Business Speak

what are the three levels of difficult?

1. how are they different from you? - detailed/fewer risks/faster - more emotional/dirty/controlling 2. just incompetent - not disciplined low on communication skills 3. toxic - actively bad

what are the 3 levels of listening

1. self oriented: about yourself thoughts 2. heard what is said 3. heard whats is said and not said

what is this ratio? 70:20:10

70 learn form experience 20 dev relationships mentorships 10 training

How to get Informal authority?

A need to know from expertise && credibility Subject Matter Expert People will follow Ability to give feedback You don't need to be good at something to be a great coach If you give great feedback, people will seek more of it Feedback == Clear, Actionable, Constructive If you learn to coach those around you, you'll be seen as a natural leader Time == experienced

Accountability milestones Deadlines

Accountability milestones Deadlines Failure is part of the process Don't belittle their steps

What Should you do during the meeting? Listen then Engage?

Ask action oriented questions: Who will be responsible for this? What effect will this have on our customers? Business impact? Whats a reasonable timeline?

What should you do nearing the end of the meeting? For wrap up conclusion

Comprehensive Summary, Key Take Aways && Actionable Collaborative Quality Summarize the meeting with action steps forward End the meeting positively

What are the 3 Conversations?

Conversations: Vision, Reflection

[ Coaching ] Deciders Questions

Deciders - whats the easiest step - what action could you take - biggest leap? - 1 action that triggers all the rest?

How to tell stories What 10 naratives should you remember and tell properly? unique narrative on a personal level look for stories that dont change very often

Direction setting for company 1. [ founding story ] where we came from 2. [ case for change story ] why we cant stay there 3. [vision story ] where we're going 4. [ strategy story ] how we're going to get there Who we are as a company 5.[ corporate values ] what we believe 6. [ who we serve ] a customer story 7. [sales story]what we do for customers 8. [ marketing story ] how we are different from our competitors personal 9. [ personal leadership philosophy story ] why i lead the way i do [ recruiting story ] why you should want to work here personal how we are different

distinguish fact vs fiction how are you behaving what stories are justifying your behavior " ( you | i ) ( always | never ) .... " find these feelings find wiggle room for empathy

Distinguishing fact from fiction - In a conflict there are two things operating, one is what actually happened and two is how people interpret what happened. Said another way, it's facts versus fiction. And distinguishing between the two is the second set on the resolution roadmap, our framework for solving everyday problems. Now let's take a look at a conflict between Mark and Lilly. First the facts, Mark stays up all night finishing a draft of a proposal and gives it to Lilly, his boss. A few hours later Lilly hands the proposal back to Mark with red pen edits on every section and every page. Those are the facts, that's what happened. Now for the fiction. Mark starts seething about Lilly's critique and blurts out, you never appreciate any of the work I do. If you did, you wouldn't be so hypercritical. This is the name, blame, claim cycle in action. Something happens, your feelings get the best of you, you tell a story about why it happened, and you react by saying something that places blame on the other person, and you're now in the middle of a full-blown argument. What gets us into trouble when something happens that upsets us is not the facts, but the story we tell ourselves about those facts. It wasn't the red pen edits, it was Mark's interpretation of what the red pen edits meant. To make things worse, when something happens we say things like, she made me so angry. The truth is nobody can make you feel what you feel, you make you feel what you feel. Take that in. That isn't to say your feelings shouldn't be felt, but very often our unexamined feelings lead us into unproductive behaviors. So I wanna take you through the fact from fiction exercise. A set of five questions to help you examine your stories and feelings. And you can use these questions as a template to prepare for any conflict resolution conversation. Now you can pause the video here after each question and use the notebook tool. So think about a situation that's bothering you. Question number one is how are you behaving about the issue? Are you stewing on it? Or reacting with anger or sarcasm or blame? Just notice and write it down. Question two is what stories are you using to justify your behavior? Our stories usually begin with phrases like I never or I always or you never or you always. So write down your story. Now question three, what feelings do your stories generate? If you have a story like you never listen to me, what feelings get stimulated? Anger, rejection, betrayal? Whatever it is, feel it and name it. Question four, what might also be true? This question is all about finding new perspectives to view a conflict. Alternative stories. So when Mark said Lilly never appreciates the work he does might it also be true that Lilly is being pressured by her boss? Or is it possible that Lilly wants to help Mark do his best? So think about the subject of your conflict and the stories you're telling and see if you can come up with alternate versions that create some wiggle room for empathy with your conflict partner. And question five, how can you take your part in the conflict? Before you attempt to resolve a conflict you need to take responsibility, not blame, responsibility for the part you've played. Have you been disengaging because you disagree with the strategy or process? Have you be triangulating to get people on your side? The fact from fiction exercise is not easy stuff, but if you take the time to noodle through your thoughts and feelings and stories you'll give yourself the clarity you need to find your way back to cooperation and workability.

what is the GROW model?

GROW model goals realities options way forward - deadline

gain alignment & brainstorming study their story look for empathy alignment strategy proposals find stay true to big picture find solutions & next steps circle back to the big question what goal is everyone trying to accomplish?

Gaining alignment and brainstorming - Step four in the resolution roadmap, our framework for solving everyday problems, is gaining alignment and brainstorming. I want you to think about a conflict you're dealing with. You very likely have an idea or several ideas that would solve the problem. But if you try to go from identifying the issue and straight into solution, you run the risk of gaining false consensus, a fake yes for the purpose of getting out of the conversation as quickly as possible. So you have to step into the messy part and hear the other person out. Hear their facts and stories and ideas. So they're not just part of the problem, but part of the process of getting to the solution. One thing that can help you through the messy part is asking yourself what I call the big deal question. What are we committed to? Or, what goal are we all trying to accomplish? The purpose here to find a common theme to anchor or focus your problem-solving process and keep you on track. So let's take a look at this part of the process with our conflict partners Gina, a senior engineering director, and her boss, William, as they get into and out of the messy part. - Thank you for the apology. It seems like you're being stretched in every angle yourself. - Exactly, and honestly, the engineers are not the only ones with one foot out the door. - I'm so sorry. I didn't realize how difficult this must have been for you. It would be a great loss to see you go. - Yeah, so look, we need to stay focused and aligned. - I completely agree. What does alignment mean to you? - We need to exceed our targets to prove the value of our strategy and to protect the team. - Okay, great. That would be in the long run, but what kind of assurance do I have that my senior engineers will be staying intact while we meet the target? - Look, I wish that I could wave a magic wand and say that I am going to hire more engineers, but we have a lot of eyeballs on our budget. - I understand. And it seems like you're worried about getting into the politics of it all for an acquisition? You don't wanna get tangled in that. - That's right. - Well, I may have a couple of strategies that may help. Can I show you? - Yeah, go. - We just completed the performance reviews and here's a list of accomplishments and deliverable of every engineer in the building. I think it's time for you to show them how much they mean to you and show your appreciation in the next meeting. - Yeah, okay, I can do that, but that still doesn't solve the staffing issue. - Well, here's another idea. Why don't we do some resourcing from other teams so we don't have to hire six new people? - Okay, yeah, that might work. You've probably already thought of this, but how about we allow the senior engineers to tackle the resourcing plan? - Yes, I think that's a great idea. And I think it will work if you sign the salary increase that I sent you last week. - All right. - Just to clarify, I'm only doing this for the team and we can talk about me at a later time. - Okay, what I want you to notice about the messy part of the conversation is that finding and staying true to the big picture outcome they both wanted helped Gina and William find solutions and next steps. Circle back to the conflict you most need to resolve right now and ask yourself the big deal question, what are you committed to? Or, what goal is everyone trying to accomplish? Answering those questions and finding alignment will bring shape and focus to your brainstorming and ultimate solutions, and move you from self-centered outcomes to shared purpose.

