Quiz 2 - COMM 411

what are Identity, or Face-Saving Goals?

"Who am I in this particular interaction?" or "How may my self-identity be saved in this particular conflict?"; Include specific desires to maintain not only one's self-esteem but also one's sense of self-identity.

Identity Goals example

"You say I ignored you and would not speak to you. I find it very hard to believe that could be true. I never remember ignoring you."

what are PROCESS goals?

"what communication process would work best?" many times people would disagree over the merits of consensus versus voting

what are RELATIONAL GOALS?

"who are we in relationship to each other?"; define how a party wants to be treated by the other and the amount of interdependence they desire (how they define themselves as a unit); hard to talk about openly

Stats on bullying

- About 30% of youth in middle school report involvement in bullying as a bully or victim - some researchers estimate that many more youth, up to 40-80%, experience bullying, but many do not report what happens - According to the Bully Project 1 in 3 schoolchildren between grades 6 and 10 are affected by bullying, 6 of 10 teens say they witness bullying once a day

How can you increase flexibility and problem solving?

- Help others increase their sense of self-esteem - Avoid giving directives -Listen carefully to others and take their concerns into account - Ask questions so the other person. can examine his or her goals

Why cyberbully?

- Sanctioning: pressure to change a behavior - Power struggle/assertion (Threats) - Trolling - to hurt, humiliate, provoke, annoy, to get a response from the victim

A starting list of excellent communication skills:

- speak to the other with a positive tone - listen, pay close attention, ask open-ended questions - reflect feelings -clarify what you have heard - question when needed -summarize what you have both/all talked about so far

Stay actively engaged

- speak up and present a balanced picture of strengths as well as weaknesses - make clear what one's beliefs, values, and priorities are, and then keep one's behavior congruent with these - stay emotionally connected to significant others even when things get intense - state differences, and allow others to do the same

Denying power use (4 ways)

1. Deny that you communicated something 2. Deny that something was communicated 3. Deny that you communicated something to the other person 4. Deny that the situation even existed, for example, "That did not happen. You remember it completely wrong."

Collaborative goals checklist:

1. Short-,medium-, and long-range issues are addressed. 2. Goals are behaviorally specific. 3. Statements orient toward the present and future. 4. Goals recognize interdependence. 5. Collaborative goals recognize an ongoing process.

Advantages of clarifying your goals:

1. Solutions go unrecognized if you do not know what you want 2. Only clear goals can be shared. 3. Clear goals can be altered more easily than vague goals 4. Clear goals are reached more often than unclear goals

Your dependence on another person is a function of:

1: the importance of the goals the other can influence 2: the availability of other avenues for you to accomplish what you want

Goal Clarity

A careful specification of everyone's goals lets you decide which ones to abandon, which ones to trade, and which ones to maintain.

Transactive Goals

A goal discovered during the conflict itself. Respectful conversation, or genuine dialogue, creates the space for change to emerge as conversation continues. Each step along the way influences what will happen next, as interdependent relationships develop. "I don't know what I want until we get a chance to discuss it."

Passive-aggressive

A low-power tactic that affects the whole system. Lower-power parties will sometimes destroy a relationship as the ultimate move to bring about a balance of power. A cyclical, degenerative, destructive conflict spiral characterizes the ongoing interactions.

Refuse to step back from a position

A person who no longer feels comfortable with an earlier position may choose to stay with it, even in light of new information, because looking foolish or inconsistent results in losing face. Topic and larger relational goals are set aside to avoid looking weak, ill informed, or incompetent.

Interpersonal Linkages

A set of currencies dependent on interpersonal contacts and a network of friends and supporters. People often obtain power based on whom they know and with whom they associate. Help one attain power through coalition formation. A source of power when people check out their network for what classes to take, where jobs might be available, where rentals might be found, and other kinds of information.

5. Collaborative goals recognize an ongoing process.

An overriding goal of constructive conflict is to remain committed to the process of constructive conflict.

Feature 3: Identity and relational issues are the "drivers" of disputes; they underlie topic and process issues

As you listen to people describe conflicts, you begin to notice a pattern-- identity and relational issues carry the most energy. The face-saving and identity issues anchor all disputes.

2. Goals are behaviorally specific.

Behaviorally specific goals can be checked. Specificity helps the parties know when a goal has been accomplished.

