communication #6 dynamics of relationships

Trust is defined as the confidence that we can rely on someone to meet our expectations of them.

false

Information sharing is the same in all relationships.

false

Affection

A display of tender emotions and their expression in a relationship.

Stages in Family Development

Although families with children can be different from one another, they share common communication problems as their families develop. Researchers have identified three distinct phases that present communication challenges in families that have children: -families with preschool children (language development and learning) -family with school age children younger children (the outside influence on communication) -families with school age children older children ( increased conflict and issues of autonomy and control) this stage is the most difficult

Proximity

Close geographic contact.

Situation

Conditions at a certain moment in time.

Trust

Confidence that we can rely on someone else to meet our expectations of them.

Context

Every relationship exists in a physical and social setting or context. The context of a relationship includes the physical setting in which the relationship exists and the communication climate in that relationship.

Common Elements in Relationships

Every relationship is different—you might have many friends, but you probably have different relationships with each of them. You might talk a great deal with one friend and share information with that person that you don't share with anyone else. You might have another friend with whom you don't have many serious conversations, but you go places together and share many common interests. You might have acquaintances you socialize with only for certain activities, such as attending ballgames together. Researchers have identified five key factors that influence almost all relationships. These characteristics are: context, time, trust, information sharing, affection and control

The Family as a System

Families usually constitute the most important relationships in our lives. Let's begin by defining the word family. Throughout our society today, within families themselves, in state legislatures, and in our nation's courts, the concept of family is being redefined. For purposes of this discussion, we define a family broadly as a group of people who love and care for each other and share their lives with one another. In traditional families, family members are usually aware of the family's history. Today, many families consist of members who might not share a common history, race, or ethnicity. Regardless of how we define a family today, however, we can say that each family is a unique system. The actions and behaviors of each family member affect the family system as a whole. In addition, each family has its own rules, its own values and expectations of family members, and its own way of communicating among itself. Families each have their own norms about communication behavior. For example, the family might have unwritten rules about: -dont discuss religion, don't talk about that topic at dinner,

Affection and Control

Finally, we can characterize relationships in terms of two types of the behaviors we exhibit toward the other person in a relationship: affection and control. All relationships have some elements of both, and they are renegotiated often as the relationship continues and evolves. You have probably heard some relationships described as "love-hate" relationships—relationships that are volatile and can move between loving and cooperative behaviors and hostile and aggressive behaviors. affection and control

Situation

In addition to physical attractiveness, proximity, similarity, and perceived gain, other factors can influence the formation of relationships. These factors might be grouped together into a category called the situation. The term situation refers to the conditions you and the other person find yourself in at a given time. For example, you might be grieving the loss of a loved one, and a co-worker goes out of his way to be compassionate and caring at a time when you need support. Perhaps this person is someone you might not ordinarily have sought out as a friend. However, his support at this crucial time might lead to a long-term friendship between the two of you. Other situational factors can influence your attraction to others and lead to relationships: perceived reciprocity of liking, anxiety, change in self esteem, isolation (you tend to like people more if they like you and loose interest if the feeling is not mutual).

Knapp's Stages of Coming Together

In studying relationships, Mark L. Knapp proposes 10 different stages of relationship development. Five of these steps he refers to as "Coming Together," and they describe how relationships grow; the other five he calls "Coming Apart," and they describe how relationships deteriorate. In romantic relationships, the Coming Together stages can be described as follows: initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, and bonding. The first cautious attempts you make to communicate with someone. You might say "Hi," "How's it going," or make "small talk" about the weather.

Perceived Gain

It might seem crass to admit that you are attracted to other people, at times, because of what you can gain from the relationship. However, it is a simple fact that good relationships are generally reciprocal. Both parties benefit from the relationship, and they receive as much as they give. If you are a business owner or a salesperson, you might join a networking group or your local chamber of commerce because it is a great way to make business contacts. If you don't own a boat, you might join a yacht club because you have the opportunity to go sailing once in a while. You might also join a vacation travel club because of ticket discounts available to members. Whether you want to admit it or not, you often think about the perceived gain when you weigh the benefits of a relationship before entering into it.

