fAHMY 3030 === > LEWIS CAROL 2
No, not in all the History of England—it couldn't, you know, because there never was more than one Queen at a time.
Do wake up, you heavy things!
Do you know, I've had such a quantity of poetry repeated to me to-day,Alice began, a little frightened at finding that, the moment she opened her lips, there was dead silence, and all eyes were fixed upon her; and it's a very curious thing, I think—
Do you know why they're so fond of fishes, all about here?
I think that's the answer.
Wrong, as usual,said the Red Queen: the dog's temper would remain.
At last the Red Queen began.
You've missed the soup and fish,she said.
but she did not say this aloud, for fear of hurting the poor Queen's feelings.
Your Majesty must excuse her,the Red Queen said to Alice, taking one of the White Queen's hands in her own, and gently stroking it: she means well, but she ca'n't help saying foolish things as a general rule.
You mustn't leave out so many things.
Fan her head!
The leg of mutton got up in the dish and made a little bow to Alice!
and Alice returned the bow, not knowing whether to be frightened or amused.
There ought to be one marked 'Queen,' you know Just then the door opened a little way, and a creature with a long beak put its head out for a moment and said No admittance till the week after next!
and shut the door again with a bang.
Bring back the pudding!
and there it QUEEN ALICE 263 was again in a moment, like a conjuring-trick.
But they should be five times as cold^ by the same rule Just so!
cried the Red Queen.
Alice ventured to ask.
Five times as warm, of course.
Humpty Dumpty saw it too,the White Queen went on in a low voice, more as if she were talking to herself.
He came to the door with a corkscrew in his hand 256 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS What did he want?
said the Red Queen.
He said he would come in,the White Queen went on, because he was looking for a hippopotamus.
Shall she repeat it?
Her Red Majesty's very kind to mention it,the White Queen murmured into Alice's other ear, in a voice like the cooing of a pigeon.
You'll come to it in time.
Here the Red Queen began again.
Which door?
said the Frog.
Then you think nothing would remain?
said the Red Queen.
Well, it isn't pic\ed at all,Alice explained: it's ground How many acres of ground?
said the White Queen.
Where's the servant whose business it is to answer the door?
she began angrily.
If you'll tell me what language 'fiddle-de-dee' is, I'll tell you the French for it!
she exclaimed triumphantly.
The cause of lightning,Alice said very decidedly, for she felt quite certain about this, is the thunder—no, no!
she hastily corrected herself.
262 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS 'May I give you a slice?
she said, taking up the knife and fork, and looking from one Queen to the other.
Can you answer useful questions?
she said.
It's exactly like a riddle with no answer!
she thought.
Isn't that grand?
However, don't be discouraged.
and the waiters took it away so quickly that Alice couldn't return its bow.
However, she didn't see why the Red Queen should be the only one to give orders; so, as an experiment, she called out Waiter!
A little kindness—and putting her hair in papers — would do wonders with her QUEEN ALICE 257 The White Queen gave a deep sigh, and laid her head on AUce's shoulder.
I am so sleepy!
He was so hoarse that AUce could scarcely hear him.
I don't know what you mean,she said.
exclaimed Alice, looking about in great perplexity, as first one round head, and then the other, rolled down from her shoulder, and lay like a heavy lump in her lap.
I don't think it ever happened before, that any one had to take care of two Queens asleep at once!
How is bread made?
I know thatV Alice cried eagerly.
said the Pudding.
I wonder how you'd like it, if I were to cut a slice out of you^ you creature!
And sprin\le the table with buttons and bran: Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea— And welcome Queen Alice with thirty-times-threeV* Then followed a confused noise of cheering, and Alice thought to herself Thirty times three makes ninety.
I wonder if any one's counting?
Oh, that'll never be done!
I'd better go in at once and in she went, and there was a dead silence the moment she appeared.
She was standing before an arched doorway, over which were the words QUEEN ALICEin large letters, and on each side of the arch there was a bell-handle ; one was marked Visitors' Bell,and the other Servants' Bell.
I'll wait till the song's over,thought Alice, and then rU ring the—the — which bell must I ring?