[ Coaching ] Generator Questions

Generators - unleash ideas, what have you tried already, not explored, needs to happen, whats another option, what else?

getting to agreement noticed that spent emotionally, skip over what conflict partner was actually trying to accomplish I do this a lot, I just feel exhausted after conflicts Keep on the goal, latest task. what who and by when

Getting to agreement - You might think that once you open the conflict conversation and get through some of the issues and challenges, and start identifying solutions, that getting to agreement is the easy part. But what I've noticed in my own disagreements, is that sometimes I'm just so glad to be done with the hard part, that I'm kinda spent emotionally and skip over what my conflict partner and I are actually agreeing to. And that is a recipe for having the same conflict over, and over, again. So getting to agreement is the fifth step in the resolution roadmap, our framework for solving everyday problems. Let's take a look at how Gina, a senior engineer and director, and her boss William, define and commit to specific accountabilities to move their agreement forward. - Okay. No promises. I will take a look at the request on my flight to New York tonight. - Okay, great. Why don't I recap all the key points that we discussed, then I'll email you later today. - Yep, okay. - Oh and, when do you think you'll get back to me about the salary increases for the team? - Let's say Friday. Yeah, and listen, I wanna apologize for not being more available. Honestly, you're doing incredible work. - That's great, thank you. - All right, even though the salary increases are not a done deal, William and Gina are on the same page and have worked out accountabilities and next steps. Most importantly, Gina and her team will be acknowledged for their hard work, which was the main source of irritation in the first place. So, stay the course. Be diligent about identifying next steps, and nail down the what, who, and by when, to avoid a repeat of the conflict.

how we're different from our competitors a marketing story

How we're different from our competitors (a marketing story) - Marketing is about differentiation. It communicates how your product or service is different from your competitors. And marketers use all kinds of methods to communicate that differentiation, like television commercials and product demos and samples sent to your home. But as a leader, whether you're talking to a perspective customer, the investment community, or just helping the people in your department appreciate why your company's product is better than your competition, your best tool is a story. Okay, here's an example. Sharad Madison is the CEO of the commercial cleaning company United Building Maintenance. They're the ones that come in and clean your offices at night. Now when Sharad is trying to explain how his company is different from his competitors he often tells the following story about what he does when he acquires a new client. He says, when we take over a new contract we typically have a 30 day transition period. We take that time to go into the building in the middle of the night to see how they're cleaning it now, to find out if they're properly trained and have the right tools. For example, we recently took over the contract for the Verizon building in New Jersey. Now that's a 1.7 million square foot property across multiple buildings. So we went in and found a guy vacuuming the carpet. Now it turns out he was using the same kind of residential quality vacuum cleaner you probably use at home. Now those hallways are 12 feet wide and over 1/2 a mile long. Can you imagine trying to clean the whole thing with the same machine you use at home? It could take a week and it probably still wouldn't be very clean. Plus, that vacuum will have to be replaced every few months. Well, we ordered him a triple wide industrial strength vacuum cleaner that'll do the job in less than half the time and last forever. Well, then we went to another floor and we found someone shampooing those same carpets with a regular walk behind squeeze bottle shampooer. Again, that could take all night just to shampoo that one floor. So we put him into a high speed riding shampooer that could do the job in a fraction of the time with much better results. Plus, it gets the guy off his feet, so I have fewer workman's comp issues and so does my client. Well, then we got to the offices and started looking at the top of the file cabinets. And you could see half moons swiped out on top of them and he said, I know exactly what that meant. Those cabinets were 5 1/2 feet tall and several of the people cleaning them were shorter than that. So it's not that they're lazy, they just literally couldn't reach high enough to clean all the way to the back. So when we took over we gave them all these little plastic extension wands that they could reach all the way to the back with. Problem solved. Now compare that story to how Sharad might explain his points of differentiation if he was using one of the more typical features and benefits type of marketing language. It'd sound something like this, you know what makes us different is that we equip our cleaners with triple wide industrial strength vacuum cleaners, high speed riding shampooers, and extension wands for dusting, and that's how we're different. Now that, of course, all is true, those are the facts, but the story is far more compelling, because with the story the listener can see all those pieces of equipment in use. They can see the guy going from the cheap vacuum cleaner to the triple wide one. They can picture the guy riding around on a shampooer like the Zamboni driver on an ice skating rink. They can see very clearly someone easily cleaning all the way to the back of a tall, dusty cabinet with a plastic extension wand. Okay, here's some tips to help you craft your own marketing story. Ask the following questions, and you might need to get some input from the sales or marketing or research departments to find good answers. All right, first, think of a time that you or someone else used one of your competitor's products or services and had a bad experience. What was that experience like? And how does it differ from an experience with your product? Okay, second, think of some of the most positive customer success stories at your company. What was so fabulous about them that isn't likely to happen with your competitor's products? And last, and this is my favorite, talk to some of your customers who used to use your competitor's products, but have switched to you. What about their experience made them switch? And what's it like now with your product? Okay, choose one of those experiences and craft a story around it that illustrates the difference between your product or service and your competitors. It could simply be two stories told back to back. A bad customer experience with your competitor's product and a good customer experience with your product. That's your marketing story.

Strategy story david beats goliath starts with imagine this .....

How we're going to get there (a strategy story) - Strategy is how you get from where you are now to where you want to be. In other words, a strategy is a journey. And what better way to describe a journey than a story? Here's a creative example I came across. The cough cold industry is a seasonal business. You know, the overwhelming majority of cold medicines and cough syrups and and facial tissues are sold either in the winter cold season or the spring allergy season. And like a lot of businesses, there's usually one dominant brand and then a distant second, and third place brand. Well, one year all the employees, at one of those second place brands got to work one morning, to find something unexpected on their desks. A copy of what looked like an article from the Wall Street Journal, except it wasn't really a journal article. It was just a memo designed to look like one. And strangely, the date at the top was six years in the future. And the title was how David beat Goliath. And here's the gist of what it said. It introduced a guy named Vavec whose 12 year old daughter, had just signed up to play basketball on a team with a bunch of girls, who'd never played the game and who had no coach. Now he knew they didn't have much of a chance of winning a game even with a coach and none without. So he volunteered. Now, they ended up in the national championships, how? They changed the game. Instead of conventional basketball, they ran a full court press every game all the time. Now, why did that work? It worked because when you're the underdog, letting your opponent play the game that they trained for is a sure path to losing. Vavex opponents had very little practice against a full court press. And when they did get the ball, close enough to the goal to make a play, they were too exhausted to run to their place. And that's exactly what the second tier brand, in the cough cold category did that year. They took place right out of Vavex playbook. Instead of only running ads during cough, cold and allergy season, they started advertising 12 months a year. The ground they picked up in off-peak, gave them a head start the next peak season. They also stopped marketing their brands as only good for colds and allergies. For example, you can use facial tissues to remove makeup or wipe away tears, not just blow your nose. And while most brands market their products exclusively to women, they started advertising to men also. All those new users and new buyers grew their market share even more. Well, the final line in the article, said that after five years of executing these strategies, this distant little second place brand, had just overtaken the dominant brand in market share, for the first time in its 50 year history. David 37%, Goliath 36%. And then at the bottom of the article, was a handwritten note that said, "Thanks for everything you did to achieve these amazing results," signed the boss. Now, yes, because it was dated in the future, you could consider this a vision story but make no mistake, this was a strategy story. It explained each piece of the brand strategy and why each one would work. Using layman's terms and a brilliant's analogy and an inspiring story. Well, by the afternoon, people all over the office, had pinned that article to their cubicle walls, because for the first time, they finally understood the strategy in a way that they could understand, appreciate, and most importantly, execute. A well crafted strategy story can do the same for you. So, to try this particular execution, pick a date in the future, by which your strategy should have worked. And then write what amounts to a newspaper or a magazine article, looking back at your success. And include all the metrics of success, like revenues, and profits and market share whatever, and describe each component of your strategy, in terms of how it played out and how it impacted your business results versus your competitors. Now, you certainly don't need to use a sports analogy, and it doesn't have to be a story looking back from the future. It can just be a hypothetical story delivered in present tense, starting with, "Imagine this," and then follow that with the journey to take you where you want to go. And that becomes your strategy story.

Disagreement process look for motives and feelings for current state and why, usually resolvable investigate own needs/behaviors how would I behave to be commited?

Identifying issues and needs - The resolution road map is a framework compromised of five steps that can be used to resolve any conflict. Let's focus on the first step, identifying the issues and needs. When we're in a blaming state of mind, acknowledging the conflict and being willing to talk about it may be far more difficult than all of the other steps combined. But pointing fingers keeps you in an endless cycle of blame and nowhere near uncovering the real issue, let alone resolving it. So the fix? You have to work on yourself first. To find out the nature or subject of the disagreement, think of a current or recent situation and ask yourself: Is it relational, something having to do with your relationship? Or is it substantive, a disagreement about content or process? Or is it perceptual, a disagreement about how you're viewing a situation? Let's say Mark is under pressure at work. He's been getting to work late and missing deadlines and doing shoddy work on a special project. Mark is worried that his boss Lily will fire him if he doesn't get his act together. Add to that the fact that Mark thinks Lily is hypercritical, and her strategy and process are keeping them from getting the results they really want. How do Mark and Lily move from avoidance and blame to "Houston, we have a problem"? This classic line from the movie Apollo 13 was not phrased, "Houston, you have a problem." If it had, things would have turned out much more dire than they did for everyone. For Mark, the disagreement is around process, the strategy guiding the deliverables of the project. But because he thinks Lily is hypercritical, they're also having a relational disagreement. The next layer of identifying the issues in a conflict is to investigate your own needs and behaviors. You might want to pause the video and use the note taking tool here. What do my actions and behaviors demonstrate about what I want for myself, for others, for the relationship or for the organization? How would I behave if I was really committed to what I want for myself and others? If Mark is being honest with himself, his behavior is demonstrating that he's not committed or invested in the project. What he really wants is to share his ideas about how he'd treat the process to produce the best possible outcome for the project. Now digging a little deeper, it's also likely that Mark wants a little more autonomy for for Lily to value his expertise and contributions to the project. And if Mark was committed to all of that, he might start behaving differently by sitting down and talking things through, and sharing his ideas with Lily and others on the project. He'd stop showing up late and grumbling about things and take some positive action to turn things around. The first step in the resolution road map is not about assigning blame to yourself or others. You're simply taking stock of what's driving your feelings and actions, your motives. If you can understand your motives, you can change your motives.

