Midterm #2 (Lecture)

Mechanisms of Motivated Reasoning

(1) Plan A: Keep negative information out of awareness (if there is something bad in the relationship and I am vaguely aware of it, what I would really like to do, is not be aware of it at all) -Selective Attention (don't pay attention to the bad stuff and focus on the good stuff- this is why similarity is a poor basis for a relationship because you will never be completely similar to anyone in this world) -Empathic Accuracy (accurately knowing what your partner is feeling at a given time- there is sometimes when empathic accuracy is actually not a good thing. Example: brought couples into the lab and video taped them talking about a problem. The couples were then brought into separate rooms and were shown their film- they were asked to rate their moment-to-moment feelings. Each partner was then asked to watch the film again and rate their partners moment-to-moment feelings. If the interaction went well, more empathic accuracy was better (associated with higher relationship satisfaction). But when couples did not have a good interaction, they were happier the less accurate they were. In other words, if your partner is pissed at you, its better not to know it (at least in the short term) -Memory Bias (if you can't ignore it, forget it. Even though all relationships decline in satisfaction over time, when couples are asked how their satisfaction has changed, they say its been getting better and better. It feels bad to know that your marital satisfaction is going down so they ignore it and say that its not... I don't recall a decline, I look back on improvement) (2) Plan B: Minimize negative information. -Flexible standards (change your standards as your relationship changes. Example: gave newlyweds early in their relationship a list of 20 qualities and asked them to rate their marriage on those 20 qualities, after they were asked to rate how important these qualities were to them. For each individuals researchers looked at the association between the rating of each quality and the importance of that quality to each given participant. For some people, importance rating were highly associated with how they felt about the relationship (the more positive the domain, the more important it was- if something is good, its important, if something is bad, its not important). The happiest people were the ones that thought the best part of their relationship was the most important part and the worst part of their relationship was the least important part. Went back to these people 2 years laters and these ratings changed, however, the new best parts of their relationships were their new most important domains. Those who kept their same standards even though their relationship was changing declined the most in martial satisfaction. The happiest people were the most flexible ones. -Derogating alternatives (putting alternatives down. Bring people into the lab, some of which are single and some of which are in relationships and you ask them to rate pictures of potential partners. Those in relationships rate attractive potential partners lower than single people do) -Adaptive attributions (an attribution is an explanation for an event. If my partner does something negative, like show up late, this is a chance for me to make an attribution. Happy couples tend to make attributes that excuse their partner for negative behaviors and give their partner credit for positive behaviors- the more couples do this, the more happy they are and they more happy they stay over time. Happy couples look for external and temporary explanations for their partner's negative behavior.

Why might IOMT, IBCT, and EFCT be better than traditional cognitive behavioral therapy?

***These therapies have certain elements that are lacking in CBT: 1. Unified Detachment: Helping couples to step back from patterns and see their behavior in an unemotional way. Externalizing the problem in couples therapy. You guys are a team and the problem you are struggling with is over there, its not you. You unify the couple. 2. Empathic Joining: Having partners express their emotions and feel closer because of it. -leaves partners feeling understood, validated, and cared for. -Get beyond the "hard" feelings to the vulnerable feelings -Reflect how painful those feelings are -Reframe those feelings in a relationship-enhancing way -Both techniques get to the deeper issues. Not talking about "derivative" problems. -Both techniques work more towards "acceptance" and "understanding" than towards "change."

Which couples therapies are better?

**Other therapies are probably better than behavioral couples therapy. To do this kind of comparison, you have to train the same therapist to give different types of therapy in order to eliminate individual differences in your results. This is very hard to do but it is possible. 1. Insight-Oriented Marital Therapy (IOMT): -Better than TBCT after 4 years (Snyder et al., 1991). 2. Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy (IBCT): -After 2 years, similar to TBCT in clinically significant change (69% vs. 60% reliably improved or recovered). Among intact couples, IBCT produces higher satisfaction scores (Christensen et al., 2006). 3. Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT): -More effective than TBCT at the end of therapy (Dunn & Schwebel, 1995).

What do contexts and niches mean?

-"Contexts and niches' refer to the developmental transitions, situations, incidents, and chronic and acute circumstances that spouses and couples encounter." -Developmental transitions: some people have intimate relationships in high school, some have them in a nursing home, pre-college, post-college, etc. Relationships will all be affect differently by these contexts -Situations, incidents, and chronic and acute circumstances: some people are rich, some are poor.

Bill Clinton Example

-"Everyone has dysfunction in their families. You don't walk away if you love someone. You help the person." (Minimizing the information) -He is "a very, very good man." (selective attention) -"We did have a very good stretch, years and years of nothing" following G. Flowers (memory bias) -"In Christian theology there are sins of weakness and sins of malice, and this was a sin of weakness." (adaptive attribution- another example: he's a sex addict)

Facts about relationship violence

-1 to 4 million U.S. women are assaulted by a male partner each year (there is so much variability because a lot of cops are called with complaints of domestic violence but soon after these people withdraw their complaints) -In general, women are much less likely than men to be victims of all crime (ex. men are more likely to be mugged in the street, men are more likely to be robbed, etc). However, women are 5 to 8 times more likely to be victims of relationship violence than men are. -Violence by an intimate partner accounts for 21% of all violence against women, but only 2% of violence against men. -According to the US Department of Justice, 33% (one-third) of all murdered women are killed by an intimate partner.

Health Behaviors in Marriage - Diet and Weight

-2195 individuals living in Australia -Elderly men had a healthier diet when living with a spouse than men living alone -No differences for women -A systematic review of 20 articles revealed that: -Transitions into marriage were associated with small weight gains -Transitions out of marriage were associated with weight loss -No effect of gender

Communal Coping

-57 patients with heart failure and their spouses -Discussed how they coped with the illness -Pronoun counts -Spouse we-talk predicted positive changes in symptoms and general health over 6 months

Physiological Pathways: Immune Function

-63 newlywed couples: -Baseline assessment of martial quality -2 blood draws -42 married couples: -Conflict discussion -High levels of hostile behavior were associated with slower wound healing -1,715 participants: -Average age 70 years -Blood draw to assess CRP -Married men evidenced the lowest levels CRP

Physiological Pathways: Endocrine Function

-90 newlywed couples -30 minute conflict discussion -Endocrine samples collected before, during, and after the discussion -Hostile behavior during the discussion was associated with: -Increases in NE and E -Increases in ACTH

Consequences of Intimate Terrorism

-A lot of what we know about intimate terrorism comes from police reports and abuse shelters-their definition: a systematic and sustained strategy to dominate and control a partner through phsycial violence but not only physical violence, also verbal and psychological abuse, sexual coercion, economic and social control and threats. In common couple violence, the fighting is seen as part of a disagreement, in intimate terrorism, fighting is not apart of the argument but is an attempt to control. Strategies for control: threats, isolation, intimidation, social control, financial control, phsycial abuse. -Consequences include: -Physical Injury -Psychological Problems -Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder -Isolation -Economic difficulties -Trauma to children -Death

Health Behaviors in Marriage - Medication Adherence

-A meta-analysis of 122 studies revealed that: Marital status and cohabitation are modestly associated with adherence -Adherence is higher in patients from cohesive families -Adherence is lower in patients from families with high conflict

Implications of meaning

-Any given experience could take on varying meanings. -These meanings matter, because our emotions and actions are often guided by the meanings we infer. -The specific meaning we impose may depend on our motives in the moment. -Why do we make the meanings that we make? We do not just approach our relationships as objective scientists, we all have different motives that influence the way we make meaning.

What is the recipe for a strong, lasting, fulfilling intimate relationship?

