Chapter 5: Listening

Why are conflicts healthy?

1) Conflict means interdependence. 2) Conflict signals a need for change. 3) Conflict allows problem diagnosis.

Hearing

A physiological process that occurs when sound waves are processed by the central nervous system.

Demand-Withdraw Sequence

A classic dysfunctional pattern in which one party, the demander, uses complaints and criticisms to pressure another party, the withdrawer, who in turn becomes defensive and passive. Ex: Nagging woman and the quiet man.

Paraphrase

A means of checking your perceptions by stating in your own words what you think another person means.

Listening Style: People-Oriented Listening

A style of listening focused on emotions and feelings. Empathic and view listening as a way to connect with others.

Listening Style: Action-Oriented Listening

A style of listening focused on finding the answers to specific questions in order to take action.

Listening Style: Content-Oriented Listening

A style of listening focused on gaining complex, often technical information. These listeners enjoy thinking and talking about new ideas.

Listening Style: Time-Oriented Listening

A style of listening focused on staying on schedule. Often tell how much time they are willing to spend listening and may interrupt when others go on to long.

Reframing

A way of restating a conflict so that it is collaborative rather than competitive. Ex: "I want sole custody of the children" reframed to "I want us to decide what is in the best interests of the children."

Cool System

An information processing system associated with the prefrontal cortex that encourages complex, slow, rational responses.

Hot System

An information processing system located in the amygdala portion of the brain that results in simple, rapid, emotional responses to stress, threat, or danger.

Biased Perceptions

Erroneous ways of thinking about conflicts. Ex: Seeing a conflict as worse than it really is.

Gunnysacking

Failing to confront problems as they come up.

Illusion of Trasparency

Falsely assuming that we are expressing ourselves clearly and effectively and others know what we mean.

Positions

In a conflict, the initial demand that each party proposes.

Interests

In a conflict, the underlying needs or concerns of each party; addressing interests instead of positions often opens up the realm of potential solutions.

Kitchen-Sinking

Including irrelevant details in an argument.

Appreciative Listening

Listening for the sheer pleasure of the activity. Ex: Listening to music.

Discriminatory Listening

Listening to discriminate among stimuli. Ex: Listening to determine whether a speaker has just said, "she's" or "cheese." Succeed in this kind of listening by accurately recognizing message elements.

Empathic Listening

Listening to help others by allowing them to talk out their problems. Ex: Listening to a friend in trouble

Problem-Focused Listening

Listening to understand and diagnose relational problems and resolve conflicts. Ex: Listening to discern an opponents interests during conflict.

Comprehensive Listening

Listening to understand and remember information. Ex: Listening to the news to find out what is going on.

Evaluative Listening

Making judgement about the intentions and competence of sources and about the completeness of the information they offer us. Ex: Listening critically to a politician in order to judge how his/her policies affect you.

Listening Process: Responding

Offering your partner some overt indication of interest and support; it is the fourth step in the listening process.

Active Listening

Responding so that speakers know that you are listening. Ex: Maintaining eye contact, nodding and smiling, asking for clarification, and encouraging the other person are examples of behaviors associated with active listening.

Time-Outs

Short breaks that allow people engaged in conflict to cool down their emotions.

Interpersonal Conflicts

Situation that occurs whenever the goals or actions of two people are interdependent but incompatible.

Implementation Plans

Specific strategies for how to handle conflicts. Ex: Planning to ask for clarification when a partner's responses are vague.

Emotional Intelligence

The ability to process emotional information by recognizing emotions in others' faces and bodies, understanding how emotions affect thinking, knowing how emotions are connected, and being able to regulate one's own emotions.

Listening Process: Interpretation

The act of assigning meaning to stimuli that capture our attention; it is the second step in the listening process.

Listening Process: Evaluation

The act of making decisions about the accuracy and usefulness of the messages we interpret; it is the third step in the listening process.

Listening Process: Attention

The act of selectively focusing on certain communication cues while ignoring others; attention is the first step in the listening process.

Entity Theory

The belief that human nature is fixed and that understanding other people is simply a matter of uncovering predetermined traits. -Have a more difficult time resolving conflicts.

Incremental Theory

The belief that human qualities change with circumstances and that understanding other people is a matter of understanding their needs and goals, culture, and thought proccesses. -Have an easier time resolving conflicts.

Listening

The process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages; unlike hearing, listening is a social cognitive process.