Social Relationships
Other research on mate selection has shown that men and women have different preferences for mates depending on whether they are interested in a long-term or short-term relationship.
Women also show different preferences depending on whether they are ovulating or not, their age, their life stage, and their own value as a mate (Buss, 2009). According to evolutionary psychology, all these preferences are explained by our species' drive to survive and to reproduce successfully.
When couples cohabit in cultures that are not accepting of that practice, their eventual marriages are more apt to end in divorce than cohabiting couples in more accepting cultures. -This was demonstrated in a study by sociologist Yongjun Zhang (2017), who examined survey data from a nationally representative sample of adults living in China.
Zhang concluded that when premarital cohabitation is not well tolerated in a culture, couples who cohabit may feel pressure to eventually marry regardless of the quality of their relationship, thus leading to unhappy marriages and subsequent divorce. When cohabitation is better tolerated by a culture, couples may feel free to end the relationship without marrying.
Fisher and colleagues (2016) compare this early stage of intense romance
addiction. The brain activates the same areas and releases dopamine which is associated with reward.
Socio-emotional selectivity theory
addresses older adulthood, and the convoy model seems to apply across the life span.
Both evolutionary psychologists and attachment theorists refer to attachment as
an evolved mechanism to ensure the survival of infants and children.
Adults with secure attachment orientations...
believe the world is a safe place.
intergenerational solidarity
emotional cohesion between the generations, even when some members live far away.
An alternative explanation for mate attraction was the:
exchange theory, which says that we all have certain assets to offer in a relationship, and we try to make the best deal we can. Research has shown that people tend to have partners who match them on physical attractiveness. However, characteristics such as education level, pleasing personalities, and good grooming can help offset unattractive features (Carmalt et al., 2008). Sense of humor is also "exchanged" for physical attractiveness
Psychologist Lawrence Kurdek (2004) conducted a longitudinal study of gay, lesbian, and heterosexual married and cohabiting couples
found that the factors that influence relationship quality and stability for the various categories of couples was essentially the same compared to heterosexual relationship trends.
Mate-attraction behavior is observed in every known human culture (Jankowiak & Fischer, 1992) including:
in all mammals and birds (Fisher, 2000). The attraction system is associated with increased levels of dopamine and norepinephrine and decreased levels of serotonin, all neurotransmitters in the brain.
Lee and Ono's 2012 study - what did it include?
investigated the happiness of over 25,000 married and cohabiting couples in 27 countries.
Grandparent relationships with grandchildren
-We know that grandparents spend more time with younger grandchildren, but discuss more personal concerns with older grandchildren -Grandparents report the same affection for their granddaughters as for their grandsons -Married grandfathers have more interaction with their grandchildren than widowed grandfathers -About one of four grandparents name at least one adult grandchild in the innermost circle of their social convoy, most often a grandchild that they had an intense relationship with when they were a child In recent decades -And grandfathers seem to have joined grandmothers in having nurturing relationships with their grandchildren.
evolutionary psychology
-the belief that social relationships had an important role in human evolution, perhaps the central role in the design of the human mind. -This is based on the premise that our early ancestors banded together in small social groups as an important survival strategy. -Social relationships provided protection from predators, access to food, and insulation from the cold Proper definition: individuals who carried genes for cooperativeness, group loyalty, adherence to norms, and promotion of social inclusion were more apt to survive in the primal environment and pass on these genes to their descendants (and ultimately to us). These genes continue to affect our social and cognitive behavior and are reflected in the ways we form and maintain social relationships in today's environment.
Key Takeaway about cohabitation vs marriage effects
-the success of a couples' partnership and parenting depends more on commitment than whether they are officially married or not, and life is easier for these couples (and families) when they live in a culture that is accepting of their personal choices to either marry or cohabit.
selection effect hypothesis
-those who are more mature and have stronger relationships follow the traditional path to marriage, whereas those with doubts and troubled relationships opt for cohabitation first. -Others believe that the experience of cohabiting changes the couple's attitudes about marriage
Cross Cultural Study - Mate Selection Based On Traits
-women value social status and financial resources, as well as dependability, stability, and intelligence more than men do. -Men value good looks, health, and a desire for home and children more than women do. -Studies of online dating sites show that these preferences are present across the lifespan, even when reproduction is not an issue, with adults age 20 to 75 and older expressing similar preferences —men are more likely to prefer women who are physically attractive -and women are more likely to prefer men with status
Study: Middle-aged fathers (average age 51) and their adult sons (average age 23) were asked how much affection the fathers expressed for their sons through either verbal statements (such as saying "I love you"), direct nonverbal gestures (such as hugging or kissing), or supportive behaviors (doing favors for them).
