Mindful Communication Exam 1 Study Guide
May connect you to presence 1. Slowing down 2. Breathing 3. Time with a friend 4. Being in Nature 5. Touch 6. Music 7. Sunshine 8. Rain 9. Beauty
What may connect you to presence?
We can develop presence by: Orienting to our surroundings in an alert and balanced way Identifying what helps us stay connected to and what disconnects us from presence Practicing mindfulness of the body, grounding with an anchor: gravity, the centerline, breathing, touch points such as the hands or feet. Beginning and ending the day with intention Creating a positive feedback loop by appreciating when we remember to be present rather than judging ourselves.
How can we develop presence?
We can implement presence through three areas of practice: On your own During Transitions In conversations Much of the work is basically remembering to be present.
How can we implement our presence practice?
We can practice presence in conversation with: Choice points Pausing: experiment with taking micropauses or longer breaks Pace: Modulate our pace to bring more awareness to speaking. Relational Awareness: Develop a balance of inner and outer awareness.
How can we practice presence in conversation?
You can break down the meaning of mindfulness in three ways: paying attention, present moment, and non-judgemental. The present moment is the reality of being in the here and now means you just need to be aware of the way things are as they are now. Your experience is valid and correct just as it is. Paying attention: to be mindful, you need to pay attention, whatever you choose to attend to. Non-judgemental: The temptation is to judge experience as good or bad or like/dislike. I want to feel bliss; I don't like to feel afraid. Letting go of judgments help you to see things as they are rather than through the filter of personal judgments based on previous conditioning. (experiences.)
How can you break down the meaning of mindfulness?
Some of the problems can be the attitude going into a meditation practice: I am going to do this right the first time, I will work so hard, I should focus 100% for the best results. You overcome challenges by having coping statements such as my mind is bound to wander, I will accept these feelings, it is what it is. Be kind. Be gentle. Just bring your attention back to is original destination.
How do you overcome challenges?
It is the exact opposite of "ruminative thinking" (the tendency to dwell on the same thought or theme) which creates low moods to persist and return. Teaches us that thoughts are thoughts, not facts. Teaches self compassion as well as compassion to experience and others. Teaches to just be aware instead of judging. Teaches to attach labels to thoughts, to detach from emotions. You are experiencing an event/emotion - you are not that event/emotion.
How does it improve our mental health?
Through mindfulness practice individuals strive to maintain attention to internal and external experiences in a non-judgemental state manifesting accepting, curiosity and openness. Body awareness is heightened by mindfulness. When an external stimulus triggers an emotional reaction, the attention system detects a conflict. Heightened body awareness assists to detect physiological aspects of the feelings present (e.g. body tension, short shallow breath, rapid heart beat). This triggers the emotion regulation process to react to the stimulus differently than normal (ex: just noticing it instead of reacting to it, which is the internal barometer.)
How does it work?
Our monkey mind is screwing us over by the mind telling us things about your own self that are not true but we don't know what the truth is so we just believe that in our head. For example, it could be your mind is telling you that you are ugly, howerever, you know that is not the truth and try to not listen to it.
How our monkey mind is screwing us over?
You need to first focus on the breath, breathing in - count 1, breathing out - count, repeat, thought arises? let it carry away, don't grab on to it" Your mind will probably go crazy, that's is ok, if that happens just start over and just focus on the breath. Most important to understand that meditation is not a panacea for all of your problems.
How to do it breathing?
Mindfulness is not thinking about nothing, it is meditation is paying attention in a systematic way to whatever you chose to focus on, which can include awareness of your thoughts. By listening to your thoughts you discover your habitual patterns. Your thoughts have a massive impact on your emotions and the choices that you make so paying attention to them is helpful!
Is mindfulness thinking about nothing?
Meditation is not only for lazy dirty hippies it is for everyone as LeBron James, Ellen, Russell Wilson, and Oprah all meditate. Also it is used by huge companies and corporations such as Target, US Marines, Google and Proctor and Gamble.
Isn't meditation only for lazy, dirty hippies?
Jon Kabat Zinn's definition of mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.
What is Jon Kabat Zinn's definition of mindfulness?
Relationship is by definition there is two of us and we must see the other individual as an autonomous individual. With a lack of mutuality is an absence of presence - turns a dialog into a monologue. We lose mutuality for several reason, going on automatic, becoming extremely impassioned and feeling scared, threated, or angry. This means that you are reduced to an object in relation to me. When we lead with presence, we change from seeing the other as an object to seeing them as a subject. Martin Buber described it as I-Thou relationship.
What is Maturing in Presence and why do we lose mutuality?
Human beings are unpredictable and if we become fixated on a plan, we lose touch with the moment. It is important to understand the zen saying, not knowing is most intimate. "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth."
What is uncertainty: meeting the unknown?
They help us discern how we're feeling and what we need to say, catch the signals of reactivity, and provide the space to handle it and receive the wealth of information that's coming from other person so we can guide conversation to greater connection and understanding.
We know that embodied awareness becomes a resource that is available at any moment but what does it help us with.