-Be kind. -Be open. -Be forgiving (forgive your partner's slight disappointments) -Care for, validate, and love your partner. -Why is this hard? Seems so straightforward but it is very hard to follow. What are we missing? That every relationship happens within a certain context. Relationships happen in a range of different circumstances- some circumstances make relationships easier while some make it harder.

Why study cognition in relationships?

-Behavioral research assumes that behaviors have inherent meanings. -The idea that some behaviors have an inherent intrinsic meaning such that some behaviors are just good and some behaviors are just bad, is questionable. It may be true more or less for some behaviors but maybe not for most behaviors. -In fact, behaviors are ambiguous (subject to multiple different interpretations- the same behavior may have different meanings in some relationships, for different people, or the same people but at different times of day or periods of their life. -The Annie Hall example: a film about a relationship that starts, proceeds, and then ends. The couple has trouble and they go to see their therapists (each individually) and they have different complaints about their sex life. The man complains that his partner never wants to have sex, "were down to three times per week." The woman complains that they are having too much sex, "sex is all we do, we're having it like three times per week." They agree about how many times they are having sex per week but the meanings are very different. For him it is not enough but for her it is too much. -Meaning in relationships comes partly from the behavior, and partly from how we interpret it.

Does couples therapy work?

-Best data is for behavioral models and emotion models. -TBCT is a benchmark intervention now. -TBCT works reasonably well, compared to nothing. -When you randomly assign distressed couples to behavioral therapy, they are significantly less stressed than couple who did not get any form of therapy. -A large experimental literature has enabled rapid progress in evaluating this model. Why? Because it is the easiest to study. It is easy to train therapists to do it and its easy to teach them to do it in the same exact way. Very easy to systematize. -Far less is known about the effects of psychodynamic and systems models. Almost nothing is known about these therapies because it is difficult systematize- different therapists are going to uncover different dreams and unconscious memories than others would. Its hard to quantify and study (but just because its hard to study does not mean that it does not work, it only means its hard to study. It does not mean that they are not effective, we just don't know if they are effective).

Secondary prevention: Should all couples be treated the same?

-Building Strong Families Study, built on the Fragile study that looked at unmarried couples having a baby together and they asked the couples right after the baby was born if they planned on getting married (80% said yes) but 70% had broken up. The government said? what intervention could we give them that would help them stay together? The formed PREP which were given to low income couples who had just had a baby- were these couples more likely to stay together three years later, there was no difference between those who got the treatment and those who did not. Millions of dollars went to waste. It did not work at all. -Halford, Sanders, & Behrens 2001 -newly married couples and assigned them to receive S-PREP which is a self- administered version of the failed intervention. -Random assignment to S-PREP or control group. Control couples read a book about relationships and talked with a counselor in a group setting. -High and low risk couples included in the sample -High risk = parents divorced OR father was aggressive toward mother. -Low risk = neither of these present in the couple. -Satisfaction changes computed over 4 years. -Low risk folks do better in the control group than in the S-PREP group! -High risk folks do better in S-PREP than in the control group - especially men. -In the low risk women, the ones that got the intervention did worse than the ones that didn't. If you don't have any problems you should not go searching for potential issues. In contrast, the high risk people did significantly better when they got the intervention than when they did not.

Relationship Violence Controversy

-By the mid 1990s, there was a controversy in the field of intimate partner violence research. -The picture that emerges from this research is that IPV is: 1. Relatively common (lots of people are doing it) 2. Mutual (husbands and wives are doing it to a similar degree) 3. Unrelated to relationship satisfaction (it is happening in happy and unhappy couples) -Advocacy groups for battered women are not buying this story (these people did not believe this research- they saw women who were being seriously injured, not just slapped. And all of their victims were women who were being abused by men. They wondered how researchers could possibly say violence is a common, mutual thing... answer is, there are two different types of intimate partner violence.)

Common Problems as Rated by Therapists

-COMMUNICATION (87%) -POWER STRUGGLES(62%) -UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS (50%) -Sex (47%) -Solving Problems (47%) -Showing Affection (45%) -Money and Finances (43%) -Lack of Loving Feelings (40%) -Children (38%) -SERIOUS PERSONAL ISSUES (38%) **The ones that are capitalized are not only common but they are also the most difficult to treat. The most frequent problems that couples present in therapy are also the hardest to solve. **There are no differences between what different-sex and same-sex couples present in therapy

Example of global vs, specific meaning

-Concrete behavior: she seems cold and distant (what does this mean?) -Specific meaning option #1: she must have had a bad day----> global meaning in response to #1: Gosh, I love that hard-working woman! -Specific meaning option #2: she does not care about me----> global meaning in response to #2: I am sick of this empty relationship

Conflict: what predicts the future?

-Couples who are negative will experience faster declines in marital quality --But only when humor, interest, and affection are relatively rare --Positive emotion can override the effects of negative content during conflict. -What do humor, interest, and affection contribute to our conversations? What is the message? What is the impact of this message?

Common "dysfunction" beliefs about intimate relationships?

-Disagreement is Destructive (if you believe that having arguments is inevitable and believe that they can actually serve as a healthy function of a relationship, when you encounter one with your partner, it won't be such a big deal. If you believe that couples should never fight, when you encounter one with your partner it is going to be very distressing) -Mind-reading is Expected (if you believe that your partner is suppose to know what you are thinking, what happens when they don't? Oh no, what happened to our psychic pure bond?? I totally wanted you to come home with a pizza tonight and you didn't, maybe we aren't in sync? Maybe you are selfish?) -Sex must be Perfect (if you believe that sex is suppose to be perfect, what happens the one time it isn't? Oh no, what is happening to our connection?) -Men and Women are Basically Different (do you believe that men and women speak different languages? Do you think men and woman have different needs in relationships? If you believe this, what happens when you and your partner disagree? Oh, you're just doing what women do. We're just different species, why should we even bother arguing? If you don't believe that men and women are fundamentally different, if your partner is feeling upset, you won't just attribute it to them being either a man or woman, you will try to find out what is wrong) *Our beliefs that we have about relationships shape our interpretations and reactions. *People who score higher on these beliefs listed above have been proved to be more rigid and distressed in their relationships compared to those who score low -Higher score are worse, lower scores are better

Escape conditioning

-Do we ever reinforce each other's negative behaviors? -A case study: the demand/ withdraw pattern (a pattern that characterizes unhappy couples more than happy couples-one partner wants something to change, the other partner is happy with the statuesque. The one who wants change has to ask for change, and the other responds by withdrawing. Now, in order to get your way, you have to demand more and the other withdraws even more. This cycle repeats itself and if the withdrawer gives in, the other partner gets reinforced for demanding. Men are more likely to be the withdrawer, women are more likely to want the change) -Social learning in action! (bad behavior is not just a symptom of unhappy relationships, they actually cause unhappy relationships)

Efficacy vs. Effectiveness

-Does therapy work? There are two ways of answering this question: -Efficacy: -The effect of a treatment under controlled conditions (in a lab, can you produce an effect?) -Under controlled settings, can the intervention produce lasting effects? -This is what most research addresses. -Example: condoms- you have fake penises in a lab and you test its breakage- they are very good, almost 99% of them do not break. -Effectiveness: -does this work in the real world? -In the real world, does the intervention produce lasting effects? -Effectiveness is much harder to show. -Example continued: real people are using condoms, some are drunk or high, sloppy, etc, and now the effectiveness rates are much lower

Dyadic Coping

-Dyadic coping: -Illness is a shared stressor -Both patient and partner are involved in managing the stressor

Why do men batter?

