Interpersonal Communication Final

Desmond Morris suggests that each of us repeatedly go through 3 stages

1.) Hold me tight 2.) put me down 3.) leave me alone

Why is small talk useful?

1.) It is a useful way to find out what interests we share with the other person. 2.) It provides a way to audition the other person-to help us decide whether the relationship is worth pursuing. 3.) It's a safe way to ease into a relationship. You haven't risked much as you decide whether to proceed further

Metacommunication is good why?

1.) It is an important method for resolving conflicts in a constructive manner. It provides a shift from the content level to relational questions, where the problem often lies. 2.) It is a way to reinforce satisfying aspects of a relationship.

Types of relational transgressions:

1.) minor vs. significant 2.) social vs. relational 3.) deliberate vs. unintentional 4.) one-time vs. incremental

As you decide which conflict style to approach, you should consider several factors:

1.) the relationship 2.) the situation 3.) the other person 4.) your goals

characteristics of relationships:

Relationships are constantly changing. Relationships are affected by culture. Relationships require maintenance. Relationships require commitment.

When someone else clearly has more power than you, _________ may be the best conflict approach

accommodating

occurs when you allow others to have their way rather than asserting your own point of view

accommodating (lose-win)

the degree to which people appreciate one another. Affection is the most important ingredient in romantic relationships. can be expressed verbally or nonverbally, positively or negatively. Ex: a glare or angry word shows the level of liking just as clearly as a smile or profession of love

affinity

What are the four types of relational messages?

affinity, immediacy, respect, and control

communicators who use this strategy choose one end of the dialectical spectrum at some times and other ends at other times. Spending large amount of time together then another time, living independent lives

alternation

Research indicates that the most effective conversations about forgiveness contains 2 elements:

an explicit statement "I can't forget what you did, but I believe your apology and accept it" and a discussion of the implications of the transgression and the future relationship 'I have to be honest. It's going to take time before I can trust you again"

speaking mind a clear way without dictating. "I felt this way when this happened..." You don't blame anybody

assertive message format

letting the other person know-both verbally and nonverbally- that he or she matters to you, and that you are committed to the relationship

assurances

When stagnation becomes too unpleasant, parties in a relationship begin to develop physical distance between each other.

avoiding

occurs when people nonassertively ignore or stay away from conflict.

avoiding (lose-lose)

recognize that both forces are legitimate and try to manage them through compromise

balance

The parties make symbolic public gestures to show the world that their relationship exists. Ex: engagement, making official, public commitment. ____________ is the peak of "coming together."

bonding

the peak of what Knapp calls the 'coming together"

bonding

communication between members decreases in quantity and quality

circumscribing

The win-lose approach to conflict involves high concern for self and low concern for others. "my way"

competing

when each partner's characteristics satisfy the other's needs

complementary

the partners use different but mutually reinforcing behaviors.

complimentary conflict style

gives both people at least some of what they want, although both sacrifice part of their goals.

compromising (partial lose-lose)

an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other part in achieving their goals.

conflict

an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals

conflict

usually unacknowledged but very real patterns of interlocking behavior that people develop after being in a relationship for some time. examples are on page 393

conflict rituals

We seek out involvement with others, but at the same time, we are unwilling to sacrifice our entire identity to even the most satisfying relationship

connection versus autonomy

The clearest ex of _______________ occurs when both parties communicate assertively, listening to each other's concerns and working together to resolve them

constructive symmetry

the subject being discussed "It's your turn to do the dishes"

content

the degree to which the parties in a relationship have the power to influence one another

control

Some types of control involve ___________- who talks the most, who interrupts the most, and who changes the topic most often

conversation

undesirable outcomes like unpleasant work or emotional pain.

costs

when people have feelings of resentment, anger, or rage that they are unable or unwilling to express directly

crazy-makers

Another dimension of control is _________- who has the power to determine what will happen in the relationship? What will we do Saturday night

decisions

Some transgressions are unintentional. You may reveal something without realizing that it is embarrassing. Some are intentional though. In angler, you say a cruel comment to hurt the other person

deliberate vs unintentional

communicators respond to one end of the dialectical spectrum and ignore the other. Ex: a couple caught between conflicting desires for predictability and novelty might find their struggle for change too difficult to manage and choose to follow predictable, if unexciting, patterns of relating to each other

denial

conflicts that arise when two opposing or incompatible forces exist simultaneously.

dialectical tensions

What is likely to occur when a relationship begins to experience the first, inevitable feelings of stress?

differentiating

the point where the "we" orientation that has developed shifts, and more "me" messages begin to occur. _______________ is likely to occur when a relationship begins to experience the first, inevitable feelings of stress.

differentiating

character attacks, competence attacks, physical appearance attics, maledictions (wishing the other ill fortune), teasing, ridicule, threats, swearing, and nonverbal emblems are examples of

direct aggression

occurs when a communicatory expresses a criticism or demand that threatens the face of the person at whom it is directed

direct aggression

communicators feel so overwhelmed and helpless that they are unable to confront their problems. Ex: after the honeymoon people realize a conflict-free life isn't realistic, so they might become so terrified that they come to view their marriage as a mistake

disorientation

One theory for why we are attracted to similar others is that it provides a measure of ________. Ex: if we judge those that are like us to be attractive, we must think we are attractive too

ego support

A usual part of ________ ___________ is the search for common ground, and it involves the conversational basics such as "where are you from" or "What's your major?"

experimenting

Decide whether or not we are interested in pursuing the relationship further. Uncertainty reduction- the process of getting to know others by gaining more information about them. Small talk.

experimenting

can be verbal or nonverbal. Dirty look, the silent treatment, and avoiding the other person

expressed struggle

After termination, couples often engage in "_________-_________" which is retrospective attempts to explain why the relationship failed

grave-dressing

The hallmark of the experimenting stage is

hallmark

value self-restraint and avoid confrontation. Ex: Japan.

