Mean Girls Lines (Damien)
Janis: NO, IT'S FINE, REALLY FINE, GO BE FINE!
And I want my pink shirt.
Janis: Hi, I'm Janis.
And, je m'appelle Sasha Fierce.
*REGINA REGINA REGINA*
Damian: Ho, ho, ho! Candy cane gram for Shane Oman! Ensemble: SHE HAS EVERYTHING! Damian: And one for Caddy Heron! Ensemble: SHE GETS EVERYTHING Damian: And four for Glen Coco, you go Glen Coco! Ensemble: GLEN COCO, GLEN COCO, GLEN coco! Damian: And none for Gretchen Weiners, bye.
Cady: What did Janis say?
Damian: What could she say? It wasn't a real question, it was just like, an attempt to snatch her dignity. And she didn't know why her friend was doing this to her, so she just yelled--
Janis: Aw, oh of course she did, Caddy, she's a life ruiner.
Damian: What happened was Regina came up to Janis before school where no adults could see her and was like-- Damian [imitating Regina]: Janis, I can't invite you to my pool party because I think you're a lesbian. Damian: She just kept asking her. [As Regina]: I mean, are you a lesbian? What are you?
You're not supposed to be in here!
Danny Devito, I love your work! Okay, okay Caddy, I once read on a tote bag that everything fits somewhere. So, keep an open mind and a closed mouth, and let's get out there and pick your new life.
Cady: Woah, who is at that table over there?
Don't look at them, just don't!
*Beginning of Play*
Good morning and welcome to high school
Cady: Uh, it's a Kalteen bar. My mom used to give them to the kids in africa to help them gain weight.
I can feel it working.
*CADY ENTERS IN COSTUME*
Ah! Oh my gosh!
Janis: I am a space alien, and I have four butts!
It was a bad choice, but she was twelve. After that no one would talk to her, and it got really bad, and her parents pulled her out of school for the rest of the year.
Janis: Regina George is not cool. She is a scum- sucking, fart-mouth, life ruiner.
Janis hates Regina because when we were m 8th grade, there was this---
Janis: You are full of lies.
Janis, I cannot stop this jazzy. You know I have a curfew.
Cady: They want me to have lunch with them all week. I already said I'd sit with you guys. Oh, maybe we can all have lunch together! Janis: No.
Not really an option.
Janis: And that's how Regina George died.
Once again, no one died
*END OF CAUTIONARY TALE*
Our story begins across the globe in Africa! Africa!
Emotional Girl: I just wish that we could all get along like we used to in elementary school. I wish that I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles and everyone could just--
She doesn't even go here!
Cady: ...she's like the apex predator.
The what?
Janis: That's original. "Damian Hubbard is too gay to function." It's only okay when I say it!
Wait, only Cady could have written that.
Janis: We're here to welcome you, and we're also here to tell you about something serious.
We are going to tell you the story of our friend Cady. How she moved here from Kenya and how her dodgy decisions caused another girl to get hit by a bus. Actions and consequences!
Hi, I'm Cady.
Well Cady, as junior co-chair of the student activities committee and his art freak, we volunteered to be your starter companions until you find your place at North Shore.
Janis: Those bitches!
What is this? Can I eat it?
Cady: Janis, I can't spend every second with you. It's not my fault that you're like in love with me or something.
What?! Oh no, she didn't.
Janis: Yeah, I'm gonna call you Caddy.
When did you move here?
Janis: Okay, we have to take away Regina's only accomplishment; being a hot person.
Yeah, but how?
Cady: Sounds like fun! Oh, do you have a pink shirt I can borrow? Janis: No.
Yes, what shade?
*BEGINNING OF BATHROOM SCENE*
You've been in there a very long time. You're either doing drugs or you're very constipated from using drugs.