-Early childhood experiences (significant but weak relationship) -Desire to regain control (they feel like they need to control their partner) -Traditional gender roles -Powerlessness -Jealousy -Alcohol/substance abuse (rates are very high in people who engage in physical violence) -Personality Disorders: -Antisocial -Dysphoric-Borderline

Why do women stay in violent relationships?

-Fear (if I do leave, what will happen? He might kill me or my loved ones) -Financial Dependence (where will I go? He has all of the money) -Social Isolation (I'm already isolated from everyone) -Insufficient Resources and Information -Passivity and 'Learned Helplessness' -Self-Blame (I brought this on myself- your abusive partner has been telling you its your fault the whole time) -Norms of gender and culture (I shouldn't expect more, this is what I get for being a woman in this culture) -Love (You and a monster and I am the victim but I still see hope and I believe in you)

Emotion Models

-Focuses not on behavior, but emotion. We want relationships to be a safe place where we can express ourselves and our emotions. The more couples experience these protected moments of vulnerability, the more their scars will heal and be replace by memories of security and safety -Goal: -Encourage expression of core emotions and healthy responses to these expressions. -Help couples to see that their relationship is a safe place in which to express deep feelings, overcome one's own history in relationships. -Examples: -Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: related to attachment theory. helps couples express emotions to overcome "attachment injuries." the idea that you can create secure attachments within a couple by creating moments of security. Practice feeling and accepting each other's emotions. -Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy (IBCT): helps couples share soft emotions, objectively examine their problems, and become more accepting of them. kiss the idea of couples' problems changing goodbye. help couples accept each other instead. put each others' limitations in context. we do not get to use a veto on our lovers, you accept the whole thing or you don't. we are not trying to solve the problem or change the issue, we are trying to understand the problem. loving someone is loving their limitations.

Conflict Tactic Survey

-Frequently used questionnaire to assess couple violence -Designed as a progressive scale -Here is a series of behaviors you may have engaged in with your partner during a fight, please indicate which ones pertain to you -Presented in an increasing order of severity -Measures what you did, but it does not measure the impact you had/ damage you did to the person

Dimensions of environments

-From chronic circumstances to acute events. Chronic circumstances are the enduring circumstances of your life, SES in this country tends to be pretty chronic, physical health, whether you are tall or short, black or white. Acute events are experiences that have a measured onset and a measured offset- car accident, catching the flu. Chronic events tend to have a permanent effect on your relationship and acute events tend to have a more temporary effect. As acute stress goes up and down, people's relationship change (get better and worse as they vary) -From Controllable/Predictable to Uncontrollable/Unpredictable (example of a controllable/ predictable event: finals week, children leaving home. example of an uncontrollable/unpredictable: a tree fell on my house). You can plan and make arrangements in advance for controllable/ predictable stress, but you cannot do this for uncontrollable/unpredictable stress. -From direct effects on one to direct effects on both partners (if you and your partner have a sick child together, you guys are both under stress. If I have a test and my partner doesn't than I am only experiencing stress) -Some contexts help relationships and some contexts hurt relationships.

The ideal standards model

-How do we know if we are in a good or bad relationship? -We compare what we perceive we have in the relationship with pre-existing beliefs and values (our ideal standards). -If what I am getting exceeds my ideal standards then I am pretty happy -If I am getting less than my ideal standards then I am not so happy. -These ideas are central to the social exchange theory- same idea -Everybody differs in what their ideal standards are -Comparison levels return! -If I get more than I expect, I will be happy -If I get less than I expect, I will be less happy. -Fletcher and Kininmonth (1992): -Asked people in relationships two different types of questions: one type of questions was "tell me about your relationship-20 different things, such as how you communicate, how your sex is, how you cooperate, etc and rate how each one is going," the second kind of question was "using the same list, how important are each of these things to you?" -The nature of your experience only predicted relationship quality if those domains of experience were important to you. -When sex is important, correlates with satisfaction at .48 (when they were having good sex they were happy and when they were having bad sex they were unhappy- if they thought sex was important) -When sex is not important, correlates with satisfaction at .04. (whether or not they were having good sex did not make a difference in their satisfaction with their relationship because sex was not important to them). **This means you cannot just make a general suggestion to all couples, like "improve your sex life," because this will only matter to couples who view sex as important.

How does conflict affect children?

-How much are young children aware of the relationships of the adults around them? -Before developmental psychology, the answer was no, they do not have the capacity to understand. Kids were not considered sophisticated enough to understand the complexities of adult communication -Today's Answer: they are incredibly sensitive. -Bring young kids into a laboratory setting and expose them to interactions between adults, have them watch a video of adults talking to each other in different ways or you can have actors act out an interaction in front of the children. the dependent variable in these studies is the child's immediate behavior in response to the interaction they have witnessed. -Affected by conflict (kids mood and behavior is negatively affected by adult conflict even though the child is not directly involved in the argument) -Affected by resolution or not (the children's moods were worse if they were exposed to an unresolved conflict rather than if they saw a resolved conflict) -See right through mixed messages -It makes sense that kids are very aware of their parents arguments because from an evolutionary standpoint, children are dependent on their parents and they should care because their care may be affected by their parents argument.

Behavioral Models

-I don't care about where you come from, I care about your behaviors and which ones I will change. Tell me about the kind of fights that you have. -Goal: -Change the behaviors and cognitions that give rise to them. -Promote basic skills in communication. -Examples: -Traditional Behavioral Couples therapy (TBCT): literally has a workbook that couples can do at home, assign the couple homework. I want you to practice these skills for 15 minutes everyday. You and your partner take turns talking and echoing. Simply repeat what your partner has said without judgment. -Cognitive-Behavioral Couples Therapy (CBCT): couples go wrong not only when they fall into maladaptive behavioral patterns but also when they fall into maladaptive cognitive patterns, like blaming. So your homework will not only include behavioral tasks, but it also include work on cognitions to try and teach people to think positively.

Myths about relationship violence: IVP= Married

-IPV is highest in cohabiting couples, then married couples, then dating couples. -Which is interesting because you would think it would be higher in married couples because it is harder to leave a marriage, it is very expensive etc. There is less holding you back from leaving in a cohabiting couple so that is where we should see the least violence but its where we see the most. -IPV is as common in college student couples and adolescent couples (high school kids) -This means there is a tolerance and an acceptance of phsycial violence that is shocking.

The importance of making meaning

-If behaviors are ambiguous, then we are always making meaning, all of the time. -Global vs. specific meanings/interpretations of a partners behaviors -Example: let's say that we have a date and you are late. What kind of meaning am I going to make out of your lateness? Specific: you disappointed me today. Global: you are a disappointing person. -The same behavior can be interpreted as a specific and concrete issue, or it can be seen as a global, terrible thing. -Interpreting means linking a specific experience to a particular global meaning (we can link a global meaning to an experience or we can link a specific meaning to an experience) -We often have some choice in how we do this (we have some flexibility)

Can stress ever be good for a couple?

-If stress is a test, what happens when you pass? -The role of resources (i.e., stable conditions) -What is good isn't having stress per-say, but its having the necessary resources to deal with stress. If you have the resources then overcoming the stress will probably feel rewarding and good, but if you don't it can cause some serious damage. -Acute stress has weaker effects when chronic stress is low (strong association- acute stressors are more distressing to people who have more chronic stress) -Financial stress has weaker effects when social support is high (imagine you are poor and you have no social support, your family won't help you- the same event can be devastating for people who have chronically disadvantaged circumstances. If you are fired but you have a lot of people who support you, then this hit won't be as bad)

Implicit theories of relationships

-Implicit theories of relationships are your ideas about how relationships work that are usually not explicit, but still guide your thinking -Which statement do you agree with more? -"Relationships that do not start off well will fail." (if you find someone and fall in love that person will be your soulmate- if you find the right person, love should last forever and be easy) -"People can change the way they act." (opposite of this would be that people are born the way they will be for the rest of their lives) -Theories shape how people react to their experiences: if you believe that people can change the way they act, than your partner's personality is not strongly associated with your relationship satisfaction. In contrast, if your theory is that people cannot change, your ratings of your partner's personality are very strong predictors of your relationship satisfaction. -How much are your perceptions of your partner's personality linked to your satisfaction? -How much is initial satisfaction linked to relationship longevity?