....showed that there can be real differences between children's perceptions of relationship quality and that of their parents, and that adult children who have to share a parent can believe they are being slighted when the parents' perception is quite different.
Howard Markman and his colleagues show 2 distinct types of cohabitation
1) Engaged cohabitation, in which the couple becomes engaged before moving in together, 2) Preengaged cohabitation, in which the couple becomes engaged after moving in together. -The former tends to lead to marriages as successful as those of couples who did not cohabit before marriage; the latter tends to lead to less successful marriages. Why? The authors conclude that couples who become engaged before moving in together have made a formal commitment to each other, and their relationships are more similar to those of couples who marry before living together than to those of couples who cohabit without that commitment.
Social psychologists Mario Mikulincer and Philip R. Shaver (2009) listed three kinds of support that people of all ages seek from attachment figures in time of need:
1) proximity (comfort that comes from the close physical or psychological presence of the attachment figure) 2)a safe haven (help and support when a threat is present) 3) a secure base (support in pursuing personal goals).
Sociologists have theorized that the quality of family relationships can be evaluated on six dimensions of emotional cohesion:
1. Associational solidarity—how often family members interact with each other and what types of activities they do together. 2. Affectional solidarity—how positive the sentiments are that family members hold for each other and whether those sentiments are returned. 3. Consensual solidarity—how well family members hold the same values, attitudes, and beliefs. 4. Functional solidarity—how much family members do for each other in terms of services or assistance. 5. Normative solidarity—how much family members feel a part of the family group and identify with each other. 6. Intergenerational family structure—how many family members there are, how they are related, and how close they live to each other.
The effect the parents' marital status has on the children
Again, the difference seems to be whether the cohabiting couple ultimately marries or not. -Those who marry before the child's fifth birthday (when the study ended), reported the same relationship quality as parents who were married when the child was born. -Those who continued cohabiting (and those who broke up) during that 5-year period reported lower levels of relationship quality
Bowlby's attachment theory
Although Bowlby initially formulated his theory to explain parent-infant relationships, he believed that attachment was a lifelong process and that the quality of relationship one had with parents was the base for later attachments, including romantic partnerships. -More recent attachment theorists have suggested that attachment between romantic partners is a mechanism that evolved to keep parents together long enough to raise their children. -Men and women who are able to feel secure together and lonely when apart are more apt to be committed to each other and to the task of raising their child safely into adulthood
What happens to the attachment bond from childhood?
Bowlby (1969) claimed that attachment diminished during adolescence and then disappeared, except in times of illness or extreme distress. This attachment is often transferred to romantic partners. -The relinquishing of attachment to parents appears to be of central importance among the individuation-achieving processes of late adolescence and early adulthood" **BUT Other theorists have suggested that attachment between parents and their children does not decline in adolescence, but changes slightly in form. Instead of physical proximity being the key, communication becomes important.
Fisher's attachment system has some similarity to its namesake:
Bowlby's attachment theory.
The lust system is powered by what?
By androgens in both men and women. Thus, using an automobile analogy, lust could be viewed as the accelerator of mate selection. And if lust is the accelerator in Fisher's theory, then attraction is the steering wheel, determining where the lust will be directed.
The Convoy theory and Attachment Theory
Convoy theorists see the attachment theory as the glue that keeps the social circles in place in one's life.
There is a lot of research on family relationships for older adults T/F
False
Longitudinal Study on Frequency of Family vs Non. Family Visits (ages 18-87)
Family visits (the solid line) remain fairly stable between the ages of 17 and 85—somewhere between once a month and once a week. On contrast, visits with non-family members (friends, neighbors, and acquaintances) started out high in emerging adulthood (at least once a week), declined sharply through young adulthood, and then declined more gradually until late old age (at least once a month).
One issue individuals in same-sex marriages face is there are still differences in the degree of openness same-sex partners express about being gay and being in a relationship.
