Exam 2

Staircase Model of Relationship Stages

- Strengths: Limitations: Compare:

Emotional Support

- emotional support is an especially consequential form of supportive communication in relationships - of all the ways relational partners can assist in times of distress, emotional support is generally the most desired and the greatest predictor of relationship satisfaction - Examples of Emotional Support: Love them. Be natural and genuine around them. Don't pull them aside and lecture them on how great they are, let it happen organically. Let them know how much you value them in your life. Listening without having an answer or solution.

Invisible Support

- suggests that support attempts that go unnoticed by recipients are the "most effective in reducing distress" and promoting good health - people want to be viewed as autonomous and capable rather than dependent and needy - receiving too much support may draw too much attention to a person's problem which distresses and lowers self-esteem of the person

Relational Closeness and Benefits

-Gender differences in closeness are important to consider -People sometimes expect women to be more affectionate and provide more social support than men - studies confirm that women are generally more nonverbally immediate than men -Men and women both achieve closeness and appreciate closeness, just in different ways -Both men and women believe that emotional communication is more important for developing close relationships than are instrumental or task-oriented skills -Females are more likely to have expressive friendships that involve using emotionally charged nonverbal and verbal communication during conversations, showing nonverbal affection, talking about fears, and shopping -Women show more trust and loyalty, more dependance on friends, and a greater tendency to discuss their relationships with friends than men -Males are more likely to have friendships that focus on companionship and shared activities

Supportive Communication

Emotional Support Invisible Support Person-Centered Messages

Role of communication in sexual relationships and relational satisfaction

Good communication about sex leads to greater sexual satisfaction, which in turn contributes to more relational satisfaction

Relationship Development Theories

How does each describe relationship development? What are the strengths and limitations in terms of how the theories compare? You do not need to memorize specific steps, etc.

Immediacy and examples of verbal and nonverbal behaviors

Immediacy is the creation of closeness, a sense of togetherness, of oneness, between speaker and listener. When you communicate immediacy you convey a sense of interest and attention, a liking for and an attraction to the other person. You communicate immediacy with both verbal and nonverbal messages. Immediacy in communication involves demonstrating behaviors that exhibit warmth and a positive openness to communication. Nonverbal -hugs -facial expressions -eye contact -pats -increased random touch

Sternberg's Triangle of Love - as a definition of love (intimacy, passion, commitment)

Includes 1) Intimacy 2) Passion 3) Commitment Pictured as sides of a triangle Liking occurs when a person experiences high levels of intimacy but relatively low levels of passion and commitment in a relationship Love occurs when intimacy combines with passion or commitment The most complete type of love, consummate love, is based on having high levels of all three components

Relational Dialectics Theory

3 Primary Tensions 1) Dialectic of Integration Internal: Connection-Autonomy External: Inclusion-Seclusion 2) Dialectic of Certainty Internal: Predictability-Novelty External: Conventionality-Uniqueness 3) Dialectic of Expression Internal: Openness-Closedness External: Revelation-Concealment Ways to Manage Tensions 1) selection - talking about the tensions in a way that values one side of the dialectic over the other 2) separation - occurs when people favor each side of the dialectic at different times 3) neutralization - occurs when couples avoid fully engaging either side of the dialectical tension 4) reframing - sophisticated strategy that involves talking about tensions so they seem complementary rather than contradictory the theory that dialectical tensions are contradictory feelings that tug at us in every relationship a perspective that emphasizes the trade-offs that create tension in close relationships holds that dialectical tensions arise when opposing or conflicting goals exist in a relationship Strengths: Limitations: Compare:

Lee's Love Styles

Lee argued that people have various ideologies when it comes to love. These ideologies can be thought of as collections of beliefs, values, and expectations about love. Lee also contended that there are six primary styles of loving: 1) Eros - romantic love (romantic lovers - sentimental, romantic, idealistic and committed) 2) Storge - friendship love (friendly lovers - stable, predictable and rooted in friendship) 3) Ludus - game-playing love (game-playing lovers - uncommitted, fun and played like a game) 4) Mania - posessive love (obsessive lovers - intense, extreme and all-consuming) 5) Agape - compassionate love (forgiving lovers - patient, selfless, giving and unconditional) 6) Pragma - practical love (practical lovers - logical, rational and founded in common sense)

Attachment Theory

Love is best conceptualized as a process of attachment, which includes forming a bond and becoming close to someone. Attachment theory stresses how interactions with others affect people's attachment styles across their lifespan. Children first learn to develop attachments through communication with caregivers. As children grow, they develop a sense of independence that is rooted in security. Communication plays a central role in the Attachment Theory. Communication is one of the key causes of attachment style. People's communication with others leads them to think about themselves and others in ways that lead them to develop particular attachment styles.

