IPC Exam 2

communication with prickly people

-Go to the Balcony: metaphor for taking a time out. Take a moment to excuse yourself to cool off. -Step to the Side: rather than continuing to debate and refute every argument, step to the side by just asking questions and by listening. -Change the frame: reframe by trying to see more than an either/or way of managing the conflict. Try to see it from a third, fourth, or fifth point of view. -Build a Golden Bridge: metaphor for identifying ways to help the other person say yes by saving face. Find an alternative that allows the other person his or her dignity by using objective standards to find a solution. -Make it hard to say no:Use information to educate rather than pummel the other person. Bring people to their senses, not their knees. Help the other person understand the consequences of what he or she supports and the benefits of your alternatives.

interaction adaption theory

(territoriality) how we use space to communicate ownership. describes how people adapt to the communication behavior of others.

Quazi-Courtship Behavior

-courtship readiness: alter normal pattern of eye contact, suck in stomach, etc. -preening: do hair, apply make up -positional cues: making sure we are seen -appeals to invitation: exposed skin, direct eye contact, etc.

personal space

4 zones... 1. intimate 0-1.5 2. personal 1.5-4 3. social 4-12 4. public 12 ft. and out

aggressive vs. assertive (5 steps)

ASSERTIVENESS...expresses your interests without denying the rights of others, is other oriented, describes what you want, discloses your needs using "I" messages. (-describe, -disclose, -identify effects, -be silent, -paraphrase, using your active listening skills) AGGRESSIVENESS...expresses your interests and denies the rights of others, is self-oriented, evaluates the other person, discloses your needs using "you" messages.

lens of understanding (passive vs. aggressive; task vs. people focus)

DRAW IT!

three types of conflict

Pseudo Simple Ego

Dr. Strangelove Listening Exercise

The main idea - what was the main reason they were there? 4 options to pick from. General Jack Ripper ordered his squad of B52 to attack targets inside of Russia.

Gesture categories

emblems - flipping off illustrations - emblem with a verbal message regulators - raise hands adaptors - satisfy needs affect displays - nonverbal movements/postures

Triggers of conflict

entitlement fairness

why learn about nonverbal communication?

everyone uses nonverbal!! it is part of being a human - you try to assess others nonverbal and they try to assess yours. Learning about it can help make everyone more successful at reading.

restricted code/jargon

pig latin set of words that have a particular meaning to a subculture

emotional contagion theory

93% of emotions conveyed through non-verbal

conflict management styles

avoidance accommodator collaborator compromiser competitor

polarization

describing and evaluating what you observe in terms of extremes, such as good or bad, old or new, beautiful or ugly, brilliant or stupid.

enhancing responding skills

don't interrupt ask questions (appropriate) paraphrase accurately well-timed responses provide usable information avoid unnecessary details be descriptive rather than evaluative social support-positive, sincere, supportive messages

words of apology

to explicitly admit that we made an error and to ask the person we offended to forgive us. helps us to save face and can repair relational stress.

triangle of meaning

top = thoughts left side = referent/thing right side = word/symbol

4 types of listening

1. Hearing: messages vibrate our eardrums and cause a signal to move to the brain --Diversions: distractions of physical nature(sleepy, hungry, etc.) and the technological nature 2. Informational (Action and Time) Students use this most in a Lecture class - listen primarily for information 3. Critical: content orientation toward listening Listen for logic, reason, and credibility Information Triage-separate good information from the bad information 4. Self Reflexive (People) "The unexamined life is not worth living" Helps with identity

listening skills

1. stop -put own thoughts aside, be there mentally, make a conscious effort to listen, be open-minded, etc. 2. look - nonverbal messages are really powerful. 3. listen (set goals); asynchronous listening - don't interrupt, appropriately contribute to the conversation, mentally summarize details and link these with the main ideas. metamessage - the message about the message

3 ways to social de-centering

3 ways to do this: 1. develop an understanding of another person based on how you have responded when something similar has happened to you 2. base your understanding on knowledge you have about the specific person 3. make generalizations about someone based on your understanding of how you think most people would feel/behave.

Figure 6.1 Adapting to Differences

Debate vs. Dialogue Debate- there is one right answer and you assume you are the one who has it. The goal is to win, the focus is on combat-you try to prove that you are right and others are wrong, and you search for weaknesses and errors in others' positions. You defend your views. Dialogue- Many people have pieces of the answer; together, you can find the best solution for it. The goal is to seek common ground and agreement, the focus is on collaboration and seeking common understanding. You search for strengths and value the truth in what others say. You use the contributions of others to improve your thinking. pg. 171

improving your skills in interpreting and expressing nonverbal messages

INTERPRETING: -consider nonverbal cues in context -look for clusters of nonverbal cues -consider past experiences when interpreting nonverbal cues -check your perceptions with others -be aware that the nonverbal expression of emotion is contagious -look for cues that may communicate lying EXPRESSING: -be mindful of your nonverbal behavior -observe others' reactions to your nonverbal behavior -ask others about your nonverbal behavior -practice nonverbal behavior

how is power communicated nonverbally through the aspects?

