisfaction. while the relationship can be repaired and moved back to intensification and intimacy, it is more difficult at this stage.

6. Voluntary (Fictive) kin

individuals we consider family regardless of their legal or blood connection (3 types) 1. substitute voluntary kin: fill in for other family members who have died or are out of the picture. 2. Supplemental voluntary kin: occur in parallel to existing family relationships but often meet a void or deficit with an actual family member 3. convenience voluntary kin: arise because the context makes them easily accessible but will dissolve when members leave (workplace)

Genesis of interpersonal relationships: Attraction

interpersonal attraction is the degree to which you want to form or maintain an interpersonal relationship. short-term initial attraction is the degree to which you sense a potential for developing an interpersonal relationship while long-term maintenance attraction is the degree of liking or positive feelings that motivate us to maintain or escalate a relationship. Michael Sunnafrank's theory of predicted outcome value (POV) posits that we asses the potential of any given relationship to meet our needs and weight that assessment against the potential costs.

A. Deception - 4 things. (A-E are the Dark Side of Interpersonal communication and relationships: use of communication in damaging or unethical ways)

interpersonal deception theory is an explanation of deception and detection as processes affected by the transactional nature of interpersonal interactions. factors that influence the process include context, relationship, interpersonal skills, suspicion, and expectations. 1. deception by omission (concealment) involves intentionally holding back some of the information another person has requested or that you are expected to share 2. deception by commission is the deliberate presentation of false information-lying. white lies involve on a slight degree of falsification that has a minimal consequence. exaggeration or stretching the truth or embellishing the facts. bald faced lies are outright falsifications of information intended to deceive the listener. 3. reasons for deception include: to gain resources, to avoid harm or loss of resources, to protect one's self image, for entertainment, and to protect another person's resources, self-image, or safety 4. effects of deception include leading to incorrect decisions or actions, harming relationships, loss of trust, harming innocent bystanders, embarrassment, guilty conscience, or damaged reputation

1. Turmoil or stagnation

involves an increase in conflicts as partners find more faults in the other. the relationship might lose its clarity, and mutual acceptance declines. the climate is tense, and exchanges are difficult. stagnation occurs when the relationship loses its vitality and the partners become complacent. communication and physical contact decreases, they spend less time together, but do not necessarily fight. relationships can remain on this "floor" for a long time, or the individuals can repair, redefine, or revitalize the relationship and return to intimacy.

Family Communication Pattern Model (4 families)

is based on the dimensions of conversation (encouragement to discuss any topic) and conformity (embracing the same values, attitudes, and beliefs). families range from strong to weak in conversation and conformity orientations *in research, the conversation orientation related more to the psychosocial factors of self-esteem, mental and physical health, closeness and relational satisfaction than did the conformity orientation. *open communication appears to be one of the most significant and positive communication dynamics a family can adopt

2. Ongoing interdependent connection

means the relationship is a system and a process. interdependence occurs because each partner relies on the other to meet needs. the motivation for the ongoing connection is because both of their needs are being satisfied fairly an equally as a process, the relationship is dynamic, therefore, constantly changing and evolving. relationships are always moving to a new level or being redefined. the history becomes part of the relationship and affects each subsequent interaction. you can't un-initiate or take back an argument you've had. while you can forgive and be forgiven, it will always have an impact on the partners and relationship

Relationship De-Escalation

movement that occurs when a relationship decreases in intimacy or comes to an end. instead of going down the same elevator you came up on-it is not a reversal of the relationship formation process. it can involve only one or two stages and a post-intimacy relationship can occur when partners de-escalate from the intimate stage but still maintain a relationship. (5 stages)

interpersonal relationship

multifaceted definition with 4 elements (the next 4 flashcards)

2. Parents and Children

parents affect their children's interpersonal communication development by interacting with them, by providing instruction about communication rules and principles, and by engaging in communication that children observe

3. Horizontal Communication

refers to communication among coworkers at the same level within an organization. most often used to coordinate job tasks, share plans and information, solve problems, clarity of procedures, manage conflict, or for emotional support on job. most communication takes place here

3. Siblings

relationships with brothers and sisters tend to be the most enduring. the sex, age, and number of siblings influence the nature of the relationships. communication and relationships change through three stages: 1. childhood and adolescence 2. early and middle adulthood 3. old age

D. Obsessive relational intrusion (ORI)

repeated invasion of a person's privacy by a stranger or acquaintance who desires or assumes a close relationship. Stalking is the repeated, unwelcome intrusions that create concern for the personal safety and fear in the target.