Ask questions so the other person can examine his or her goals

By asking questions instead of attacking, you give the other person a chance to change in the interaction instead of entrenching or digging in

Feature 5: Conflict parties often specialize in one kind of goal

Conflict parties in ongoing struggles often highlight one type of gaol and limit themselves to it. Specialization in either topic or relational goals often reflects the parties' relative power.

The overlapping nature of TRIP Goals: Feature 1: Not all types of goals emerge in all disputes

Disputes may emerge without process issues. Many conflicts have no content issues.

Distressed system

Dissatisfied couples are more than 3 times as likely to escalate episodes and focus on power than satisfied couples; inverted pyramid TOP: power MIDDLE: rights BOTTOM: interests

Retrospective Goals

Emerge AFTER the conflict is over. Since we do not know the implications of a conflict until we look. back on it, retrospective goals give us clarity.

Listen carefully to others and take their concerns into account

Even when you don't have to listen because you have the power to to make a decision independently, listening and taking care of others' concerns as best you can helps them feel included, approved of, and respected

Common passive-aggressive behaviors

Forgetting appointments, slipping and saying unkind things then apologizing, scheduling two things at once EX. accepting invites to multiple parties to have options

Restraint

Higher-power parties can limit their power by refusing to use all the currencies they have at their disposal.

Relational Goals example

How you want to be treated by the other: "What I need here is some respect.", "I want to be included on projects that affect me." What kind of unit are we?: "Are you committed to this team or not?", "Now that we are divorced, we are only parents to the kids and that will continue indefinitely."

Feature 2: Interests and goals overlap with one another and differ in primacy

In a different situation, a process or procedural goal might be utmost in one party's mind.

Avoid giving directives

It's better to avoid direct threats and to use persuasion and face-saving communication instead.

Relational and identity concerns will almost always overlap-- who you are with others is related to how the relationship is conducted.

Many people see identity and relational goals as "intangible" because they are difficult to specify, yet even though they may be difficult to put in specific terms, they nevertheless are the key drivers in all conflicts.

Empowerment

Occurs when third parties are invested with the power to intervene on behalf of the less powerful persons

High power

Often a goal people strive for; the major difficulty with maintaining higher power than someone else if that it may corrupt you; Higher-power persons, organizations, or nations may develop altered views of themselves and other parties

Resource Control

Often results from attaining a formal or informal position that brings valued resources to you. The head of a company, regardless of personal qualities, will always have resources that go along with the job

Estimate the Other's Goals

Once a destructive conflict begins spiraling, all our behavior is reactive. Our estimate of the other's goals--about "what the other wants"-- propels our own choices.

Enlightened Conversation

One of the most important ways of establishing equality. Face-to-face conversation remains the starting point to constructive conflict. The best first step if to talk directly with the people involved.

Bullying

Ongoing, persistent badgering, harassment and psychological terrorizing... that demoralizes, dehumanizes and isolates those targeted

Feature 4: In a serious dispute, topic-only solutions are rarely satisfying to conflict parties.

Only topic issues have been addressed, and the relational and identity needs feel respected, to be listened to, and to be told that you are a reasonable person have not been addressed.

PAB = DBA PBA = DAB

PAB = DBA: the power of A over B is equal to the dependence that B has on A PBA = DAB: the power of B over A is equal to the dependence that A has on B

Suppress Conflict issues

People also try to save face by refusing to admit that a conflict exists, since to acknowledge the conflict might mean that events are out of control, which might make people uncomfortable and incompetent

A Relational Theory of Power

Power is the property of the social relationship rather than a quality of the individual. Power is a product of the communication relationship. Power is given from one part to another in a conflict. Power dynamics are fluid, changing, and dependent on the specific relationship in the context.

4. Goals recognize interdependence.

Research consistently indicates, that when conflict parties operate with both concern for self and concern for others, the agreements that emerge serve the parties best.

RICE

Resource control Interpersonal linkages Communication skills Expertise

Feature 6: Goals may emerge in a different form.

Sensitivity to the different types of goals allows you to recognize when one type of goal is being acted out in terms of another. Any one of the four can come to the surface in a different form and with different intensity. Topic goals emerge as relational, identity, or procedural goals. Relational goals can emerge as topic, identity, or procedural goals, and so on.Many times conflict parties are simply unable to identify their relational goals.

Power Denial

Some people dislike any discussion of power. They may deny that power and influence are appropriate topics for discussion. Reluctance to talk about power emerges as power denial. Denying that a message was communicated is another way to ignore the existence of power.