Is marriage related to health?

-In contrast to their unmarried counterparts: -Women have a 50% higher mortality -Men have a 250% higher mortality

Myths about relationship violence: IVP= Male

-In many studies, self-report rates of intimate partner violence are as high or often higher in women's reports than in mens reports. -Straus et al., 1980 (again): -11.6% of wives admit to physical violence against spouse (compared to the 12.1% of men who said the same thing.) -Wives usually score higher on self-report scales of IPV: 1. O'Leary et al, 1992: -Men 31%, Women 44% 2. Lawrence, 2007: -Men 29%, Women 46% 3.Schumacher & Leonard: -Men 37%, Women 48% -In study after study, we are not only seeing equity between women's and mens' rates of violence behavior, we are also seeing higher rates among women. -How can this be? Class ideas: men are more often stigmatized for abuse and women are not. If a man is beating on a woman in public, strangers will step in to help, if a woman in public, no one will step in to help. Maybe women feel better about reporting violence because they are not stigmatized whereas men may feel worse about reporting violence so they don't because they do not want to seem like horrible people. In addition, a woman may have to do more in order to make an impact on their partner whereas a single hit from a man could do some serious damage on a woman. -The question of impact: Men on average can do more damage to women than women can do to men. A woman's punch may sting whereas a man's punch could break a woman's jaw.

Why is relationship maintenance so hard?

-Is it because people do not know what to do? Its not because people do not know enough. If this were true then every relationship scientist would have fantastic perfect relationships. Its not because we don't know what to do its because they cannot do what they know how to do. -Neff & Karney, 2004: -Measured happy newlyweds every six months for four years and asked them to report the stressors in their lives at the moment in addition to the kinds of attributions they made about their partners. When couples were experiencing higher than usual stress, they made worse attributions for each other's negative behaviors (they were less forgiving) but when those same couples were experiencing lower than average stress, they were able to make more adaptive attributions. Stress prevents us from doing what we know how to do. -The same couples who make adaptive attributions when stress is low, make maladaptive attributions when stress is high.

How can we determine if therapy works?

-Is it better than nothing? -Randomly assign couples to therapy or a wait-list control condition. -Is it better than other therapies? -Randomly assign couple to one of two types of therapy; can also compare between studies. -Does it work over the long term? -Follow couples for years after therapy to look at relapse. This is hard to do because once a couple finishes therapy they wish to leave it behind.

Content & Affect & Slopes

-Is there a difference between negative content (It's your fault) vs. negative emotions (I don't like you)? -172 newlywed couples, first marriages -Dependent Variable: slope, or rate of change in satisfaction over 4 years -Independent variable: 1. Positive vs. negative affect 2. Positive vs. negative content -Results: If you separate out negative content (like I am mad at you, you hurt my feelings and its your fault) vs. negative affect (expressions of sadness and disappointment) then you have low negative content, it did not matter what kind of affect you expressed- you have the same moderate decline in satisfaction over time as normal couples -If you have high negative content and not a lot of positive affect, you declined a lot. -If you have high negative content, but also high positive affect (able to express affection, humor, or interest) you have the same moderate decline in satisfaction over time as normal couples -What does this mean? It means negative content is bad but it is only bad for people who have low positive affect.

The Case For Primary Prevention

-Its obvious that tertiary prevention begins at a time where its most likely too late for couples to be repaired, why don't we advocate for more primary prevention? -Early on in relationships, motivation might be high. -Prevention may be 'easier' than treatment. -Collateral damage can be avoided. Health, children, work ... -Potential is great for reaching many couples.

A Typical Case: Jack and Jill

-Jill: I am not getting enough closeness from Jack. I also want him to do more at home and spend more time with the kids. -Jack: We have closeness but not enough sex. I want 'my own space' and to be valued for what I do contribute to the home. -Jill criticizes Jack because of his insensitivity and selfishness. Jack criticizes Jill for being cold and for being a nag. -Both feel: -misunderstood -powerless to improve the situation -unloved and unappreciated -pessimistic about the future of the relationship -Both are willing to invest in their relationship, but they also want something that will work.

What is conflict?

-Kurt Lewin: "Conflict arises when one person pursues his or her goals in doing so interferes with the other person's goals... Responses to this interference can vary in many ways." (when your actions get in the way of my goals and my actions get in the way of your goals- we cannot pursue our goals at the same time) -SO: -In every intimate relationship, some conflict is inevitable -What matters is how we respond to conflict situations (just because you have a conflict does not mean you will have a fight) -Social learning theory focuses on this question.

Health Behaviors in Marriage - Physical Activity

-Longitudinal study of male health professionals found that: -Remarriage leads to a significant decline in physical activity compared to individuals who remain unmarried -Prospective longitudinal study of 80,944 women revealed that: -Women who divorced increased their physical activity compared to women who stayed married

Common Couple Violence

-Many distressed partners do not view their aggression as a major problem. -When wives seeking marital therapy list their most important problems: -Asked two questions, (1) what is the problem in your marriage? -Just 6% list IPV (only 6% of wives said violence is the reason why I am here for therapy) (2) second question asked if there was violence in the relationship -But 56% of the couples report IPV in interviews (56% of wives said there was violence in their relationships- yeah there's violence but that's not the reason why I came therapy) -How could this be? Class ideas: maybe people who experience violence just see it as an extension of a communication problem? So they don't see the violence as the cause but as a symptom of another problem. -Study: followed couples for four years and investigated the chances of them still being together as a function of their severity of violence. Over time, the severely aggressive people were much more likely to be divorced. The moderately aggressive people, however, had the same survival rate as the non-aggressive people. What this means is that not all aggression is the same and aggression tends to decline the longer a couple is married (among all groups). Maybe severe aggression causes emotional wounds that do not heal well- even if the aggression goes away, you remember how badly that person hit you and the effects remain.

Physiological Pathways: Cardiovascular Function

-Marital conflict is associated with heightened blood pressure and heart rates -Excessive cardiovascular reactivity is a risk factor for hypertension and cardiovascular disease -90 post-MI patients: -Men who disclosed to their wives were less likely to be re-hospitalized in the year

Health Behaviors in Marriage - Alcohol Use

-National Longitudinal Survey of Youth (1979-2000) -Frequency of binge drinking declines from one year before to one year after marriage -Men: drop from 50% to 45% -Women: drop from 27% to 22% -Declines do not continue with more years of marriage

Siblings

-Nearly 90% of us have siblings. -The longest lasting relationship -For kids, conflict is more frequent in sibling relationships than any other relationship despite the fact that they are similar and biologically related -Why should this be? -Evolutionary approaches: why would it be adaptive to fight with your sibling? To compete for attention and resources from you parents. Its in my interest to get more than an equal share from my parents -Differential treatment: the doll vs. book study -Brought moms and their infants into the lab, asked the mom to set the baby down and then ignore it by either (a) reading a book or (b) to pretend that they are caring for a baby doll. Infants were significantly more distressed when the mom was caring for the baby doll

Conflict: predicting the future

-Negative behaviors should predict negative outcomes, right? -Some weird results: -Gottman & Krokoff, 1989 (looked at couples over time and found that wives' anger predicted positive implications for the relationship across two years- this study was flawed in many ways so Karney did another study, however they found the same results) -Karney & Bradbury, 1977 (wives negative behaviors predicted positive implications for couples over time) -Is it ever productive to get angry? Contempt is always bad but some kinds of angry is good if it represents a real problem. Some anger can promote change and lead to long-term positive outcomes. Sometimes you have to be direct if you want your partner to change. Only if the problem is severe. Not if you do this over little things.

