Health and Nutrition Chapter 4 notes

Strategies to for conflict resolution

1. Clarify the issue - Take responsibility for thinking through feelings and discovering whats really bothering you. Agree that one will speak first and have a chance to speak fully while the other listens. Put yourself in their shoes and ask questions to clarify 2. Find out what each person wants - Ask your parter to express their desires. Don't assume you know and don't speak for them 3. Determine how you both can get what you want - Come up with a variety of options 4. Decide how to negotiate - Work out a plan for change. Be willing to compromise and avoid trying to "win" 5. Solidify the agreement - go over the plan, write it down to ensure that you both understand and agree to it 6. Review and renegotiate - Decide on a time frame for trying out your plan and set a time to discuss how its working. Make adjustments if needed.

Qualities in strong families

1. Commitment - the family is very important to its members. Sexual fidelity between partners is included 2. Appreciation - Family members care about one another and express their appreciation. the home is a positive place for family members 3. Communication - Family members spend time listening to one another and enjoying one another company. They talk about disagreements and attempt to solve problems 4. Time together - family members do things together often simple activities that don't cost money 5. Spiritual wellness - The family promotes sharing, love, and compassion for other human beings 6. Stress and crisis management - when faced with illness, death, martial conflict, or other crises, family members pull together, seek help, and use other coping strategies to meet the challenge

Sexual Orientation

A consistent pattern of emotional and sexual attraction based on biological sex; it exists along a continuum that ranges from exclusive heterosexuality(attraction to people of the other sex) through bisexuality (attraction to people of both sexes) to exclusive homosexuality ( attraction to people of ones owns sex)

Parenting

According to experts, no one action to decision (within limits) will determine a child's personality or development. Instead parenting style, or overall approach to parenting is most important

Infatuation

An idealizing, obsessive attraction, characterized by a high degree of physical arousal

Straight

Attraction to people of the other sex; heterosexual

Safe and positive online relationships

Avoid sexual oriented websites. More for casual sex than building a relationship. Inspect each site throughly before registering. If uncomfortable with site close and clear the website. Know what your looking for as well as what you can offer. Don't post photos unless you are completely comfortable with potential consequences. Don't give out personal information including full name, school, or place of employment until you are sure that they are trustworthy. Set up an email account for dating related emails.

Conflict and Conflict resolution

Conflict is natural. No matter how close people become they remain separate individuals with their own needs, desires, past experiences and ways of seeing the world. The closer the relationship the more differences and opportunities for conflict. Conflict can indicate the relationship is growing. But if handled wrong conflict can damage and ultimately destroy the relationship. Conflict is accompanied by anger (natural emotion and difficult to handle) If expressed aggressively, can create distrust, fear, and distance. Can cause conflict to escalate. if we suppress anger it turns into resentment and hostility. Best way to handle anger is to recognize it as a symptom that requires and attention and needs to be changed. Should exercise restraint to prevent abusiveness. Best time to express is when your not boiling with strong emotions

Emotional Intelligence

Factors include self awareness, self discipling, and empathy. They key to EL is reaching skill of mindfulness(the ability to dispassionately observe thoughts and feelings as they occur) Not judging or acting on emotions can make more measured, wise, skillful responses. Helpful in argument and conflict.

Competitiveness

If one parter feels to compete and win, it can detract from the sense of connectedness, interdependence, equality, and mutuality. Same with perfectionist who need to be right in every argument. If this is a problem, as whats more important your need to win or your partners feelings or the future of the relationship. Accept that your partners views may be just as valid and important to your partner as your own views are to you.

Unhealthy relationships

If relationship lacks love and respect with little value on time spent together may be time to get professional help or end the relationship. If communication include criticism, contempt, defensiveness and withdrawal despite efforts to repair relationship may be salvageable.

Cohabitation

Living together in a sexual relationship without being married

Love, Sex and Intimacy

Love is the most basic and profound human emotions. Its a powerful force in all intimate relationships. Love encompasses opposites: affection and anger, excitement and boredom, stability and change, bonds and freedom. Love does not give perfect happiness but gives us more meaning in our lives

Becoming a parent

Martial roles become more traditional with the arrival of the new baby. The father typically becomes the primary provider and protector and the mother typically becomes the primary nurturer. Research indicates that mothers have to make greater changes in there lives than fathers do. Although men today spend more time caring for their infants than ever before, woman still take the ultimate responsibility for the baby. Women are usually the ones who make job changes.