Name Blame Game something happens feelings stories actions argument

Only you make you feel what you feel Name Blame Game something happens feelings stories actions argument

opening the conflict conversation express yourself making it safe for your conflict person state facts tell & own your story hold your ground & bring back on track dont be distracted by snarky comments

Opening the conflict conversation - Opening a conflict resolution conversation can be the hardest part of this entire process. And this brings us to the third step in our resolution roadmap, our framework for solving everyday problems. The good news is that all the investigation you've done on yourself, identifying the issues as you see them, locating where you can take your part in the conflict, and separating fact from fiction has given you enough clarity to move from avoidance to conversation. Your job in opening the conversation is to express yourself in a way that makes it safe for your conversation partner to engage. Here are the key elements to a successful opening. State the facts as you see them. Tell your story and own it as story. Ask your conflict partner for their perspective. Now, to demonstrate the key elements, let's take a look at a situation between William, a VP of engineering, and Gina, a senior product engineer. The company is a young, successful startup experiencing the challenges of exponential growth. Here's Gina and William. - Sit. What is going on? I spent months developing the financial protocol and when I asked for research decisions and timelines, I just get a couple of nods and a bunch of hostile questions. - Yeah, that was a rough meeting. What was your sense of what was happening in the room? - Stonewalling, avoiding eye contact, and I know they're upset about something, but nobody's talking. - Would you like to hear my take on it? - Yeah, let's get to the bad news. - Well, um, here's the issues as I see them. It's your use of I versus we. - Um, okay. - For the last nine months, the team and I have been working really hard on building the strategy. And we are understaffed by six engineers. We feel that we don't get any credit for the hard work we're doing. - C'mon, I, you, we, whatever, we are over-delivering; that's what I know. - I, you, we, whatever. - I'm irritable and in a hurry. I get your point. Is there anything else? - Yes, your full attention, or we're going to have a mutiny. - What are you talking about? - Before the acquisition, I like to be fully acknowledged and recognized for taking on almost workload of a VP. And the staff needs to be recognized for working around the clock, or your most senior engineers will be headed for the exit. - Okay, I'm sorry if you feel unappreciated. - You're sorry that I feel unappreciated? - Let me rephrase. I'm sorry. I didn't realize people weren't feeling appreciated for their contributions. It's just this acquisition has been consuming all of my time. - Okay, that was a pretty challenging opening for Gina to get through. William was resistant and snarky, and Gina really had to stick with it, repeatedly pulling things back on track to get the facts out and tell her story. The truth is, not everyone you attempt to resolve a conflict with will have the same skills you're learning right now. They won't play by the same rules. And you might even feel like you're the adult and your conflict partner is the teenager throwing a tantrum. But if you persist calmly like Gina did and don't let your conflict partner's reactions trigger you, you'll be able to state your facts, tell your story, and ask questions that make it safe for your partner's facts and stories to emerge. You can do this.

Conflict resolution What are you being deprived of? This is the name part of the cycle. Who's doing the depriving? This is the blame part of the cycle. What value, social norm or rule are they breaking? This is the claim part of the cycle. You might want to use the notebook tool provided here to answer those questions. Playing the name, blame, and claim game - Conflict sprout up 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Why is that? Well, we're human, and in relationship to one another, we have conflicting wants, needs, goals, values. We have imbalances in our access to resources and we have different opinions about the rules that should govern everyone's conduct. So we argue. Let's take a look at the anatomy of conflict and how we get locked in what I call the name, blame, claim cycle. Conflict erupts when three circumstances come together at the same time: the belief that you're being deprived of something you need or want, the belief that someone else is causing the deprivation, and the belief that that deprivation violates a value, a social norm or rule. Let's say Mark forgets to include his manager Lily in an email loop about a new project he wants. Lily get upset about being bypassed and accuses Mark of violating the social rule of running things past the boss. Lily names Mark as the source of her irritation and then she blames him for the wrongdoing and claims he's violated a workplace norm. Now let's make this personal so you can have a working example. I want you to backpedal to your most recent conflict with a friend or a coworker, or a conflict that so far is only taking place in your head. Now see if you can deconstruct it. What are you being deprived of? This is the name part of the cycle. Who's doing the depriving? This is the blame part of the cycle. What value, social norm or rule are they breaking? This is the claim part of the cycle. You might want to use the notebook tool provided here to answer those questions. You'll have a window into how you got into trouble in the first place and you'll have a working example to use throughout the course.

Playing the name, blame, and claim game - Conflict sprout up 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Why is that? Well, we're human, and in relationship to one another, we have conflicting wants, needs, goals, values. We have imbalances in our access to resources and we have different opinions about the rules that should govern everyone's conduct. So we argue. Let's take a look at the anatomy of conflict and how we get locked in what I call the name, blame, claim cycle. Conflict erupts when three circumstances come together at the same time: the belief that you're being deprived of something you need or want, the belief that someone else is causing the deprivation, and the belief that that deprivation violates a value, a social norm or rule. Let's say Mark forgets to include his manager Lily in an email loop about a new project he wants. Lily get upset about being bypassed and accuses Mark of violating the social rule of running things past the boss. Lily names Mark as the source of her irritation and then she blames him for the wrongdoing and claims he's violated a workplace norm. Now let's make this personal so you can have a working example. I want you to backpedal to your most recent conflict with a friend or a coworker, or a conflict that so far is only taking place in your head. Now see if you can deconstruct it. What are you being deprived of? This is the name part of the cycle. Who's doing the depriving? This is the blame part of the cycle. What value, social norm or rule are they breaking? This is the claim part of the cycle. You might want to use the notebook tool provided here to answer those questions. You'll have a window into how you got into trouble in the first place and you'll have a working example to use throughout the course.

recognizing contentious tactics Recognizing contentious tactics - When we feel we haven't been treated fairly, or we think our needs are being ignored, we react. We say, ouch. And if we're in a reactive frame of mind, we often resort to contentious tactics, trying to resolve conflict through manipulation, or holding our ground to prove we're right, and our conflict partner is wrong. First on that list is ingratiation. Getting what we want through sweet talk, or flattery, or because we're just so charming. It might sound like I know I said I'd put the data into the spreadsheet by today, but you're so much more skilled at it than I am. That flattery might work once or twice, but over time it will diminish your working relationships. Next is promises, this is getting what you want now by agreeing to do something later. You might promise to take someone to lunch in return for covering for your shift. This is actually a really useful tactic, if it's employed for mutual gain. But like ingratiation, overusing it can cobble away at goodwill, and lead to future conflict. Persuasive argumentation is the use of logic and reason to attempt to change someone's behavior or position. It might sound like the research I've complied shows that our customers rarely use feature X, so I'm recommending we disable it permanently. This is the most common contentious tactic and it's pretty useful. But it's not always successful, because it side steps decision-making participation and brainstorming. And when we try to convince someone to do something they haven't fulled considered, it can backfire because true buy-in was never reached. Next is shaming. This tactic is expressing shock or disapproval about someone's choices or behavior, usually on moral grounds. For example, if your boss says, I'm so disappointed in the quality of your work, I'm questioning why I ever hired you? Shaming is much more popular tactic than most of us would like to admit. If you think back to a recent disagreement, you might just notice how you or someone else used shaming to achieve an outcome. The next tactic is threats. This is getting what we want by saying we'll cause the other person harm if they don't comply. If you don't get the proposal draft to me by Friday, your days on this team are numbered. Sound familiar? And finally, physical force. This is anything from hitting, pushing, shoving, to war and terrorism. Although we have rules and laws that govern our behavior in this area, we break them all the time. Resist the temptation. When people use contentious tactics in an attempt to get what they want, it's really a signal that an upset is brewing, an unmet need or or issue is hiding in plain sight, or just below the surface. Now in the heat of the moment, if you can teach yourself to pause, and ask questions that help you identify that need or issue, you give your conflict pattern a chance to recalibrate, and move from blame to cooperation. So start listening for contentious tactics, pause, and dig deeper, and you may avoid a full-blown conflict altogether.

