Exam 5 intimate relations

What are microexpressions?

Flashes of our true feelings that we try to conceal

If someone wants their betrayal to do the least harm to the relationship, they should do what? p. 333-335.)

Forgive

When they want to begin a relationship, men are likely to use what kind of strategy? What is an indirect strategy? What is a direct strategy? p. 376-377

Men are more likely to use direct, Direct strategy is they explicitly ask for what they want and are straight forward, Indirect strategy is when they hint at what they want

Love is an example of which type of resource? What is a particularistic resource? p. 370

Particularistic resources are valuable in some situations but not in others, and they may confer power to their owner only with particular partners

What are different technologies used for lie detection?

Polygraph, Layered voice analysis, Thermal imaging, Laser Doppler

Referent power

Power over our partners when they adore us and wish to what we want because they feel connected to us

What is the most crucial ingredient in jealousy? p. 315, ppt

The romantic rival who threatens to lure a partner away

What is the foolproof method for detecting humans lying?

There is none

Why women are better at understanding nonverbal behavior than men are? p. 374-375

They gain valuable information that helps them be better partners and that can increase their influence over men

In a phone interview survey of Americans researchers found that 24% of women and 14% of men had experienced a violent assault of by an intimate partner. p. 380-381

24%, 14%

According to the research of DePaulo, what percentage of people report telling NO lies in the previous week? p. 327-328

5%

Which attachment style is most commonly associated with conflict? p. 343-344

Anxious about abandonment nervously perceive dissension and difficulty where it does not exist and then respond with greater hurt and distress than others would

What are the characteristics of the "avoiders," "hostiles," "validators," and "volatiles?" p. 356-358

Avoiders-Rarely argue as they avoid confrontation and if they do discuss their conflicts, they do so mildly and gingerly Hostels-are couples who fail to maintain a 5:1 ratio of nice behavior to nasty conduct. They're discussions are sprinkled with a Little too much criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal, and the longer they last the more oppressive they become Validators are calm, empathic, respectul Volátiles are frequent passionate

According to deception experts, what is a main reason that people are not very good at detecting lies?

Because people want to believe what people tell us: self-deception

Who do we trust least in society when it comes to lying?

Car salesman, politicians

What most often gives away liars? p. 330

Changes in a person's ordinary behavior

Behavior control

Changing one's own behavior, one encourages a partner to alter his or her actions in a desirable direction (Woman provides a special backrub if her partner cleans the garage, she is engaging in behavior control)

Those who lie to others can begin to perceive the recipients of the lies as less honest and trustworthy. This is called .... p. 328

Deceiver's distrust This seems to occur both because liars assume that other people are just like them, so they assume that others share their own deceitful motives and because they feel better about themselves when they believe their faults are shared but others

What are dialectics? Be familiar with the different kinds of dialectics. p. 341-342.

Dialects are opposing motivations that can never fully satisfied because they contradict each other Account for 1/3 of fights

Which attachment style is least related to jealousy? p. 318, ppt

Dismissing style feel self-sufficient and try not to depend on others is apparently one way to stay relatively immune to jealousy, therefore are least affected when a relationship is threatened

Legitimate power

Exists when our partners believe that we have a reasonable right to tell them what to do and they have an obligation to comply

What are constructive responses to betrayal? p. 331

Facing up to betrayal Reinterpret the event in a positive light and use it as an impetus for personal growth Relying on friends for support

What is fate control? What is behavior control? p. 367

Fate control-One can control a partner's outcomes no matter what the partner does, One can autocratically determine what outcomes a partner receives, thereby controlling the other's fate (When she is his only option, a woman who refuses to have sex with her husband is exercising fate control)

What is attributional conflict? p. 347

Fighting over whose explanation is right and whose account is wrong. Partners may agree entirely about what one of them did but simultaneously disagree completely about why that person did it "You left that there just to annoy me!" "No I didn't, I went to answer my phone and forgot about it"

What is forgiveness? What does it involve doing? p. 335

Forgiveness is a decision to give up your perceived or actual right to get even with, or hold in debt, someone who has wronged you. It is a process in which "harmful conduct is acknowledged" and "the harmed partner extends unserved mercy" to the one who has misbehaved You give up your grudge and discard the desire to retaliate; you don't condone- or forget a partners behavior but you do communicate you "willingness to exit from a potential cycle of abuse and recrimination

Evidence suggests that the most crucial determinant of being the demander in the demand/withdrawal conflict cycle is what? p. 352

Gender differences, Women are encouraged to be communal and expressive , Men are encouraged to be independent and autonomous

According to research by Peplau, indirect and unilateral styles of power are most likely to be used by whom? p. 375-376

Heterosexual women

What are illegitimate demands? With which phase of conflict are they associated? p. 345-346

Illegitimate demands involve requests that seem unjust because they exceed the normal expectations that the partners hold for each other.