Territoriality and Space Travis office vs. a professor office space in fridge, cabinets, etc. Touch people in power have more of a chance of touching someone eye contact who is going to break eye contact first emotions someone has to reserve their emotions more how can I use these elements to show I have more power than another person?!

Listening Gap

Think - 600-800 words per minute Speak - 125-150 words per minute Write/Type - around 50-75 per minute?! The gap between how fast we can think and talk allows us to become diverted and think about other things.

allness/indexing

allness-the tendency to use language to make unqualified, often untrue generalizations. these statements deny individual differences or variations. indexing-way to avoid generalizing it is to acknowledge that each individual, each situation, or each example is unique.

interpersonal conflict - the four elements

an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent people - people that are dependent on each other incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference achieving a goal

tips for managing anger

be determined not to get angry yourself get on the same physical level as the other person (standing, sitting) be silent -if you're afraid you'll say something you might regret. express your concern nonverbally-because much of an emotional message is communicated nonverbally-use your facial expression and eyes. make an appropriate empathic statement-I would probably feel angry if I had experienced what you had experienced" or "I think I can see why you are so upset" But don't say "I know exactly how you are feeling" remind yourself that you control your own emotions - you are the only person who can control yourself and your response to other people! recognize that angry emotional outbursts rarely change someone's mind - exploding may make you feel better for a moment.

nonverbal communication

behavior (minus written and spoken that creates meaning for others)

concrete or abstract meaning

call a word concrete if they can experience its referent with one of their senses; if you can see/touch/smell/taste/hear it. It's abstract if you cannot. concrete=mercedes 500 abstract=transportation

children's book assignment criteria and character trends

children's book project - share implicit and explicit messages of book, age, gender roles, and sexist language. character trends - books with human characters: rejection upon gender roles (more progressive) books with nonhuman characters: reinforce gender roles

confirming and disconfirming messages

confirming: is an other-oriented statement that causes others to value themselves more --direct acknowledgement, agreement about judgements, supportive response, clarifying response, expression of positive feeling, compliment disconfirming: statement that causes others to value themselves less. --avoid disconfirming...interrupting, impervious(someone fails to acknowledge your statement), irrelevant, tangential(something said that is only minimally related to what you are talking about), impersonal, incoherent, incongruous(verbal is inconsistent with nonverbal) PG 147-149

four conflict myths

conflict is always a sign of a poor interpersonal relationship conflict can always be avoided conflict always occurs because of misunderstandings conflict can always be resolved

the conflict process - constructive vs. destructive conflict

constructive is helps build new insights and establishes new patterns in a relationship destructive is lack of flexibility in responding to others

critical listening skills and information triage

critical listening involves listening to evaluate the quality, appropriateness, value, or importance of the information you hear. The goal is to use information to make a choice. information triage is a process of evaluating and sorting out information. Someone who does this is able to distinguish useful and accurate information and conclusions from information that is less useful, as well as conclusions that are inaccurate or invalid.

denotative vs. connotative meaning

denotative of a word creates content: it is the word's restrictive or literal meaning like a dictionary definition of school connotative of a word creates feelings: words have personal and subjective meanings. To you, the word school might mean a wonderful, exciting place where you meet friends.

expressive and instrumental conflict

expressive - conflict in that it focuses on the quality of relationships and on managing interpersonal tension and hostility. instrumental- centering less on relationships and more on achieving a specific goal or objective.

words of support: extended "I" language; elaborated code

extended "I" language - brief preface to a feedback statement, intended to communicate that you don't want the person to think that you don't value or care about him or her even though you have a negative message to share. "I don't want you to misinterpret what I'm about to say because I really do care about you..." elaborated code: may be useful when speaking to someone from a different culture. Your messages will have to be more explicit, not condescending.

Communication characteristics of feminine and masculine sub-cultures

female -emotional, maintenance oriented, power is even, cooperation, value empathy, RELATE, RAPPORT male - DEBATE, REPORT, exchange information, analytical, problem-solving, hierarchy, competition, etc.

perceived gender differences in responding to conflict in "adapting to differences"

feminine styles-- concerned with equity and caring, connect with and feel responsible to others. Interact to achieve closeness and interdependence. Attend to interpersonal dynamics to assess relationship's health. Encourage mutual involvement. Attribute crises to problems in the relationship. Are concerned with the impact of the relationship on personal identity. Respond to conflict by often focusing mainly on the relationship. masculine styles--- are concerned with equality of rights and fairness; adhere to abstract principles and rules. Interact to achieve specific goals and seek autonomy and distance, are less aware of interpersonal dynamics. Protect self-interest. Attribute crises to problems external to the relationship and are neither self- nor relationship centered. Respond to conflict by often focusing on rules and being evasive until a unilateral decision is reached.

nonverbal

gestures emotions eye contact vocal cues touch personal space territoriality appearance

