Chapter 9: Managing Conflict in Relationships

win-win

An orientation toward conflict that assumes that everyone can win, or benefit, from engaging in conflict and that it is possible to generate resolutions that satisfy everyone.

lose-lose

An orientation toward conflict that assumes that nobody can win and everyone loses from engaging in conflict.

win-lose

An orientation toward conflict that assumes that one person wins at the expense of another person.

kitchen-sinking

An unproductive form of conflict communication in which everything except the kitchen sink is thrown into the argument.

passive aggression

Attacking while denying doing so; a means of covertly expressing conflict, anger, or both.

contracting

Building a solution through negotiation and acceptance of parts of proposals for resolution. Contracting usually is present in the later stages of constructive conflict.

voice response

Communicating about differences, tensions, and disagreements. One of the four responses to conflict, the voice response is active and can be constructive for people and relationships.

neglect response

Denial or minimization of problems. One of the four ways of responding to conflict, neglect is passive and tends to be destructive.

grace

Granting forgiveness or putting aside our personal need in favor of someone else's when it is not required or expected. Grace reflects generosity of spirit.

games

Interactions in which the real conflicts are hidden or denied and a counterfeit excuse is created for arguments or put-downs.

bracketing

Noting an important issue that comes up in the course of discussing other matters and agreeing to discuss it at a later time. Allows partners to stay effectively focused on a specific issue but to agree to deal with the bracketed issue later.

loyalty response

Silent allegiance to a relationship and a person when conflict exists. One of the four ways of responding to conflict, loyalty is passive and tends to be constructive.

interpersonal conflict

The expressed disagreement, struggle, or discord that exists when people who depend on each other express different views, interests, or goals and perceive their differences as incompatible or as opposed by the other.

exit response

To leave conflict either psychologically (by tuning out disagreement) or physically (by walking away or even leaving the relationship). One of four ways of responding to conflict, the exit response is active and generally destructive.