Trust

Most relationships in your life are based on a certain degree of trust. If you hire someone to mow your lawn, you trust that the person will show up every week to do the job. If you go to work for a company, you trust that they will pay you at the end of each week. When you form an interpersonal relationship with someone, you trust that person not to harm you or to betray that trust. Trust is often linked with integrity and truthfulness, and it is gained over time through knowledge and understanding of someone and through experiences with them. When you place your trust in someone and they let you down, it can be devastating. A betrayal of trust often carries over into other relationships in our lives and affects our ability to trust others.

Reciprocal

Mutually beneficial.

Mate Selection

Over the last half century, studies have shown that men's and women's preferences for selecting a mate have changed due to changes in values that might be a result of changes in our culture. In the past, men rated physical attractiveness and domestic skills as highly desirable in a mate, whereas women ranked earning ability as most important. Our culture today places extraordinary emphasis on physical beauty, super-thin supermodels, size 2 and size 4 female celebrities, and "the sexiest man alive" contests. This focus on physical appearance has increased the importance of physical attractiveness to both men and women when looking for a mate Women have also made great strides toward achieving financial equity with men in the workplace, and our culture stirs the desire for the "latest and greatest" consumer goods. As a result, both sexes now think having good financial prospects is essential in a mate, and the importance men place on good domestic skills has fallen sharply.

Theories of Relationship Development

Regardless of whether they are romantic relationships or relationships with friends, business partners, or roommates, all our personal relationships develop in a similar way—they go through certain steps or stages. Researchers who study relationships have defined each of these stages and have found that communication between partners changes and serves a different function in each stage. In our study of relationships, we examine two such theories: The Relational Stages Model proposed by Mark L. Knapp. The Relationship Filtering Model proposed by Stephen Duck. the stages of relationships: (coming together): 1-innitiating, 2-experimenting, 3-intensifying, 4-integrating 5-bonding (coming apart): 1-defrentiating, 2-circumscribing, 3-stagnating, 4-avoiding, 5-terminating Not all relationships go through all stages, and relationships do not go through the stages at the same pace. One relationship might develop quickly and go through several stages rapidly; another relationship might take a great deal of time to develop through several stages. Another relationship might never get past one or two stages. However, for the relationship to continue, both partners must grow and change together. If they cannot do this in a way that is satisfying to both of them, the relationship will come apart

Compatibility

Similarities in interests, attitudes, or values.

communication climate

The communication climate refers to the type of communication that takes place in the relationship. Sometimes the messages people send each other when they communicate are positive and supportive. At other times, the messages can be "put downs" or defensive communications. The type of messages sent back and forth in a relationship create a positive or a negative communication climate in which people feel either valued or devalued. This climate is one of the most important characteristics in defining a relationship. However, by becoming aware of the messages we send and striving to change them, a negative communication climate can be improved.

Information sharing

The degree to which two people in a relationship discuss various topics and the depth of their discussions.

Control

The exercise of influence over some aspect of a relationship.

Context

The physical and social-psychological environment in which a relationship exists.

physical setting

The physical setting concerns the place at which the relationship takes place. For example, some relationships exist only at work; you might not interact with your co-workers outside the workplace. Other relationships might center on an activity, such as attending your child's soccer games. You might sit with the same parents at each game, but you might not have a relationship with those parents off the field.

Communication climate

The social and psychological atmosphere surrounding the relationship.

Duck's Relationship Filtering Model

The study of how people dissolve relationships, and the communication strategies they use, have been the subject of a great deal of research. As an alternative to Knapp's theory, Stephen Duck's model proposes four distinct phases that he believes occur when a relationship dissolves: (1) the intra-psychic phase= breakdown of the relationship is internal, partners are not yet speaking about the dissatisfaction they feel (2) the dyadic phase= when people confront each other and talk about their problems (3) social phase= when people seek advise from others (4) the grave dressing phase=the relationship is officially buried and each party create a narrative to explain what happened

Similarity

The way in which people are alike.

Cohesion and Adaptation

Two factors in families that influence and are influenced by communication are: cohesion= how closely connected family members are to one another adaptation= how families adapt themselves to key events that affect the family

Knapp's Stages of Coming Apart

Unfortunately, relationships not only grow and develop, they also fall apart. Stumbling blocks might begin to appear that threaten the relationship and cause the relationship to deteriorate. These stumbling blocks can also be described as occurring in five stages: differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, and terminating. When people begin to focus on their differences instead of their similarities. The couple might begin to argue more and talk about areas where they are incompatible.

