Marital Life Cycle Final

Stage 1: Second order changes in family status required to proceed developmentally

1. Differentiation of self in relation to FOO 2. Development of intimate peer relationships 3. Establishment of self in respect to work and financial independence. 4. Establishment of self in community and larger society 5. Spirituality?

Remarriage Tasks

1. Entering New Relationship 2. Conceptualizing and planning new marriage and family 3. Remarriage and Reconstruction of Family 4. Renegotiation of Remarried family at all future life cycle transitions

Stage 2: Second order changes in family status required to proceed developmentally

1. Formation of partner system 2. Realignment of relationships with extended family, friends, and larger community and social system to include new partners.

Enmeshment

Minuchin's term for loss of autonomy due to a blurring of psychological boundaries

Disengagement

Minuchin's term for psychological isolation that results from overly rigid boundaries around individuals and subsystems in a family

Fit

Not a technique or anything done by therapist. Just happens and includes elements of personal style, wisdom, charisma and resourcefulness and how the 2 life cycles combine

Peripheral Parent

One abdicates role Results in connected spouse feeling resentful

Pouting Spouse

One spouse fails to make space (feels competitive) Results in resentment from spouse that feels inappropriately abandoned and neglected

Stage 2:Emotional Process of Transition/Key Principles

Commitment to new system

equilibrium

-balanced, symmetry, stability, -interventions disrupt equilibrium

1. Emotional 2. Social 3. Sexual 4. Intellectual 5. Recreational

PAIR Levels of Intimacy

Developmental Issues for Entering New Relationship

Re-commitment to marriage and to forming a family with readiness to deal with the complexity and ambiguity

Entering New Relationship Emotional Process of Transition: Prerequisite Attitude

Recovery from loss of 1st marriage (adequate emotional divorce)

To be aware of own personal issues

1. look at own FOO and identify themes, patterns and personal sensitivities 2. Sense sensitivities in session by monitoring feelings and reactions OR watching own therapy tapes

Conceptualizing and planning new marriage and family Emotional Process of Transition: Prerequisite Attitude

1. Accepting one's own fears and those of new spouse and children about forming a new family 2. Accepting need for time and patience for adjustment to complexity and ambiguity of a) Multiple new roles b)Boundaries: space, time, membership and authority c)Affective issues: guilt, loyalty conflict, desire for mutuality, unresolvable past hruts

Stage 3: Second order changes in family status required to proceed developmentally

1. Adjustment of couple system to make space for children 2. Collaboration in child rearing, financial and housekeeping tasks 3. Realignment of relationships with extended family to include parenting and grand parenting tasks 4. Realignment of relationships with community and larger social system to include new family structure and relationships

Person of the therapist issues (POT)

1. Broad perspective (what you bring to therapy) a) professional skills, knowledge and training b) natural posture and demeanor c) personal issues (in general and precipitate by broad range of circumstances) Beliefs, biases and and prejudices AND anxiety provoking issues (that cause loss of objectivity) 2. Narrowing the perspective (FOO influences) subtle 3. Further narrowing of the perspective (Own life cycle development)

Developmental Issues for Renegotiation of Remarried family at all future life cycle transitions

1. Changes as each child graduates, marries, dies, or becomes ill 2. Changes as each spouse forms new couple relationship, remarries, moves, becomes ill, or dies

Stage 7: Second order changes in family status required to proceed developmentally

1. Dealing with loss of spouse, siblings, and other peers 2. Making preparations for death and legacy 3. Managing reversed roles in care taking between middle and older generations 4. Realignment of relationship with larger community and social system to acknowledge changing life cycle relationships.

