Interpersonal Communication test 2 ( ch 1,3,6 and 8)

High self monitoring is helpful in public

>> other times, we unconsciously act in ways they're really public performances>> facial mimicking Aimed at sending messages to others>> use "scripts" We often modify the way we present ourselves to support the way other people want to be seen

Benevolent lie-

A lie that is not considered malicious by the person who tells it. unmalicious, even helpful, to person it's told

Judging-

A listening response in which the receiver evaluates the sender's message either favorably or unfavorably. response evaluates the sender's thoughts/behaviors in some way May be favorable or unfavorable>> either way, implies that the person doing the judging is in some way qualified to pass judgement on the speaker's thoughts or actions Sometimes (-) judgements are less critical>> constructive criticism, which intends to help the problem holder improve but can make person defensive Can have best chance of being received when 1) person w/ problem requested judging and 2) intent of your judgement has genuinely constructive and not designed as a put down

Questioning-

A listening response in which the receiver seeks additional information from the sender asking for info can help both the person doing asking and one providing answers Help you and the asker b/c 1) answers you get fill in facts/details that sharperen understanding 2) can learn what others are thinking/feeling 3) tool for the person who answers>> it encourages self discovery; explore their thoughts/feelings

Stage hogging-

A listening style in which the receiver is more concerned with making his or her own point than in understanding the speaker. conversational narcissists) try to turn a topic of conversation to themselves instead of showing interest in the speaker One strategy is a shift response>> changing the focus of the conversation from the speaker to the narcissist Interruptions are another hallmark>> besides learning potentially valuable info, they can damage the relationship between interrupt and the speaker

It statement-

A statement in which "it" replaces the personal pronoun "I," making the statement less direct and more evasive.

But statements-

A statement in which the word but cancels out the expression that preceded it. strategy for wrapping speaker's real/unpleasant message between more palatable idea in a psychological sandwich>> face saving strategy>> deceiver (+) or (-) messages separately go both heard

Stages in learning communication skills

Beginning awareness (learn there is a new/better way of behaving) Awkwardness (initial attempts at communicating in new ways will be awkward) Skillfulness (overcoming the awkwardness, able to handle yourself well, even tho you'll still need to think of what you're doing) Integration (able to perform well w/o thinking about it>> becomes automatic)

People who care about their relationships communicate better than those who don't

Commitment to the other person>> concern for them Care about the message>> appear sincere, seem to know what they are talking about and demonstrate they care about what they say

Your personal style Consider yourself when deciding how to respond

Consider yourself when deciding how to respond

What support isn't like

Deny others right to their feelings>> wanting someone to feel differently Minimize the significance of the situation Cast judgement>> evaluative/condescending statements Focus on yourself>> drawing attention away from other person Defend yourself>> more concerned w/ yourself than other person

Powerless speech mannerisms:

Forms of speech that communicate to others a lack of power in the speaker: hedges, hesitations, intensifiers, and so on. tone's being apologetic/uncertain or confident Rated more competent/dynamic/attractive than speakers who speak powerless

Advice considerations when helping others

Is the advice needed? Is it wanted? Is the advice given in the right sequence? The advisor a close and trusted person? Is the advice offered in a sensitive, face-saving way?

Abstract language-

Language describing ideas and qualities rather than observable or specific things, people, or places. vague in nature

Language is symbolic because

Language uses words to represent objects and ideas symbolic: only arbitrary connection between words and ideas/things which they refer It enables us to communicate us to communicate in ways like past tends, ideas, reasons and not present

Pragmatic rules-

Linguistic rules that help communicators understand how messages may be used and interpreted in a given context. decide how to interpret messages in given context>> given way speech operates in everyday interaction>> coordination Language is a medium for helping communicators understand one another and shape our perceptions of the world around and reflect attitudes Speech can build/demonstrate solidarity w. others>> communicators are attracted to others that use similar speaking style Those who show affiliation w/ another adapt

Communication can manage their front in three ways: manner, appearance, and setting

Manner: communicators words and nonverbal action Nonverbal behaviors play a big role in creating impressions Appearance- the personal items people use to shape on image Setting - physical items we use to influence how others hear us

Why we don't listen better

Message overload- bombarded by info>> deluge of communication making it hard to attend (focus/find something to hear about) Preoccupation- wrapped up in personal concerns more important than what someone else is sending Rapid thought- we have mental spare time when someone is talking>> temptation to use this time in ways that don't relate to speaker's personal interest like thinking about personal interests, daydreaming etc. Effort- it takes hard work>> it's takes physical effort External noise- distraction Faulty assumptions- lead us we're thinking attentively when we don't Lack of apparent advantages Lack of training- listening is a skill a lot like speaking Hearing problems