Choosing a parter

Most people select partners for a long term relationship through a fairly predictable process. First attraction is based on easily observable characteristics(looks, dress, social status, reciprocated interest) Studies have shown that most people pair up with some who: lives in the same geographic area, Comes from similar ethnic and social economic background, Has similar educational status, Leads a lifestyle like theirs, Has(what they think is) the same level of physical attractiveness to themselves.

To resolve conflict...

Partners have to feel safe in voicing disagreements. They have to trust that the discussion wont get out of control, they wont be abandoned, and the partner wont take advantage of their vulnerability. Partners should follow some basic around rules when they argue, avoiding ultimatums, resisting the urge to give the silent treatment, refusing to "hit below the belt" and not using sex to smooth over disagreements

Listening

Requires that we spend more time and energy trying to fully understand another person "story" and less time judging, evaluating, blaming, advising, analyzing or trying to control. Empathy, warmth, respect, and genuineness are qualities of skillful listeners. Attentiveness listening encourages partners to share more and in turn to be attentive listeners. To connect with other people and develop real emotional intimacy, listening is essential.

The role of commitment

Studies show that commitment brings stability and is essential to overcome the inevitable up and downs in a relationship. It is based on conscious choice rather than on feelings. It is promise of a shared future promise to be together come what may. No matter how they feel committed partners put effort and energy into a relationship. They take time to attend to their partners, give compliments, and deal with conflict when necessary. Commitment has become an important concept in recent years. To many people commitment is the most important part of a relationship

Developing Intimate Relationships

Successful relationships depend on a belief in ourselves and the people around us. Must be willing to share ideas, feelings, time, and needs to accept what others want to give in return

Attachment

The emotional tie between an infant and his or her caregiver or between two people in an intimate relationship

Communication

The key to developing and maintaining intimate relationships is good communication. Miscommunication creates frustration and distances us from our friends and partners.

Best predictors of a happy marriage

The partners have realistic expectations about their relationship, Each feels good about the personality of the other, Partners develop friendships with other couples, They communicate well, They have effective ways of resolving conflicts, They agree on religious/ethical values, They have an egaliteraian role relationship, They have a good balance of individual versus joint interest and leisure activities

Communication skills

Three skills essential to good communication in relationship are self disclosure, listening and feed back.

Friendship

Through them we learn about tolerance, sharing, and trust. Friendships usually include the following characteristics: Companionship, Respect, Acceptance, Help, Trust, Loyalty, Mutuality, Reciprocity. Friendships tend to last longer than intimate partnerships

Non verbal communication

We send messages when we look at someone or look away, lean forward or sit back smile or frown. Important forms are touch, eye contact, and proximity.

Unequal or premature commitment

When one person become serious about an inmate relationship it can be difficult to maintain it without someone feeling hurt. Couple can make a premature commitment causing second thoughts breaking the relationship. Eventually recognition of something wrong but each afraid to tell the other. May be painful but necessary to resolve the problem by honest and sensitive communication

Balancing time together and apart

You may enjoy time together but also time alone or with friends. If time apart is interpretation of rejection or lack of commitment it can damage the relationship. Talk about what time apart means and share your feelings about what you expect from the relationship during time together. Consider your partners feelings to try to each and compromise that satisfies both

Feedback

a constructive response to another's self disclosure. Giving positive feedback means acknowledging that the partners feeling are valid no matter how upsetting or troubling. and offering self disclosure in response. Self disclosure and feedback can open the door to change., where as other responses block communication and change.