In one study, researchers interviewed gay and lesbian couples about how they presented their relationships to friends, family members, and coworkers and how satisfied they were with their partners. -They found that couples who were more open about their relationships reported greater satisfaction with their partners and also treated each other with more positive emotions when they discussed problem areas in their relationships. This research illustrates how same-sex couples differ from different-sex couples: -Few heterosexual people feel a need to hide their sexual orientation or their intimate partnerships from others. -The resulting loss of social support and contact with important friends and family members seemingly takes a toll on same-sex relationships in a way that it often does not affect different-sex couples.
The Importance of Oxytocin
Interestingly, the hormone oxytocin plays a central role in mother-infant attachment and also in women's romantic attachment to a mate
Social relationships
Involve dynamic, recurrent patterns of interactions with other individuals and the ways they change over the course of adulthood.
Cohabitation
Living together without being married. -Early research found that couples who marry and then move in together are more likely to stay married than those who move in together and then marry later. Why is this? - selection effect
Realistic view of lust
Lust is certainly part of romantic love, but it can also operate independently. Most adults are familiar with feelings of lust toward someone they have no romantic involvement with and also the inverse—no feelings of sexual desire toward someone they do have a romantic involvement with.
Significance of Social Networks
Ongoing research is investigating the role of social networks as buffers against stress and how the support a person perceives that they get from their social network affects their health. Plans have been made for longitudinal studies that may lead to better health through preventative measures and intervention programs.
Other reasons:
Other reasons to explain why the mother's parents are perceived to invest more in the relationship with their grandchildren: -Perhaps the young couple settled closer to the wife's parents than the husband's parents and it is due to proximity. -Perhaps the mother, as kinkeeper, is more attuned to promoting the relationship between her children and her parents than her husband is with his parents. -Perhaps the younger family is more similar to the maternal grandparents in traditions, social practices, and family customs because the wife usually promotes these things. -Or perhaps we do base our emotional relationships on the probability that some grandchildren carry our genes and others may not.
What hormone plays a central role in mother-child attachment and in women for romantic partners?
Oxytocin
nuclear families
Social groups consisting of one or two parents and their biological, dependent children, living in a household with no other kin. -The reason for their concern was that young families had become more mobile than ever before, moving across the country to seek out job opportunities that were not available in their hometowns.
Fisher's theory: Libido or Lust, Attraction, Attachment
THE SEX DRIVE (libido or lust) is characterized by the craving for sexual gratification and associated primarily with the hormones (the estrogens and the androgens). The sex drive evolved to motivate individuals to seek sexual union with any appropriate partner. THE ATTRACTION SYSTEM (in humans termed "passionate love," "obsessive love," or "infatuation") is characterized by increased energy and the focusing of attention on a preferred mating partner. THE ATTACHMENT SYSTEM (termed "companionate love" in humans) is characterized in birds and mammals by behavior that may include defense of a mutual territory, mutual nest building, mutual feeding and grooming, separation anxiety, and shared parental chores. In humans, attachment is also characterized by feelings of calm, security, social comfort, and emotional union.
In a study looking at a picture of your romantic partner or a neutral partner while thinking about intervening in sexual actions with them:
The authors emphasize that the patterns of brain activation for new romantic love are different from those associated with the sex drive (or lust system, as Fisher calls it), indicating that they are distinct systems. -Some evidence suggests that the hormones responsible for attachment may decrease the levels of androgen, causing sexual desire to decline as attachment increases.
In her research using the convoy model, Antonucci (1986) developed a mapping technique called the Social Network AKA The Convoy Model.
The inner circle is for names of people who are so close and important to the respondent that he or she could hardly imagine life without them. The middle circle is for people who are also close, but not as close as those in the inner circle. And the outer circle is for names of people who are part of the respondent's personal network but not as close as the other two groups. The entire structure is referred to as a social network
Neurological Underpinnings of lust, attraction, and attachment
The lust system causes men and women to experience sexual desire and seek out sexual opportunities. The attraction system directs men and women to attend to specific potential mates and to desire an emotional relationship with them. The attachment system drives men and women to be close to the target of attraction (and lust) and to feel comfortable, secure, and emotionally dependent with that person.
