Listening

Types of Paraphrasing Statements

1. Change the speaker's wording (ex: "Bilingual education is just another failed idea of bleeding-heart liberals"--> (Paraphrase) "So, if I understand what you're saying, you're made because you think bilingual ed sounds good, but doesn't work?" 2. Offer an example of what you think the speaker is talking about (ex: "Lee is such a jerk. I can't believe the way he acted last night."--> (Paraphrase) "You thought those jokes were pretty offensive, huh?" 3. Reflect he underlying theme of the speaker's remarks (ex: A partial perception check is appropriate. (Paraphrase) "You keep telling me to be careful. Sounds like you're worried something's going to happen to me. Am I right?"

Types of Listening Responses

<-(More reflective, less responsive) Silent listening, -- questioning, -- paraphrasing, --empathizing, -- supporting, -- analyzing, -- evaluating, -- advising (Less reflective, more responsive)->

Empathizing

A response style listeners use when they want to show that they identify with a speaker. "I see." "Wow!" "I can see that really hurts." Falls near the middle of the listening response continuum. How NOT to empathize: Denying others the right to their feelings Minimizing the significance of the situation Focus on yourself Raining on the speaker's parade

Rapid Thought

Careful listening is difficult because our minds are so active. We have a lot of "spare time" to spend with our minds while someone is talking. The temptation is to use this time in ways that don't relate to the other speaker's ideas, such as thinking about personal interests, daydreaming, planning a rebuttal, etc. The trick is to use this spare time to understand the speaker's ideas better rather than let your attention wander

Analytical Listener

Concerned about attending to the full message before coming to judgement. Want to hear details and analyze an issue from a variety of perspectives. Engage in systematic thinking. Can be a big help when the goal is to assess the quality of ideas and when there is value in looking at issues from a wide range of perspectives. Valuable when the issues at hand are complicated. Approach can be time consuming & impractical when a deadline is fast-approaching

Paraphrasing

Feedback that restates (not repeat), in your own words, the message you thought the speaker sent. Do not "parrot-phrase," you will look dumb and might still misunderstand. Allows you to find out if the message received is the message the sender intended. Draws out further information from the speaker (A good paraphrase often ends with a question such as "Is that what you meant?") An ideal way to take the heat out of intense discussions.

Mindful Listening

Giving careful & thoughtful attention and responses to the messages we receive. When a message is important to you & someone you care about it speaking about a matter important to them. Think of how your ears perk up when someone starts talking about your favorite hobby or a close friends tells you about he loss of a loved one. You want to give the message-sender your complete and undivided attention. Sometime we respond mindlessly to information that deserves mindful attention. Most of our daily decisions about whether to listen mindfully don't have life-and-death consequences, but there are times when we need to listen consciously and carefully to what others are telling us.

Responding

Giving observable feedback to the speaker. A major difference between effective & ineffective listening is the kind of feedback offered. Good listeners show that they were attentive by nonverbal behaviors such as keeping eye contact and reacting with appropriate facial expressions. Their verbal behavior also demonstrates their attention. A slumped posture, bored expression, and yawning send a clear message that you are not tuned in to the speaker

Barriers to listening

Information overload, personal concerns, rapid thought, and noise

Stage Hogging

Interested only in expressing their idea & don't care about what anyone else has to say. Allow you to speak from time to time only to catch their breath & use your remarks as a basis for their own babbling. Ask questions, but not other-oriented, information-seeking ones. Ask counterfeit questions to demonstrate their superiority and hold the floor.

Personal Concerns

It's hard to pay attention to someone else when you're anticipating an upcoming test or thinking about the wonderful time you had last night. When we still feel that we have to pay attention to others while our focus is elsewhere, listening becomes mindless at best and often a polite charade.

Filling in Gaps

Like to think what they remember makes a whole story. Manufacture information so when they retell it, they can give the impressions that they "got it all." Actually a distorted (not merely incomplete) version of the real message

Ambushing

Listen carefully to you only because he/she is collecting information that will be used to attack what you have to say. Justifiably initiates defensiveness from the other person.

Challenges of Listening

Listening is not easy: Information overload, personal concerns, rapid though, noise. All listeners do not receive the same message. Poor listening habits.

Pseudolistening

Only an imitation of the real thing. Pretend to pay attention: Look you in the eye, nod, smile, but their minds are in another world

Insulated Listening

Opposite of selective listening. Instead of looking for something, they avoid it. When a topic arises they'd rather not deal with, they simply fail to hear or acknowledge it

Selective Listening

People respond only to the parts of a speaker's remarks that interest them, rejecting everything else. Unless & until you bring up one of those pet subjects, you might as well be talking to a tree

Remembering

Phase in the listening process in which a message is recalled. Function of # of times information is heard/repeated, how much there is to store, & whether information may be "rehearsed" or not. People remember only about half of what they hear immediately after hearing it, even when they listen mindfully. Within 2 months, 50% of the originally remembered portion is forgotten. People start forgetting immediately. These amounts vary from person to person and depend on the important of the information being recalled. This can cause relational problems, as people often feel slighted when others-especially loved ones- don't remember things they've heard.

Listening

Process of receiving & responding to other's messages. Occurs when the brain reconstructs these electrochemical impulses into a representation of the original sound and them gives them meaning.

Counterfeit Questions

Questions that are disguised attempts to send a message rather than elicit information

Advising

Receiver offers suggestions about how the speaker should deal with a problem "You should take some time off." Might be just what the person needs, but often isn't helpful. Tempting to tell others how you would behave in their place but what's right for one person may not be right for another. The position of "advice recipient" is a potentially unwelcome identity because it implies advice giver may be superior and that somehow the receiver is at fault. Often allows others to avoid responsibility for their decisions. Consider: Is advice needed? Wanted? Given in the right sequence? Coming from an expert? Offered in a sensitive, face-saving manner? Is the advisor a close & trusted person?

Silent Listening

Staying attentive & nonverbally responsive without offering any verbal feedback. Isn't just an avoidance strategy. Right approach when you are open to other person's ideas but interjection wouldn't be appropriate. Can help others solve their problems. "Hearing into being."

Critical Listener

Strong desire to evaluate messages. May or may no apply the tools of analytic listening; go beyond trying to understand the topic at hand & try to assess its quality. Focus on the accuracy & consistency of a message. Helpful when the goal is to investigate a problem. Can frustrate other who may think they nitpick everything others say

Defensive Listening

Take innocent comments as personal attacks. Suffering from shaky self-images. Avoid facing this by projecting their own insecurities onto others

Hearing

The process in which sound waves strike the eardrum & cause vibration that are transmitted to the brain. Barring illness, injury, cotton plug, you can't stop hearing. Your ears will pick up sound waves and transmit them to your brain whether you want them to or not. Many times we hear but do not listen. Sometimes we automatically block out irritating sounds, such as a neighbors lawn mower. We also stop listening when we find a subject unimportant or uninteresting.

Information Overload

The sheer amount of information most of us encounter every day makes it impossible to listen carefully to everything we hear. We're bombarded with message not only in face-to-face interaction, but also from the Internet, the media, cell phone, etc. It's virtually impossible for us to keep our attention focused for long. We often choose- understandably and sometimes wisely- to listen mindlessly rather than mindfully.

Mindless Listening

We react to other's messages automatically and routinely, without much mental investment. Frees us to focus our mind on messages that require our careful attention. "Superficial" and "cursory" describe mindless listening. May sound negative, but this sort of low-level information processing is a potentially valuable type of communication because it frees up to focus our minds on messages that require our careful attention. It's unrealistic to devote your attention to long-winded stories, idle chatter, or remarks you've heard many times before.