In unhappy relationships, what once helped now hurts

-Negative perceptions dominate... -We attend more to the partner's negative actions. -We recall more negative experiences. -All your focused on is their negative behaviors and thats all they can think about -And we process them in less adaptive ways: -Our perceptions become rigid. -Other relationships look better than ours. -Our alternatives look better. -Our attributions flip. -In bad relationships, I won't even give you credit for your good behaviors.

Example of initial meaning vs. eventual meaning

-One behavior can have an initial meaning in a relationship but another meaning later on in the relationship -Concrete behavior: he does not talk much -Initial meaning: he is a brooding sensual hunk of a man -Eventual meaning: he is an oblivious, withdrawn brute.

Helping Violent Couples

-One size does not fit all! (you would not give the same advice to a couple struggling with common couple violence as you would to a women who suffers from intimate terrorism) -For Common Couple Violence: -Anger management -Communication skills -Couple therapy -For Intimate Terrorism: -One advice for women suffering from intimate terrorism: Help the victim to escape -Provide escape routes: give them a credit card with their name on it, tell them where the nearest shelter is, etc.

Why Examine Intimacy in Context?

-Otherwise identical relationships may function differently depending on their contexts (you may seemingly identical couples- for example, two couples that both met at and went to UCLA, they both lead to have very good jobs and children, however one couple gives with to a child with a chronic illness and one gives birth to healthy child.. now these couples have different contexts- they are going to have different experiences). -Relationships matter more under stress, yet might function more poorly because of it. -We learn about our relationship as a result of how we and our partner manage stress (we learn the most about our relationships when we are under stress)

Perceptual Confirmation

-Our expectations affect our perceptions -We tend to see what we expect to see. -The effects of rejection sensitivity (if I am high in rejection sensitivity and my partner is cold after getting home from work, how am I likely to feel? Oh no, my partner is probably falling out of love with me, maybe he is having an affair, I feel rejected, I feel humiliated. If I am low in rejection sensitivity and my partner is cold after getting home from work, how am I likely to interpret it? There was probably bad traffic, or trouble in the office) -The effects of low-self-esteem (leads people to think that their partner thinks less of them than their partners actually think) -Our interpretations can not only moderate how we react to our experiences but it can also give rise to certain experiences.

What can we do about stress?

-Pay attention to it! (pay attention to the role of stress in your life. this is hard to do because the fundamental attribution error says that we tend to blame other people for their behavior and underestimate the role of the external forces that may be causing their behavior. bad days are invisible- we don't see the bad things that have happened to our partners, we just see their behavior) -Bolger and the Bar Exam couples: -Studied couples were one partner was studying for the BAR exam- 3 weeks before the bar exam, the more my studying partner was in a bad mood, the worse I felt about the relationship- this association disappeared one week before the bar exam, my studying partner's negative mood has nothing to do with my feelings about the relationship because it is now clearer to see that their negative mood is because of the exam. The stress is not invisible one week before the exam, but it is harder to see three weeks before the exam. -Ironically, stress makes this hard to do.

Why Do Adult Relationships Matter So Much?

-Primary appraisals: -Effects on emotional regulation -asks, am I safe or not? If they are arguing does that mean I will not get fed? My diaper will not get changed? etc. If I have to ask these questions that means my security is being threatened and if my security is being threatened all the time this will effect my ability to regulate my emotions. It interferes with effective emotion regulation. -Secondary appraisals: -Effects on self-concept -After I ask if it is safe or not (primary) then I ask... Is it my fault (secondary) Why is this happening? -Some kids secondary appraisals lead them to blame themselves (may be fighting over parenting and to many kids this seems as though they are fighting because of them) -When kids blame themselves it affects their self esteem, children who blame themselves tend to feel worse about themselves **Both have long lasting psychological effects -Sensitization or desensitization? (sensitization: the more you are exposed, the stronger your reaction to it is, ex. the first time you get a bee sting and you are allergic the infection will be bad, the second time you are stung it will be even worse and the third time you are stung it can be fatal. desensitization: the more you are exposed, the less you react) -Which is true? Sensitization -Experimental evidence is clear, the more that children are exposed the worse their reactions/ behaviors are

Psychodynamic Models

-Psychodynamic models come directly from freud. This perspective says that relationships go bad because of unconscious wounds that all of us suffered during our childhood- connects closely with the attachment ideas we have discussed in this course. We unconsciously seek to heal these wounds through our adult relationships. Project our problems onto our partners. In a male-female relationship, the male partner is seeking what he wants from his mom and the female partner is seeking what she wants from her dad. -Goal: -Identify and change unconscious perceptions of partner and associated emotional reactions. -Promote 'authentic' connections unclouded by these perceptions. -Example of a modern therapy that is within this school: -Insight-Oriented Couple Therapy: helps the couple to integrate unconscious and/or maladaptive emotions and expectations. Spends a lot of time asking each partner what their childhood was like and as the family history of each partner gets explored, the therapist identities how these wounds affect the current relationship

Overall health behaviors in marriage

-Reductions in binge drinking -Better adherence -Small weight gains -Reductions in physical activity

Why is change difficult?

-Relationship problems are the #1 reason why people seek counseling (there are a lot of depressed people in this world but relationship advice is the number one reason why people seek therapy. Why might this be? When you are depressed you have to admit that you feel bad, but when you seek help for your relationship, half the blame is on your partner) -BUT: by the time couples seek counseling, their problems are usually severe and several years old (if you ask couples how long they have been struggling with the problems that led them to therapy, they will say something like 3 years) -Why are relationship problems so intense? -Why do couples wait so long before getting help? Class ideas: shame, people want to protect an image that they have it all together. Maybe denial is involved, because once I go to therapy I am admitting that there is a terrible problem that might break the relationship up. Money and time- therapy is not free and it requires time. Or maybe the couple thinks the problem isn't a big deal until it blows up in your face.

Primary vs. Secondary Prevention outcomes

-Response to preventive interventions appears to vary as a function of risk! -One size does not fit all. -When risk is high, the complete intervention is better. -When risk is low, the control intervention is better -If it is not broken, don't try to fix it!! -Secondary prevention is probably more viable than primary prevention. -Primary prevention is not good because it gives help to those who do not need it and this may create problems. -Tertiary prevention is hard because couples enter the therapy when its too late.

-Selection vs. Protection

-Selection - individuals who are already healthy and have other health-relevant resources may be more likely to get married -Physically fit and attractive -High paying employment -Protection - marriage promotes good health -Increased financial resources -Promotion of health behaviors

The motive to be right

-Self-protective motive -We look out for ourselves in relationships, and we are motivated to protect our interests. -The self-serving bias (if there is information or meanings that are available in an ambiguous situation, I will favor the meanings that make me look good/right) -This is especially true when the relationship is not going well. -When there is conflict, couples tend to polarize- find a resolution that makes you wrong and me right (one reason behind this is that I know more about my perspective than I know about yours. Because we cannot see into each others heads, there is no way for me to see all of the ways you are right and reasonable- I only see mine) -If there is conflict you cannot ignore, whose fault is it? (does it mean that someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong? what if two people are just different) -The role of differing perspectives -The need to be right favors the self over the relationship (when it comes to your needs, the relationships needs, or my needs... I'm going to choose mine- in the short term this is very rewarding but in the long term it is not)

Revisiting the Intimacy Process Model

-The impact of a behavior is not inherent to the behavior -It is shaped by the processes going on in the heads of each person -Interpretations are influenced by each person's motives, needs, and goals. -It is not just an exchange of behaviors, there are all sorts of interpretation processes that come into play -For this process to go right, its not just about the behaviors partners exchange, its also about the meaning you make for those behaviors.