Recognizing contentious tactics - When we feel we haven't been treated fairly, or we think our needs are being ignored, we react. We say, ouch. And if we're in a reactive frame of mind, we often resort to contentious tactics, trying to resolve conflict through manipulation, or holding our ground to prove we're right, and our conflict partner is wrong. First on that list is ingratiation. Getting what we want through sweet talk, or flattery, or because we're just so charming. It might sound like I know I said I'd put the data into the spreadsheet by today, but you're so much more skilled at it than I am. That flattery might work once or twice, but over time it will diminish your working relationships. Next is promises, this is getting what you want now by agreeing to do something later. You might promise to take someone to lunch in return for covering for your shift. This is actually a really useful tactic, if it's employed for mutual gain. But like ingratiation, overusing it can cobble away at goodwill, and lead to future conflict. Persuasive argumentation is the use of logic and reason to attempt to change someone's behavior or position. It might sound like the research I've complied shows that our customers rarely use feature X, so I'm recommending we disable it permanently. This is the most common contentious tactic and it's pretty useful. But it's not always successful, because it side steps decision-making participation and brainstorming. And when we try to convince someone to do something they haven't fulled considered, it can backfire because true buy-in was never reached. Next is shaming. This tactic is expressing shock or disapproval about someone's choices or behavior, usually on moral grounds. For example, if your boss says, I'm so disappointed in the quality of your work, I'm questioning why I ever hired you? Shaming is much more popular tactic than most of us would like to admit. If you think back to a recent disagreement, you might just notice how you or someone else used shaming to achieve an outcome. The next tactic is threats. This is getting what we want by saying we'll cause the other person harm if they don't comply. If you don't get the proposal draft to me by Friday, your days on this team are numbered. Sound familiar? And finally, physical force. This is anything from hitting, pushing, shoving, to war and terrorism. Although we have rules and laws that govern our behavior in this area, we break them all the time. Resist the temptation. When people use contentious tactics in an attempt to get what they want, it's really a signal that an upset is brewing, an unmet need or or issue is hiding in plain sight, or just below the surface. Now in the heat of the moment, if you can teach yourself to pause, and ask questions that help you identify that need or issue, you give your conflict pattern a chance to recalibrate, and move from blame to cooperation. So start listening for contentious tactics, pause, and dig deeper, and you may avoid a full-blown conflict altogether.

"What should you do before the meeting? Meeting Prep?

Send out an agenda of target accomplishments / message delivery goals to hit by the end of the meeting Include an accurate timeframe AGENDA TIMELINE 9:00 9:05 9:10 9:25 9:30

[ coaching ]Questions on the GROW model?

So for goals you might ask, what would you like to achieve? Or where do you want to grow most in your role and/or career? For realities you might ask, what are the obstacles in your way of achieving your goal? For options you ask, what are all the possibilities we can brainstorm for tackling this goal? And finally for way forward you want to ask, what are your next steps? Step two in establishing your coaching relationship is to communicate your intention to make your coaching conversations an ongoing practice and agree on some basic logistics. Now these logistics might include the day and time you meet, how often and location. Now if you can pick a day and time that works for both of you and stick with it, you'll create momentum and you'll save so much time because you won't be trying to coordinate your schedules constantly. Agreeing on logistics, communicates something incredibly important, your commitment to helping your people succeed. And this brings me to another important point, confidentiality. To build trust in coaching, your employee's process needs to be held in the vault. While you meet agree to share great results and accomplishments with your team or leadership, the content of your coaching conversations needs to be held in strict confidence. So let's go back to the people on your team that you'd most like to coach. If I were coaching you right now I'd very likely ask you, what's your next step for establishing a coaching relationship with each of your people? No doubt you would say you're going to review and write down the GROW model questions and set up your meetings. And that is a great start.

understanding conflict styles - become aware on your default reaction - enter mind set to be asked to be valued & explore options where both feel in agreement done best, been well met, preserved/deepened relationship avoid - i lose you lose [ fear of rejection ] accommodate - lose, you lose [ push back, then compete - you defend your request - w/ threat to see your way request - focus on brainstorming a path for a win win eventually goal is compromise, each takes points to win/lose Understanding conflict styles - The way we respond to conflict has its roots in our upbringing and our culture. Some of us can argue ourselves into exhaustion, and some of us would rather take cover and wait out the storm. So if we're going to build conflict resolution capacity, it makes sense to find out our default conflict response style so we can practice making better choices in the future. Let's take a look at the Thomas-Killman Conflict Model, which illustrates how people typically behave when faced with an uncomfortable situation. As we go through each style, be on the lookout for your default. So let's say you think you should get a promotion. You've been taking on more projects and responsibilities, and contributing value way beyond your job description and original expectations. But just thinking about the conversation is producing a sort of internal conflict, a fear of rejection or being passed over. In the Avoid quandrant of the model, simply put, you don't ask. You let the opportunity pass because the fear of rejection is so high you can't bring yourself to ask. So you lose. And in truth, your boss or your team loses out, too, because your value is going unrecognized. In the Accommodate quadrant of the model, you find the will to ask, but when you're met with questions or pushback, you fold. You say "That's okay, I just thought I'd ask!" In this scenario, you lose and they win. In the Compete quadrant of the model, you definitely ask. And when your boss starts to waffle or says no, you double down. You defend your request, and you might just add a little threat to get your boss to see things your way. In the Collaborate quadrant, you make your request, present your case, and you focus on brainstorming to find a path forward that works for both of you. This is the classic win-win. Now, it looks like the goal of the model is to Compromise. You ask for what you want, and over the course of the conversation, you give up a point or two and your boss gives up a point or two. So you win and lose, and your boss wins and loses. Now, in my opinion, the model should be altered so that Collaborate is in the center of any conversation where the goal is to find agreement. You enter the conversation with the mindset that you're going to ask to be valued, and you're going to explore possibilities and options until you're both happy with the outcome. You may, in fact, wiggle on a timing or title, or make concessions. But the overall outcome and feeling of the conversation is that you've done your best and been well-met. You've preserved your relationship and probably deepened it. So be honest with yourself and pinpoint your default conflict style. With your new awareness, you now have the opportunity to choose Collaboration as a more effective way to solve everyday problems.

Understanding conflict styles - The way we respond to conflict has its roots in our upbringing and our culture. Some of us can argue ourselves into exhaustion, and some of us would rather take cover and wait out the storm. So if we're going to build conflict resolution capacity, it makes sense to find out our default conflict response style so we can practice making better choices in the future. Let's take a look at the Thomas-Killman Conflict Model, which illustrates how people typically behave when faced with an uncomfortable situation. As we go through each style, be on the lookout for your default. So let's say you think you should get a promotion. You've been taking on more projects and responsibilities, and contributing value way beyond your job description and original expectations. But just thinking about the conversation is producing a sort of internal conflict, a fear of rejection or being passed over. In the Avoid quandrant of the model, simply put, you don't ask. You let the opportunity pass because the fear of rejection is so high you can't bring yourself to ask. So you lose. And in truth, your boss or your team loses out, too, because your value is going unrecognized. In the Accommodate quadrant of the model, you find the will to ask, but when you're met with questions or pushback, you fold. You say "That's okay, I just thought I'd ask!" In this scenario, you lose and they win. In the Compete quadrant of the model, you definitely ask. And when your boss starts to waffle or says no, you double down. You defend your request, and you might just add a little threat to get your boss to see things your way. In the Collaborate quadrant, you make your request, present your case, and you focus on brainstorming to find a path forward that works for both of you. This is the classic win-win. Now, it looks like the goal of the model is to Compromise. You ask for what you want, and over the course of the conversation, you give up a point or two and your boss gives up a point or two. So you win and lose, and your boss wins and loses. Now, in my opinion, the model should be altered so that Collaborate is in the center of any conversation where the goal is to find agreement. You enter the conversation with the mindset that you're going to ask to be valued, and you're going to explore possibilities and options until you're both happy with the outcome. You may, in fact, wiggle on a timing or title, or make concessions. But the overall outcome and feeling of the conversation is that you've done your best and been well-met. You've preserved your relationship and probably deepened it. So be honest with yourself and pinpoint your default conflict style. With your new awareness, you now have the opportunity to choose Collaboration as a more effective way to solve everyday problems.

