I-Language vs. You-Language

2) Emotional Description

to the state the emotion you felt when the behavior occurred. In doing so, be sure that you choose a word that accurately expresses how you felt, such as "Im feeling pressured," or "Im feeling overwhelmed."

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Figure 9.3 and the example

You-language

The receiver may hear your message as criticism, which may feel like a threat to the relationship, which in turn may promote defensiveness in the receiver. -Because it tends to cast blame on the other person.

Component of an Effective I-Statment: 1) Behavioral Description

clear, specific, and factual description of a person's behavior. Ex: if you're temped to tell a significant other "You,re too clingy!" the first step in replacing this you-statement with an I-statement is to describe exactly what the other person is doing that is bothering you. -Key element for effective I: if you exaggerate or use judgmental or abstract language (vague) in your behavioral description, you're setting yourself up for disagreement or even argument.

3) Consequence

the impact the behavior has on you, or will have on your own thnkng or actions, or in other words, why is it an issue for you. "I think our relationship might be moving too fast" "That's why I haven't been returning your calls"

I-language

the remedy comes in the form of a type of language. It takes responsibility for the impact the other person's behavior has on you, rather than simply scolding or casting blame.