Methods: how to study conflict

-Self-reports proved inadequate quickly (you can't ask people what they do because they are not good at knowing what they do-we are bad judges of ourselves in moments of conflict with our parents) -Learning to observe couples was key -They typical observational conflict paradigm: Locate happy and unhappy couples. Ask each spouse to identify a topic. Record their discussion for a few minutes. Compare observations of happy and unhappy couples. (whether or not you hide the camera does not make a difference- people quickly forget that the camera is there- an argument is much more compelling than a camera)

Effects of Siblings

-Sibling relationships promote theories of mind. -The benefits of conflict (theory of mind is a necessary step in forming the capacity to have an intimate relationship) -The false belief test -The first time we have to negotiate with anyone is with our sibling, when we negotiate with our siblings, we realize that other people have different opinions than us/ feel different ways/ have different minds. Through our relationship with our siblings, we create a theory of mind. -Theory of mind is the understand that your mind is separate from anyone else. we do not have the same mind. I understand that if I am holding something here and you cannot see then you would not know I was holding it. you need theory of mind to lie. -Kids with siblings develop theory of mind earlier than kids who do not have siblings

Faults in couples therapy

-Significant improvement does not mean that distressed couples are made happy. Just because a therapy has an effect doesn't mean it makes couples happy. -About 40% of couples are no longer distressed by the end, which means that 60% of the couples are still distressed (less distressed, but still distressed) -Relapse rates are high (most couples find themselves back in therapy- between 30% and 50%) -Effectiveness is lower than efficacy -Real distressed couples are mighty hard to change.

Summary of relationship outcomes between marriage and health

-Small but significant positive relationship between marriage and health -Quality of the marriage matters -Pathways: -Social support -Health behaviors -Physiological mechanism

Potential mechanisms for relationship outcomes between marriage and health

-Social support -Health behaviors -Physiological mechanisms

Social Support

-Social support is "the perception or experience that one is loved and cared for by others, esteemed and valued, and part of a social network of mutual assistance and obligations..." -Distinctions are typically made between three types of support: 1. Informational support 2. Instrumental support 3. Emotional support -Example: -42 patients with ovarian cancer, 23 with benign masses -SS related to higher NK cell cytotoxicity

Myths about relationship violence: IVP= unhappy

-Some think that IPV is what happens after relationships get bad (only happens in the absolute worst, most unhappy relationships). This is not true. -To be in a violent relationship and to say you are happy in that relationship are not incompatible. -Newlywed data: 50% of newlyweds in our studies report some physical aggression (most of the acts are relatively mild, like slapping and hitting) -O'Leary et al. 1992: -Studies in engaged couples -High rates of violence in premarital couples, who then went on to get married -It is clear that violence is not a deal breaker. It is possible for people to recognize that they are in an abusive relationship but to also say that they are in a good relationship.

Behavioral Confirmation

-Sometimes our beliefs are so powerful it can induce some people to behavior in ways that they otherwise would not have done -Our expectations affect our behavior -The self-fulfilling prophecy -Study: we want to record heterosexual men talking to women and each man was shown a photograph of the woman he was supposedly talking to. The men were either shown a picture of a very attractive woman or a picture of a not so attractive woman. When the men believed they were talking to highly attractive women, they were more friendly, interested, eager, and funnier than when they believed they were talking to less attractive women. When the women were talking to men who thought they were attractive, the women actually behaved in more attractive ways. The belief that the woman was attractive actually created behaviors in these women that were more attractive- giving rise to the experience. -How do we interact with people we think are attractive? -The social problems of the depressed: Depressed people generally believe negative things about themselves- leads to behavioral biases. Excessive Reassured Seeking- if you think you're terrible, it leads to you seek assurance. Do you think I'm terrible too??? You probably do. You do. This irritates people and the person's partner actually wants to leave. The belief creates the behavior. **Our beliefs, positive or negative, can create a world that is positive or negative.

Does a Partner's Own Stress Moderate Stress Crossover?

-Stress crossover should be greatest when partners have higher levels of their own stress -For wives, stress crossover was the greatest at times of higher stress -When wives were more stressed, they were more negatively affected by their husbands stress. When these wives were low stressed, they were just as happy if their husbands with stressed or not. If you do not have the resources (energy) to deal with the demands of your life, it is harder to be there for you partner when they need you too.

High Standards or Lower Expectations: Which is Better?

-The argument for higher standards (you should have high standards if they are realistic- if good things are happening in your relationship, high standards might motivate you to squeeze out all the potential in that relationship and make it the best it can be) -The argument for lowered expectations (if your relationship has some serious problems, high expectations are not going to help you because you will be disappointed a lot) -Resolution: -McNulty & Karney (2004) -Went to newlywed couples and measured their expectations over the next 4 years. -The people who didn't have a lot of negative behavior, but had high expectations declined in relationship satisfaction over time (but everyone does) -People who had less negative behavior and fewer expectations declined more (good behaviors but didn't expect a lot) -If people had a lot of negative behavior but expected the best, their relationship satisfaction declined a lot. -But, if people had a lot of negative behavior and fewer expectations, their satisfaction didn't decline much at all (this group wasn't the happiest, but they were the most stable)

The research agenda of conflict

-The cross sectional question (I want to distinguish a difference between two couples at the same time): what exactly is it that unhappy couples are doing wrong? -The longitudinal question (what predicts change over time within one couple): what behaviors predict the future outcome of the relationship?

How do Relationships Ever Change?

-The limits of ability: -The negative experiences do not disappear Some things cannot or should not be explained away (somethings are so bad, like beating or cheating that you cannot explain them away- when people have serious problems, these cognitive strategies seem not to work, and can even backfire) -You cannot just think yourself a good relationship -The limits of motivation: -Some people need to do this more than others (if you have no where to go, you are going to be much more motivated to think positively about your relationship. If you have other alternatives, you won't be as motivated) -The role of dependence -Commitment calibration

Does Primary Prevention Work?

-The vast majority of prevention programs are not based on research, nor have they been tested systematically (doesn't mean that it doesn't work, there just isn't much data) -Follow-up periods have been very short. -Some evidence that skills based programs do improve communication right after the treatment -Some evidence that effects fade quickly. Makes sense if we think about the effects of external forces (the way people treat each other is a function of their contexts, not just by what they learned previously)

What functions does our knowledge about intimate relationships serve?

