Family Rituals

4. The Christmas Coordinator

5. Same Time Next Year

5. Be My Valentine

;)

IV. The Spiritual Power of Rituals

A. Rituals in the Gospel B. Ordinance rituals used to teach us (key concept) Meant to bind us to our Eternal Father C. Power in family rituals to bind us to our families Temple Sealing

3. Community Service Rituals

If TV diminishes family rituals in both home and community, then becoming intentional about its use may be the first order of business for Intentional families.

2. Let's Eat Out

If family members can come and go from a ritual, it loses its coordination and its opportunity for bonding

Couple rituals need vigilant attention to secure

marital connection and satisfaction.

Holidays provide a natural, but sometimes challenging,

opportunity to strengthen families through rituals.

A spiritual perspective of family rituals adds another level of

power to this compelling principle.

Rituals related to family recreation can be developed and maintained to

strengthen the family though these rituals may include the difficulty of concentrated family time.

Going Out and Going Away

...

1. I'll Be Home for Christmas

2. United We Stand, United We Get Irritated

Weddings and Funerals

2. Whose Wedding Is it Anyway? 3. Intentional Weddings

Couple Rituals

Courting couples generally are far more intentional than married couples.

Special Person Rituals: Birthdays, Mother's and Father's Day

Compare Special Person Rituals and examine how these might cause conflict in a marriage.

2. Intentional and Intimate Birthday Rituals Ritual growth

Even very rewarding new rituals can easily fall prey to entropy, and it helps when all family members are willing to take leadership in calling the family back to its rituals.

2. From Social Activities to Community Rituals

Making a commitment to community rituals is difficult for families in a society that encourages people to do their own things.

1. The Male-Female Problem

Men tend to work consciously on an intimate relationship when pursuing a commitment or salvaging one. Women, on the other hand, tend to see marriage as requiring more maintenance. And baby makes three

2. Love's Labor—Lost?

Teamwork In addition to the burden on the host, the problem with one person doing all the Thanksgiving work is that it violates on of the canons of good family rituals: maximum participation.

4. Who's on First?

The Family Dynamics of Going Out **Changing the dynamics

Intentional Single Parents and Remarried Families 1. Recasting Family Rituals after a Divorce

The first challenge for single-parent families is to see themselves as real families, not just as pieces of a family. a. Maintaining continuity with the rituals that were working well before. b. Modifying the rituals that no longer work in their original form. c. Creating new rituals for the new family.

Community and Religious Rituals 1. Bowling Alone

The good news is that we are more free to create our communities. The bad news is that most of us are unsure how in a society that splinters more than unites.

1. Third Time's the Charm

The great thing about regular rituals of connection is that they are there; you don't need a special reason to get together.

3. On the Road Again

The keys to making a going-out activity a genuine ritual are that family members do the activity together on a regular basis, that they know their roles and place in the activity, and that there is some feeling of connection. -Upgrading outings to rituals

3. Mother's Day Who's in charge

The main challenge on Mother's Day is who is going to take responsibility for the ritual, because in most families the mother generally orchestrates the family's rituals.

2. The Delicate Art of Creating or Changing Family Rituals

The most immediate challenge you face when recommending new or different rituals is that your relatives might see you as trying to control the family unilaterally. a. Direct route i. Choose a peaceful moment for the discussion. ii. Explain that you would like to discuss a specific family ritual. iii. Express your feelings or needs related to the ritual. iv. Invite others to share their own feelings, needs, and thoughts about the ritual. v. Offer your ideas tentatively, rather than definitively. vi. Negotiate a trail run of a new or modified ritual that balances everyone's needs. vii. Agree to follow up to determine how everyone likes the new or modified ritual.

4. Families and Religious Rituals of Community

The most widely available source of family rituals of community is a church, synagogue, or mosque. a. Overcoming barriers b. Do I have to go? c. Healing rituals for families and religious communities

Principles for Managing Family Rituals

a. Adult agreement b. Eventual buy-in from the children c. Maximum participation d. Clear expectations e. Minimal conflict f. Protection from erosion g. Openness to change

4. Graceful Entrance

a. Bottom's up b. For what we are about to receive

6. Have Yourself an Intentional Little Christmas

a. Expect the traditional difficulties b. Plan for the bad moments c. Leopards may change their spots d. Get the Christmas coordinator a supporting cast e. Slowly involve the Christmas abstainer f. Honor traditions, but experiment with change g. Discuss gift exchange expectations in advance h. Create new Christmas rituals in single-parent families or stepfamilies i. Don't be alone

2. Talk to Me

a. Hot and cold talks and walks b. Less often is more A daily talk ritual is not essential to a good marriage, but it is the surest antidote to marital entropy.

Becoming a More Intentional Family 1. Evaluating Your Family Rituals

a. Is a ritual missing where you would like one to be? b. What is the current ritual lacking? c. Is there too much responsibility placed on one family member? d. Are family members achieving a balance between individual time and family time? e. Is an underlying family problem hurting the ritual?

5. The Endless Highway: Family Vacations

a. Making the most of vacation time The two principal challenges of family vacations are how to plan them and how to handle the concentrated time together. b. Planning principles c. Out of the mouths of babes All lengthy family rituals involve irritability

4. Did You Forget Our Anniversary

a. No how-to for anniversaries b. Talk about the fact that the anniversary is approaching c. Plan a special date or trip d. Remind their children and others about the anniversary e. Ceremonially wish each other a happy anniversary f. Spend some time talking about their history and future together

3. Are You Free Saturday Night?

a. No, you decide b. He said, she said

1. Happy Birthday to You

a. Not so happy birthdays b. How old are you now c. It's your party We must be particularly intentional about rituals such as adult birthdays that have such different meanings for people. Sometimes the Golden Rule needs a twist: Do no for others what you would have them do for you-find out first what they want.

5. The Intentional Funeral

a. Reestablish relationships b. Identification with the deceased c. Affirmation of values d. Relief of guilt e. Rehabilitation f. Religious observance g. Emotional support

1. Whose House, Whose Turkey?

a. The moveable feast The first step toward being intentional about Thanksgiving is to be deliberate about where you celebrate it.

2. Remarriage and Family Rituals

a. The second time around b. Are you talking to me? c. Stepparent-stepchild rituals d. One for all

3. 'Tis Better to Give—and Receive

a. The wrapping rule b. The decoration rule c. The gathering rule d. The dinner rule e. The gift selection rule f. The scaling rules g. The fitness rules h. The reciprocity rule i. It's the thought that counts j. Another opening, another show

New family rituals can be introduced

directly, indirectly, or through discovery

b. Indirect method

i. Make something happen one time without major comment. ii. Ask how others liked the new activity and if they would like to make it part of the family's ritual in the future. iii. Negotiate the specifics of the new ritual.