Key takeaway same-sex relationships vs heterosexual relationships:
The most important finding is that homosexual relationships are far more similar to heterosexual relationships than they are different. Many last a lifetime. The human urge to commit to another person in an intimate relationship (and perhaps to raise children together) is as evident in homosexual relationships as it is in heterosexual relationships.
The researchers at the Gottman Institute followed over 100 same-sex couples who sought relationship therapy at their institute
The researchers concluded that although same-sex couples in this study had similar conflict and relationship issues as heterosexual couples, it was possible to restore relationship satisfaction in a shorter amount of time (due to gender similarities, similar socialization, humor, and sexual satisfaction)
Sociologists Daniel N. Hawkins and Alan Booth (2005) examined over 12 years of data from couples in low-quality marriages, what did the study show?
The study showed that people who remain in unhappy marriages experience a reduction in life satisfaction, self-esteem, psychological well-being, and overall health. Furthermore, people who stay in unhappy marriages are less happy than those who divorce and remarry, and they have lower levels of life satisfaction, self-esteem, and overall health than those who divorced and remained single.
The term convoy
The term convoy is used to describe the ever-changing network of social relationships that surrounds each of us throughout our adult lives. "Convoy relationships serve to both shape and protect individuals, sharing with them life experiences, challenges, successes, and disappointments." These relationships affect how the individual experiences the world.
socioemotional selectivity theory
The theory that older adults become more selective about their social networks. Because they place a high value on emotional satisfaction, older adults often spend more time with familiar individuals with whom they have had rewarding relationships.
Attachment Behavior (Ainsworth)
The three key underlying features are: (1) association of the attachment figure with feelings of security (2) an increased likelihood of attachment behavior when the child is under stress or threat (3) attempts to avoid, or to end, any separation from the attachment figure **In adults, of course, many of these specific attachment behaviors are no longer seen.
Evolutionary psychologists have a somewhat different explanation of mate selection, although their conclusions are similar.
Their explanation is based on our ancient ancestors' need to increase their chances of reproducing and providing for their children until they were old enough to fend for themselves. Men look for healthy young women. Women look for protective, strong, healthy men. According to evolutionary psychology, these preferences are genetically based, and those members of our species who acted on these preferences were more apt to survive and pass them on to their offspring. Those who did not were less apt to survive or to have healthy offspring.
Individual differences in Needs
There are individual differences in how much support a person needs, how well they are able to ask for support, and how clearly the person asked for help can understand their needs and provide support.
Then, DeKay and Todd Shackelford (2000) explained the data from the college student study that examined the level of closeness between student and grandparents, using an evolutionary psychology perspective. What was their explanation?
They argue that the grandparents' rankings reflect the relative confidence each grandparent has, although not always conscious, that the grandchild is truly his or her biological descendant and as a result will carry their genes into a new generation.
In a study several years ago, college students were asked to rank their grandparents according to the time they spent with them, the resources the grandparents shared with them, and the emotional closeness they felt to them, what did they find?
They found that students ranked their mother's mothers the highest, followed by their mother's fathers, their father's mothers, and their father's fathers. In other words, the college students rated their maternal grandmothers highest on the time spent together, resources provided, and emotional closeness, followed by maternal grandfathers, paternal grandmothers, and last paternal grandfathers.
Most adult children and their parents live near each other, have frequent contact, report feeling emotionally close, and share similar opinions. T/F
True
Social stigma and discrimination are still more common for this group, and many face rejection from family, neighbors, and coworkers, the source of social support for most others. These stressors lead to high rates of health problems, as well as high levels of psychiatric disorders, substance abuse, and suicide T/F
True
Increasing numbers of grandparents take over the residential care of their grandchildren when the parents are not able to, but many grandparents also serve as informal caregivers when their grandchildren live in single-parent families or families in which both parents work T/F
True.
Regardless of couple type (same-sex marriage or heter-sexual), the one who makes the most money usually does the least around the house. The stereotypes that same-sex partners take on "male" and "female" roles have not been supported by research T/F
True.