Information Sharing

We stated earlier that good interpersonal relationships are reciprocal—there is a great deal of "give and take" by both parties. One type of give and take in relationships is information sharing. We usually don't share everything we know and all our deepest feelings, fears, attitudes, and beliefs with someone else, not even those who are closest to us. However, open and honest sharing of information is an important ingredient in good relationships. Not all relationships involve this type of sharing; some are guarded and little information is exchanged. Information sharing in relationships can be characterized in two ways: The variety of topics you talk about The depth of your discussions How would you characterize the relationships in your life in terms of information sharing that takes place?

Perceived gain

What you think you will obtain from a relationship.

A stage in Knapp's theory in which people seek to find common ground.

experimenting

Proximity

You are more likely to get to know people, form friendships, and perhaps have deeper relationships with people you see often. You are more likely to get to know and to form a relationship with someone who: -work in the same office, sop at same market, stops for coffee at the same time, has lunch with you, sees you regularly in other situations Studies show that one of the primary reasons you form relationships with others is simply because you see them frequently. Studies in apartment buildings, for example, show that you are more likely to form a relationship with someone whose door is opposite yours than you are with a person who lives down the hall. You have a greater chance of accidentally "running into" the person across from you than you do the person who lives farther away. Proximity is also a key factor in maintaining relationships. Although people might say that "absence makes the heart grow fonder," research indicates that saying is generally not true. When people are physically apart from each other, their relationship usually crumbles over time unless they make a concerted effort to maintain it.

Factors that Influence Relationship Development

You encounter many people in your daily life. You might come into contact with people at work, in your apartment building, at the supermarket, at social clubs, at family gatherings, in church, or at parties. What attracts you to certain people and not to others—and how do relationships develop? The findings of researchers who have studied relationship development might surprise you. You might think physical attractiveness is the most important quality people look for in a potential partner or that personality characteristics are a key criteria for wanting to know someone better. Physical attractiveness is still ranked high on many social scales and is a key factor in choosing a mate (as we will look at shortly); however, research shows other primary factors in forming relationships are: -proximity= the proximity of that person to you -similarities= similarities of interest, beliefs, and social backgrounds -perceived gain= your perceived gain from the relationship -situation= the situation in your life at the time you meet someone.

Similarity

You might have heard that "opposites attract," but sociological studies reveal that people are more likely to form relationships with people who are similar to them rather than people who are different. Compatibility is an important consideration in mate selection, but it is also important in other relationships. Some theorists believe that the more similar we are, the more effective our communication is. We have a tendency to like people who are like us and to dislike people who are different from us. One important consideration, though, is how you are similar and how you are different. Most spouses are similar in age, education, race, ethnic background, religion, and socioeconomic status. However, the 2000 U.S. census shows the number of interracial and interethnic marriages doubled since the 1980 census. Over time, shared values might be more important than shared race or ethnicity. Although similarities in the six factors listed above are important, differences in personality can attract people to each other. For example, a person who has trouble making decisions might be attracted to someone who is decisive, or someone who is speculative might be drawn to someone who is practical and "down to earth."

Affection works best when people behave in opposite ways

false

A stage in Knapp's theory in which partners physically separate.

avoiding

Similarities in interests, attitudes, or values.

compatibility

A stage in Knapp's Theory in which partners think of themselves as a couple.

integrating

What you think you will obtain from a relationship.

perceived gain

Close geographic contact.

proximity

Mutually Beneficial

reciprocal

The ways in which two people are alike.

similarity

Conditions at a certain moment in time.

situation

A stage in Knapp's theory in which partners decide to end the relationship.

terminating

A stage in Duck's model when partners begin to discuss their problems.

the dyadic phase

Time

the intensity of the relationship ( You can't get to know someone overnight. As a relationship develops over time, people get to know each other on deeper levels.) communication style (Communication style in a lengthy relationship is different from one in which the two people have known each other for only a brief period of time. In a long-standing relationship, speech becomes abbreviated. People begin to anticipate what the other person might say, and they might finish each other's sentences or share private jokes they communicate with only a word or two). investment (A relationship that has lasted for a long time doesn't offer total security, but often you work harder to maintain relationships in which you have a great deal of time invested)

A stage in Duck's model when partners seek the advice of others.

the social phase

Communication climate refers to the type of communication that takes place in relationships.

true

In stable relationships control is complementary

true

We tend to work harder to maintain relationships in which we have a great deal of time invested.

true