Expertise

Special skills or knowledge someone else values. Many conflicts go awry because one person believes their own expertise. People try to persuade others that they are valuable, that they need to be connected, and that the other's needs can be met best in a constructive relationship with the other person doing the persuading.

Power

The ability to produce intended effects, and in particular, the ability to influence the behavior of another person, and to resist the influence attempts of others.

Collaborative goals

The best goals are clear and help conflict participants collaborate on resolving the conflict while protecting their ability to work, live, or interact with each other in important ways.

3. Statements orient toward the present and future.

The language of change uses what can be done now instead of what should have been done in the past. Hopeful statements instead of blaming statements set the expectation that agreements can indeed come about.

1. Short-, medium-, long-range issues are addressed

To form collaborative goals, plan for evaluations along the way. Looking at longer-range goals help de-escalate the importance of initial, prospective goals.

Claim unjust intimidation

Topic goals take second place to this specific kind of relational goal-- to stand up to another's attempt to take over. People accuse others of taking advantage, declare their resistance to unjust treatment, and often seek support from outside parties when they are being treated unjustly.

Help others increase their sense of self-esteem

Treat others with goodwill, giving them the benefit of the double even when they have bene belligerent or unproductive.

Identity Trap

When our identity issues disable us from seeing constructive paths of problem solving

Goal interpreted

Wick: organizational behavior; people act in an orderly fashion, coordinating their behavior with each other, but with little notion of how this accomplished until after the fact. Then they engage in retrospective accounts, your prospective goals for the next episode are formulated. Thus, we learn from experience.

Prospective Goals

Work as a beginning plan, not a hardened set of "must have" goals. Goals you have before you enter an interaction.

Cyberbullying

affects youth and young adults worldwide; any repeated or hostile or aggressive behavior performed electronic or digital media intended to inflict harm or discomfort, where the victim feels powerless to stop the interaction

Metacommunication

being verbally explicit about the communication; explicit comment about the communication activate different currencies and will alter the power balance

Settings

can influence power in a striking way. this form of power literally sets the stage upon which power is determined within the group

Competitive power can be useful IF...

crucial needs of one party are at stake--needs the person is willing to compromise about unless no other option exists EX. basic human rights, personal survival, avoidance of harm; competition can lead to collaboration-- when the playing field becomes more level

Normative power

depends on membership in certain groups that people value

Effective System

emphasis is on interests with rights and power playing smaller but still important roles; its an even pyramid

Process goals examples

giving each one equal talk time, talking informally before deciding, not allowing the children to speak

Power currencies

how much your particular resources are valued by the other persons in a relationship context. power depends on the ability to employ currencies that other people need. conflict is often confusing because people try to spend a currency that is not valued in a particular relationship

Communication Skills

include the ability to form bonds with others through love, sex, caring, nurturing, understanding, empathic listening, warmth, attention, and other characteristics of intimate relationships.

Low Power

just as power can corrupt, powerlessness can also corrupt; too much losing does not build character, it builds aggression, or apathy; in severe, repetitive conflicts; both parties feel low power, and they continually make moves to increase their power at the other's expense

Interdependence

lower-power individuals can highlight the parties' dependencies as a way to balance power. Higher-power individuals usually try to minimize interdependence, there lower-power individuals need to point out how the conflict parties are more related than it might appear

Calm persistence

lower-power people in a conflict can often gain more equal power by persisting in their requests. lower-power parties cannot afford to blow up

Either/or power

more masculine; EX. either you work or you are a mom, being a mom isn't "work"

designated power

position power; can be easily seen; the president, police officers, managers at work, and professors all have certain designations of power in a particular role

Both/and power

power is shared, remains the model of choice for many women in Western culture. Shared dependency creates a more vital relationship than unequal dependency

Topic goal example

securing a student loan, what music to listen to, job assignments, how much time to spend together

trust

some forms of power depend on trust; one of the first qualities to suffer when lying is suspected, or when people refuse to give others, respect and kind treatment

what are TOPIC GOALS?

they ask what do we want? emerge as different ideas about what to do, what decisions to make, where to, how to allocate resources, or other externally objectifiable issues.

Collaboration and the constructive realignment of power

usually best for all concerned IF the high-power person is not abusing power in. away that takes away all possibility of influence by the lower-power person/persons; one person is not lying, distorting, or suffering from a disorder of character, such as sociopathy; the long-term gains are worth the expenditure of energy