Openness and closeness

Intimacy involves self-disclosure and intimate partners are expected to share their thoughts and feelings with each other, however there are partners that like to maintain privacy On one hand there's candor and transparent authenticity On the other hand there's discretion and restraint

What is intimate terrorism? How does it differ from situational couple violence? p. 381

Intimate terrorism is when one partner uses violence as a tool to control and oppress the other, Differs in that situational couple violence typically erupts from a heated conversation that got out of hand

How does couples' conflict style stay the same or change over time? Or does it?p. 360-361

It will most likely remain the same, however conflict can become more constructive over time through self control, not withdrawing, not being negative, and don't reciprocate negatively

How are women judged when they are in positions of leadership? p. 370

Legitimate power seems "unladylike" and women are judged more harshly than a mon would be when she straightforwardly tells others what to do

When women speak in a tentative as opposed to an assertive manner, how does that affect men? p. 373

Men interrupted and controlled the conversation more

Which theory views male jealousy as springing from the importance of insuring that children are their biological offspring? p. 319-320

Men should experience more jealousy than women do at the thought of sexual infidelity in their mates, whereas women do at the thought of emotional infidelity, the possibility that their partners are falling in love with someone else. Either type of infidelity can provoke jealousy in either sex, but they differ in their evolutionary implications For a man, it's not a partner's love for someone else that's the bigger threat to his reproductive success - it's the sex. His child may still thrive if his mate loves another man, but he certainly does not want to raise the other man's children For a woman, it's not a partner's intercourse with someone else that's more dangerous, it's the love; as long as he continue to provide needed resources, her children may still thrive even if he impregnates another woman.

Integration with and separation from one's social network

One's motive to stay involved with other people is sometimes at odds with the wish to devote oneself to a romantic partnership. Finding a satisfying ratio of time spent with and time apart from other people can be difficult

What did Paul Eckman conclude from his research in New Guinea?

Our expressions are based on evolution instead of culture

What is a pattern of negative responsibility attributions? p. 351

Partners trade escalating provocations back and forth Not found in happy, well-adjusted couples but often in distressed, dissatisfied partners

Personal autonomy and connection to others People often want to be free to do what they want, so they value their independence and autonomy,

People also seek warm, close connections to others that can make them dependent on particular partners, People preferences may swing back and forth as conflict between the partners is likely to occur as they strive to fulfill opposing motives at different rates and at different times

Which personality variable is most associated with jealousy? p. 318, ppt

People who are high in neuroticism, who worry about a lot of things, are particularly prone to jealousy

Stability and change

People with pleasant partnerships will want to maintain and protect them, keeping things the way they are People also relish novelty and excitement People are attracted to both the familiar and the new and occasional indecision and conflict may result

From an interdependency perspective, power is based on what? p. 368

Power is based on the resources we control, Reward power > rewards, Coercive power > punishments, Legitimate power > authority, Referent power > respect/love, Expert power > expertise, Informational power > information

What is the Speaker-Listener Technique, and how does it work? p. 361-362

Provides a structure for calm, clear communication about contentious issues that promotes the use of active listening skills, and increases the chances that partners will understand and validate each other despite their disagreement Designed to interrupt the cycle of misperception that too often occurs when partners respond quickly to one another without checking their understanding of the other's intent

What is reactive jealousy? How does it differ from suspicious jealousy? p. 316, ppt

Reactive jealousy occurs when someone becomes aware of an actual threat to a valued relationship Suspicious jealousy occurs when one's partner HASN'T misbehaved and one's suspicions do not fit the facts at hand. It results in worried and mistrustful vigilance and snooping as the jealous partner seeks to confirm his or her suspicions Everybody feels reactive jealousy when they realize that their partners have been unfaithful, but people vary a lot in their tendencies to feel suspicious jealousy in the absence of any provocation. The distinction between the two isn't as sharp as it may seem

reward power and coercive power

Refer to a person's ability to bestow various rewards and punishments on someone else. The benefits and costs can be physical or material goods

What type of person is most likely to forgive? p. 336

Secure people with high agreeableness

Two important strategies for overcoming unwanted jealousy are self-reliance and .....? p. 326.

