Interpersonal communication Ch. 9 Conflict

Conflict Management Skills

-Attend to the relationship level of meaning -Communicate supportively -Listen mindfully -Own your feelings, thoughts and issues -Check perceptions -Look for points of agreement -Look for ways to preserve the other's face -Imagine how you will feel in the future

The Early Stages

-Communication confirm each other by recognizing and acknowledging each other;s concerns and feelings

The Early Stages

-Communication that fails to confirm individuals -Cross-complaining: when one person's complaint is met by a counter-complaint -Establishes a negative climate

The Later Stages

-Counterproposals: resolving the conflict on your own terms rather than taking the other person's proposals into account -Self-summarizing: occurs when a person keeps repeating what she or he had already said.

The Middle Stages

-Kitchen-sinking: when people throw everything in a an argument resulting in a mass of grievances that are overwhelming to deal with -Frequent interruptions

The Middle Stages

-Stay focused on main issues (agenda building) -bracketing -Don't interrupt except for clarification -recognize and acknowledge each others point of view

Guidelines for Effective Communication during Conflict

-focus on the overall communication system -Time conflict purposefully -Aim for win-win conflict -Honor yourself, your partner, and the relationship -show grace when appropriate

Principles of Conflict

1.) Conflict is natural in most Western relationship 2.) Conflict may be expressed overtly of covertly -overt conflict: out in the open and explicit; exist when people deal with their difference in a direct, straightforward manner. -Cover conflict: exists when people express their feelings about disagreements directly. --> Passive aggression: occurs when individuals act aggressively, but deny feeling or acting aggressive -->Games: when real conflicts are hidden or denied and a counterfeit excuse is created for arguing or criticizing. 3.) Social groups shape the meaning of conflict behaviors -Cultural differences regarding conflict -->mainstream culture in the US emphasized assertiveness and individuality, so many Americans are competitive and reluctant to give into others. ->In more communal societies, people have less individualistic perspectives and are less likely to focus on winning conflicts. -Differences among social communities --> religion, gender, sexual orientation, and race/ethnicity may influence orientation toward conflict. 4.)Conflict can be managed well or poorly -depending on how we handle disagreements, conflict can either promote continuing closeness or tear a relationship apart 5.) Conflict can be good for individuals and relationships -provide opportunities for us to grow as individuals -enlarges partners understanding of one another

Lose-Lose

Assumes that conflict results in losses for everyone ad that it is unhealthy and destructive for relationships.

Win-Lose

Assumes that one person wins at the expense of the other

Win-Win

Assumes that there are usually ways to figure it out

Avoidance

Characterized by trying to dodge the conflict by ignoring or changing the topic, being vague about positions of preferences, or using joking to respond to a challenge, threat, or disagreement. *lose-lose

Competition

Characterized y aggressive and uncooperative behavior that pursue the competing person's own agendas at the expense of the others. -enacts the conviction that conflict is a win/lose game of a battleground *win-lose

The Later Stages

Contracting: working to take parts of each proposal put on the table to agree upon a solution everyone can accept

Conflict style (TKI)

Each style has a certain level of assertiveness and cooperativeness. -Avoidance -Accommodation -Competition -Compromise -Collaboration

Responses to conflict:

Exit: to leave conflict, either psychologically or physically. -Win-Win -Lose-Lose Neglect: Denial or minimization of problems, disagreements, anger, tension, or other matters that could lead to overt conflict. -passive -Lose-Lose -Win-Lose Loyalty: silent allegiance to a relationship and a person when conflict exists. (accommodators) -Win-Lose Voice: Communicating about differences, tensions and disagreements.

ExInterpersonal Conflict

Expressed tension between people who are interdependent, perceive they have incompatible goals, and feel a need to resolve those differences

Accommodation

Happens when a person puts away his or her own agendas and concerns in favor of pleasing the other person involved. -Low concern for self and high concern for others

Oientations

Lose-Lose: Assumes that conflict results in losses for everyone and that it is unhealthy and destructive for relationships Win-Lose: assumes that one person wins at the expense of the other Win-win: assumes that there are usually ways to resolve differences so that everyone gains

Decunstructive Communication Patters

dis-confirming

Collaboration

involves a shared commitment to working together to produce next steps that either party could envision or accomplish alone

Constructive Communication Patterns

open, nonjudgmental, confirming, and strategic -supportive, positive climate

Compromise

results in some gains and some losses or each party to a conflict -requires each party to give up some desired outcome(s) and to get some