Exam #2 Study Guide

Differences Between Friendships and Love

- Friendships are based on the same building blocks of intimacy as romances are, but the mix of components is usually different. Romances also have some ingredients that friendships typically lack, so their recipes do differ. - love includes fascination with one's partner's sexual desire and a greater desire for exclusiveness, more stringent standards of conduct, harder to dissolve, spend more time, more passionate

Interdependence Theory

- Successful relationships entail the mutual exchange of desirable rewards with others (social exchange) -A theory with concepts to understand and predict interactions among two people. Emphasis is on concepts representing interactions. Application is to study both partner.

Interdependence Theory: CL‐alt and dependence

--Whether or not we're happy, we use a second criterion, a comparison level for alternatives (or CLalt), to determine whether we could be doing even better somewhere else. Your CLalt describes the outcomes you'd receive by leaving your current relationship and moving to the best alternative partnership or situation you have available.

Explain the attitudes toward same-sex sexuality and reasons that its acceptance is ever increasing.

-59% view it as being morally acceptable.-Attitudes have changed dramatically in recent years; in 2014 59% of Americans supported same sex, and only 34% were opposed.-in 2001; 57% Americans opposed today 61% of Americans approve(and it is legal nationwide) -More visibility in public life than ever, TV programs openly discuss these issues, we have actors and figures who are openly apart of the community -The more contact ppl have with gays/lesbians the more favorable their feelings toward them tend to be(Contact hypothesis) -Young adults have more favorable than elderly ppl do, but much more likely to know and like openly gay and lesbian ppl too. -we understand same-sex sexuality much better than we use to//our judgement come from why someone is gay or lesbian(if it is biological or a choice)

Provide evidence that clear communication is linked with sexual satisfaction

-Most people feel awkward talking about sex, clear communication about sex is associated with greater satisfaction with sex.

Different Combinations of Different Kinds of Love

-Non-love: if you do not have intimacy, passion, and commitment are all absent. You have a causal, superficial, uncommitted relationship between ppl who are acquaintances, not friends(coworkers) -Liking: characterized by intimacy alone(it is high), It occurs in friendships w/real closeness & warmth that do not arouse passion, you know a lot about them, but no hooking up. -Infatuation: high passion, low intimacy & commitment; when you pine for someone, hookup buddies -Empty Love: High commitment, low intimacy& passion; burned-out relationships, arranged marriages -Romantic love: high intimacy & high passion, low commitment. A combo of liking & infatuation. A summer love affair can be very romantic, but both ppl know it is going to end once summer is over. -Companionate love: high intimacy, high commitment, low passion; a deep-long term friendship. a long, happy marriage in which the couple's passion has gradually died down. -Fatuous love: High passion, high commitment, low intimacy; whirlwind courtships in which they marry quickly in the overwhelming passion but do not know each other very well. -Consummate love: high intimacy, high passion, high commitment; this is what people seek to complete.

Evidence that Love declines over time

-Romantic love; decreases pretty steadily after marriage; scores on romantic & passionate love scales go down as the years go by. -Fantasy enhances romances, it erodes with time and experience -Extent that romance is enhanced by idealized glorification of one's partner, we should expect it to decline when ppl begin living together & reality intrudes. -Novelty adds excitement and energy to new loves, it causes sexual arousal; -Frequency of sexual intercourse declines continually over the course of their marriage. (ppl who remarry and change partners increase their frequency of sex. -Ppl who were cohabiting have sex more frequently than those who are married-spending more time w/one partner does really reduce our sexual frequency

Indicate gender differences in the perception of possible sexual situations.

-William & Johnson; Participants of the same sex know what they liked and could predict what their partners might -The most important thing was good communication; gays and lesbians talked more easily & openly about sexual tastes. -They asked about what each other preferred; guide lover on how to please them. like to. The most important thing was good communication; gays and lesbians talked more easily & openly about sexual tastes. -They asked about what each other preferred; guide lover on how to please them.