Two primary factors that determine the level of functioning a couple is at

1. General well being (individuals and the relationship) 2. Readiness to deal with their difficulty (desire for change, how much resistance to change exists, how open they are to truth vs denial)

Issues in Marital Adjustment for Stage 2

1. Having marked differences in power, socioeconomic status or career options 2. One spouse is financially dependent on other because of lack of employment or job skills 3. Husband tries to isolate wife from work, family, friends to control her financially or intimidate her physically 4. The couple meets or marries shortly after a significant loss 5. Wish to distance from one's FOO a factor in marriage 6. Family backgrounds are significantly different 7. Spouses come from incompatible sibling constellations 8. The couple resides either extremely close or far away from FOO 9. The couple is dependant on the extended family financially, physically or emotionally 10. Couple marries early (before 20) or late (after 35) 11. Couple marries after an acquaintanceship of less than 6 months or more than 3 years of engagement 12. Wedding occurs without friends or family present 13. Wife becomes pregnant before or within the first year of marriage 14. Etierh has a poor relationship with siblings or parents 15. Either considers childhood or adolescence unhappy 16. Marital patterns in either extended family were unstable 17. One believes that men's rights, needs or privilege should predominate in marriage and women should serve the needs of others

Change in Relationship

1. Healing (reconciling hurts, dealing with blockages and resistance) 2. Closeness (increasing emotional intimacy) 3. More trusting (willing to take risks) 4. More passionate 5. Commitment (intentionally to relationship, what to for change in behavior) 6. Satisfaction (greater satisfaction with relationship)

Common problems or misconceptions of blending families

1. Its just the same as other families 2. Denial of problems 3. Stepparent having problems when not seen as authority in new family 4. Couples' inability to present a united front 5. Thinking that death of the spouse makes step-parenting easier 6. Thinking the stepchildren are easier to deal with when they don't live at home 7. Thinking that love happens instantly between members of a new family 8. Breaking old intimacy habits that are inappropriate

Stage 3 Changes in Marital Relationship

1. children Precipitate regimentation 2. children Place Stress on Finances 3. children Interfere with prioritization of marital relationship 4. children place stress on physical endurance 5. children place stress on emotional energy 6. adequate care of children require much cooperation between parents 7. raising children often results in unanticipated emotions.

Stage 6: Second order changes in family status required to proceed developmentally

1. Maintenance of won and/or couple functioning and interests in face of physiological decline: exploration of new familial and social role options 2. Supporting more central role of middle generations 3. Realignment of the system in relation to community and larger social system to acknowledge changed pattern of family relationships of this stage 4. Making room for the system for the wisdom and experience of elders 5. Supporting older generation without over functioning for them

Enrichment Retreat Types

1. Marriage Encounter 2. Marriage Communication Lab 3. Association of Couples for Marriage Enrichment

Four Levels Model for Intervention

1. Permission Giving (HIGH functioning) NORMALIZING 2. Limited information (Low high functioning) POINTERS 3. Specific Suggestions (High low functioning TRAINING (communication, assertiveness) 4. Intensive Therapy (LOW functioning) NOT appropriate for Enrichment Retreats (Needs to figure out where resistance is coming from and what significant interferences exist)

Variations of adjustment failures in Stage 3

1. Pouting spouse 2. Children are burden 3. Neglected marriage 4. Peripheral parent 5. Too many parents 6. Loss of power

Stage 5: Second order changes in family status required to proceed developmentally

1. Renegotiation of couple system as a dyad 2. Development of adult to adult relationship between parents and grown children 3. Realignment of relationships to include in-laws and grandchildren 4. Realignment of relationships with community and larger social system to include new structure and constellation of family relationships 5. Exploration of new interests/career given the freedom from childcare responsibilities 6. Dealing with care needs, disabilities, and death of parents (grandparents)

Remarriage and Reconstruction of Family Emotional Process of Transition: Prerequisite Attitude

1. Resolution of attachment to previous spouse and ideal of "intact" family 2. Acceptance of different model of family with permeable boundaries

Developmental Issues for Remarriage and Reconstruction of Family

1. Restructuring family boundaries to allow for inclusion of new spouse-stepparent 2. Realignment of relationships and financial arrangements to permit interweaving of several systems 3. Making room for relationships of all children with all parents, grandparents, and other extended family. 4. Sharing memories and histories to enhance stepfamily intergration

Formats of Enrichment Retreats

1. Seminars 2. Mini Retreats 3. Full Retreats

Stage 4: Second order changes in family status required to proceed developmentally

1. Shift of parent/child relationship to permit adolescent to move into and out of system 2. Refocus on midlife couple and career issues 3. Begin shift toward caring for older generation 4. Realignment with community and larger social system to include shifting family of emerging adolescent and parents in new formation patterns of relating.