Communication Privacy Management Theory and link to boundary structures

People believe they own and have a right to control their private information They do so by using privacy rules When others are told information, they become co-owners of the information If co-owners don't effectively negotiate mutually agreeable privacy rules about telling third parties, boundary turbulence is the likely result When private information is shared, there will be a collective boundary. When private information remains with an individual and is not disclosed, the boundary is called a personal boundary. An individual's private information is protected by their boundaries.

Person-Centered Messages

Person-Centered Messages - a way to provide responsive, high-quality support - when messages are highly person-centered they acknowledge, elaborate on, and validate the feelings and concerns of the distressed person - comforting messages can be ranked as high or low in quality based on how person-centered they are - highly person-centered messages help distressed people gain a perspective on their feelings and legitimize the person's feelings "I'm so sorry to hear that. It must be so hard for you. Your aunt is such a wonderful person. And she is strong too. It sounds like they caught it early, so she'll be okay, don't you think? - moderately person-centered messages acknowledge the distressed person's feeling, but do not help the distressed person contextualize or elaborate on the situation "It will be all right. I know your aunt and she'll beat this." - low person-centered messages deny the legitimacy of the distressed person's feelings, sometimes by blaming the distressed person for the situation or by changing the topic or focused "You shouldn't be worried. It is Stage 1, so it is curable."

Sexual Scripts

Scripts are social information that is deployed in everyday interactions Cultural forces define with whom, when, where, and in what relationships sexual behavior may apparently be initiated and conducted Sexual scripts most often revolve around the initiation and acceptance or refusal of sexual advances Both men and women use persuasive strategies and scripts to initiate dating and sexual relationships These strategies typically fall into five categories: 1) hinting and indirect strategies 2) expressions of emotional and physically closeness 3) pressure and manipulation 4) anti-social acts 5) logic and reasoning

Secure, avoidant and anxious-ambivalent children

Secure - these children tend to have responsive and warm parents, to receive moderate levels of stimulation and to engage in interaction with both their caregivers - children who develop secure attachments to a caregiver are more likely to approach others and be positive toward strangers - they tend to develop positive models of self and others Avoidant - these children tend to have caregivers who are either insensitive to their signals or try too hard to please - because their caregivers are not able to fulfill their needs, they develop negative models of others - they tend to stay within themselves and are rarely positive towards strangers Anxious-Ambivalent -these children tend to be the product of inconsistent caregiver communication - sometimes the caregiver is appropriately responsive, and other times the caregiver is neglectful or overstimulating - they often have caregivers who are preoccupied with their own problems such as relational conflict, divorce, or substance abuse - instead of blaming the caregiver or the caregiver's situation for this inconsistency, they blame themselves and develop self-models of doubt, insecurity, and uncertainty

Examples of Attachment Styles affects on relational communication

Secure "I'm okay, you're okay" Conflict Behavior: most compromising and adept with problem solving Maintenance Behavior: highest level of maintenance Emotional Expression: readily expresses emotions in a direct, prosocial manner Self-Disclosure: high levels of appropriate disclosure - able to elicit disclosure from others Nonverbal Intimacy: relatively high levels of facial and vocal pleasantness, laughter, touch, and smiling Social Skill: assertive, responsive to others, able to provide effective care and comfort Preoccupied "I'm not okay, you're okay" Conflict Behavior: demanding, exhibits dominating behavior, nagging, whining Maintenance Behavior: high levels of maintenance Emotional Expression: expresses negative emotions using aggression or passive aggression Self-Disclosure: high levels of disclosure that is sometimes inappropriate or indiscriminate Nonverbal Intimacy: mix of positive and negative nonverbal cues, depending on situation Social Skill: overly sensitive, difficulty controlling emotional expression Fearful "I'm not okay, you're not okay" Conflict Behavior: accommodating, responds passively Maintenance Behavior: relatively low level of maintenance Emotional Expression: inhibits the expression of negative emotions Self-Disclosure: low levels of disclosure, especially with strangers or acquaintances Nonverbal Intimacy: relatively low levels of facial and focal pleasantness, expressiveness, and smiling Social Skill: trouble expressing self and being assertive - exhibits anxiety cues such as lack of fluency and long response latencies Dismissive "I'm okay, you're not okay" Conflict Behavior: withdrawing, less accommodating, more interrupting Maintenance Behavior: less maintenance overall, especially less romance and assurances Emotional Expression: experiences and expresses emotions (negative and positive) the least Self-Disclosure: low levels of self disclosure Nonverbal Intimacy: relatively low levels of facial and vocal pleasantness, expressiveness, and smiling Social Skill: trouble expressing self and comforting others