unwinding cognitive bias Unwinding cognitive bias - Let's focus on some of the universal thoughts that cloud our judgment and dominate our disagreements. These universal thoughts are called cognitive biases, and they operate just below the surface of our awareness. When we're in the middle of a conflict, our biases and buried thought patterns cause us to cling to our positions like barnacles. So let's uncover how these cognitive biases work in our everyday conversations. First is hindsight bias. This is also called the "I knew it all along" bias. It's the tendency to view past events as being predictable. Let's say you've noticed that when team members propose ideas to your boss, they're all met with rejection. And now you're proposing a new idea and your boss shoots it down, and you say, "I knew you would have that reaction "and wouldn't support me." Hindsight bias helps you point your finger but it does not help you solve the problem. Next is fundamental attribution error. This is the tendency for people to explain the behavior of others as personality defects while minimizing the role of situational influences. Let's say your report has been late to work repeatedly for the past couple of weeks. As you sit down for a team meeting, he shows up 10 minutes in. You're thinking he's disorganized and disengaged, only to learn later he's been taking public transit because his car is in the shop. Oops. Surely there's a conversation to be had about how to deal with your report's circumstances. But the point here is to recognize how we leap to conclusions ahead of getting the facts. Next is confirmation bias. Now this is the tendency to look for or interpret information in a way that confirms our preconceptions. For example, if you believe that Joe is not the right person to lead a new project, you might seek out information and opinions from people who agree with your perspective to make your case. Confirmation bias can hold you back from seeing things in a holistic way. Finally, belief bias. This is when we form an opinion about the logic of an idea or a proposal not on its merits but on the belief in the truth or falsity of the conclusion. Lemme break that down. A workplace example might be if management is pushing production to hit more volume believing more is better, then any proposal favoring quality over quantity will be rejected. These are only a few of the cognitive biases that operate in everyday conflicts. In truth, we have infinite biases about gender, race, nationality, economic status. Same for weight, appearance, how tall or short somebody is, you name it. The fact is, you can't stop your brain from judging. It's what our brains do. But you can train yourself to pause long enough to ask yourself, how am I viewing this conflict? What filters and biases might be clouding my vision? If you can recognize your own biases, you can take a step back from them and allow room for other perspectives. This awareness not only helps you diffuse a conflict, it can help you avoid it altogether.

Unwinding cognitive bias - Let's focus on some of the universal thoughts that cloud our judgment and dominate our disagreements. These universal thoughts are called cognitive biases, and they operate just below the surface of our awareness. When we're in the middle of a conflict, our biases and buried thought patterns cause us to cling to our positions like barnacles. So let's uncover how these cognitive biases work in our everyday conversations. First is hindsight bias. This is also called the "I knew it all along" bias. It's the tendency to view past events as being predictable. Let's say you've noticed that when team members propose ideas to your boss, they're all met with rejection. And now you're proposing a new idea and your boss shoots it down, and you say, "I knew you would have that reaction "and wouldn't support me." Hindsight bias helps you point your finger but it does not help you solve the problem. Next is fundamental attribution error. This is the tendency for people to explain the behavior of others as personality defects while minimizing the role of situational influences. Let's say your report has been late to work repeatedly for the past couple of weeks. As you sit down for a team meeting, he shows up 10 minutes in. You're thinking he's disorganized and disengaged, only to learn later he's been taking public transit because his car is in the shop. Oops. Surely there's a conversation to be had about how to deal with your report's circumstances. But the point here is to recognize how we leap to conclusions ahead of getting the facts. Next is confirmation bias. Now this is the tendency to look for or interpret information in a way that confirms our preconceptions. For example, if you believe that Joe is not the right person to lead a new project, you might seek out information and opinions from people who agree with your perspective to make your case. Confirmation bias can hold you back from seeing things in a holistic way. Finally, belief bias. This is when we form an opinion about the logic of an idea or a proposal not on its merits but on the belief in the truth or falsity of the conclusion. Lemme break that down. A workplace example might be if management is pushing production to hit more volume believing more is better, then any proposal favoring quality over quantity will be rejected. These are only a few of the cognitive biases that operate in everyday conflicts. In truth, we have infinite biases about gender, race, nationality, economic status. Same for weight, appearance, how tall or short somebody is, you name it. The fact is, you can't stop your brain from judging. It's what our brains do. But you can train yourself to pause long enough to ask yourself, how am I viewing this conflict? What filters and biases might be clouding my vision? If you can recognize your own biases, you can take a step back from them and allow room for other perspectives. This awareness not only helps you diffuse a conflict, it can help you avoid it altogether.

Reflection conversations Wait 5 seconds for reflection conversations before "reacting" let them do the talking to create their own conversation/self awareness

Wait 5 seconds for reflection conversations what do you think about hows the new office wins/challenge since we last spoke if we could wipe the slate clean, what would you do? what possible solutions, what date/time would you complete these steps start with what or how -> improvise

what we believe a corporate values story

What we believe (a corporate values story) - Every company has them, corporate value statements. Now, sometimes they're called company values and principles, or simply, what we believe. But values are only words on a piece of paper until they're tested, until someone is put in a difficult position of choosing between doing the hard right or the easy wrong. Now, that's why stories are uniquely called for when trying to establish values in an organization. Only a story can convey the uncomfortable or awkward predicament required to truly define a value. So, here's an example. It's likely that you've heard of Sam Walton who founded Walmart in 1962 in Arkansas, but you may not be familiar with Florence Butt, the woman who founded H.E. Butt, or H-E-B, grocery stores in San Antonio, Texas in 1905. Now, for much of the 20th century, H-E-B was the largest grocery store chain in Texas. That is, until Walmart came along. And then within a couple of decades, Walmart had overtaken H-E-B as the leading grocer in Texas. Well, by that time, Charles Butt, the grandson of the founder, was the CEO of the company, and in an effort to learn from his now larger competitor, Charles Butt once asked Sam Walton if he could bring his leadership team to Walmart's headquarters on a learning mission. Now, that probably seems kind of weird since they're obviously competitors, but Sam Walton agreed to do it anyway. So, on a scheduled day, Charles Butt and his whole executive team arrived in Arkansas and met Sam at one of his local stores. Well, when Charles walked in, he could see Sam at the end of a long aisle talking to a customer, so Charles walked up the aisle with his team. Well, when Sam saw him, he stopped them and said, Charles, I'll be with you in a minute. I'm talking to this young woman. He was trying to sell her an ironing board cover. And after a few more minutes of conversation, the woman put one of the ironing board covers in her cart and pushed off to the register. Sam then turned to Charles and asked him, in all seriousness, Charles, do you know how many worn out ironing board covers there are in this country? We're going to sell one million of them this month. Now, imagine you're an employee at Walmart today and your boss told you that story. What lessons about company values could you learn? Here's my list. First, other retailers are our competitors, not our enemies. We work in the same industry serving the same customers. You know, if we can help each other serve those customers without giving away our competitive secrets, we should. Second, the customer is number one. You know, even though he'd invited H-E-B's CEO to fly hundreds of miles just to meet with him, Sam Walton chose to make the CEO wait while he helped a customer. Third, understanding the customer's wants and needs is important. How do you think Sam knew there were so many worn out ironing board covers in the country? He asked. Okay, fourth, persistence pays off. Valuing persistence means you don't give up until you've helped the customer find what he or she is looking for. Sam didn't quit until the woman was satisfied with her choice and put the ironing board cover in her cart. And last, passion wins. Out of the billions of dollars in merchandise Walmart sells every year, Sam had set a goal specifically for how many ironing board covers he wanted to sell, a million this month, and he was clearly excited by the challenge. Passion is contagious. Spread it, and you'll be amazed what you can accomplish. So, notice that a story like this can communicate not just one, but a number of different values at the same time, and it does so far better than a corporate value statement ever could. So, to come up with your own value stories, start by finding your company value statement. It's probably hidden in a dusty drawer somewhere. Go through each item on the list and ask these questions. When have I seen someone's behavior exemplify this value? What happened, and how did it reflect on that person and the company? Or, when have I seen someone's behavior show the opposite character? What happened, and what were the negative consequences for that person and the company? And then, pick the situation that best illustrates the value or values most important to you personally. Build a story around that moment, share it, and ask people what values they learn from it but before telling them what you learned from it. Chances are, they'll learn the same thing you did.

what we do for our customers a sales story choose a client outline what led to using your product list acitons you took . It has to be a specific instance. Then list the main steps of what your company did for them And last, explain the outcome in terms of how it benefited the customer.