-Theories help us to navigate our complex social worlds in three ways: 1. Understand and explain the world around us (useful to us- when we see a couple walking down the street and see them having an interaction, it isn't a mystery as to what is going on. If you see another couple in an argument, you will view this image differently. You are able to understand and explain different contexts. 2. Anticipate and predict what will happen (because you are able to understand and explain what is going on, you are now able to make predictions off of these images. Especially useful for friends- if you see them interacting with their partner in a certain way you can make predictions about what will happen next. You can predict the future) 3. Control and regulate our behavior (If I can make predictions about another person's behavior, I can now shape my behavior around that knowledge) -The connection between these last two levels proves to be particularly important (what I predict will happen affects how I will react and act now. If I see signs and predict that we have a secure future I am going to act differently now than I would if I had predicted a dangerous future) -Our beliefs about relationships generally shape our reactions to the specific experiences we have in our relationships

Resolving the relationship violence controversy

-There are two quite different types of IPV: 1. Common Couple Violence: -What people are admitting to in telephone surveys -What happens when people are frustrated in an argument and the argument gets heated and they start fighting -A reaction to a fight that has escalated (emotional) -Something that people can recover from -This kind of violence is accepted by some people -I wasn't planning on having a fight but now we are fighting -More common -Measured on surveys -Motivated by frustration -Involves arguing -Mutual -Reactive and emotional -Can still be fatal to women! 2.Intimate Terrorism -Much more rare -This is what sends women to shelters -Initially called it patriarchal terrorism but changed it when there was evidence that it was happening in same-sex couples as well. -Measured by police and crime records -Motivated by desire to control partner -Involves physical and emotional abuse -Proactive and strategic -Pattern of abuse designed to control and subjugate the partner -"I'm putting you in your place now"

Prevention Programs

-There is no gold standard for primary prevention -Available in many forms: counseling, questionnaires, self-help books, videotapes, on-line exercises, workshops. -Content, duration, and cost vary widely. -Frequently offered through religious organizations. -Consumer satisfaction ratings tend to be very high. -Low risk couples are more likely to attend. -Primary prevention tends to be very behavioral

Basics About Couples Therapy

-Typically: one therapist and both partners, for 15-20 weekly sessions that are 60 to 90 minutes long. -Therapists can have a variety of backgrounds and training (some have an MFT degree, masters of family therapy, others have a Sy. D., a doctorate to practice psychology, an LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker) different schools but the therapy looks more or less the same. -There are times when standard couples therapy is 'contraindicated': when you do not want therapy if certain things are true: -Like: serious individual problems, high levels of domestic violence, ongoing affair. Therapy is contraindicated for intimate terrorism but it is not necessarily contraindicated for common couple violence. -Specialized interventions exist for these problems

What are unhappy couples doing?

-Unhappy couples are more negative with each other then happy couples -Some subtleties: 1. Kitchen-sinking (when you are having a discussion about one area of disagreement and one couple brings up all other areas of conflict you guys have ever had- one topic becomes an argument about everything thats ever been wrong in the relationship. Happy couples keep their arguments specific) 2. Self-summarizing (Unhappy couples spend a lot of time summarizing themselves- "no you're not listening to me, let me restate it so it gets through your thick skull." Happy couples other-summarize- "Wait, so you're unhappy because ___? Am I understanding you correctly?") 3. Presumptive attributions (i.e., mind-reading. Unhappy couples assume they know what they're partners are going to say/are thinking. Happy couples do not assume that they know what their partner is thinking) 4. Cross-complaining (When I come to you with a complaint you respond by bringing up a complaint about me. Happy couples do not get into complain-offs) 5. Prescription (telling your partner what to do- "you know what you need to do, you need to shape up and listen") **All 5 of these involve shutting down the other person **These are not behaviors that one can do alone- couples fall into these patters- it takes two to tango. -Social learning theory does not care how these behaviors are learned.

Negative patterns and sequences between unhappy couples

-Unhappy couples are more rigid and predictable: -Negative reciprocity (the tendency to respond to negativity from your partner with more negativity- cross complaining is a kind of negative reciprocity) -Unhappy couples are take longer to exit negative exchanges (negative cycles last longer) -Cognitive editing (I did not like hearing that, it does feel bad, but I am not going to respond negatively right now): -Happy wives, in particular, follow partner negative with neutral behaviors. -Free Advice: -Do not be the one to follow a neutral behavior with a negative behavior

Myths about relationship violence: IVP is rare

-Until recent decades, IPV (intimate partner violence) was ignored as a rare, extreme behavior. In the 1950s and 1960s, IPV was barely talked about because it was considered nonexistent, and if it was happening, it was considered a private matter. -Awareness of IPV started to begin in the 1970s but it didn't reach a tipping point until the 1980s. -Straus et al., 1980: -Random telephone sample, representative sample of over 2,100 adults- asked people about aggressive behaviors and how often they occurred in their relationships. -12.1% (12 in 100) of husbands admit to physical violence against spouse. -This has to be an underestimate (there has to be more people who lied, so the number is realistically more than 12.1%) -This was big news and it started to get people to acknowledge that IPV happens.

Intimate Relationships beyond young adults

-We are affected by intimate relationships long before we have our own intimate relationships (there is never a moment where we are not exposed to intimate relationships- they are all around us) -So far, we have focused on intimate relationships between adults (generally research is on college students, people between the ages of 18 and 21) -How does intimacy affect us throughout our lives? (relationships affect us long before we become young adults and our capacity to love never leaves us)

What do we know about our intimate relationships?

-We do not show up to our relationships as an empty slate. -Three levels of relationship knowledge- everyone in the world (Fletcher, 2002): 1. General beliefs and values about social behavior -"Look out for #1" -General beliefs about human nature -Do you believe that people are generally good? -Do you think people are generally selfish? -People have general beliefs, whether is explicit or implicit. -These general beliefs affects how we navigate ourselves through the world 2. General beliefs and values about relationships -"Love conquers all." -You may believe that if you work hard enough, you could fix any relationship problem -Or you might believe that relationships are meant to be short -Based on your experience, you have a set of beliefs about how relationships work and we all have different beliefs 3. Specific beliefs and values about one particular intimate relationship -"She is my soulmate." -The beliefs you have about the relationship you are in right now -Example: my partner really likes fried chicken or my partner gets angry when she's hungry -My partner doesn't like to be touched there -You know things about your partner and you know things about your relationship -I feel safe in this relationship *****These three are independent bodies of knowledge

The motive to be known

-We do not want to be surprised, and we do not want to disappoint (if you love me and you think that I am a really good auto-mechanic, then you will be really disappointed the next time our car breaks down and I don't know anything about what is under the hood of our car). I have a motive to believe that you know me and I should be happier if I feel like you do. -The verification bias (a bias towards information that shows you know me accurately) -Brought couples into the lab and measure their self-esteem. Some couples had high self-esteem and some had low self-esteem. Everyone was then given a list of questions that would be given to their partners to be answered about them- they would also get to see these answers. These individuals were allowed to choose 5 of the 10 questions. Some are phrased in a positive way and are likely to elicit positive answers. Some are phrased negatively and are likely to elicit negative answers. The people high in self-esteem chose the positive questions but the people with low self-esteem were more likely to choose the negative questions- these people had a preference for information that proved what they thought about themselves. -There are times when accurate information about the partner is highly desirable. Transition points in relationships prompt searches for such information (imagine if you are just getting to know someone and you are trying to figure out if they like you- during these choice points when people are trying to make a decision, they want to make sure that they are making a good decision so they want accurate information about their relationship) -The diagnosticity bias (when you believe that a piece of information is more informative than it actually is. Example: You are ordering coffee and you think the barista is cute so you are trying to find a sign of whether or not they share the same interest. The barista uses your name as you pay with a credit card and you over interpret this and think they must like you a lot because they used your name when in actuality, they do this for everyone) -More problems for depressed people. -You can have one motive at the global level and another motive at the specific level. -Depressed people are always seeking positive feedback about their global worth but they also remind you of their specific flaws (truth is, healthy people do this too- it is really rewarding for a partner to know all of your flaws but to love you unconditionally, overall)

The motive to believe the best

-We want to be confident in our relationships and not harbor doubts about them. -We want to believe that we are in a good relationship. -It is scary and vulnerable to be in a relationship. How do you manage this vulnerability? By believing the best. -By being in a relationship, we sacrifice in many ways, and if I am sacrificing, then I want to believe I am doing it for a good reason. -The enhancement bias serves this function (a preference for information that strengthens my confidence in the relationship- in a choice of meanings, I am going to choose the meaning that leads me to conclude that my relationship is awesome. -We prefer information that supports and strengthens positive beliefs about a partner and a relationship. -In fact, happy partners view ... -Their partners more favorably than other people do (ratings of your partner will be higher than strangers' or your friends' ratings of your partner) -Their partners more favorably than their friends do -Their relationships more favorably than others' relationships (everyone thinks they are in love but really no one knows. We invented love. Our love is better than any other love)

Context and stress affects...?