Interrupting

All couples do this, but distressed couples do this in critical and hostile ways. •They interrupt to express disagreement frequently

Displaying negative affect during interactions

Criticism: that attacks a partner's personality or character instead of identifying a specific behavior that is causing concern. --For instance, instead of delineating a particular frustration ("I get annoyed when you leave your wet towel on the floor"), a critic may inflame the interaction by making a global accusation of a character flaw ("You are such a slob!") Contempt: in the form of insults, mockery, or hostile humor is often involved as well Defensiveness: instead of treating the clumsy complaint as legitimate and reasonable, the partners seek to protect themselves from the unreasonable attack by making excuses or by cross-complaining, hurling counterattacks of their own Stonewalling: may follow as a partner "clams up" and reacts to the messy situation by withdrawing into a stony silence. People may believe they're helping the situation by refusing to argue further, but their lack of responsiveness can be infuriating. Instead of demonstrating appropriate acknowledgment and concern for a partner's complaints, stonewalling typically communicates "disapproval, icy distance, and smugness" Belligerence: may occur with one partner aggressively rejecting the other altogether ("So what? What are you gonna do about it?").

3 Influences on Love that Explain Decline

Fantasy Novelty Arousal

Yes - butting

Find faults with anything their partner says, also listen poorly, known as yes-butting. •Communicates constant criticism of the other person's point of view.

Three Components of Love (Sternberg)

Intimacy: which includes the feelings of warmth, understanding, trust, support, and sharing that often characterize loving relationships Passion: which is characterized by physical arousal and desire, excitement, and need. - Passion often takes the form of sexual longing, but any strong emotional need that is satisfied by one's partner fits this category Commitment: which includes feelings of permanence, stability, and the decisions to devote oneself to a relationship and to work to maintain it. Commitment is mainly cognitive in nature, whereas intimacy is emotional and passion is a motive, or drive. - The "heat" in loving relationships is assumed to come from passion, and the warmth from intimacy; in contrast, commitment can be a cool-headed decision that is not emotional or temperamental at all.

Describe how the frequency of sex is associated with sexual and relational satisfaction.

Most people say they're quite satisfied with their sex lives, more sex equals happier relations Sex determination theory: happy, healthiest when engaging in activities we enjoy Neuroscience: more orgasms create more affection/bonding oxytocin and more protection vs depression Interdependency Theory: outcomes comparison levels, more rewards in sex, when expectations are met people are happy Sexual Pleasure and Wellbeing: "the contrasting balance of potential pleasure on the one hand and deeply felt self-controls on the other gives rise to many problems of sexual health." note the complexities in the basic patterns as a function of such factors as the match between ideal and actual sexual frequency, frequency of arguments in the relationships, and the partners' participation in non-sexual activities together

Interdependence Theory: Key Concepts

Rewards: results of an interaction that are gratifying, welcome, fulfilling Costs: consequences that are frustrating, distressing, and undesirable Outcomes: Net profit or loss ; Outcome = rewards - costs Satisfaction: Outcomes − CL = Satisfaction or Dissatisfaction Comparison level (CL): that describes the value of the outcomes that we've come to expect and believe that we deserve in our dealings with others. Our CLs are based on our past experiences. People who have a history of highly rewarding partnerships are likely to have high CLs, meaning that they expect and feel they deserve very good outcomes now. In contrast, people who have had troublesome relationships in the past are likely to expect less and to have lower CLs

Drifting off - beam

Their conversations frequently drift off-beam, wandering from topic to topic so the conversation never stays long enough on the problem to resolve it. -Do a bad job at hearing each other

Cross-complaining

They also engage in cross-complaining, responding to a partner's complaint with one of their own •Fails to acknowledge the other's concerns.

Mindreading

They jump to conclusions with mindreading and wrongly assume that they understand their partners thoughts, feelings, and opinions without asking.

Kitchen - sinking

They're prone to kitchen-sinking in which they confuse issues by addressing several topics at once. Primary concern then gets lost in the barrage of frustrations.

Dysfunctional Communication Patterns of Unhappy partners

Unhappy people do a poor job of saying what they mean