What we do for our customers (a sales story) - Have you ever listened to someone explain what they do for a living, after which you didn't have the slightest clue what they actually did? Of course you have. It might sound something like this: I run a company that integrates siloed marketing platforms into a single digital information exchange. You know, what does that even mean? Now, perhaps some of you are even thinking that sometimes the person spewing out those meaningless buzzwords is you. And that's one reason you need at least one good story to help explain in concrete terms what it is you or your company does for your customers. All right, here's an example. Ben Koberna is the founder and CEO of a reverse auction company. That means it finds and condenses several suppliers to participate in a competitive bidding process to supply whatever it is the client needs at the cheapest cost. And while that short description does accurately describe what his company does, it leaves all kinds of questions unanswered. So, when he's talkin' to a new prospect, he almost always tells the story about one of his very first clients. Now, it was a mid-size city government in Central Florida. And they'd been paying $250,000 a year for a contractor to haul away the sludge from their wastewater treatment plant. So, they hired his company to do a reverse auction to see if they could save some money. He explained what they did this way. He said, we looked around and found several sludge-removal companies that were interested. Then we invited them to a pre-bid meeting, so we could explain the process. Well, the guy who had the contract at the time showed up with his layer, yelling and screaming, and he even kicked over a chair. I mean, he told us the whole process was illegal and said we were all going to be arrested. Well, we eventually got him settled down and started the bidding process. So, his first bid was for $250,000, of course. But then, when more aggressive bids started coming in, he lowered his bid to 240,000, and then 200,000, and then 150,000. The next bid he put in, though, was for zero dollars. Now, obviously, that was a mistake, so we paused the auction and called him on the phone. We explained his mistake and told him we could strike that bid and reset the auction. But he told us that wouldn't be necessary. He said, "I didn't make a mistake. "I've been sellin' that sludge to local farmers "for the last 20 years to use as fertilizer. "I'll just come pick it up for free." And my client has been saving $250,000 a year ever since. Now, notice how Ben's story answers a lot of questions his customers ask, and even some they don't even know to ask or are afraid to ask. For example, the story answers questions like, do I have to find all the vendors to bid? Nope, that's our job. And how do we explain to them how the process will work? You don't, we do that for you in a pre-bid meeting. But it also answers this more uncomfortable question: Will my current supplier get mad at me for doing this? Because the truth is, in Ben's experience, they will get mad. And most clients will worry about that because they've been doing business with these people for years. They know them personally. And nobody wants to upset someone you've known and worked with for a long time. But as the story illustrates, it doesn't matter if they get upset because they won't get mad at the client, they're going to get mad at Ben. That's part of what the client is paying for, for his company to shoulder the brunt of the emotional reaction this kind of a process creates. All the client has to do is save money. Okay, if you have personal experience workin' with customers, you might be able to craft this story by yourself. If not, you'll need the help of someone in the sales department. They probably even have stories like this they can tell you off the top of their head. Share this story with them as an example of what you're looking for. And then do the following: First, choose a client from a typical industry you serve, preferably one with a great experience working with you. And you don't have to use the client's real name. Next, sketch out a brief outline of events that led up to them needing your product or service. It has to be a specific instance. Then list the main steps of what your company did for them, all right? And then last, explain the outcome in terms of how it benefited the customer. That's it, that's your sales story.

Founding of how cliff bars started clifford ( dad of founder name) real human reason Craft a founding story - ask for an interview - ask if you were an investigative privitol moment that changed everything. get that one answer that makes you want to quit your job and start you own business. find that drive

Where we came from (our founding story) - Nobody ever quit their job, risked everything and started their own company for a boring reason, and that's why you should be telling your company's founding story. It's probably exciting, and sharing a great founding story gives employees a chance to be part of something bigger than their job. It shows them the passion and drive behind why the founder started the company in the first place, so that they can have the same sense of passion. Now, here's an example. In the late 1980s, Gary Erickson was living in a San Francisco Bay Area trying to hold down two jobs. Now, during the day, he was managing a bicycle seat manufacturing company, but at night, he was pursuing his real passion, running his own bakery. Well, one day in 1990, he was out for 175 mile day-long bike ride with a friend, and as most bikers do, he'd brought up half dozen energy bars with him for refueling along the route. Well, anyway, they got to the top of Mount Hamilton, just east of San Jose, and they took a break. Now, Gary had already eaten five of his six bars, but he was still famished, and he had 50 miles left to go. Well, he looked at the sixth one in his hand, and he thought, no way. I can't do one more. I'd rather starve than eat another one of these. Now, if you're familiar with some of those early energy bars, you understand why. They were hard and sticky and just kind of sat in your stomach like a rock. Well, as he was coasting back down into San Jose on an empty stomach, Gary was thinking to himself, wait a minute, I've got a bakery and everything we make tastes great, so why do these energy bars that just about every cyclist and runner eats have to be such a bitter pill that you have to swallow just to perform? And that's when Gary had an epiphany. He turned to his friend and he said, "You know what, I can make a better energy bar than this." And the next day, he called his mom and he started working on a formula in her kitchen. And then after six months of trial and error, they'd found just the the right recipe with the texture of a cookie but with healthy all-natural ingredients. He had already named his bakery after a woman in his family, so when it came time to give the new product a name, he thought he should name it after his father, Clifford, who'd given him his love of the outdoors and adventures in the first place. And so he did. And that's when the Clif Bar was born. Now, to understand why this story works as a founding story, compare it to how most founding stories read. Our founder started the company in 1936 in a basement with $500 and two employees. Today we have over 20,000 employees, offices all over the world, and last year, we made the Fortune 500 list for the first time. Now, sure, those are big numbers, but so what? It's missing the story. The story answers why questions, not just what questions. The Clif Bar story works because it explains why Gary Erickson founded the company in the first place, and that reason was a real human reason, and that's why employees and customers and investors can see themselves playing a part in the company. So if your company's founding story isn't written down somewhere or it's not very good, craft one yourself. If the founder's still alive, ask for an interview, and if not, ask someone else who knows the original story. Ask questions as if you were an investigative journalist. You are looking for that pivotal moment that changed everything, like Gary's epiphany on the top of Mount Hamilton, and don't be satisfied with a vague answer about building a business or even saving the world. Keep asking questions until you find yourself wanting to quit your job and start your own company. That's how you'll know you've got the story right.

vision story about the future

Where we're going (a vision story) - A vision is a picture of the future so compelling, people want to go there with you. In other words, a story about the future. Now unfortunately, what passes for a vision today is often just a vision sentence or a phrase like 20% market share by 2020. Seriously? That's a goal, not a vision. And here's a better way that I stumbled across myself. In 2002, I was asked to lead a group of forecasters who's job it was to predict the future sales of new products. But, since you can't predict the future perfectly, they knew their predictions were always going to be wrong. They just didn't know if it'd be too high or too low and by how much. Well, to make matters worse, they were often under trained, had forecasting models that were overly complicated or poorly documented and based on old data. Now my job was to lead them through whatever changes were needed to fix all that. But the solution wasn't something that I could just do for them; it would take a lot of work on their part. My challenge was to lay out a vision and hopefully inspire enough of them to do the hard work necessary to get there. So I wrote them a vision story and it stared out like this: below is a picture of the future. It's my vision of what a day in the life of a sales forecaster could be in the near future. Now, some of you may feel you're already pretty close to this and some may feel infinitely far away. Either way, I want to make this a vision that we all share, either by adding your ideas to it or embracing it as is, let me know what you think. And in the subject line of the email, I wrote, the vision: a day in the life of a sales forecaster. And the story it contained introduced Sheri, a sales forecaster two years in the future. And then the story simply followed Sheri through a single day at work. What she did, and the meetings she attended, and for the people reading it, it was clear how different her experience was from what they experienced day to day. You know, the story followed Sheri to meetings that she previously wouldn't have even been invited to because her opinion wasn't valued as much before. And then, instead of feeling uncertain when she answered questions in a meeting, she felt confident, because she'd been more properly trained and her models were updated with the most recent data. And instead of fumbling around in her forecast model, trying to figure out how it worked and troubleshooting issues, she simply opened the new instruction manual and followed the instructions. And as the story continued, it became clear that she experienced none of the typical frustrations a forecaster would be familiar with. And then the story closed at the end of the day when Sheri was walking out of a meeting. You know, two people thanked her for her great ideas and said that they really liked this new leadership role the forecasters seemed to be playing in the business. And the final words of the story read, she hadn't realized it before now, but she actually liked her job. It was a lot more fun to come to work when you know what you're doing and that you're having a positive impact on the results. Now, the first response I got to the email was, oh wow, I want that to be my story two years from now. I'm in. Well after a dozen or so responses like that, I knew I'd stumbled upon something right with the story. So to craft a vision story of your own, start by deciding who will benefit most if you vision is achieved. Then choose a fictional character from that group to be the main character of your story and then just sketch out what a typical day at work will be like for them after your vision has been achieved. You know, make sure to include the type of activities that are both important to your audience and heavily impacted by having achieved the vision. You know, if your goal is winning in the marketplace, what's better about that? Will employees be prouder to work there? If so, then maybe show your main character reading a flattering article about your company in Fortune magazine. You know, if you goal is to grow sales and profits faster, what's better about that? Will that mean bigger bonuses? Will it open up new job opportunities for your employees or create more challenging work? Show that in the story. And then, conclude with a summary of how your main character feels about the world he or she is living in and working in now compared to the way things were before and that's your vision story.