Long-lasting, committed relationships between same-sex partners are very common today T/F
True. -Gay and lesbian partners have been able to legally marry throughout the United States since 2015. -one in 10 LGBT+ Americans is married to a same-sex partner, and the majority (61%) of same-sex cohabiting partners are married -
It is presumed that children will learn these lessons from their parents, but there is also evidence that parents' values, attitudes, and beliefs can be broadened by their adult children. T/F
True. -The authors of this study suggested that parents whose adult children are demonstrating unconventional behavior, such as cohabiting or divorcing, face the decision to either change their attitudes or risk distancing themselves from their child. In a larger sense, the authors suggested, the influence young adults have on their parents in this respect is an important mechanism of social change whereby younger members of society, who are more apt to be influenced by cultural change, can pass their attitudes on to the older members of society, thus bringing greater progress to the overall group
One more difference in same-sex relationships is contending with physical violence. Members of the LGBT+ community are more apt to be victims of violence, especially transgender women. T/F
True. In one study researchers compared heterosexual siblings, to the LGBTQ+ community. -Gay and lesbian adults reported experiencing significantly more violence over their lifetimes—more childhood psychological and physical abuse by parents, more childhood sexual abuse, more psychological and physical victimization in adulthood, and more sexual assault in adulthood
Cohabiting results in a better outcome for older men than for older women T/F
True. Women over age 50 report the same amount of depressive symptoms and perceived stress whether they are married, cohabiting, dating, or unpartnered, while men who cohabited reported fewer depressive symptoms than those who were dating, unpartnered, or married. -Researchers suggest this might be because older women may not get the same benefit from being in any kind of partnership because their gender roles include caregiving, while men this age are more likely to be the care recipients
Most cohabitation studies are done on young adults who are most likely to cohabit, but more and more older people (50+) are starting to cohabit as well T/F?
True. This is partly due to an increase in the divorce rate for this age and also an increase in the number of people who have never married.
True/False: it is women—mothers, wives, sisters—who are usually the kinkeepers and who usually provide the family with nurturance and emotional support.
True. Sisters or the female family member including mothers and grandparents often put in more effort to stay connected with their family members.
Can negative relationships be fixed?
yes, negative patterns in marriage can be changed through therapy and taking educational courses online.
Psychologist K. Daniel O'Leary and his colleagues (2012) surveyed almost 300 adults who had been married an average of 20 years. Research question? On a likert scale, how in-love are you with your partner?
—over 46% of the men and women in this sample reported being very intensely in love with their partners.
Older Adulthood Social Patterns
later adulthood is a time that we reflect back over our lives and concentrate on fewer—but deeper—relationships. These results demonstrate that decrease in personal and friendship relationships.
Fisher's theory of relationship formation
makes a good model for viewing the components of the process of partnership formation.
Mate Selection
mate selection depends on three distinct emotional systems: lust, attraction, and attachment.
The experience of attraction is also known as
romantic love, obsessive love, passion, passionate love and limerence, which is described as thinking of the other person all the time, even when you are trying to think of other things, and feeling exquisite pleasure when the other person seems to return your feelings
Psychologist Howard J. Markman and colleagues study on happy relationships
studied 100 couples from before marriage until well past their 13th anniversaries. Before marriage, each couple was interviewed and participated in discussions about problem areas in their relationship. They were given a number of standardized tests of relationship satisfaction, interaction, and problem solving. This was carried out for 13 years. those who had divorced (20 couples), those who remained happily married (58 couples), and those who had experienced a period of distress at several assessment points (22 couples).
grandmother effect
suggestion that the presence of grandmothers (especially maternal grandmothers) has ensured children's survival through recorded history
Extensions of Bowlby's attachment theory have been used to suggest :
that adult romantic relationship styles are reflections of the attachment bond the adults had with their parents in childhood
In a study that included interviews with both grandparents and adult grandchildren, sociologist Candace Kemp (2005) found:
that many adult grandchildren and their grandparents view their relationship as a safety net, a source of support if they are ever in need. Also, grandparents often help directly with adult grandchildren such as, with tuition fees or house hold chores. -Adult grandchildren provide a sense of accomplishment for grandparents and grandparents add a sense of history and personal identity to the adult grand child. -More and more of these adult grandchild-grandparent relationships are present today since elderly are living longer today
Psychologist R. Chris Fraley and his colleagues found that the adult attachment styles exhibited by individuals at age 18 years could be traced to multiple factors including:
their early caregiving environments.
the divorce rate among couples 50 years of age and older has doubled t/f
true
The theory of intergenerational solidarity states
According to this theory, family members can be very close if they have frequent interactions, feel a great deal of affection toward each other, share basic attitudes and opinions, help each other when help is needed, agree with the basic beliefs of the family unit, and have the means to interact with each other (either living close together or having access to communication technology). To the extent that any of these factors is not present, the relationships will be less close.