Alice glanced nervously along the table, as she walked up the large hall, and noticed that there were about fifty guests, of all kinds: some were animals, some birds, and there were even a few flowers among them.
I'm glad they've come without waiting to be asked,she thought: I should never have known who were the right people to invite!
she went on, very much puzzled by the names.
I'm not a visitor, and I'm not a servant.
I speaks English, doesn't I?
the Frog went on.
Then if the dog went away, its temper would remain!
the Queen exclaimed triumphantly.
But I don't see how Why, look here!
the Red Queen cried.
You take some flour Where do you pick the flower?
the White Queen asked: In a garden or in the hedges?
I haven't got a nightcap with me/' said Alice, as she > .
tried to obey the first direction: and I don't know any soothing lullabies.
Now, as it happened, there wasn't such a thing in the house, that morning.
Is there generally?
I know what he came for,said Alice: he wanted to punish the fish, because Here the White Queen began again.
It was such a thunderstorm, you ca'n't think!
I meant the other way.
It's too late to correct it,said the Red Queen: when you've once said a thing, that fixes it, and you must take the consequences.
It spoke in a thick, suety sort of voice, and Alice hadn't a word to say in reply: she could only sit and look at it and gasp.
Make a remark,said the Red Queen: it's ridiculous to leave all the conversation to the pudding!
I won't be introduced to the pudding, please,Alice said rather hastily, or we shall get no dinner at all.
May I give you some?
It would be such a treat!
May I?
I can do Addition,she said, if you give me time—but I ca'n't do Subtraction under any circumstances!
Of course you know your ABC?
The dog would lose its temper, wouldn't it?
Perhaps it would,Alice replied cautiously.
But the Red Queen drew herself up rather stiffly, and said Queens never make bargains.
QUEEN ALICE 255 I wish Queens never asked questions,Alice thought to herself.
the Frog said in a deep hoarse whisper.
QUEEN ALICE 259 Alice turned round, ready to find fault with anybody.
Certainly not,the Red Queen said very, decidedly: *'it isn't etiquette to cut any one you've been introduced to.
Remove the joint!
But the Red Queen looked sulky, and growled Pudding Alice: Alice Pudding.
Remove the pudding!
The White Queen looked timidly at Alice, who felt she ought to say something kind, but really couldn't think of anything at the moment.
She never was really well brought up,the Red Queen went on: but it's amazing how good-tempered she is!
the Red Queen anxiously interrupted.
She'll be feverish after so much thinking.
So they set to work and fanned her with bunches of leaves, till she had to beg them to leave off, it blew her hair about so.
She's all right again now,said the Red Queen.
she moaned.
She's tired, poor thing!
I've been knocking at it!
Shouldn't do that—shouldn't do that the Frog muttered.
said the Red Queen.
Smooth her hair—lend her your nightcap—and sing her a soothing lullaby.
Then she began: it t'First, the fish must be caught!
That is easy: a baby, I thin\, could have caught it.
In our country,^' she remarked, there's only one day at a time.
The Red Queen said That's a poor thin way of doing things.
Please do,Alice said very politely.
The White Queen laughed with delight, and stroked Alice's cheek.
Alice considered.
The bone wouldn't remain, of course, if I took it—and the dog wouldn't remain: it would come to bite me—and I'm sure / shouldn't remam!
she went on in an impatient tone; but there was no answer but a gentle snoring.
The snoring got more distinct every minute, and sounded more like a tune: at last she could even make out words, and she listened so eagerly that, when the two great heads suddenly vanished from her lap, she hardly missed them.
Wexes it, you know.
Then he went up and gave the door a kick with one of his great feet.
I must do it myself, then,said the Red Queen, and she began: — ttHush-a-by lady, in Alice's lap!
Till the feast's ready, we've time for a nap.
The Frog looked at the door with his large dull eyes for a minute : then he went nearer and rubbed it with his thumb, as if he were trying whether the paint would come off: then he looked at Alice.
To answer the door?
said the Red Queen.
To be sure I do,said AUce.
Alice asked in an astonished tone.
Well, only on Thursdays,said the Queen.
Or are you deaf?
What did it ask you?