Informal mediation is when you focus your mind to which activity you are doing during your day, whether it is brushing your teeth, cooking, cleaning or doing laundry. Formal mediation is when you take time out of your day to complete a mediation practice, some of those consist of mindfulness of the breath, mindful yoga and body scan.
What are informal and formal meditation?
Presence has a lot of benefits as: It gives us back our life, waking us up to the present moment. It helps us remember to use the communication tools we've learned. It gives us important information about ourselves and others. It gives us early warning signs if we feel activated or upset. It provides a container to manage reactivity. It helps us heal places of emotional pain or wounding.
What are the benefits of presence?
Mindfulness cultivates: Concentration, sensory clarity, and equanimity.
What are the three skills that mindfulness cultivates?
The three steps to Mindful Communication: 1. Lead with Presence 2. Come with curiosity 3. Focus on what matters. The three foundations are presence, intention and attention.
What are the three steps to Mindful Communication?
Mindfulness can: Help Battle Depression Help Battle Anxiety Reduce Stress Levels Reduce Physical Pain Improve Sleep Increase Dopamine Levels.
What can mindfulness do for your?
The Buddha stated that "the secret of health for the mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
What did the Buddha state?
By recognizing presence our natural state of being is a relaxed, open alertness characterized by contentment and well-being. Presence doesn't have to be a random occurrence, it can happen every single time we are mindful. But with presence there is honesty which means being real and sometimes we feel distinctly ungrounded, but it is important to accept what is happening exactly right now.
What do we mean by recognizing presence?
You need to remember that you cannot decided to focus and then come 100% focused without any issues. Meditation is a gym for the mind as a physical workout is a workout for the body. You can train your attention as you can train your legs at the gym. But you do not have to make a huge effort as you do when working out.
What do you need to remember?
You do not want to make mediation another thing on your to-do list because this is not something to add stress to your life.
What do you not want to do with mediation?
Leading with presence includes mutuality, seeing the other person as an autonomous individual, and uncertainty, acknowledging and accepting the unknown, both of which create new possibilities in dialogue.
What does leading with presence include?
Listening carries a dual potential: activite our fight or flight response and activite our social engagement system.
What does listening carry?
Mindfulness, presence is the ground for connection meaning it gives us back our lives, moments, are up and down, happy and sad, making use present to experience these moments. Mindfulness is available to us at all times, always focusing on the breath, mediate whenever, we have the opportunity. Mindfulness presence plays an essential role in communication.
What does mindfulness do?
Our voice is one of the most intimate and personal aspects of who we are. Primary means of expression and how we are known. Also first name - a word representing who I am. In conflict challenges to our identity or self-image can be the most and hardest to navigate. Consider all of the layers that are present that go into a simple exchange or conversation.
What does our identity have to with communication?
When we have a fuller sense of leading with presence, we are aware of what's happening around us in a honest way, that includes other person with mutual respect to alert to the inherent uncertainty of the moment, and to be flexible, honest, mutual and uncertain.
What happens when we have a fuller sense of leading with presence?
A choice point is a moment of awareness in which we decide whether to speak or listen. MIndfulness helps us develop the capacity to be aware of the impulse without acting on it. Impulse to speak can be so powerful or strong that it impels us to speak just to release the internal pressure. The reason for the mediation is to be more in the present and to know when to talk or when to listen. We might fear if don't say anything right we might feel we might never be able to do so. If it's important, we will find the right time and way to say it.
What is a choice point?
An anchor is a reference point to which we return to strengthen mindful presence. Method 1: Finding Gravity Method 2. The Centerline Method 3: Breathing Method 4: Touch Points The reason why we have these methods for cultivating presence is to shift our attention.
What is an anchor what are the four primary methods for cultivating presence?
Communication is the process of interaction or exchange creating understanding. We have all had communication training and what is great is that we can unlearn it and retrain the brain to change our habits.
What is communication?
Equanimity is the ability to be with experience an attitude of gentle matter-of-factness.
What is equanimity?
Consciously choosing when to speak and when to listen is essential for meaningful conversation. The conversation is a dynamic interplay between each person's choice to speak or to listen.
What is essential for meaningful conversation?
Our method: three-step training in presence, intention and attention. The fulcrum is mindfulness (and mediation), our ability to steady awareness and see cleary.
What is it mean by training out world , training our mind?
We strive to maintain awareness throughout a conversation More important to note that it takes practice to do that in the heat of an exchange. Mindful presence is knowing what is happening right now in a balanced and nonreactive way. Mindful presence assists us to investigate our experience. Mindfulness includes staying power, the ability to keep being aware. Presence is strengthened through patient, gentle repetition
What is mindful presence?
Mindfulness is being aware of what's happening in the present moment in a balanced and nonreactive way.
What is mindfulness?
This means paying attention to things are they really are in any given moment not what we want them to be. Mindfulness encourages you to respond to your experience not our thoughts. A reaction is automatic and gives you no choice; a response is deliberate and considered action. Also add to it openheartedly: to be openhearted is to bring a kindness, compassion, warmth, and friendliness to your experience. More importantly, you don't need to be perfect.