How to analyze

Offer your interpretation as tentative rather than absolute fact You ought to be sure that other person will be receptive to your analysis>> even if accurate, thoughts won't help if problem holder isn't ready to consider them Be sure that your motive for offering an analysis is truly to help the other person>> won't help if it's to make you look "smarter" or to make someone else feel bad

Three ways to move forward w. More competent style

Passive observation- noticing members of different culture and using insights to communicate ways that are most effective Active strategies- reading, watching experts and members of other culture to behave and taking academic courses related to intercultural communication and diversity Self-disclosure- volunteering personal info to peeps from other culture with whom they want to communicate One way is to confess cultural ignorance but risky

Paraphrasing

Putting into words the ideas or feelings you have perceived from the message tells you what you understand before asking additional ?'statements that reword the listener's interpretation of a message Lead to the speaker clarifying a message Key to success is to restate the other person's comments in your own words as a way of cross checking the info Two levels are factual info (so you want to meet this tuesday, right?) or personal info (non defensive response>>shortcut defensive arguments) Reflecting the person's thoughts and feelings shows your involvement and concern>> encourages the problem holder to discuss the matter more and unload more if concerns, leading to relief that comes from catharines

Supporting statements can be helpful when...

Recognize that you can support another person's struggles w/o approving of his/her decisions>> face saving support w/o compromising principles Monitor the other person's reaction to your support Realize that support may not always be welcome>> person feeling like they can handle it themselves Make sure you're ready for the consequences>> can cause discomfort for listenor

he other person

Should also consider other person when deciding which style to use Sophisticated listeners choose a style that fits the person

Situation

Sometimes people need advice, encouragement, support etc., depending on situation A competent communicator needs to analyze the situation and develop an appropriate message>> begin w/ responses that seek understanding, once gathered the facts and demonstrated concern, speaker will be more receptive to analyzing, advising and evaluating responses

Meeting the challenge of listening

Talk less- if you want to understand the speaker, avoid tendency to hog the stage and shift conversation to your ideas Get rid of distractions- external and internal distractions Don't judge prematurely- forming snap judgements, evaluating others before hearing them out, judge prematurely Look for key ideas- find a central idea from the speaker

Selective listening-

a listening style in which the receiver responds only to messages that interest him or her respond only to parts of your remarks that interest them, rejecting everything else>> perk up only when a topic relates to them

Listening-

a process of making sense of others' messages Traditional approaches focus on the reception on the message of spoken messages>> this includes messages of all sorts

Catharsis-

a release of emotional tension get it off your chest like regrets>> mental and emotional relief when handled property

Defensive listening-

a response style in which the receiver perceives a speaker's comments as an attack

Opinion statement-

a statement based on the speaker's beliefs can never be proven/disapproved>> presenting opinions as facts Inferential statements- conclusion from interpretation of evidence Fixed with perceptual checking>> observable behavior (Facts) that caught attention and desirable

Factual statement-

a statement that can be verified as being true or false

Insulated listening-

a style in which the receiver ignores undesirable information avoid looking for specific info; when a topic arises, they rather not deal with it Fail to hear/acknowledge it>> forget/ignore what you just said

Johari Window

a visual representation of components of the self that are known or unknown to the self and to others Part 1>> info you and others know (open arena) Part 2>> info you're unaware about (blind area) Part 3>> info you know but don't want to reveal to others (hidden area) Part 4>> info that's unknown to you and others (unknown)

Remembering-

ability to recall information>>given the information we process every day, the residual message (what we remember) is a small fraction of what we hear

Convergence-

adapting one's speech style to match another's>> feeling connected>> likelihood of mutual romantic interest increases when conversational partners use pronouns, articles Relates to how much each is paying attention to each other When 2+ peeps feel equally (+) about eachother each other linguistic convergence will be mutual

Sincere questions-

aimed at understanding others -to clarify meanings -to learn about others' thoughts, feelings, and wants -to encourage elaboration -to encourage discovery -to gather more facts and details

Prompting-

an act of persuading someone to do something involves using silences and brief statements of encouragement to draw others out>> helps you understand better and the speaker, can also help others clarify their thoughts and feelings Catalyst to help others find their own answers>> work best when sincerely done Nonverbal behavior (eye contact, posture, facial expression etc.) show that you are concerned w/ other person's problem