Young Adulthood Social Patterns
Adolescence and young adulthood is the time that we look to the future, seeking information and new relationships, and these results demonstrate that our personal networks and friendship networks expand during those years.
Attachment in Adulthood
Adults count on romantic partners to be a secure base to which they can return and obtain comfort, security in stressful times. We appear to form strong new attachments in adulthood, particularly to a spouse or partner, and we usually maintain our attachment to our parents as well.
What are the effects of having parents divorce when you are an adult? Communication researchers Jenna Abetz and Tiffany R. Wang (2017) interviewed 19 adults whose parents had divorced after the participants had moved out of the family home. The age range when they were interviewed was 23-59 years, and their parents had divorced when they were 18-37 years. This qualitative study brought out four problem areas. Click or tap each tab to learn more about each of the four problem areas.
(fillin) Even if they are living away from the family home and have families of their own, the way their divorcing parents behave toward them and the expectations their parents have of them can change their relationships and perceptions of their parents. It can also change their attitudes toward marriage and their own risk of marital problems and divorce
Attachment theory
-Attachment theory has been backed up by empirical research showing that an infant's attachment classification tends to remain stable into young adulthood -and studies showing that parents' attachment classifications correspond to their children's attachment classifications -Attachment theory has also been applied to the formation of intimate relationships.
sibling relationships
-Quality generally depends on favouritism present when growing up by parents -Single siblings with no children usually get a long best -if you are a woman who is lucky enough to have a sister (I have three!), it will be no surprise to you that two sisters are the closest, followed by a brother-and-sister pair and then by two brothers
Cohabitation and Culture - Sociologist Kristen Schultz Lee and Hiroshi Ono (2012) investigated the happiness of over 25,000 married and cohabiting couples in 27 countries. -They assigned scores to each country indicating the relative strength of traditional gender beliefs (how they view mothers of young children who work outside the home) and religious context (how important religion is in their personal lives). What did the findings show?
-Results showed that there was little difference for men's happiness in any country whether they were cohabiting or married, but in countries where traditional gender beliefs and religious context is high, there is a "happiness gap" between married women and cohabiting women. -When couples cohabit in cultures that are not accepting of that practice, their eventual marriages are more apt to end in divorce than cohabiting couples in more accepting cultures
Grandparent role in crisis - mixed views
-Some studies have found that those (18-24) who had lived with a single parent or in stepparent homes had fewer depressive symptoms when they had a strong relationship with a grandparent. -Another study of 324 emerging adults showed that the quality of their relationships with maternal grandmothers predicted their psychological adjustment following their parents' divorce -Lastly, halhevet Attar-Schwartz and her colleagues (Attar-Schwartz et al., 2009) questioned over 1,500 high school students in England and Wales and found that adolescents and emerging adults from single-parent homes who had close relationships with grandparents were more apt to have fewer social problems than kids from those single-parent homes who were not close to their grandparents. -Therefore, the relationships between adult children and grandparents were the same for single-parent families and normal families, the difference was during the time of crisis, grandparents played a significant role in "leveling the playing field."
John Gottman and his colleagues study
-eventually divorce can be identified years ahead of time by looking at the pattern of positive and negative exchanges. -Gottman can interview couples and predict divorce. He listens for five key components and evaluates whether they are positive or negative. If the positive outweighs the negative, then the couple will almost certainly be together 4 years later
Developmental psychologist Karen L. Fingerman and her colleagues (2012) investigated the cumulative effects of multiple adult children on older parents for both positive and negative events. One general question was whether having a successful child caused an increase in well-being that matched the distress caused by a child with problems. What did the findings show?
-parents tend to react to negative events concerning their children more than to positive events. -just one child with problems had an effect on the parents' well-being, but that one successful child did not have the same effect—it takes many successful children to have an impact on parents' well-being. -In other words, Parents are only as happy as their least happy child.