Self-reliance involves efforts to "stay cool" and to avoid feeling angry or embarrassed by refusing to dwell on the unfairness of the situation. Self-bolstering is boosting one's self esteem by doing something nice for oneself and thinking about one's good qualities Maintaining a sense of self-confidence about one's ability to act and to survive independently apparently helps keep jealousy at manageable levels

What is social power? p. 365

Social power is the ability to influence the behavior of others and to resist their influence on us

What kind of attributions do partners in unhappy marriages make more often? p. 347

Stable and internal causes because the misdeem seem intentional

Structural improvement, integrative agreements, compromise, and domination are associated with which stage of conflict? p. 350

Termination

Which factors have been found to influence the tendency of some women to stay in abusive relationships? p. 390-391

They don't think they'll be better off if they go, Romantic norms encourage them to forgive and forget, They ask themselves why they made him angry or why they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, economic instability, cost of leaving is too high, Fear of greater violence if they leave, They don't want to go

Which behaviors are useful in mastering anger? p. 348

Think differently and consider why your partner may have behaved in such a manner, Pretend you're a "fly on the wall" watching events unfold from a dispassionate, third party perspective, Chill down, Find humor

What are social allergies? p. 346

Through repeated exposure to small recurring nuisances, people may develop hypersensitive reactions of disgust and exasperation that seem out of proportion to any particular provocation Women annoyed with men's uncouth habits Men annoyed with women's lack of consideration

With regard to conflict, John Gottman advises men who want their marriages to work to do what? p. 360

To not avoid conflict

What is characteristic of deception in close as opposed to less-intimate relationships? p. 330

Truth bias in which they assume that their partners are usually telling the truth

Who makes us jealous? p. 318, ppt

We become jealous when our partners are interested in someone else, but not all rivals are created equal Rivalry from friend is more upsetting than similar behavior from a stranger, it's especially painful when partners start expressing renewed interest in former lovers Romantic rivals have high mate value and who make us look bad by comparison are worrisome threats to our relationships, and they arouse more jealousy than do rivals who are milder competition

How do we communicate differently when we lie?

We distance ourselves from the situation use the words; I, me, my , he ,she, they less

When will a person use a direct strategy of power? p. 377

When a man wants to ask a woman on a date and begin a relationship

Expert power

When our partners recognize out superior knowledge and experience and are influenced by us because we know more than we do

Informational power

When we have specific pieces of information that influence our partners' behavior; our partners may do what we want if we offer to share a juicy bit of gossip with them

With regard to couple violence among heterosexuals in the United States, who is more likely to be physically injured by their partner's actions? p. 382-384

Women

How does spouses' shared decision making tend to affect their marriage and the likelihood of divorce? p. 378

Women are a lot happier when they're as powerful as their husbands and notably, their husbands are a little happier too. Everybody wins when the power is shared , lowering the likelihood of divorce

Are apologies helpful in forgiveness? p. 336

Yes, victims are more likely to forgive those who betray them when the offenders acknowledge their wrongs, accept responsibility for their actions, offer genuine atonement by expressing shame, regret, remorse for their misbehavior and promise better conduct in the future

In forced choice questions, women report they would react more to the threat of emotional infidelity and men report they would react more to the threat of sexual infidelity. p. 321

emotional infidelity, sexual infidelity

What are "integrative agreement" and "structural improvement?" p. 359

integrative agreements satisfy both partner's original goals and aspirations, usually through creativity and flexibility structural improvements is when the partners not only get what they want but also learn and grow and make desirable changes to their relationship it isn't frequent but when it occurs it may result from significant turmoil and upheaval

In Rusbult's typology of responses to dissatisfaction in close relationships the most constructive and active response is voice and loyalty whereas the most destructive and passive response is neglect 355

voice and loyalty, neglect

According to the Deception video, by what age have we learned to lie?

4