Who we serve a customer story get out of the office met company face to face you should tell the stories of people who did

Who we serve (a customer story) - A desk is a dangerous place from which to view the world. That's the observation of a spy novelist named John le Carre. But it's just as fitting in the business world. You know if the only customer information used in your organization comes from dry Powerpoint presentations and impersonal statistical data, you probably don't understand your customer any more than you understand your own medical charts. No, there's just no substitute for getting out of the office and meeting your customer face-to-face. But since not everyone in the company can do that as often as they should, you, as the leader should be telling the stories of the people who did. Especially the truly enlightened ones. So, here's an example. In 1993, Rohini was a new marketing manager for a brand of disposable feminine hygiene pads in India. And she was on a three-day trip in Chennai doing in-home research. And her goal was to find out what was causing low-income women to buy her expensive brand of disposable pads when they had been using cheap, reusable cloth pads. And, one of those in-home visits was in a two-room apartment with a small kitchen alcove, no TV, no refrigerator, and no air conditioning. You know a man's shirt was hanging from two nails on the other side of the door along with his trousers and a towel. And on the table, under the window, was a pile of schoolbooks covered in brown paper. Now, she described their conversation this way. Early on in the discussion it became clear that she wasn't using our product for herself, she was buying it for her eighth grade daughter who'd been using cloth. So, I asked her why she'd started spending money on it if her daughter had already become used to cloth. And the woman replied, well, it's because she has to go to school. Well, what did your daughter do about school when she was using cloth? Oh, she would go, all right, but she just felt uncomfortable, you know couldn't concentrate. But with these pads, she doesn't feel the wetness so she feels more comfortable and she doesn't have to worry about staining. But don't you think that's a bit expensive for you just to give your daughter a comfortable feeling every once in awhile? Oh yes, it's expensive, she said, but she needs to be able to concentrate in school to get good marks. So Rohini asked, well, why is that important? After all, you'll presumably just want to get her married after school, so why are good marks important? And the woman said, well, I want her to study further after school. I don't want her to get married too early. Well, but you, yourself got married at the age of 16. What's wrong with that? And then the woman leaned forward in her chair and she looked Rohini right in the eyes and said, I don't want my daughter to be like me. I want my daughter to be financially independent, to be able to be comfortable in the outside world. You know whether she marries or not will be up to her. She has to study, get good marks, and go to college and then get a job. I don't want her to have two kids by the age of 20. You know, I live my life through my children. I don't have many aspirations for my own life now, but my daughter must be different from me. And that's why these pads make sense. Now, no doubt Rohini's team wrote a proper, clinical summary of their conclusions and observations on that research trip. But the most effective vehicle she left for helping others understand the customer was the intimate portrait contained in the story about meeting that one woman in Chennai. So, to come up with your own customer stories, do this. First, get out of the office and meet your customer face-to-face. Go on a sales call with the sales team, tag along with the research department on a customer visit, stop a shopper in the aisle at a grocery store when you see them buying your product. Whatever you have to do, make it happen. Then, when you get back, write a story about your experience and what you learned. In fact, ask other leaders about their personal experiences with consumers and cuatomers. Somebody has a great customer story like Rohini's. Find it and tell that story.

why i lead the way i do a leadership philosophy story fail fast fail frequently, keep recovery on track b.c frequent correction & experimentation

Why I lead the way I do (a leadership philosophy story) - Have you ever met with someone at work and they handed you a sheet of paper that lays out the leadership principles they operate by? Yeah, I've always been impressed with people forward thinking enough to have their own personal leadership philosophy, but I'm rarely impressed with what that philosophy actually is. You know, it's usually just a bunch of trite platitudes and meaningless buzzwords that sounds something like this: my leadership philosophy is to synergistically leverage my organizations unique capabilities and value added activities to drive employee engagement, outside the box thinking, and ultimately maximize value creation. No, ah! I mean, that is so vague and impersonal, I could've taken any of the dozens I've been handed in the past and switched the names at the top and it would not have made a difference. All right, a bunch of buzzwords on a piece of paper, could never adequately articulate the subtle, complex, and human nature of leadership. You know, the only thing capable of that kind of finesse, is a story, or more likely, several stories, but let's start with one. So, in 1995, Mike Figliuolo was a tank platoon leader in the US Army, in charge of 15 soldiers and four tanks. Well in April of that year, his platoon was getting ready for a field training exercise, so essentially it was a war game with real tanks and a real field, but with simulated weapons. So it was basically a game of laser tag with tanks and as fate would have it, Mike's tank would literally be the first tank among 400 vehicles going into battle in wedge formation on his side of the field. Now, before the exercise, Mike and his commanding officer had looked at a, at the map of the field. And there were several hills and they decided on one particular pass between them that would be the safest and the fastest route. So, when the game started, Mike's tank, of course, sped toward the enemy as planned, but a battlefield rarely looks like it does on a map, especially when you're looking at it through the tiny opening in a hatch while moving 40 miles per hour and being shot at. So, when they got to the hills, Mike wasn't sure which way to go so he had a decision to make. Now option one, he could stop the tank, pull out the map, and figure out the right way to go. But, the tanks were all in a very tight formation and all of them would have to stop with him and that would leave them all sitting in the open, subject to enemy fire, all right. Option two, he could make an educated guess, keep moving forward, and take his chances. Mike chose option two. He yelled out, "Driver go left, take the left pass." Less than a minute late, Mike's tank got taken out by a laser. And a few seconds later, his wingman got taken out as well as the third tank, but the fourth tank, and all the other 396 tanks in the battalion saw what happened and realized it was the wrong decision. All of them headed right, flooded through the correct pass and won the battle. Now, it was an important lesson for Mike. It taught him the value of decisiveness. You know, in war, and in business, it's often better to make the wrong decision quickly, then to make the right decision slowly. You know, bad decisions usually become evident before too long and can be corrected. But indecision can cost you the battle because while you're studying the problem, your opponents are still moving forward. So, now as a business leader, he rarely falls victim to the analysis paralysis that troubles so many leaders today. You know, by comparison, his decisions can seem quick, but he also has a higher tolerance for mistakes, as long as people learn from those mistakes and sharing his story of that field training exercise is one way he helps his partners and clients expect that kind of decisive leadership behavior from him and plan accordingly. And a story like that, of your own, can do the same for you. So, to look for personally defining moments, like this, in your life as a leader, ask yourself these questions: what was your biggest leadership mistake and what did you learn from it? What leadership decision are you most proud of and why? What leader do you most admire and what was the moment your realized you did? And what one or two principles are you least willing to sacrifice to achieve your goals and why? So, pick one of the moments you thought of from that list of questions and build a story around it. That will be your personal leadership philosophy story.

find a human reason for a case for change who stands to benefit most from that change

