How To Keep A Conversation Going (With Examples)

Avoid asking too many questions in a row (2)

I compiled the questions above as a list for your reference. However, you don't want to interview the other person — you want to have a conversation. In between these questions, share relevant things about yourself. The conversation might take off in any direction, far away from the timeline.

Look around you for inspiration

Pair an observation with a question. For example, if you are talking to someone at a wedding, you could say, "This is such a beautiful venue for a wedding ceremony! How do you know the couple?" Even a plain space can kick start a conversation. For example, let's say you're in a boring, white conference room waiting for a meeting to start. You could say, "I sometimes think conference rooms should be a bit friendlier. If I had the chance, I'd put a sofa there [points], maybe a nice coffee machine...it could be a cool space actually!" This could start a discussion about interior design, coffee, furniture, or workspaces in general.

Have a beginner's mind (1. 2c)

When someone starts talking about a topic that is totally alien to you, take advantage of the fact you have no background knowledge. Ask them some beginners' questions. They can start a great conversation, and the other person will feel as though you really care about their interests. Good beginners' questions include: * "What exactly does [their hobby or field] involve?" * "How do you/how did you learn [their skill]?" * "What do people struggle with most when they start out?" * "What's your favorite thing about [their hobby or field]?"

Avoid coming on too strong

Whenever someone's too eager to talk, they come off as a bit needy. As a result, people are more reluctant to talk to them. I've been guilty of this mistake myself. But you don't want to go too far in the opposite direction and appear standoffish. Try to be proactive (as we've discussed in this guide), but don't rush it. If you're talking to a colleague at work or someone you'll meet repeatedly, there's no need to hit them with lots of questions. You can get to know someone and share things about yourself over the coming days and weeks.

Ask for advice or a recommendation (2)

Asking someone for advice about a topic they love is a good way to start a conversation about their interests. The conversation will also be enjoyable for you because you'll get some useful information. For example: * "By the way, I know you're really into tech. I need to upgrade my phone soon. Are there any models you'd recommend?" * "It sounds like you're a really keen gardener, right? Do you have any tips for getting rid of aphids?"

Return to a previous topic

Conversations don't have to be linear. If you hit a dead-end, you can take a few steps backward and talk about something the other person mentioned in passing.

Balance between sharing and asking questions (2)

To find a good balance between sharing and asking questions, you can try the IFR-method. IFR stands for: 1. Inquire - Ask a sincere question 2. Follow-up - Ask a follow-up question 3. Relate - Share something about you to break up your questions and keep the conversation balanced

Make and test assumptions (3)

1. For example, if you are talking to a motorcycle enthusiast, it makes sense to ask them questions about bikes or biking. But you can go a step further. Ask yourself, "What does this interest of theirs suggest about them? What else might they like or enjoy?" 2. In this case, you might guess that someone who loves biking might also like: * Road trips/travel * High-energy/extreme sports * Aspects of biker culture aside from riding, such as tattoos 3. You don't have to ask them direct questions about these topics. You can weave them into the conversation in a natural, low-key way. For instance, instead of saying, "So, do you have any tattoos?" or "You like bikes, does that mean you like tattoos?" you could talk about tattoos you'd like to get (if it's true) or a cool tattoo you saw on someone else. If your assumption is correct, they will happily go along with the topic.

Find mutual interests to talk about (3)

1. To get a conversation going past the small talk, you sooner or later need to find a mutual interest to talk about. That's why I ask questions or mention things I think people might be interested in. What do you think the person you talk about might like to talk about? Literature, health, technology, arts? Luckily, we can often make assumptions about what someone might be interested in and bring it into the conversation. 2. If you read a lot, you could say, "I just finished this book called Shantaram. Do you read a lot?" If you don't get a positive response, try asking about something else or mentioning something else at a later time. So if you mention books, but the other person doesn't seem interested, you could say, "I finally got around to seeing Blade Runner. Are you into sci-fi?" Why are mutual interests so powerful to get a conversation going? Because when you find one, you'll get that special connection that you only get with people you share interests with. At this point, you can leave small talk behind and discuss something you both really enjoy

Tell a story

Brief, interesting stories can make a conversation livelier and help other people get to know you better. Have two or three stories ready to tell. They should be easy to follow and portray you as a relatable human being.

Be genuinely interested

Don't ask for the sake of asking questions - ask them so you can get to know someone! Here's how to get a conversation going: show a genuine interest in people.

Mirror their question

If someone asks you a question, it's likely that they would be happy to talk about the same topic. For example: Them: What do you like to do on weekends? You: I usually hang out with friends every Friday and play board games. Sometimes a few of us will take a hike or go see a movie on Saturdays. The rest of the time, I like to read, spend time with my family, or try out new recipes. What about you?

Prepare topics in advance (2)

If you are going to a social event and know who will be there, you can prepare a few conversation topics and questions in advance. For example, if you are going to a friend's party and know that they have invited a lot of their old medical school friends, there's a good chance that you'll meet some doctors. You could prepare a few questions about what it's like to work as a doctor, how they chose their career, and what they most enjoy about their job.

Stay positive (1,2B)

If you criticize someone else's interests, they probably won't want to talk to you, and the conversation might become awkward. Instead of criticizing, try the following: * Challenge yourself to find out why the person likes their hobby so much. There might be more to their interest than you think. * Try to find some common ground. For example, if someone talks about their love of horse riding and you find it boring, you could broaden the topic and start talking about outdoor sports as a general topic. From there, you could talk about nature, keeping fit, or environmental issues

Face the other person and keep eye contact (1,2,3c)

If you feel uncomfortable or don't like being around people, you might intuitively look or turn away from the person you're talking to. The problem is that people interpret this as disinterest or even dishonesty,[1] which means they won't want to invest in the conversation. Make sure to do the following, To really signal that you're listening, be sure to: * Face the person * Keep eye contact as long as the person is talking * Give feedback like nods and "hmm's"

Stay well-informed (2)

Taking 10 minutes every day to skim the news and the latest social media trends can help you out if a conversation dries up. Read a few obscure or amusing stories too. If you are generally well-informed, you'll be able to have a serious or light-hearted conversation, depending on the context.

Use the FORD rule (2)

Talk about Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams. These are safe topics that work in most situations. To me, family, occupation, and recreation are topics for small talk. The really interesting conversations are about passions, interests, and dreams. But you need to make small talk before people are comfortable enough to dive deeper into more fascinating topics.

Say whatever is on your mind (2)

This technique is sometimes called "blurting" and is the opposite of overthinking. When you are trying to think of something to say, go for the first thing that comes to mind (unless it is offensive). Try not to worry about coming off as clever or witty. If you pay attention to people making conversation, you'll notice that most of the things they say are quite mundane - and that's OK. You don't always want to blurt things out. However, doing it as an exercise for a period of time can help you overthink less.

Ask follow-up questions (2)

To show that you actually care about how someone answers your questions, follow up with further questions. When our conversations die out, it's usually because we don't come off as sincere and interested enough.

Ask open-ended questions Close-ended questions invite only two possible answers: yes or no. Examples of closed-ended questions: * How are you today? * Was work good? * Was the weather nice? Open-ended questions, on the other hand, ___

encourage longer answers. Examples of open-ended questions: * What have you been up to today? * What did you do at work today? * What's your ideal kind of weather?