The 4 key components Gottman evaluates in relationship interviews to predict marriage success:
1. Fondness and admiration—Is the couple's story full of love and respect? Do they express positive emotions like warmth, humor, and affection? Do they emphasize the good times? Do they complement each other? 2. "We-ness" versus "me-ness"—Does the couple express unity in beliefs, values, and goals? Do they use "us" and "we" more than "I" and "me"? 3. Love maps—Does the couple describe the history of their relationship in vivid detail and with positive energy? Are they open with personal information about themselves and their partner? 4. Purpose and meaning instead of chaos—Do couples talk about their life together in terms of pride over the hardships they have overcome? Do they talk about shared goals and aspirations? 5. Satisfaction instead of disappointment—Do couples say that their partner and their marriage have exceeded their expectations? Are they satisfied and grateful for what they have in each other? Do they speak positively about marriage?
attachment styles
1. secure (having a positive model of both self and others) 2. dismissing/avoidant (having a positive model of self and a negative model of others) 3. preoccupied/anxious (negative model of self and positive model of others) 4. or fearful (negative model of both self and others).
Attachment theorists propose that each person has formed an internal working model of attachment relationships
=a set of beliefs and assumptions about the nature of all relationships, such as whether others will respond if you need them and whether others are trustworthy. This internal working model has components of security or insecurity.
To complement the attachment orientation, theorists believe that we have also evolved a care-giving orientation
=a system that is activated in adults when they interact with infants and young children. Most adults will respond to the appearance and behavior of younger members of the species (and often other species) by providing security, comfort, and protection. Evolutionary psychologists believe that we also use this caregiving orientation in our relationships with adult friends, romantic partners, and elderly parents. Some believe it is also used by teachers in their devotion to their students, nurses with their tender loving care of patients, and therapists with their deep concern for clients.
The behavior that reflects the internal working model is an attachment orientation
=patterns of expectations, needs, and emotions one exhibits in interpersonal relationships that extend beyond early attachment figures.
Similarities Between the Theories
Although this study was based on frequency of contact, and both the convoy model and the socioemotional selectivity theory are based on the number of people in one's social network, the basic findings are similar: Adolescence and young adulthood is the time that we look to the future, seeking information and new relationships, and these results demonstrate that our personal networks and friendship networks expand during those years. In contrast, later adulthood is a time that we reflect back over our lives and concentrate on fewer—but deeper—relationships. These results demonstrate that decrease in personal and friendship relationships. The convoy model explains that we travel along the road of life with a group of fellow travelers, and that is exactly what happens with the family network. The names may change over adulthood, but the size of our family social network remains the same from adolescence to the end of life. This study is also consistent with evolutionary psychology theory, which emphasized the lifelong importance of kinship groups and our lifelong concern with the survival of those with whom we share genes. It also shows that emerging adults and young adults invest more time in non-related social contacts because they are important for mating and reproduction
Study based on important traits in potential partner:
More men consider good looks and a slender body to be desirable or essential; more women consider having a steady income and making a lot of money to be desirable or essential. Studies across cultures have demonstrated these same preferences in potential mates.
evolutionary psychology
deals primarily with the young adult years and intimate partnerships, though it has recently expanded into grand-parent-hood
Attachment
is most commonly used to describe the strong bond of affection formed by an infant to his or her primary caregiver. These bonds are considered part of an innate regulatory system that evolved in our primitive ancestors, presumably because they aided survival of young children, who are born with few abilities to care for themselves.
informal care
the caregiving that family members, neighbors, and friends provide in a home setting but don't actually live together or get paid for care. Ex. grandparent picking up their grandchild from school, or going to their parent-student lunches.
Lust & Freud
the cornerstone of Freud's classic psychoanalytic theory. Freud believed that libido, or sexual desire, was the foundation of all intimate relationships, and that one's experience of such relationships depends on how much sexual desire one feels for the other person, whether one is consciously aware of it or not
The traditional reasoning of why people are attracted to one or more persons was explained by:
the filter theory, which states that we begin with a large pool of potential mates and gradually filter out those who do not fit our specifications.
Markham and colleagues term "erosion"
the groups that experienced divorce or marital distress had exhibited negative interactions with each other in their first interviews, expressing insults toward each other, showing lack of emotional support, and making negative and sarcastic comments about their partners. He said that these negative interactions before marriage and in the early years of marriage wear down the positive aspects of the relationship and violate the expectation that one's partner will be a close friend and source of support.