Pseudolistening-

an imitation of the real thing>> an act put on to fool the speaker>> give the appearance of being attentive (eye contact, nod and smile) (aka pretending to listen)

Disclaimer-

assertion designed to forestall any complaints or negative reactions to behavior or statement that is about to occur type of powerless speech that attempts to distance speaker from remarks that are unwelcome (-) judgments Can backfire b/c peeps looking for it Sometimes can achieve better than assertive approaches

Being culturally competent requires mindfulness

awareness of own behavior and that of others>> mindlessly>> oblivious if how their own behavior may confuse/offend others and how behavior that they consider weird may be different

self-monitoring

being attuned to the way one presents oneself in social situations and adjusting one's performance to create the desired impression is one way to understanding yourself better>> process of paying close attention to one's behavior and using these observations to shape the way one behaves Are able to separate a part of their consciousness and observe their behavior from a detached viewpoint, making observations Peeps who are aware of their behavior/impression, are usually more skillful than low self-monitors

Sapir whorf hypothesis-

by Edward Whorf>> observed language spoken by Hopi Native Americans represent viiew of reality dramatically different than from more familiar tongues>> made no distinction between nouns and verbs (so teh world is constantly being in process) and poeple and objects as verbs, being constantly changing Our words just don't reflect how we see the word, they affect how we see it

One way to measure depth is

by how far goes on two dimensions that define self closure>> some revelations more significant than others Other revelations>> deep disclosure b.c private Facts are more disclosing than clutches; opinions more than facts, feelings more than facts

Self-Clarification

can clarify own beliefs, opinions, thoughts, attitudes, and feelings by talking about them w/ another person

Hurting the Other Person

cause them to be upset It's wise not to divulge personal secrets in certain situations>> impossible to withhold too much too Each person has psychological "beltline">> below belief is powerful to disable other person w/ cost relationship>> consider effects of candor before opening up Amount of personal info to reveal depends on if it's a two-way street or therapeutic relationship w/one-way street Alternatives to self-disclosure: silence, lying, benevolent lie

Divergence-

communicators setting themselves apart from others adopt this strategy>> speaking that emphasizes their differences from others Ethnic lines or ethnic/racial epithets as outgroup=offensive Pragmatic goals is creation of norms about who has "right" to say it

What's missing online is an advantage for

communicators who manage impressions More control Synchronous forms of communication (external) allow you to edit until you create desired impressions Don't have to worry about appearance People construct identities Viewing own profile high self esteem (b/c egobooster)

Gender and language

content>>female friends discussing more personal/domestic subjects like relationship problems>> men were more likely to discuss music, current events, sports etc.>> both equally likely to discuss personal appearance, sex, dating in same sex conversations

Consider 3 options when considering a response

context>> time/place will influence how you act goal>> shape the approach you'll take when helping someone else Knowledge of the other person>> social niche of the other party/ how sensitive that person is etc.

Self-validation-

disclosing info w. Hope of obtaining listeners agreement, seeking validation of your behavior-confirmation of belief you held of yourself>> confirmation of self concept

Decreased in relational satisfaction:

disclosure can lead to decrease in satisfaction from relationship

(-) impression-

even if it doesn't lead to rejection, it can create negative impression

Supporting-

expressing your agreement with the speaker's opinion or point of view reveals a listener's solidarity w/ person's situation Empathizing, agreement, offers to help, praise, reassurance

Rejection:

fear of disapproval

Low context cultures-

generally value using language to express thoughts, feelings, and ideas as directly as possible>> look for meaning of statement in the words spoken

Building and maintaining relationships:

getting a relationship started requires self disclosure>> plays role in relational success

Co-cultures-

groups of people who share values, customs, and norms related to mutual interests or characteristics besides their national citizenship different communication styles like age, occupation, sexual orientation, physical disability, religion, activity Some even say that there's a gender style of communication Helps to know rules of certain culture and attitudes/skills called culture general>>

Five components of listening

hearing, attending, understanding, responding, remembering

Self penetration:

how communication can be more/less revealing Breadth: range of subjects being discussed (of info volunteered) Depth: shift from relatively impersonal messages to more personal Depending on breadth and depth of info shared, relationship can be casual or intimate Causal- breath up, casual down Intimate: depth up in one area More intimate: depth and causal up