Figure eight.one and eight.two; gunny-sacking

gunny sacking: drudging up old issues and arguments in a present one. Pulling stuff out of the gunny sack. We do it although not helpful.

biased language or hate speech

hate speech is any word or phrase that is intended to offend and show disrespect for another person because of his or her race, ethnicity, cultural background, gender, age, sexual orientation, disability, social class, occupation, appearance, mental capacity, or any other personal aspect. sexist-I'd like you to meet Dr. and Mrs. John Chao. Unbiased-I'd like you to meet Dr. Sue Ho and Dr. John Chao. They are husband and wife. flight attendant vs. stewardess firefighter vs. fireman

3 dimensions for interpreting nonverbal behavior

immediacy-we move toward people/things we like and away from things we don't like. arousal-if we sense arousal clues, we know the other person is interested in us. dominance-communicate power, status, position and importance.(raising head and looking in the eye)

figure 7.1 expectancy violation theory; perception checking

intimate personal social public SPACE expectancy violation theory - different than what you expect perception checking - checking to see if your impressions are correct

sapir-whorf hypothesis

linguistic determinism(language shapes the way we think) + linguistic relativity(each language has unique elements embedded within it) language shapes culture and culture shapes language

Figure 5.1 Emotional Intelligence

listen 50% write 12% read 13% speak 20%

conflict management skills

manage your emotions manage information manage the problem

malapropism

misusing a word or phrase - a word of phrase that sounds similar but mean different things - can be humorous or sound absolutely crazy fire distinguisher pigment instead of figment

Listening Styles

people-oriented: comfortable with and skilled at listening to people's feelings and emotions. action-oriented: prefer information that is well organized, brief, and error-free. content-oriented: comfortable listening to complex, detailed information time-oriented: aware of how much time they have to listen

adapting to differences section in chapter 6 & 8

pg. 170 and pg. 225 ----- women tend to talk to establish and maintain relationships more than men, women seek equality between themselves and others "I know just how you feel", women are more likely to show emotional support. Women often spend time conducting conversational "maintenance work" like trying to keep the conversation from lagging and asking open-ended questions. Women also tend to make sure everyone present is invited to talk. Men are less likely to present information that indicates their vulnerabilities. They want to establish their power, status and worth. They talk to accomplish tasks more than express feelings. They want to share and seek information and solve any problems. They tend to use speech to sustain and even dominate a conversation. Men are more assertive, less tentative when talking. They speak in more general and abstract ways and are often less concrete and specific when describing events/situations. They tend to provide fewer responsive cues such as "I'm listening" "uh-huh" "oh yes", etc.

interpersonal power, the types of power, compliance gaining

power derives from the ability to meet the other person's needs. it is circumstantial and negotiated. legitimate power-power that is based on respect for a position a person holds referent power-power that comes from our attraction to another person expert power-based on a person's knowledge and experience reward power-based on another person's ability to satisfy your needs coercive power-involves the use of sanction or punishment to influence other people.

listening barriers

retaining information listening gap conversational narcissism(self-absorbed-in love with one self) emotional noise(emotional arousal that interferes with communication) ambush listening(person who eagerly pounces on the speaker to argue, criticize or find fault with what they have said) speech rate(have time to daydream cause your brain processes words much quicker than someone can speak) shifting attention information overload external noise listener apprehension(fear of misunderstanding or misinterpreting, or of not being able to adjust)

bypassing

same words that have different meanings for different people 500 daily words - 14000 different meanings example: yankee pound

5 components or stages of listening

selecting-selective perception attending-focus on items that meet your needs understanding- assign meaning remembering- memory responding - feedback

vocal cues - backchannel cues

signaling when we want or don't want to talk example: when we want to talk we may start interrupting "ah, oh, um"

enhancing empathic listening skills

social de-centering-cognitive process in which you take into account another person's thoughts, values, background, and perspectives as you interact with that person. empathy vs. sympathy - empathy is feeling what someone else is feeling. sympathy is when you tell someone you are sorry he or she feels the way they do. other oriented equation - social decentering + empathy

symbolic interaction theory

society is bound together by the common usage of symbols (cross, arrow, powercat, bald eagle, chiefs, etc.)

static evaluation

statement that fails to recognize change; labels in particular have a tendency to freeze-frame our awareness. Someone who was a "nerd" in high school but is super successful now.

4 challenges of interpreting nonverbal messages

they are often ambiguous meaning the person displaying the nonverbal messages may be the only one who understands what they mean. they are continuous - words have a beginning and end but nonverbal is much harder to figure out they are multi channeled meaning we get nonverbal cues from a variety of sources at the same time. they are culture based meaning nonverbal communication differs based on who you are with or where you are.

conflict triggers and dialectical tensions

triggers are entitlement and fairness dialectical tensions stems from people's need for two things at the same time.

worldview, profanity, euphemism

worldview-how people interpret what they experience profanity-words that people consider obscene, rude or insensitive, has an impact on our relationships euphemism-expression that describes something vulgar or profane(or something people prefer not to talk about directly) but uses less explicit language (the f word)