-What we talk about with our partner (example: how are we going to pay this bill, which one of us is not going to get what we want to we can pay this bill? the more you have to talk about these stressors the less time you have to talk about your hopes and dreams for the future, to nurture your relationship, etc.) -When we interact with our partner (are you having the conversation at 11pm when you have to go to work early in the morning? Or are you having in on a Sunday afternoon after having brunch?) -Where we interact with our partner (do you and your partner have privacy in your own home? Or do you not live together and you have to work to find places to have private conversations? Do you have a place to interact?) -How much we interact with our partner (how much hours a week do you spend with your partner? Jobs, kids, etc will affect how much time a couple gets to spend together) **Divorce is not equally distributed. Divorce in the top third of income people is half of what it is in the bottom third. If you are in the bottom of the SES latter, you divorce rate is double that of affluent people.

The history of studying couple conflict

-When research on relationships started in the 1930s, it was not about behavior, the research was about personality. This changed in the 1960s because divorce rates rose in the 1960s. -As divorces became more prevalent, it wasn't acceptable to keep it behind closed doors because other people were being affect (like children)- people began to seek answers. -Prior to the 1960s couples therapy was not a big thing. As divorce rates rose, so did couples/martial therapy -When divorce rates climbed in the 1960s, couples therapy became more acceptable. -The big complaint? Conflict (all about communication) -Social learning theorists assumed that mismanaged conflict was a primary cause of relationship distress. -Clinicians as a driving force (clinical psychologists started relationship research) -They studied conflict and developed treatments based on this assumption (if people are complaining about conflict and we teach them to communicate better, people will have better relationships- let's do some research to find out what they are doing wrong)

Consequences of Stress: Stress Spillover

-When the experience of stress in one domain of your life spills over to effect outcomes in another domain of your life -Example: I got a bad grade on my midterm and then I go home and have a bad night with my spouse. -Couples who experience more stress report lower satisfaction, and satisfaction that declines more steeply over time (it doesn't matter what the stress is) -Repetti (1987) on air traffic controllers -On high stress days, wives rated their husbands as more withdrawn, less engaged with the family, and less fun to be with. On low stress days, wives rated their husbands as more engaged, etc.

Consequences of Stress: Stress Crossover

-Whereas stress spillover happens within one person, stress crossover is when the stress now jumps to a whole new person. -The stress that partner A is having affects the outcome of partner B. -Stress spillover is a prerequisite to stress crossover

Layers of the environment

-You can't understand the course of an individuals life unless you recognize/understand the ecological niches in which that individual is embedded. -Our environments are multi-layered. -Every layer contains stressors and resources. A stressor is anything in your environment that makes demands on you. A resource is something in your environment that gives you things. -Proximal and distal factors affect couples. Proximal means nearby, close. Distal, means distant or far. The microsystem- everything you can feel and touch, are proximal forces. The distal factors are farther away- the fact that you live in a democracy, the fact that we have come out of an economic recession. -Proximal forces are shaped by distal factors. -Distal influences operate on relationships through proximal factors. -The house you live in is a proximal factor but it is shaped by distal forces (the nature of the economy right now) -Microsystem: the immediate context of the couple, the specific places you travel to over the course of the day- workplace, children, peer group, neighborhood, school, home -Mesosystem: the relationships among the couple's workplace, children, peer group, neighborhood, school, home -Exosystem: the broader social structures- religious hierarchy, government agencies, mass media, transit system, educational system -Macrosystem: dominant beliefs and ideologies -Chronosystem: the idea that you are living in the 21st century and this is different than living in the 18th century, etc.

Two route model of stress effects

1. Route 1: the content of the relationship -Your daily experience of your relationship has to be shaped by your context. If you are doing well and you are in a good life then what kind of experiences are available to you when you get home to your partner? Good things- having the rime and resources to curl up on the couch and spend time together. -Sample of newlyweds: everyone will have issues. What are they? The most popular answers are debt brought into marriage and balancing jobs and marriage (external problems). There are things in the world that make life hard. A lot of the problems that newlyweds report don't even have to do with the relationship itself but are due to external forces. -Effects what we deal with 2. Route 2: the processing of relationship problems -Stress affects how we function in our relationships -Stress affects how well we are able to engage in these difficult situations and it makes us less abled ***Contexts affect what we deal with (route 1) and how we deal with it (route 2)

Walker's (1979) Cycle of Violence

1. Tension-building: -Male's hostility escalates in the form of angry outbursts. Male partner expresses anger and resentment. Phase of threats but isn't actually violent at this point. 2. Acute battering: -Tension is unleashed in the form of rage and aggression by the man. An actual beating. Rage and aggression 3. Contrition phase: -The man apologizes, promises to change, and tries to convince the woman and anyone else involved that the severe abuse will never happen again. -You made me do it, I had to do it. -This is what keeps the cycle going -A temporary calm is restored, but the promises are soon forgotten and the man's desire to re-exert control soon reappear as the tension-building stage of the cycle begins again.

Observational coding

Deciding what to code 1. Affect vs. verbal content (easiest thing is to look at what they are saying- verbal, or expressions of emotions- affect) 2. Non-verbal behavior (body language- how much time do they spend leaning forward, backward, etc. Facial expressions-real smile or fake smile) 3. Sequences (this happens then that happens- every time I say something sweet how do you respond) -Microanalytic (code every 5 seconds, or some predetermined time, and analyze what happens in each time increment or another option is to analyze speaking terms- analyze each time a person speaks from start to finish) vs. global coding (analyze the overall tape- how happy do you think this couple is from what you saw in the tape?) -Behaviors as choices from a menu (if you think of all the possible responses a person could have said, it helps you effectively code- what are my range of options here) -Getting reliability is hard (different coders see different things- the data has no meaning if everyone disagrees on the meaning- you have to train your coders to see things in the same way- this is a high bar to cross but we have to do it)

Social Support Theories: Main Effect Model

Main Effect Model: -Identity, purpose, and control -Perceptions of security -Source of reinforcement for health-promoting -behaviors -Source of punishment for health-compromising behaviors

Social Support Theories: Stress Buffering Model

Stress Buffering Model: -Direct intervention -Changes in appraisals of stressors

Intervention Strategies

Three levels of preventing harm: 1. Tertiary prevention: Treat the disease. Preventing harm by treating a disease. Preventing further harm to someone who has already been harmed by a disease. -Tertiary prevention is couples therapy- you already have relationship problems and now we are trying to fix it. 2. Secondary prevention: Screening those who are at risk, helping those at risk. -Couples that think they might be in trouble so they go to a seminar or buy a self-help book. 3. Primary prevention: Making sure that nobody gets the disease-prevent the disease. For example, people who are at risk for measles aren't the only one's getting the measles vaccine, EVERYONE gets it. -For example, everyone who gets married in the catholic church is required to take premarital education courses. Premarital counseling, enrichment ***Most couples will not get primary or secondary prevention because they do not seek help until they have problems (tertiary prevention).