Abstract ladder-

how some phenomenon can be described at various levels of specificity and abstraction Highly abstract language can lead to blanket judgements and stereotyping Can lead to generalities, ignoring uniqueness

We language-

implies issue is the concern responsibility of both speaker and receiver>> constructive climate>> together

Loss of influence-

in a relationship b/c confessing secret weakness, control over other persons new is decreased

Understanding-

interpreting the messages associated with sounds or what the sounds mean occurs when we make sense f message>> possible to hear/attend to a message w/o [mis]understanding it

Analyzing-

involves evaluating observations and data to reach a conclusion about them listenor offers an interpretation of a speaker's message>> interpretations are often effective ways to help people w/ problems to consider alternative meanings- meanings they never thought of w/o help Other times, analysis can create more problems than it solves 1)interpretation might not be correct, making speaker more confused by accepted it 2) even if analysis is correct, telling it to the problem older isn't useful>> might arouse defensiveness or won't understand view personally

Mindful listening-

involves giving careful and thoughtful attention and responses to the messages we receive Tend to listen mindfully when a message is important to you and when someone you care about is talking about something important You want to give the message sender your complete and undivided attention Sometimes you respond mindlessly to info that deserves (demands) our mindful attention

impression management

involves which face to reveal>> in every case, shows real part of yourself Everyone has repertoire of faces (cast of characters) that's part of being a competent communicator in choosing the best face

Attending-

is a psychological (vs hearing) one and part of the process of selection We filter out messages and focus on others>> needs, wants, desires and interests determine what is attended to>> especially if there's a payoff Also helps message sender

Affiliation-

joining; associating with speech accomodation>> style similar to someone else's

Emotive language-

language that conveys the sender's attitude rather than simply offering an objective description Best way to avoid it is to describe whatever in neutral terms and label opinions as such Language reflects speakers willingness to take responsibility for beliefs/feelings

Politeness-

less forceful>> communicating in ways that save face for senders and receivers>> same cultures none than others Enhance speakers effectiveness

Responding-

lets us know how well others are tuned into what we're saying

Semantic rules -

meaning of individual words users of language assign meaning to particular linguistic symbol/words Semantic misunderstandings arise when peeps assign different to same words

Men vs. Women

men - More likely to discuss music, current event, sports etc. - More likely to emphasizing making conversation fun - See conversations as something they like - Use more sentence fragments, judgemental adjectives, directives, and "I" references - More direct, succinct, elaborate, and task oriented both Both reserve conversations of sex/sexuality for same-sex members Use language to build/maintain social relationships (being friendly) The way they communicate is more similar than the difference women Spend more time discussing personal/domestic things like relationships Conversations involve feelings, emotions, relationships, and personal problems Feel more empathy Describe conversations as something they needed More likely to use intensive adverbs, emotional references, uncertainty words, and relational maintenance words Speech is more indirect, elaborate, and focused on relationships Show support for other person, demonstrations of equality, and efforts to keep the conversation going>> sympathy/empathy More inclined to ask questions and more tentative Use less powerful language when writing

Equivocating-

misleading or hedging with ambiguous word choices considering alternatives to lying like hunting communications construct their identities in response to behavior of others

Dual process theory-

move beyond hearing and start to listen>> mindless and mindful are two different ways

Reciprocity-

mutual exchange one act of self disclosure regrets another>> no guarantee but own honesty can create climate that makes others feel safer and wanna make honesty

One feature that distinguishes effective communication is commitment

people who care about relationship communicate better first>> commitment to other person (concern for them, listening ect.) second>> care about message>> appear sincere, know what talking about and care about what they say

I language-

phrases that emphasize ownership of your feelings, opinions, and beliefs

You language-

phrases that place the focus of attention and blame on other people judgement of other person (+) judgement rarely cause probe,sm but you statement implies subjects is doing something wrong>> can cause defensiveness>> implies speaker is qualified to judge target "I" less provocative way to express complain>> shows person takes responsibility for complaint

Hearing-

process where sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibrations that are transmitted to the brain It's the physiological dimension of listening>> occurs when sound waves strike the ear a a certain frequency and loudness It's influenced by background noise, auditory fatigue (temporary loss of hearing b/c too much exposure to same sound/loudness

Counterfeit questions-

questions that are disguised attempts to send a message rather than elicit information aimed at sending a message, not receiving one They can trap the speaker, be a tag question (looking for agreement, not info), questions that make statements (emphasizing words>> saying someone's opinion), questions that carry hidden agendas (setup for a proposal that follows), questions that seek "correct" answers (wanting to hear particular response), questions based on unchecked assumptions

