Interplay ALL

Collaboration (win-win)

seeks win-win solutions to conflict, involving a high degree of concern for both self and others, with the goal of solving problems not "my way" or "your way" but "our way"

Conflict ritual

unacknowledged but very real repeating patterns of interlocking behavior

Passive Aggression

when a communicator expresses dissatisfaction in a disguised manner

Passive aggression (competition)

when a communicator expresses dissatisfaction in a disguised manner

Escalatory spiral

when both partners treat one another with matching hostility, where one threat and insult leads to another

Compromise (negotiated lose-lose)

when both people get at least some of what they want, althgouh both sacrifice part of their goals

questioning

when listener asks the speaker for additional information.

Dysfunctional conflict

when outcomes fall short of what is possible and have a damaging effect on the relationship

De-escalatory spiral

when partners both withdraw from one another instead of facing their problems, resulting with the satisfaction and vitality ebbing from the relationship

perceived scare resources (conflict def)

when people believe there isn't enough of something to go around ex. time, affection, space, money

Avoidance (lose-lose)

when people nonassertively ignore or stay away from conflict

Accommodation (lose-win)

when we allow others to have their own way rather than asserting our own point of view

Win-win problem solving

where the goal is to find a solution that satisfies the needs of everyone involved

Forms of Power

-Reward Power -Coercive Power -Referent Power -Legitimate Power -Expert Power

Direct Aggression

-character attacks -competence attacks -physical appearance attacks -maledictions -teasing -ridicule -threats -swearing -nonverbal emblems

Accommodation (lose-win)

A lose-win conflict style in which one person defers to the other. (When we allow others to have their own way rather than asserting our own point of view)

Escalatory spiral

A reciprocal communication pattern in which one person's attack leads to a counterattack by the other, with the level of hostility steadily increasing. (When both partners treat one another with matching hostility, where one threat and insult leads to another)

De-escalatory spiral

A reciprocal communication pattern in which one person's nonthreatening behavior leads to reduced hostility by the other, with the level of hostility steadily decreasing. (When partners both withdraw from one another instead of facing their problems, resulting with the satisfaction and vitality ebbing from the relationship)

Competition (win-lose)

A win-lose conflict style in which one person wins at the other person's expense. (That involves high concern for self and low concern for others)

Collaboration (win-win)

A win-win conflict styyle in which both people get what they want. (Involving a high degree of concern for both self and others, with the goal of solving problems not "my way" or "your way" but "our way")

mindful listening

careful and thoughtful attention and responses to others' messages

Conflict

-Expressed Struggles -Perceived incompatible goals -perceived scarce resources -interdependence -inevitability

Avoidance (lose-lose)

A lose-lose conflict style in which people nonassertively ignore or stay away from conflict.

mindless listening

reacting to others' messages automatically and routinely without much mental involvement.

Avoiding

(Lose-Lose) When people ignore or stay away from conflict -can be physical or conversational

Accommodation

(Lose-win) when we allow others to have their own way rather than asserting our point of view

Compromising

(negotiated lose-lose) gives both people at least some of what they both want

Competing

(win-lose) high concern for self and low concern for others -resolve conflict "my way"

Collaborating

(win-win) high degree of concern for both self and others with goal of "our way"

conflict styles

-Avoidance -Accommodation -Competition -Compromise -Collaboration

Strategies for managing conflict successfully

-Define needs -Share needs with the other -listen to the other person's needs -generate possible solutions - evaluate possible situations -implement solution -follow up the solution

4 horsemen

1. contempt-belittle/demean others 2. criticism-attacks person's character 3. defensiveness-proteting self by denying 4.stonewalling-person withdraws

Compromise (negotiated lose-lose)

A conflict style in which both people get only part of what they want because they sacrifice some of their goals.

Coercive Power

Ability to influence by using ability to punish

Expert Power

Ability to influence using a person's expertise

Referent Power

Ability to influence using group power

Win-win problem solving

An approach to conflict resolution in which people work together to satisfy all their goals.

Direct aggression (competition)

An expression of the sender's thoughts and/or feelings that attacks the position and dignity of the receiver. (Character attacks, competence attacks, physical appearance attacks, maledictions (wishing the other bad fortune), teasing, ridicule, threats, swearing, and nonverbal emblems (fist shaking, waving arms, etc.) )

Passive aggression (competition)

An indirect expression of aggression, delivered in a way that allows the sender to maintain a facade of kindness. (When a communicator expresses dissatisfaction in a disguised manner)

Relational Conflict Style

Complementary- partners use different but mutually reinforcing behaviors Symmetrical- both people use same tactics

Symmetrical conflict style

Partners in a conflict use the same tactics.

Legitimate Power

Power given to position

Conflict ritual

Unacknowledged but very real repeating patterns of interlocking conflict behaviors.

Complementary conflict style

When partners in a conflict use different but mutually reinforcing behaviors.

filling in the gaps

a listening habit- adding details never mentioned by a speaker to complete a message

Symmetrical conflict style

a relationship in which both people use the same tactics

Complementary conflict style

a relationship in which the partners use different but mutally reinforcing behaviors

Parallel conflict style

a relationship in which the people in it shift between complementary and symmetrical patterns from one issue to another

Competition (win-lose)

a win-lose approach to conflict that involves high concern for self and low concern for others

Reward Power

ability to influence or control other based off of an offered reward

Power

ability to influence or control other people or events

Conflict

an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals

Conflict

an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other person in achieving their goals.

Perceived incompatible goals (conflict def)

as long as they perceived their goal to be mutually exclusive, the conflict is real

insulated listening

avoid listening (topic arises they dont want to deal with)

Direct aggression (competition)

character attacks, competence attacks, physical appearance attacks, maledictions (wishing the other bad fortune), teasing, ridicule, threats, swearing, and nonverbal emblems (fist shaking, waving arms, etc.)

expressed struggle (Conflict def)

conflict does not exist until all people involved know that some disagreement exists

Inevitability

conflicts are impossible to avoid; the challenge is to handle them effectively when they occur.

polarization

dysfunctional conflict regard each other as polar opposites

opposition

dysfunctional conflict see each other as opponents.

escalation

dysfunctional conflicts the problems grow larger instead of smaller

Positive results

finding a solution that works

Integration

functional conflict recognize that they are integrated or in a difficult situation together

De-escalation

functional conflicts the participants solve more problems than they create

responding

giving observable feedback to the speaker

psuedolistening

imitation of the real thing

stage hogging

interest of expressing only our own idea-dont care what anyone else has to say.

with selective listening

responding only to the parts of a conversation that interest the person- rejecting everything else.

negative results

neither participant receiving what they want, and threatens the future of the relationship

Confirmation

participants disagree but are not disagreeable.

drifting

participants drift away from the original problem and bring in other issues

coercion

participants use it to get what they want instead of finding ways to reach an agreement.

interdependence (conflict def)

people fail to understand their interdependence of one another.

understanding

process of listening: reciever attaches meaning to a message.

listening

process of making sense of others spoken messages.

counterfeit questions

questioning with the attempt to send a message not recieve one( questions that: trap the speaker, make statements, carry hidden agendas, seek correct answers, based on unchecked assumptions)

closed questions

questions that allow only a limited range of answers.

silent listening

staying attentive and nonverbal response without offering any verbal feedback.

defensive listening

taking innocent comments as personal attacks.

Functional conflict

the best possible outcome in a conflict

listening fidelity

the degree of what a listener understands and what the messager is communicating.