The befits of Marriage

affection, personal affirmation, companionship, sexual fulfillment, and emotional growth. Provides a setting in which to raise children, although an increasing number of couples choose to remain childless, people can choose to raise children without being married. Marriage is also important for providing for the future. By committing themselves to a relationship, people establish themselves with life long companions as well as some insurance for their later years. Research shows that good marriages have myriad positive effect on individuals health

Authoritative parents

are high in both demadningness and responsiveness. They set clear boundaries and expectations, but they are also loving, supportive, and attuned to their children's needs

Authoritarian parents

are high in demandingness and low in responsiveness. They give orders and expect obedience, giving very little warmth or consideration to their children special needs

Permissive parents

are high in responsiveness low in demadingness. The do not expect their children to act maturely but instead allow them to follow their own impulses. They are very warm, patient, and accepting and they are focused on not stifling their child's innate creativity

Uninvolved parents

are low in both demandingness and responsiveness. They require little from their children and respond with little attention, frequency, or effort. In extreme cases, this style pf parenting might reach a level of child neglect

Step families

are significantly different from primary families and should not be expected to duplicate the emotions and relationships of primary families. Research has shown that healthy stepfamilies are less cohesive and more adaptable than healthy primary families; they have a greater capacity to allow for individual differences and accept that biologically related family members will have emotionally closer relationships. Stepfamilies gradually gain more of a sense of being family as they build history of shared daily experiences and major life events

Economic difficulties

are the primary problem for single mothers, especially for unmarried mothers who have not finished high school and have a difficulty finding work. Divorced mothers usually experience as sharp drop in income the first few years on their own but if they have job skills or education usually can eventually support themselves and their children

Mindfulness

can be cultivated by paying more attention to the operation of our minds, slowing down our lives to make detailed observations, and staying in the moment during day to day activities. We have limited control over external events but can ability to discipline, focus, and train our minds. Practicing mindfulness and developing EL will improve your sense of self and the quality in relationships. May result in peace of mind.

Healthy sense of self

factors include a positive self-concept (how you perceive yourself) healthy self esteem (how you feel about your self) affirmative self-concept (how you value your self) Each of these factors allows us to love and respect others

Self disclosure

involves revealing personal information to we ordinary wouldn't reveal because of the risk involved. Usually increases feelings of closeness and moves the relationship to a deeper level of intimacy. Friends disclose the most, string feelings, expectancies, hopes and disappointments. Married couples sometimes share less and may make unwarranted assumptions because they think they already know everything about each other

Singlehood

is being views as a legitimate alternative to marriage. Education and careers are delaying the age at which young people are marring. The median age for marriage is now 28.2 years for men and 26.1 years for women. People are living with parents as completing education, seek jobs, or strive for financial independence. Single people live together without being married. Gays who can't married are counted among the single population. High divorce rates mean more single singles these people are negative about marriage and positive about single hood. Being single does not mean living without the benefit of close relationships. Single people date, enjoy active and fulfilling social live and have a variety of sex

Living together

is one of the most rapid and dramatic social changes that has occurred in our society. By age 30 half of all men and women are cohabited. Factors include: greater acceptance of premarital sex, increased avaliblity of contraceptives, the tendency for people to wait longer before marriage, and larger pool of single and divorced individuals. Advantages include: greater sense of autonomy, not bound by the social rules and expectations that are part of marriage, may find it easier to keep their identities and more of their independence. Cohabitation doesn't incur the same obligations as marriage. May leave relationship easier. By living together has drawbacks too. In many cases legal protections of marriage are absent such as health insurance benefits and property inheritance rights

Jealousy

is the angry, painful response to a partners real, imagined, or possible involvement with a their person. Some people think jealousy proves the love but its actually a sign of insecurity and possessiveness

Same Sex partnerships

regardless of sexual orientation, most people look for love in a committed relationship. Gay couples have many similarities with straight couples. Most gay men and lesbians experienced at last one long term relationship. Like any intimate relationship same sex partnerships provide intimacy, passion, and security. Same sex tend to be more egalitarian (equal) and less organized around traditional gender roles. They put greater emphases on partnership than on role assignment. Domestic tasks are shared or split and both partners usually support themselves financially. .

In recent years...

traditional dating has given way to a more casual form of getting together in groups. Two people may begin to spend more time together, but often with other couples or groups. If sexual involvement develops, it is more likely to be based on friendship, respect, and common interest than on expectations related to gender roles. In this model, mate election may progress from getting together to living together to marriage

Divorce

usually begins with an emotional separation. Often one partner is unhappy and looks for a more satisfying relationship. Dissatisfaction increases until the unhappy partners decided they can no longer stay. Physical separation follows, although it may take them for the relationship to be over emotionally. Except for death of the spouse or family member, divorce may be the greatest stress-producing event in life