Why we can't stay there (a case-for-change story) - Human beings are creatures of habit, and that means change is hard. And without a compelling human reason, people won't adapt quickly or effectively to whatever change you've got planned. A case for change story gives them that reason why. And the best story to answer that question will be one about whoever stands to benefit most from the change. So here's an example. In February 2015, NPR aired a story about Joey, a 10-year-old boy in Gainseville, Florida, who suffered from a rare form of kidney cancer. Now when Joey was diagnosed in March 2013, the cancer had already spread to his stomach and his chest and his neck, and he went through two surgeries and five rounds of chemotherapy. None of which worked for more than a month or two. Well, eventually, he'd exhausted all the treatments available. Well, by the fall of 2014, with no remaining treatment options, the doctors told his mother, Kathy, to just take Joey home and enjoy their remaining time together. So Kathy was desperate. She said we can't just go home. For us, that means giving up. Well, then in September, the FDA approved a new drug called Keytruda, made by Merck. So Kathy called doctors across the country to find one willing to use it on a 10-year-old boy. And she found one in Cincinnati. So Kathy, her husband, their three-year-old, and Joey all packed their things in Florida and moved to Cincinnati. Now Joey got that first injection of Keytruda on October 14, over a year and a half after being diagnosed. Now the good news was that the tumors in his neck started to shrink immediately, and the ones in the rest of his body at least stabilized, but Joey was already weak when the treatment started, and the cancer had an 18-month head start. Well, six weeks later, the day before Thanksgiving, Joey passed away. Now Kathy told the reporters, if Joey could've just gotten this drug last year, even just a couple of months earlier, maybe it would've been a different story. Now when that story aired on NPR, one of the people who heard it worked at a company that had just retained me as their storytelling coach. And the industry they worked in also produced life-saving products, but that also took a notoriously long time to get to market, sometimes a decade or more. So like most of their competitors, one of the things they were working on was how to get products to market faster. But changing a complex, decade-long process is hard work. And trying to motivate the employees by telling them how much more money the company would make just wasn't working. My job was to help them develop a case for change story. And when the person in my workshop shared NPR's story of Kathy and Joey, it immediately became the basis for their story, their case for change. Now think about that. Keytruda wasn't their product, and Joey wasn't their customer, but it did become their story, or at least a fictionalized version of it because they knew the same thing was surely happening with the life-saving products that they were working on. And having a human reason to do all this hard work was a more effective motivator than higher profits and a growing stock price. So to come up with your own case for change story, start by asking yourself who stands to benefit from this change. Surely, it's good for someone or it wouldn't be a priority for the company, right? Now once you know who that is, talk to them and ask these kinds of questions, what's your life or work like today prior to making this change? What problems or frustrations do you have? Or how would your life or work be different once you implement the change? And then what are the tangible ways you know the change is working? Now sure, not everyone will have a story as compelling as Kathy and Joey because not everyone's job is curing cancer. But whatever it is that you and your company are trying to do with this change will surely benefit someone. Find them, and that will be your case for change.

why you should want to work here a recruiting story if i called you again in 5 years, what is the easiest company (from a list of 5) to place me from have you thought about quitting, but decided not to? why did you stay?

Why you should want to work here (a recruiting story) - If you've ever been to a job fair, you've seen this yourself. Go up to any of the booths and ask the recruiter why you should want to work at their company. I can tell you the answers you'll get. Competitive pay and benefits, challenging jobs, a chance to work with smart people, and great opportunities for advancement. And if the job fair's in Silicon Valley, you'll also hear about the free lunch and the foosball table in the break room. Now, then go to the next booth, and ask the same question. Right, you'll get the same answer, and that's why you need a recruiting story. After hearing about the salary and the other basics, human beings need a human reason to make a decision as important as what company to work for. That story could help them understand what it's really like to work there. It could illustrate a unique and creative way someone made the decision to take the job or it could be a surprising reason why someone chose to stay working at your company, instead of quitting like they'd planned. Now, no matter which it is, it's something that you, as the leader, can give them that's not in the brochure. Here's an example. In the spring of '93, I was just finishing my MBA. I'd already been through a dozen job interviews and was trying to decide what to do next. Now, I was fortunate that the job market was strong that year, so I ended up with several offers, and with companies like Johnson & Johnson, Unilever, and Procter & Gamble, it was going to be a tough decision. All of them had roughly the same compensation and benefits, and even the career paths and job assignments were remarkably similar. I was a bit stumped. I pulled out the phone book, and I called an executive search firm. Now, I told the first person who would talk to me that I didn't need their services yet, but that I still wanted their advice. I told the guy on the other end of the line my situation. New MBA grad, multiple job offers, etc. I gave him the names of all the companies and all the jobs and all the salaries that I'd been offered. And then I asked him this question. I said, "If I called you five years from now, "and wanted to move to a new company, "which of these companies "would you find it easiest to place me from?" And then, without hesitating, the guy said, "Oh, Procter & Gamble." I said, "Well, how can you be so sure?" He said, "Two reasons. "First, I place people into and out of all those companies "all the time. "And then after a year, "I call them up and ask them how things are going. "For the people I place out of P&G into other companies, "I consistently hear this complaint. "'It's good here, but the people just aren't as talented "as I was used to working with at P&G.' "And I rarely heard that complaint in the other direction." "And the second reason?" I asked? He said, "Because P&G is still "a promote from within company, and none of the others are. "That means they only hire people at the entry-level. "I can get you a job at any of those other companies "any time you want, but if you ever want to work at P&G, "you'll have to do it now." I started my job at P&G in June, and that three-minute phone call with a head hunter was the reason why. Now, for the next several years, anytime I found myself on the P&G recruiting team headed back to my alma mater to woo the next round of MBA graduates, I brought that story with me. Now, it certainly didn't replace the flashy PowerPoint presentations and expensive dinner budgets, and it didn't replace the talking points and list of reasons to come work at P&G, but a lot of companies give the same reasons. Having one more person on the recruiting team repeat that list doesn't help much. But the story was unique. It articulated real points of difference and it allowed the listener to consider making the same phone call I did, not just take my word for it. Okay, tips to help you craft your own recruiting story. Ask yourself, and the people you work with, these three questions. What made you want to come work here? Why do you stay? And have you ever thought about quitting, but decided not to? If so, what made you change your mind? Now, keep asking until you come across a great story. Not everyone will have one, but somebody will.

[ negotiation ] When the boss asks for a request What do you ask for something in exchange? example

[ negotiation ] "I'd love to help out. I need to think about how I'll manage the extra work and what I'll need from you to make it work. Let me get back to you with my thoughts tomorrow." make sure

active listening main goals

active listening objective is to be be present, available unplug & focus give Q's it sounds like you're saying ... what im hearing is... open ended question so that they could solve the problem listen to find the next question

difficult people is it you?

are you actually the difficult person? are you saying that "everyone is something negative"?

How to circuit break stress? 3 step training

bottom up training 1st use all 5 senses shifts state 2nd feeling 3rd thinking

When notice overwhelmed first thing to control is.. _______

breath ... control your breath and just breath

reframing the problem

change the way you characterize the problem when locked in conflict, could get locked into the cognitive biases

how does conflict trigger levels relate to capacity level of conflict?

conflict capacity scale: recent employer incident what was your trigger scale 1 -10 (highest) feelings around that trigger how much capacity do you have to brush it off/deal with it if boss takes all your work high trigger: extremely angry low capacity: but dont know how to resolve the issue let time pass to cool down the temperature role play it with a friend close the gap between trigger & capacity

3 overwhelm effects?

demands - capacity - get things done, cope with pressure perception - belief you have what it takes (adrenaline) vs cortisol (slow roll)

get out of your comfort zone convo example what if you teach what you've learned? resistance faced** it sounds like you're in between why me? and what can I let go of? what leadership shows here Cassidy? keep bringing up their personal goals, people will find their way

get out of your comfort zone what if you teach what you've learned? resistance faced** it sounds like you're inbetween why me? and what can I let go of? what leadership shows here Cassidy? keep bringing up their personal goals, people will find their way

how to reframe using them fighting words & diffusing them for workability mirror & label these below: he's not pulling his own weight he's being such a jerk today

he's not pulling his own weight to mirror: not pulling his own weight to label: it seems like you're feelinglike you're doing more than your fiar sshare he's being such a jerk today mirror: he really seems off his game today you never listen to me mirror: i never listen label: it sounds like we're talking at the same time

what are the 4 control drama that are toxic...

interrogator - borderline aggro questions aloof - common cope, acts distant, answer non commital, vague hints intimidator - feeling superior poor me - victimized

Tactical listening skills what is labeling questions?

it sounds like it feels like you are saying let me see if I got this right

what are the 3 tactical listening skills?

labeling mirroring silence

minor setbacks don't outweigh the value you bring every day. open with the mistake, go toward a better outcome

open with the mistake, go toward a better outcome example I didn't have the best quarter last year. I thought a lot about what went wrong and what I need to be successful this quarter. I need an assistant, or training, or more time to plan. move conversation from mistakes toward a good outcome

Tactical listening skills what is mirroring?

parrot: say what they say use mirroring if confused, shocked to diffuse

tactical listening skills what is silence?

so out of bounds take the temp down use silence / pause to get them to really engage

what is a network leader?

strong go to people continues to build & add to their network knows experts / secret council

you know you have your boss's trust he also needs to get it done... what do you do for leverage?

use that as leverage ask for something in return that sounds like a great project. I'll need x, y, z ( could be an assistant, a promotion, someone to take work off your plate)

what is VUCA?

volatile uncertain unpredictable complex ambigouous

Diagnostic questions begin with: [ who what where when why how ] instead of asking to the conflicted person: do you want to talk about the meeting?

what are the thoughts on how that meeting went?

how are action items questions framed?

who does what by when?