What is mindfulness?
Our breath is directly linked to our nervous system. When we are feeling excited, anxious, afaid or aggressive our breathing quickens. When we feel relaxed, at ease or settled, our breathing slows down completely.
What is our breath directly linked too?
Presence is embodied awareness of our direct sensory, mental and emotional experience.
What is presence?
Relational awareness is the capacity to include both you and me, the external and the internal, balancing our attention in a dynamic way. This builds on the foundation of embodiment by expanding awareness to include three more reference points: the other person, our connection and the space around us. It is important that these practices require time to develop and creating or recognizing the sense of us can be useful in savoring a sweet moment or accessing compassion in a trying one.
What is relational awareness?
Sensory clarity is the ability to keep track of the components of sensory experience as they arise in various combinations, moment-by-moment.
What is sensory clarity?
The aim of mindfulness is accepting your moment to moment experience rather than making you feel more relaxed. Attempting to relax only causes more stress and tension. So if you are tense, mindfulness is being aware of that tension. Where do you feel them? What's your reaction to this tension, your thoughts.
What is the aim of mindfulness?
Principle: the more aware we are, the more choices we have. The oil light means you are not out of oil but you are going to run out of oil. You are not living in default but have choices in your life. Feeling activited is not bad, it becomes an issue if we lose awareness. When unchecked it can lead to unnecessary interpersonal conflicts. Practice mindfulness to calm and steady agitation of being overactivated.
What is the analogy about the oil light: presence and reactivity?
The end goal through current practice of mindfulness, you discover how to live in the present moment in an enjoyable way rather than worrying about the past or being concerned about the future.
What is the end goal through current practice of mindfulness?
The positive feedback loop is to learn, adjust, and do, which will continue to go on that loop and don't beat yourself up for forgetting, the key to success is appreciating remembering. Thinking and constantly being negative and feeding it crap, which will think that is normal and won't find that resilience because of it.
What is the positive feedback loop?
Mindfulness assist your pause between an impulse and your reaction so that you gain more of a choice. A breath - an infusion of presence to assist you stay clear and balanced. It is important to not that the pause is flexible and is not always easy to incorporate. Always find specific ways to take a pause either a short one or a long one. The examples have these things in common, they all begin with our intention to connect, each statement takes responsibility of our limitations or desires and each ends with a request to finish the conversation later.
What is the power of pace, pausing?
Given the complexity of communication, transformation occurs most readily through shifts sustained over time. Need to do small bites, this change can overnight when there is an illness. We are all someday going to go through this.
What is the principle from multidimensional, holistic experience?
Principle: lead with presence; begin conversation with awareness return to and strive to maintain that awareness, and be honest with oneself about what's happening
What is the principle with presence?
May disconnect you to presence: 1. Stress 2. Feeling Tired 3. Being Hungry 4. Rushing 5. Fear 6. Wanting Something 7. Impatience 8. Perceived Threat 9. Lack of Safety It is important to note that the more familiar we are with the particular conditions that connect or disconnect us from presence, the easier it becomes to spot them in our lives.
What may disconnect you to presence?
Almost everything is our civilization points away from presence because we are bombarded with messages point to the future nd our happiness lies in the next hit of pleasure, new gadget, or tantalizing experience. We are exposed to 4k - 10k ads everyday.
What points away from presence?
1. Mindful Breathing 2. Mindful Walking 3. Body Scan 4. Mindful Eating 5. Mindful Yoga 6. Martial Arts, Running, Weightlifting, Sewing
What types of mindfulness are there?
When we are listening to others, we usually listening to things and listen to respond which instead why not just listen and be present to the person who is speaking. The main goal of communication is to make connections about you and the speaker.
When we listen to others, what are we usually listening for?
Mindfulness helps us with automatic pilot, going to the grocery store but driving right past it. Taking a walk in the park to calm down but being consumed in thoughts of your next project. Mindfulness isn't focused on finding solutions to problems. It's focused on acceptance, so if you suffer from anxiety, mindfulness shows you how to accept the feeling of anxiety rather than denying or fighting the feeling and through this approach, change naturally comes about. Mindfulness says, what you accept, transforms.
Why does mindfulness help us with?
Communication is more than just a linguistic exchange because it involves how we use our voice, body language, touch, how we use silence and our internal dialogue. This means that our communication is dynamic and holistic.
Why is communication more than just a linguistic exchange?
It is challenging to have presence because: It's vulnerable to be face to face with another human. Social engagement can activate nervous systems, putting us on edge. We tend to focus our attention outward, on the other person, or inward on our thoughts - those losing the connection. We have not practiced it.
Why is it hard to have presence?
It is important to be gentle with the mind because if you are too harsh, you mind rebels. When training the mind to be attentive, you need to be gentle, or the mind become less attentive. This is why meditation/mindfulness requires a kindness about. Giving yourself permission, that self compassion, to not be good at it right away. Just keep attempting but make it habitual.
Why is it important to be gentle with the mind?