Attachment Styles

Secure (Positive Model of Others, Positive Model of Self) - "I'm okay, you're okay" - is self-sufficient - is comfortable with intimacy - wants interdependent relationships Dismissive (Negative Model of Others, Positive Model of Self) - "I'm okay, you're not okay" - is counter-dependent - is uncomfortable with intimacy - sees relationships as nonessential Preoccupied (Positive Model of Others, Negative Model of Self) - "I'm not okay, you're okay" - is overly involved and dependent - wants excessive intimacy - clings to relationships Fearful-Avoidant (Negative Model of Others, Negative Model of Self) - "I'm not okay, you're not okay" - wants approval from others - is fearful of intimacy - sees relationships as painful

Sexual Coercion

Sexual coercion occurs when an individual pressures or forces another to engage in sexual activity or generally unacceptable practices, with physical force the most unacceptable Verbal insistence is the most common and least aversive method of coercion

Some similarities and differences for same sex couples and heterosexual couples

Similarities: Differences:

Norm of Reciprocity in Self-Disclosure

The norm of reciprocity is the expectation that people will respond favorably to each other by returning benefits for benefits, and responding with either indifference or hostility to harms. Reciprocity is a positive response from the person with whom one is sharing information, whereby the person who received the disclosure self-discloses in turn. Self-disclosure usually influences whether two people will want to interact again.

The relationship between sexual satisfaction and relational satisfaction

The relational orientation suggests to that established couples use sexual interaction to express love, attraction, and desire to one another The most important predictor of sexual satisfaction is NOT how often couples have sex - frequency of sex is not as important as the quality of the sex and the match between two people's needs during sexual activity Sexual satisfaction is NOT the best predictor of relational satisfaction in most relationships "Neither the quality nor the quantity of sex might be as important as the other non-sexual forms of intimacy in the prediction of relationship satisfaction including expressed affection and supportive communication

UNI Student Conduct Code on sexual misconduct - what is the bottom line?

There must be clear consent from both parties

Social Penetration Theory

a theory suggesting that disclosures in a relationship become increasingly intimate as the relationship develops a theory that predicts that as relationships develop, communication increases in breadth and depth theory that proposes relationships develop through increases in self-disclosure -The manner in which self disclosure occurs. holds that relationships develop though systematic changes in communication. moves forwards by increasing 1) breadth: variety of topics discussed 2) depth: the personal significance of the topics -As partners get closer, they move through five stages: 1) orientation 2) exploratory affective exchange 3) affective exchange 4) stable exchange 5) social de-penetration -social penetration for people is like peeling the layers of an onion Strengths: Limitations: Compare:

Turning Points in Relationships

a transformative event that alters the relationship in some way Strengths: Limitations: Compare:

Some risks and benefits associated with Self-Disclosure

the process of revealing personal information to someone else -one of the defining characteristics of intimacy The more people self-disclose to each other, the more they like each other. The more people like each other, the more they tend to self-disclose to each other. Benefits - Risks Fear of Exposure or Rejection Fear of Retaliation or Response Fear of Loss of Individuality Fear of Loss of Control

The Dyadic Effect

the tendency for us to return another's self-disclosure with one that matches it in level of intimacy the reciprocal nature of self-disclosure: "You disclose to me, and I'll disclose to you." The initial stages of a relationship entails that self-disclosure is usually reciprocal. When it is not, a relationship is less likely to develop. It is affected by whether it is directed v.s. non-directed self disclosure as well as the delays in reciprocation. A reciprocal pattern of self-disclosure that occurs when a person reveals information and his or her partner responds by offering information that is at a similar level of intimacy.

Cognitive Valence Theory

theory that explains the process of intimacy exchange within a dyad relationship A theory that builds on expectancy violations theory by specifying additional factors- including perception of the violation, arousal level, and relevant cognitive schemata- that help explain reactions to violations includes perception, physiological arousal, and a variety of cognitive schema as leading to reciprocal or compensatory responses A theory that predicts how and why people respond to increases in immediacy.