It was so large that she couldn't help feeling a little shy with it, as she had been with the mutton; however, she conquered her shyness by a great effort, and cut a slice and handed it to the Red Queen.
What impertinence!
Alice knocked and rang in vain for a long time; but at last a very old Frog, who was sitting under a tree, got up and hobbled slowly towards her : he was dressed in bright yellow, and had enormous boots on.
What is it, now?
Don't let us quarrel,the White Queen said in an anxious tone.
What is the cause of lightning?
he said.
What's it been asking 26o THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS of?
Do you know Languages?
What's the French for fiddle-dedee?
Alice almost stamped with irritation at the slow drawl in which he spoke.
''This door, of course!
In a minute there was silence again, and the same shrill voice sang another verse : — a t O Loo\ing-Glass creatures' quoth Alice, draw near!
'Tis an honour to see me, a favour to hear: QUEEN ALICE 261 'Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea Along with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and meV 'The came the chorus again: — ''Then fill up the glasses with treacle and in\.
And the waiters carried it off, and brought a large plum-pudding in its place.
(C!
(She never could, you know,said the Red Queen.
) And part of the roof came oflF, and ever so much thunder got in—and it went rolling round the room in great lumps—and knocking over the tables and things—till I was so frightened, I couldn't remember my own name!
Alice said, turning suddenly on the White Queen, for she didn't like being found fault with so much.
254 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS The Queen gasped and shut her eyes.
In another moment both Queens were fast asleep, and snoring loud.
258 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS What am I to do?
Or anything else that is pleasant to drinf{: Mix sand with the cider, and wool with the wine— And welcome Queen Alice with ninety-times-nineV Ninety times nine!
AUce repeated in despair.
You look a little shy : let me introduce you to that leg of mutton,said the Red Queen.
Alice Mutton : Mutton Alice.
Nothing!
Alice said impatiently.
There were three chairs at the head of the table: the Red and White Queens had already taken two of them, but the middle one was empty.
Alice sat down in it, rather uncomfortable at the silence, and longing for some one to speak.
Five times as warm, and five times as cold—just as I'm five times as rich as you are, and five times as clever!
Alice sighed and gave it up.
said the Red Queen.
Alice thought she saw a way out of the difficulty, this time.
Which reminds me the White Queen said, looking down and nervously clasping and unclasping her hands, we had such a thunderstorm last Tuesday— I mean one of the last set of Tuesdays, you know.
Alice was puzzled.
So do I,the White Queen whispered: we'll often say it over together, dear.
And I'll tell you a secret—I can read words of one letter!
Let the LooJ{ing-Glass creatures, whatever they be Come and dine with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me!
And hundreds of voices joined in the chorus: — Then fill up the glasses as quic\ as you can.
When the feast's over, we'll go to the ball— Red Queen, and White Queen, and Alice, and all!
And now you know the words,she added, as she put her head down on Alice's other shoulder, just sing it through to me, I'm getting sleepy, too.
Put on the joint!
And the waiters set a leg of mutton before Alice, who looked at it rather anxiously, as she had never had to carve a joint before.
Now here^ we mostly have days and nights two or three at a time, and sometimes in the winter we take as many as five nights together—for warmth, you know.
Are five nights warmer than one night, then?
She spoke to the Red Queen, whose answer was a little wide of the mark.
As to fishes,she said, very slowly and solemnly, putting her mouth close to Alice's ear, her White Majesty knows a lovely riddle—all in poetry—all about fishes.
You let it alone,he panted out, as he hobbled back to his tree, and it'll let you alone, you know.
At this moment the door was flung open, and a shrill voice was heard singing: — To the Loo\ing'Glass world it was Alice that said Tve a sceptre in hand I've a crown on my head.
Alice thought to herself I never should try to remember my name in the middle of an accident!
Where would be the use of it?
Fiddle-de-dee's not English,Alice replied gravely.
Who ever said it was?
Aliee said, as gravely as she could, They might go different ways.
But she couldn't help thinking to herself What dreadful nonsense we are talking!
Pat her on the head, and see how pleased she'll be!
But this was more than Alice had courage to do.
She ca'n't do sums a bitV the Queens said together, with great emphasis.
Can you do sums?