Consent

Do you ever talk about sex and consent when you're not in bed?

Are you uncomfortable with your body or your sexuality?Have you been sexually abused? Has your own uncomfortableness or your own abuse history caused you to act in abusive ways? If so, have you ever been able to talk to anyone about it? Do you think talking about it is or could be helpful?

Should people seek consent the same way when they are drunk as when they are sober?

Do people need to take things more lightly?

Do you pursue friendship with people because you want to be with them, and then give up on the friendship if that person isn't interested in you sexually?

Do you assume that is someone is affectionate they are probably sexually interested in you?

Do you think it's okay to initiate something sexual with someone who's sleeping? What if that person is your partner? Do you think it's important to talk with them about it when they're awake first?

Do you behave differently when you've been drinking?

What is a good thing to do if someone becomes uncomfortable with what is happening, or if they don't want to do something?

Do you do things to show others that you're listening and that you're interested in their ideas about consent?

Is it okay to fetishize or objectify people because of their gender presentation? i.e.

Do you ever avoid talking about consent or abuse because you aren't ready to or don't want to talk about your own sexual abuse?

Do you make people feel "unfun" or "unliberated" if they don't want to try certain sexual things?

Do you ever try and make bargains? i.e. "If you let me ______, I'll do ____ for you"?

Should one's partner ever feel obligated to initiate sex?

Do you initiate conversations with others about safe sex and birth control (if applicable)?

How do you define consent?

Do you know people, or have you been with people who define consent differently than you?

Do you think it is possible to misinterpret silence for consent?

Do you only ask about these kinds of things if you are in a serious relationship or do you feel comfortable talking in casual situations too?

Do you think these questions are repressive and people who look critically at their sexual histories and their current behavior are uptight and should be more "liberated"? Do you think liberation might be different for different people?

Do you tell your side of the story and try and change the way they experienced the situation?

Are you clear about your own intentions?

Do you think hesitance is a form of flirting? Are you aware that in some instances it is not?

Have you ever been sexual with people when you were drunk or when they were drunk? Have you ever felt uncomfortable or embarrassed about it the next day? Has the person you were with ever acted weird to you afterward?

Do you think is important to talk the next day with the person you've been sexual with if there has been drinking involved? If not, is it because it's uncomfortable or because you think that's just the way things go?

Do you understand that there are many other reasons, that have nothing to do with you, that a person might dress or act in a way that you might find sexual?

Do you think sex is a game?

Do you think saying something as vague as "I've been tested recently" is enough?

Do you think that if one person has a body that can get pregnant, and they don't want to it is up to them to provide birth control? Do you complain or refuse safe sex or the type of birth control you partner wants to use because it reduces your pleasure? Do you try to manipulate your partner about these issues?

Do you think that if someone is promiscuous that makes it okay to objectify them, or talk about them in ways you normally wouldn't?

Do you think that if someone dresses in a certain way it makes it okay to objectify them?

Is it important to take a partners concerns about safe sex and/or birth control seriously?

Do you view sexuality and gender presentation as part of a whole person, or do you consider those to be exclusively sexual aspects of people?

Is it important to ask someone what kinds of signs you should look for if they have a hard time verbalizing when something feels wrong?

Does talking ruins the mood?

Do you think only men abuse? Do you think that in a relationship between people of the same gender, only the one who is more "manly" abuses?

Have you ever talked about consent with your partner(s) or friends?

Have you ever been unsure about whether or not the person you were being sexual with wanted to be doing what you were doing? Did you talk about it? Did you ignore it in hopes that it would change? Did you continue what you were doing because it was pleasurable to you and you didn't want to deal with what the other person was experiencing? Did you continue because you didn't wan to second-guess the other person? Did you continue because you felt it was your duty? How do you feel about the choices you made?

How might someone express that what is happening is not okay?

Do you find yourself repeating binary gender behaviors, even within queer relationships and friendships? How might this make others feel?

If someone is dressed in drag, do you take it as an invitation to make sexual comments?

Could you ever accidentally thought someone's actions were flirtatious when that wasn't actually the message they wanted to get across?

If someone is promiscuous, is it less important to get consent?

Why should one consider a partner's (or partners') abuse histories before engaging in sexual activity?

If someone receives consent once, should they assume it's always okay after that?

Do you check in as things progress or do you assume the original consent means everything is okay?

If someone receives consents to one thing, should they assume everything else is okay or should they ask before touching in different ways or taking things to more intense levels?

Is it the other person's responsibility to say something if they aren't into what is happening?

Is a verbal affirmation of consent the only way to give it but are there other ways to give consent?

Do you think there is ongoing work that we can do to end sexual violence in our communities?

Is it fair to use jealousy as a means of control?

Does being in a relationship with someone mean that they have an obligation to have sex with their partner?

Is it fair to whine or threaten if a partner is not having the amount of sexual interactions or the kind of sexual interactions that you want?

Is it okay to be resentful of people who want or need to talk about being abused? Why?

Is it okay to pursue someone sexually even after they have said they just want to be friends?

If someone dresses in a certain way does it means that they want your sexual attention or approval?

Is it someone's responsibility or role to overcome another person's hesitancy by pressuring them or making light of it?

Have you ever tried asking someone what they're feeling? If so, did you listen to them and respect them?

Should someone try to get themselves into situations that give them an excuse for touching someone else who would say no if you asked? i.e. dancing, getting really drunk around them, falling asleep next to them

Do you ever look at how you interact with people or how you treat people, positive or negative, and where that comes from/where you learned it?

What are positive aspects of drinking for people? What are negative aspects?

Do you ever feel obligated to have sex?

What if days, months, or years later someone tells you they were uncomfortable with what you did? Do you grill them?

Have you made your partner(s) stop hanging out with certain friends, or limit their social interactions in general because of jealousy or insecurity?

What if they want to abstain from sex for a week? A month? A year?

Do you think about affection, sexuality and boundaries? Do you talk about these issues with people? If so, do you talk about them only when you want to be sexual with someone or do you talk about them because you think it is important and you genuinely want to know?

Would you ever try to talk someone into doing something sexually that they showed hesitancy about?