Triangular theory of love

suggests that all loving relationships can be described according to the three dimensions of intimacy, commitment, and passion. a. Intimacy: trust, caring, support, understanding, openness b. Commitment: loyalty, devotion, need for each other c. Passion: excitement, sexual interest, and activity and longing

5. Intimacy

the "top floor" of the relational high-rise. the two partners turn to each other for confirmation and acceptance of their self-concepts. communication is highly personalized and synchronized. the commitment to maintaining the relationship might be formalized through marriage or another agreement.

5. Post-separation effects

the bottom floor on the down elevator and represents the lasting effects the relationship has on your self and on other interactions and relationships. although your interaction with the other may have ceased altogether, the effects are never over.

4. Interpersonal intimacy

the degree to which relational partners mutually confirm and accept each other's sense of self. the closer the relationship, the more you depend on a partner to accept and confirm your sense of self. going from being strangers to being best friends or lovers involves moving through a number of relational stages. our communication behaviors and strategies are directly linked to the level of relational intimacy

5. Family of Origin

the family in which a person is raised and overlaps the other types of families. it is where you learn the rules and skills of interpersonal communication and develop your basic assumptions about relationships

3. Exploration

the floor where you begin to share more in-depth information about yourself. communication becomes easier and a large amount of low risk disclosure occurs (most verbal)

Relationship Escalation

the movement of a relationship toward greater intimacy usually through a series of stages (5 stages)

3. Individualization

the next "floor" down when the partners tend to define their lives more as individual and less as a couple. the perspective changes from "we" and "us" to "you" and "me" and property is defined as "yours", "mine" rather than "ours". both partners turn to others for confirmation of their self-concepts.

E. Relational Violence

the range of destructive behaviors aimed at the other person, including aggressiveness, threats, violent acts, and verbal, psychological and physical abuse. males are responsible for almost all intimate terrorism (using violence to control or dominate), females for violent resistance (meeting attempts at control with a violent response), and both engage in situational couple violence the most frequently occurring form of relational violence. acts of relational violence communicate anger, frustration, lack of control, and disregard for a partner and the relationship.

account (the process of addressing failure events often follows the reproach-account pattern, in which both partners must make a number of decisions)

the response to a reproach which typically takes one of 5 forms: a. apology: admission that the failure event occurred, acceptance of responsibility, and expression of regret. b. excuses: admission that the failure event occurred, coupled with a contention that nothing could have been done to prevent the failure because it was due to unforeseen circumstances. c. justifications: accepting responsibility but redefining the event as not a failure. d. denials: statements that the failure event never took place e. absence of an account, or silence: ignoring a reproach or refusing to address it *there isn't always a reproach for an account to happen *responding with forgiveness: forgiveness of a failure event was defined as accepting the event, moving on, coming to terms, getting over it, letting go of negative feelings and grudges, and continuing the relationship.

Repair and rejuvination

the underlying success of any relationship repair is the degree both partners wish to continue the relationship (and at what stage). the ability to rejuvenate (put new life back into the relationship) depends on the degree to which both partners recognize the reasons for relational decay and the level of the interest and commitment to changing the behaviors. repair takes place through discussion but rejuvenation takes place with behavior.

2. Acquaintance

the very first interaction is a turning point that begins this stage. you stick to safe and superficial topics and present a "public self" to the other person. the two sub-stages on this floor are the introductions sub-stage where you share names and basic demographic information and the casual banter sub-stage where a continual light banter is sustained after you know someone

1. Pre-interaction awareness

through passive observations you form an initial impression and might signal openness to being approached by the other

3. Blended families

two adults and their children because of death, divorce, separation, or adoption *given so many relationships, communication becomes an even more significant factor in the development and maintenance of a healthy family *stepfamilies that function well not only engage in everyday talk but spend time together having fun and developing a sense of unity and share purpose, have clear rules and boundaries within and across families, engage in family problem solving, and promote a positive image of the noncustodial parent.

De-escalation and Termination of Relationships

when you identify problems in the relationship you have four choices: wait and see what happens, make a decision to redefine the relationship, end the relationship or try and repair the relationship

4. Intensification

when you start to depend on each other for self-confirmation and engage in more risky self-disclosure. you spend more time together and perhaps put a turning point label on the relationship such as "going steady", "good buddies" or maybe decide to be exclusive, to become roommates or allow each other into the family circle.