Three major ways life cycles combine

1. Therapist not yet experienced family stage 2. Therapist currently in same life cycle as family 3. Therapist already been through life cycle

Predictors of difficulty making transition to remarriage

1. Wide discrepancy between the family life cycles 2. Denial of prior loss and/or short interval between marriages 3. Failure to resolve intense relationship issues of the first family 4. Lack of awareness of emotional difficulties of remarriage for children 5. Inability to give up ideal of intact first family and move to a new concept model of family 6. Efforts to draw firm boundaries around new household membership and push for primary loyalty and cohesiveness 7. Exclusion of natural parents or grandparents or combating their influence 8. Denial of differences and difficulties and acting as if this is an ordinary household 9. Shift in custody of children near time of remarriage

Developmental Issues for Conceptualizing and planning new marriage and family

1. Working on openness in the new relationships to avoid pseudo-mutuality 2. Planning for maintenance of cooperative financial and co-parental relationships with ex-spouses 3. Planning to help children deal with fears, loyalty conflicts and membership in two systems 4. Realignment of relationships with extended family to include new spouse and children 5. Planning maintenance of connections for children with extended family of ex-spouses

Self Protective:generic "It is uncomfortable to share with ___ Self Protective:specific "It is uncomfortable to share with w/h Minimal need/desire "I don't have the need/desire to share Role Perception "It is not my role to share" Faulty Learning "I never learned to share"

5 Excuses for Avoidance of Intimacy

Family Constellation

A powerful method to help you recognize difficult entanglements both in your family of origin as well as in your present family or relationship.

Stage 5: Emotional Process of Transition/Key Principles

Accepting a mulititude of exits from and entries into the system

Stage 1 Emotional Process of Transition/Key Principles

Accepting emotional and financial responsibility for self

Renegotiation of Remarried family Emotional Process of Transition: Prerequisite Attitude

Accepting evolving relationships of transformed remarried family

Stage 3: Emotional Process of Transition/Key Principles

Accepting new members into the system

Stage 7: Emotional Process of Transition/Key Principles

Accepting the realities of limitations and death and the completion of one cycle of life

Stage 6: Emotional Process of Transition/Key Principles

Accepting the shifting generational roles

BASIC paradigm for Marriage Enrichment

Beliefs Assessment Skills Insight Change in relationship

Neglected marriage

Both spouses fail to balance parenting demands Results in challenge to romance

Children are a burden

Both spouses fail to make space Results in disengagement, children feel neglected and unloved, could develop behavior problems.

Joining

Efforts made by the therapist to become a part of the couple or family

Assessment

How the relationship is doing. How are they really as a couple

Stage 4: Emotional Process of Transition/Key Principles

Increasing flexibility of family boundaries to permit children's independence and grandparent's frailties

Bowenian approach of person in the therapist

Look at own FOO

1. Reasonable 2. Questionable 3. Moderate 4. Extreme

Marriageable Categories

Marriage intimacy Inventory

Measures conflict and intimacy avoidance

1. Leaving Home/Emerging Young Adults (Single) 2. Joining Families through marriage or union 3. Couple with young children 4. Couple with adolescents 5. Launching Children & Moving Into Midlife 6. Late Middle Life 7. End of Life Period

Stages of Marriage (Family Life Cycle)

Beliefs

The picture of health, are they ready for 2nd order change?

Revised Dyadic Adjustment Scale-

Usually given as a pre- and -post assessment

Insight

What I bring, what WE have developed, how LIFE interferes. Normalize, where did I gather these expectations...

Too many parents

When grandparents are too involved Results in failing to maintain clear boundaries, create resentment in spouses and confusion in children

Homeostasis

a balanced steady state of equilibrium (status quo reliable and dependable)

To grow in the person of the therapist

a process that requires time and experience with self examination in and out of session 1. aware of own personal issues (self-awareness) 2. deal with what you find 3. control it versus allowing it to control you

Loss of power

from healthy symmetry to strongly complementary dynamic Results in feelings of resentment if becoming domestic precipitates a loss of power

Skills

teaching/learning new skills (communication, conflict resolution)