high context

refers to the degree of interest and attention that we feel toward and communicate to others. Ex: eye contact, facial expression, tone, and the distance we put between ourselves and others. read page 295

immediacy

show that you are interested in making contact and that you are the kind of person worth talking to. Interaction is brief and follows conventional formulas like handshakes, remarks about the weather, and friendly expressions.

initiating

The parties begin to take on an identity as a social unit. Partners develop unique, ritualistic ways of behaving. Individuals give up characteristics of their old unit and develop shared identities.

integrating

communicators simultaneously accept opposing forces without trying to diminish them. Ex: some stepfamilies manage the tension between the old family and the new family by adapting and blending their family rituals

integration

Interpersonal relationships begin to develop. Expression towards each other becomes more common. Doing favors for the partner, showing tokens of affection, flirting, etc.

intensifying

the parties in conflict are usually dependent on each other.

interdependence

- No matter how much one person's position may differ from another's, a full-fledged conflict won't occur until the participants act in ways that prevent one another from reaching their goals.

interference from the other party

This pattern combines aggression and intimacy in a manner that might seem upsetting to outsiders but that can work well in some relationships. Lovers may argue like cats and dougs, but then make up just as intensively.

intimate-aggression

This sort of relationship has a low amount of attacking or blaming. Partners may confront each other directly or indirectly, but one way or another they manage to prevent issues from interfering with their relationship.

intimate-nonaggressive

place a premium on being direct and literal. Ex: US.

low context

describes messages that people exchange, verbally or nonverbal, about their relationship. Communication about communication. "I hate it when you use that tone of voice"

metacommunication

describes messages that people exchange, verbally or nonverbally, about their relationship. "I hate it when you use that tone of voice" or "I appreciate how honest you are with me." Metacommunication is an important method for resolving conflicts in a constructive manner. It provides a way to shift discussion from the content level to relational questions, where the problem often lies.

metacommunication

a little distance, jealously and anger can be good, but too much can damage relationships

minor vs significant

These partners fight but are unsuccessful in satisfying important content and relational goals.

nonintimate-aggressive

The parties avoid conflicts- and each other-instead of facing issue head on. "You won't be coming home for the holidays? Oh well I guess that's okay."

nonintimate-nonaggressive

a single time: act of betrayal, verbal assault. If the withdrawal becomes pervasive, it violates the fundamental rule that most couples should be there for each other

one-time vs incremental

talking directly about the nature of the relationship and disclosing your personal needs and concerns

openness

We have a need to disclose info but we have an equally important drive to maintain some space between ourselves and others

openness-privacy dialectic

both partners shift between complementary and symmetrical patterns from one issue to another.

parallel conflict style

occurs when a communicator expresses hostility in an obscure or manipulative way.

passive aggression

al conflicts look as if one party's gain would be another's loss. People fail to see mutually satisfying solutions to their problems

perceived incompatible goals

conflicts exist when people believe there isn't enough or something to go around. Ex: money. Worker wants a pay raise, but boss wants to keep the money for himself.

perceived scarce resources

viewing one another more attractive over time

positive illusions

keeping the relational climate polite and upbeat, and also avoiding criticism

positivity

Stability is an important need in a relationship but too much of it can lead to staleness

predictability-novelty dialectic

acknowledges that dialectical tensions will never disappear. Accept or embrace the challenges that the tensions present

reaffirmation

communicators can respond to dialectical challenges by reframing them so that the apparent contradiction disappears.

recalibration

What is especially strong in the early stage of a relationship? It boosts self-esteem

reciprocal attraction

involves a promise- sometimes implied and sometimes explicit- to remain in a relationship and to make that relationship successful

relational commitment

When two or more people are in a long-term relationship, they develop their own ____________- a pattern of managing disagreements

relational conflict

makes statements about how the parties feel toward one another

relational dimension

Knapp's theory has two phases which is coming together and coming apart. Other researchers have suggested that any model of relational comm should contain a third phase of ___________ _____________

relational maintenance

communication aimed at keeping relationships operating smoothly and satisfactorily

relational maintenance

when one partner violates the explicit or implicit terms of the relationship, letting the other one down in some important way

relational transgressions

the mode in which two or more things stand to one another

relationship

Whereas affinity involves liking, _______ involves esteem. It's possible to like others without respecting them.

respect

social exchange theory formula

rewards-costs=outcome

compartmentalize different areas of their relationship. most frequently used method for step children to manage openness-privary tensions with their nonresident parents. For ex: a couple may share all of their feelings about mutual friends with each other, but keep certain parts of their past romantic histories private

segmentation

helping one another take care of life's chores and obligations makes life easier and reaffirms the value of the relationship

sharing tasks

we often seek out people who can give us rewards that are greater or equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with them

social exchange theory

providing support and relief that helps relational partners understand and appreciate one another

social networks

Some transgressions violate social rules shared by society at large. Ex: humiliating a family member in public is a violation of fundamental social rule regarding saving others' face. Other rules are relational in nature- unique norms constructed by the parties involved. Ex: Families have a rule that if you're going to be late, you let someone know so they don't worry

social versus relational

Interpersonal relationships involve the way people deal with each other __________

socially

the partners behave toward each other in old, familiar ways without much feeling. No growth occurs.

stagnating

both partners use the same behaviors

symmetrical conflict style

First step toward repairing a transgression

talk about the violation

Not all relationships end, but in this stage, the relationship ends and the partners desire to dissociate.

terminating

Costs are undesirable outcomes like

unpleasant work, emotional pain, and so on

show a high degree of concern for both themselves and others. The focus is on "our way."Everybody gets what they want.

win-win collaborating