Behavioral language-

refers to specific things that people say or do

self-disclosure

revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others and not normally known by others Must be deliberate and significant and not known by others

Syntactic rules-

rules that govern the ways in which symbols can be arranged as opposed to the meanings of those symbols govern grammar of a language Don't explain why these letters send virtually opposite messages No ambiguity about meaning of words>> opposite meanings of letters b/c different syntax

Ambushing-

selective listening in which the audience ignores the strengths of a message and hears only the weaknesses listen carefully to you, but only b/c they're collecting info they'll use to attack what you said Justifiably initiate defensiveness in other person

Responding-

showing others how you regard their message to a message consists of giving observable feedback to the speaker>>good listeners shown they're attentive by nonverbal like keeping eye contact, reacting w/ appropriate facial expressions etc. Verbal behavior demonstrates attention Communication is transactional in nature>> as listeners, active participators in a communication transaction (transactional)>> send and receive messages

communication competence

the ability to take part in effective communication that is characterized by skills and understandings that enable communicators to exchange messages successfully

cognitive complexity

the ability to understand a given situation in multiple ways Considering the issue from several angles might prevent you from overreacting/misunderstanding the situations, increasing odds of finding a way to resolve the problem constructively

Privacy management-

the choices people make to reveal or conceal information about themselves (weighed by pros and cons)

Listening fidelity-

the degree of congruence between what a listener understands and what the message sender was attempting to communicate

Social influence-

the effect that the words, actions, or mere presence of other people have on our thoughts, feelings, attitudes, or behavior revealing personal info can increase control over other people and sometimes situation you and other people are in

Sapir-whorf hypothesis-

the idea that different languages create different ways of thinking

equivocation>>

the use of ambiguous language to conceal the truth or to avoid committing oneself; prevarication strategic alternative to blunt disclosure Equivocal language- w.o realizing that ambiguous statements can have more than 1 meaning Responsibility for interpreting statements accurately rest in large point of receiver

Communicating with people from different backgrounds

tolerance for ambiguity makes it possible to accept/embrace incomprehensible messages that characterize intercultural communication

Advising-

tp help by offering a solution>> can sometimes be helpful, as long as it's in a respective/caring way Advice has its limits>> can be unhelpful

High context culture-

using language to maintain social harmony>> by speaking directly, they learn to discover meanings from the context where message is delivered>> nonverbal behaviors of speaker, history of relationship, general social rules that govern interaction between people (situational cues)

Linguistic relativity-

view that characteristics of language shape our thought processes

individualistic vs collectivist

western Strong "I" orientation, norm of speaking directly is honored "I gotta be me" - Both men and women use language to build/maintain social relationships>> being friendly, showing interest in other person etc. - Low context culture- less direct - Majority of info carrier in explicit cues>> high reliance on explicit verbal cues - self-expression valued>> communicators express opinions and desires directly and strive to persuade others to accept own viewpoint -clear, eloquent speech considered praiseworthy -verbal fluency admired Both -co-cultural plays an important role in how we see yourself and others - ethnicity - member of nondominant ethnicity - part of conscious, less conscious of it>> sense of belonging and entitlement collectivism - Main desire is to build connection w/ self and others - Indirect approaches that maintain harmony is desired - "If I hurt you, I hurt myself" - High context culture- more direct - important info not always expressed explicitly - cues carried in a situational context (time, place, relationship) - relational harmony valued and maintained by indirect expression of opinions -communicators sustain from saying "no" directly - communicators talk "around" the point, allowing the other to fill in the missing pieces - ambiguity and use of silence admired

Listening-

when the brain reconstructs these impulses into a representation of the original sound and gives them meaning>> isn't automatic

Mindless listening-

when we react to the others' messages automatically and routinely, w/o much mutual investment>> superficial/cursory Low level info processing is a valuable type of communication b/c it frees us to focus our minds that require careful attention>> impractical/impossible to listen to everything Only realistic way to manage onslaught of messages is to be lazy towards them>> in these situations, we forgo careful analysis and fall back on the schemas/stereotypes

relative words

words that gain their meaning by comparison>> assuming they have same meaning Statements that contain/imply words is lead to mistaken assumption that peeps are constant and unchanging>> incorrect belief known as static evaluation

Linguistic relativity-

worldview of culture is shared by reflected language its members speak